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Jason: Introduction


Jason

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I know what you are talking about with the feeling very infected.

 

I am infected with parasites in my intestines which is more common than medical authorities understand. I am strongly considering starting Richard Schulze's 30 day detox called his Incurables program -- a paperback with instructions can be purchased on the internet and the book on pdf is available elsewhere.

 

The basics of this program could work for any disease, in theory. However it is probably a very advanced and very risky program which is likely to result in a setback. However I mention it because I'd rather you try this risky program first if you ever reach the point that you'd kill yourself because of your suffering. At that point there'd be very little downside at all obviously.

 

In my thread I will provide some updates on my own progress which I want you to follow.

 

Good luck-

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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I know what you are talking about with the feeling very infected.

 

I am infected with parasites in my intestines which is more common than medical authorities understand. I am strongly considering starting Richard Schulze's 30 day detox called his Incurables program -- a paperback with instructions can be purchased on the internet and the book on pdf is available elsewhere.

 

The basics of this program could work for any disease, in theory. However it is probably a very advanced and very risky program which is likely to result in a setback. However I mention it because I'd rather you try this risky program first if you ever reach the point that you'd kill yourself because of your suffering. At that point there'd be very little downside at all obviously.

 

In my thread I will provide some updates on my own progress which I want you to follow.

 

Good luck-

Thanks so much for the response, Alexejice. It really means a lot. :)

 

I know your suffering, too. We have some strong similarities. I absolutely believe that parasites are a lot more common than what I'm sure medical doctors would say. You don't have to drink unsanitary water directly from the Amazon or the Nile to get them. And in our condition, we appear to be as sensitive and as immunosuppressed as people with HIV or AIDS. No joke and those really aren't my words. I've been in correspondence with an extreme sufferer who went through this battle about 10 years ago and she said this very thing about her own body and what she was going through at the time. She is much, much better now. She, too, was infested with fungus. Doctors gave her antifungals which helped for like a month, then everything came back. All that went away on its own over time, without medications. Why? My theory is it's neurotransmitter related, which is what she told me, too. There is something I don't know much about but maybe I could research it called the "neuroimmune system." Basically how the nervous system and immune system relate to each other.

 

Don't worry or read too much into when I start posting I don't want to live, etc. Honestly. Never ever before the year 2011 (when I had an adverse reaction - a strong one, too, I might add - to Prozac updosing I tried) had I EVER in my life ever had a suicidal thought. These thoughts are the product of cns ... "damage." Or whatever you'd like to call it. They come on strong when I feel despair or no hope. But I gotta tell you and anyone else reading this that I wouldn't even know how to begin or what to do. That and I am way too scared of death/dying,, etc. And besides, I WANT TO LIVE! I just can't stand the suffering. Alexejice you have my word nothing like that will ever happen or come to fruition.

 

I found a product that I would like to try but am too scared, it's a liver detox and total body cleanse. I am sure it is nothing to the degree of anything that you found. And again, I am too scared to even try it.

 

Alexejice I am going to head over to your forum now and post a response. Sometimes I really get soooo locked up in the this-is-all-about-me frame of mind that I forget others are suffering, too, as severely as me if not worse.

 

Jason

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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http://corpus-callosum.blogspot.com/2006/01/immune-system-and-serotonin.html?m=1

 

It's not an actual study. There is one out there, but I am not going to read it feeling like this.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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This is my favorite part, from the Dr. involved in the actual study:

 

“But it is something that should be explored because we really have no idea what SSRIs are doing to people’s immune systems.”

 

My god. What have these drugs done to my body???

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment

Time for another update - I started taking lactoferrin on Friday night. I have been reacting badly to air conditioning. Friday was a near 100 degree day, so the air conditioning at work was kicking in very strong very early in the day, and it sent whatever is "living in me" into a frenzy that made me feel very sick. Very toxic, hard to walk, certainly hard to think. My brain litereally felt like it had gobs of ... I don't know what... cotton? inside of it. I was a complete mess. Something strange happened, though. Something in my nose burst and I had a lot of blood draining from my right nostril, and once that happened, a lot of the symptoms went away. I could think, my gait was better, I had energy. More proof that my body and system is toxic and I am carrying some kinds of unknown infections. So that night I decided to take some lactoferrin. WOW. I felt SOOOOO SICK that night. I couldn't do anything. Went with my friend to a grocery store and couldn't do it. Literally I could not be in the store. The AC in there was making me so ill. I had to sit down, and since I couldn't find a seat outside, I had to sit near the lobby and just wait for him. I slept and slept. The next day I took another, and felt some relief from my infection type symptoms, but felt very very ill again. Like the worst flu type symptoms you can imagine. I know that this is die-off. Lactoferrin is taking the iron freely floating around in my blood that critters need for survival and is putting it where it belongs - in my tissues. The critters die, I feel ill. Lactoferrin is also antimicrobial (including antifungal) and will help protect areas where outdoor invaders can get in - eyes, nose, throat areas. My sinuses hurt like crazy. I feel very ill today, too. It's indescribable. AS if withdrawal itself weren't enough (and I am sure it is because of withdrawal that everything in me is so weakened to begin with. Again I get similar reactions of die off when I'm in a fuller window type scenario).

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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  • 1 month later...

I really need support tonight. I just don't know how much more of these science fiction-like symptoms I can handle anymore. I have these skin eruptions on my forehead like bloody scabs. The nerves throughout my forehead, bridge of my nose, face areas and beneath my eyes all feel "strange" and "gunked up" or something - I can't even describe it. I get confused, depressed, anxious, all for no reason and it changes off and on. I still weigh about 140 I haven't lost weight, but I'm looking more and more emaciated in my arms and torso area - at least to me. I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I have trouble digesting food - no matter if it is junk food or healthy meals - I have bad bowel movements that are too fast and too runny/soft, very smelly. I am still taking buckets and buckets of nutrients via supplementation because without them I feel I would for sure go crazy and perish! I hate to sound like a complainer and I know we all have problems, even people who appear to be on top of their game and can function very well (like CEO or college professors or whatever... anyone who isn't me right now), but COME ON! All this from antidepressants?! What?! How?! How long will this go on? And furthermore, maybe this is the REAL ME. Maybe I already am "healed" from "withdrawal" and this is actually how I am, and furthermore all the better I am going to get because of the damage - the internal real damage to the brain, nervous system, and all associated organs that no longer function well - because I CHOSE TO TAKE ANTIDEPRESSANTS FOR SOME TIME IN MY LIFE AND THIS JUST IS NOT GOING TO GET ANY BETTER AND HTIS IS JUST HOW I AM GOING TO FEEL FOR THE REST OF TIME?!?!?!? This is outrageous.

 

I am so depressed and so angry. I'm sick of taking all these supplements, I'm sick of feeling like I have mold living inside me (which I do, I have these gross, very very smelly crusty multi-colored boogers and things coming from my nose, back of throat, even the skin on my face - it's like something is oozing out of me and I think, honestly what I think all this is is in fact candida overgrowth but I believe it is candida eating all the dead neurons in my body - all the neurons that were abnormally born due to the serotonin pills, and they have to die off, and the thing in human beings that deteroriates itself when it dies is the candida that naturally occurs in all of us, so why would this be any different? that's what I think is wrong with me and why no candida diet ever worked, why I could take antifungals I'm sure till the cows come home I wouldn't get any better. This is candida living in me, eating away the dead nervous tissue that shouldn't have been there in the first place. I just can't take how it feels anymore.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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I really do feel like i Have mold living inside of me and I am going to die. I just don't know any other explanation for how I feel. Why won't no one help me? Am I going delusional? Is this what people feel like who have delusions? Schizophrenia? Maybe that's what it is. But boy oh boy I can tell you if this is how they feel, no wonder people think they're insane, becuase I really do literally feel like I have something foreign living inside of me that is killing me - call me crazy or whatever but this is how it feels! I just don't know what to do about any of this anymore. Any thoughts? And don't suggest going to a psychiatrist and asking for psych drugs, because I will never ever again touch another psychiatric medication ever again. Save for benzos, which I never take unless I am at my wits end and feel like I ultimately will perish - and by the way I don't take them often. Once every several months now that I am off of them going on several years now. I just don't know what's wrong with me. WHY WON'T MY BODY WORK? !  WHY DON'T I GET TO HAVE THE SAME SHAKE AND CHANCE AT LIFE THAT EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO, WITH A FUNCTIONING MIND AND BODY?! WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?! :(

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Jason,

I'm sorry you are feeling bad again.  I'm not sure if you are in a wave or if you have been constantly feeling like this since you last posted, but which ever it is, I'm sorry you're still going through this, you don't deserve it and I'm sure you haven't done anything wrong.

 

I wish I had an answer for you, I'm still struggling myself, living day to day without much of a life.  I wish I could fix all of us so we could have our lives back.

 

But I can't, so I will send a ((hug)) and hope you feel a bit better soon.

 

Petu.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Hi Jason,

I'm sorry you are feeling bad again.  I'm not sure if you are in a wave or if you have been constantly feeling like this since you last posted, but which ever it is, I'm sorry you're still going through this, you don't deserve it and I'm sure you haven't done anything wrong.

 

I wish I had an answer for you, I'm still struggling myself, living day to day without much of a life.  I wish I could fix all of us so we could have our lives back.

 

But I can't, so I will send a ((hug)) and hope you feel a bit better soon.

