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Jason: Introduction

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Jason

Hi everyone,

 

My name is Jason. I'm 30 years old and off of all antidepressants. I'm also a member on another antidepressant support forum. I've corresponded with Alto in the past and really admire her and her work with regards to antidepressants, adverse reactions, and withdrawal. That's the reason I'm joining this site.

 

I've been severely injured by antidepressants.

 

I also had a severe vitamin B12 deficiency discovered February 2012. I don't know how long I was deficient, but I believe it was at least 5 years. I could have died. My body and mind were starting to shut down from lack of this nutrient.

 

Here's my complete medication history:

 

2002 - I started an antidepressant for mild depression. It was Zoloft. I don't remember how much I was on. It was a standard dose, whatever that is. I didn't take it regularly and eventually just forgot to keep taking it, and suffered no withdrawal, at least that I can remember.

2003 - I was off meds for the majority of this year, but I didn't feel well. I went to doctors who found I had a CMV (cytomegalovirus) infection. I kept getting panic attacks, so I decided I should probably go back on SSRIs.

2004 - My panic attacks were so bad that it completely disrupted my life. I dropped out of college and saw a psychiatrist. I had been taking some Ativan from the doctor who found my CMV who knew of my panic attacks, but not very much. This psychiatrist switched the Ativan to Klonopin, .5 mg / day "as needed" (which to me I read as I could take everyday!) and citalopram (Celexa) 20 mg. I stayed on BOTH of these drugs for four years! I also began taking Prilosec OTC everyday during this period of time, for acid reflux and emetophobia (fear of vomitting). I was so terrified of panic attacks and acid attacks that I took these things everyday to ensure they wouldn't come back. This is important in my story. I became addicted to benzodiazepines, the Celexa made me manic and high (took away inhibitions), and the Prilosec OTC, I didn't learn until 2012, caused my stomach to stop producing the Intrinsic Factor needed to extract vitamin B12 from protein.

2007 - the drugs stopped working. My anxiety was starting to come back again, along with depression. This is the year in which my personality really started to change (and I gather vitamin B12 deficiency may have started). I lost a lot of interests and drive and ambitions. My mother passed away late this year, and I finally graduated college, severely in debt (I didn't know how severe it was again until much later). I saw my GP who switched my Celexa to Effexor XR. He got me up to 150 mg and said that it doesn't work on norepinephrine until higher than 150, so he said to "just double the dose." That put me at 300 mg!

2008 - I finally realized the extent of my benzodiazepine addiction, found online support forums, and began to taper. It took me 8 months to taper just .25 mg of Klonopin! I was finally benzo-free by Dec 31, 2008. But I was also on that high dose of Effexor XR, which I realized one day when I forgot to take it, would make me very sick if I just stopped it. I felt screwed. Also, during this entire year, my personality had really, really changed, I'm gathering is from high dose Effexor and vitamin B12 deficiency. I would get violent depression spells out of nowhere. I was also adjusting to a life of low wages, high student loan, credit card, and car loan debt. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into with regards to these things.

2009 - I began tapering the Effexor. I switched to generic venlafaxine and took it twice a day, and slowly reduced it. By December I was down to 37.5, but I was crashing, so I stayed at that level.

2010 - I stayed on 37.5 mg of Effexor (generic venlafaxine) because of the crash I had in 2009. But, by the end of the year, I decided to taper more, but I needed help because I was getting too much interdose withdrawal. I switched back to brand name Effexor XR and did bead counting methods, and took it twice a day to stop any withdrawal.

2011 - I could no longer take the interdose withdrawal, even being on Effexor XR. I knew this was going to be hard to get off of, but I never thought it would be impossible! I had done lots of reading about Prozac switching, and decided I would do it. With help of my new psychiatrist, I switched to 5mg Prozac from 18.75 mg Effexor XR. At first this seemed to work really well, as I was no longer on Effexor (I thought I'd never be free) and I actually felt a little better on the Prozac. Little did I know it would be this drug that would get me severely sick.

All during 2011, a lot of my bodily issues of withdrawal were getting much worse, mainly cracking neck, joints, upper back and spine pain. I started to get more cognitive difficulties like confusion spells. I lost appetite (I later learned this was from the B12 deficiency, too!). By October 2011, my depression was getting worse, so I decided to increase the 5mg to 10mg and "stay on antidepressants." BIG MISTAKE. I lasted about three days on 10mg of Prozac, and my depression increased dramatically. I felt toxic and my aches and pains increased dramatically. I got suicidal thoughts. I have never before had this. I felt hot, agitated, toxic, and so ill I can't even begin to describe it. What I now realize happened to me is I had a severe adverse reaction to Prozac. It scared me to death. There was one night I can remember that I woke in the middle of the night and didn't want to be alone. I was so terrified. I saw my psychiatrist the next day in shear terror, not knowing what to do, can't just stop the meds due to withdrawal, but can't keep taking it as it's making me ill. We decided to slowly taper me back down to 5 mg, and he urged me to take some benzo, even though he knew how against doing so I was because of my prior addiction issues. I agreed and took small bits of Tranxene off and on during this whole time, because I was so terrified of what was going on with me. November and December of 2011 were particularly hard for me, feeling flashes of suicidal feelings, feeling toxic, feeling like I had this disease or that disease. My mind and body were rotting away (still knew nothing of B12 at this time, which was helping to make this worse).

