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brassmonkey

☼ Brassmonkey: Talking about myself

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aberdeen

Hope your mini wave ends soon!

Ive only ever played Blitz, but the unending time frame sounds fun. I will get back into it when I have something good to  play it on, the laptop isnt easy.

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LexAnger

Brass, so sorry for the pains and aches! I know it so well and can feel for you as it has been with me for years, going through it at this moment too.

Sending hugs to you!

Lex

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hardy86

Hi brassmonkey

How are you feeling today? I hope that you are feeling better and no brain zaps lately. All this WD is awful. Keep strong

Hardy

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brassmonkey

NZ11-- you keep leaving your self wide open for zingers. lol  First thinking about figures at night and now this.  I'll have a good look when I get home. (that wide enough open?) 

 

I was hoping someone would come up with something like this.  I wanted to give it a try but couldn't even figure out where to start.  Thanks to the bunch of you for jumping in and doing this, it will be really helpful.  I think putting along side SBs dose calculator spreadsheet would be a good place to start.

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nz11

lol

Yeah well the editing window is still live so .....mind you i dont really know how else to say it.

How about .....'You know where to stick it' ! lol

 

Anyway yeah i think it should be in a prominent place like a spreadsheet sticky or something.

 

lol you just reminded me of a police officer joke.

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brassmonkey

Well? Don't leave us hanging------

 

I'm into the second week at the new dose.  Been having a lot do dizziness and brain fog.  It comes and goes, but when it's here I'm really noticing it.  Also there have been a lot more twitches lately.  Primarily my left eye, as usual, which is a real nuisance. 

 

I also seem to be getting a bunch of breakouts and mouth sores, but I think they have more to do with the stress of events from the past weekend.  That makes number 15 for me since I started tapering/got sober about four and a half years ago and I'm finding it pretty tough to work through.  But it hasn't even been a week yet, so like everything else it needs more time.  It really does point up just how serious, scary, painful and dangerous this WD business is, and having it thrust upon us through no fault of our own takes some doing to reconcile.  It was made very clear to me a couple of months after I joined Prior Place when one of the more popular members, who had been one of the early ones to greet me, decided she had had enough.  It was a hard lesson I will never forget and each subsequent one has been no easier. As you can see I'm not able to come right out and talk about it directly but still have to shroud the topic in generalities.  Well, back to thinking about other things.

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nz11

Well on a more light hearted figures note...

This mornings latest news : 'its been reported there is a hole in the side of the womans changing shed, however the police said they will be looking into it immediately!

[Two Ronnies news report joke from years back...im showing my age.]

 

As i type this i have nerve twitchings in my leg, haven't had the eyes one for awhile.

 

One has to be very strong to survive wdl thats for sure....or  very angry!

 

Its so upsetting to hear that people were unable to hold on just a little bit more, prior to my experience with this i would have been asking why on earth did someone do that ..now i totally understand. People including doctors just have no idea. I guess thats why Healy says the ssri era will be one of the most shameful in the history of medicine.

 

Hey you are doing so very well Brass, not far to go now.

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brassmonkey

I really like the Two Ronnies. First saw them when I was at University in London.  I won't say how long ago that was, but my friend God had just come up with this stuff he called dirt.

 

I've gone the angry route on other things and just don't want to spend the energy on this one.  Get it over and done with, then get on with come heavy catching up.

 

I can totally understand, but I have a real hard time accepting.  Once you've made it this far in life you really have learned that every thing is temporary.  Having to wait something out for a couple of years is nothing.  But you've had to have survived this long to learn the lesson.

 

The thing I'm really worried about is the announcement a couple of days ago by the CDC and I think the WHO that all doctors should give every patient a depression screening every time they see someone for a "booboo".  There was no corresponding statement about what they should do about it if they find it.  So I for see a huge jump in AD prescriptions coming.

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SquirrellyGirl

 

 

The thing I'm really worried about is the announcement a couple of days ago by the CDC and I think the WHO that all doctors should give every patient a depression screening every time they see someone for a "booboo".  There was no corresponding statement about what they should do about it if they find it.  So I for see a huge jump in AD prescriptions coming.

I"d already been on ADs before this happened, but that is how I got put on Effexor!  Went to the doctor for a protracted flu, and he declared that I was generally depressed and needed to see a psychiatrist!  12 years of Effexor later, here I am :-(  Feels like such a hopeless situation, all those trusting, unaware souls adding $$$ to Big Pharma's bottom line.  Disgusting!

 

SG

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Songbird

Its so upsetting to hear that people were unable to hold on just a little bit more, prior to my experience with this i would have been asking why on earth did someone do that ..now i totally understand.