 

Petu.

 

Thanks, Petu. I have been feeling this fairly constantly since the last time I posted, yes. Just feel so ill, all the time. It feels like my immune system just doesn't work. I had my routine HIV test on June 2, and it came back negative. So I don't have that. I just don't get it.

 

Movies help. I have been watching Titanic over and over again. lol Not for the Jack Rose story - just for the historical depiction of it sinking. It's fascinating to me. And, I have been reading and watching lots of documentaries about why it sank, as well. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with this lately, but at least it's something to take my mind off my physical symptoms. :)

 

I have good news, though. I am meeting with an actuary at work on Thursday, just to see and discuss what an actuary does and what it would take to become one someday. Hopefully I live that long. lol Wish me luck with this meeting. I'm sure a career in this would be something that would pique my interest. I am very logical, mathematical, and analyitical. Hence you can sympathise my frustration about everything I have to go through with this antidepressant crap. Nothing about this is logical or realistic, as those circuits in my brain have been completely fried.

 

And that's that for the time being. Just a crazy crazy man now, thanks to all this.

 

Will write more after Thursday.

 

Jason

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment

Ok so here is my reply after meeting with the actuary at work.

 

First of all, holy crap it takes a lot of work to become one. 9 or 10 super almost-impossible industry exams to pass that are so hard many people drop this as a career? Some exams have a 20% pass rate? Wth? Why can't anything desirable in life be just a little bit more obtainable? Is that too much to ask?

 

I did enjoy meeting him, though. Too bad I felt horribly ill during and after the meeting in ways that I won't even begin to pretend to understand how to explain in words. My nervous system is too shot. Seriously. It's damaged. I have a big bloody itchy sore on my forehead and my forehead feels like goo. Wtf?! My skin is pale white like a dead fish. Wtf?! I have either way too much energy it feels like my nervous system is going to electrocute me or I am all weak and exhausted it feels like I will collapse. I just don't get it.

 

I almost don't even care about wanting a career anymore. Another degree? Math courses? Industry exams? God, who the hell would want to work that hard when you don't feel good anymore?

 

And that's all my problem right there. I am so neurologically twisted now that I am too ill to even care anymore. And my mind is too indecisive now. Which is also a neurological abnormality that goes along with this all. I will just do nothing. I don't particularly want anything anymore. But then at the same time I don't want this anymore. But not like it even matters since I will never be neurologically stable again so I will just do nothing more than what I am doing now. Oh well.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment

Just wanted to add... I just took a lactoferrin pill cuz I have been feeling so weird and I had stopped taking these daily so maybe I needed to take one again. After a few hours I feel calmer and like I maybe needed it. But I just don't understand? I am so frustrated by all this. I am starting to have trouble affording all these supplements! They are expensive and why do I need so many? And why do the positive reactions I get to them only happen sometimes and sometimes change?

 

This all has to be part of some protracted withdrawal, and I am so tired of it. It is confusing, expensive, feels oftentimes life-threatening, and just too much to ask a person to have to deal with. It just isn't fair.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment

My life, as I once knew it, is over. I am nothing like how I used to be. I am completely crazy now. I have to learn to accept that fact. The me I used to be officially died due to antidepressants. :(

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

And that's all my problem right there. I am so neurologically twisted now that I am too ill to even care anymore. And my mind is too indecisive now. Which is also a neurological abnormality that goes along with this all. I will just do nothing. I don't particularly want anything anymore. But then at the same time I don't want this anymore. But not like it even matters since I will never be neurologically stable again so I will just do nothing more than what I am doing now. Oh well.

 

A lot of us here are in this situation, its part of the whole withdrawal syndrome.  Full recovery can take a long time for some people, but you will recover.  Telling yourself "I will never be neurologically stable again" isn't helpful.  Its not true, you don't know this, thinking it will just make you feel worse.

 

You were on various antidepressants for 10 years, plus klonopin for some of the time.  CT's switching drugs, too fast tapers.  I'm not saying any of this is your fault, none of us knew what we were doing was harmful.  But protracted withdrawal can last for several years, its difficult to accept, especially when the waves hit.

 

There's nothing wrong with just doing what you are doing right now.  You are taking care of yourself the best you can while you slowly recover.   When you feel better, you will do better.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

Thanks Petu. Sorry for being so negative.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

No need to be sorry Jason, its good you can come here to express what you are going through the good and the bad.  By letting us know what you are going through, we can help you to not feel so alone.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

UPDATE: Whey protein caused me a bad reaction.

