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Deep despair, dread, doom, horror


Barbarannamated

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Hi

 

New and terrifying manifestation for me is palpable feeling of depression and loneliness when left on my own, Too depressed to work, too depressed to be sick (on my own) and too depressed to take leave on my own. Was dreading it, as had a day off today. Had to get out of house all day (still depressed), but 1000 times worse when got back to an empty house.

 

Thanks

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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Snorky, if it’s any consolation I have exactly the same. It felt like I had written this post.  My fear is so much worse when Im in the house alone. When I return back after being out the fear increases in intensity. Is there anyone out there, who recovered from this? 

Take care Snorky

Everyone says we will recover. 

Kx

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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2 hours ago, Katy398 said:

Snorky, if it’s any consolation I have exactly the same. It felt like I had written this post.  My fear is so much worse when Im in the house alone. When I return back after being out the fear increases in intensity. Is there anyone out there, who recovered from this? 

Take care Snorky

Everyone says we will recover. 

Kx

Hi Katy 

 

Sorry to hear you’re also going through this turmoil. I still think those of us going through this particular agony have been overlooked. It’s almost like the elephant in the room, if you will.  In my case, it’s terrifying due to severity and increasing intensification.

 

Thanks

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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7 minutes ago, Snorky said:

those of us going through this particular agony have been overlooked. It’s almost like the elephant in the room

So true,

Please if there is anyone out there who has lived through this and out the other end,  please post us some encouragement we do need it. 

Kx

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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25 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

So true,

Please if there is anyone out there who has lived through this and out the other end,  please post us some encouragement we do need it. 

Kx

Been  pleading for this intel from mods for ages. I’ve had some alleviation to a few symptoms, but this aspect came v late during WD and seems relentless and unremitting

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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  • Administrator

Read the Success Stories forum!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Mentor
6 hours ago, Katy398 said:

Snorky, if it’s any consolation I have exactly the same. It felt like I had written this post.  My fear is so much worse when Im in the house alone. When I return back after being out the fear increases in intensity. Is there anyone out there, who recovered from this? 

Take care Snorky

Everyone says we will recover. 

Kx

yes there's a LOT of us who have recovered from this, no worries!

I've read hundreds of stories on this forum and the symptoms you're describing are extremely common

AND THEY DO END!!
 

from what I've read and in my own case, it was a gradual lessening over time. Hold onto the good times and focus on what is going well

 

and try to find understanding ppl who can help comfort and reassure you when you're in that dark place

 

keep reminding yourself that the feeling is not connected to anything that is really truly threatening, that is to say, it's "only" WD making generating this feeling of fear and dread that has no basis in reality.

 

I'd put notes around my house that said things like  There's nothing to be afraid of, and Feelings always pass/ change 

and stuff like that.

 

but trust me,  there's  a LOT of people who have gone thru this and recovered and come out the other side and WD is  just a bad memory. And that memory will fade in time too.

 

 

you're on your way. these symptoms are letting you know that you are healing, as awful as the symptoms are

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Read the Success Stories forum!

I did, but couldn’t find anything specific to my symptoms. I also note the longevity in terms of recovery. I’ll do whatever is necessary to cope, non drug therapies etc, but not possible to tolerate symptoms on this level for years and years.

 

4 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

yes there's a LOT of us who have recovered from this, no worries!

I've read hundreds of stories on this forum and the symptoms you're describing are extremely common

AND THEY DO END!!
 

from what I've read and in my own case, it was a gradual lessening over time. Hold onto the good times and focus on what is going well

 

and try to find understanding ppl who can help comfort and reassure you when you're in that dark place

 

keep reminding yourself that the feeling is not connected to anything that is really truly threatening, that is to say, it's "only" WD making generating this feeling of fear and dread that has no basis in reality.

 

I'd put notes around my house that said things like  There's nothing to be afraid of, and Feelings always pass/ change 

and stuff like that.

 

but trust me,  there's  a LOT of people who have gone thru this and recovered and come out the other side and WD is  just a bad memory. And that memory will fade in time too.

 

 

you're on your way. these symptoms are letting you know that you are healing, as awful as the symptoms are

 

 

Thanks. I’ll re read. As stated, it was both severity and obvious deterioration that terrified me.