2012 - This year I started to see different specialists for my upper back pain, crackings, etc. I thought I had Lyme disease or something. I was also rapidly tapering the Prozac using liquid, and was down around 2 mg by February. I saw a Lyme and infectious disease doctor in Feb, who found no infections, but found my B12 was 214! (Normal range is 240 or so to 894 (BTW these are antiquated readings and a better measure would be mid 500s - 2000 + as "normal"). I got a B12 shot and many of my joint crackings and pain, and all my brain fog lifted in one night. By the next day, though, a lot of it returned. I learned and read up on B12 deficiency and realized how serious it is, and also realized I would need to get a better doctor as he only wanted to give me a shot a month! I also finally stopped the Prozac at 2.0 mg on February 20th. I just couldn't take it anymore, and took the plunge.

 

All during 2012 I have been suffering a host of strange and mysterious symptoms, both physically and mentally, both related to vitamin B12 deficiency and that road to recovery, and antidepressant withdrawal and that road to recovery. I have had horrible, terrifying symptoms, terrible brain fog, not knowing myself anymore (I learned just how drugged up I was on these things from 2005 - 2007 holy cow). Effexor really changed my brain function and Prozac nearly killed me with its toxicity. My body and mind had been lacking vitamin B12 for probably years. I continue to live with awful body pains, joint crackings (joints that I didn't even know we had, my feet crack and pop, for example, on the inside, all over the place, I have joint crackings in my neck, spine, my ribcage cracks and pops, this is insane). I have little/no appetite most days, and don't get true "full" feelings. I have anhedonia, feel like I was going schizophrenic, have apathy, depression, anxiety, panic, terror, dread, suicidal feelings. I get dizzy spells, nauseous, I have muscle wasting, and am skin and bones in many areas, such as my hands, wrists, top of my legs and feet. I had severe nerve irritation sparking feeligns, like neuropathies in these areas. My left ulnar nerve is messed up as my left hand ring finger and pinky are irritated, feel weak, pop and crack a lot. I have issues with dexterity in both hands from time to time. I have fatigue and weakness, have trouble breathing from time to time. I have a hard time learning anything new and concentrating. I feel like my life and everything I once was and used to be has been so severely changed by these drugs. I have over 55,000 in student loans I need to pay off, and only a simple bachelor's (this is part my not understanding money and the value of what I had been doing and studying, and also from the drugs, as they made me feel so important and on top of the world that everything would be great when I graduated). I'm still paying off a car that I bought in 2007 and likely will be making payments for a few more years ( I was very very very very heavily in credit card debt that I had to pay off, too). It's hard to work on this debt and get a higher paying job and be more ambitious when I have all these health concerns. I would love to get a better, more professional degree or maybe better work, but another thing I suffer from and always have is a sense of who I really am and am supposed to be.

 

I've thought I had a host of different illnesses, and still do. I've thought I have

AIDS

HIV

cancer (I still think I probably have cancer)

ALS

MS

diabetes

Lyme disease

malnourishment

Beri Beri

Scurvy

Pellagra

Vitamin D toxicity (I was also found defiecient in this vitamin which I am also supplementing)

numerous times I have gone back to Vitamin B12 shots cuz I could "feel the deficiency coming back" I've had it checked numerous times and it's always >2000 due my supplementing with 5000 mcg sublinguals at least once aday, if not twice

Crohn's Disease

H Pylori Infection

Connective Tissue disorders (I still wonder about these...)

Bipolar Disorder

Schizophrenia

Alzheimer's

The list goes on and on and I'm sure I'm forgetting some/many other things I've thought maybe I have

 

I have had an upper endoscopy (because I thought I wasn't absorbing nutrients with this rapid weight loss and loss of fat and muscles, and I wanted to know why I wasn't absorbing B12), I have seen two neurologists (who both told me to keep taking B12 and that these thigns will get better, etc etc) I can't tell how many viles of blood have been drawn, I have had a urine analysis (when my pee started smelling very sweet, I though my muscles were deteriorating, etc).

 

This has been a nightmare. Literally a nightmare. I am living in a science fiction body in my opinion, riddled with bizarre and strange neuropsychiatric manifestations.

 

Now my goals are just to survive on a day-to-day basis, keep taking vitamin B12 (and D, and other nutrients/supplements), eat as well as I can, try to find a way to increase income to save/pay down things faster, etc. I tried a jot delivering pizzas this week and I found I really just can't do that. It's too stressful! And it's just not something I can do. so now I'm back at square one looking for another second job and also a better first job, all while trying to figure out just "who I am" (I really don't know anymore, as I feel I have been so many damn different people while on all these stupid drugs). I want everyone to know that before these drugs, I was a pretty sensible and level person. I had panic attacks and mild depression and that's about it. Emetophobia too, but that's it! I never had any of these strange physical ailments, nor had I had so many psychological problems with moods, never had suicidal thoughts for goodness sakes. I was a healthy, somewhat athletic person who did distance running. I played piano and sang. I was interested in so many things, I was a postive, do-good person.

 

This is a long introduction, but everything is basically here, including my B12 deficiency issues, my somatic problems, my psychiatric problems, my med histories, including benzos and proton pump inhibitors, my debt and financial issues, my sense-of-self issues, etc.

 

I am working with a therapist. she's a whole post on her own, so I'll leave that for another time. lol

 

I just want peace back. I want my health back. I want my life back, or at least a better life.

 

For those I will know on here, I'm happy to see you. for those I have yet to meet, I will be interested in sharing stories.

Jason


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Altostrata

Welcome, Jason, to our community.

 

You may know that my belief is subclinical vitamin B12 deficiency is quite common, widespread use of acid blockers such as Previcid contributes to this and may be the reason people often ask for antidepressants, and B12 deficiency contributes to vulnerability to withdrawal syndrome.

