success ☼ Alex Withdrawal or Relapse?

[Jemima]

I've darkened the room and I'm having good results already...incredible!

 

Thank you Jemima;btw, how are you doing?

 

AHEM.  Far be it from me to say I told you so....   

 

Seriously, I'm very happy to hear that you're doing better.  Sleeping in the darkest possible conditions helped me a lot.  And the good feedback on our advice is much appreciated.  Amazing what a relatively simple, inexpensive adjustment can make.

 

I'm getting better, although the increments seem tiny.  I feel as if I'm not very far from fully being my old, creative self.  Not there yet, but I can see it from here.

[alex]

I have been taking 0.25 Xanax bed time for the last 9 months aprox.I would like to taper but I can't due to very broken sleep.

Maybe to switch to Diazepam that has a longer half-life and start tapering from there?

I really appreciate some advice.

 

I also take herbal tea, Melatonin, Phosphatidylserine. I am 11 months off Effexor 150mgs

[Jemima]

I didn't realize you were taking Xanax.  If you've been taking it steadily for nine months, chances are you've become dependent and some of your sleeping problems and other discomfort may be due to inter-dose withdrawal.  What that means is that the drug wears off after so many hours and a person experiences a kind of mini-withdrawal until the next dose.

 

Would you be able to take half the dose twice a day at twelve hours apart?  I think that might help.

 

I wouldn't be concerned with tapering off right now while you're still having symptoms. 

[alex]

What do you mean "wouldn't be concerned"?

Should I try to taper or switch to a lower dose of Diazepam?

[Jemima]

I mean it's not a good idea to taper off Xanax or switch to diazepam while you're still in withdrawal from Effexor.  One thing at a time.

[alex]

But Jemima, insomnia due to w/d can take a long time to improve; I don't want to get benzo addictiion meanwhile.

I would like to taper slowly and continue with all the natural help I'm using now, but w/o the benzo....

I only get xanax to help me sleep.

[Jemima]

Alex, the problem is that you've been on Xanax long enough to already be addicted.  It only takes a few weeks and doctors generally don't tell people about this when they write the scripts.

 

When people taper off of a benzo, they generally taper by tiny amounts, hold for a month or so, and then proceed.  One of the guideposts for deciding when to make another cut is the absence of withdrawal symptoms.  Since you're still having withdrawal symptoms from Effexor it's going to be very, very difficult to know if the withdrawal symptoms are still coming from Effexor or from the benzo taper, and then the benzo taper can go all wrong, leaving you with even worse withdrawal symptoms.

 

At the very least, please read Dr. Shipko's book as GiaK recommended before you proceed.

[alex]

I am in my 1 year off mark today.

I v'e been thinking about writting an update, but my poor english and apathy makes it hard.But I'll try my best.

First of all I would like to say that I have lost the sense of waves and windows;all I know is that despite my fear about this process, some things are getting better.

It's like symptoms overlap;some get better, others get worse, but with a slight improvement overall.

Also my "neuro-fears" about w/d changes: a few months ago it was about the terrible insomnia, then sexual problems;this last one I try not to even think about it because I don't even have a partner...my girlfriend left me again.

Now I'm dealing with depression, anhedonia, and my personal situation doesn't help.I am a 60 yrs old jobless, lonely man.

But I have to say that some things have improved, and I've had moments where I've felt almost normal...windows??

The symptom that has improved the most is anxiety and dysphoria.I can deal with daily stressors now without getting that awful panic-anxiety feeling.

My concentration has improved, now I'm able to watch more tv, interact with people, w/o getting the anxiety feeling.

My apetite is better;I put up some weight (little) I am doing some exercise with weights, walking 45 min. almost daily.

Even insomnia is getting a little better, I guess...I get asleep easily and even though I wake up through the night, I get back to sleep with no feeling of anxiety.

I can get 7hrs or more of broken sleep, but I do sleep!I don't know if I am healing or coping better, or both...

I am a singer, and my voice has been affected too.Has anyone have changes in the voice? this symptom makes me very sad.

As I have said before my situation has changed from "terrifying", to "very difficult" and in the last months to "difficult"

I don't have almost any physical symptoms,only tinnitus, (low) and smell hypersensitivity, getting better (maybe)

Well, this is about it; I have to fight apathy and brain fog to do anything, but I do it.

My hope is that things keep improving this second year of w/d and that this will be a lesson not to take things for granted like I used to before AD came into my life.

So I think that despite my fear and waves of hopelessnes, I am having and overall improvement.

 

Thanks to everyone

[mandance]

Hey Alex. I am new to the forums and also am coming off from effexor. I dont have as much experience of recovery as the other members as im only on a few weeks off. But I just wanted to say that I believe in you and know you can be good again. I know its hard but try to remember the truth of the universe. That nothing is permanent in life. Your suffering isnt permanent, our lives are not permanent..these cities and mountains...this planet is not permanent. I can relate to being an artist..i am an professional artist and also play guitar. Dont forget to keep singing and making music, it seriously helps.

 

Keep your head up.

[alex]

Thank you mandance.

