Iggy131313 validation is imminent

[peggy]

Iggy, really no one is being mean. Withdrawal makes us anxious - we seek reassurance - but that reassurance only helps for a minute before we need to ask it again. It's just the anxiety talking. It's like someone who has OCD and needs to keep checking that they have locked the door - the checking doesn't help or they wouldn't keep doing it.

 

The advice here has been consistent. Decrease at 10% every 3-4 weeks. Of course, it is your withdrawal and you are free to do it anyway you wish, but you can't keep asking if it will be ok when you do what has been advised against.

[Iggy131313]

Thankyou Peggy for understanding the reason behind my behaviour, and people ARE being mean, saying Im doing this for attention? saying I will be warned? thats abusive, I have never been horrid to anyone here and never would, in fact I feel good about myself because no matter how desperate and even annoying someone was being, I KNOW I would never treat a person like Jemima has treated me today.never, its just too cruel to kick someone who is already so low.

 

Yes your right, my taper isnt 10% every 3-6 weeks, and I have acknowledged that, does that mean I will not be supported? I wasnt asking anyone to say it was fine, I was just saying it was better, better than Dr Healy advised, I WAS going to taper at 0.5mg per month, now I am doing 0.20, I thought that was quite good.

 

And it has to be taken into account that I have had/ am having an adverse/kindling reaction to trying to RI, my pain is so bad, my suffering so intense, I have a baby boy Peggy and I am just heart broken, so heart broken, I can hardly hold on the pain is so great.

 

I just need some support, Im not even looking for advice anymore, I just need some kindness and support so I can try to hold on, Im sorry that Im so annoying, Im so sorry that Im seen as an attention seeker etc, I dont mean to.

[Nikki]

Iggy

 

Math was never my best subject When I purchased liquid Celexa I had to have Alto explain it me me a few times.

 

Then I googled mgs. VS mLs and made a chart an was able to follow it. I wrote it down mgs. one side of paper and mls on the other side.

 

Being in a state of WD makes everything hard to understand, particularly numbers and in this case we are sensitive to making a mistake in doses for fear of more WD issues.

 

If I am understanding your taper, it was a CT and then a reinstatement? Is that correct?

 

Now that you have reinstated are you trying to taper? If so, you are in WD and CT at the same time. That is what is sounds like. And you are suffering which is very sad. We all know how bad the suffering is, especially from anxiety.

 

I am going to put this out there because it worked for me. I did make a mistake using liquid Lexapro. I was decreasing more than I thought due to mgs. vs. mls.

 

Yep I did. At the 11mg. point of Lexapro which was down from 40mgs. I could not go on another day with anxiety. Not one more day. My mother who is a retired Nurse Practitioner an the Psych Nurse Practitioner I see suggested taking a small dose of Imipramine. It helps anxiety alot.

 

I did and was able to get off Lexapro. I remained on Imipramine for two years following that and thank goodness I did. I lost my job, and my life was terribly complicated/stressed from the economic tsunami that occurred.

 

I am not pushing tricyclics, I am telling my story and what helped me.

Very often I find myself at a loss on this site to help people. I do not possess the knowledge that the others have regarding medications. I only have my own story.

Instead of reinstating, maybe, just maybe swapping out may help. There are no guarantees.

I do know that SSRI's exacerbate anxiety, tricyclics generally have the opposite effect.

 

You sound like a very sweet person who is in a jam, and is having difficulty with anxiety.

 

With Neuro-emotions it is hard to see the forest because of the trees - or that there maybe other alternatives.

 

Practice deep breathing, go walking and think and research (google) any information you can.

 

Hang in there

[dalsaan]

Hi Iggy

 

If you are no longer seeking advice from anyone (as per your previous post) what kind of support are you seeking? If its support to reassure you about your own decision making (even if that goes against what we believe), we can't give that to you

 

I'm not being mean, I'm asking the question out of a genuine concern that you want something that we can't give for lots of reasons

[Iggy131313]

Thanks so much Nikki, yes Im tpering off a RI but all the RI did was cause an adverse reaction and make things so much worse, thankyou for your advice regarding the TCA but because I had an adverse reaction to restating the citalopram I would be too scared of having an adverse reactio tp a TCA, if there was anything that could help me I would be so happy but sadly I dont think there is...