 

I do too, nz11.  I feel upset too, and also I feel fortunate to still be here.  The hell I experienced when I crashed was intolerable - if I tried to describe it to someone who had never been there, I don't think they could imagine it.  At the time I even considered that way out, just to get relief from the unbearable torture.  It's horrible to think of that now.  I was very lucky my updose worked and I could restabilise.

 

 

The thing I'm really worried about is the announcement a couple of days ago by the CDC and I think the WHO that all doctors should give every patient a depression screening every time they see someone for a "booboo".  There was no corresponding statement about what they should do about it if they find it.  So I for see a huge jump in AD prescriptions coming.

 

That's really creepy.  It's so insidious, all this drug-pushing under the guise of health "care".

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direstraits

Isn't it interesting we never had so much "depression" until these drugs came on the scene;it's not about helping people,it's about making money,and we all suffer the consequences.

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Songbird

There is this big push to make sure every case of depression is identified and treated, when research has shown that most cases of depression resolve on their own.  Research has also shown that those who are not treated with ADs have better long-term outcomes, than those who are treated with ADs, who tend to "relapse".

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grandmaD

Hi, brass, wanted to drop in and say hi!  Good comments above, I don't think we will ever be totally over it and the damage done to us and others.

 

I think I know the person you referred to at Prior Place - I like the analogy to PP!  She was one of the first people to greet and help me too, and I was rocked by what happened, but it certainly was a wake up call to all of us as I'm sure we have all contemplated a quick way out.  We are all very fortunate to still be here, all these years later, when things (for me, anyway) got worse and worse, but I've never forgotten her.

 

It is totally maddening - about Big Pharma and the $'s. I've been struggling along since New Year when my son o/d.  He has survived but not good.  Those of you from the Prior Place may recall how angry and frustrated I was 2 years ago when he was put on a drug for epilepsy and shortly thereafter put on Citropalam.  When I looked the a/d up, it said not to be given to people on epilepsy drugs!  I tried desperately to warn him and his new wife about a/d's and as a result, they cut me off and never spoke to me again!  His wife said if he didn't go on them she would leave him.  2 years down the track (last Nov.) she left anyway!   So he o/d ...

Nuff said.

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brassmonkey

I remember you talking about him years ago, I'm so sorry it ended up coming to this.  I have real trouble reading the threads about personal lives that have been shattered by all of this.  It really leaves me at a loss for words.

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nick1990

Hey Brass. How you doing ? Have been following your thread since I started here and love seeing your progress.

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brassmonkey

Hi Nick-- thanks for dropping in. I've been really busy the past few weeks so haven't taken the time to update.  Just finished up week three at this dose and for the most part things are going pretty good.  I had intermittent bouts with the WD symptoms all week, mainly dizziness and cog fog.  The cold (for So Cal) has reall been bothering me lately especially while working in the shop.  My hands just don't want to cooperate and do what they're told and my hands and back ache constantly.  My anxiety level seems to be up too, been getting palpitations and the beginning surges of panic which I have to squash quickly so it doesn't gain control.  If all goes according to pattern things should be settling in the next couple of day.

 

Got some situationl stuff going on too.  Monica goes in for her first operation on Thursday.  Everything is under control and she's really calm about it which is great.  So the worrying then falls to the support people, me, and I'm doing my job well.  Outside things look fine, but I think it has more than a little to do with the current anxiety.

 

Today's been really pleasant out so I've been having a good time cleaning up the flower beds in preparation for spring.

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hardy86

Hi brassmonkey

Hope u have settled down now and are feeling better. Nothing worst than suffering like we do not fair. You sound busy which is a good thing I guess to keep the mind on something else. Well hope you have more good days.

Take care hardy

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brassmonkey

I posted this on another thread and want to keep a record of it here:

 

There is so much new, technical and at times conflicting information to try and absorb while your brain isn't working the way you'd like, it can be very frustrating, confusing and scary.  You'll start to make sense of it all pretty soon.

 

When a you takes a dose of these meds it takes about three to four hours for it to fully enter the blood and start working.  Once that happens the body start using it up and getting rid of it.  The time it takes for the body has removed half of the dose is referred to the meds "half life" and is different for each drug. So you take a dose today the amount in the blood peaks and starts to taper down, but there is still some there when you take a dose tomorrow and again the next day etc.  It takes four days for the peeks and valleys to even out to a fairly level amount.  During those four days any symptoms that come up are usually due to those fluctuations so you can't know how the dose is really affecting you.  Once the drug is steady state then the body can react to it in a steady manner and you can tell how you're tolerating it.  So most symptoms/improvements that come up during the first four days after a "dose change event" are considered invalid when assessing how well you're tolerating the change.

