Jump to content
LaylaJuneBug

Everyone knows what's going on in my mind

Recommended Posts

LaylaJuneBug

My biggest frustration in the last week of trying to completely wean off Citalopram is that when I try to talk about it with friends, it's embarrassing (social stigma at having something wrong with my brain that others may not have known about), and they either completely discount it or try to fix it. I can't tell how much of my reaction to these things is accurate, and how much is me just being extremely sensitive emotionally, and agitated by anything that sounds wrong to me.

 

Example: I have a friend who had a severe postpartum psychosis episode recently. She was admitted to a hospital, and diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Things are much better 6 months later, but I think she might be a good person to discuss my weaning with since she's had to wean off different meds in the last little while, and at the very least knows what it's like to have a mental health issue. So i tell her that my weaning is causing me brain shocks, and she doesn't know what those are. That's my first clue. Then I say that I'm really extremely irritable with my kids lately and it scares me. And her response is "Well, ask any mom, we're all irritable" - it felt like complete invalidation of what I was saying. I was trying to tell her that I'm having intense irritability with the withdrawal, but she isn't hearing that. She's saying I'm having normal irritability and stress. I know I'm not. I also told her I was on 2.5 mg at the time, because I was taking 5 mg every other day. Her response? "That's nothing. You shouldn't even be ON it" which was shaming to me. It made me feel like I wasn't being very strong if I wasn't still on it. Her comment compelled me to speed up my weaning schedule and just stop taking the Citalopram, which led to all sorts of bad problems last week. I recently posted something on FB about having a "health scare" and she texted me to ask what was going on, and I told her (like a dummy) and she did it again! She said "Oh, you know, you're probably doing better than you think you are. It's hard to be a single mom. You are probably just stressed." This, when I had just told her that I wanted to physically harm my children. Why is this woman set on invalidating my situation? And why the hell do I keep talking to her??? :)

 

Another friend today seemed to think that I should listen to my GP implicitly, even though her weaning schedule sent me into a withdrawal symptom nightmare.

 

I want someone to understand what I'm going through, but I think I'm barking up the wrong tree on who I'm talking to. And I'm really sick of people telling me that my symptoms aren't real. Guess that's how I ended up here. :)

Share this post


Link to post
basildev

Hi Layla,

 

Your symptoms are very real and many of us have been through them ourselves.

 

I'm by no means an expert but I don't think you should listen to your GP implicitly because they don't always know best. The initial advice you received re weaning off sounds like the same advice I received - and the best way to fall right into horrible withdrawal symptoms.

 

The thing about your friends is, it's really difficult trying to explain this kind of thing to someone who has never been through it. It's like trying to describe the taste of sugar to somebody who has never tasted sugar. Maybe they can understand it on an intellectual level but that's where it ends. So you're going to get all kinds of well-meaning advice like 'just relax', or 'I wouldn't worry about it if I were you, etc...'.

 

Of course giving this kind of advice is like telling a drowning person to 'just swim'.

 

When people don't know how to help they usually try to 'fix' things for us. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Just not what we need during this time.

 

In any case I think the people on this forum will give you great advice and support.

 

I wish you well.

Share this post


Link to post
dalsaan

Hi Layla

 

I think many people understand depression as the absence of positive thinking. On that basis they try to reframe your experience and then the more you try and explain it the more intense they get with their reframe

 

Basically, many people just don't get it including those we would expect to understand or know. Your dr's advice should only ever inform your thinking and be prepared to shop around for someone who understands withdrawal. I haven't found one yet and that includes 4 gps, 2psychologists and a psychiatrists. I saw all of these people specifically with withdrawal and none of them could offer me anything

 

It's frustrating and infuriating. Wilful ignorance on the part of medical practitioners

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata

It took me 4 years to find a doctor who gets it.

 

Layla, one of the hardest things many of us have had to learn is to listen to our bodies and take care of ourselves no matter what anybody else says.

 

Some people can go off these drugs with no problem. You are not one of those people. This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, you have plenty of company!

Share this post


Link to post
Shanti

Nobody can truly understand what we're feeling like if they've never been through it. I think back to before I went through this, and if someone tried to explain it to me, I'd be sympathetic but I know that I would never grasp just how bad it really is. There's just no way to convey it to others. So I don't even try. Since I'm an introverted person anyway, I don't feel a need for others to understand what I'm going through. The only people that I've even told are the ones that need to know because they would depend on me to do things that I no longer can do. That's only 3 people, and they live with me. And even though they know, I don't look to them for any kind of support. I come here for my support. I know it's hard for some, especially extroverts like I said, to withdraw and not have others around that understand. I hope that we can be that for you in any case.

Share this post


Link to post
Shanti

I want to add that I actually do tell people online in groups. But I do it to warn people about the meds. I meet the same thing, people that just can't grasp it and think that I'm exaggerating. smh.

Share this post


Link to post
LaylaJuneBug

Thanks for your response. How are your w/drawal symptoms?

 

Hi Layla,

 

Your symptoms are very real and many of us have been through them ourselves.

 

I'm by no means an expert but I don't think you should listen to your GP implicitly because they don't always know best. The initial advice you received re weaning off sounds like the same advice I received - and the best way to fall right into horrible withdrawal symptoms.

 

The thing about your friends is, it's really difficult trying to explain this kind of thing to someone who has never been through it. It's like trying to describe the taste of sugar to somebody who has never tasted sugar. Maybe they can understand it on an intellectual level but that's where it ends. So you're going to get all kinds of well-meaning advice like 'just relax', or 'I wouldn't worry about it if I were you, etc...'.

 

Of course giving this kind of advice is like telling a drowning person to 'just swim'.

 

When people don't know how to help they usually try to 'fix' things for us. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Just not what we need during this time.

 

In any case I think the people on this forum will give you great advice and support.

 

I wish you well.

 

Share this post


Link to post
LaylaJuneBug

I agree. Im disheartened to hear that it's so hard to find a doctor that understands. I guess maybe in 10 or 15 years this will be common knowledge. I hope. I'm glad there are boards such as these out there so that we can get support because it really is scary and it's validating to know that others are going through it, and to see that there are success stories. It's made me question how long I was on the drugs in the first place! I feel like a sheep - I just went with what my doctor said for so long. She's kind and well-meaning, and cares about me, but doesn't have the time or probably energy to research this issue. Have you ever provided your doctor(s) with the scholarly study that was done featuring stories from this site?

 

It took me 4 years to find a doctor who gets it.

 

Layla, one of the hardest things many of us have had to learn is to listen to our bodies and take care of ourselves no matter what anybody else says.

 

Some people can go off these drugs with no problem. You are not one of those people. This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, you have plenty of company!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata

No -- good idea.

Share this post


Link to post
antoinette

Layla do you get intrusive thoughts about your children? That's one of my withdrawal symptoms....a nightmare!

Share this post


Link to post
antoinette

Layla do you get intrusive thoughts about your children? That's one of my withdrawal symptoms....a nightmare!

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy