Acceptance and Hope

[BfromNJ]

On 2/7/2019 at 8:07 AM, Leo1983 said:

I have been looking at reassurance seeking in wd.which i understand like all of us in wd. 

 

When will i be better? Will i get better? Can i just ask? Am i defo guna heal. 

 

Theres alot of evidence to suggest when we do this it makes us feel better for a small amount of time and then we appear to feel more depressed and back to needing reassured again. I notice i can have a telephone call and be told you will heal. Put down the phone and think i feel ok, im guna do this.... then 20 minutes later i need it again to male me feel better. Actually what we are doing is exhausting ourselves as its like pouring water through a net. 

 

Its helped me to accept this more.. obviously im not happy about it but talking about it all day is exhausting me more. 

 

love this.

 

Edited March 22, 2019 by ChessieCat
fixed up quote

[Leo1983]

Great.

 

Pleased it helped. Its very true. 

 

Lee

[BfromNJ]

1 hour ago, Leo1983 said:

Great.

 

Pleased it helped. Its very true. 

 

Lee

It is.  I think it's also why we resort to the meds to begin with.  We want that reassurance that it will work and we will get better.  Its exhausting.  

[TurkeyCold]

When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves. (Viktor Frankl)

 

In my opinion acceptance is THE fundamental tooI to get through withdrawal especially if it's a severe and heavy one, otherwise the wheel of time will literally kill you in its slowness. It almost killed me. For me acceptance is highly related to a thoroughly developed sense of realism:

 

Am I able to work?

Am I able to deal with social contacts?

Can I read something?

Am I interested in listening to something?

What am I capable of doing at all?

Who brought me into this situation?

Who will get me out of this situation?

What means can help me to heal?

And so on ...

When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.

 

It's these pragmatical questions that helped me making something of a situation that is/was unbearable most of the time and appears unfair. Being stuck in withdrawal and waiting passively for the old life to go on feels like hell, nevertheless that's how I dealt with my CT the first few months. You're new life is already there, take the chance and make something of it. Use the chance to get to know yourself, your body, your mind, your expectations and illusions.

 

And lastly I experience acceptance itself as a wave, sometimes it's there sometimes not, sometimes it's in-between crest and through. And even this can be accepted in yourself when you create spaces of allowance, acceptance and forgiveness.

 

C.

[Nelly]

I can relate to the topic of acceptance. I have begun to accept my situation and it does give me some peace. I am nearly halfway through reducing my meds. I am a little excited of the prospect of being free of AD. I will do this. X

[getofflex]

Excellent post on acceptance.  I was told by a therapist that I'm a fighter.  So I'm working on accepting my WD waves, and not fighting them.  You can't fight with the wind.  

[FarmGirlWorks]

On 3/22/2019 at 1:15 PM, BfromNJ said:

 

Acceptance for me is hard.  Because I feel like I caused myself to be where im at.  I beat myself up.  Its hard to accept it when you constantly say "I should have done this, I should have done that".  But this is definitely something I need to work

 

I agree. I can accept for short amounts of time then, especially if anxiety hits, I want external confirmation that I’m going to get (more) better. Last night, I dreamt that I was asking someone, “does it get any better than this?” God, I hope so but acceptance dictates that I am cool with whatever is happening. I continually remind myself that we are all doing our best. When I got on these horrid drugs, I was doing my best, trying to survive. 

[HopefulDawn]

On 1/29/2018 at 5:27 PM, TreeElf said:

Hey guys,

 

I wanted to come back here and just pass on a few things that may help someone. My full story is in the introductions section, but I weaned off Prozac over last year (did the last bit a little too quickly) and due to a variety of factors had a few episodes of intense withdrawal symptoms over Christmas and the start of January.

 

I reinstated at 2mg recently and am glad to report I'm doing absolutely fantastic. However, I noticed a few patterns which caused me to go into symptom mode. Number 1 was reading too many posts on the forum - I used to be a moderator on an OCD support forum and am aware of the dangers of excessive forum use! In fact it was one of the first things we'd advise newbies to the site. In the week before I reinstated, I went into a mode that I hadn't done for a long time. I was checking for success stories, reading other people's symptoms, and was preoccupied with my health for most of the day. I developed new symptoms and old patterns began to emerge.

 

I've been practicing meditation for 2 years now. I stopped temporarily (funnily enough, just before withdrawal symptoms emerged) for a number of reasons. I forgot how wild an unobserved mind can get, and how we continually create our reality moment by moment. Thankfully I was seeing an amazing Reiki therapist once a week over the past month. He pretty much helped me drag myself out of a potentially long term situation, and helped me take responsibility for the symptoms in order to diffuse them incredibly quickly.

 

I also became disheartened by the horror stories and the lack of success stories, but I knew on some level there was more to it. I've seen incredible recoveries over recent years from a variety of illnesses including severe mental illness, chronic pain, cancer. But as soon as I began getting too involved in the world of 'withdrawal', all of that was thrown into doubt. So I did a test. I know intellectually that my mind is a constant flux of thoughts created from my own awareness, nothing is really external or separate from us, it's all the creation and response of mind. When we know that on an experiential level, there is no reason to suffer, because you are aware that you are creating everything that appears to your consciousness. You can create anything. I mentally put out a request for real life success stories.

 

Within about 6 hours an old friend got in touch. I havent seen her in years since we were in a psychiatric hospital, she was a bit older than me and was like a mother figure. She had been one a severe case of clinical depression, in hospital many times. Her doctors told her she was a lost cause and would be dead within the next few years. Turns out she stopped her meds three years ago, refused any medical help, found a great therapist who understood her desire not to be medicated, and she is happier than she's ever been. She is in a new relationship, has gone back to college, and has absolutely no symptoms in regards to withdrawal (she said there was at first but they didn't last intensely after she started therapy).

 

The following day I bumped into a lady who owns a shop near me who I haven't spoke to in months. She confided that she is also medication free since last summer, after years of being on antidepressants. While things have been up and down, she was still positive, running her business, and very positive.

 

From that day I stopped researching anything to do with illness or withdrawal, I got strict with myself in terms of observing thoughts, and detaching from as many as possible throughout the day. Letting them be there without making a 'story' out of them. Of course, the 2mg reinstatement took the edge off almost immediately, but the transformation between now and the horror I experienced a few weeks ago is unimaginable. In the midst of a crisis the smallest of things can mean the difference between a temporary episode and a wave of days or weeks of awfulness. My main withdrawal episodes lasted no more than a day or two at a time, whereas years ago they would have knocked me for six for weeks. I credit that in part to an ongoing understanding of the how the mind works and not exposing myself to negativity as much as possible, especially in such vulnerable states. Forums and the internet are a great resource, but that's just it, they are a tool and as much as it feels like it's the last thing we want to do, it's essential to spend the majority of our time in 'the world' so we get a fuller picture of it.

 

So I guess what I mean is, don't spend time exposing your mind to anything that reaffirms sickness. People, media, tv, situations. In the psychiatric hospitals I was in in the past they had a term for it (I forget what it was), where patients who were around other patients for too long would develop similar symptoms. They would try and get people out quickly and not encourage them to become too close because the statistics for them later being diagnosed with further disorders was much higher the longer you were in there. I guess it's the same in life, we become what we fill our consciousness with. I was very aware that I was spending most of my time reading about withdrawal and thinking about what my symptoms were like day to day, rather than actually healing. Suffering is inevitable, for everyone, that is the nature of being human. But we have so, so much more power to react to it differently, and even be comfortable with it, than we ever imagine. Glimpses of this astonishing power have saved me many times, although we do need to be still enough for it to be revealed.

 

This may or may not be of use to anyone, but I wanted to share it anyway in the hope that it may help. Love and courage to all of you who are struggling.

Thanks for posting this it is encouraging

[ChessieCat]

Thought I'd put this suggestion here:

 

On 7/25/2020 at 5:27 AM, Katy398 said:

I don’t know whether this helps but I I’ll share it anyway just in case it does.

For this to be beneficial there has to be an initial belief that everyone heals eventually. With this in mind I imagine that I have a set number of waves that I am going to go through on this journey. No one knows what that number will be or how long it will take but there is a set number. Everyone who has healed had a set number of waves,  too many to count but a set number non the less. So after each wave I try to visualise that I’m now one wave down and one step closer to healing. A midwife recommended this technique to me. She said to welcome each contraction rather than fear it. Each contraction will be one step toward welcoming your  beautiful baby into the world 🧡.I’m not very good at welcoming waves yet but after one I always see it as a step closer to healing. 

 

[CharlieBrown]

Hi! Popping in, to voice my views!

 

Acceptance of my current situation has brought me peace.

I rely on Jesus Christ's Grace and forgiveness, in spite of my unrighteous behavior.

I know that Jesus will accept me however I am. And then He will help me, if I ask in earnest.

Help me be molded into a new man, like a potter with clay.

Help me find peace and joy in the midst of turmoil.

Psalm 23! "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil... Thy rod and thy staff comfort me."

[getofflex]

18 hours ago, CharlieBrown said:

Hi! Popping in, to voice my views!

 

Acceptance of my current situation has brought me peace.

I rely on Jesus Christ's Grace and forgiveness, in spite of my unrighteous behavior.

I know that Jesus will accept me however I am. And then He will help me, if I ask in earnest.

Help me be molded into a new man, like a potter with clay.

Help me find peace and joy in the midst of turmoil.

Psalm 23! "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil... Thy rod and thy staff comfort me."

Same here.  I too rely on the grace of Jesus Christ.  I believe He has healed my nervous system of these powerful poisons.  I'm off all psych meds except Lexapro, and I'm over 98% off of that.  Jennifer

[pureshark]

On 7/28/2020 at 11:26 AM, getofflex said:

On 7/27/2020 at 4:48 PM, CharlieBrown said:

Hi! Popping in, to voice my views!

 

Acceptance of my current situation has brought me peace.

I rely on Jesus Christ's Grace and forgiveness, in spite of my unrighteous behavior.

I know that Jesus will accept me however I am. And then He will help me, if I ask in earnest.

Help me be molded into a new man, like a potter with clay.

Help me find peace and joy in the midst of turmoil.

Psalm 23! "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil... Thy rod and thy staff comfort me."

Same here.  I too rely on the grace of Jesus Christ.  I believe He has healed my nervous system of these powerful poisons.  I'm off all psych meds except Lexapro, and I'm over 98% off of that.  Jennifer

 

Absolutely agree with both of you! Peace is a constant prayer for me... both for myself and for others. It's such a good starting point. When your mind is racing, it's very difficult to focus on anything else... makes a lot of other things in life more difficult, too. :-) When I first started exploring the side effects of all the medications I take -- particularly the Nexium (that may or may not have been responsible for all of my other health problems), I was very angry. I wanted to blame people, thought about all of the wasted years I've spent disabled and not being able to have children, and felt overwhelmed and unable to handle whichever outcome I was given.

 

Now, even though I'm only 2 months into my 8 month trial (without Nexium), I know I'll be just fine, regardless of whether or not my symptoms go away. Thankfully, God didn't take too long to give me the strength I needed to go forward and accept my circumstances. I'm not saying it's an easy process... but I can be content either way.

[CharlieBrown]

On 11/1/2020 at 4:18 PM, pureshark said:

Now, even though I'm only 2 months into my 8 month trial (without Nexium), I know I'll be just fine, regardless of whether or not my symptoms go away. Thankfully, God didn't take too long to give me the strength I needed to go forward and accept my circumstances. I'm not saying it's an easy process... but I can be content either way.

It's certainly hard.

That's wonderful to hear, faith and God bring true contentment.

[Yesyes123]

Thank you so much

[manymoretodays]

merged topics:  Acceptance and Acceptance- A hopeful message for you all

Great topic!

(mmt)

And will quote TreeElf's first post, now merged in:

 

Edited February 13, 2021 by manymoretodays
added quote, from TreeElf, where merged in

[HardTimes]

The Double Edged Sword of Acceptance:

 

In the very first post on this thread, @starlitegirlx wisely and openly noted the ambivalence of the notion of acceptance, and I'd like to develop that theme a little bit, as I personally have a bit of a tough time accepting acceptance. 

 

Here are two exemplary narratives that we've all seen time and again in various TV shows, novels and movies:

 

Case 1: Person A has a terrible accident and is told that she will never be able to walk again. She goes through a familiar pattern of psychological states as she tries to process her situation. She is in denial for a while, then the is filled with rage, and then lots of self pity, then regret and recrimination. This goes on for a while, and eventually she comes to a place of "acceptance." It is only once she comes to accept her new life in her wheelchair that she can finally shed all the negative emotions about what she can no longer do, and start to experience the positive emotions about what she can do. Here, acceptance is the path to finding some level of happiness and contentment. 

 

Case 2: Person B has a terrible accident and is told that she will never be able to walk again. This is totally unacceptable to her. She refuses to believe her doctors, she works twice as hard as everybody else at physio therapy, she reads every single last forum post and article she can find about her situation, she writes long letters to obscure doctors in far off lands... In short she she fights like hell. She never accepts her new situation, but just keeps fighting to regain her old life. Eventually she makes a nearly full recovery, the doctors are all amazed, and she is celebrated as evidence of what the heroic human spirit can achieve.

