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Acceptance

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MaggieSmalls

Hey all,

I just read this article cause I think acceptance is my biggest problem in wd. There are days where I think everything will be fine my brain just needs time to recover and then there are more days where I´m like: You are already 7 month off Paxil this is not the WD anymore it´s a sign that you are ill and everything will stay like this...this is my life now!"

These days make me feel so hopeless and I just won´t except is which makes everything even worse as you guys know.

I feel like my whole body collapse I got lots of inflammations on my joints and they won´t recover at all. I can´t do sports anymore because of this but sport was one of the few things which really helped me! So I started to meditate a bit every morning cause I know it helps and its the only thing I can do right now.

Its so hard to stay positive when you feel like a Zombie with irreparable brain damages but I guess its the only thing that makes sense while wd. Just accept a life which feels like hell :(

 

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ChessieCat

Found this in a member's topic:

 

On 16/09/2017 at 9:34 AM, baroquep said:

Hi TheWayBack, I think when we are in withdrawal we have to let go of all of our expectations and any notion that things will progress in a rational manner has to be put aside for awhile.  The only thing we are safe to expect is the unexpected.  I've been where you are not that long ago and know what you are going through and each time I reached out to a moderator, they'd tell me the same thing ... you have to accept what is happening to you right now and not to fight it, things will eventually get better.  Finally understood that I was stressing myself out further by trying to rationalize what was happening rather than just accept what was happening.  It took many months for me to embrace acceptance, to learn to just be and not put any further stress on my already stressed out mind by trying to rationalize it away.  Thing is, by ignoring this thing called "acceptance" I now truly believe that it does hinder your progress.  Maybe try and tell yourself, yes this sucks, but maybe I'd better use all that mindful energy to treat myself with self-compassion now that I'm in this crappy situation that I'm in and try and make myself as comfortable as I can through the anxiety.   I do hope your anxiety does start calming down, know how awful that used to feel, honestly, there were days that I'd wake up feeling like doom followed me everywhere, but we get through it and I can tell you that you will honestly be stronger for it.  After the months of doom and despair, I rarely deal with anxiety anymore, so I'm alive and kicking to tell you that it does get better, we just have to stop thinking about it or we might miss it when it actually starts to happen :) 

 

Acceptance

 

 

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gigi63

Thank you Chessiecat, that is a very helpful reminder again for me today.  You know the interesting fact is that accepting is a very mindful, moment by moment detail.  Accept, Accept, accepting some more!!!!!   Being kind and gentle and compassionate with ourselves. This is truth and needed!!!!  Thank you.  

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NobodySpecial

I wanted to drop in and share some experience from several years of meditation, religious and body work practice that may be useful:

 

I find that being mindful of the direct experience (what is actually happening i.e. intense anxiety, hopelessness) and imagining that I'm caring for it like I would if an abandoned child appeared on my doorstep, allows me to accept what is going on.

 

I like to think that I'm touching the experience with mindful energy. It is important to stay "embodied", which means stay in direct contact with your experience, because it allows you to disengage the mind from making up unhelpful stories about what is going on.

 

I'll give you an example with sleep - when I came off Amitriptyline for the first time, I was convinced and it felt like I couldn't sleep. When I would go to bed, I would practice self-soothing and mindfully touching the sensations associated with it. Whenever I re-drifted into thinking re: I'll never sleep again, I'd gently bring myself back into the direct experience and before long, I would actually fall asleep.

 

I also wanted to share two resources that I have found tremendously helpful, and would love to share with this forum as well :)

 

1. Here's a video on self-soothing that I found particularly practical.

 

2. This is a quote from a psychotherapist called Matthew Licata, he has an instagram and blog that you can find and it provides great resources for acceptance.

Quote

The next time you feel triggered, pause and return your attention into your body. In just one instant of pure compassion, shift out of the spinning narrative and provide a holding environment for your immediate experience. While it may appear that something is coming at you from the outside, it is your own aliveness, seeking safe passage. 

It may seem urgent that you deny or seek relief the uninvited ones from your heart, but this is merely the old groove that has been laid down personally and collectively for billions of here and now moments. Apply the enzyme of presence and offer metabolization for the ancient ones. 

Look carefully. Listen. Feel. Open your senses. You need not go to war with the story any longer. Allow it to liberate on its own, in the intimate field of clear seeing. You are okay. Slow way down. Lay a new groove of kindness and offer this electric new pathway to a weary world that has forgotten. 

Stay close with the sensations as they rise and fall in your belly, in your torso, and in the very center of your heart. You can hold and contain so much more than you imagine. You have capacities now that you did not have as a tender, little one with a ripening, developing brain and nervous system. 

Yes, stormy waves are washing in, but they are not enemies or obstacles on your journey. They are the path itself, allies of integration, longing to be met, to be held, and to be allowed home, back into the vastness.

As you return, over and over into the aliveness of the somatic world, the tangles and the knots will dissolve in the soothing flames of gentle, fiery presence. And all that will remain is a luminous field of awareness, warmth, and creativity. Rest here. For this is what you are.

 

 

 

 

 

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ultimatumprisoncell

I couldn't have stumble across a better forum post today.

