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brassmonkey

☼ Brassmonkey: Talking about myself

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LexAnger

Very happy you are living life full with graet energy for the projects, much better than dealing with WD!

It's refreshing to read fun stories on the forum rather than symptoms :)

 

Hugs,

Lex

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SkyBlue

Hey everyone, trick-or-treating at BrassMonkey's house! 
 

(BrassMonkey, did you see a few posts up where I saw a store named in your honor?) :) 

 

Austinite, respectfully, I do not think you were irresponsible to start supplements. You wanted to get better!!! 

Personally, I think my nervous system thanked me when I stopped most of my supplements during bad WD. 

This included Sam-e, vitamin B (which can be stimulating), and some other stuff.

I don't know if I saw a specific change since things were SO up and down at that point, but I did feel that less was better.

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scallywag

Yay! the cabinet demolition work is done.  I love the idea of reusing the cabinets. My parents did this 10 years ago in a new-to-them house. Their garage now sports quite a length (12'?) of upper cabinets along the back wall. It's handy for storing paper and canned goods and for gardening supplies you don't want to reach down for. No refinishing on them though, just the 1970s paint job. :o

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brassmonkey

Yes I did Skyblue, thanks for the link.  I went to the site but it's still under construction, so I'll have to go back later. I love antique and collectible stores.

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Mammoth

Hey everyone, trick-or-treating at BrassMonkey's house! 

 

(BrassMonkey, did you see a few posts up where I saw a store named in your honor?) :)

 

Austinite, respectfully, I do not think you were irresponsible to start supplements. You wanted to get better!!! 

Personally, I think my nervous system thanked me when I stopped most of my supplements during bad WD. 

This included Sam-e, vitamin B (which can be stimulating), and some other stuff.

I don't know if I saw a specific change since things were SO up and down at that point, but I did feel that less was better.

 

Thanks, SkyBlue! I appreciate that you shared your experience. 

 

Tom, I saw your reply on my thread. Thank you very much!

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SkyBlue

You bet, Austinite! :) 

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brassmonkey

Can't believe it's Friday all ready. Much too busy all week. The demolition isn't all done yet, we've left up the cook top and sink areas and still have the old floor to pull out.  Got the refinished cabinets all installed and mostly filled up again.  That has made a real dent in the mess the house has become. Today we're back on setting up the haunt. Which will make it so I miss the free score multipliers that my game gives on Friday evenings.  The game is being a pain right now.  The random number generators in the computer program have been "off" for a couple of weeks now making it impossible to get decent scores.  Still it's all in fun, but it's nice to get big scores once in a while. That's where tonights free multipliers come in.

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SkyBlue

Just wanted to keep a copy of this here:

 

I see WDnormal as the overall baseline of where you are in general. The place you are when you're not feeling good, but you're not feeling bad. Sorta a rolling average of the past couple of months between the windows and waves.  Watching the level of WDnormal is a good indicator that things are improving.  Over time you should be seeing a raising of the standard for WDnormal.  So how you're feeling now is better than say six months ago. It changes very slowly but is a really good indicator.

 

 Many people have the idea that stability is feeling good again, when in fact it's feeling the same level of blah day after day with no big swings to the better or bad. When a person does a drop in dose there will be a corresponding increase in WD symptoms over the next few days.  These symptoms will resolve themselves over the following several weeks and return the person to a slightly raised baseline of discomfort. The time frame and severity are dependent on a huge number of factors and end up being unique to each individual.  But the pattern remains.  This is why paying attention to your WDnormal is very important.  It is also referred to as listening to your body.  After a drop in dose and the symptoms have resolved to WDnormal the person then should wait a couple of more weeks to let things really settle out (there are a lot of little unfelt changer still going on) before considering doing their next drop.

 

During that waiting time people may think that they're not doing anything and want to get on with it.  When in fact doing nothing is very proactive.  It's those little unfelt things that need to be finished up before the next step can be taken.  It's letting the glue harden, the paint dry, the cement cure.  The things that need to be complete before the path is safe to walk on again.  If these details are ignored then they start to pile up and compound each other, then somewhere down the line the foundation slips out from under us and the whole thing collapses.

I love this! I am going to copy-and-paste to my thread as a reminder--hope that's okay. :)

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brassmonkey

Your very welcome to copy and paste it Skyblue.  It can be a tricky concept to wrap ones mind around and the more it gets reposted the more people can see it.

 

Had a very full and rather fun day today even though I started out tired and ended tired.  Up early for an hour and a half drive to get to a meeting of the California Haunters Association. A bunch of like minded people to also do haunted houses. Spent a lovely afternoon making scary things and talking with friends. Then drove most of the way home before stopping for dinner with another group and barely making it to the theater in time for an excellent production of "The Fantasticks". One of my all time fave musicals. I haven't seen it since I did a production of if 40+ years ago. Now it's just gone midnight so I think I will sit quietly for a little while and then get to bed.