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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Sport. Being really dumb, but can’t find success stories forum now. Thanks 

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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  • Mentor

here's mine: 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Moderator Emeritus

I don't visit this site often these days, because I'm so much better. But I relate to all the symptoms mentioned in this topic, the dread, terror, DP/DR, akathisia. I rarely left my house for the best part of several years because of these symptoms. If anyone is up to reading a 44 page intro/update journal, its all detailed there, link in my signature.

But over time, it all went away and I'm almost back to normal now. I wrote my recovery story the other day, but didn't post it yet because of an unexpected wave, nothing like how it used to be though.

Hang in there everyone, I know its bad, but it does get better. Be gentle with yourselves.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
On 1/24/2020 at 11:09 PM, Snorky said:

Hi

 

New and terrifying manifestation for me is palpable feeling of depression and loneliness when left on my own, Too depressed to work, too depressed to be sick (on my own) and too depressed to take leave on my own. Was dreading it, as had a day off today. Had to get out of house all day (still depressed), but 1000 times worse when got back to an empty house.

 

Thanks

 

I just saw this post and wanted to comment. I struggled with this on and off for a while. I couldn't stand being alone, but I also couldn't handle  being with people. I hated having to go out, but coming home to an empty house was miserable and frightening. At the time, my daughter was still living with me, but she was rarely home. It was stressful trying to talk and socialize when she was home, but I got very anxious when she left. I wanted to get some kind of a pet, especially after she moved to her own place, but I was still too sick for the responsibility. Eventually I was well enough to get a dog, and that has made a world of difference. He is good company, without the social expectations which come with people, unless they are particularly understanding, and most aren't.

 

Depression, loneliness, anhedonia and a whole lot of other emotional symptoms have cycled around and around as I've been slowly recovering. I rarely read something on this site which I haven't experienced, although there are a few things. It all goes away eventually, you will get back to normal, life will be good again.

 

I know it's hard to imagine or believe, depression, especially withdrawal depression has a way of blocking out any positive feelings like hope, and for me anyway, I wasn't able to even imagine it could possibly get better.  I felt like I was doomed to feel exactly how I was feeling for the rest of my life, there seemed like no way out. So yes, its very difficult. I needed to be constantly reminded that it was withdrawal and it was going to get better. So I basically lived on this site so that I could get the validation I needed, my memory and ability to learn and retain information was broken too, so I kept forgetting what was wrong with me, so having the tab to this site constantly open on my computer was a good reminder every morning until that part of my brain started to heal.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's going to get better.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Petunia said:

 

I just saw this post and wanted to comment. I struggled with this on and off for a while. I couldn't stand being alone, but I also couldn't handle  being with people. I hated having to go out, but coming home to an empty house was miserable and frightening. At the time, my daughter was still living with me, but she was rarely home. It was stressful trying to talk and socialize when she was home, but I got very anxious when she left. I wanted to get some kind of a pet, especially after she moved to her own place, but I was still too sick for the responsibility. Eventually I was well enough to get a dog, and that has made a world of difference. He is good company, without the social expectations which come with people, unless they are particularly understanding, and most aren't.

 

Depression, loneliness, anhedonia and a whole lot of other emotional symptoms have cycled around and around as I've been slowly recovering. I rarely read something on this site which I haven't experienced, although there are a few things. It all goes away eventually, you will get back to normal, life will be good again.

 

I know it's hard to imagine or believe, depression, especially withdrawal depression has a way of blocking out any positive feelings like hope, and for me anyway, I wasn't able to even imagine it could possibly get better.  I felt like I was doomed to feel exactly how I was feeling for the rest of my life, there seemed like no way out. So yes, its very difficult. I needed to be constantly reminded that it was withdrawal and it was going to get better. So I basically lived on this site so that I could get the validation I needed, my memory and ability to learn and retain information was broken too, so I kept forgetting what was wrong with me, so having the tab to this site constantly open on my computer was a good reminder every morning until that part of my brain started to heal.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's going to get better.

Hi Petunia 

 

Many thanks for your thoughts and your support. The lonely aspect is v much there, and I’m engineering situation to be out all the time. It’s not just waves all the time for me, but waves of increasing intensity. Physical- tremors in head, arms and legs and nerve sensations that take your breath away. Mental-permanent anguish/depression/restlessness/anhedonia sensation. Add to this, awful insomnia. Net result- forced myself to come to work today, as distraction etc. However, unable to function with combination of these symptoms.

