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what are your worst symptoms?


laineyk
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I will start with ANXIETY #1

 

2. trembling and shaking

 

3. off balanced, dizziness

 

4. headaches

 

5. head is like a big bowl of mush

 

6. sensitive to noise and sound

 

7. stomach distress

 

8. vision problems, dry eye

 

9. cant sit still, feel like I have to be moving at all times

 

10. neck & shoulder tension

2006-2012 50mgs zoloft
skipped doses every other day for a year and started having anxiety again in March 2012
back on at 50mgs Dec 2013
started taper from benzos April 2014 per Heather Ashton method (c/o from kpin to diazepam)
March 2015 started 1.25mg lorazepam
Tapered off Zoloft in May off in 4 weeks...5 weeks later crashing AGAIN. Dr wanted to start Gabapentin tried it 7 days
Symptoms :burning eyes, anxiety, pounding heart, dizzy, strange head feeling, internal shaking, Overall UNWELL
Taking lorazepam 1.25mg daily

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Anxiety

 

Specifically, in the big picture, the anxiety that others don't understand or empathize and that I've been cast out of society and am alone.

 

In the small picture -- moment to moment -- could be pain or light sensitivity or any of a hundred things.

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Insomnia, without a shadow of a doubt

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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Noise hypersensitivity. I've been on the verge of suicide so many times because of noise made me so mad...

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Copied & pasted from my introductory thread.

 

Anyway, about the symptoms. Things got slowly better since I stopped Duloxetine, but there are a couple of adverse effects that I can't get rid of:

 

- memory, cognition and concentration problems. From what I've read here, they're pretty common. It seems like they got worse since I started taking Depakin though. It's really frustrating because I feel like I'm "dumb". In some cases, I had difficulties remembering people's names, people that I know very well.

 

- obsessive behaviours and thoughts. This is really scary. Sometimes I can't stop doing certain things (like I can't stop surfing the web 'till I find what I was looking for, even if it takes many hours) or I have to be absolutely precise in certain tasks, even if they're trivial (like folding a tablecloth). While I've always been a "perfectionist" through my whole life, I can guarantee to you I've NEVER been compulsive in any shape or form, before stopping antidepressants.

 

- sense of derealization. This is the worst. It feels like sometimes I'm getting out of my mind, like I'm losing control over myself. Like I'm going crazy (sorry if the word seems to harsh, of course I don't want to offend anyone). Erratic thoughts flood in and I can't manage to stop them. This condition is often triggered by the previous ones.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A side note: I found an old thread where an user named Healing described his (or her) memory problems, and they're almost identical to mine:

 

I had a pretty good memory before meds, and even on meds. It got very scary a few months after my last dose, when people would say they had told me things, and I still couldn't remember even after they reminded me. IOW, there was no memory trace at all. That level of impairment improved steadily and is not an issue any more.

 

I also used to have a very good memory for vocabulary before meds. My "word-finding" got seriously impaired post taper. Very disturbing, and very odd. I could never find the words "toaster oven" in under 20 seconds. No matter how I practiced, and how often I used the words (often), I had to re-search for them every time, and other two word-phrases starting with "t" and "o" would come up instead. Word-finding has gotten much better, although I have waves of this still.

From 2001 to 2010, I took almost continuosly a host of different SSRIs , including Prozac, Celexa and Paxil, plus various benzodiazepines and Bupropion for a limited period of time.

 

From July 2010 to April 2012 >> Duloxetine, dose ranging from 60mg to 120mg.

 

From August 2012 to September 2012 >> reinstated 30 mg of Duloxetine

 

From September 2012 until present days >> Valproic Acid/Sodium Valproate, dose ranging from 300mg to 1000mg. Now I'm on 400mg. I've also taken Amisulpride (50mg) for 9 days and Abilify (10ml) only once.

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  • 3 months later...

I actually had this one shortly before an excessive dose of Cymbalta more or less forced me to withdrawal:

 

Derealization/Depersonalization~ It feels every second of every day like I am moving through a memory or a dream. Sometimes it scares the crap out of me to look in the mirror because I'm not quite sure who that person reflected back is. I know my name, who I'm supposed to be and all that, but it doesn't seem real. Throughout the day I will go through memories that I have of being connected...they seem more like they belong to a character in a book read long ago. Going on five months now just wishing that someday I will "wake up." I miss my life, and myself......

 

The reason behind its happening before my excessive dose and subsequent retraction leading to withdrawal is still unknown to me. I do wonder if it has something to do with my hasty withdrawal from Effexor and Depakote 7 or so months earlier? In any case, the withdrawals I am experiencing now just make it worse and more frightening.

1993: Diagnosed with "Depression" & "GAD, given Prozac
1994: Diagnosis changed to Bipolar II, Lithium added
1994-1997: Tried Wellbutrin and Zoloft
1997: Prescribed Effexor XR & Depakote ER
2012: Stopped Depakote, decreased dose of Effexor over the course of 2 or 3 months, used Prozac to help
2012: Stopped Prozac, began noticing disturbing symptoms after a few weeks of being antidepressant free.
late 2012: Prescribed Cymbalta
2013: Felt disconnected, disoriented, not "real".... Dr. recommended increasing the dose from 30mg to 60mg. Increased dosage was too much for my body/brain to handle....I had a very nasty reaction.

2014: Tried to go off Cymbalta. It did not work. I now take 15 beads.

2016: I take 3 beads daily...can't get off this crap. Obvious brain damage...most days I feel defeated and hopeless.