You are young, you "will" do it. It is very hard at the begining; I also thought I was going crazy, but it has become less difficult.

Maybe I have more experience than you, but I am older...but still fighting.

 

Sending healing vibes.

[lexicon]

Alex, look at you, and your wonderful, articulate English ..

Good to see you again Alex,and good to see how wonderfully you have improved ..

How awesome is that ..?

Pretty soon, at the pace you are going, you will be writing your success story.

Keep up the good work ..

Thinking of you, and wishing you to continue to get well.

Love, Lexi

[alex]

Thank you Lex; well, yes my hope is that I keep Improving and eventually be able to live at least near to normal whatever of life is left for me.

 

Love to you too.A.

[alex]

I took a nap! for the first time since all this ordeal begun, I laid down for a while, with my eyes closed, like I do often, and before I knew, I fell asleep...

maybe for "normal" people it is not the big thing, but it is for me!

 

I keep fighting this awful condition.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

For us, naps and sleeping are so precious and welcome when they come. And cause so much anguish when they don't. I'm happy for ya!

[alex]

Thank you CW!

[Narcissus]

Glad to hear that Alex.  I too often find myself feeling grateful for having just normal basic experiences like napping, or say, not feeling like pounded crap.  The gratitude is nice while it lasts.

[alex]

Thank you Narcissus, it is hard to find meaning in this process.

My only hope is that we will recover some day, and we'll be stronger, wiser, better people.

The Alex that lead me to take AD wasn't to good.

[alex]

I have noticed a substantial improvement in my symptoms during the day; anxiety, anhedonia, DP. are better. But insomnia is relentless; I wake up constantly, and I find myself forced to take some benzo to get through the night, and I don't like it because the trouble of taknig benzos may bring.

I am really discouraged and scared.

I don't know if there is hope or things are gonna get more complicated instead of better.

My life isn't much meaningful right now

[lexicon]

Try not to get discouraged Alex,

You have been a viking all this time, and things will level out.

Just don't loose faith.

I do not understand why it is that healing is not in a straight line,

so that we can see and feel it ..It is crooked and comes and goes.

But we need to stand strong, to be able to achieve well being.

Thinking of you always ..

Love Lexi

[alex]

Here I am trying to make an update, despìte the the big apathy and tiredness that I'm feeling these days.

Language is an osbtacle too.I wish I could express myself like in my own language.

I don't know how to start;despite the fact that I've seen improvement in areas like anxiety and dysphoria, I have this terrible feeling that at my age I wont be able to recover from the "consecuences" of this situation.I feel so tired and demotivated, it is hard even to sit down and write these lines.

I have seen improvement, yes, even in sleep, but I don't know if I am gonna have the strength to pull out from this situation.

In some way I am glad I got off the damn drug, because it was starting to do more harm than good.Now I have to pay the price, and it seems to be very high

I think I am in a wave right now...very low and tired.Scared;scared that this is it for me...

As I said I have seen some important improvement, like I am able to interact with people w/o getting the awful anxiety-dysphoria feeling;I am watching more tv, reading the papers;going out and sometimes even been able to "enjoy" with my friends.Last week we went to the coast and I had a very clear window.

I am a singer, and one of the awful symptoms is that my voice has been very affected;not only when I sing, but when I talk.I have seen though some improvement in this area also.

It is incredible the harm that these drugs can do to your body.

The dark thoughts have subsided a little;I've had this weird obsession with death, not been able to talk about it, or watch it on tv, papers, etc.This is getting better also.What an evil experience this is!!

I am been able to sleep a little better, in the sense that even if a wake up, I go back to sleep, with natural stuff help and a little benzo that I'm trying to taper very slowly.As a matter of fact I am doing better in this area too because a few months ago I was taking 2 psy meds. for sleep: Seroquel 12.5mg and Xanax 0.25 and sometimes more;now I only take 0.20mg xanax aprox.no more Seroquel.

I'm gonna be 60 next November.I guess I don't have too much to celebrate, but I am here, hanging on in one of the hardest moments of my hard life.

 

Oh, one more thing,I am been able to listen to music and enjoy it...incredible that I'm saying this...how monstrous this is.

 

Thank you all brave and good people.

[Petunia]

Hi Alex,

Thank you for posting an update.  I'm sorry you are still feeling tired and demotivated, but you have made some big improvements in other areas and I'm sure your energy and motivation will come back.  You have only been off the Seroquel for 2 months.  That's strong medication, I took a quarter of a very low dose one time and it knocked me out for almost 24 hours.  My sister was on it for about 6 months and she had a hard time coming off it.  While she was taking it, she slept nearly all day, but when she stopped taking it, she couldn't sleep at night.

 

When I'm in a wave and feeling bad, I also have no hope for my future.  But when I get a small window, or when I'm feeling slightly better in the evening, I can imagine a possibility of building a new life.

 

We have to have faith that as we continue to recover, our energy and motivation will return too.

[lexicon]

Alex, how are you feeling ..?

Are things a little easier?

I sure hope so ..Hang in there my friend ..

