Deep despair, dread, doom, horror

[manymoretodays]

8 hours ago, Katy398 said:

Thank you @mstimc for your support.

I completely understand your thoughts on this  

It’s is weird though. I’m not really frightened of disasters which untouched would naturally presume I would be. 

I’m frightened of further hardship for my family. I’m frightened of my kids struggling in life,  not being able to cope with day to day challenges, I’m scared they will not find happiness and will not feel content.  I feel terrified for the future of my sons. Will they be happy? Will they find a partner that loves them?  Will they be able to earn a living wage? Where will they live when they leave home? How will they finance this? What will happen if they fall into financial/ emotional/ physical hardship ?  How will I support them? How will I cope with loneliness/old  age/ my partner getting ill? The list goes on. Actually I guess I’m scared my family will feel like I feel. These  are the things I can’t understand other people are not frightened of.

My heart goes out to all the traumatised families who have suffered from the bushfires here in Australia. Really though I never feel  scared of the fires reaching us.  I just feel  we have a plan to leave our house,  if it burns it burns, as long as we are all safe.  The unpredictable disasters don’t seem to scare me.  The things I can have an influence on but may get terribly wrong and can  make terrible mistakes with, really frighten me. Does that make sense? My confidence and self esteem is non existent and thus I don’t have the confidence for life really. What if we didn’t manage to equip our children for coping with life. 

It may sound dramatic and over the top, but it really is true. I’m stumbling from one transition in my day to the next. Just frightened I will get it wrong and make yet more mistakes in my life. 

Its exhausting I’m scared this is how the final phase of my life will be.  

 

Thanks again for your support @mstimc

This is by far the worst symptom for me that is if it is a symptom and not just me without drugs. 

 

Best wishes to all Kx

 

 

Hi Katy398,

Yes, some of this is neuroemotions,  the amplified feelings about just about everything. 

And plain old mindfulness helps as well.   Staying in the present, realizing that I am not in charge of the whole worlds outcome, gratitude, and the ability to begin to shift to a new perspective of seeing things.  Takes time and practice, it is work......yet can be done and then re-done as necessary. 

 

Have you considered working with a therapist, on the ground to help with non-drug coping skills?  For many that helps.  For others it seems to hinder.  I think it can take some time to find a therapist who is a good fit and understands.  So, I just thought I would mention.  Should I engage in therapy during withdrawal?  I though we had more discussions around that topic, but that's all I'm finding at the moment.  I find therapy to be really helpful now and it took me years and years to find one that was both affordable and whom I was comfortable being with.  One that I could be fully myself with, open and honest and all.

 

And oh my.......I have a son too.  He is doing A-okay, despite having lived through some of this with me.  Now 27 and taking care of himself, living with roomies, and working.  I still have hopes he will complete some higher education one day.  And his social has been difficult sometimes too......like mstimc's child.  I never could get him to join in much when he was younger though......sheesh, they have their own minds, don't they?   My point though........is that they grow up, in spite of us sometimes.........and most do seem to take the best of their parents along with them........into adulthood.  I mean I still do my best to be a good example to my SUN(son) and the parenting, doesn't stop.......it just changes as they grow into their own.

 

Okay......just sprinkling some sunshine and light on an otherwise gloomy topic.  Hoping none of the negative symptoms are non-stop and eternal for anyone!!!!!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[Katy398]

Thank you for your support @manymoretodays And @mstimc

 these  neuroemtions are by far the most challenging.  Mindfulness seems to help in the here and now. I need to work out how to use it whenever the neuroemotions occur.  I’ll discuss this with the Prescription drug .withdrawal counsellor. 

Thanks again Folks, sorry to pour my heart out,  it’s just  it’s too painful to keep in sometimes. 

K

[Katy398]

6 hours ago, Snorky said:

 

Been back at work, struggling, as figured that was best place for me psychologically. Today, sudden massive deterioration in physical symptoms. Violent shaking, dizzy, shivering and sweating??? Is this another, completely different “wave”? How long will this go on for? Just about to leave work and organise Doc’s appt.

 

Oh Snorky,

This sounds really challenging. Can you take some time off work sick? Let us know how you get on with the Dr. 

Even if you could just rest up for a few days. 

Take care thinking of you K

[Snorky]

6 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

Oh Snorky,

This sounds really challenging. Can you take some time off work sick? Let us know how you get on with the Dr. 