 

Dalsaan, good question, and Im not really sure, I just feel so lost and in such distress, I guess I was looking for a place I would feel safe, where people would reassure me that no matter what I would recover from this, that everyone recovers and gets their lives back. I thought when I posted about my new taper (well the ammended mg) that Alto may say something like ''You know its not the 10% but yes that is a little better''

 

Theres so many questions I want to ask but now Im afraid I will be accused of asking the same thing or looking for attention, like, this...as I have done such a fast taper up until now, what differnece will going slow right at the end make (NOTE - No one has to answer that question and Im sorry if its offensive)

 

I kick myself every second of every day for what I have done, for starting thie damn med that I didnt need...for CTing when I didnt know...for restarting again when I thought I had developed a SEVERE anxiety disorder overnight, Im so stupid, and I have alot of hate and anger for myself.

 

Im desperate, and flailing around madly trying to find something to take the pain away, but I dont know how, no one does, and nothing can, Im just scared, I dont know what Im looking for, comfort I supose, kindness and understanding, reasuurance that I will come through this and be ok, have my life back.

 

sorry

[Nikki]

You are looking to feel better. I think we all feel that way. We want to feel okay both physically and emotionally.

 

Anytime I taper a med I feel lost, confused, CRAZY, and I go to that place of self-hate. I did it a few weeks ago and I did not taper.

 

Just for today....one 24 hour period hug yourself and give yourself some compassion as you would another member here. My take on things is that you are very scared.

 

Iggy I wake up with fear every morning and I am not tapering at this point. It sounds like you need to have your hand held. We all do, and that's why we are on this site. PM people you feel a connection with.

 

In my heart-of-hearts I believe this, so I will throw it out again. Try the Imipramine. A small dose. 10mgs. If you are taking a medication and it is hurting you, try another alternative which can quiet the anxiety and quite possibly bring you to a better place. Sometimes (as I did) we have to make an attempt to interrupt the cycle of anxiety by taking something.

 

Sometimes we are paralyzed with fear and anxiety, we can't make a move. Stay away from ssri's. A tricyclic like imipramine which is targeted for anxiety can possibly aid you in your current situation.

 

There is a section on self help where Alto posted some very helpful videos and readings for anxiety.

 

Hugs

[dalsaan]

Hi Iggy

 

You already know the fundamental principles espoused by the moderators on this site. Slower is better because it allows your system to adjust, generally speaking 10 percent reductions but less if your body asks you to slow down by exhibiting withdrawl symptoms.

 

So what you are asking for is validation of your own decision making and approval from the mods, particularly Alto.

 

At one level I can understand that. Withdrawal is distressing and frightening for all of us. But, the moderators have limits to their time and energy (we are going through withdrawal ourselves). We have to priviledge answering the questions of people who DON'T know the fundamentals, rather than providing validation for those who do know them (whether or not they chose to follow them)

 

I'm sure you can understand the limits in terms of providing validation rather than new knowledge to people who know very little. I'm also sure other members will chip in their support if and when they can. You might also try some meditation to manage your own anxiety about your decision making

 

Becoming experts in our health is hard but it is a vital step in recovery

[Iggy131313]

Hi everyone, Im wary of posting but I have been reading through my thread here (minus one or 2 posts) and I had what just might be a moment of clarity...I hope its ok to ask a question, I dont mean to be demanding and I havent asked this before...at least I dont think I have

 

Alto..when you said ''you will still have to recover from w/d syndrome no matter how you taper of the 2.5''

 

I took that to mean that no matter how I tapered off that I would have big problems once I was off the drug, most probably a protracted w/d...

 

BUT...did you mean that I still have to recover from w/d syndrome now? as I am doing? did you mean that if I taper slowly off this last bit then I shouldnt get any worse than I am now? and I am already on the way to healing, that I could possibly heal and then step off the drug and have little or no problems after that?

