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Acceptance

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MaggieSmalls

Hey all,

I just read this article cause I think acceptance is my biggest problem in wd. There are days where I think everything will be fine my brain just needs time to recover and then there are more days where I´m like: You are already 7 month off Paxil this is not the WD anymore it´s a sign that you are ill and everything will stay like this...this is my life now!"

These days make me feel so hopeless and I just won´t except is which makes everything even worse as you guys know.

I feel like my whole body collapse I got lots of inflammations on my joints and they won´t recover at all. I can´t do sports anymore because of this but sport was one of the few things which really helped me! So I started to meditate a bit every morning cause I know it helps and its the only thing I can do right now.

Its so hard to stay positive when you feel like a Zombie with irreparable brain damages but I guess its the only thing that makes sense while wd. Just accept a life which feels like hell :(

 


Started Paxil on January 2016 with 40mg

June 2016 - 30 mg, July 2016 - 20 mg, August 2016 - 20 mg, September 2016 - 15 mg, October 2016 - 10mg, November 2016 - 5mg, January 2017 - 3,75mg, 22/01/2017 2,5mg, 06/02/2017 0 mg

 

Symptoms I still have:

Dizziness (more in waves less in windows)

Brainfog & Derealization (constantly)

Muscle spasm

Hot and cold flashes with sweating (mostly in the evening)

Nightmares with hallucinations (not that frequent anymore)

Moodswings (from happy and optimistic to depressed and sad within a minute)

Joint pain

Symptoms that are gone:Anxiety & Panic, Insomnia, Deep phases of depression, Brainzaps

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ChessieCat

Found this in a member's topic:

 

On 16/09/2017 at 9:34 AM, baroquep said:

Hi TheWayBack, I think when we are in withdrawal we have to let go of all of our expectations and any notion that things will progress in a rational manner has to be put aside for awhile.  The only thing we are safe to expect is the unexpected.  I've been where you are not that long ago and know what you are going through and each time I reached out to a moderator, they'd tell me the same thing ... you have to accept what is happening to you right now and not to fight it, things will eventually get better.  Finally understood that I was stressing myself out further by trying to rationalize what was happening rather than just accept what was happening.  It took many months for me to embrace acceptance, to learn to just be and not put any further stress on my already stressed out mind by trying to rationalize it away.  Thing is, by ignoring this thing called "acceptance" I now truly believe that it does hinder your progress.  Maybe try and tell yourself, yes this sucks, but maybe I'd better use all that mindful energy to treat myself with self-compassion now that I'm in this crappy situation that I'm in and try and make myself as comfortable as I can through the anxiety.   I do hope your anxiety does start calming down, know how awful that used to feel, honestly, there were days that I'd wake up feeling like doom followed me everywhere, but we get through it and I can tell you that you will honestly be stronger for it.  After the months of doom and despair, I rarely deal with anxiety anymore, so I'm alive and kicking to tell you that it does get better, we just have to stop thinking about it or we might miss it when it actually starts to happen :) 

 

Acceptance

 

 


Being very patient.  I'll get there - slowly.  ETA mid 2021

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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gigi63

Thank you Chessiecat, that is a very helpful reminder again for me today.  You know the interesting fact is that accepting is a very mindful, moment by moment detail.  Accept, Accept, accepting some more!!!!!   Being kind and gentle and compassionate with ourselves. This is truth and needed!!!!  Thank you.  

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NobodySpecial

I wanted to drop in and share some experience from several years of meditation, religious and body work practice that may be useful:

 

I find that being mindful of the direct experience (what is actually happening i.e. intense anxiety, hopelessness) and imagining that I'm caring for it like I would if an abandoned child appeared on my doorstep, allows me to accept what is going on.

 

I like to think that I'm touching the experience with mindful energy. It is important to stay "embodied", which means stay in direct contact with your experience, because it allows you to disengage the mind from making up unhelpful stories about what is going on.

 

I'll give you an example with sleep - when I came off Amitriptyline for the first time, I was convinced and it felt like I couldn't sleep. When I would go to bed, I would practice self-soothing and mindfully touching the sensations associated with it. Whenever I re-drifted into thinking re: I'll never sleep again, I'd gently bring myself back into the direct experience and before long, I would actually fall asleep.

 

I also wanted to share two resources that I have found tremendously helpful, and would love to share with this forum as well :)

 

1. Here's a video on self-soothing that I found particularly practical.

 

2. This is a quote from a psychotherapist called Matthew Licata, he has an instagram and blog that you can find and it provides great resources for acceptance.

Quote

The next time you feel triggered, pause and return your attention into your body. In just one instant of pure compassion, shift out of the spinning narrative and provide a holding environment for your immediate experience. While it may appear that something is coming at you from the outside, it is your own aliveness, seeking safe passage. 

It may seem urgent that you deny or seek relief the uninvited ones from your heart, but this is merely the old groove that has been laid down personally and collectively for billions of here and now moments. Apply the enzyme of presence and offer metabolization for the ancient ones. 

Look carefully. Listen. Feel. Open your senses. You need not go to war with the story any longer. Allow it to liberate on its own, in the intimate field of clear seeing. You are okay. Slow way down. Lay a new groove of kindness and offer this electric new pathway to a weary world that has forgotten. 

Stay close with the sensations as they rise and fall in your belly, in your torso, and in the very center of your heart. You can hold and contain so much more than you imagine. You have capacities now that you did not have as a tender, little one with a ripening, developing brain and nervous system. 

