gardenlady Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 I do wonder if the unremitting doom, dread and crush of impending existential doom will ever ease up. I've had it ever since I started tapering Cymbalta and it has never lessened....only worsened. And, now, added to that, I have extreme irritability, anger, impatience and a compulsion to correct people who don't think like I do. It's insane. I have a deranged drive to force friends to change their way of thinking about all sorts of topics. We all face this temptation, normally, but are able to rein ourselves in and not say inappropriate or rude things. However, thanks to Cymbalta withdrawal, I blurt out rude, hurtful comments to people I used to like but no longer do.....in fact, I don't like anyone anymore. The only way I can keep from making a spectacle of myself is to completely isolate and not talk to anyone, even on the phone. Does this hideous compulsion ever go away? I do wonder if my personality is permanently disfigured making me as repugnant to others as I am to myself. My personality has completely disintegrated with no shred of likability remaining. I am angry, hateful, fearful and unbearable to be around. How can one recover from this? I still have about 1 to 1.5 years left in my brutal, agonizing slow taper and who-knows-how-many years of healing after I'm off the drug. 2016-Aug-Prescribed 2 mg Ativan & 10 mg Ambien; Oct-c/o from 20 mg Lexapro to 60 mg Cymbalta; Nov-Dec-Tapered off 10 mg Ambien 2017-Jan-Feb c/o from 1.75 mg Ativan to 13 mg Valium & begin daily liquid micro taper; May-taper Cymbalta 60 mg to 48 mg with severe withdrawals. Begin 11 month Cymbalta hold. 2018-Jan 11 completed Valium taper; Apr-Resume Cymbalta taper. Interval dose progress: Apr 43 mg; May 40 mg; Jul 35 mg; Sep 29 mg; Dec 21 mg; 2019- Apr 14 mg; Jun 11 mg; Aug 9 mg; Oct 7 mg; Nov 6 mg 2020-Jan 5.2 mg; Feb 4.8 mg; Mar 4.3 mg; Apr 3.9 mg; May 3.5 mg; Jun 3.3 mg; Jul 2.9 mg; Aug 2.7 mg; 28 Sep 2.4 mg/12 beads; 25 Oct 2.2 mg/11 beads; 22 Nov 2.0 mg/10 beads; 20 Dec 1.8 mg/9 beads 2021- 17 Jan 1.6 mg/8 beads; 14 Feb 1.4 mg/7 beads; 18 Mar 1.2 mg/6 beads; 18 Apr 1.0 mg/5 beads; 16 May 0.8 mg/4 beads; 13 Jun 0.6 mg/3 beads; 11 Jul 0.5 mg/2 beads; 8 Aug .03 mg/1 bead; 5 Sep 0 mg. Brutal, agonizing, slow 4.5 year Cymbalta taper completed as of 5 Sep 2021. 100% psych drug free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted July 16, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 16, 2020 On 7/9/2020 at 12:44 PM, gardenlady said: I blurt out rude, hurtful comments to people I used to like but no longer do.....in fact, I don't like anyone anymore. The only way I can keep from making a spectacle of myself is to completely isolate and not talk to anyone, even on the phone. Does this hideous compulsion ever go away? I do wonder if my personality is permanently disfigured making me as repugnant to others as I am to myself. My personality has completely disintegrated with no shred of likability remaining. I am angry, hateful, fearful and unbearable to be around. How can one recover from this? Hi gardenlady, I went through a long stage like this too, and managed it by keeping away from other people as much as possible. During times when I had to be with people, the energy it took to control myself was overwhelming, it would exhaust me. I'm back to normal with regards to this, so from my experience I would say it's not permanent. You will recover from it over time, most likely in a windows and waves kind of pattern, like we recover from all the symptoms of nervous system disruption, drug damage and withdrawal. Be gentle with yourself, you are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation. Take care of yourself, you will get better, slowly, over time. 1 I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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