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SkyBlue

Awesome. Thanks, Brass! :)

 

Glad you are out there engaged in life and living. Always fun to do creative things like haunted houses and the theater. :)

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brassmonkey

Had a very full week so far, and it ain't over yet. Got the last stuff ordered for the kitchen and have spent a lot of time getting ready.  Still have some demo to complete but that will all be done by the end of next week.  Spent most of the week clearing and organizing the back patio because all the new cabinets show up next monday and we need a place to store them for a few weeks while the rest of the prep work is completed.  New window and door, electrical work and the like.

 

Took the evening off Tuesday and went to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. Classical French Masters.  Had an enjoyable picnic dinner and then listened to a wonderful concert. It's outdoors and actually got a bit cold, which was nice for a change. Fall is a coming. This pretty well wraps up their season for this year, but I think we will be going again next season.  Once you get use to the dynamics of the crowd it can  be a lot of fun.  It's not the place to go for a great classical concert, it's more of an event type of thing. Warm summer night, picnic, good music.

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LexAnger

Sounds another productive week and fun evening!

very nice to hear!

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Shep

Warm summer night, picnic, good music.

 

All this sounds awesome, Tom! Glad your taper is going so well. It's good to know what's possible. 

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brassmonkey

I try to lead by example. As he turns and walks into the edge of the door. LOL

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mustangwoman

Tom, looks like you're doing great!!  Do you think these tiny doses do anything, or do you think they just prevent withdrawal?

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brassmonkey

Thanks Mustangwoman-- No I don't think they do much of anything except maybe prevent some WD symptoms. I do notice a bit of an uptick in symptoms a few days after a drop, but it's all very minor. Speaking of which I dropped to .32mgai this morning so we will see what happens over the next week.  I'm meant to be on this dose for four weeks and then jump. But I'm having second thoughts and may try another cut or two first.  I have a lot going on the next several months and don't want to take any chances.  Hope you're doing well, keep us updated. 

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mustangwoman

I hope your drop goes well!

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mustangwoman

I don't blame you for wanting to extend it by a few cuts.  I am thinking along the same lines myself.

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Chuck83

I'm glad ur slow taper doing great!

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AliG

I hope it goes well whatever you decide. You are such a positive model for a slow taper. Good luck with that !   :) 

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SkyBlue

I dropped to .32mgai this morning so we will see what happens over the next week.  

 

Woo hoo! 

That's an amazing achievement! 

 

And you do have a lot going on, what with London, and the safari! !  We'll all be standing with celebration signs and cups of kool-aid for you at the finish line! 

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chia1214

Hi brass! Thanks for the (((((((((((( Hugs )))))))))))) on my thread. Right back at you! 

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grandmaD

I try to lead by example. As he turns and walks into the edge of the door. LOL

Good one Tom!  You made me smile, and that's a good thing!  You know there are so many little things we forget, and that is one of them, as I have not ran into the door frame for some time now!  I can laugh now when I remember how I used to do that so often.  You are going to well, and I am so proud of you.  I recall you also tried to cut out or stop alcohol at the same time, so you have so very well.  It is hard to believe I have known you now for 5 years!  So long we we have been battling this, but we will get there and you are almost there which is so great!

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LexAnger

I'm so glad you are still tapering and considering further cut before jumping!

Can't wait for your full success in the near future as our next great survivor!

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brassmonkey

Every day slapstick comedy is the best. Except when it's happening to you. Then  it can really hurt.  My favorite was one time at work going to sit on a chair and missed.  Entertained the office for days with that one. One of my mottoes is "If I can't laugh at my self, who can I laugh at?"  Really, who can I laugh at, any volenteers? I hate laughing at myself. LOL No, seriously WD is such a stressful time in our lives and we end up doing such silly, out of character things because of our lack of control, if we don't try to find the humor in them we add a huge amount of stress to the situation and make it worse.

 

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brassmonkey

I posted this on another thread and wanted to keep a record of it here:

 

I've had several bad cases of the the flu while in WD and each time the WD symptoms faded into the background. It made me realize the importance of distraction and that the symptoms were, for some part, "all in my head".  I think part of it is the illness gives you an excuse for feeling so rotten.  Thinking back, that was clearly a component of my drinking.  Not to mask the symptoms but to justify them.  Making that connection was one of the keys to my stopping drinking and starting to face down the WD.  In fact it was after a bad case of the flu that I stopped drinking entirely.  I hadn't drunk anything for several weeks and decided to just keep going.