Even if you could just rest up for a few days. 

Take care thinking of you K

Thanks K

 

The timing of this blast of psychological symptoms couldn’t be worse. Being “home alone” is not a good place for me to be for reasons previously stated.

[Katy398]

Hi @Snorky I totally get this ‘ home alone’ fear. I didn’t take sick days last year for this very reason. I preferred to struggle into work than stay at home. I know exactly what you mean. I hope things ease for you soon. I really do. Kx

 

20 hours ago, Dragon said:

 

I too have felt and still feel, though not so often as before, that sense of being inadequate and unable to cope. I get frightened of everyday things, like how to get my head around technology ie phones, computers. It's as though I've been on the moon for 10 years(or more) and suddenly been dumped back here to an alien unknown world that I can't function in. Like Katy I feel everything is going to escalate into a disaster, and it will be my fault. I know that mstimc is right that things usually work out well in the end, and that is comforting, but my own feeling of uselessness in the here and now is causing me to dash around (mentally) in a panic trying to keep all the plates from falling to the floor and smashing.  I'm playing catch up with myself for all the things I missed doing (learning) whilst I was away on the moon (ie. on antidepressants). I think this is partly a withdrawal symptom, especially the panic, but it's partly a reflection of the reality of my having had had a numb unaware brain for years.

 

I also have a deep sadness and feeling of aloneness (can't think of a better word) and fear that I will spend a dreadful lonely old age, my husband will die and my children will be far away, I won't have any friends and on and on..........I know this is not what's really happening but in my head it is/will. I am sure this is a withdrawal symptom and that should help. Sometimes it doesn't...

 

@Dragon This could have been my post. my writing, my pattern. 

I love your moon analogy. 20 years ago I was desperate to change careers. Now after 20 years on the moon I’m stuck with no time to retrain. The ‘lost years’  is such a hard aspect of withdrawal to come to terms with. @Dragon I am so sorry you are going through this as well, but I feel so supported knowing you understand where I am at. I understand @manymoretodays And @mstimc but understanding the logistics related to my fear definitely does not stop them from attacking me and taking over my brain. My counsellor believes the more mindfulness I do after them, as soon as they pass, will help over time to lessen  them. They end with overwhelming tear.   So for me it’s easy to know when to start the mindfulness. I’m going to try anyway.  When Im not in the midst of an attack I actually find it’s fascinating that we both are fearful of, a lonely old age, with children far away or being home alone or making mistakes that will result in disasters.

I keep asking, what is happening in our brains to evoke identical thoughts? We are two complete strangers, who have lived completely different lives,  with different parentage, on the opposite sides of the world,  yet we have identical thoughts when stopping these drugs. Surely any scientist can see, the drugs are the only common denominator. 

Thanks @Dragon you really understand don’t you. 

Hang on in there. At the end of all this,  when these fears subside, I  feel like I will want to remind us of this strange phenomenon. How  could this be?

 

Take care Dragon thinking of you Kx

[Snorky]

1 hour ago, Katy398 said:

Hi @Snorky I totally get this ‘ home alone’ fear. I didn’t take sick days last year for this very reason. I preferred to struggle into work than stay at home. I know exactly what you mean. I hope things ease for you soon. I really do. Kx

 

@Dragon This could have been my post. my writing, my pattern. 

I love your moon analogy. 20 years ago I was desperate to change careers. Now after 20 years on the moon I’m stuck with no time to retrain. The ‘lost years’  is such a hard aspect of withdrawal to come to terms with. @Dragon I am so sorry you are going through this as well, but I feel so supported knowing you understand where I am at. I understand @manymoretodays And @mstimc but understanding the logistics related to my fear definitely does not stop them from attacking me and taking over my brain. My counsellor believes the more mindfulness I do after them, as soon as they pass, will help over time to lessen  them. They end with overwhelming tear.   So for me it’s easy to know when to start the mindfulness. I’m going to try anyway.  When Im not in the midst of an attack I actually find it’s fascinating that we both are fearful of, a lonely old age, with children far away or being home alone or making mistakes that will result in disasters.

I keep asking, what is happening in our brains to evoke identical thoughts? We are two complete strangers, who have lived completely different lives,  with different parentage, on the opposite sides of the world,  yet we have identical thoughts when stopping these drugs. Surely any scientist can see, the drugs are the only common denominator. 

Thanks @Dragon you really understand don’t you. 