Acceptance is difficult. Especially in light of the fact that denial is such a real and valid emotion felt by most anyone. currently suffering or having recently suffered a traumatic experience. And "trauma" can take on so many different forms. Going through AD WD; and the frustrating barrage of persistent problems that often continue for years after successful weaning and discontinuationis obviously count as trauma. In many cases, SIGNIFICANT TRAUMA. The loved ones, including SO's are also traumatized by witnessing our experiences. From the inside it feels so horrific. So much so that even though I know (or figure out at some point) it is causing turmoil in those around me, I can't help feeling that it's so much worse on the patient than it could possibly be on those around them. Reading into the relationships section of these forums puts a little more balance and light into that subject for me.

I'm working on the acceptance thing. Accepting that I've once again destroyed my life "as I knew it".

Accepting that I've hurt and permanently lost my Fiance.

Accepting that there are so many people around me who don't understand, don't care and judge/shun me.

In my weak state brought on by the AD WD, the lack of appetite, and horrible chronic diarrhea (I'm assuming is WD related?) I've found it even harder to cope. And I'm coping 100% alone, with only the help of these forums.

Acceptance and healing are something I pray for daily.

Though not in AA or NA, I've plenty of experience with friends and family in the past who were or are. That said, I've found the "Serenity Prayer" to be short and sweet, but well worded and I believe appropriate for EVERYONE dealing with acceptance under ANY circumstances.

 

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference."

 

These few words are the ones that make the most sense to me. And practically my only source of comfort right now.

 

Peace, Love, Blessings, and Healing to all! 💚

UPC
 

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ikam

denial usually serves an important function of protecting oneself from being emotionally overwhelmed and unable to cope...i have learnt in my long term psychotherapy that there are times for becoming more conscious but also times when it is better not to engage with a denied stuff...my therapist is great, he just knows when...i have been a victim of sever trauma and only now able to connect to a very painful stuff...for years i thought i was not exposed to trauma...

serenity prayer is great...

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ChessieCat

I posted this in a member's Intro topic and thought it might help somebody else so I'm posting it here as well:

 

One of the hardest things about this journey is that we can't see what is happening, at least with most of the symptoms.  If we break a bone we could get an x-ray done to see how much healing has taken place.  When we have a cold we can tell when we are starting to improve because our nose doesn't need blowing and wiping as often.  When we have a scratch or burn on our skin we can see the healing process happening.  It would be wonderful to be able to see what work our brain is busy doing as it is doing what it needs to do to regain homoeostasis.

 

The more you understand about what is happening the easier it is to relax, or at least accept, and not stress about it.  Stress diverts the brain's attention away from healing.  It takes time for the brain to do what it needs to do.  The less stress we add the better.  If you haven't already checked out these I suggest you do.  If you have, check them out again:

 

Brain Remodelling

 

What is Happening in Your Brain


Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

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Marmot
On 8/27/2016 at 12:46 AM, JanCarol said:

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

 

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

 

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

 

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

 

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

 

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

 

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

 

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

 

Reading that made me feel a little more at peace. Thank you for posting it JanCarol.

 

I am still not very accepting of my circumstances, although I hope to be one day. I am fairly accepting of my feelings, but not of how my life is unfolding. One painful thing is that I feel like long and important periods of my youth were taken away unnecessarily by the many medications. Part of me does not even want to be okay with what happened, because I feel like that would just cover up the injustice. Another part of me though wants to have the peace of mind that comes with accepting things as they are. I hope that these things will sort themselves out when I'm ready.

 

Something similar but different is that since going back to work, I have also found myself becoming envious of everyone for having "better" lives than me. It's really miserable to be comparing myself to others, but it's also hard to stop. I have read in a few places now that the problem of comparing can come from not having enough love for one's self. I don't know for sure if this is true, but I'm trying to learn about how people can love themselves more. It's sounding like you start this process by just being nicer to yourself, by checking in with yourself more, and by gravitating towards what makes you genuinely feel better? That's what I've come across at least, so I'll be trying it. 

 

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JanCarol
13 hours ago, Marmot said:

I am still not very accepting of my circumstances, although I hope to be one day. I am fairly accepting of my feelings, but not of how my life is unfolding. One painful thing is that I feel like long and important periods of my youth were taken away unnecessarily by the many medications

 

Hey Marmot - there are times when this can be healed through acknowledging and expressing your anger.

 

And there are times when anger is very appropriate.  Not victim thinking - "this was done to me," but there are times to rant at the doctors, the system, the universe for what has happened.  Ecclesiastes and all that.  The right time, place and methods of accepting anger - like in Ecclesiastes "A time to be Born, A time to die. A time to hang on, a time to let go" - are a fine art, and are part and parcel of Acceptance.

 

It's tricky, because you can get caught in anger spirals - but there are healthy, creative ways to work through this - writing, art, music.  When you get it out of your body, it is then easier to be accepting.

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ikam
On 6/30/2018 at 2:56 PM, JanCarol said:

 

Hey Marmot - there are times when this can be healed through acknowledging and expressing your anger.