 

Of course I could have that totally wrong too, and I know no one can say if I will or wont have major problems when I get off this failed RI again, but I just wanted to clarify that.

 

Thanks so much, I hope my questio is ok, sorry.

 

Caroline

[Altostrata]

AGAIN:

 

 

Yes, you will need to recover from withdrawal syndrome no matter how you taper off 2.5mg citalopram. How long this will take is unknown.

 

While you are stabilizing on that small amount of citalopram, your nervous system is recovering. In addition, that small amount of citalopram is helping to preserve your sleep.

 

Please stop focusing on 2.5mg citalopram being the root of your problems. Your problems are because you tapered too fast and your nervous system is in an uproar. The nervous system thrives on stability. Give it stability, not more uproar.

 

While you are stabilizing on that small amount of citalopram, your nervous system is recovering.

 

[Iggy131313]

DAMN! Seems I asked the same question eh? maybe I should have that statement tatooed on my forehead...

 

so that means I can be recovering now? and if I taper slowly I should be able to avoid any post med worstening? part of my hopelessness is that I feel like Im in hell now but its going to get alot worse once Im off this failed RI, I dont see this time as recovery.

 

Please understand that when I started back on this failed RI I couldnt speak, I was wetting myself, I had unbearable akathisia, pure terror, I am so shaken and traumatised by whats happened to me over the past 6 months, and Im terrified of going back there, and I think that once Im off this drug that im going to go back there, back to that hell...life is not good now, life is pretty unbearable, cant work, cant look after my son, but Im fully aware that Im not like I was then.

 

I hope I can still be part of the forum...I know my posts stink of desperation and dispear and I am sorry for that, maybe if I can try to understand and believe that I am healing even now it will give me more hope.

 

Thankyou

[Iggy131313]

let me explain my thinking and what worries me, and why I fnd it hard to compute that I am healing now...

 

many people start to go through w/d when they didnt know it was w/d, or go through benzo w/d, and for these reasons go to the Drs and either RI or start up an AD to stop the benzo w/d right?

 

Now you would think that their CNS would stabalise if the drug works...but we have seen all to many times that when THAT drug is discontinued that the previous w/d was in fact, waiting for them, many people have said they re experience the benzo w/d when coming off the AD and can tell a difference between the 2 even when they are experiencing the AD withdrawal too...

 

So why doesnt going on another AD on a thereputic dose allow the CNS to heal?

 

I also find it hard to get my head around this

 

my first w/d from citalopram (CTed nearly a year ago now) wont that still be waiting for me when I come off this small amount, but now with the added adverse reaction and taper?

 

I guess I have to try and see that its the same CNS, but I seem to seperate the 3 things

 

1) CT w/d

2) adverse reaction

3) current taper

 

I cant seem to get into my BLOODY THICK HEAD that my first CT w/d isnt just on hold and waiting for me to come off the drug to get me again, but now with added effects from the adverse reaction and another taper off the drug.

 

I just wanted to explain why Im finding this so difficult to understand, it may be because of the w/d, I find alot of things very difficult to understand at the moment.

[Altostrata]

The point is NOT TO AGGRAVATE your nervous system distress by too quickly going off your present dosage of Celexa.

 

As to how long it will take you to recover, I'm afraid I cannot tell the future. You will have to cope with the uncertainty as we all do.

 

Please stop asking me to explain this to you.

[peggy]

Iggy, once when i was in w/d (thinking it was return of original anxiety) i asked the same question over and over to my doctor - usually in a slightly different form, but essentially the same. I was told - very firmly that she was not going to answer those questions any more because they were my anxiety talking and seeking reassurance doesn't help because one question may get answered but another will quickly surface, because that is the nature of anxiety. Especially if you misinterpret the answer. In retrospect I can see how right she was, but at the time it was hard to take. I worked hard on NOT ENGAGING WITH THE QUESTIONS - at least not ALL the time.

 

When we are well we have many little questions and thoughts that go through our heads and we don't pay them attention, so they float by.

 

You really need to learn to identify those thoughts as faulty.