 

I got some whey protein because I read on here some have tried it and it has helped and also because I wanted to find a way to naturally boost GABA in my brain, and I figured taking all the amino acids in a whey protein form would be beneficial, as I still am convinced I have a difficulty absorbing protein from food. I have used whey proteins of many varieties off and on during periods of my life in the past with usually good results, at least never had bad reactions to it. Well, this time I did. It started off good. I would use some each and every day for a few days, and I actually felt very relaxed after taking it (and would often fall asleep completely zonked out - a sign to me that I have probably been lacking in many of the essential amino acids and another point of evidence that I may not be absorbing protein properly). Well, after a while I started to get really bad diarrhea, and even some cognitive issues (compounded upon those that I already have mind you). The diarrhea got so severe and so bad that I decided to stop the whey protein. After several days off of it I am finally feeling a bit better.

 

I don't think I was getting ill from the ingredients in the whey protein or that this is a cheap brand. What I think was happening is my body was getting flooded with tryptophan. Since I take high doses of niacinamide, all that tryptophan is going to be routed to manufacture serotonin. What I believe was happening to me was mild serotonin overload on nervous receptors - mainly in my GI but also in my CNS. These receptors and nerves in general just cannot handle that much serotonin being pushed onto them yet. Further proof things really aren't healing very well, at least yet. And yes, I really do believe this is from serotonin. I had all the signs/symptoms that I was having when I had my adverse reaction to prozac - feeling very very fearful, some moodiness some elation/relaxation at first followed by the fear, teariness, hopeless feelings, confusion, and the intense diarrhea that was just too much to bear. I can't explain it but my gut made me feel... "evil." It's so hard to describe. I'd get these odd sensations I know to be serotonin not working in my favor there.

 

Please don't judge/mock me. I guess I get defensive because on the other site that is supposedly supposed to be supportive towards people in our situations everything I posted was nonsense or all in my head. Whatever. I know my body and I know what likely happened to it.

 

So, no more whey protein, at least not for a while.

 

The other possibility is this could have been some massive candida/fungus die off or maybe even some worsening of it. In fact, I do believe there was a lot going on in my body involved with that alongside the influx of serotonin. I just really really felt very ill from yeast as well. My body stunk of it. My hair was very greasy. It was awful.

 

It's a shame, too, because I really wanted to use this stuff to help rebuild and repair the nervous tissue. I am damned if I do and damned if I don't with this whole experience I feel like.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment

I also wanted to add that I don't trust the world anymore. Nor do I feel like I can really go to anyone for advice on how to fix me, my life in general, health matters, anything anymore, due to everything I have seen and have gone through and been through with my various experiences. No one. Not saying anything against this forum. In fact, the things I read here are the closest I can come to to knowing someone going through these bizarre experiences.

 

What I mean is, for example, I am afraid that where I am living my roommates and friends will move far away, and I don't have the money or means to do that. So where would I live? No family here. They wouldn't help me. Just trust me on this one. They wouldn't. I don't have nor make enough money to afford anything on my own. I need the comfort and security blanket that is my friend. What would I do? You might think, well, talk to a minister or a doctor or someone who could help you out. Well, they wouldn't understand. I can no longer see doctors for things that I have an inkling aren't falling under some traditional medical phenomenon. I just can't. If I try to go to any doctor about these bizarre symptoms that I have (and for me they are the weakened nervous system with blown-out serotonin receptors, possible malabsorption of protein and an infestation or yeast/fungus overgrowth on the insides of my body), the doctors will look at my drug history or just ask if I am a worrier in life and suggest SSRIs. I would actually be ok with that if I knew that SSRIs wouldn't hurt me. But I'm too smart for that. If I could barely handle a little extra tryptophan in some whey protein because it caused a surge in serotonin that my body couldn't properly handle, how would I be able to handle an SSRI, even at a fraction of the dose? Now, you try convincing and telling a doctor that this is the case. They'll think you're nuts and lock you up. See? That's a good example. I would like to be able to feel like the rest of the world. If I tell others about how ill I have been feeling I will usually get a response like, "wow, that sounds horrible, have you thought about going to a doctor? or wow what has your doctor told you about all that diarrhea?" Yeah, see, that's the problem right there. Doctors and these bad medications are the problem. So, now what do I do now that I have a million times more in problems and doctors were, at least in part, part of the blame for these problems to begin with? Where do I now go for help?

 

The same exists with my job and financial situation. I recently had a semi-annual review. My superior said that my biggest downfall or struggle or whatever is that I lack confidence. Well, how am I supposed to build confidence and be more confident with feeling this ill? I am just trying to barely function. Besides, what does that even mean anyway? She must not know me very well, because actually I am quite stuffy and snobby so much at times that I feel everyone is an idiot when it comes to work. I am highly highly highly intelligent, but I just cannot prove that to people at work without coming across as an arrogant ****. Plus I really don't like most people I meet (see? no confidence, eh? Sounds quite arrogant to me as I type it). I hate mostly all work I have encountered in my working adult years. The things I do know that I would like to do I applied for at this job, and the job turned out to be something completely different than the job description. What the heck was that about?! So see, how can I trust what one prints and publishes as a possible job offer? or job advertisement? And then to try to sell myself in an interview when I am feeling quite ill and have an adversity toward working well with people? I really do not know how to please these people to make them want me and to pay me what I think I am worth. Besides, I could probably do just about anything with proper training, and that again is another area people seem to fall short in. They cannot teach others properly to save their lives.