Hang on in there. At the end of all this,  when these fears subside, I  feel like I will want to remind us of this strange phenomenon. How  could this be?

 

Take care Dragon thinking of you Kx

Hi Katy

 

I don’t think it’s as simple as home alone anxiety. I’ve dropped my son off at school and gone out. Unfortunately, the doom cloud and angst just as bad. The former hopefully self explanatory. The latter for me is 24/7 mental anguish. Like a pressure in head which prevents thinking, communicating, understanding and enjoyment. It comes with a restlessness that rules out any of the activities or distractions that you’d normally do to alleviate the symptoms. Like a double whammy.

 

Did you experience this?

 

Thank you.

[Snorky]

Also prevents sleeping, along with the insomnia.

[Katy398]

So sorry @Snorky I didn’t mean to simplify your symptoms. It was more using ‘Home alone fear’ as a generic label for all it entails. For me it’s invading fears of; What am I going to do with all this space and time? How am I going to get through this day? Look at all the jobs I need to do, will I be able to complete any? What if I don’t get them done? What if I spiral out into a meltdown on my own? Who will help me if I get in crisis? It could well be very different for you. Sorry if I misinterpreted your symptoms.

I do get the angst but less a pressure in my head and more a thick fog of chaos whirling in my head which prevents thinking communication, compression and pleasure. Again I say the neuroemotions are the most challenging for me.

I really hope you feel some relief soon. We will get through this,

I’m sure we will. 

Take care Kx

[SolarPlexus]

Hi. I am a new member to the forum and just came across this post. I realize I am late to the conversation but just in case this is helpful...I found the following two books relieving when existential anxiety hits. I listen to them both in audio book form: https://www.amazon.com/Theres-Spiritual-Solution-Every-Problem/dp/0060929707

and https://www.amazon.com/Seeds-Planted-Concrete-Bianca-Sparacino-ebook/dp/B018T5P912/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1QQ08PYNJZYKJ&keywords=seeds+planted+in+concrete&qid=1580388254&s=digital-text&sprefix=seeds+planted+%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C394&sr=1-1

Perhaps they could be of help to you. I wish you, and all of us, speedy healing.

[Snorky]

19 minutes ago, SolarPlexus said:

Hi. I am a new member to the forum and just came across this post. I realize I am late to the conversation but just in case this is helpful...I found the following two books relieving when existential anxiety hits. I listen to them both in audio book form: https://www.amazon.com/Theres-Spiritual-Solution-Every-Problem/dp/0060929707

and https://www.amazon.com/Seeds-Planted-Concrete-Bianca-Sparacino-ebook/dp/B018T5P912/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1QQ08PYNJZYKJ&keywords=seeds+planted+in+concrete&qid=1580388254&s=digital-text&sprefix=seeds+planted+%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C394&sr=1-1

Perhaps they could be of help to you. I wish you, and all of us, speedy healing.

 

45 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

So sorry @Snorky I didn’t mean to simplify your symptoms. It was more using ‘Home alone fear’ as a generic label for all it entails. For me it’s invading fears of; What am I going to do with all this space and time? How am I going to get through this day? Look at all the jobs I need to do, will I be able to complete any? What if I don’t get them done? What if I spiral out into a meltdown on my own? Who will help me if I get in crisis? It could well be very different for you. Sorry if I misinterpreted your symptoms.

I do get the angst but less a pressure in my head and more a thick fog of chaos whirling in my head which prevents thinking communication, compression and pleasure. Again I say the neuroemotions are the most challenging for me.

I really hope you feel some relief soon. We will get through this,

I’m sure we will. 

Take care Kx

Hi Both

 

Katy-sorry to hear about your long list of fears and anxieties. I hope you find a way to alleviate st least some. I’m so confused now, not even sure if I’m identifying depression and anxiety symptoms accurately. Don’t suppose it matters really, as one feeds the other, and both ends of the same spectrum. This morning I went to a peaceful field to walk, but it was a disaster. Weather mad field look v lonely and bleak. Neighbouring estate also empty as folk at work at that time. V lonely and depressing experience.

 

SP ditto. Many thanks for the links. Will go through these in detail.

 

Thank you both.