Yes, stormy waves are washing in, but they are not enemies or obstacles on your journey. They are the path itself, allies of integration, longing to be met, to be held, and to be allowed home, back into the vastness.

As you return, over and over into the aliveness of the somatic world, the tangles and the knots will dissolve in the soothing flames of gentle, fiery presence. And all that will remain is a luminous field of awareness, warmth, and creativity. Rest here. For this is what you are.

 

 

 

 

 


Taper commencing 14/06/18:

  • Going down by 2.5mg per month from 35mg - once 2.5mg is bigger than the recommended 10%, I'll switch to a water solution. 
  • Planning to taper until October and then hold until 2019 - balancing study, work, life and holiday season.

 

Medication / withdrawal history:

  • Tapered July 2016 to October 2016, unsuccessful and reinstated to 30mg (didn't track specifics)
  • Tapered March 2017 to August 2017, was unsuccessful and reinstated to 35mg (didn't track specifics).
  • Current taper - started 1st January 2018 @ 32.5mg and 2.5mg per month until I reach a dose where 2.5 is > 10% of dose.

 

Morning supplements:

B complex, Niagen, COQ10, Black seed oil, Vitamin C, Zinc, Fish Oil, EGCG, Bosweilla Extract, Curcumin (Longvida), Vitamin D, R-ALA, NAC, Ashwagandha (occasionally), Epimedium / Icariin, Resveratol.

 

Evening supplements:

NatureCalm Magnesium, Glycine, Ashwagandha, Reishi, Schisandra, Melatonin.

I also take Phenibut (maximum 3 times weekly at a dose that doesn't build tolerance) and Oleamide when required.

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ultimatumprisoncell

I couldn't have stumble across a better forum post today.

Acceptance is difficult. Especially in light of the fact that denial is such a real and valid emotion felt by most anyone. currently suffering or having recently suffered a traumatic experience. And "trauma" can take on so many different forms. Going through AD WD; and the frustrating barrage of persistent problems that often continue for years after successful weaning and discontinuationis obviously count as trauma. In many cases, SIGNIFICANT TRAUMA. The loved ones, including SO's are also traumatized by witnessing our experiences. From the inside it feels so horrific. So much so that even though I know (or figure out at some point) it is causing turmoil in those around me, I can't help feeling that it's so much worse on the patient than it could possibly be on those around them. Reading into the relationships section of these forums puts a little more balance and light into that subject for me.

I'm working on the acceptance thing. Accepting that I've once again destroyed my life "as I knew it".

Accepting that I've hurt and permanently lost my Fiance.

Accepting that there are so many people around me who don't understand, don't care and judge/shun me.

In my weak state brought on by the AD WD, the lack of appetite, and horrible chronic diarrhea (I'm assuming is WD related?) I've found it even harder to cope. And I'm coping 100% alone, with only the help of these forums.

Acceptance and healing are something I pray for daily.

Though not in AA or NA, I've plenty of experience with friends and family in the past who were or are. That said, I've found the "Serenity Prayer" to be short and sweet, but well worded and I believe appropriate for EVERYONE dealing with acceptance under ANY circumstances.

 

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference."

 

These few words are the ones that make the most sense to me. And practically my only source of comfort right now.

 

Peace, Love, Blessings, and Healing to all! 💚

UPC
 


Ativan 1or2mg PRN: 2003 - present 

Paxil up to 60mg: Aug 2005 - Feb 2013

Adderall XR Varied dosages on and off: 1994? - present

Pristiq 100mg: Feb 2013 - Feb 2014

Effexor XR 150mg: Feb 2014 - Jun 2016; then gradual taper. D/C'd in Nov 2017.

Xanax 1mg: PRN 1998 - Jan 2018

Zoloft 200 mg: 2016, Taper then CT Dec 2017 AMA. Destroyed my life. And everyone I love. 

Prozac 5mg daily: JAN 2018 - OCT 2018, CT'D against my will and despite my protests.

 

Current: (NOV 2018) Ativan 1mg prn, Adderall XR 15mg daily, Clonidine 0.1mg twice daily

 

 

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ikam

denial usually serves an important function of protecting oneself from being emotionally overwhelmed and unable to cope...i have learnt in my long term psychotherapy that there are times for becoming more conscious but also times when it is better not to engage with a denied stuff...my therapist is great, he just knows when...i have been a victim of sever trauma and only now able to connect to a very painful stuff...for years i thought i was not exposed to trauma...

serenity prayer is great...


- 30 September 2020- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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ChessieCat

I posted this in a member's Intro topic and thought it might help somebody else so I'm posting it here as well:

 

One of the hardest things about this journey is that we can't see what is happening, at least with most of the symptoms.  If we break a bone we could get an x-ray done to see how much healing has taken place.  When we have a cold we can tell when we are starting to improve because our nose doesn't need blowing and wiping as often.  When we have a scratch or burn on our skin we can see the healing process happening.  It would be wonderful to be able to see what work our brain is busy doing as it is doing what it needs to do to regain homoeostasis.

 

The more you understand about what is happening the easier it is to relax, or at least accept, and not stress about it.  Stress diverts the brain's attention away from healing.  It takes time for the brain to do what it needs to do.  The less stress we add the better.  If you haven't already checked out these I suggest you do.  If you have, check them out again:

 

Brain Remodelling

 

What is Happening in Your Brain


Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery


Being very patient.  I'll get there - slowly.  ETA mid 2021

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Marmot
On 8/27/2016 at 12:46 AM, JanCarol said:

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

 

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

 

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

 

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

 

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

 

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

 

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

 

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

 

Reading that made me feel a little more at peace. Thank you for posting it JanCarol.