 

If these are “common”, how on earth does anyone progress to next stage? (I’m CT for 4.5 months)

 

Thank you

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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I too have suffered greatly from what I call existential doom, and I agree with Snorky that it doesn't seem to be as common as anxiety. I've been off my antidepressant for 7 months now and am going through a sort of window in respect of this symptom, though not in respect of the anxiety and other things that I also suffer from. As the time has gone on I have found that the feeling has changed in quality and very gradually become less sharp and dreadful. Dreadful is a good description of how it can feel. I agree it is one of the worst symptoms, but as with all of them it depends on degree. Finding other people on this site who also suffer in this way is helpful as of course are those like Petunia who have battled through. 

citalopram 20mg 2008-2011

venlafaxine 37 1/2 mg rising to 225 mg 2011- June 2019

gabapentin 900mg, started around 2005, came off quickly Nov 2019.

valium 2mg when required for panic Sep-Nov 2019.

Ativan  1mg when required for anxiety 1st-30th Nov 2019.

Was addicted to valium in 1970s but came off it then, v.bad withdrawals.

Now

Lansoprazole 2/3 of 15mg.

Magnesium Citrate, 1/5 oz or 5 gms in water.

Fish oil 1000mg. upped to 2000mg Feb 2020.

 

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50 minutes ago, Dragon said:

I too have suffered greatly from what I call existential doom, and I agree with Snorky that it doesn't seem to be as common as anxiety. I've been off my antidepressant for 7 months now and am going through a sort of window in respect of this symptom, though not in respect of the anxiety and other things that I also suffer from. As the time has gone on I have found that the feeling has changed in quality and very gradually become less sharp and dreadful. Dreadful is a good description of how it can feel. I agree it is one of the worst symptoms, but as with all of them it depends on degree. Finding other people on this site who also suffer in this way is helpful as of course are those like Petunia who have battled through. 

Thank you Dragon

 

Much appreciated. It’s s fairly relentless feeling. Calling them dark thoughts is misleading, as they are more like sensations over which I have no control. 

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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Another aspect, which seems to be an extension of the same thing for me, is going through my past history and raking up every incident, regretting things I've done, feeling out of proportion grief/guilt for any hurt I think I caused. It's just as though I'm going through it in the present. I've worked out that it's a catching up exercise for grieving and pain that I didn't feel properly at the time because of being drugged. Only letting time pass seems to make these feelings lessen. It's like the horror film version of the morning after the night before......

citalopram 20mg 2008-2011

venlafaxine 37 1/2 mg rising to 225 mg 2011- June 2019

gabapentin 900mg, started around 2005, came off quickly Nov 2019.

valium 2mg when required for panic Sep-Nov 2019.

Ativan  1mg when required for anxiety 1st-30th Nov 2019.

Was addicted to valium in 1970s but came off it then, v.bad withdrawals.

Now

Lansoprazole 2/3 of 15mg.

Magnesium Citrate, 1/5 oz or 5 gms in water.

Fish oil 1000mg. upped to 2000mg Feb 2020.

 

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I meant to put on the end of the previous post that i'm thinking of you Snorky and know you'll feel better soon.

citalopram 20mg 2008-2011

venlafaxine 37 1/2 mg rising to 225 mg 2011- June 2019

gabapentin 900mg, started around 2005, came off quickly Nov 2019.

valium 2mg when required for panic Sep-Nov 2019.

Ativan  1mg when required for anxiety 1st-30th Nov 2019.

Was addicted to valium in 1970s but came off it then, v.bad withdrawals.

Now

Lansoprazole 2/3 of 15mg.

Magnesium Citrate, 1/5 oz or 5 gms in water.

Fish oil 1000mg. upped to 2000mg Feb 2020.

 

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  • Mentor
12 hours ago, Snorky said:

If these are “common”, how on earth does anyone progress to next stage?

 

 

there aren't really stages to recovery and it's different for everyone.

 

your symptoms will change, wax and wane and and probably come in waves, with windows of feeling better, as you already know

 

when you're feeling this bad, the best you can do is find whatever works to help make you feel better, and to keep yourself safe

 

I couldn't tolerate being alone and I had that horrendous dread and doom and gloom and I felt quite suicidal at that point.
I did end up going to the ER looking for help, I had an idea of what would help me, and it kind of did, but it was only a temporary fix. BUT that said, it DID get me over the hump and that was what I needed.