[SolarPlexus]

4 minutes ago, Snorky said:

 

Hi Both

 

Katy-sorry to hear about your long list of fears and anxieties. I hope you find a way to alleviate st least some. I’m so confused now, not even sure if I’m identifying depression and anxiety symptoms accurately. Don’t suppose it matters really, as one feeds the other, and both ends of the same spectrum. This morning I went to a peaceful field to walk, but it was a disaster. Weather mad field look v lonely and bleak. Neighbouring estate also empty as folk at work at that time. V lonely and depressing experience.

 

SP ditto. Many thanks for the links. Will go through these in detail.

 

Thank you both.

 

[SolarPlexus]

5 minutes ago, Snorky said:

 

Hi Both

 

Katy-sorry to hear about your long list of fears and anxieties. I hope you find a way to alleviate st least some. I’m so confused now, not even sure if I’m identifying depression and anxiety symptoms accurately. Don’t suppose it matters really, as one feeds the other, and both ends of the same spectrum. This morning I went to a peaceful field to walk, but it was a disaster. Weather mad field look v lonely and bleak. Neighbouring estate also empty as folk at work at that time. V lonely and depressing experience.

 

SP ditto. Many thanks for the links. Will go through these in detail.

 

Thank you both.

 

6 minutes ago, Snorky said:

 

Hi Both

 

Katy-sorry to hear about your long list of fears and anxieties. I hope you find a way to alleviate st least some. I’m so confused now, not even sure if I’m identifying depression and anxiety symptoms accurately. Don’t suppose it matters really, as one feeds the other, and both ends of the same spectrum. This morning I went to a peaceful field to walk, but it was a disaster. Weather mad field look v lonely and bleak. Neighbouring estate also empty as folk at work at that time. V lonely and depressing experience.

 

SP ditto. Many thanks for the links. Will go through these in detail.

 

Thank you both.

I hope they help. My very best wishes to you.

[Dragon]

 

6 hours ago, Katy398 said:

Hi @Snorky I totally get this ‘ home alone’ fear. I didn’t take sick days last year for this very reason. I preferred to struggle into work than stay at home. I know exactly what you mean. I hope things ease for you soon. I really do. Kx

 

@Dragon This could have been my post. my writing, my pattern. 

I love your moon analogy. 20 years ago I was desperate to change careers. Now after 20 years on the moon I’m stuck with no time to retrain. The ‘lost years’  is such a hard aspect of withdrawal to come to terms with. @Dragon I am so sorry you are going through this as well, but I feel so supported knowing you understand where I am at. I understand @manymoretodays And @mstimc but understanding the logistics related to my fear definitely does not stop them from attacking me and taking over my brain. My counsellor believes the more mindfulness I do after them, as soon as they pass, will help over time to lessen  them. They end with overwhelming tear.   So for me it’s easy to know when to start the mindfulness. I’m going to try anyway.  When Im not in the midst of an attack I actually find it’s fascinating that we both are fearful of, a lonely old age, with children far away or being home alone or making mistakes that will result in disasters.

I keep asking, what is happening in our brains to evoke identical thoughts? We are two complete strangers, who have lived completely different lives,  with different parentage, on the opposite sides of the world,  yet we have identical thoughts when stopping these drugs. Surely any scientist can see, the drugs are the only common denominator. 

Thanks @Dragon you really understand don’t you. 

Hang on in there. At the end of all this,  when these fears subside, I  feel like I will want to remind us of this strange phenomenon. How  could this be?

 

Take care Dragon thinking of you Kx

Hi Katy, I found this post of yours really comforting and helpful. Finding someone else who has the same feelings, cuts the pain down to a more manageable size somehow.

Yes, you would think the scientists should make the link to ADs, and I think they have. They just don't want to admit this catastrophic error.

 

Look after yourself, I too am thinking of you. Dx.

[Dragon]

I'm getting really desperate with the morning dreads, and finding the fear is making it difficult to function at all. My hands are shaking so much I can't drive my car safely, not that I feel able to go anywhere if I could drive....Somewhere on this thread @mstimcsaid something that his psychologist had said about this regret and doom being a sort of narcissism, a feeling that what you have done has a lot more effect than it really does. I found that really comforting, but it's almost getting too bad to be touched by logical thought.

 

Like @SnorkyI cannot differentiate between depression and anxiety and for me it doesn't matter. I think they are emotional responses not illnesses. Psychiatrists have made them into illnesses for the sake of their wallets. Either way they feel pretty dreadful and the doom laden dread feels worst of all just now.