 

And there are times when anger is very appropriate.  Not victim thinking - "this was done to me," but there are times to rant at the doctors, the system, the universe for what has happened.  Ecclesiastes and all that.  The right time, place and methods of accepting anger - like in Ecclesiastes "A time to be Born, A time to die. A time to hang on, a time to let go" - are a fine art, and are part and parcel of Acceptance.

 

It's tricky, because you can get caught in anger spirals - but there are healthy, creative ways to work through this - writing, art, music.  When you get it out of your body, it is then easier to be accepting.

Completely agree. Anger has to get out, such as moaning, even swearing

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Marmot
On 6/30/2018 at 9:56 AM, JanCarol said:

 

Hey Marmot - there are times when this can be healed through acknowledging and expressing your anger.

 

And there are times when anger is very appropriate.  Not victim thinking - "this was done to me," but there are times to rant at the doctors, the system, the universe for what has happened.  Ecclesiastes and all that.  The right time, place and methods of accepting anger - like in Ecclesiastes "A time to be Born, A time to die. A time to hang on, a time to let go" - are a fine art, and are part and parcel of Acceptance.

 

It's tricky, because you can get caught in anger spirals - but there are healthy, creative ways to work through this - writing, art, music.  When you get it out of your body, it is then easier to be accepting.

Thanks JanCarol and ikam,

 

I ended up moving to the countryside a week or two ago, and now I commute to work because I feel more at peace out here. More moments of joy. I still boil with anger though when I think about how things unfolded for me. This awfulness only started a month or two ago so maybe it will pass on it's own in time. As you said, there will be a time to let go. Right now, I feel so trapped in a life that I don't like very much though because of debt and other things, and I don't know how I got here. Anyway, I'm getting off-topic now on this thread. I should probably move to the regret one. 

 

Cheers,

Marmot

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BellaC

Acceptance has been helping a lot since my obsessive thought came back mildly due to WD. I can handle physical discomfort, but impacted brain functions manifested as my obsessive thought was harder to accept. Being unable to fully control your mental state is probably one of the most scariest things because we are so comfortable and confident of being the master of our mind. 

Since I have accepted that obsessive thought is part of my life experience, especially part of WD symptoms, I am more okay with it. 

If I have to live with it for a while, I better make a guest room for it and allow it to come and go.

I am still trying. I hope everyone can find some peace in acceptance. :)

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manymoretodays

Nice thoughts BellaC.

Would you like to start an Introduction for yourself in our Introductions section?

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Idlehnds

Wow, I just read through this whole thread.  I think acceptance is the biggest hurdle for me right now.  I am constantly trying to improve everything in my body, from having the perfect bowl movement, to making sure every number on my blood tests are good.  Trying this supplement, to this supplement thinking it will fix everything.  I am constantly trying to fix everything instead of trying to accept it.  If you look at my introduction thread I had some recent stresses that caused me have a setback with my Lexapro.  I was at 1.50mg but had to go back up to 2.0mg to try and stabilize.  I learned a lot to go much slower at these lower doses, but also that there are going to be issues coming down from this medicine and that I need to just ACCEPT them.

 

I am having some insomnia right now and cant sleep.  A year and a half ago when I went on this I felt like I was dying and was hopeless like nothing was getting better.  I only got 3 hours of sleep last night but I am doing good.  I accept it and I dont fight it..  If i dont sleep I just do something else.  If I accept all my issues and stop ruminating on trying to fix everything and just learn to live with it.   My gut feeling is that every problem I have it will get better and I will be a better person.

 

I love this thread and I hope it keeps going so I can share more throughout this journey of mine.  

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India

 

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ChessieCat

I wrote this to a member recently and thought it might be helpful for other members:

 

Use the image of waiting in a queue, the line gradually gets shorter.  When you are in a queue you can't make it move any quicker than it does.  You have no control over it.  All you can do is wait in the line.  How you wait is what is going to make a difference.  You can either be impatient and start getting irritable and think bad things and complain to the other people who might start swearing at you which makes you feel worse or you can try to be patient and calm and try and think of nice things and look at the things around you.  It's going to take the same amount of time for you to get to the head of the queue but you can either make the experience of waiting pleasant or unpleasant (ie try to stay as calm as possible or add stress to the wait).

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat

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Happy2Heal

that's a wonderful analogy ChessieCat

 

thanks for sharing it!

 

it's so appropriate for the experience of healing from psych meds.

it's just going to take as long as it does.

we have no control over that, but we do have control over how we use that time while we wait to heal.

 

 

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JackieDecides
20 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Use the image of waiting in a queue, the line gradually gets shorter.  When you are in a queue you can't make it move any quicker than it does.  You have no control over it.  All you can do is wait in the line.  How you wait is what is going to make a difference.  You can either be impatient and start getting irritable and think bad things and complain to the other people who might start swearing at you which makes you feel worse or you can try to be patient and calm and try and think of nice things and look at the things around you.  It's going to take the same amount of time for you to get to the head of the queue but you can either make the experience of waiting pleasant or unpleasant (ie try to stay as calm as possible or add stress to the wait).

 

brilliant! 

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