 

I just can't trust anything. I am completely alone in the world. All my problems are extremely unique to me and i don't know how to fix any of them. So, I just keep faking my way through life. If it were up to me I wouldn't get out of bed, I'd leave where I'm living, find a way back to my brother in Wisconsin and demand he take care of me because I'm way too ill to do so. But I can't do any of that. I have to go to work and be fake and pretend to not be ill and pretend to like my job because otherwise people think I'm not being confident?? What??? I have to not go to doctors because it won't help me anyway, and continue to watch my body suffer and possibly get worse and worse and sicker and sicker. It just doesn't make sense to me. I have to continue living in fear hopelessnes worry and despair.

 

By the way, I wish you all could read what I was like at say about 20 or so, before the maddness that these drugs were took over me or started to anyway. First of all, I wouldn't have even written anything like that above. I was naturally confident had family and friends and people to really care for me. I was somewhat in the navigational seat for my own life, stearing whatever course I wanted to. Not the case today, at all. I feel it is about 98 percent up to fate and these illness issues and 2 percent up to me at this point. No control whatsoever, and that's very terrifying for someone who is all alone and cannot socialize due to his problems.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment

Given the degree of my ill health and how it presents me mentally, and my solitary situation, I would not be entirely surprised if I become a permanent resident in some court-ordered mental health facility someday. Where I will be forced meds against my will that will have terrifying effects upon my body. And my life will be torture. I really am that scared about this. :(

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment

Please just tell me that I am probably just over-reacting right now? I realize anything could happen to anyone anytime, but these have to be irrational dramatizations based upon my scary experiences with psych meds and the current withdrawal I am still going through.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Jason,

I'm sorry to hear about all these concerns you have.  I think a lot of us worry about all the possible bad things which may happen, I know I do.  It sounds to me like you are actually doing quite well.  You are working and managing to keep up a professional image, you are paying your bills and taking care of yourself.  That's more than some people are able to do in withdrawal.

 

None of us are able to go to a doctor with any confidence that they can help.  That is the purpose of this site, we have the best information available about how to take care of ourselves while we slowly recover.

 

I also tried using whey protein for a while, at first in smoothies, which I was getting an obvious bad reaction to, and then I was mixing some in with oatmeal.  But I stopped, it began to feel too stimulating.  Perhaps you could still use it, but just in smaller amounts and maybe a couple of times a week.

 

You are right when you say that anything could happen to anyone at any time but thinking about all the possible misfortunes which we could have just drives the fear.  We can choose what thoughts we focus on.  Choose to think more positive, hopeful thoughts and you will feel better.

 

Petu.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

I think a lot more of us have yeast issues than we realize. That might be something to focus your intelligence on for a bit. It can certainly lead to absorption issues.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

Link to comment

I think a lot more of us have yeast issues than we realize. That might be something to focus your intelligence on for a bit. It can certainly lead to absorption issues.

And I think that it is a symptom of withdrawal. I never had issues with this before.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment

Hi Jason,

I'm sorry to hear about all these concerns you have.  I think a lot of us worry about all the possible bad things which may happen, I know I do.  It sounds to me like you are actually doing quite well.  You are working and managing to keep up a professional image, you are paying your bills and taking care of yourself.  That's more than some people are able to do in withdrawal.

 

None of us are able to go to a doctor with any confidence that they can help.  That is the purpose of this site, we have the best information available about how to take care of ourselves while we slowly recover.

 

I also tried using whey protein for a while, at first in smoothies, which I was getting an obvious bad reaction to, and then I was mixing some in with oatmeal.  But I stopped, it began to feel too stimulating.  Perhaps you could still use it, but just in smaller amounts and maybe a couple of times a week.

 

You are right when you say that anything could happen to anyone at any time but thinking about all the possible misfortunes which we could have just drives the fear.  We can choose what thoughts we focus on.  Choose to think more positive, hopeful thoughts and you will feel better.

 

Petu.

Thank you.

 

Petu I haven't been keeping track of your journal and I know you've had some rough spots lately (I skimmed it). It's just so surreal what we deal with, isn't it? There really are no words for this.

 

I will try to focus on as much positive as I can.