[Snorky]

21 minutes ago, Dragon said:

I'm getting really desperate with the morning dreads, and finding the fear is making it difficult to function at all. My hands are shaking so much I can't drive my car safely, not that I feel able to go anywhere if I could drive....Somewhere on this thread @mstimcsaid something that his psychologist had said about this regret and doom being a sort of narcissism, a feeling that what you have done has a lot more effect than it really does. I found that really comforting, but it's almost getting too bad to be touched by logical thought.

 

Like @SnorkyI cannot differentiate between depression and anxiety and for me it doesn't matter. I think they are emotional responses not illnesses. Psychiatrists have made them into illnesses for the sake of their wallets. Either way they feel pretty dreadful and the doom laden dread feels worst of all just now.

Hi D

 

I think I make my situation more difficult by insisting on differentiating between categories of symptoms. Ie physical v mental, depression v anxiety v anhedonia v restlessness etc. It’s like I need to have that detail when explaining to medics. In my case the physical ones are violent shakes, painful nerve sensations and insomnia.

 

[Dragon]

Hi @SnorkyI've given up explaining to medics. I gave up on them when I was told to increase my venlafaxine when it wasn't "working" any more. I asked myself how much poison did they want me to take. Then I found this website and realised what was going on. It seems to me that they are part of the reason for the doom and dread we feel. They have made the whole world seem as though it can't be trusted, and that's real, but difficult to digest.

[Snorky]

14 minutes ago, Dragon said:

Hi @SnorkyI've given up explaining to medics. I gave up on them when I was told to increase my venlafaxine when it wasn't "working" any more. I asked myself how much poison did they want me to take. Then I found this website and realised what was going on. It seems to me that they are part of the reason for the doom and dread we feel. They have made the whole world seem as though it can't be trusted, and that's real, but difficult to digest.

Hi again D

 

You’re probably right.

[Felisbela]

On 1/29/2020 at 4:47 PM, manymoretodays said:

 

Hi Katy398,

Yes, some of this is neuroemotions,  the amplified feelings about just about everything. 

And plain old mindfulness helps as well.   Staying in the present, realizing that I am not in charge of the whole worlds outcome, gratitude, and the ability to begin to shift to a new perspective of seeing things.  Takes time and practice, it is work......yet can be done and then re-done as necessary. 

 

Have you considered working with a therapist, on the ground to help with non-drug coping skills?  For many that helps.  For others it seems to hinder.  I think it can take some time to find a therapist who is a good fit and understands.  So, I just thought I would mention.  Should I engage in therapy during withdrawal?  I though we had more discussions around that topic, but that's all I'm finding at the moment.  I find therapy to be really helpful now and it took me years and years to find one that was both affordable and whom I was comfortable being with.  One that I could be fully myself with, open and honest and all.

 

And oh my.......I have a son too.  He is doing A-okay, despite having lived through some of this with me.  Now 27 and taking care of himself, living with roomies, and working.  I still have hopes he will complete some higher education one day.  And his social has been difficult sometimes too......like mstimc's child.  I never could get him to join in much when he was younger though......sheesh, they have their own minds, don't they?   My point though........is that they grow up, in spite of us sometimes.........and most do seem to take the best of their parents along with them........into adulthood.  I mean I still do my best to be a good example to my SUN(son) and the parenting, doesn't stop.......it just changes as they grow into their own.

 

Okay......just sprinkling some sunshine and light on an otherwise gloomy topic.  Hoping none of the negative symptoms are non-stop and eternal for anyone!!!!!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Thank you for your support manymoredays

[Snorky]

30 minutes ago, Longestroadhome said:

Hi Snorky. I am sixteen months off all medications after CT from 2mg Lexapro. I can relate to a lot of what you have shared. The mind is a powerful thing. The statement, ‘peace of mind’ is an oxymoron because when we are in our mind we are seldom at peace. I have found that working on my mind, my thought life, has really helped me. Personally I have found watching Eckhart Tolle videos on YouTube very therapeutic. On bad days I would have him playing in the background constantly. Another one I enjoy is Byron Katie who gives practical advise on how to change your thought pattern.

 

The mind stores up memories ( stories) and is very good at playing on repeat. A negative situation can spark a string of associated thought patterns. It can also work in the opposite way. It is hard when you feel bad and have done for a while because the storage is mostly negative. I suggest finding something you enjoy that works a bit like meditation, for me that can be art but for others walking, knitting, swimming, reading. Anything that gives your mind a break from relentless thoughts. We can’t turn it off completely but we can quieten it. Then we can start working on the negatives and replacing them with positive thoughts.