Thinking of you ..

Love Lexi

[alex]

Hi Lexi;well here I am hanging on.

Yes, things maybe a little better for me.I don't have those awful feelings of dread and doom, anxiety has subsided a lot, and even when my sleep still very broken I am able to get back to sleep easily, despite the fact that I am tapering the little benzo I take at night.

Very tired and demotivated, but I have seen clear windows lately.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

Hugs, A.

[alex]

I've been thinking about making this update or not, but here it goes:

I'm having clear,long lasting windows!!

In this month I can count 6 days in which I have felt almost symptom free...able to enjoy, laugh, interact with people, no anxiety, no dysphoria, very little or no DP or DR;much more confident, with a sense of inner peace.

My voice is coming back;my apetite is much better.Sexually better.Fatigue and tiredness comes and goes, but the waves are  weaker, no doubt.

The only symptom that persists is insomnia, but even that is getting slowly better, because I wake up but can get back to sleep quite easily most of the time.

I don't know but only a few weeks or days ago I was very discouraged;today i feel I can tell you this for sure:I am on my way to recovery.

The only med. I'm taking is 0.18mg xanax at night and tapering.Just a few months ago I used to take 12.5 Seroquel and 0.25-0.50mg xanax, and even though I have lowered the meds. my sleep problem is more "tolerable"

I am starting to sing again, doing some exercise with weights, (little) and trying to be positive and not overdoing it.

 

I wish I could express myself better in english, but this is my message to everyone,hang on, it gets better, I am better!

And I forgot to mention, that all this is happening despite a very bad personal situation financially.But it will get better too, I hope, and my health and well-being is above all that.What a lesson!!

[wantrelief]

I was so happy to read your update, Alex!  It is wonderful to hear you are feeling better.  That is very inspiring news for those of us in the thick of things or farther along in the recovery process.  Thank you for you post.  And by the way, you express yourself very well in English!

 

Michele

[Petunia]

Thank you for the update Alex, its helpful to hear when people are getting better.  I'm happy you are starting to feel better.  Also, thank you for your encouragement in my thread.

[lexicon]

Bravo Alex ..

What wonderful news .. You see there? We have to believe that we will heal in

time ..It truly happens ..!!

Sending you much love

Take good care of you.

Lexi

[alex]

Thank you Michele,Petu and Lexi for your encouraging words.

Yes, it is getting better;slowly but surely.

This is like the Rubik Cube thing.Symptoms overlap and change.

Now I'm having morning anxiety that I didn't have in months, but nothing severe.

 

It does get better.

 

Hugs to you all,A.

[alex]

After having one of the best days in months yesterday, almost symptom free, I am having a bad morning.

Nothing severe at all, just that ugly depression-dread felling.

Mornings, (getting out of bed) is hard for me in this horrible process.

It is hard not to loose hope and keep struggling for better more permanent times.

 

Intrusive thougths about death still around; not exactly suicide, but death;death in the news, other people's death.It is so weird.It's fear I guess.

Bad morning today, after an excelent day yesterday....

[Jemima]

I think it's especially hard to tolerate a wave after a good, long window.  I've just had a few windows that felt like the real me, but they were oh, so brief, and today is a moderate wave.  It isn't really that bad, but it's frustrating to experience again after having some really good moments.

 

You know what to do - hang in there!

[Petunia]

I'm sorry you are having a bad morning,  its difficult when a symptom comes back that you thought was over, but I'm sure this will pass again quickly.

 

Do something nice for yourself, have some fun, and maybe avoid the news and newspapers for a while.

[alex]

Thank you Petu and Jemima;I'm doing better now.

Waves and windows....very weird.

Waves don't come as powerfull though.

It is getting gradually better.And while this happen,I'm becoming a stronger, better person;I think.

[alex]

I am in a bad wave; dysphoria,that awful mixture of depression, anxiety, fear...

It is hard to remember that only last Saturday I was having a very good day.

My personal situation is very stressful right now, and I think that doesn't help at all.

Doing what I have to do though, despite of the ugly symptoms.

I've been reading about other people's improvements and I feel very happy for them and give me hope.

For what I've read, the 2 year mark seems to be the magic number.........

I really want to believe that all this pain is worth it, not only because I got rid of the nasty drug, but I will get out from the tunnel been a bettter, stronger human being.

 

Sending healing vibes to all of you, my brothers and sisters. A.

[tezza]

Alex, I'm so sorry, believe me, I know how it feels to almost forget about those windows. You almost doubt that you had one but you did and that's a good sign.

 

Hang in there, you will be stronger. Circumstances do seem to aggravate WDs. I went into a real bad, long wave because of difficult situations with my grown children. I thought that would never end!

 

Thank God, it did and I believe it will for you, too.

 

{{{Hugs}}}

[alex]

Thank you Tezza.

I am glad you are doing better, it makes me hopefull.

 

Hugs,A.

[MrAnxious]

Hey what time do you take your medication at? I was having big insomnia problems until i started taling it earlier?? Worth a shot if you take them later..worked for me. The med was keeping me up.