 

we've all been thru what you're going thru Snorky, maybe not exactly the same combo of symptoms or in the same order, or intensity but we've all pretty much been where you are.

The good news is, it will end, it WILL get better

 

the less than good news is,  it may be slow getting there BUT the other good news is:

there's a lot of  other people who have been thru this and survived it and you can too


no one wanted to have this happen to them but when it does, we just have to find ways to deal with it

 

so the other less than good news is, you've joined a club you never wanted to be a part of

but the GOOD news is, you've got fellow travellers and others who have made it thru to the other side

who can guide you and keep you company along the way

 

this journey tests  our strength and endurance like nothing else most folks have ever had to face before.

 

but we find out that we are  MUCH stronger than we ever know, and that's kind of a good thing too, ya know?

 

has any little thing gotten better at all?

 

we're here to help you along the way, it's awful but you're going to be ok and it will get better eventually.

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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Thank you D and H2H

 

Re the harking back thing. I can’t help reminiscing when I drive past anything connected with my son’s upbringing. (Schools, nursery etc) There no guilt, just a feeling that everything was hunky dory then and I was happier.

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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  • Mentor
10 hours ago, Dragon said:

Another aspect, which seems to be an extension of the same thing for me, is going through my past history and raking up every incident, regretting things I've done, feeling out of proportion grief/guilt for any hurt I think I caused. It's just as though I'm going through it in the present. I've worked out that it's a catching up exercise for grieving and pain that I didn't feel properly at the time because of being drugged. Only letting time pass seems to make these feelings lessen. It's like the horror film version of the morning after the night before......

Hi Dragon

 

I used to do this as well (and still do to a small degree).  My therapist had an interesting take on it; he said its a form of reverse narcissism, where I exaggerated the effect my words or actions had on others.  Or, as he bluntly put it, "Sorry to tell you this, but the world doesn't hang on your every word, and most people have probably forgotten whatever terrible thing you thing you did." 

 

In 2006, I had the make the decision to take my father off life support, and the situation wasn't as clear as I would have liked.  I spent years second-guessing that decision and beating myself up with guilt.  I very  world-wise Episcopal priest helped when he told me "What if God put you there to make that decision because your father couldn't do it for himself"?  One of the root word origins for Satan is "The Accuser".  He loves nothing more than to make us feel guilty and separated from the rest of humanity.  When I catch myself in the negative thinking spiral, I try to remember that.   

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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I’m so sorry Snorky and Dragon are going through this  too. It’s absolute hell. 

For me Snorky I can’t really remember good times, all my memories seemed to be laced with terrible guilt as with @Dragon. And like @Petunia I am frightened of being alone in the house. In fact Im frightened of life.

For me when I’m in the thick of this I just can’t really understand, why everyone is not frightened of life and the future. Life is so fragile and unpredictable.  

What is happening in the brain to make this feeling withdrawal rather than a natural reaction to life?  Life really is unpredictable and fragility which really  is frightening. What is happening in everyone else’s brains to prevent them from feeling frightened about life?

 

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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2 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

I’m so sorry Snorky and Dragon are going through this  too. It’s absolute hell. 

For me Snorky I can’t really remember good times, all my memories seemed to be laced with terrible guilt as with @Dragon. And like @Petunia I am frightened of being alone in the house. In fact Im frightened of life.

For me when I’m in the thick of this I just can’t really understand, why everyone is not frightened of life and the future. Life is so fragile and unpredictable.  

What is happening in the brain to make this feeling withdrawal rather than a natural reaction to life?  Life really is unpredictable and fragility which really  is frightening. What is happening in everyone else’s brains to prevent them from feeling frightened about life?

 

 

 

Hi Katy

 

Maybe this will help.  Even now, as deep as you are in anxiety and fright, how much do you really know about the future?  Are you sure the lights will come on when you flip the switch and they won't start a fire?  When you do the laundry, can you be sure a hose won't break and flood your house?  When you start the car, will it explode?  I'm not trying to scare you, but think about it--how much do we know with 100% certainty what will happen in the next minute or hour?  Life itself is one uncertain moment after another, but we accept a certain level of uncertainty .  Our brains on WD or in OCD pick an issue and make it our anxious subject of the day.   If we can learn to extend the acceptance of uncertainty to our negative thinking, the weight begins to lift. 