 

I think you can likely see versions of both those stories on TV pretty much any night of the week. In the first, acceptance is positive, as it is what leads to happiness. Acceptance means the peace of not having to constantly fight to recover a life that is already lost, and to start enjoying the new life. But in the second story, acceptance is a negative idea, as it is pretty much the equivalent of resignation, of giving up, of surrender, of quitting. "Acceptance" is not good, it is just what people have to do when they have no more fight left in them.

 

So which of these views of acceptance is most accurate? Which do we choose? Are we always caught somewhere in between them?

 

It seems to me that it all depends on the situation: Accepting that you are a smoker and will always be a smoker and should just stop trying to quit is not the same thing at all as accepting that your partner really is divorcing you and it is time to move on with your life. If fighting a situation really is hopeless, then acceptance seems healthy. But at the same time, if fighting can make a difference then maybe just resigning oneself to a situation too soon isn't the best way forward.

 

So the question for us in WD recovery is what kind(s) of acceptance are we dealing with? Ought we accept that we will likely never walk again, never get our old lives back, and yet in doing so begin creating the conditions for some kind of reasonably happy, if different,  future? Or should we refuse to accept that we are now stuck just crawling around the world we once danced through, and fight like hell to get our dance back? 

 

The classic "serenity prayer" is so perfect (I think it goes back in one form or another to the Ancient Greek Stoics), but the big problem comes in the last line: Knowing the difference between the things that can be changed and the things that cannot. And it is that lack of knowledge that I am having such a hard time coming to accept. 

 

Basically I don't want to accept what has happened to me, because it feels too much like giving up, like recognizing that I'm dead already, that this zombie life is it from now on. But maybe if I don't, the struggle itself becomes the primary source of pain?

 

Thoughts?

[SummerRain]

I think it's about accepting what has happened and where you are at right now, but knowing that things can and will change (for the better). There is also acceptance that we can't control how long it will take, while knowing that we will get there eventually.

[bunchesofoats]

@HardTimesyou echoed many of my sentiments, and my resulting thoughts are much like @SummerRain's. I've worked on accepting what I'm experiencing and that I will continue to be affected in some not quite predictable way in the future, while also not resigning myself to not having a choice in how things play out. I accept what I'm going through while trying to make changes for the better. The worst times for me are when it seems like those efforts aren't fruitful, but those times are only ever temporary. If I keep trying, something good does always come out of it. If I give up, there's no chance. Those are my psychological takes. Physically, there is plenty of evidence for neuroplasticity, and that gives me great hope as well.

[HardTimes]

Hey @bunchesofoats and @SummerRain, and anybody else who is reading this thread and my attempt to articulate my concerns with "acceptance". You guys are right, I was just feeling frustrated that day. "Acceptance" doesn't have to mean "defeat" nor "giving up". Accepting where you actually are means you are in the right position to try to fight and make progress when you can. Certainly in the short term acceptance is really important: If you can't sleep, you're much more likely to relax and have a better day the next day if you just accept it than if you try to somehow force yourself to sleep. And I totally agree that giving up is a sure way not to make any progress! It was just that some of what I had read made me feel like I was being asked to give up, just "accept" that this is the way things are now and that's that. Which stinks.

 

Anyway, I hope I wasn't too much of a Debbie Downer - we should be putting out hope and positivity as much as we can! So thanks.

[ChessieCat]

To me, accepting can sometimes be a case of acknowledging a fact.  That is, trying to be objective (factual) and not subjective (emotional).

 

You cannot change a fact but you can learn to respond to it (finding the best way to cope with it) instead of reacting to it.  Reacting lets our emotions to take control and can be very stressful on our nervous system.  Learning to step back and rationally trying to consider your options lessens the stress.

 

As an example (and this has happened to me recently and it is my daughter who has taught me this).  I got an SMS that annoyed me recently and required a response but didn't need to be answered straight away.  Instead of taking immediate action whilst I was upset I decided to think about it before I replied.  Very simple but can be very hard to do.