 

I am still not very accepting of my circumstances, although I hope to be one day. I am fairly accepting of my feelings, but not of how my life is unfolding. One painful thing is that I feel like long and important periods of my youth were taken away unnecessarily by the many medications. Part of me does not even want to be okay with what happened, because I feel like that would just cover up the injustice. Another part of me though wants to have the peace of mind that comes with accepting things as they are. I hope that these things will sort themselves out when I'm ready.

 

Something similar but different is that since going back to work, I have also found myself becoming envious of everyone for having "better" lives than me. It's really miserable to be comparing myself to others, but it's also hard to stop. I have read in a few places now that the problem of comparing can come from not having enough love for one's self. I don't know for sure if this is true, but I'm trying to learn about how people can love themselves more. It's sounding like you start this process by just being nicer to yourself, by checking in with yourself more, and by gravitating towards what makes you genuinely feel better? That's what I've come across at least, so I'll be trying it. 

 


2004: Occasional Clonazepam, and I think Celexa. 2005 - 2006: Effexor, then increased to high dose, then switched to Valproate, then Seroquel. 2007: Wellbutrin + Strattera + Celexa. 2007 - 2008: Wellbutrin + Adderall + Paxil. 2008 - 2012: Wellbutrin + occasional SSRIs when I had worsened "depression", which happened around 4 times, usually after CT of WB. 2012 - 2014: WB + Sertraline, then WB + Pristiq (awful W/D) then WB + rTMS, then random experimental meds. 2014 - 2016: Wellbutrin 200 mg + Abilify 2-4 mg + Adderall 20-40 mg + Cipralex 20 mg. Oct 2016: "Tapered" Cipralex, felt outrageously anxious, irritable. Dec 2016: "Tapered" Adderall, then felt depressed, hopeless, fatigued.  Feb 6 2017: reinstated 20 mg Adderall. Mar 2017: switched to Vyvanse, upped to 30 mg. May - Aug 2017: "Tapered" Vyvanse + Abilify to zero. Oct 25, 2017: Wellbutrin from 200 to 100 mg. Sep 10, 2018:  Wellbutrin from 90 to 60 mg. Oct 29, 2018: WB from 60 to 50 mg. Dec 19, 2018: WB from 50 to 45 mg. Apr 15, 2019: WB 41 mg. May 14, 2019: WB 37 mg. Jun 8, 2019: WB 33 mg. Jul 22: WB 30 mg. 

 

Working hard to take my life back from pharma. Anything I say here is as a friend or peer supporter; it is not medical advice.

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JanCarol
13 hours ago, Marmot said:

I am still not very accepting of my circumstances, although I hope to be one day. I am fairly accepting of my feelings, but not of how my life is unfolding. One painful thing is that I feel like long and important periods of my youth were taken away unnecessarily by the many medications

 

Hey Marmot - there are times when this can be healed through acknowledging and expressing your anger.

 

And there are times when anger is very appropriate.  Not victim thinking - "this was done to me," but there are times to rant at the doctors, the system, the universe for what has happened.  Ecclesiastes and all that.  The right time, place and methods of accepting anger - like in Ecclesiastes "A time to be Born, A time to die. A time to hang on, a time to let go" - are a fine art, and are part and parcel of Acceptance.

 

It's tricky, because you can get caught in anger spirals - but there are healthy, creative ways to work through this - writing, art, music.  When you get it out of your body, it is then easier to be accepting.


"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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ikam
On 6/30/2018 at 2:56 PM, JanCarol said:

 

Hey Marmot - there are times when this can be healed through acknowledging and expressing your anger.

 

And there are times when anger is very appropriate.  Not victim thinking - "this was done to me," but there are times to rant at the doctors, the system, the universe for what has happened.  Ecclesiastes and all that.  The right time, place and methods of accepting anger - like in Ecclesiastes "A time to be Born, A time to die. A time to hang on, a time to let go" - are a fine art, and are part and parcel of Acceptance.

 

It's tricky, because you can get caught in anger spirals - but there are healthy, creative ways to work through this - writing, art, music.  When you get it out of your body, it is then easier to be accepting.

Completely agree. Anger has to get out, such as moaning, even swearing


- 30 September 2020- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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Marmot
On 6/30/2018 at 9:56 AM, JanCarol said:

 

Hey Marmot - there are times when this can be healed through acknowledging and expressing your anger.

 

And there are times when anger is very appropriate.  Not victim thinking - "this was done to me," but there are times to rant at the doctors, the system, the universe for what has happened.  Ecclesiastes and all that.  The right time, place and methods of accepting anger - like in Ecclesiastes "A time to be Born, A time to die. A time to hang on, a time to let go" - are a fine art, and are part and parcel of Acceptance.

 

It's tricky, because you can get caught in anger spirals - but there are healthy, creative ways to work through this - writing, art, music.  When you get it out of your body, it is then easier to be accepting.

Thanks JanCarol and ikam,

 

I ended up moving to the countryside a week or two ago, and now I commute to work because I feel more at peace out here. More moments of joy. I still boil with anger though when I think about how things unfolded for me. This awfulness only started a month or two ago so maybe it will pass on it's own in time. As you said, there will be a time to let go. Right now, I feel so trapped in a life that I don't like very much though because of debt and other things, and I don't know how I got here. Anyway, I'm getting off-topic now on this thread. I should probably move to the regret one. 