 

I believe that Zantac-related B12 deficiency played a role in my going on Paxil and subsequent severe and prolonged withdrawal syndrome.

 

Coincidentally, I posted about this a few days ago in comments here: www.madinamerica.com/2012/12/the-head-bones-connected-to-the-body-bone/ (You might post your story there, too!!)

 

I hope you're not still taking Previcid!

 

B12 is stored in the liver; once you top up the liver the rest is excreted. Still, in the midst of severe withdrawal syndrome, I gave myself weekly B12 shots for months and immediately felt a warm, pleasant tingling from them.

 

It sounds like you are on your way to recovery, which you know can take a long time. We have some tips in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum. I hope you can find things that help, and of course we will be here for you for support.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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jr1985

Hi Jason, I know you from the other forum, so I know a little about what you've been though. I'm glad you found this place, everyone here is very supportive!


2003-2011: Paroxetine,Citalopram,Effexor; Aug/Sept 2011: Effexor to Mirtazapine; Oct 2011: C/T Mirtazapine back to Effexor; Nov/Dec 2011: Fast Tapered Effexor - w/d hell; Feb 2012: Reinstated Effexor 37.5mg; June 2012: Dropped to 35.6mg; Jan 2016: Propranolol 2.5mg per day for general anxiety; Feb 2016: Finasteride 0.25mg per week to slow hair loss; 18th May - 8th June 2019: Started Vyvanse 7.5mg and increased by 7.5mg weekly to 30mg (lowest “therapeutic” dose for adults).; 21st June 2019 - 12th July: Cross tapered from venlafaxine brand Rodomel to Efexor (1/4 > 1/2 > 3/4 weekly before ditching Rodomel); 13th July 2019: Cut Vyvanse dose to 15mg; 15th July 2019: Akathisia returned after years of being free; 16th July 2019: Went back up to Vyvanse 30mg

Supplements: Omega-3, Vitamin D, Zinc, Phosphatidylserine 

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Jemima

Welcome, Jason. When you have some time and tolerance, please post your drug history in your signature like so:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

I'm having trouble figuring out what your current status is with regard to antidepressants.

 

In any event, you'll find lots of useful information and gentle, friendly support here. This forum has been a godsend for many of us, myself included.


Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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strawberry17

Welcome Jason!


*** Please note this is not medical advice,discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner***





http://prozacwithdrawal.blogspot.com/
Original drug was sertraline/Zoloft, switched to Prozac in 2007.
Tapering from 5mls liquid prozac since Feb 2008, got down to 0.85ml 23/09/2012, reinstated back to 1ml(4mg) 07/11/2012, didn't appear to work, upped to 1.05ml 17/11/2012, back down to 1ml 12/12/2012 didn't work, up to 1.30ml 16/3/2013 didn't work, bumped up to 2ml (8mg) 4/4/2013 didn't work, in July 2013 I reinstated Sertraline (Zoloft) 50mg, feeling better now. 

A few months down the line I switched to 5ml liquid Prozac and tapered down to a compromise dose of 3ml liquid Prozac and have stayed there ever since, no withdrawals and no emotional blunting/loss of libido.

 

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Skyler

For those I will know on here, I'm happy to see you. for those I have yet to meet, I will be interested in sharing stories.

Jason

Hey there Jason. Welcome aboard. I look forward to following your journey as you continue to recover.

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Jason

I have to ask about some of my physical symptoms, to see if some people here think this could possibly be from withdrawal. I'm about 11 months off these drugs, after having had severe adverse reactions. Some of these things are strange and unless attibuted to these drugs or b12 deficiency, are just unexplainable:

 

severe loss of energy, lethargy

body issues, hardly any fat left on body but mainly in arms and hands, and feet

structural abnormalities in feet and on upper parts of legs where they connect to the feet. there is a lot of joint cracking in there, sparking neuropathy like pains, odd aches and pains. my feet have lost a lot of fat/mass and are actually small in almost all my shoes now (strange, I know)

allover uneasy feeling, like malaise

bad appetite still, comes and goes

trouble thinking clearly

 

I just feel so run down and ill. I take B12 sublinguals each adn everyday. I just don't know. I feel like I'm living in a science fiction condition.

 

Thanks. Also, is there a way I can get notification in my email when I receieve responses? I also tried to do my signature yesterday but couldn't get it short enough with all the details I wanted to cover.

 

I just feel so strange, sick, and alone. I have no idea what's going on with me and feel like I can't get to know. B12 deficiency treated, SSRI adverse reaction and now withdrawal, even after 11 months. I just don't know.


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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bruno2016

hey man we are in a similar situation. i am still considering more alternative treatments as a way of relief. But I have some physical issues going on as well and recently some bad depression. I often feel i will never get well. Hang in there. in the end we will be ok and at peace.


Various SSRIs/SNRIs 7- 1/2 years

Went Cold Turkey from Celexa 2011, Stayed Off

Psych Drug Free and Loving Life (over 6 years and counting)

 

How I Stay Well: Diet, exercise, meditation, supplements, etc

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Jemima

Jason, I moved your topic here to the Intro section because it's a continuation of your story. Please continue to post your progress and problems here by clicking on the "Add Reply" button at the bottom of the page.

 

It's difficult to tell which of your symptoms may be due to withdrawal without a history of your psychiatric drug use. If you can't squeeze it all into the signature area, just go ahead and post it.

 

I would first of all recommend a thorough physical examination. Some of your symptoms are typical of withdrawal, but the structural changes in your body are not. Have you lost a lot of weight recently? That can be due to depression or withdrawal from antidepressants or even entirely unrelated medical conditions.


Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Barbarannamated

Hi Jason.

 

The change in extremities is a new one to me, but these drugs effect the body is many unknown ways that any oddities seem possible. I had a significant change in face shape not due to weight.

 

The downturn in energy and mood is similar to what others experience after a period of high energy, anxiety, or "hyper" state.

 

Stay tuned for more informed advice.


Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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solida

Hi Jason,

 

I also had a severe reaction to the drugs and I m familiar with all of your symptoms.

 

Strange that you mention that you feel your shoes don t fit you anymore!! The same here!! And I can t find any pair of shoes anymore that fits me!

I m wearing boots for kids.

 

Hang in there, lg solida


Sept.2007 Citalopram for burn out,reverse reaction

Paroxetin 20mg,5 weeks,had to stop because of reverse reaction

after a manic episode,severe withdrawal hit after 6 weeks,

hospitalization twice,during the first 2 years withdrawal got worse and worse

disabled since

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Altostrata

Welcome, Jason.

 

You can get notifications for responses to this topic by clicking on the big blue Watch Topic button at the top right of the topic. Make sure your Settings point notifications to e-mail.

 

Why do you think you have a B12 deficiency or structural abnormalities?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Jason

Hi all,

 

Thanks for the replies so far.

 

I have clicked on the watch topic button for this and checked my settings and it appears notifications will be sent to email. Hopefully this will work. Please forgive me as my head is very messed up, so even simple instructions now can confuse me.

 

Sorry to also confuse everyone! I do have an introduction thread started. I'm going to link it here.

 

I will reply more to the specific questions about my feet, joints, vitamin B12, too. But you will find some of the answers in my introduction thread too.

 

I made it into work today, albeit very late. It's a struggle. It's not as bad as it was last summer. Taht was the nightmare of withdrawal but I'm still in it.

 

Will write more soon.

 

Jason


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Altostrata

I merged Jason's topics into this one topic.

 

Jason, did you end up getting a series of B12 shots?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Jason

I merged Jason's topics into this one topic.

 

Jason, did you end up getting a series of B12 shots?

 

 

Thank you. Should I make new topics here from now on? (getting used to the way this site works.)

 

I had so many B12 shots. I had to print actual material on effective B12 treatment and show it to my doctor as he was so clueless about how frequent I could get them in the beginning. I thought I was going to die. I gave them to myself, methylcobalamin, every other day for a couple weeks back in I think April. Then tried staying on sublinguals. One neurologist I saw said I'll never effectively treat this with just sublinguals and that I'll need one shot a week for an additional 10 shots (I told him I had given myself 10 at the time), then once a month is the standard. But I've done so much reading on treating this thing you should be able to use sublinguals 5000 mcg everyday after the shots. Shots are good to begin with and then maintenance with these sublinguals should work. There's a whacko out there tho who has people take 40mgs of B12 sublinguals a day, that's like 8 sublinguals a day (crazy). He himself injects himself with something like 7.5 mg of methylcobalamin a day, maybe more I don't know.

 

Thank you for reading this. I found I stayed away from the other support site for ads for a while, but I am feeling ill and all alone again and need some support.


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Jason

To answer some questions -

 

The structural abnormalities - a lot of this may be in my head, but I do have a lot of aches, pains, joint crackings in various parts of my body. My feet look fine, "normal" even if I were to show you you'd all be like "well that looks normal" but they don't feel normal and certainly have changed. There's no fat left on the top, it's just skin and bone and the veins stick out a lot. Same thing with my hand struture. There are lots of nerve pains in these parts from time to time. I know it's from the drugs. none of this nonsense started till I stopped the drugs. I was reading last night about people who get "floxed" from taking Cipro (antibiotic). It's a fluroquinolone toxicity that results in tendon damage, connective tissue damage, etc. I'm not saying I have that. I only read it because i think drugs can do strange things to people. Very strange and very severe in some cases. Prozac was very neurotoxic to me. My body was trying to heal from Effexor and I took Prozac and updosed it from 5 to 10, sending my body into the state it's in today. Prozac also contains fluoride. So do fluoroquinolones. I dont' see how the fluoride in Prozac couldn't have at least the potential to cause some body harm in a similar, but thankfully less dramatic fashion as does the fluoride in fluoroquinolones.

 

I need to get a signature up here so you all can see my med history. I'll work on that later.


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Jason

OK Signature added! :) I'm proud of me, lol


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Jemima

Thank you! That helps a lot.


Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Jason

Thank you! That helps a lot.

 

I'm re-reading my signature now. I think the 300 mg of Effexor is what did this to me. Honestly. 300 mg? My GP did that to me. There's no reason a 5'10" 150 lb male needs 300 mg of Effexor XR. While I was on it, by the way, I became such a different person. Antisocial, depressed, withdrawn, and my ego exploded. I was so high on that stuff.

 

I was talking to this stranger I had met and told him about my struggles. We had things in common. He had B12 deficiency and had also been on Effexor. When I told him the amount I was on, he said "well no wonder" with regards to how I currently feel and what I've gone thru. I should fire my GP, but finding a new one is such a pain in the butt.


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Altostrata

I gave myself methylcobalamin shots, too. I was also B12-deficient because of Zantac.

 

There are lots of things that might have caused the physical changes you've observed in your body -- the passage of time, inactivity, changes in diet or metabolism, etc.

 

I wouldn't put any stock in worrying about the fluoride content of Prozac. Most likely, it was too stimulating for your sensitized nervous system.

 

If I were you, I'd give myself monthly shots. (I am thinking of going back to this myself.) It's true the literature says sublingual is just as effective, but if keeping your B12 level is important to your health, why not use what you know has been effective for you?