 

It sounds to me, that you have improved immensely since you CT'd - that shows you ARE healing. Don't start thinking about benzo WD - benzo's are totally different and act on a different neurotransmitter system.

 

We don't know why going on another AD doesn't always work - we are all individual - for some people it does - that's another reason why you can't extrapolate what happens to one person to what will happen to you.

[jr1985]

Hi Iggy, sorry you're still having a rough time. My opinion is that the reason you had such bad withdrawal before was because you went cold turkey, so as long as you taper slowly you shouldn't experience withdrawal on that level. It sounds like a "therapeutic dose" of citalopram was waaaayyy too much for your sensitive nervous system and caused it some distress.

 

While it wasn't as severe, I had a similar experience to you - when I reinstated, the full dose of Effexor (75mg) was too much for me, I could only tolerate 37.5mg. Even at that dose I was afraid it was causing symptoms, and tried reducing, while I was unstable, which just made things worse instead of better. That tells me that it's the CHANGE in dose (i.e. going from 20mg -> 0mg, then 0mg -> 20mg) that causes problems, in which case, the best thing to do is to sit on the current (tiny) dose of citalopram for a while to see if your symptoms change. I know mine did - I felt a lot better just sitting still instead of chopping and changing things!

 

If I were you, I would sit on the current dose for a while to see what happens.

 

PS. I found it really beneficial to re-read my own thread, as it allowed me to see how I had been having the same fears over and over. It helps to give yourself some perspective on things.

[Nikki]

HI Iggy how are you doing? Have you been able to get yourself on a stable dose and if so how you doing with it?

[Iggy131313]

Hi Nikki, no Im still in acute hell here Im afraid, Im on 1.2 and go down to 1.04 tomorrow.

 

I have noticed a pattern though, it came to my attention when I forgot to take my dose at the usual time and took it 2 hours later than usual....that evening I was ready for the akathisia and supercharged anxiety to hit at the usual time and it didnt, I thought maybe I was goijn g to have a night off (obviously its hell ALL the time, but this is superhell and I thought was due to certian times in the day) but then it appeared 2 hours later, coniciding with how I took my citalopram 2 hours late.

 

So I do think that Im reacting badly to it, also within a few hours of taking this small dose I am grinding my teeth alongside intense free flaoting anxiety, intense agitation, and deep deep dispear with suicidal thoughts. Sad, but true, Im not sure how Im making it through each endlessly long day.

 

I hope that as I go lower in dose that the intensity of these side effects will diminish, Im not foolish enough to think they will go away, my CNS is acutly damaged by the CT last Feb (1 year ago oh if only I could go back) and then made worse by the failed reinstatement.

 

My sleep continues to be ok, thank god its all I have and I sleep for 8 or 9 hours per night, but I would trade it to get rid of this horrific anxiety and agitation that I feel non stop...life is a living hell for me, I never knew so much suffering was possible for a human, and in way its not, pain, thats a normal reaction, something familiar, what this is is so unatural and we were never meant to experience it, I cant really believe that its happening to me.

 

Its been 7 months and I havent smiled or laughed or been able to feel relaxed at all, early days in terms of recovery from this, I know that but my god it feels so long.

 

I get very confused also, it could be DR, but I cant seem to construct a thought in my head, its just a mish mash of random snippets of thoughts that make no sense. I look at my dear sweet son and wonder where I went, will I ever get back to him? It doesnt feel like I can, my brain is telling me this is forever, I try to argue back but I dont have much strength left, Im losing this fight I know I am but Im trying so hard.

 

somewhere around midnight I can feel a little calmer and I do try to use this time to tell myself I can recover, claim some kind of life back, but as soon as the morning comes I lose that resolve because my mind has reverted back to hell mode and all I can see is pain and suffering and hopelessness. Im greiving terribly for my old life, things were going so well, I had been promoted at work (now I cant work) I was overjoyed with my little family (now Im heartbroken) and was planning to have a baby (now wont be possible for me) I was so happy, so very happy and it all went in the blink of an eye, Im still reeling from the shock to be honest and deeply greiving for what is lost to me now.