 

i hope I haven’t confused you. It sounds wishy washy but it really does help 🙏❤️

Hi L

 

Thanks for your concern. To give you an indication of this. I was just watching a YouTube video of the Wars of the Roses. This is something I’ve watched and enjoyed many tines b4, one of the few things I’ve been able to watch despite this awful anhedonia/akathasia thing,  Now, for some weird reason, my mind reacts by producing a v unpleasant depressive/ anxiety feeling while watching. 

 

I cant cope with this. It’s like a double whammy, depression/anhedonia stuff but unable to watch something which would otherwise be supportive!!!

[gardenlady]

This indescribable doom, dread and terror has caused my personality to disintegrate completely and I've become someone whom others can't stand to be around.  I've driven everyone away and am unrecognizable from the person I used to be.  I no longer have any compassion, care or concern for anyone other than my own miserable self and I've turned into a mean-spirited, negative, critical mess.  I can't even stand myself.  Even my own siblings can't tolerate me anymore....my brother has cut me off completely and my sister avoids me like the plague.  All friends are gone and I'm completely alone.  It's terrifying that I've done this to myself.  I can't trust myself to be around anyone as I have no idea what cutting, hurtful and insulting things will come out of my mouth.  Any filter I once had is gone.  Is this permanent?  Will I ever be normal again?  I still have 2+ years of tapering to go and then who knows how many years of healing after that.  

[Snorky]

3 hours ago, gardenlady said:

This indescribable doom, dread and terror has caused my personality to disintegrate completely and I've become someone whom others can't stand to be around.  I've driven everyone away and am unrecognizable from the person I used to be.  I no longer have any compassion, care or concern for anyone other than my own miserable self and I've turned into a mean-spirited, negative, critical mess.  I can't even stand myself.  Even my own siblings can't tolerate me anymore....my brother has cut me off completely and my sister avoids me like the plague.  All friends are gone and I'm completely alone.  It's terrifying that I've done this to myself.  I can't trust myself to be around anyone as I have no idea what cutting, hurtful and insulting things will come out of my mouth.  Any filter I once had is gone.  Is this permanent?  Will I ever be normal again?  I still have 2+ years of tapering to go and then who knows how many years of healing after that.  

Hi G

 

These feelings and attitudes are so familiar. My husband keeps saying I go “ on and on and on, morning noon and night” etc. My son likewise, Whatever empathy they once had has now gone. I try distraction (meditation, 121 therapy etc), but my brain keeps bombarding me with these depressive and anxiety filled thoughts, and my reaction is obviously making it worse. I just don’t seem to be one who can “ change the channel”.

 

God bless you.

[mstimc]

10 hours ago, Snorky said:

Hi G

 

These feelings and attitudes are so familiar. My husband keeps saying I go “ on and on and on, morning noon and night” etc. My son likewise, Whatever empathy they once had has now gone. I try distraction (meditation, 121 therapy etc), but my brain keeps bombarding me with these depressive and anxiety filled thoughts, and my reaction is obviously making it worse. I just don’t seem to be one who can “ change the channel”.

 

God bless you.

 

 

13 hours ago, gardenlady said:

This indescribable doom, dread and terror has caused my personality to disintegrate completely and I've become someone whom others can't stand to be around.  I've driven everyone away and am unrecognizable from the person I used to be.  I no longer have any compassion, care or concern for anyone other than my own miserable self and I've turned into a mean-spirited, negative, critical mess.  I can't even stand myself.  Even my own siblings can't tolerate me anymore....my brother has cut me off completely and my sister avoids me like the plague.  All friends are gone and I'm completely alone.  It's terrifying that I've done this to myself.  I can't trust myself to be around anyone as I have no idea what cutting, hurtful and insulting things will come out of my mouth.  Any filter I once had is gone.  Is this permanent?  Will I ever be normal again?  I still have 2+ years of tapering to go and then who knows how many years of healing after that.  

 

10 hours ago, Snorky said:

Hi G

 

These feelings and attitudes are so familiar. My husband keeps saying I go “ on and on and on, morning noon and night” etc. My son likewise, Whatever empathy they once had has now gone. I try distraction (meditation, 121 therapy etc), but my brain keeps bombarding me with these depressive and anxiety filled thoughts, and my reaction is obviously making it worse. I just don’t seem to be one who can “ change the channel”.