[Yesyes123]

[SummerRain]

On 2/21/2021 at 4:35 AM, HardTimes said:

Hey @bunchesofoats and @SummerRain, and anybody else who is reading this thread and my attempt to articulate my concerns with "acceptance". You guys are right, I was just feeling frustrated that day. "Acceptance" doesn't have to mean "defeat" nor "giving up". Accepting where you actually are means you are in the right position to try to fight and make progress when you can. Certainly in the short term acceptance is really important: If you can't sleep, you're much more likely to relax and have a better day the next day if you just accept it than if you try to somehow force yourself to sleep. And I totally agree that giving up is a sure way not to make any progress! It was just that some of what I had read made me feel like I was being asked to give up, just "accept" that this is the way things are now and that's that. Which stinks.

 

Anyway, I hope I wasn't too much of a Debbie Downer - we should be putting out hope and positivity as much as we can! So thanks.

I think we all have days like that sometimes 🙂

[JackieDecides]

On 2/20/2021 at 2:00 PM, ChessieCat said:

I got an SMS that annoyed me recently and required a response but didn't need to be answered straight away.  Instead of taking immediate action whilst I was upset I decided to think about it before I replied.  Very simple but can be very hard to do.

so true! I always feel rushed to answer right away and there's no need for that. 

[Ebee12058]

On 2/20/2021 at 12:35 PM, HardTimes said:

Hey @bunchesofoats and @SummerRain, and anybody else who is reading this thread and my attempt to articulate my concerns with "acceptance". You guys are right, I was just feeling frustrated that day. "Acceptance" doesn't have to mean "defeat" nor "giving up". Accepting where you actually are means you are in the right position to try to fight and make progress when you can. Certainly in the short term acceptance is really important: If you can't sleep, you're much more likely to relax and have a better day the next day if you just accept it than if you try to somehow force yourself to sleep. And I totally agree that giving up is a sure way not to make any progress! It was just that some of what I had read made me feel like I was being asked to give up, just "accept" that this is the way things are now and that's that. Which stinks.

 

Anyway, I hope I wasn't too much of a Debbie Downer - we should be putting out hope and positivity as much as we can! So thanks.

Acceptance is extremely difficult when you're in the middle of a depression wave, (which will flip to anxiety on a dime, then back to depression) which not only makes me depressed, but angry & fatalist. When your brain isn't working properly, it's hard to think about things correctly.

[getofflex]

16 hours ago, Ebee12058 said:

Acceptance is extremely difficult when you're in the middle of a depression wave, (which will flip to anxiety on a dime, then back to depression) which not only makes me depressed, but angry & fatalist. When your brain isn't working properly, it's hard to think about things correctly.

Acceptance doesn't take the pain away.  What it does, at least for me, is remove a major layer of added pain.  Claire Weekes talks about this.  When I am anxious, it is easy to become anxious about being anxious.  This can cause a spiral that just makes the anxiety grow and grow.  If I accept my anxiety, it can fade away and be resolved sooner.    

 

Emotional Spirals

 

What helps me accept the pain of withdrawal is knowing that pain can cause emotional and spiritual growth on a deep level.  So, it is not futile.  It can bear fruit. 

Edited April 9, 2021 by getofflex

[Yesyes123]

Does anyone else think withdrawal seems to come with just plain terrible, terrifying bad luck over and over again?

 

At least for me it does. It's not just my perception of the events that's changed drastically, it's the events themselves too. It seems everything is going absolutely insane.

[Heath]

Great statement @getofflex! A lot of us can relate! Claire weeks describes it best . Acknowledge - this is withdrawals/side effects 

accept-  that it is and ask yourself is there anything you can do or not.

float - let those pesky emotions and feelings float on by. It’s like listening to radio when you are working, you hear it but you are not really listening to the words. 
These are hard to do in the dark place in a wave. It takes practice and best time to practice is in a wave unfortunately! 
 

when I’m bad off I struggle with accepting and floating . I’ve gotten better at it over the past couple years. Floating is the really tough one. For floating getting busy is my best friend! Thoughts, emotions, and feelings come - I tell myself let’s do something! It’s a work in process! Read Claire weeks books when you can !

[HugHK]

On 4/9/2021 at 9:33 PM, Yesyes123 said:

Does anyone else think withdrawal seems to come with just plain terrible, terrifying bad luck over and over again?

 

At least for me it does. It's not just my perception of the events that's changed drastically, it's the events themselves too. It seems everything is going absolutely insane.