 

Well, this is a depressing post isnt it? But thats how I am and how Im feeling. I cant help that, my god how I wish I could.

 

Thanks for checking on me, I wish so much I had something better to report but I just dont know what to do, sometimes I think I should try getting on another ssri and just living the 10 years it would possibly give me, but then I would always be thinking that I should have given myself a chance to heal.

 

Thats what is even more criminal about this condiition, invisable, yet so painful, torturous and inhumaine and there nothing I can do to stop it, and no way to know when or if it might end for me. Im so terrified sometimes I have to stop myself screaming out loud. sad, very sad indeed

[flower]

I pray for peace for you Iggy..I'm frightened of this Celexa beyond words.

[Iggy131313]

I am now on 1.04mg, I wonder if it would be a good idea to hold and see if my symptoms might settle down, this is so awful.

 

How long a hold should I try at this point? 6 months?

 

that would give all the drops I haev made time to catch up with me wouldnt it?

 

I mean, whislt I am stabalising on this small amount of celexa my nervous system is recovering, god, any fool knows that right?

[Karma]

Iggy

 

It never hurts to hold. Monitor your symptoms and let you body tell you how long to hold.

 

Karma

[Brandy]

I was just going to say what Karma did.

 

I've noticed that when people drop with small consistent percentage drops, they start noticing patterns to their tapers (drops), and those patterns are the key to knowing when to drop. Those patterns can change over time (sometimes for the better!), and then taper schedules can be carefully revised over time. So keep a written (or online) "journal" of primary symptoms and changes. Including those changes for the better!

 

I've seen that many people notice after a while that there are often fairly consistent ups and downs after each drop, then a period of stability that tells them it's safe to drop again. Because of the ups and downs your doctor had you do when you reinstated, give it a few "cycles" of slow small drops to see a real pattern.

 

How long have you been at 1.04?

[Iggy131313]

I dont know what to do, Im about to lose my job because Im too sick to work, my husband is getting tired of this and I think he is going to leave and take my son. I asked him if he was and he said 'I dont know' I dont know what to do, Im so desperate for relief and I just dont know how to make it better.

 

Im being punished in my life for what has happened to me, and with losing everything that was once so dear to me I cant see the point of living.

 

Im screaming out for something, someone, anyone to help me and I just have no idea where to turn, what to do. If I could go back on a med I would to keep my family but thats not going to work is it?

 

God help me I dont know what to do

[peggy]

what is your job Iggy? Have you been on medical leave? and for how long?

[Iggy131313]

I am/was the disability officer at a large college, I work(ed) with students with complex medical needs and physical and mental health issues, putting in place any changes they may need to access the ciriculum, also providng all their personal and medical care.

 

Some of my students could and would have life threatening issues many times per day, I would have to act quickly to put life saving measures in place. I loved it, I was there for 7 years and had just been promoted, and given a team of 12 staff.

 

I just found out that one of the students I was working closly with, a very poorly boy, has been accepted to oxford university, I wish I was there to conngratulate him

 

I have been off sick since July last year, I have 7 months left before I think they will dismiss me.

 

Just one of the many loses Im facing. My heart has broken.

[Altostrata]

Can you go on disability yourself?

[Iggy131313]

I think things work differently in the UK to America, I had to speak to occupational health and give them the particulars of whats happening to me (Thank God I have the diagnosis from Dr Healy) and now work have to decide if my illness will clear up and enable me to go back ....but as we know, I dont know if that will ever be possible.

 

I dont want to lose the job, but I doubt they will hold it open for me for the years it will take me to gradually heal, Is disability keeping your job open? I mean, is that what going on dissability menas?

 

To be honest, I will be devestated to lose my job but its the fact that I think Im going to lose my husband and son thats really making things worse and I have no idea how to try to keep them...Im cooking Im cleaning but I cant stop crying or freezing in terror, things like taking my son to bed are so overwhelming to me and I feel just so hopeless.