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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10 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

 

there aren't really stages to recovery and it's different for everyone.

 

your symptoms will change, wax and wane and and probably come in waves, with windows of feeling better, as you already know

 

when you're feeling this bad, the best you can do is find whatever works to help make you feel better, and to keep yourself safe

 

I couldn't tolerate being alone and I had that horrendous dread and doom and gloom and I felt quite suicidal at that point.
I did end up going to the ER looking for help, I had an idea of what would help me, and it kind of did, but it was only a temporary fix. BUT that said, it DID get me over the hump and that was what I needed.

 

we've all been thru what you're going thru Snorky, maybe not exactly the same combo of symptoms or in the same order, or intensity but we've all pretty much been where you are.

The good news is, it will end, it WILL get better

 

the less than good news is,  it may be slow getting there BUT the other good news is:

there's a lot of  other people who have been thru this and survived it and you can too


no one wanted to have this happen to them but when it does, we just have to find ways to deal with it

 

so the other less than good news is, you've joined a club you never wanted to be a part of

but the GOOD news is, you've got fellow travellers and others who have made it thru to the other side

who can guide you and keep you company along the way

 

this journey tests  our strength and endurance like nothing else most folks have ever had to face before.

 

but we find out that we are  MUCH stronger than we ever know, and that's kind of a good thing too, ya know?

 

has any little thing gotten better at all?

 

we're here to help you along the way, it's awful but you're going to be ok and it will get better eventually.

 

 

 

Thanks for your continuing support. Yes, I think a few things have improved., a few things come and go (insomnia) and three big things remain.

 

1. Mental.

 

Ongoing and wors

Thanks for continuing support.

 

Yes, some things have improved, some come and go (insomnia), but three things continue. 

 

Continuing  depressive sensations. V raw feeling of depression and melancholy etc. 

 

Mental anguish type thing. Tightening sensations in brain. Like it hurts when you try to think, communicate, read etc etc. Do know if that makes any sort of sense?

 

Physical

 

Permanent head tremor, and increasing tremors in arms and legs.

 

Nerve pain emanating from both lower legs. (Coupled with numbness and pins and needles)

 

My levels of anxiety are increasing as I’m worried whether I can sustain my return to work. Also ongoing negative feelings about being at home. (Two days off this week, but dreading this)

 

Wondering about supplements to offset CT symptoms. Currently just on Vitamin D, worried about my sensitivity to fish oil and magnesium.

 

Thank you again.

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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Thank you Mstimc, for your insight into the guilt thing, as this has been really plaguing me recently. I like the reverse narcissism idea. It seems to put the feelings in their place, and it also lightens the load on me. It's quite a relief to feel less important - if I can put it like that.😉

 

I also appreciate the idea of the devil as "the Accuser", yes, that definitely resonates. I see that manifesting in people about me sometimes.............

 

Katy, I too have wondered how people can appear so confident in an uncertain world. I have found it helpful to look at the actual statistics for bad occurrences happening to individual people. On a day to day basis, it's very unlikely in reality. I'm sorry if this is not expressed very clearly. I think that we, who are in withdrawal, do not have on the protective shell that others have. We are like snails with the shell ripped off.  Yuk.......Exposed to the elements. That's because the ADs numbed us.

 

Snorky, I notice you say that some things have improved, when this happened to me I read somewhere on the site that this means that you are healing and will heal more, rather than being stuck. It helped me to think of it in that way. The other thing I notice about myself is that while I have most of the symptoms I had in the beginning, sometimes over night they will change in quality, like the shifting in a hall of mirrors. Then everything looks different, marginally better perhaps, but definitely different. I think the reason healing works in this way is explained in the site somewhere.

 

Happy2Heal, I love your bit about this experience making us strong, or rather showing us how strong we are. Also, of course how strong we will be when it's over.

citalopram 20mg 2008-2011

venlafaxine 37 1/2 mg rising to 225 mg 2011- June 2019

gabapentin 900mg, started around 2005, came off quickly Nov 2019.

valium 2mg when required for panic Sep-Nov 2019.

Ativan  1mg when required for anxiety 1st-30th Nov 2019.

Was addicted to valium in 1970s but came off it then, v.bad withdrawals.

Now

Lansoprazole 2/3 of 15mg.

Magnesium Citrate, 1/5 oz or 5 gms in water.

Fish oil 1000mg. upped to 2000mg Feb 2020.