 

Thanks,

Jason

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel very sick and look sickly and weak all the time. Pale white skin, have all the syptoms of iron deficiency. Can't think. I took some iron supplement today with a lactoferrin. Kinda feel a little bit better now.

 

I'm serioulsy my life is over. The way I feel all the time is not a life. Been this wway for several years now while on the meds and much worse once off. Had adverse reaction to prozac really messed up my bowels now I can't absorb anythihng I eat don't know why I bother.

 

I got a new job. That's the only good thing of me of late. Scared to death I won't be able to do it tho I'm so stupid now I cna't do anything. Standing up feels like an enormous chore. I look like I have anorexia and you know whately I've been skipping meals not like I'm hungry anyway but I don't lose weight so no I don't have that. Getting severely depressed. People don't want to talk to me anymore because of things I say to them that are out of my deranged depressed mind but I don't understand that they get upset it's like I hvae autism now. I've literally crossed the line from sanity to insanity. I don't know if it was from the drugs or just was my destiny or is related to this nutritioanl imbalance but my life is basically over I don't know what the point is anymore.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Congratulations on the challenging new job Jason, you impressed them enough to hire you, so I'm sure you will do fine.  The fact that you are able to get up every day and go to work, even though you are not feeling your best is something to be proud of.

 

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel very sick and look sickly and weak all the time. Pale white skin, have all the syptoms of iron deficiency. Can't think. I took some iron supplement today with a lactoferrin. Kinda feel a little bit better now.

 

I think it would be safe to say you are in protracted withdrawal from several antidepressants which you took for 10 years, which you also stopped taking too fast.

 

It can take several years for some people to fully recover.  If you take good care of yourself with healthy food, some exercise and doing things you enjoy, then it will support your recovery.  But even if you don't do those things, I'm sure you will recover, it may just take a little longer.  If you're not losing weight, then you have to be absorbing something.

 

I'm sure people still want to talk to you, its more likely that your negative attitude about yourself is causing you to think this way.  There is no line between sanity and insanity, behaviour is just behaviour, sometimes it fits in with the norms of society and sometimes it doesn't, labeling certain unusual behaviour as insanity or as a mental illness is a form of social control.  You could just as easily call it unique, creative, interesting, fascinating, remarkable, outstanding, distinctive, enigmatic.

 

 

... but my life is basically over I don't know what the point is anymore.

 

If your life was over, you wouldn't have been able to post a message here.  The point is, that for whatever reason, you are here, alive, living this life, the way it is right now.  Its your job to do the best you can with what you have.  You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, next week, next year or even in the next minute.  But right now you are here, having this experience, good or bad, that's the point.

 

Accept this difficult experience of life which you have right now and do the best you can with it.  Perhaps in five years time you will be having the most wonderful experience of life you could imagine, and more.

 

If the iron supplements make you feel better keep taking them.

 

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Does anyone else have low stomach acid? I still keep wasting away muscles and brain function despite eating a lot and taking a billion supplements. I'm going to start taking betaine hcl. Seriously is stomach acid a symptom of withdrawal? It's been years since I touched a ant acid or PPI. But I did take them pretty much my whole life for fear of vomiting I hated the sensation of stomach acid.

 

Please help. This is getting to where I can't function. How can you get on with your life if your damn body won't accept the things you put in it? I'm shriveling up and dying before my eyes. I feel myself slowly fading away. Oh, and I even gained some weight too. Go figure.

HELP!!! totally freak ing out.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment

Btw here is a complete list of all the crap I need to take so as I won't die. I don't take all these every single day, but almost. I think this is everythjng. Good lord:

Multi

Probiotic

Fish oil

Vitamin C

Vitamin D3

Niacinamide

Vitamin B6

Folate

Vitamin B12

Zinc

Iron/Lactoferrin- not everyday on the iron!!!

Calcium/Magnesium

Undenatured whey protein isolate- not everyday. Oh I found a brand I can tolerate. It's completely grass fed organic with NO additives and no hormones and is U denatured.

 

I mean come on. wtfwtfwtfwtfwtgwygwtfwtf I might as well give up and die this is nuts. And now j may need betaine hcl? What happened to just living and eating food? :(

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

I thought I should post an update. I continue to feel completely hopeless through this all. It seems I can't win and that I never feel good and that few things health-wise go in my favor.

 

I discovered in some time ago strange mold growing round my shower drain. I can't seem to get rid of it. and have been having to use roommates shower till we can get this mold issue in my bathroom fixed. I'm also not losing weight anymore but definitely losing healthy tissue, look sickly thin in arms, muscles, feel weak and pale, always dizzy and confused. Since stopping using my bathroom it has improved a little bit, but I just don't understand how I can be so weak and sickkly. It has to do with this problem I'm sure.