 

Did the neurologist say anything about your withdrawal syndrome?

 

(This topic is like your journal, for you to update if you wish. Add posts about your particular situation to it. If you want to ask more general questions or post information that would be of interest to everyone, start a new topic in the appropriate forum.)


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Jason

I gave myself methylcobalamin shots, too. I was also B12-deficient because of Zantac.

 

There are lots of things that might have caused the physical changes you've observed in your body -- the passage of time, inactivity, changes in diet or metabolism, etc.

 

I wouldn't put any stock in worrying about the fluoride content of Prozac. Most likely, it was too stimulating for your sensitized nervous system.

 

If I were you, I'd give myself monthly shots. (I am thinking of going back to this myself.) It's true the literature says sublingual is just as effective, but if keeping your B12 level is important to your health, why not use what you know has been effective for you?

 

Did the neurologist say anything about your withdrawal syndrome?

 

(This topic is like your journal, for you to update if you wish. Add posts about your particular situation to it. If you want to ask more general questions or post information that would be of interest to everyone, start a new topic in the appropriate forum.)

 

Thanks, Alto.

 

Thing about the shots, I get scared. lol I know. A simple shot that I had given to myself at least 20 if not more times. And the methylcobalamin solution is expensive. I wouldn't want to give myself a monthly shot if the sublinguals are good enough at keeping the levels up, if that makes any sense. Trust me, getting this B12 thing just right has been hard too. Why are you considering going back to shots, if you don't mind my asking? What are you currently doing to treat B12?

 

My Proton Pump Inhibitor was Prilosec. I took it every day for years. Oops. Big oops. :(

 

Funny you should ask about the neurologist. He actually asked me if I get anxious, etc. He wanted me to take amitriptyline! He said he didn't think I could do this without psych drugs (this was back in May, 2012). He measured all my B vitamin levels, at the time my B12 was 1,844 or something like that! And that was after 10 shots weeks earlier, and I was on sublinguals. I then was retested sometime during the summer, right around 5 months off the drug, so, July/August 2012 (I remember the Olympics had just started) and my level, without shots was >2000, and I suspect that my serum level is always going to be this high due to daily sublingual supplementation. in any even, that neuro was an arrogant jerk (he's a professor and works with the Phoenix area's renowned Barrow Neurological Institute, so he didn't have bedside manner for a little anxious kid in his office, is I'm sure what he thought). I saw a second neuro who was much nicer, who said he doesn't think I have a neurological disease, but to keep taking "that vitamin" (b12). He didn't speak to my withdrawal, but also didn't say I needed to be on drugs. He was so nice. He said that these things will slowly improve and asked me how long it took me to get sick? I said, well, over the course of several years. Bingo! He said it's a pendulum swinging back in the right direction. I certainly hope that's what it is, for all these things. One doctor who was very sympathetic with me regarding these nerve ailments and body issues was a chiropractor. He believes that my muscles and connective tissues have been hurt and that they store neuro-memories. He was the nicest I've met with regards to these issues. Due to finances I can no longer afford his services, but I'll never forget just how genuine he was about this. I could tell he really believed me. Now, I know it's a matter of sales, too, to get me to keep coming in for adjustments (which, to be honest, I sometimes found helpful but most of the time found to have no great effect one way or the other).

 

How do you get B12 shots, alto? I'm sure if you use methyl you too have to go to a compounding pharmacy? That stuff doesn't last long. If I were to do a 1mg injection once a month (and take sublinguals in between) I'd have to get 1mg per month made each time I'm thinking. It cost me about $60 for 10ml (10 mg) of the stuff when i was doing the weekly injections. I don't think I'd need that much anymore. It's arguable about the injections too. I just don't know! Again, this is another area where doctors are completely clueless. I found one good doc who knows his stuff regarding B12, but he's in Tucson and due to legal matters can't even practice medicine anymore. But I did call him on the phone back when I was just diagnosed and scared what to do.

 

I just don't know. What a mess, huh? Should have known better about PPIs and SSRIs and all this nonsense. But here I am, on the other side, holding on for dear life somedays.

 

:):):)

 

Jason


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Nikki

Hi Jason and welcome.

 

Does a B-12 deficiency cause other symptoms besides lack of energy? You did get yourself off alot of drugs and I would imagine lots of your symptoms may be related to protracted wd, especially from effexor. It's a rough drug to be free of.

 

 

Thank you for sharing your story. I really have to hand it to you for getting off all of that stuff. That was quite the undertaking and you accomplished it.

 

Cheers


Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Jason

Hi Jason and welcome.

 

Does a B-12 deficiency cause other symptoms besides lack of energy? You did get yourself off alot of drugs and I would imagine lots of your symptoms may be related to protracted wd, especially from effexor. It's a rough drug to be free of.

 

 

Thank you for sharing your story. I really have to hand it to you for getting off all of that stuff. That was quite the undertaking and you accomplished it.

 

Cheers

 

B12 deficiency causes a whole host of strange neuropsychiatric and hematological symptoms, too long to list here. It's really amazing. It's needed for something called methylation cycles, and if this one little molecule is missing, it messes up the whole cycle, so then folate has to come in and work twice as hard, to correct the B12 abberations but it can't do it all. it's so complicated. I had this discussion with a pharmacy student about a month ago. He said, yep, you mess up one little thing and the whole cycle is messed up, making you so sick.