 

I have noticed over the years that being seriously ill (Yes, colds and flu are serious illnesses check out the mortality rates) always leaves a person just a little changed in their mental outlook.  Not that the illness is an NDE (Near Death Experience) but more of a COM (Clarity of Ones Mortality) on a subconscious level. NDEs on the other hand are more like a "slap up side of the head with a wet squirrel" and can shake you to the core.  WD falls somewhere in between sort of a "long game NDE".

 

Well I didn't see that coming.

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grandmaD

Tom, did you mean to include that bit above "secure connection failed"???  I was thinking about some of the silly things we have done (or still do) and it is good if we can laugh at ourselves.  This is my only form of amusement these days, so I have to laugh about it! 

 

Did you have problems with short term memory loss?  We just got back from our trip and I went to put the thermos away and couldn't remember where it went!  While this was a source of amusement for myself, it is also a concern, as it seems to be getting worse instead of better.  Not only that, where we keep the thermos is a "long term" thing, not something I changed recently.  When I saw the above "failed connection" it made me realise that is what is happening in my brain!

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brassmonkey

Hi GrandamaD-- I see nothing about a "failed secure connection".  I did embed a video of "Make em Laugh" from the musical "Singing in the Rain". Followed by a heavy post talking about Near Death Experiences.

 

There was a time during poopout and the first several years of my taper when my short term memory was pretty much nonexistent. It has improved vastly over the course of my taper but still causes me some trouble. It's one of those things that I'm never sure how I was before the drugs to make comparisons and then there is the creeping up of "Oldtimers Disease" to muddy the waters.  I have always had long pauses when I speak. I was never one for filling the void with verbalization,  urrrr, umm, like, ya know while I was trying to come up with the right wording. Monica and my friends are use to it, but it can really throw others.

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nick1990

Hey Brass!  Glad to see your doing so well :)

 

Quick question - just wondering from your experience, did you experience brain-fog/de-realisation type symptoms whilst in poop-out??

 

Im certain that i have been having tolerance issues for the last few years. One of the main symptoms seems to be the de-realisation/foggy head/out of it/ nothing feels real kind of feeling. It comes and goes but its so dam frustrating. I guess I'm asking, as if its not tolerance or drug related i need to look into what else it may be.

 

Thanks mate!

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brassmonkey

Hi Nick-- Thanks for dropping in.  Your trip should be getting pretty close now, hope the preparations are going well.

 

While in poopout I had just about every symptom there is. The primary ones were brain fog/cognitive difficulties and anhedonia, but DR was right up there.  They generally ran at a constant level, no windows or waves just minor fluctuations throughout the day.  That's one of the telltale signs of poopout, it's rather steady state, with the exception that it gets steadily worse over time.  The only way to relieve poopout is to throw more drugs at it, and that doesn't work all that well.

 

It's possible that you're experiencing it.  There's also the problem taper you did last year that may still have some lingering effects and the symptoms you describe are consistent with just being on the drug. Poopout or just regular symptoms you can be pretty sure it's caused by the drugs. I think once you get established on your taper things will start to improve.

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SkyBlue

Hi Brass, I just finished reading through your entire thread! :o (Not in one sitting, or even in one day, but in bits and pieces here and there.) 

 

What a journey you have been on … And what a gift it is that you are sharing it, and your perspective and wisdom, with everyone. 

 

I had many "me, too!"s while reading-- one of them being more easily able to let go of things/clutter! The lower I get on Paxil, the easier this is! ! I noticed the pleasant change but hadn't even made the connection until I read that you had a similar experience. 

 

I'm also grateful to you for, among other things, talking about "poop-out." I now believe I was in poop-out for an extremely solid five years at least before saying "Enough!" and deciding to taper. This makes me feel hopeful, because I had--understandably-- thought that worsening symptoms were just my "original condition" (cringe). Now I believe that how bad I was feeling was likely due to poop-out and extreme tolerance, not "just how I am."

 

I laughed out loud when you said that your doctor thinks you're still on not only 40 mg of Paxil, but also some "Seroquel for good measure!" Gotta LOVE it! ! ! ! ! ! 

 

Hugs! ! ! ! ! 

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brassmonkey

It all began five years ago today, it may have been on the 23rd. I'm taking it as a good sign that I can't remember.  I won't write a long post about my journey, I'm saving that for when I take the plunge and jump off in a few weeks.  The end is here I just have to decide when to do it. My original target was 1mg and I'm currently at 0.32mg so I have reduced my dose by 99.2%. One or two little adjustments and then I will do that final 100% cut. This all sounds like I'm going to top my self, but I'm talking about dose reductions folks. LOL

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SkyBlue

:) :) :) Awesome! 

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ravijaua

You have come a long way 99.2%.

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nick1990

Your a legend Brass. Good stuff mate!

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AmyK

I am so excited for you, Brass!

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