 

On top of that symptoms/improvements caused by the dose change event can take from a week to several months to happen.  Symptoms from a decrease frequently show up fairly quickly, unlike improvements from an updose or reinstatement which often take in the four week to several month range, sometimes longer.  It's something people don't want to hear, because they want relief now.  But there really is no way around it.  

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brassmonkey

It's been one of those on again off again weeks. Monday was pretty miserable with the anxiety and agitation, not to mention everything possible going wrong at work.  Tuesday was great, and now today I've slipped back toward Mondays status with the anxiety and agitation. The work situation hasn't improved either, just had a project blow up, literally, several pounds of sticky goo all over my work area.  It's going to a lot of fun cleaning that stuff up. 

 

Monica goes in for her surgery tomorrow so that's not helping my nerves any either.

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SquirrellyGirl

Brass, I'm sorry you've got these stressors going on that bring the WD to the surface, it seems.  What is it about this week?  I've got the nervy anxious feeling just under the surface, too.  Spring coming too early!

 

I hope you get settled.  My thoughts are with you and your wife with the surgery tomorrow. One moment at a time :-)

 

SG

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brassmonkey

Well the surgery has been canceled.  The coordinator dropped the ball and the approvals that we were told were ready weren't.  So now we get to wait on approvals again and then reschedule.  Monica's being philosophical about, I'm POed.

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aberdeen

Hang in there Brass. I hope it is rescheduled sooner than later, how annoying.

I started back on Bejewelled, and had to get my son to collect all my gifts, lmao. I had a fine time buying special gems, and got some great scored because of them. Living high and fancy, if not in real life, then at least virtually,lol.

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brassmonkey

Yea, I got your present thanks.  I've been having a great time with it and rather look forward to "blowing things up" in the evening.

 

The week is continuing in the same vain, just a different tune.  Today's symptom of choice is depression.  Starts with a nice basic nerodepression and then the spiral takes hold and of we go.  It's not helping with the having to reschedule Monica's stuff either.  But changing the channel has been working pretty well most of the day, so at least it's controllable. I don't think I'll be doing my planned drop on Monday, better to let this one ride for a while longer.

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aberdeen

Of all wd symptoms, thats my least favorite. Sorry to hear you have it, it seems to have a life of its own sometimes. We're so close now. Good idea to wait.

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Songbird

I've never been able to decide whether depression or anxiety was worse.  They're both awful.  Hope it lifts for you soon.

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katieb

Hope your feeling better soon. (())

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AmyK

Many hugs! Depression is so hard. But it will lift. It's chemical. Sorry about M:s operation. I hope it is rescheduled soon.

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brassmonkey

Thank you for the support ladies, it really helps. Luckily the depression has been in manageable waves of a few hours each.  It's been a while so it catches me off guard and it takes a little while to figure out what is going on.

 

They called and said everything has been figured out and the operation has been rescheduled for this coming Thursday.

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brassmonkey

Monica's surgery went well.  She is back at home lying on the couch getting ready to take a nap. Now I can start to let my stomach unwind.

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nz11

Excellent news.

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aberdeen

Glad to hear that Brass! I hope everything with her recovery is smooth and quick. Nothing like life to get trying when we're dealing with frayed emotions already, ugh. Hang in there!

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AmyK

That was good to hear! I Take care, both of you. Hugs!

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Songbird

That's good news.

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brassmonkey

Thank you all for the well wishes, I have passed them along and she said to be sure and thank them.

 

It's been such an up and down week, I'm glad I extended hold.  I may go another week just to let life settle out a bit more before I try another taper.  Life is planning to throw a lot at me over the next several months so I will really have to pay attention to things and really practice rolling with it.

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MrAnxious

Well? Don't leave us hanging------

 

I'm into the second week at the new dose.  Been having a lot do dizziness and brain fog.  It comes and goes, but when it's here I'm really noticing it.  Also there have been a lot more twitches lately.  Primarily my left eye, as usual, which is a real nuisance. 

 

I also seem to be getting a bunch of breakouts and mouth sores, but I think they have more to do with the stress of events from the past weekend.  That makes number 15 for me since I started tapering/got sober about four and a half years ago and I'm finding it pretty tough to work through.  But it hasn't even been a week yet, so like everything else it needs more time.  It really does point up just how serious, scary, painful and dangerous this WD business is, and having it thrust upon us through no fault of our own takes some doing to reconcile.  It was made very clear to me a couple of months after I joined Prior Place when one of the more popular members, who had been one of the early ones to greet me, decided she had had enough.  It was a hard lesson I will never forget and each subsequent one has been no easier. As you can see I'm not able to come right out and talk about it directly but still have to shroud the topic in generalities.  Well, back to thinking about other things.

crazy how you write about the eye twitch. I have been having this lately and wondered why. Is it from withdrawal???

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