 

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1 hour ago, Snorky said:

Wondering about supplements to offset CT symptoms. Currently just on Vitamin D, worried about my sensitivity to fish oil and magnesium.

 

 

I think if you are able to do an epsom salts soak, there's very little risk of having an adverse reaction to the magnesium that is absorbed thru your skin. That's very different from taking magnesium in pill form, I'm pretty sure.

 

When I was going thru this, I was too terrified to be fully naked in the tub to take a bath, so instead I would fill up 2 deep buckets with warm water and epsom salts and soak my feet and lower legs, and it really did help.

I would also do the legs up the wall pose- what that is, is you lie on your back, either on the floor or on a bed, that is up against a wall.

you scoot your butt over as close to the wall as you can,  and put your legs up on the wall, straight up. It's amazing how calming this is.

I didn't even know about this technique when I was first going thru WD and didn't know I was in WD-

and I'd be laying on the sofa, trying to relax and ease the fear, and I'd throw my legs up over the back of the sofa, and it almost instantly calmed me down

I'd do this over and over again all night long (as sleep was nearly non existent at that point)

 

 

it's great that some things have improved, that is proof that you are healing!! wonderful!! :)

 

I think it's a very good sign that your sleep has improved, even if just a little and not consistently yet.

healing seems to go along faster when we're able to sleep. 

 

1 hour ago, Snorky said:

Tightening sensations in brain. Like it hurts when you try to think, communicate, read etc etc. Do know if that makes any sort of sense?

 

yes I had these too, it was so strange. Many of the WD recovery symptoms are very odd. but they pass, these ones will pass too in time

 

 

hang in there, ok? 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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16 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

I think if you are able to do an epsom salts soak, there's very little risk of having an adverse reaction to the magnesium that is absorbed thru your skin. That's very different from taking magnesium in pill form, I'm pretty sure.

I have to warn here. When I was in my early phase of withdrawal even a few drops of a magnesiumchloride solution caused severe symptoms. 

 

@topic: You will heal slower than you want but faster than you expect (now).

 

Medical history:
11/2015 - Duloxetin 30mg, 12/2015 - Duloxetin 60mg, 4/2016 - CT
8/2016 - Duloxetin 60mg, 2/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 4/2017 - CT
7/2017 - Duloxetin 60mg, 9/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 11/2017 - CT
3.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 10.5.2018 - Milnacipran 50mg, 20.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 24.5.2018 - CT and protracted WD

 

Supplements: none

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22 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

 

I think if you are able to do an epsom salts soak, there's very little risk of having an adverse reaction to the magnesium that is absorbed thru your skin. That's very different from taking magnesium in pill form, I'm pretty sure.

 

When I was going thru this, I was too terrified to be fully naked in the tub to take a bath, so instead I would fill up 2 deep buckets with warm water and epsom salts and soak my feet and lower legs, and it really did help.

I would also do the legs up the wall pose- what that is, is you lie on your back, either on the floor or on a bed, that is up against a wall.

you scoot your butt over as close to the wall as you can,  and put your legs up on the wall, straight up. It's amazing how calming this is.

I didn't even know about this technique when I was first going thru WD and didn't know I was in WD-

and I'd be laying on the sofa, trying to relax and ease the fear, and I'd throw my legs up over the back of the sofa, and it almost instantly calmed me down

I'd do this over and over again all night long (as sleep was nearly non existent at that point)

 

 

it's great that some things have improved, that is proof that you are healing!! wonderful!! :)

 

I think it's a very good sign that your sleep has improved, even if just a little and not consistently yet.

healing seems to go along faster when we're able to sleep. 

 

yes I had these too, it was so strange. Many of the WD recovery symptoms are very odd. but they pass, these ones will pass too in time

 

 

hang in there, ok? 

Thank you again. Will keep you posted.   Nervous about having two days holiday at the end of the week. Being anxious about that beforehand almost guarantees problems.

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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23 minutes ago, Snorky said:

Nervous about having two days holiday at the end of the week. Being anxious about that beforehand almost guarantees problems.

 

what are you nervous about, being alone at home? not having things to distract you?

since you've got time, maybe you can think of things to help mitigate those issues you're dreading.