 

Cheers,

Marmot


2004: Occasional Clonazepam, and I think Celexa. 2005 - 2006: Effexor, then increased to high dose, then switched to Valproate, then Seroquel. 2007: Wellbutrin + Strattera + Celexa. 2007 - 2008: Wellbutrin + Adderall + Paxil. 2008 - 2012: Wellbutrin + occasional SSRIs when I had worsened "depression", which happened around 4 times, usually after CT of WB. 2012 - 2014: WB + Sertraline, then WB + Pristiq (awful W/D) then WB + rTMS, then random experimental meds. 2014 - 2016: Wellbutrin 200 mg + Abilify 2-4 mg + Adderall 20-40 mg + Cipralex 20 mg. Oct 2016: "Tapered" Cipralex, felt outrageously anxious, irritable. Dec 2016: "Tapered" Adderall, then felt depressed, hopeless, fatigued.  Feb 6 2017: reinstated 20 mg Adderall. Mar 2017: switched to Vyvanse, upped to 30 mg. May - Aug 2017: "Tapered" Vyvanse + Abilify to zero. Oct 25, 2017: Wellbutrin from 200 to 100 mg. Sep 10, 2018:  Wellbutrin from 90 to 60 mg. Oct 29, 2018: WB from 60 to 50 mg. Dec 19, 2018: WB from 50 to 45 mg. Apr 15, 2019: WB 41 mg. May 14, 2019: WB 37 mg. Jun 8, 2019: WB 33 mg. Jul 22: WB 30 mg. 

 

Working hard to take my life back from pharma. Anything I say here is as a friend or peer supporter; it is not medical advice.

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BellaC

Acceptance has been helping a lot since my obsessive thought came back mildly due to WD. I can handle physical discomfort, but impacted brain functions manifested as my obsessive thought was harder to accept. Being unable to fully control your mental state is probably one of the most scariest things because we are so comfortable and confident of being the master of our mind. 

Since I have accepted that obsessive thought is part of my life experience, especially part of WD symptoms, I am more okay with it. 

If I have to live with it for a while, I better make a guest room for it and allow it to come and go.

I am still trying. I hope everyone can find some peace in acceptance. :)


Lexapro 20mg: 2010-2017 (I was doing fine for those years)

PCP recommended tapering in June 2017

Tapering instructed by PCP:

  • 20mg & 10mg every other day: 6/2017-12/2017, No sx
  • 10mg: 12/2017-2/2018, Anxiety and hormone imbalance 
  • Restated 15mg: 2/2018-7/12/2018, No Sx

Self Tapering:

2018

  • 15mg & 12.5mg every other day:7/12- 8/8, No sx
  • 12.5mg : 8/9- 8/28: palpitation, brain fog, diarrhea, dreams, obsessive thought. Subsided on 8/29.
  • 11.2mg: 9/14 -10/12: mild sx. Subsided by 9/27/2018.
  • 10.2mg: 10/13 - 11/7: lethargy, mild shoulder pain. Subsided in 2 wks.
  • 9.2mg: 11/7- 12/10: no sx

2019

  • 8.4mg: 12/11/18- 1/7/19: mild sx. Subsided in 3 days.
  • 7.3mg: 1/8-1/26/: no sx
  • 6.6mg: 1/27-2/25: pain, palpitation, anxiety. Subsided in 1 wk.
  • 5.67mg(15% cut): 2/26-3/26: dreams, pain, palpitation. Subsided in 2 wks.
  • 5mg: 3/26-4/25: no sx.
  • 4.1mg: 4/26-5/19: slight palpitation, gone by 5/8.
  • 3.4mg:5/20-6/23: no sx
  • 2.8mg:6/24-7/21: palpitation, anxiety and dreams. subsided after 2 wks.
  • 2.45mg:7/22-8/18: slight palpitation, down mood, gone by 1st week; diarrhea daily. subsided after 3 wks.
  • 2.1mg:8/19-9/18: slight palpitation, dreams, constipation. gone by 3rd wk.
  • 1.69mg: 9/19-10/16: slight WD sx.
  • 1.38mg: 10/17-11/18: anxiety, depression sx. gone by 4th week.
  • 1.17mg: 11/19-12/16: 2nd week-somatic pain, anxiety, diarrhea, better by 3rd wk.

2020 (new year yay!)

  • 0.92mg: 12/17/2019-1/26/2020: holding, has been 6 wks: somatic pain, down mood, dream, some diarrhea.
  • 0.76mg: 1/27-3/1: somatic pain, palpitation in first 2 wks, diarrhea in 3rd wk, gone by 4th week.
  • 0.65mg: 3/2-3/28: I did not track sx
  • 0.55mg: 3/29-5/5: I did not track sx
  • 0.46mg:5/6-6/3: overall mood is a little low, sad and pessimistic sometimes, sensitive towards stress. stabilized after 4wks.
  •  0.38mg: 6/4-7/19: depressed mood, sensitive towards loud sound, improved after 1 month
  • 0.31mg:7/20-8/23:depressed mood initially, sensitive towards loud sound, improved after 1 month
  • 0.23mg: 8/24-10/4: depressed, somatic pain, less , social, easily cry, low motivation. got better after almost 2 months!
  • 0.15mg:10/5-now: pain in shoulder, depressed

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manymoretodays

Nice thoughts BellaC.

Would you like to start an Introduction for yourself in our Introductions section?