 

 

Yes: it is all literally down to luck:

 

Being unlucky with a doctor prescribing a fast taper;

Being unlucky with how the withdrawal affects the mind. Let's remember a small minority of people end up in PAWS - most people have withdrawal for a few weeks and then feel better, some have no symptoms. I've heard of horrible stories of people trying to get off Lyrica for eg, whereas I quit cold turkey (forgot them on a holiday), had vertigo three weeks and then was fine. Just the luck of the draw

 

But then so is most of things in life. I used to think that 'we make our own luck': work hard at school, go to a good uni, get a good job, smash the work and live the life (party, nice holidays etc). Actually health and other things can just strike down anyone at any point. Most of life is luck - the rest is what we do with it, and how we react when we don't get any luck.

 

Thing is we can't really change the luck factor, but we don't want to admit to ourselves this: who would want to think that the main factor in their achievements lies in genetics and random acts of nature? Federer has been the best tennis player in the world for the longest time: of course his determination and training has something to do but what about his natural ability? How many people would be achieved the same things as him even with similar training etc..? genetically he is a one in however many millions (hundreds of millions?). Nature and nurture but nature > nurture

 

 

On 4/9/2021 at 8:59 PM, getofflex said:

Acceptance doesn't take the pain away.  What it does, at least for me, is remove a major layer of added pain.  Claire Weekes talks about this.  When I am anxious, it is easy to become anxious about being anxious.  This can cause a spiral that just makes the anxiety grow and grow.  If I accept my anxiety, it can fade away and be resolved sooner.    

 

Emotional Spirals

 

What helps me accept the pain of withdrawal is knowing that pain can cause emotional and spiritual growth on a deep level.  So, it is not futile.  It can bear fruit. 

 

Completely agree. This is why I ve decided to seek counselling. There is no recipe to change what I am going through but there are ways to change the way I perceive it and to live my best life while I go through it.

On 2/16/2021 at 9:01 PM, HardTimes said:

Case 2: Person B has a terrible accident and is told that she will never be able to walk again. This is totally unacceptable to her. She refuses to believe her doctors, she works twice as hard as everybody else at physio therapy, she reads every single last forum post and article she can find about her situation, she writes long letters to obscure doctors in far off lands... In short she she fights like hell. She never accepts her new situation, but just keeps fighting to regain her old life. Eventually she makes a nearly full recovery, the doctors are all amazed, and she is celebrated as evidence of what the heroic human spirit can achieve.

 

 

So the question for us in WD recovery is what kind(s) of acceptance are we dealing with? Ought we accept that we will likely never walk again, never get our old lives back, and yet in doing so begin creating the conditions for some kind of reasonably happy, if different,  future? Or should we refuse to accept that we are now stuck just crawling around the world we once danced through, and fight like hell to get our dance back? 

 

The classic "serenity prayer" is so perfect (I think it goes back in one form or another to the Ancient Greek Stoics), but the big problem comes in the last line: Knowing the difference between the things that can be changed and the things that cannot. And it is that lack of knowledge that I am having such a hard time coming to accept. 

 

 

 

 

regarding case 2, this is portrayed way too much in movies vs how often it happens. As you say it's all about striking a balance. For every star athlete, actor, businessman who started from nothing, there is a huge success story based on hard work, refusal to accept the odds. But for every successful story, there are thousands or millions of unsuccessful ones. For every Federer, how many teenagers had to quit their dreams of a professional career because of a tennis elbow? For every Messi, how many teens drop out of football academy for damaged knees? We never hear about those but they are the most common. And then we are back to your case 1: accept that the body has broken due to bad luck, and that you will need to change your expectations for yourself in order to be happy in your life. 

 

Whether we are talking career, relationships, achieving goals, the hardest thing in life is to be able to commit 100% to achieving these goals, and being able to let go of them with a calm state of mind when these goals are made unachievable due to something outside of our control. I feel like I understand the theory but I struggle with the practice so I am helping therapy will help me in time.

 

One thing that annoys me is that the conditions we suffer from isn't recognised as much as physical conditions such as cancer for example. When someone is diagnosed with cancer there is au automatically high level of empathy from everyone around. With a protracted withdrawal and mental health issues in general, the part of the population that never has to experience it assumes it is down to the sufferer having a flawed psychology that needs to be corrected: 'you need to deal with your emotions', 'what are you so anxious about?', 'just exercise daily, have a banana and chamomile tea before bed you'll better in a few weeks' etc...