 

I had an extremely hard time being alone, and I live alone, so that didn't help. I would always have a radio on or the TV if I could find some non triggering show (often hard to do) Many of us avoid watching or listening to the news, it's never any good and it's all about things we can't do anything about, so it's really all around awful if you ask me (even when we're not going thru something like this)

 

 

are you able to read or listen to audio books? maybe your favorite childhood book, something uplifting and happy?

if it's being alone that worries you, maybe you can make plans to spend time with friends. Even if you don't feel up to socializing, it can be so hard during WD, just being around ppl sometimes helps.

I would try  to find things were I didn't need to participate and where the people were likely to be friendly or at least neutral (so no political rallies or things of that nature!!)

like watching a movie together or a sporting event, a concert or a play....

some children's productions are esp enjoyable and help with the gloom- kids are always so "in the moment"

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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34 minutes ago, TurkeyCold said:

I have to warn here. When I was in my early phase of withdrawal even a few drops of a magnesiumchloride solution caused severe symptoms. 

wow I'm so sorry to hear that and thanks for the warning.

 

SA does say to start very slow with anything we try, and clearly with good reason.

 

I'm sorry you went thru that @TurkeyCold

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

what are you nervous about, being alone at home? not having things to distract you?

since you've got time, maybe you can think of things to help mitigate those issues you're dreading.

 

I had an extremely hard time being alone, and I live alone, so that didn't help. I would always have a radio on or the TV if I could find some non triggering show (often hard to do) Many of us avoid watching or listening to the news, it's never any good and it's all about things we can't do anything about, so it's really all around awful if you ask me (even when we're not going thru something like this)

 

 

are you able to read or listen to audio books? maybe your favorite childhood book, something uplifting and happy?

if it's being alone that worries you, maybe you can make plans to spend time with friends. Even if you don't feel up to socializing, it can be so hard during WD, just being around ppl sometimes helps.

I would try  to find things were I didn't need to participate and where the people were likely to be friendly or at least neutral (so no political rallies or things of that nature!!)

like watching a movie together or a sporting event, a concert or a play....

some children's productions are esp enjoyable and help with the gloom- kids are always so "in the moment"

 

 

Hi H2H

 

Survivr by “engineering” reasons to be out. Also this-my version of anhedonia prevents TV, books, podcasts and the like.

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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On 1/28/2020 at 3:24 AM, mstimc said:

Hi Katy

 

Maybe this will help.  Even now, as deep as you are in anxiety and fright, how much do you really know about the future?  Are you sure the lights will come on when you flip the switch and they won't start a fire?  When you do the laundry, can you be sure a hose won't break and flood your house?  When you start the car, will it explode?  I'm not trying to scare you, but think about it--how much do we know with 100% certainty what will happen in the next minute or hour?  Life itself is one uncertain moment after another, but we accept a certain level of uncertainty .  Our brains on WD or in OCD pick an issue and make it our anxious subject of the day.   If we can learn to extend the acceptance of uncertainty to our negative thinking, the weight begins to lift. 

Thank you @mstimc for your support.

I completely understand your thoughts on this  

It’s is weird though. I’m not really frightened of disasters which untouched would naturally presume I would be. 

I’m frightened of further hardship for my family. I’m frightened of my kids struggling in life,  not being able to cope with day to day challenges, I’m scared they will not find happiness and will not feel content.  I feel terrified for the future of my sons. Will they be happy? Will they find a partner that loves them?  Will they be able to earn a living wage? Where will they live when they leave home? How will they finance this? What will happen if they fall into financial/ emotional/ physical hardship ?  How will I support them? How will I cope with loneliness/old  age/ my partner getting ill? The list goes on. Actually I guess I’m scared my family will feel like I feel. These  are the things I can’t understand other people are not frightened of.

My heart goes out to all the traumatised families who have suffered from the bushfires here in Australia. Really though I never feel  scared of the fires reaching us.  I just feel  we have a plan to leave our house,  if it burns it burns, as long as we are all safe.  The unpredictable disasters don’t seem to scare me.  The things I can have an influence on but may get terribly wrong and can  make terrible mistakes with, really frighten me. Does that make sense? My confidence and self esteem is non existent and thus I don’t have the confidence for life really. What if we didn’t manage to equip our children for coping with life. 

It may sound dramatic and over the top, but it really is true. I’m stumbling from one transition in my day to the next. Just frightened I will get it wrong and make yet more mistakes in my life. 

Its exhausting I’m scared this is how the final phase of my life will be.  