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Idlehnds

Wow, I just read through this whole thread.  I think acceptance is the biggest hurdle for me right now.  I am constantly trying to improve everything in my body, from having the perfect bowl movement, to making sure every number on my blood tests are good.  Trying this supplement, to this supplement thinking it will fix everything.  I am constantly trying to fix everything instead of trying to accept it.  If you look at my introduction thread I had some recent stresses that caused me have a setback with my Lexapro.  I was at 1.50mg but had to go back up to 2.0mg to try and stabilize.  I learned a lot to go much slower at these lower doses, but also that there are going to be issues coming down from this medicine and that I need to just ACCEPT them.

 

I am having some insomnia right now and cant sleep.  A year and a half ago when I went on this I felt like I was dying and was hopeless like nothing was getting better.  I only got 3 hours of sleep last night but I am doing good.  I accept it and I dont fight it..  If i dont sleep I just do something else.  If I accept all my issues and stop ruminating on trying to fix everything and just learn to live with it.   My gut feeling is that every problem I have it will get better and I will be a better person.

 

I love this thread and I hope it keeps going so I can share more throughout this journey of mine.  


February 2017 started Ambien (Whatever the highest dose was) and Ativan 1.5mg

March 2017 started lexapro.  15mg  -Weaned off Ativan after about 2 months on it. 

Weaned off Ambien after 4 months on it every night.  Lexapro starting working and didn't need it.

April 2018 started reduced Lexapro.  15mg-12.5mg.

May 18' 10mg, June 18' 7.5mg, July 18' 5mg, August 18' 4.5mg, Sept 18' 4.0mg, Oct 18' 3.5mg, Nov 18' 3.0mg.

Jan 19' 2.5mg, February 19' 2.0mg, From here I went about .10mg drops at a time and sometimes more every 2 weeks depending on how I feel.  That was from February-August 20th 2019.

I got to .30mg and decided to jump off.  It was so small and decided I needed to face my fears.  I created nueral pathways in my brain that I was fearing withdrawal.

Lexapro 0.0mg 8/20/2019

 

 

 

 

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India

 


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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ChessieCat

I wrote this to a member recently and thought it might be helpful for other members:

 

Use the image of waiting in a queue, the line gradually gets shorter.  When you are in a queue you can't make it move any quicker than it does.  You have no control over it.  All you can do is wait in the line.  How you wait is what is going to make a difference.  You can either be impatient and start getting irritable and think bad things and complain to the other people who might start swearing at you which makes you feel worse or you can try to be patient and calm and try and think of nice things and look at the things around you.  It's going to take the same amount of time for you to get to the head of the queue but you can either make the experience of waiting pleasant or unpleasant (ie try to stay as calm as possible or add stress to the wait).

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat

Being very patient.  I'll get there - slowly.  ETA mid 2021

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Happy2Heal

that's a wonderful analogy ChessieCat

 

thanks for sharing it!

 

it's so appropriate for the experience of healing from psych meds.

it's just going to take as long as it does.

we have no control over that, but we do have control over how we use that time while we wait to heal.

 

 


  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictalBrief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 tapered down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again, too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
 

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JackieDecides
20 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Use the image of waiting in a queue, the line gradually gets shorter.  When you are in a queue you can't make it move any quicker than it does.  You have no control over it.  All you can do is wait in the line.  How you wait is what is going to make a difference.  You can either be impatient and start getting irritable and think bad things and complain to the other people who might start swearing at you which makes you feel worse or you can try to be patient and calm and try and think of nice things and look at the things around you.  It's going to take the same amount of time for you to get to the head of the queue but you can either make the experience of waiting pleasant or unpleasant (ie try to stay as calm as possible or add stress to the wait).

 

brilliant! 


Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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xyz

a good definition of acceptance.

 

“As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution.

However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution.

We don't deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that.

We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity.”

 

Pema Chodron


june 2014 to feb  2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of  intrusive Tinnitus

april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg

june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg

oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold

march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily

may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably

LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19

LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19

April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro

 

 

 

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Happy2Heal
3 hours ago, xyz said:

a good definition of acceptance.

 

“As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution.

However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution.

We don't deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that.

We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity.”

 

Pema Chodron

 

that's a great quote xyz!!

 

 


  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictalBrief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 tapered down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again, too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
 

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SkyStreamer

A video by Eckhart Tolle: "The Power of Acceptance": https://bit.ly/2QtwjFN 

 


09/2011- 01/2014: 10mg Cipralex / 02/2014: increased to 15mg Cipralex

02/2014 - 10/2016: 15mg Cipralex / 11/2016: reduced to 12.5mg Cipralex (over 2 weeks)

12/2016: reduced to 10mg Cipralex (over 2 weeks) / 01/2017 - 09/2018: 10mg Cipralex

10/2018 - 11/2018: reduced gradually to 7.5mg Cipralex / 12/2018: found SA & first learned about the 10% taper method

01/2019 - 07/2019: held (lots of physical & psychological wd symptoms)

07/19/2019: 7.3mg Cipralex / 08/19/2019: 7.2mg / 09/08/2019: 7.0mg / 09/29/2019: 6.9mg / 03/25/2020: 6.7mg

04/16/2020: 6.6mg (0.084) / 05/10/2020: 6.5mg (0.083) / 06/01/2020: 6.4mg (0.081) / 07/12/2020: 6.3mg (0.079-0.080)

07/26/2020: 6.2mg (0.078-0.0.79) / 09/07/2020: 6.1mg (0.077-0.0.78) / 10/06/2020: 6.0 mg (0.076-0.0.77)

 

Please Note: I am not a medical professional. Consult a knowledgeable

medical professional when making decisions about your medical care. 