 

God bless you.

 

That's the worst part of anxiety, depression, and WD.  They are selfish conditions that demand all of your attention all of the time, and anything you do or feel has to pass through their filters.  That's actually one of the things that made me determined to manage them.  I didn't want to lose my family, especially my young son, to the thoughts in my head.  It made me want to fight.

[Snorky]

4 minutes ago, mstimc said:

 

 

 

 

That's the worst part of anxiety, depression, and WD.  They are selfish conditions that demand all of your attention all of the time, and anything you do or feel has to pass through their filters.  That's actually one of the things that made me determined to manage them.  I didn't want to lose my family, especially my young son, to the thoughts in my head.  It made me want to fight.

Hi

 

How can you manage them, other than changing how channel etc?

[mstimc]

Just now, Snorky said:

Hi

 

How can you manage them, other than changing how channel etc?

Different things worked at different times.  Doing full-body focused relaxation, working from the toes to the head worked sometimes, as did listening to meditative audio.  I also tried a variety of CBT practices, such as friendly self-talk and reality checking.  Once I was able to manage the symptoms, even a little, I realized I was manufacturing my own negative thoughts, and it became progressively easier to manage them.

[Snorky]

3 minutes ago, mstimc said:

Different things worked at different times.  Doing full-body focused relaxation, working from the toes to the head worked sometimes, as did listening to meditative audio.  I also tried a variety of CBT practices, such as friendly self-talk and reality checking.  Once I was able to manage the symptoms, even a little, I realized I was manufacturing my own negative thoughts, and it became progressively easier to manage them.

Thanks. Sounds good. I already tick a few of those boxes, meditation, non drug therapy, gym etc. None of these has made any impression on the depression/anhedonia/restlessness type sensations. I also walked around a local park with my brother earlier today. V depressed and tense. I just don’t understand what’s going on or what I should do differently. Gets me thinking there’s a chemical basis to this.

 

Thanks 

[mstimc]

1 minute ago, Snorky said:

Thanks. Sounds good. I already tick a few of those boxes, meditation, non drug therapy, gym etc. None of these has made any impression on the depression/anhedonia/restlessness type sensations. I also walked around a local park with my brother earlier today. V depressed and tense. I just don’t understand what’s going on or what I should do differently. Gets me thinking there’s a chemical basis to this.

 

Thanks 

I don't know too much about physiology but as far as I know there's never been an empirical study proving the existence of a chemical imbalance as the root cause of  anxiety, depression, or most other mental or behavioral problems.  SSRI's and benzos introduce chemicals into the system that can change feelings but that's not the same as correcting an existing imbalance.  If you look at the warnings on most of these drugs, there's a disclaimer that says the "way xxxx works is not fully understood".  The mind is a powerful tool, and once its locked into a certain pattern of thinking, its titanically difficult to break its habitual thinking.

[Snorky]

3 minutes ago, mstimc said:

I don't know too much about physiology but as far as I know there's never been an empirical study proving the existence of a chemical imbalance as the root cause of  anxiety, depression, or most other mental or behavioral problems.  SSRI's and benzos introduce chemicals into the system that can change feelings but that's not the same as correcting an existing imbalance.  If you look at the warnings on most of these drugs, there's a disclaimer that says the "way xxxx works is not fully understood".  The mind is a powerful tool, and once its locked into a certain pattern of thinking, its titanically difficult to break its habitual thinking.

As you say, they may not “correct an existing imbalance”, but that doesn’t rule out negative chemical changes once they’re stopped. This would apply to 99% of situations presented on SA., so don’t get why mine should be so different or more resistant to healing via non drug techniques or just the passage of time. 

[mstimc]

21 minutes ago, Snorky said:

As you say, they may not “correct an existing imbalance”, but that doesn’t rule out negative chemical changes once they’re stopped. This would apply to 99% of situations presented on SA., so don’t get why mine should be so different or more resistant to healing via non drug techniques or just the passage of time. 

 

Habitual thinking--convincing yourself you'll never get better or your situation is worse than everyone else's is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Believe me, I fell into the same trap for quite a while.  The drugs do clear your system but you're still left with the habits of the mind,  and those can be mightily hard to break.  You need to give yourself permission to feel better--to break the belief that you're doomed to a life of negative thinking.  I know how hard it is to believe it can be that simple, but it really is.  As I said, the brain is so powerful it can create its own reality and lock itself in a prison of poisoned thinking.  In this case, its ok to break out of jail!