[tezza]

Hi Iggy,

 

I'm sorry things are so bad...I hope your husband doesn't leave you. I do want to say that there is hope...I felt like there was no hope of getting better but I finally did stabilize.

 

You do need to hold probably and let things settle down at least. It took me several months to really feel better, just don't give up.

 

Hugs,

Tezza

[Iggy131313]

If I tried another less stimulating med do you think it would stop the w/d? It wouldnt would it?

 

Im searching for a way out of this mess when I know there is none, but now its like a race against the clock to recover or lose my family. and we all know that w/d cannot be rushed.

 

Im REALLy scared of coming off this last 1mg, and things getting alot worse, how will my husband cope then? I can see him just walking out and leaving me and then Im scared of myself and how I will react, I am truly a danger to myself at this point, and if that happens, well I cant even begin to imagine.

 

All the horrors in front of me to add on to the hell Im already in, the return of the akathisia, the insomnia, I know whats coming and Im so scared.

[dalsaan]

Hi Iggy

 

You dont know what's coming, you only think you do and we have challenged your thoughts on this matter numerous times. Thinking the worst will stress your system and in so doing, will go a long way to creating the reality you dread.

 

Take responsibility for this by learning mindfulness techniques and challenging your fatalism

[Iggy131313]

Thanks Dalsaan, I do try to tell myself that and I try to be mindful, Its just that most accounts I have read show that things get alot worse when you come off a failed RI, and I know my experience is my own...

 

Yes I also try to tell myself that by getting so worked up about my fate everyday I make things worse but I cant seem to be able to stop the fear and depression cycle, all I do is cry and dread the future.

 

I wonder if there is a chance that this is the worst time and things may improve for me when Im off, have you ever seen things happen like that?

 

Im sorry, Im reassurance seeking again and I know no one can tell me whats going to happen to me, and I know that my system will gradually heal over time, but I find it hard to see hope that things wont get worse when I havent ever seen that happen on accouts I have read.

 

Thankyou so much everyone for your support and for replying to me, I know Im maddening, and you are all very kind, I appriciate your support more than you can know.

 

Tezza, yes I hope my husband doesnt leave me, but in all honesty I dont blame him, I would leave me too, I have never hated myself before but I certainly do now, if it was possible I would leave myself!

[Skyler]

Im sorry, Im reassurance seeking again and I know no one can tell me whats going to happen to me, and I know that my system will gradually heal over time, but I find it hard to see hope that things wont get worse when I havent ever seen that happen on accouts I have read.

 

Yes I also try to tell myself that by getting so worked up about my fate everyday I make things worse but I cant seem to be able to stop the fear and depression cycle, all I do is cry and dread the future.

 

Caroline, I have seen fewer accounts of people who do NOT recover from WD, and I have read thousands of accounts over the past 3 years. Sure, some have more difficulty than others, but the vast majority do recover, RI or not.

 

What you see as your fate is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Did you think this way about things before WD became a factor, that the worst case scenario was the most likely to occur?. You have a mindset that things will go badly, and you do this by gradually making the facts fit your misapprehensions ('the depression cycle').

 

Does this make sense to you? What you are putting yourself through is so dreadfully painful, and I suspect you are convincing your husband you will stay sick just as you are convincing yourself. Please look at the pattern here.

 

I'm sorry this is so incredibly difficult. It has to be awful.

 

Skyler

 

Edited 6:55 PM

[areyouthere]

I would leave me too, I have never hated myself before but I certainly do now, if it was possible I would leave myself!

 

Iggy this really resounded with me. Last summer when I was in one of my longer running ruminating moods, my husband stomped out of the house mumbling something about not liking to be around me when I was like that. When he came back in I broke down and wept. I said, "you're lucky! You can get away from me. I can't. I don't like being this way and I can't do anything about it and I can't leave!!!".

 

It was a revelation for me. I had never thought about it that way. I had never actually articulated how I felt.. that I wished I could leave that part of "me" behind and just take a break myself. That was when I set my sights on doing whatever I had to do to fix, get rid of or somehow improve the part of "me" I couldn't stand.