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ChessieCat
2 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

 

I have been looking at reassurance seeking in wd.which i understand like all of us in wd. 

 

When will i be better? Will i get better? Can i just ask? Am i defo guna heal. 

 

Theres alot of evidence to suggest when we do this it makes us feel better for a small amount of time and then we appear to feel more depressed and back to needing reassured again. I notice i can have a telephone call and be told you will heal. Put down the phone and think i feel ok, im guna do this.... then 20 minutes later i need it again to male me feel better. Actually what we are doing is exhausting ourselves as its like pouring water through a net. 

 

Its helped me to accept this more.. obviously im not happy about it but talking about it all day is exhausting me more. 

 

 


Being very patient.  I'll get there - slowly.  ETA mid 2021

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Noloft

I feel like acceptance is something I halfway do.  I still resist a lot of what is going on with me. Not wanting to accept that these are the cards. Some days certain things are easier to accept than others, but generally I just want some semblance of my previous life back soon. I don’t really know how to get there or if I will and that’s is another thing I struggle to accept...

 

My therapist was telling me the other day about the spider wasp and how it implants it’s eggs in a spider but the spider is still alive and has to stay alive until the eggs hatch. He was telling me that the spider despite being a victim is nature’s best example of acceptance of suffering. He was telling me to be more like the spider and I was just like I don’t want to!


2001-2017-worked my way up from 25mg of zoloft and 2mg of Concerta to 200mg of zoloft and 36mg of Concerta

February 2017-Stopped Concerta cold turkey

September 2017-Added 2mg of Abilify

November 2017-came off Abilify

December 2017-began taper of zoloft 50mg a week while tapering on to Viibryd

January 2018-back on zoloft 200mg

February 2018--tapered off zoloft over a month onto 40mg of prozac

April 2018-CT prozac due to suspected "serotonin syndrome"

 

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BfromNJ

Acceptance for me is hard.  Because I feel like I caused myself to be where im at.  I beat myself up.  Its hard to accept it when you constantly say "I should have done this, I should have done that".  But this is definitely something I need to work on. 


 9/2018- lexapro for 5 days - was low- dose rigid muscles

11/3/2018- zoloft 2 days, starting dose is.intrusive thoughts

11/7/18  - 11/15/18 - Prozac 9 days, from 10 mg for week, to 20 mg 

11/16  inpatient put on Lexapro for a few days,  Cymbalta, 2 days

11/24-12/8 - gabapentin 100 mg 3xs per day - a very fast taper

1/7 - t buspar for  three days- blurry vision, jerky eye

1/17/19 - 2/15/19- mirtazapine 15 mg - started taper on 1/30 fast

2/15/19 - inpatient .2/17-abilify, topamax given.  next day changed

2/20/19 gabapentin 600 mg, 6/5 -545 mg ,8/21  494 mg , 9/30 444mg, 11/14 399 mg, 12/10- 360 mg, 1/21-342 mg, 2/11- 324 mg (current)

2/20/19 - seroquel 25 mg 

2/20- luvox (generic) 25 mg, 4/6- 18.75 mg (current)

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BfromNJ
On 2/7/2019 at 8:07 AM, Leo1983 said:

I have been looking at reassurance seeking in wd.which i understand like all of us in wd. 

 

When will i be better? Will i get better? Can i just ask? Am i defo guna heal. 

 

Theres alot of evidence to suggest when we do this it makes us feel better for a small amount of time and then we appear to feel more depressed and back to needing reassured again. I notice i can have a telephone call and be told you will heal. Put down the phone and think i feel ok, im guna do this.... then 20 minutes later i need it again to male me feel better. Actually what we are doing is exhausting ourselves as its like pouring water through a net. 

 

Its helped me to accept this more.. obviously im not happy about it but talking about it all day is exhausting me more. 

 

love this.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
fixed up quote

 9/2018- lexapro for 5 days - was low- dose rigid muscles

11/3/2018- zoloft 2 days, starting dose is.intrusive thoughts

11/7/18  - 11/15/18 - Prozac 9 days, from 10 mg for week, to 20 mg 

11/16  inpatient put on Lexapro for a few days,  Cymbalta, 2 days

11/24-12/8 - gabapentin 100 mg 3xs per day - a very fast taper

1/7 - t buspar for  three days- blurry vision, jerky eye

1/17/19 - 2/15/19- mirtazapine 15 mg - started taper on 1/30 fast

2/15/19 - inpatient .2/17-abilify, topamax given.  next day changed

2/20/19 gabapentin 600 mg, 6/5 -545 mg ,8/21  494 mg , 9/30 444mg, 11/14 399 mg, 12/10- 360 mg, 1/21-342 mg, 2/11- 324 mg (current)

2/20/19 - seroquel 25 mg 

2/20- luvox (generic) 25 mg, 4/6- 18.75 mg (current)

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Leo1983

Great.

 

Pleased it helped. Its very true. 

 

Lee


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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BfromNJ
1 hour ago, Leo1983 said:

Great.

 

Pleased it helped. Its very true. 

 

Lee

It is.  I think it's also why we resort to the meds to begin with.  We want that reassurance that it will work and we will get better.  Its exhausting.  