[Snorky]

12 minutes ago, mstimc said:

 

Habitual thinking--convincing yourself you'll never get better or your situation is worse than everyone else's is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Believe me, I fell into the same trap for quite a while.  The drugs do clear your system but you're still left with the habits of the mind,  and those can be mightily hard to break.  You need to give yourself permission to feel better--to break the belief that you're doomed to a life of negative thinking.  I know how hard it is to believe it can be that simple, but it really is.  As I said, the brain is so powerful it can create its own reality and lock itself in a prison of poisoned thinking.  In this case, its ok to break out of jail!

Thanks. I get that, to a degree with the depression and anxiety feelings. However, habits of the mind wouldn’t account for the psychological symptoms I’ve been experiencing during Amitriptyline WD. Specifically, Parkinson’s like head tremors and lots of nerve pain.

[Dragon]

Hi @Snorky. Why do you think your situation is different or more resistant to healing via non drug techniques or just the passage of time than others on the site ?

 

There is certainly no proof of a chemical imbalance causing feelings of anxiety or depression. However, whether antidepressants can cause a chemical imbalance in the brain is another question. My view is that they may well do. They seem to be causing some sort of damage. Maybe the psychological methods used by mstimc help with healing this imbalance. Nobody knows, but they're worth a try.

 

My own feelings of doom, dread and terror are so appalling that they feel as though they are taking over my whole life. It can make me very selfish. Something I don't want to be. I'm trying to dig out my fighting spirit.

[Snorky]

2 minutes ago, Dragon said:

Hi @Snorky. Why do you think your situation is different or more resistant to healing via non drug techniques or just the passage of time than others on the site ?

 

There is certainly no proof of a chemical imbalance causing feelings of anxiety or depression. However, whether antidepressants can cause a chemical imbalance in the brain is another question. My view is that they may well do. They seem to be causing some sort of damage. Maybe the psychological methods used by mstimc help with healing this imbalance. Nobody knows, but they're worth a try.

 

My own feelings of doom, dread and terror are so appalling that they feel as though they are taking over my whole life. It can make me very selfish. Something I don't want to be. I'm trying to dig out my fighting spirit.

Hi D 

 

Always good to speak to you. I’m sure the ADs cause some damage, but the harsh reality is that the symptoms 5 months into CT are ten times worse than when on ven or amitriptyline. I know the other techniques are worth a try and are engaging with as many of these as I physically can. I’m worried like you, by the both the severity and continuing deterioration of the symptoms.

[Junglechicken]

This is definitely something I have experienced off and on throughout the WD journey.

 

I think the low moods are closely linked to gut function.

 

For the last couple of months my gut hasn't been functioning properly, and my mood has been low as a result of that.

[Katy398]

1 hour ago, Junglechicken said:

 

I think the low moods are closely linked to gut function.

Absolutely. Most serotonin is produced in the gut so it makes sense.  I think repairing the gut is just as important as fish oil to repair our brain. 

If I hadn’t read it here I would not have believed it as a WD symptom. Just thought it was my stuff. 

Take care @Junglechicken

[Junglechicken]

1 hour ago, Katy398 said:

Absolutely. Most serotonin is produced in the gut so it makes sense.  I think repairing the gut is just as important as fish oil to repair our brain. 

If I hadn’t read it here I would not have believed it as a WD symptom. Just thought it was my stuff. 

Take care @Junglechicken

 

Mind you, who would feel upbeat and happy when their gut is painful, with gas, reflux etc., and food doesn't digest properly, lol?!?!

Take care @Katy398

 

[gardenlady]

Delete

[gardenlady]

On 2/26/2020 at 5:55 AM, Junglechicken said:

 

Mind you, who would feel upbeat and happy when their gut is painful, with gas, reflux etc., and food doesn't digest properly, lol?!?!

Take care @Katy398

 

   On 2/26/2020 at 3:56 AM,  Katy398 said: 

Absolutely. Most serotonin is produced in the gut so it makes sense.  I think repairing the gut is just as important as fish oil to repair our brain. 

If I hadn’t read it here I would not have believed it as a WD symptom. Just thought it was my stuff. 

Take care @Junglechicken

 

My gut is perfectly normal yet I still have this horrible symptom without windows or any let up.  It is not associated with gut dysfunction