 

A lot of people in the general public also struggle to see the difference between the anxiety they feel and the mental health disorders: experiencing stress, even sometimes making it hard to function before specific events like public speaking, exams etc is completely normal. 'Accepting' this stress is easy: you know when the event ends, you're back to normal in a matter of minutes (in fact better than normal). what makes it hard with disorders is that we experience these debilitating symptoms at any point, in any situation, and we don't know when they'll go away. 

 

 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

You can’t fight withdrawal. You can’t run or hide from it. This is what our minds are trained to do. Years of evolution has done this.

Acceptance is the only path. Waiting the only option. We search for answers fervently, only to find there is no answer. We know this, but if it keeps on happening, it only to ends in disappointed or with more questions. 

 

Why do I keep doing it? Why do I look for answers? It leaves me scared. And it doesn’t matter because I can’t do anything about it.

 

So I’m trying to accept. Whatever happens, happens. It’s hard. But I must learn. I want to learn.

 

Edited December 12, 2021 by ChessieCat
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[ChessieCat]

53 minutes ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

So I’m trying to accept. Whatever happens, happens. It’s hard. But I must learn. I want to learn.

 

Brooke posted this in Windows and Waves topic:

 

On 8/23/2020 at 3:00 AM, Brooke said:

I'd say it took about a year for me to feel "in control" of the waves. And by that I mean that they didn't scare me anymore, and my attitude was more of "put on your seatbelt, here we go again" rather than "oh no, what if this never ends and this is who I am forever?" Once I accepted them as part of the situation, they didn't have as much of a handle on me and I was able to work and live through them in a more productive and nurturing way. 

 

[KittenLePurr]

On 1/3/2013 at 3:21 PM, starlitegirlx said:

Acceptance is so hard. To just allow yourself to be where you are and not fight against it, not be mad about it, to get past feeling sad or anxious and just let it be, like it doesn't even matter because it is what it is. Acceptance is a struggle for most people. Challenging. Perhaps the most challenging thing a person can do is accept life as life is.

 

We're not taught to accept. Everything society has to offer teaches us to push and fight and never give up, blah, blah, blah, but I've spent too much of my life doing that and really, the best times when things have gone smoothly were when I just accepted things, letting go of the struggle, and allowing them to be as they were without judgment or feeling like a failure or any of the other emotional garbage that society has ingrained into me if I allow, let things be, give up the battle or fight, stop trying to change it or whatever way you want to put it.

 

To most, it might seem like quitting. But it actually has its roots in buddhism, and buddha was pretty damn wise. He understood the nature of suffering and realized the hell we put ourselves through it pretty fierce. Acceptance ends that hell, but letting go of trying to change things we want desperately to change is quite the challenge. It feels like giving up. I'm writing this because I'm in a place where I have to accept something I don't want to accept.

 

I have awful tremors in the morning that are likely residual AD WD. No other logic behind them since they started more mildly during the beginning of my AD taper. And here I am off the AD for six months having these tremors only to help with the tremors and worst parts of AD WD I used klonopin and made things a lot worse. Now I'm at 3.5mg of K when I was only at 1mg before my taper of the AD and I want desperately to taper the K because I've learned how bad they are and the damage I probably did taking them, but I have these tremors which are a sign my CNS is a mess. So I'm stuck in a position where I have to accept my CNS is a mess and let it go, giving it time to fully recover before I begin to taper the K.

 

I also have to accept the fear that it may never recover as well as the possibility of it or even just that it might take years. It's all so open ended and leaves no ground under my feet. I'm floating in uncertainty and who among us likes that? But if I do not accept this and allow life to be as it is and run its course as it will, then I will suffer far more emotionally and add more stress which will hinder my recovery.

 

I'm sharing this because from many of the posts I've read here, it seems we all struggle with acceptance.

 

So I thought maybe a thread dedicated to it, to sharing what we are struggling with accepting and helping each other with that like they do in those 12 step groups (which are quite helpful to a fair amount of people who frequent them) would be something useful and helpful to all of us.

 

A kind of haven we can go to when we are stuggling and get support that can help us accept where we are. A sanctuary for the rough times. Someplace that feels safe and nurturing and comforting.

 

Maybe it will help some of us. It's worth a try, right?

 

So for today, I'm working on accepting that I have these tremors that are a sign I have not recovered and it's all so open ended because of that. The when or will I recover is especially scary. But I have to accept that I don't know. I have to accept that life is what it is and I will just have to let the days go by and not give it attention because that will make it worse for me. It is what it is and I have no power over it. Sad as that makes me, that is how it is right now. So I have to accept it or fight it. I choose not to fight. I hope others will join me in sharing here and helping each other through those rough spots where acceptance offers the best path through them.