 

I have  anew good paying job but what good is a good paying job if I am always sick feeling. I don't even feel like a human being. This has been going on for years now. Chronic malabsorption of nutrients to blame? Will I ever be able to feel like I AM IN CONTROL of my life or anything that has to do with it? I feel a victim of several different circumstances and I just don't know how to fix any of them. I'm sensitive to mold. I have strange and bad digestion issues. I never really feel good. I'm anxious depressed tired, the list goes on. It is just like my body, or I, don't "work" anymore. I just don't work... and I don't know where to go or what to do to fix it.I odn't have answers. I just don't know what to do. I'm always confused. I could feel this mood one moment then another in an instant. It's always changing. I'm weak feeling almost as if my body chemistry can tell that it's so sick and so out of balance that it's barely hanging in there and trying to die on its own. Thank God Im a human being and actually know better so as to try and force my body to stay alive by taking this nutrient here or that nutrient there since it doesn't want to work properly on its own.

 

And what's sad is I was sobbing my eyes out because I can remember the old me before any of this mess and just how much more stable I was. Nutrients? That was never a problem for me. I was never just "floating through life." I had choices and I was in command of my own life. Somewhere around the years of 2003-2004 it all fell apart, I went on serious doses of antidepressants and then benzos and I thought I regained my life. Then problems started coming back in 2007 and it's like I lost control again, decided to come off things gradually and come off everything and that is when everything really hit the fan. Low stomach acid? malabsorption of nutrients? Will this ever correct itself? Hyper-sensitivity to mold? serotonin and thus entire body out of balance? Stress???

 

It's all just too much to bear. I don't even fually participate in life anymore. I don't make new friends I don't try to socialize. I just mrerely exist. I don't know what I'm supposed to do so for tinight I just sit and cry about how bad this has all become. At least I actually have the emotion within me tonight o be able to do this. Most of the time I'm so numb to all of this I can't even cry about it.

 

I know none of this probably makes any sense but here it all is. This is my life now. lovely way to live

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Sorry, Jason. It sounds incredibly difficult for you. But I relate to a lot of what you say 'where have I gone wrong' etc..but I think I lot of this is withdrawal thinking. I hope you regain your strength soon. Xx

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Thanks, Joannad. I understand you, too.

 

Are you in your early 30's, as well? I will be 33, God-willing (lol), on March 25 this year. :)  I will make it. And have better birthdays after, I know.

 

I'm feeling a bit better today. I took a large GABA dose a few hours ago, but even before that GABA supplement I was feeling relatively "stable." It is amazing just how much the body gets affected by these drugs. Arms, legs, nose, ears, sight, even my hair has all been a mess since stopping of serious doses of serious and harsh SSRI drugs.

 

By the way, I did ask an old doctor for some Klonopin. I didn't just outright ask like "give me Klonopin," but payed their game. It was two-fold. I literally do need to at least have some small dose benzo on-hand for serious emergencies, and what I had had from years ago has had no affect anymore. That, and I wanted to test just how easy it would be to get a serious psych drug from a doctor. It was like taking candy from a baby (which, ironically I have never tried and could never fathom doing, but that's besides the point). So, I do have some on-hand for emergencies, which I have come across in the last year or so, and thank goodness I had some on-hand.

 

It isn't fair. Most people aren't like us. Never had to take a psych drug. Never needed to. Never would have dreamed to even know what it feels like to feel like you need to. Just smooth-sailing stability for most people on this planet. I wonder how it feels? Or, maybe, is it kind of dull? Some people I notice are as flat as flat can be. And now, how fun can THAT really be, either? You've got to wonder. :)  Sometimes I really do think those with "mental illness" or whatever the heck ("mental DIFFERENCES" or something is more like it) are kind of "chosen." I used to be quite poetic and artistic and fun and fancy-free in my youth and teen years! :)

 

So much for reflection, though.

 

Joannad, are you still on a medication at the time being that you have to taper? And I see you had an adverse reaction to Magnesium? Sometimes I get strange reactions to various supplements but I notice, more often than not, the reactions are positive and not negative. What I do think is universal, though, is just how MUCH we react, either positive or negative, to a supplement, when in the general population, there is little to no reaction afterwards save for those deficient or what not.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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Glad your feeling a little better. I am 31, 32 in May (also god-willing lol).

 

Yes, I also wonder what it would be like just to be so called normal and what I would be like if I had never ingested antidepressants.

 

My mind has gone blank, will write more when I can.

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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  • 5 months later...

Hey everybody,

 

I'm just wondering how normal it is for everyone on here to think they have a brain tumor? I seem to have a lot of the symptoms. Did anyone outright get this checked out by brain imaging places? I'm considering asking my doctor for a referral, but only after my upcoming ENT (ear nose throat) doctor appointment for all this sinus gunk I have been having for years.