 

Effexor. Don't even get me started on how strong and sedating that thing was for me. At least it didn't give me adverse reactions, though, nor suicidal thoughts. Holy cow Prozac is intense and strong. :(

 

I have been through a lot. It scares me, because i'm so alone, too. :(And it's not like people are understanding. General, regular lemming-like people? They don't get this or what is wrong with me. I'm going through it and I don't even get it. It makes it hard to be a member of society, if that makes sense.


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Altostrata

Ooops, now that I think about it, I probably got hydroxocobalamin. It's available by prescription from a pharmacy. The vial lasts a long time. I had good health insurance at the time and I think I only paid the co-pay for a generic drug.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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lindamorellato

HI Jason, I'm Linda and this is my first evening here. You've been through a lot. Do you have a community college nearby? They can help you look for a better part-time job when you feel up to searching. It's usually almost always free. They can help with resume and cover letter and just being there to boost you up. I look forward to hearing more about your recovery.


Lexapro 20 mg.since Aug 2009

Lamotrigine -100 mg. sept. 2009

Seroquel-50 mg.

down from 100 for 6 months.

Been going off and on lexapro since October 2012

off and on Lamotrigine since October 2012.

Incidentally, massive headaches and monthly vomiting has ceased

since October 2012.

So right now no lexapro since Dec. 28th after only taking 15 tables from Nov.12-to Dec.28,2012.

No lamotrigine since mid October 2012.

50 MG. seroquel at bedtime since June 2012.

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Jason

Hi everyone,

 

I have a new question. I tried sending Alex a private message about mold, but I got a message saying that he cannot receive any new messages. Here is what I posted to him. Hopefully he can read this here and help me (or anyone can, if you have knowledge about mold):

 

Hi there,I see that you found yourself in a toxic mold environment and had to leave. Well, I found myself in an environment in which there was mold, and I moved out. I didn't take my mattress and bedding. I took a lot of other things, though, and now I believe I cross-contaminated my new place. I did feel a little bit better upon leaving the old place, and I thought things would work out and that I'd be getting better. I notice patterns - while at work and out and about I'm either better or almost fully functioning, but when I'm sleeping at home or on the weekends, (especially the weekends), I feel worse. I find evidence of mold growing along the toilet water lines of the new place every few weeks or so. I can "feel" it in the air. The tips of my big toes go numb upon re-entering the environment, and no, this is not a "withdrawal numb;" this feels different. I have a lot of the mold symptoms: ear pressure/popping, dirt-like taste in mouth/back of throat, sore throats, stuffy nose, neurological manifestations (these are the worst), and this vague sense that I am sometimes going to die. I don't understand how this could be happening, as I do not see any mold in the new place, besides that which I find in the toilet bowls every so often. There was absolutely no mold on the things that I moved with me, and I thoroughly cleaned dust and alcohol wiped the hard surfaces, and washed and washed the porous things. I've gotten rid of a lot of things, too. My question for you is - when you left your moldy environment, did you have to get rid of everything and start all over - EVERYTHING? I am thinking of selling everything and starting all over with my old, old roommates whom I lived with before the moldy place. The only downsides are the rent would be more, and I'd be much farther from work, so my gas expense would go way up. I'm already very strapped budget-wise.Please help me.Thank you,Jason


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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alex

Hi Jason; I think you are mistaken.

I haven`t talked about mold in any of my posts..or maybe is "Alexjice"?

Are you taking any AD, or are you completely OFF?

Because ALL symptoms you describe are "classic" W/D


4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Rhiannon

Hi Jason--

 

Your situation is complex and involves a lot of factors, but I did want to mention to you that over the years I have found a few people (including me) who have experienced changes in their connective tissue associated with withdrawal.

 

I've been a massage therapist my whole life so I'm very familiar with connective tissue, so that may be why I'm aware of the changes in my own. It was worst when I first started tapering and was trying to taper too fast; it's a little better now. It started very suddenly when I started tapering back in 2010.

 

The changes are similar to what I have found in clients with fibromyalgia. (Interestingly, fibromyalgia appears to be associated with high levels of glutamate in plasma, and I think alterations in glutamate levels often are part of withdrawal syndrome as well.)

 

The other thing (not, I think, typical of fibromyalgia) is that I seem to get connective tissue injuries more easily than I used to, and they take much longer to heal.  That could also be associated with aging, though.

 

Anyway, certainly I have no answers or anything, but I do think there are a lot of associated physiological effects from these drugs and from withdrawal that we don't understand.


Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Rhiannon

Hi Jason; I think you are mistaken.

I haven`t talked about mold in any of my posts..or maybe is "Alexjice"?

Are you taking any AD, or are you completely OFF?

Because ALL symptoms you describe are "classic" W/D

 

I think he's probably referring to alexijice, who's had a nightmare history with mold problems.


Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Jason

 

Hi Jason; I think you are mistaken.

I haven`t talked about mold in any of my posts..or maybe is "Alexjice"?

Are you taking any AD, or are you completely OFF?

Because ALL symptoms you describe are "classic" W/D

 

I think he's probably referring to alexijice, who's had a nightmare history with mold problems.

 

Yes, I am referring to Alexejice. Sorry about that.

 

I'm sitting in the room that has been offered to me to rent from my old, old roommates, my friends and the ones I lived with from 2010 - 2012. This is remarkable. I can't tell you how much BETTER I feel in this bedroom. Earlier tonight in my actual bedroom in South Phoenix, with all of my stuff, I was having the worst nerve pains and muscle pains. It was so deep and so internal that I can't even begin to describe it. I kept fleeing the room, like a primal instinct. My body is trying to tell me something.

 

I'm going to take this room. It's way up in North Phoenix and my daily commute is going to be 25 miles one way each day, but I don't care. It's with my friends, the room is clean. I will bring very little with me. I will have to start over. I can't begin to explain just how different I feel here. It's night and day difference.