 

Just throwing it out there.... your post made me think of that day. I'm not sure what it is I'm going to have to do...I may have to embrace and love something about myself that I learned to hate long ago or maybe just kicking these drugs will do it. Probably a combination of the two??? Who knows.

 

But I just don't think that any of us were born or destined to have to suffer through this kind of pain for a life time. Please hang in there. Do those things that you know work for you to feel even a little bit better because it does get better. I can already say that from personal experience. And more than anything else, be gentle with yourself as you try to sort the parts of you that you want to keep and those you need to heal and those you need to leave behind.

 

NOT an easy job but we can all make it just a bit easier by doing ourselves a favor , accept that it won't be easy, but also that baby steps may be small but they eventually WILL get us to where we want to be. HUGS!!!!!

 

RU

[Nikki]

Iggy I loved what Sklyer and RU said to you. They are spot on. Sometimes we can't see the forest because of the trees and in a state of WD filled with anxiety you have to learn t let others carry you, when you cannot carry yourself.

 

Has you husband ever said he was leaving?

 

My guess is that you are experiencing very troubling Neuro-emotions fueled by WD anxiety.

 

When this would happen to me it would seem like it would never end, and then at the 11th hour, the cycle would stop.

 

I have mentioned to you that you may do well by adding some Imipramine to interrupt this cycle.

 

You are suffering. Stay far away from ssri's. Benzo's are addictive, but you may need to take something to give yourself a break from this suffering.

 

Anxiety feeds on itself and escalates. It is exhausting and is generally followed by self-loathing.

 

You are not a failure. The RI didn't work that doesn't make you a villain. You are a person who has been affected by an ssri. Please show yourself some compassion.

 

Hugs and more hugs

[Skyler]

I have mentioned to you that you may do well by adding some Imipramine to interrupt this cycle.

 

You are suffering. Stay far away from ssri's. Benzo's are addictive, but you may need to take something to give yourself a break from this suffering.

Nikki... I'm confused. Alto is trying to keep Caroline from causing herself the needless harm that would come about by trying yet another med, and has made numerous posts to this end. While I am very happy imipramine has helped you, Caroline is in a different position.We are supporting her decision to stick with celexa and taper judiciously down from that AD. Also, benzos are an addictive class of drug and would not be advisable.

 

Given Caroline's circumstances I'm flummoxed. Do you think Alto ill advised on this one? I for one give her a great deal of credence as she has helped so many on this site, myself included.

[antoinette]

Im so sorry iggy. I believe the worst is over for you. Just keep doing what your doing. I know its easier said than done. I get the same and feel like im losing everyone. Im plain old mean. Yes im working and appear to be doing so well but inside im a mess. The one thing that works is keeping myself as busy as possible. I feel like i want to try something else too but i know we will get better. This cant or wont last forever. Im thinking of you iggy.

[jr1985]

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Can you explain to your husband that it WILL get better, you won't always be like this. As for work, who knows what you'll be like in 7 months time, you may have improved to the point where you can function again! If I were you, I'd try and help things along by doing some meditation, exercise and maybe look at your diet. I think it's better for you psychologically if you feel actively engaged in your recovery, rather than just sitting around waiting for it to happen (not saying you're doing this!).

[strawberry17]

Iggy131313 I'm sorry it's all such a nightmare, that sounds so trite when you may be losing a job and family. On the other hand it is very easy to completely catastrophize when in the depths of withdrawal, or neuro emotion, can you take rational steps to talk to your employers about your situation, maybe draft a letter? check and recheck before you send it? find out the lay of the land? I think also Antoinette makes a good point about being busy, I found that soldiering on as though everything was "normal" often helped even when I was dying inside, in other words a bit like faking it to make it. You have one thing on your side, you sleep extremely well, that counts for a lot, akathisia and insomnia are truly horrible.

 

The other thing is, don't dwell on people who've suffered years out, yes that can happen, but think of all the people who HAVE made a complete recovery and moved on with their lives, we just don't hear about them, because they're getting on with their lives away from sites like this, it's very easy to get sucked into thinking it will always be like this, it won't!!!