 

Thanks again for your support @mstimc

This is by far the worst symptom for me that is if it is a symptom and not just me without drugs. 

 

Best wishes to all Kx

 

Edited by manymoretodays
removed excess white space

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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@Katy398   When he was an adolescent, our son suffered from social anxiety.  He had trouble making friends and just talking to people.  He was in band (marching and jazz) and had to deal with terrible stage fright.   We took him to a therapist and after just a few visits he began to break out of his shell.  He's 24 now and will graduate from grad school next year.  He got his BA from UCLA in 2017, and then got a job with the City of LA, saving his money so he could pay his own way through grad school.  At UCLA he had a serious girlfriend for more than a year (they parted ways when he graduated because she was a year behind him).  

 

We were terrified he'd never be able to socialize with his peers and wind up alone with a job in a dark mail room sorting letters all day.  Now he's on the verge of a great career and wonderful life.  As a parent, you take your best shot.  You do what you can, give your kids the support they need, and pray it all works out.  It usually does.  I'm betting it will for your kids, too.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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I too have felt and still feel, though not so often as before, that sense of being inadequate and unable to cope. I get frightened of everyday things, like how to get my head around technology ie phones, computers. It's as though I've been on the moon for 10 years(or more) and suddenly been dumped back here to an alien unknown world that I can't function in. Like Katy I feel everything is going to escalate into a disaster, and it will be my fault. I know that mstimc is right that things usually work out well in the end, and that is comforting, but my own feeling of uselessness in the here and now is causing me to dash around (mentally) in a panic trying to keep all the plates from falling to the floor and smashing.  I'm playing catch up with myself for all the things I missed doing (learning) whilst I was away on the moon (ie. on antidepressants). I think this is partly a withdrawal symptom, especially the panic, but it's partly a reflection of the reality of my having had had a numb unaware brain for years.

 

I also have a deep sadness and feeling of aloneness (can't think of a better word) and fear that I will spend a dreadful lonely old age, my husband will die and my children will be far away, I won't have any friends and on and on..........I know this is not what's really happening but in my head it is/will. I am sure this is a withdrawal symptom and that should help. Sometimes it doesn't...

citalopram 20mg 2008-2011

venlafaxine 37 1/2 mg rising to 225 mg 2011- June 2019

gabapentin 900mg, started around 2005, came off quickly Nov 2019.

valium 2mg when required for panic Sep-Nov 2019.

Ativan  1mg when required for anxiety 1st-30th Nov 2019.

Was addicted to valium in 1970s but came off it then, v.bad withdrawals.

Now

Lansoprazole 2/3 of 15mg.

Magnesium Citrate, 1/5 oz or 5 gms in water.

Fish oil 1000mg. upped to 2000mg Feb 2020.

 

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22 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

what are you nervous about, being alone at home? not having things to distract you?

since you've got time, maybe you can think of things to help mitigate those issues you're dreading.

 

I had an extremely hard time being alone, and I live alone, so that didn't help. I would always have a radio on or the TV if I could find some non triggering show (often hard to do) Many of us avoid watching or listening to the news, it's never any good and it's all about things we can't do anything about, so it's really all around awful if you ask me (even when we're not going thru something like this)

 

 

are you able to read or listen to audio books? maybe your favorite childhood book, something uplifting and happy?

if it's being alone that worries you, maybe you can make plans to spend time with friends. Even if you don't feel up to socializing, it can be so hard during WD, just being around ppl sometimes helps.

I would try  to find things were I didn't need to participate and where the people were likely to be friendly or at least neutral (so no political rallies or things of that nature!!)

like watching a movie together or a sporting event, a concert or a play....

some children's productions are esp enjoyable and help with the gloom- kids are always so "in the moment"

 

 

Hi H2H

 

Survivr by “engineering” reasons to be out. Also this-my version of anhedonia prevents TV, books, podcasts and the like.

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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Been back at work, struggling, as figured that was best place for me psychologically. Today, sudden massive deterioration in physical symptoms. Violent shaking, dizzy, shivering and sweating??? Is this another, completely different “wave”? How long will this go on for? Just about to leave work and organise Doc’s appt.

 

Thanks

 

Cymbalta 2007

Lyrica 2010

Venlafaxine 2010-2018

Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25)

CT 10 Sept 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019

Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019

CT 24  Nov 2019

Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only)

 

 

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