I'm newish to this site and new to this thread but would love an update, @starlitegirlx. Your situation sounds so challenging...I've been through benzo w/d a number of times, most recently when I microtapered off 0.35mg Klonipin last Spring (finally with success--still benzo-free, finally!) and that was challenging enough without AD w/d also going on. I hope you've found acceptance and made more leaps and bounds on your journey. 

Acceptance IS a huge challenge. My mind always wants to get in the way, avoid what I don't like and go straight to replacing it with something I do like. Anything to avoid pain. Avoiding pain was what got me into this mess in the first place; I was medicated at age 12 but got off all meds in my late teens/early 20s, only to get addicted to heroin and Xanax and end up back on AD and Klonipin in my late 20s. Now I'm 36, tapering off Celexa and dependent on methadone, wishing I'd figured out how to accept things a long, long time ago...but what is helping is spiritual expansion, Buddhist teachings, meditation, mindfulness, and prayer. I grew up really angry at organized religion with Jewish-turned-atheist parents and an super anxious mom with a lot of baggage, so the prayer/spiritual stuff is very new and I still often think I am all alone, unsupported, and headed for disaster...the anxiety may be the hardest thing of all to accept. But I'm working with it and have found that as soon as I embrace and really welcome it, it loses its power over me and I find peace--even if I'm still anxious. Which sounds like an oxymoron but it's true.

 

Hope you're doing well ❤️ I'll be reading more of this thread soon. I've been on this site for a few months but haven't explored any sections except the introductions for some reason. Grateful to have found this section!

 

 

[KittenLePurr]

 

 

On 4/9/2021 at 7:59 AM, getofflex said:

Acceptance doesn't take the pain away.  What it does, at least for me, is remove a major layer of added pain.  Claire Weekes talks about this.  When I am anxious, it is easy to become anxious about being anxious.  This can cause a spiral that just makes the anxiety grow and grow.  If I accept my anxiety, it can fade away and be resolved sooner.    

 

Emotional Spirals

 

What helps me accept the pain of withdrawal is knowing that pain can cause emotional and spiritual growth on a deep level.  So, it is not futile.  It can bear fruit. 

YES 100%. It doesn't remove the pain but removes the suffering over the pain. I've found utter peace in the midst of horrible anxiety simply because I've accepted and embraced the anxiety, so while I'm still sweating and shaking and overwhelmed by anxiety, it's lost its power over me and I can witness, observe, and be with it without being consumed by it. And in turn, it dissipates much faster. It's still a huge challenge to do this when things get really intense and I have a fearful part of me who still thinks if anxiety, pain, or whatever symptom gets intense enough, it won't matter and I'll be overcome by it. But that's just another anxiety loop and I know as long as I accept whatever it is, I can find peace and power.

And with anything, even in the most painful of things, if I can find meaning in it, the emotional pain is reduced, too. If I have horrible pain and anxiety, it means my body is healing and healing is my #1 priority, so knowing that helps me the embrace the symptoms without that added layer of emotional pain. There's a quote I think: "Suffering ends where meaning begins." Something like that. That's really helped me on my journey because even the most painful things in life have some purpose, they all mean something I want to achieve is happening (even if very, very slowly) or at the very least, the painful things have something to teach me and will help me become who I am meant to become.

[getofflex]

5 minutes ago, KittenLePurr said:

YES 100%. It doesn't remove the pain but removes the suffering over the pain. I've found utter peace in the midst of horrible anxiety simply because I've accepted and embraced the anxiety, so while I'm still sweating and shaking and overwhelmed by anxiety, it's lost its power over me and I can witness, observe, and be with it without being consumed by it.

This is very powerful, @KittenLePurr.  It really helps, doesn't it.  

[Ventus]

I am trying hard to accept the situation but having trouble with it. I want so badly to be off and better right now but I can't. I am on a lot less and slow getting closer to 0 and I need to be grateful for that.  At least at the time of me writing this my WD is pretty minimal, and has been for weeks, so I am grateful for that at least.  But I am also watching all my friends getting everything I ever wanted but I can't have any of it. I am well enough to go out and have fun yet my jealousy of them makes it not so fun.

[ChessieCat]

Compare how you are now to how you were at your worst, not how you were at your best or how you want to be.

[Ventus]

That's good advice thanks. Focus on how far I have come vs how far I have left.