 

Jason


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Jason

I don't post on this website often, mainly because I want to try as much as I can to divert attention away from this, but for the moment I need support.

 

I'm tired of this. I'm a little over one year and five months off all SSRIs and SNRIs. My body feels completely DESTROYED. My back nerves bunch up and cause clickings and crackings throughout my entire body. I've lost so much weight. I have little muscle. My arms look like I'm an anorexic. I am always dizzy. I feel as though I could die any moment.

 

To make matters worse I am dealing with toxic mold. I no longer live in toxic mold but ... here's the story. From July 2012 through April 2013 I lived in a room that was a second bedroom of a friend's condo that they rented from someone else. I was in the thick of withdrawal and needed a place to go that was inexpensive. Was only about $250 to rent the room, which I could afford, plus I was in the thick of antidepressant withdrawal so I just needed a place to go. The place was filthy. The friend's partner was a chronic alcoholic who never cleaned anything. My room smelled funny but I chocked it up to the place just not being as nice as other places I've lived in. Long story short, I found mold growing on a windowsill in like December or January - I can't remember quite when. Since I was in the thick of antidepressant withdrawal and couldn't fathom how I could afford a better place to live or the thought of moving, I just stayed there and cleaned the mold. Big mistake. I kept getting sick with what I thought were a series of very bad colds. Well, they weren't colds. I now know they were mold infections. I am currently STILL infected with mold. Right around Easter I got the worst cough that would not go away. I became dizzy, felt like I was going to pass out, my ears became infected and popped. I checked online and these were all symptoms of this.

 

I moved out, but mistakenly took all my stuff with me. I lived a couple months in a very nice, very clean bedroom I rented from someone else, but I had to abandon all my things. I was still getting sick from the things. They had not necessarily an "odor" to them, but more of an evil feeling. I now understand this is from mycotoxins, which were released from the mold, making me sicker than I could ever fathom being. I had to sell my car. I am living with friends far from my job. I had to trash all my clothes. I had to get rid of my computer. I still feel sick while in the new car (just got it two weeks ago) and while at work (snuck in to work today to thoroughly clean my desk and dispose of practically everything on it. Did some reading about ammonia neutralizing mycotoxins so I cleaned my desk with ammonia all afternoon - here's hoping it helps.) I get these high radiation like sensations to things that may have been exposed - car and at work. The old car was the worst. I couldn't complete my commute home, had to stop and call my friend to get my car and I'd drive his home. Mold toxins that are living inside of me are neurotoxic. It's totally taken advantage of all the sites that have been injured in my nervous system due to B12 deficiency and antidepressant withdrawal. I feel my back "crunch up" and "crinkle up" and the pain can be severe. I feel "radiation." I read that mold and mycotoxins are the deadliest most toxic substances known to man that are naturally occurring, and that they can kill you. I have changed my diet to not eat any starches, sugars, etc (anti-candida diet) and take probiotics and lots of B12 (obviously). It just pisses me off so much that I have to go thru this. Kick me when I'm down, mother nature! I had a dream that I died a couple nights ago. It wasn't unpleasant, though. I was in heaven and it was a lot of fun. Kind of like being a kid in an arcade. All I did was play games. I don't know if that means anything, though.

 

So now I'm afraid to drive, because my brain feels like it's going when I drive and the pain begins there for whatever reason. I also get this sensation at work, and I dn't know why. Work must be cross-contaminated with mycotoxins and I hav eno idea what to do about that. I tell my therapist all this but I'm sure she thinks I'm crazy now, having sold my car and trashed all my stuff and moved. Oh, all my old stuff still sits in that room. I can't go back in there. I also know it's not just in my head, because my friend went in there to help me clean out, and he's perfectly healthy both mentally and physically, and he got really sick in there and told me to get rid of everything. I just can't believe this is happening to me.

 

So now begins my quest to find a doctor who can actually test and treat me for mold and mycotoxins. My primary care is a joke. He put me on 300 mg of Effexor long ago anyway and started this nonsense. Oh, that's the other thing. Sometimes I'll have such a strong window that it even makes the mold and mycotoxin crap feel a lot better. So, I wonder just how sick I am because of withdrawal in the first place. Not saying I wouldn't have gotten sick from living in that moldy hell of an environment without withdrawal, but I really wonder to what degree. Would I have had to sell my car? Get rid of clothes? I don't really know. Would I have lost all this weight muscle, would my nerves in my back "crumple up" and cause every single joint and bone connection in my body to click and crack with even the slightest movement? I feel completely destroyed from head to toe, and that I'll die any minute now.

 

So yeah, time to find a doctor - one who takes insurance, etc. Cuz I have no money. No family, few friends and they can't do crap for me either anyway. Dr. Michael Gray in Benson, AZ is an expert on this and I'd love to see him, but Benson? Really? Way to live out in the middle of nowhere, doc. I'm up in Phoenix and while that's only a couple hours away, I can barely stand a drive across the city without feeling like my back is going to die or I'm being poisoned from mycotoxins, etc. And work? My boss has told me I need to work with my medical professionals, stop diagnosing myself, etc. Whatever. She has no clue what this is or what this feels like or that doctors are the ones who messed up my brain and body in the first place.