 9/2018- lexapro for 5 days - was low- dose rigid muscles

11/3/2018- zoloft 2 days, starting dose is.intrusive thoughts

11/7/18  - 11/15/18 - Prozac 9 days, from 10 mg for week, to 20 mg 

11/16  inpatient put on Lexapro for a few days,  Cymbalta, 2 days

11/24-12/8 - gabapentin 100 mg 3xs per day - a very fast taper

1/7 - t buspar for  three days- blurry vision, jerky eye

1/17/19 - 2/15/19- mirtazapine 15 mg - started taper on 1/30 fast

2/15/19 - inpatient .2/17-abilify, topamax given.  next day changed

2/20/19 gabapentin 600 mg, 6/5 -545 mg ,8/21  494 mg , 9/30 444mg, 11/14 399 mg, 12/10- 360 mg, 1/21-342 mg, 2/11- 324 mg (current)

2/20/19 - seroquel 25 mg 

2/20- luvox (generic) 25 mg, 4/6- 18.75 mg (current)

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TurkeyCold

When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves. (Viktor Frankl)

 

In my opinion acceptance is THE fundamental tooI to get through withdrawal especially if it's a severe and heavy one, otherwise the wheel of time will literally kill you in its slowness. It almost killed me. For me acceptance is highly related to a thoroughly developed sense of realism:

 

Am I able to work?

Am I able to deal with social contacts?

Can I read something?

Am I interested in listening to something?

What am I capable of doing at all?

Who brought me into this situation?

Who will get me out of this situation?

What means can help me to heal?

And so on ...

When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.

 

It's these pragmatical questions that helped me making something of a situation that is/was unbearable most of the time and appears unfair. Being stuck in withdrawal and waiting passively for the old life to go on feels like hell, nevertheless that's how I dealt with my CT the first few months. You're new life is already there, take the chance and make something of it. Use the chance to get to know yourself, your body, your mind, your expectations and illusions.

 

And lastly I experience acceptance itself as a wave, sometimes it's there sometimes not, sometimes it's in-between crest and through. And even this can be accepted in yourself when you create spaces of allowance, acceptance and forgiveness.

 

C.


Medical history:
11/2015 - Duloxetin 30mg, 12/2015 - Duloxetin 60mg, 4/2016 - CT
8/2016 - Duloxetin 60mg, 2/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 4/2017 - CT
7/2017 - Duloxetin 60mg, 9/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 11/2017 - CT
3.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 10.5.2018 - Milnacipran 50mg, 20.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 24.5.2018 - CT and protracted WD

 

Supplements: none

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Nelly

I can relate to the topic of acceptance. I have begun to accept my situation and it does give me some peace. I am nearly halfway through reducing my meds. I am a little excited of the prospect of being free of AD. I will do this. X


Approx 1984 to present date prescribed various ADs consistently. 1995 approx-present Thyroxine 100 mcgrms. 19 Feb2019 stopped venlafaxine 150mg cold turkey. 

06 March 2019 restarted venlafaxine 150mg 10 beads.

04 April 2019 9 beads. 02 May 2019 8 beads 01 July 2019 7 beads. 29 July started using magnesium oil spray before bed 31 July 2019 started natures best fish oil 1300mg 01 Aug 2019 stopped fish oil 1000mgs 06 Aug 2019 Magnesium citrate 100mg .18 Aug 2019 reduced to 6 beads .11 Aug 2019 increased fish oil to 2,600 mg. 8 Sept 2019 increased magnesium citrate 200mg. 22 Sept  2019 reduced magnesium citrate to 100mg. 24 Sept 2019 reduced venlafaxine to 5 & half beads. 25th Sept increased fish oil to 3900mg . 11 October reduced venlafaxine to 5 tablets 

14 October stopped fish oil. 16 October stopped magnesium & started taking lemon balm infused in water with ginger & lemon.

 

 

 

 

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getofflex

Excellent post on acceptance.  I was told by a therapist that I'm a fighter.  So I'm working on accepting my WD waves, and not fighting them.  You can't fight with the wind.  


Lexapro   April02 - Aug17: 10 mg,  ***  Aug17 - Sept17: 5 mg ***  Sept17 - Nov17:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov17: 0 mg, ***   Dec17 - Aug18: 5 mg  ***    Aug/1/18 - Aug/30/18: 2.5 mg     *** Sep/1/18 - Sep/27/18:  1.25 mg. ***   Sep/28/18 - Oct/31/18:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov/1/18 - Nov/15/18: 1.25 mg  ***   Nov/16/18 - Nov/30/18: 2.5 mg  ***   Dec/1/18 - Dec/27/18: 2.0 mg (switched to liquid)  ***    Dec/27/18 - Jan/31/19: 1.5 mg ***    Feb/1/19 - Feb/20/19: 1.0 mg  ***  Feb/21/19 - Mar/7/19: 0.5 mg  ***  Mar/8/19 - May/03/19: 0.8 mg ***   May/04/19 - May/13/19 0.7 mg ***  May/14/19 - May/24/19 0.6 mg *** May/25/19 - June/05/19. 0.5 mg *** June/06/19 - July/19/19 0.4 mg. ***  July/20/19 - Sep 14 2019 0.3 mg.  ***  Sep 15 2019 - Oct 21 2019 0.27 mg. *** Oct 22 2019 - Jan 18 2020 - 0.23 mg. *** Jan 19 2020 - April 1 2020 0.2 mg  ***  April 2 2020 - July 15 2020 0.18 mg *** July 16 2020 - August 22 0.17 mg, August 23 -- Oct 6 0.16 mg, Oct 7 - present 0.15 mg