 

 

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  • 5 years later...

1. EXTREME fatigue/tiredness since waking up from bed till 2pm. It is so hellish

2. Having involuntary thoughts that never stop, or parts of songs that keep repeating, 24/7 365

3. Involuntary negative emotions

4. Very bad concentration, I have to read or listen anything a lot of times because my brain doesn't get it at the first time, extremely annoying

5. Strong and very annoying heart palpitations

6. Strong tinnitus

7. Internal tremors/involuntary movements/internal palpitations inside my head and body

8. Dry mouth, dry lips and dry throat.

9. Vertigo

10. I got very skinny

Nov/30/17 started quetiapine IR tablets 100mg 0-0-1. Dec/1/17 started pristiq (desvenlafaxine) 50mg tablets 1-0-0. Jan/14/18 started with 1.5mg melatonin 0-0-1

Tramadol: 2 year well done (slow and gradual) taper: from Mar/12/18 to Feb/11/20 

Pristiq taper: Jun/15/20 Converted from pristiq 50mg to efexor xr 75mg for 57 days (felt very good).  Aug/11/20 weaned to efexor 37.5mg and stayed there for 2 months with 26 days (felt very good). Nov/6/20  CT 0mg of efexor xr (felt very good).

Total time in tapering pristiq 50mg by converting to efexor xr 75mg: 4 months with 22 days: Jun/15/20 to Nov/6/20. (felt very good)

35 days  in efexor 0mg and in quetiapine 100mg (Nov/6/20 to Dic/11/20) to start tapering quetiapine (felt very good being without effexor and taking 100mg quetiapine)

Dic/11/20 weaned quetiapine from 100mg to 75mg, so 75mg from Dic/11/20 to Jan/4/21  25 days

Jan/5/21 weaned from 75mg to 50mg (1 day in 50mg). Jan/6/21 1st CT of quetiapine from 50mg to 0mg 

Between Jan/6/21 to Mar/24/21 tried different herbs. Feb/16/21 CT melatonin 1.5mg. Feb/22/21 Reinstated melatonin. Mar/1/21 CT melatonin. Mar/25/21 reinstated 100mg quetiapine. 

100mg quetiapine 19 days (Mar/25/21 - Apr/13/21) Felt very good while in quetiapine 100mg. 75mg quetiapine 55 days (Apr/14/21 - Jun/8/21) the only day that I felt bad while in 75mg was the 55th day (Jun/8/21) in which just for a few minutes felt hellish anxiety so I CT'd quetiapine for a 2nd time on Jun/9/21.

Jun/9/21 - Aug/8/21 tested 2 different cbd's and dosages. Aug/9/21 discovered the cbd and it's dosage that made me feel and sleep good. Aug/16/21 Felt very good (7th day of taking same cbd and same dosage). Aug/26/21 Felt even better (17th day of same cbd & dosage). Sep/9/21 Felt even better (31st day of same cbd & dosage). Sep/12-15/21 stopped taking ginkgo because it blocks cbd's antiepileptic effect and to let cbd heal back spasm which I've had it since many years ago but CT'ing quetiapine made back spasm pain worse (made me feel horrible not taking ginkgo). Sep/16/21 reinstated ginkgo. Had to wait for my body to stabilize and because of feeling very bad and impatient, I didn't wait for my body to stabilize so I started taking kalanchoe (herb for panic disorder and muscle relaxant) on Sep/19/21 and felt very good since the 1st day of taking it. I was feeling very good with cbd and kalanchoe. The only thing that was bothering me was the back spasm and because of being intolerable, I tried other herbs, changed kalanchoe's dosage and tried detox herbs (all of these changes made me feel horrible). Stopped taking the spasm and detox herbs and because of feeling horrible, reinstated quetiapine 75mg Nov/17/21, immediately after taking it, I had severe heart palpitations, so Nov/18/21 back to kalanchoe (herb) and cbd and no quetiapine. Kept feeling bad so Nov/20/21 reinstated 75mg quetiapine and stopped cbd & kalanchoe, Nov/20/21 or Nov/21/21 couldn't breathe for 5 seconds after taking quetiapine so Nov/23/21 started quetiapine 50mg. Nov/27/21 Felt hellish so at PM took a herb & cbd, didn't made me fall asleep so then reinstated 50mg quetiapine @6:45am of Nov/28/21 and REINSTATED/STARTED QUETIAPINE 50 MG @10 PM ON NOV/28/21. (STOPPED HERBS AND CBD). 

 

 

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1. Muscle spasms and weakness 

2. Shaking and tics/involuntary movements/hyperreflexia

3.  Joint dislocation, foot drop and hand drop on left side, clumsiness, dropping everything

4. Not feeling my body - it feels like I'm an aching head hovering in the air

5. Dizziness, headache and nausea/vomitiing, drooling

6. Constant tinnitus and hearing loss on one ear.

7. Thick, sticky mucus everywhere including skin

8. Itching all over

9 Sensitivity to light and sound

10. Insomnia

 

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1. Debilitating insomnia. Some sort of internal distress hits me at 10 p.m. and stays with me until 3 a.m., making me unable to fall asleep until 6 a.m. I do sleep enough, though, just at very wrong times. This has been going on for months now, if I was anything but a student my life would be ruined I'm pretty sure.

2. Memory/critical thinking doesn't work correctly, making me unable to study.

- March 2017: 50mg Sertraline starts

- August 2017: up to 100mg

- February 2018: down to 50mg

- November 2018: one-week taper down to 0mg

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