 

I've been trying to read alexejice's journal since we share similar histories (somewhat). But it is so long and I'm only on page 4 and reading bores the snot out of me anyway (despite the fact I have an English degree - I'll let you all figure that one out. ;)). But I have similarities to him - he was on high dose Effexor, drugged since 20s, and exposed to toxic molds and lost A TON of weight. I've seen his pictures. Not pretty, and I pretty much look the same right now. A skeleton. It's disgusting. Can't keep weight on it just falls off my nervous system is in such chaos. There is no "relaxing." If my nervous system isn't in chaos then it's my nasal passages and ears that are infested with mold. It's just insane. And I can't take it anymore!


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Jason

I'm really feeling hopeless... I don't know what to do.

 

I haven't gone to work in two days. I'm too scared to go back and be assaulted neurologically by whatever is there at my desk. Mycotoxins in probably what it is.

 

I am skin and bones. My ribcage shows quite noticeably and I look like an anorexic person. And it's not surprising since I hardly want to eat.

 

I am so ashamed of all that is going on with me. How do I tell my boss I feel sick at work? She is going to think I am insane. I called a doctor in Scottsdale who sees people exposed to mold, and he takes insurance, but how do I know if it will be any good. Besides, after all my bills are paid I have only a little over $600 a month to spend on myself on food, gas, and savings, and as far as I now have to live from work I have to fill up my tank every 3 - 4 days with gas at $30 a pop. How will I be able to afford any mold/mycotoxin treatments he'll have for me, that I so desperately NEED in order to be able to eat function and grow again? I feel the mycotoxin pain deep in my tissues. I know I am full of toxins.

 

I just want to die. I can't handle all of this. How do I tell people what is happening to me? It's so bizarre that I wouldn't even believe it if someone told me it was happening to them. I can't stand this. I can't stand how not normal I am. I hate how Ill I am and have become, through things that are no fault of my own.

 

I don't want to play anymore.

 

I'm up through page 20 on the alexejice thread and when I finally get enough nerve I will post a message there. It seems that guy and I have a lot in common with regards to suffering.

 

I don't know how to figure this all out. I really really don't. It's just too hard. So, all I do is lay in bed, look things up online (alexejice's thread, how to "kill" and "deactivate" mycotoxins, etc mainly). I took ammonia to my desk at work on Sunday, haven't been back to work to see if it has helped neutralize whatever it is that fungus did to all my stuff, though. I am too scared. Whatever it is, folks, it's really really bad. It made my friend so sick when he was in my old room for just a few hours. And that room doesn't even have any mold in it - it's all from the toxins. And he's a perfectly healthy person.

 

I just don't know how to handle any of this. I'm terribly sick and unable to handle this and no one cares, not even me anymore. So what do I do? I need to know what to do.


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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alex

Hello Jason;I am sorry you are feeling so bad.

I've read in your previous threads that you've had a long list of ailments you "thought" you had.

Forgive me if I am a little blunt here; have you considered the posibility that you are in some way influenced by hypochondria?


4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Jason

Hello Jason;I am sorry you are feeling so bad.

I've read in your previous threads that you've had a long list of ailments you "thought" you had.

Forgive me if I am a little blunt here; have you considered the posibility that you are in some way influenced by hypochondria?

 

Thanks, Alex.

 

Don't worry about being blunt. And, yes, I have thought so long and hard about this all being in my head. The evidence came from my best friend, who knows me so well, also getting very sick just being near my stuff for only a couple hours. He showed me text messages he had sent while in that room to someone else. He said that he thinks something is really wrong with my stuff, but that he doesn't want to say anything to me to scare me. He later told me to get rid of everything. That we'll figure it out. That we'll get me new clothes, etc. I just can't believe how ill I have been feeling at work lately. VERY ill.

 

So, I did think it was perhaps in my head, and so did my friend while we were at my place. But he felt so ill after he left that it was clear. There is indeed something wrong and it wasn't in my head. Others at work have been feeling ill, too. I don't know what it could be, though. Mycotoxins? Volatile organic compounds? Both? That place I had lived in for nearly 10 months was very, very toxic.

 

Jason


Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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alexjuice

Jason,

I saw your post in my thread and I only have a moment here but I've skimmed through your thread. I am really sorry you're dealing with all of this, I really am. Have you had any testing about the mold issue? I don't know about Michael Gray in Benson but I have heard of him and if I were you I would go see him. However, it is important to realize that in the mold doctor world there is reason to be cautious with the doctor's recommendations. So when i say I don't know Benson I mean I don't know what his approach is... However, see him he'll take you seriously and I think he takes insurance, Medicaid, etc -- which many mold specialists I've found do not take...

 

Also there is a woman with a blog and I know I've heard her mention Dr Gray. I think she lives in Colorado now. I'd post in her blog comments, be succint and ask for any recommendations. She knows your area of the country... Andrea Fabry is her name and I've read her blog which I've found helpful in some places though I do not know Andrea... moldrecovery.blogspot.com

 

It sounds like you have a lot going besides just mold too. Have you lost your appetite and can not eat? What kind of foods are you eating?

 

Take a good breath and remember you're going to get through this.

 

Good luck,

Alex

 

edit: Man, I am very very sad you've had to go through all of this. I've read some of your history and you are right, we do have a lot in common in many regards and that is unfortunate. I do think that you have been through so much that almost nobody is going to understand. It's got to be tough to talk to a therapist or someone else who literally doesn't understand the first thing you are trying to explain. Ive had that feeling where I've realized if Doc doesn't understand A and doesn't believe B how can he help me G, G is what I need solved. Jason, the first thing I'd do if I was in your shoes is test your mycotoxin levels and then get to work on rebuilding your health after that... I do think you're going to be okay so hang in there...


"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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alexjuice

Also, I should be able to receive PMs so send me a PM whenever... I don't know why your message didn't go through... Do try again.


"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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