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19 

When I cannot go to sleep, I take Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mag. in AM 1/2 hour before breakfast with 24 ounces water

supplements AM: omega 3 fish oil, flax seed oil, natural multivitamin, vitamin C, vitamin E

supplements PM: Natural Calm magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, 5-HTP 50 mg. Estroven Sleep Cool and Calm (contains black cohosh 40 mg, soy isoflavones 56 mg) melatonin 3 mg

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FarmGirlWorks
On 3/22/2019 at 1:15 PM, BfromNJ said:

 

Acceptance for me is hard.  Because I feel like I caused myself to be where im at.  I beat myself up.  Its hard to accept it when you constantly say "I should have done this, I should have done that".  But this is definitely something I need to work

 

I agree. I can accept for short amounts of time then, especially if anxiety hits, I want external confirmation that I’m going to get (more) better. Last night, I dreamt that I was asking someone, “does it get any better than this?” God, I hope so but acceptance dictates that I am cool with whatever is happening. I continually remind myself that we are all doing our best. When I got on these horrid drugs, I was doing my best, trying to survive. 


  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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ChessieCat

Thought I'd put this suggestion here:

 

On 7/25/2020 at 5:27 AM, Katy398 said:

I don’t know whether this helps but I I’ll share it anyway just in case it does.

For this to be beneficial there has to be an initial belief that everyone heals eventually. With this in mind I imagine that I have a set number of waves that I am going to go through on this journey. No one knows what that number will be or how long it will take but there is a set number. Everyone who has healed had a set number of waves,  too many to count but a set number non the less. So after each wave I try to visualise that I’m now one wave down and one step closer to healing. A midwife recommended this technique to me. She said to welcome each contraction rather than fear it. Each contraction will be one step toward welcoming your  beautiful baby into the world 🧡.I’m not very good at welcoming waves yet but after one I always see it as a step closer to healing. 

 


Being very patient.  I'll get there - slowly.  ETA mid 2021

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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CharlieBrown

Hi! Popping in, to voice my views!

 

Acceptance of my current situation has brought me peace.

I rely on Jesus Christ's Grace and forgiveness, in spite of my unrighteous behavior.

I know that Jesus will accept me however I am. And then He will help me, if I ask in earnest.

Help me be molded into a new man, like a potter with clay.

Help me find peace and joy in the midst of turmoil.

Psalm 23! "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil... Thy rod and thy staff comfort me."


Prescribed Various SSRI's, Benzodiazepines and Risperidone in 2009 for Anxiety.

Tapered off SSRI's within one year. Abrupt ending with Risperidone.

Recovered from medication side effects!

My success story: 

 

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getofflex
18 hours ago, CharlieBrown said:

Hi! Popping in, to voice my views!

 

Acceptance of my current situation has brought me peace.

I rely on Jesus Christ's Grace and forgiveness, in spite of my unrighteous behavior.

I know that Jesus will accept me however I am. And then He will help me, if I ask in earnest.

Help me be molded into a new man, like a potter with clay.

Help me find peace and joy in the midst of turmoil.

Psalm 23! "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil... Thy rod and thy staff comfort me."

Same here.  I too rely on the grace of Jesus Christ.  I believe He has healed my nervous system of these powerful poisons.  I'm off all psych meds except Lexapro, and I'm over 98% off of that.  Jennifer


Lexapro   April02 - Aug17: 10 mg,  ***  Aug17 - Sept17: 5 mg ***  Sept17 - Nov17:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov17: 0 mg, ***   Dec17 - Aug18: 5 mg  ***    Aug/1/18 - Aug/30/18: 2.5 mg     *** Sep/1/18 - Sep/27/18:  1.25 mg. ***   Sep/28/18 - Oct/31/18:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov/1/18 - Nov/15/18: 1.25 mg  ***   Nov/16/18 - Nov/30/18: 2.5 mg  ***   Dec/1/18 - Dec/27/18: 2.0 mg (switched to liquid)  ***    Dec/27/18 - Jan/31/19: 1.5 mg ***    Feb/1/19 - Feb/20/19: 1.0 mg  ***  Feb/21/19 - Mar/7/19: 0.5 mg  ***  Mar/8/19 - May/03/19: 0.8 mg ***   May/04/19 - May/13/19 0.7 mg ***  May/14/19 - May/24/19 0.6 mg *** May/25/19 - June/05/19. 0.5 mg *** June/06/19 - July/19/19 0.4 mg. ***  July/20/19 - Sep 14 2019 0.3 mg.  ***  Sep 15 2019 - Oct 21 2019 0.27 mg. *** Oct 22 2019 - Jan 18 2020 - 0.23 mg. *** Jan 19 2020 - April 1 2020 0.2 mg  ***  April 2 2020 - July 15 2020 0.18 mg *** July 16 2020 - August 22 0.17 mg, August 23 -- Oct 6 0.16 mg, Oct 7 - present 0.15 mg

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19 

When I cannot go to sleep, I take Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mag. in AM 1/2 hour before breakfast with 24 ounces water

supplements AM: omega 3 fish oil, flax seed oil, natural multivitamin, vitamin C, vitamin E

supplements PM: Natural Calm magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, 5-HTP 50 mg. Estroven Sleep Cool and Calm (contains black cohosh 40 mg, soy isoflavones 56 mg) melatonin 3 mg

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