 

BTW - all these symptoms, sinus and "brain tumor like" symptoms started after I had bad reactions to and stopped altogether SSRIs.

 

Just wondering. Thanks.

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I've considered a brain tumor, along with heaps of other things. Withdrawal mimics lots of different conditions and illnesses. I keep telling myself that when I recover a bit more and feel up to it, I will go and get some tests.

 

Let us know how your ENT appointment goes.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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I've considered a brain tumor, along with heaps of other things. Withdrawal mimics lots of different conditions and illnesses. I keep telling myself that when I recover a bit more and feel up to it, I will go and get some tests.

 

Let us know how your ENT appointment goes.

 

Thanks, Petunia. I feel really really miserable and spaced out a lot. My arms are as skinny as tooth pics and "feel weird" (I can't describe it). I'm dizzy and go through disoriented spells, feel like I'm going to fall or die. And there is FUNGUS coming from me from everywhere!

 

If this isn't a sinus infection or a brain tumor, all I have to say, is that this is a bunch of BS that this could all be happening and as a result of these stupid drugs.

 

On a positive note (if there is any, lol), I just went in for my physical. ALL BLOODWORK WAS NORMAL. My weight is normal for my height. Blood pressure, temperature, everything normal. Normal thyroid. Normal RBC WBC etc. Normal electrolytes. Normal protein (so I am absorbing!) and normal cholesterol (so I am absorbing fats, too!). Unbelievable.

 

The only thing I brought up, at least this time around, is that I have all this sinus "gunk" and really need it looked at and that sinus stuff runs in my mom's side of the family. So he made the ENT referral. I told him I'm not taking SSRI drugs anymore and he completely understands. I told him that I have taken some St. John's Wort recently, which, I haven't mentioned on this board. I know, St. John's Wort has it's issues, and I don't take it that often, maybe once or twice a week and I actually like it more for the immune-boosting properties than the antidepressant and SSRI-like properties. Believe me, I am aware.

 

I figure, have this ENT appointment, see what is said, cuz who knows, this could all be a fungal ball or something in my sinuses and that's all. And if after that I feel down the road the need to complain to my primary I can always do so and see if he'll refer for a brain scan at a neuro. Just for my own peace of mind. I'm sure it's probably totally nothing... even though all the evidence to the contrary is there.

 

What BS.

 

Jason

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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  • 2 weeks later...

ENT appointment is coming up! It's next week Tuesday.

 

I've never been to one, at least as far as I can remember. What should I expect? If anyone can offer any advice... I'd appreciate it. :) My friend told me they have little scopes they can put up into your nose to inspect and see if they see anything alarming.

 

The most I think I've had done with regards to head issues was waaaay back in the year 2000, I had a lot of earwax buildup that was preventing me from being able to hear, especially out of my right ear. A doctor had to pull wax and debris from the ears, and I felt so much better. This was well before my psych drug using years, too!

 

-Jason

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

Link to comment

Update -

 

I saw the ENT. She looked in my nose and found .... NOTHING ALARMING!!! :)

 

That's good news. Very good, actually.

 

I asked her about my headaches - she says it's from pressure. Recommended over-the-counter nasal products (which I may or may not get). She recommended AGAINST a CT scan or the sinuses. Said she didn't feel the need. She alleviated my fear this could be cancer due to my dizzy spells. She said there's nothing that would suggest this to her.

 

This is very good news... but my mind has been wandering again. I worry about brain tumor and even thought maybe I have neurosyphilis. I get regular tests for syphilis (am actually going to get tested here in a few hours) and it always comes back negative. But... my anxious mind will do things like think that I could have gotten syphilis 10 years ago or something, never presented with symptoms, never gotten tested, it "went dormant" so it could be "missed" on a blood test, and now is alive and eating my brain alive, deteriorating my body.

 

If I had neurosyphilis, that would show up on a regular syphilis blood test I would imagine. And mine are always negative...

Zoloft: 2002 - sometime 2003 CT
Celexa: 2004 - 2007 20 mg
Effexor XR: 2007 - 2009 300 mg!!!
Effexor XR: 2010 - 2011 tapered down to 18.75 mg, hard time with interdose withdrawal
Prozac: 2011 5 mg till October, then got more depressed tried to updose to 10mg for three days and I became suicidal and very ill
tapered to 2 mg then stopped Feb 20, 2012. Restarting Celexa 10mg March 2017 due to rough patch in my life (anxiety and depression).

Link to my intro page here

Also : was addicted to Klonopin 2004 - 2008, tapered in 2008. Still have on hand for panic, but rarely used.

Suspected mold infection living in moldy room 2012.

Supplements I take: Multi, probiotic, wild Alaskan salmon oil, C, D3, methylB12, niacinamide, whey protein isolate

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