Mwjzz Introduction

[Mwjzz]

Hello all.

 

I stumbled across this forum one night when I was in extreme anxiety about tapering off of Cymbalta. Here's my story:

 

I have been on and off of antidepressants for 11 years. I was first put on Zoloft at age 15, for about two months. At the time I was smoking lots of pot, causing lots of problems at home, and pretty unhappy with life in general. Looking back, I think I was a normal 15 year old. Looking back, I think I may still need to work through some anger at the doctor who initially put me on these meds. After two months of the meds, I missed an appointment with the shrink one day. I probably was hanging out with friends, or forgot, I don't really remember. I do remember the doctor telling me that if I wasn't responsible enough to come to my appointments, I wasn't responsible enough to take these drugs, and he wouldn't write me another refill. I had my first experience with SSRI withdrawal the next two months, horrible depression, anxiety, sadness, and FEAR.

 

After that I started doing a lot more drugs and drinking to help medicate my symptoms. At first, just pot and drinking, but I found lots of other drugs that seemed to help me. At age 17 I had my first panic attack. I went to a doctor, and they put me on Paxil. It kind of helped through the day, but I would still get horrid anxiety attacks. My face and hands would go numb, I thought I was having a heart attack. I felt like I was watching a nightmare movie of my life. It was debilitating. I could not function. It was then I got my first prescription for Xanax. Which really helped. It helped me so much that I took a lot more than I was prescribed. The more the merrier! (being sarcastic, I would never suggest anyone take more than prescribed of benzos, they can be incredibly dangerous, and I thank God that I never overdosed)

 

I went to college at age 18 and started to find a lot more drugs that helped changed the way I felt... helped me not be so afraid. I just lived in this constant state of fear. I don't know why. I've had the most charmed and privileged little life a girl could ask for I think. I continued to take the Paxil and the Xanax, but I think their effectiveness was greatly reduced by the amounts of alcohol and street drugs I was consuming. When anxiety would creep in I would take up to 4x the amount of xanax prescribed, sometimes snorting it (horrible idea) which would most often lead to blackouts. I was okay with the blackouts because at least I couldn't remember feeling the anxiety.

 

One week after I turned twenty I checked myself into a drug and alcohol rehab. They took the Xanax prescription away from me. And detoxed me off of it by basically putting me on trazadone for two weeks. I was just knocked out while I withdrew from it. I had horrible anxiety attacks everyday. I was also withdrawing from alcohol dependency. I had to change the sheets twice a night, couldn't lie in bed without music blasting in my ears and large amounts of sedatives. I was so angry, so afraid, so anxious. I smoked a lot of cigaretted and drank a lot of coffee while I was awake, and loaded up on tranquilizers to sleep. The shrink at the rehab diagnosed me as bipolar. He said I was up and down and up and down, and probably bi-polar. He continued my Paxil prescription, added Lamictal, and added Buspar in place of Xanax. The Buspar did nothing for me and I stopped taking it in less than a month. After talking with my parents (godsends of support and love) as well as some people in AA who had been sober for awhile, I decided to see a new psychiatrist. He didn't think I was bipolar.I didn't either. He said 'ups and downs' are pretty normal when you are detoxing and withdrawing from Benzos and Alcohol (and all the other drugs I had been doing). He put me on Effexor instead of Paxil, just switched me over. I had a couple of withdrawal symptoms, but pretty mild. I was just glad to get off the Lamictal. It made me feel so numb and empty.

 

The Effexor starting to give me withdrawal symptoms by the evening, and I was having panic attacks every night. I started to see a new doctor, a psychiatrist who practiced talk therapy too. She had lots of experience with anxiety. She said the half life of Effexor was making me withdrawal from it every day. She put me on extended release Cymbalta instead of Effexor. Started at 30mg, then moved me up to 60mg. I moved back to 30mg after about a year. And I have been on 30mg of Cymbalta for about 4 years now. She taught me a lot of good meditation techniques, and helped me work through some of my fear issues.

 

I am now 26. I have been sober in AA for six years. I've cleaned my life up. I went back to college (I withdrew and lost my scholarship when I went to rehab) and graduated Summa Cum Laude. I have a wonderful career that I love. I absolutely love to go to work each morning. I moved for a relationship, that ended about 6 months ago, which was so ok, and so right for it to end. I had been forcing it for quite awhile. I moved home to be near my family, which has been so wonderful. I have never felt happier than I have in the past 6 months. In fact, I have felt like one of those annoyingly obnoxiously happy people. Like my life is so blessed, so charmed, and so easy. About 2 weeks ago I discovered I will no longer have health insurance. I talked to my doctor about how to taper off the Cymbalta. I feel like its a good time to do it. I'm happy. I feel safe. I feel supported. She suggested taking 1 every other day for 2 weeks, then 1 every 3 days for 2 weeks, then stopping all together. I am now on day 10 of one every other day.

 

I have had some withdrawal symptoms. The first: I am not so obnoxiously happy. I am still content with my life, there is still nothing wrong with it. The only thing wrong is how I feel. Mostly a mild sense of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Also the brain zaps, which are so familiar. I am so glad to read that other people have these. For years I thought I must have some kind of neurological ineptitude caused by years of drug and alcohol abuse. But it is the same zaps I got when I started having panic attacks, and when I stopped the Zoloft cold turkey, and when I started withdrawing from Effexor every day. Today when I have them I breathe, and move through it, knowing (hoping?) they will stop one day, one day not too far off, and not letting them stop my life dead in it's tracks. The anxiety is a little trickier. I am also a hypochondriac of sorts. I get these thoughts all the time: "I'm dying", "this will never stop", "no one likes you", "you've made a horrible decision", "you're crazy and need to be on this medication for the rest of your life". I think about 20% of my waking time is spent entertaining these thoughts. I've been trying to dialogue with myself I guess, talk back to these thoughts, say "thanks for the input, brain, but I'm ok! Im gonna be fine" It's really silly but it kind of helps. I've also felt dizzy and like I don't have my balance. sometimes when I stand up I almost fall over. But I always have been a little clumsy and uncoordinated.

 

When I first found this site I looked at the tapering thread and withdrawal symptoms, and got myself really spooked that I have totally messed up how I am tapering off, but I won't be able to afford any other way because of my insurance. I pray and I meditate and I journal a lot.Those help me stay focused, stay open, and moderately peaceful. I can't read too many of the 'horror' stories here because I get too freaked out. I think as I move further away from the drugs, I will be able to read more of them, and share my experiences.

 

I guess I just wanted to introduce myself here, and my story, instead of just cyber stalking all of you. I will keep everyone posted on what happens. I am really looking forward to being off of SSRIs and just living my life, whatever it may be, drug free. Finding people I can relate to and share experience with has been really important to me. I am glad I found this forum. I hope to be able to be a story of hope for some people in the future, and hope to read some other people's stories of hope on here. I'm nervous about moving to every three days this week, but I just keep trying to trust people. I trust my doctor a lot. She has really helped me. And I trust myself a lot (which is a new thing! ) so... I don't know if this is too long or personal. But just wanted to share. Thanks for any input any of you may have into my situation... my circumstances. And good luck to all of you!

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Mwjzz.

 

Did you read this topic about tapering Cymbalta http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/283-tips-for-tapering-off-cymbalta-duloxetine/

 

She suggested taking 1 every other day for 2 weeks, then 1 every 3 days for 2 weeks, then stopping all together. I am now on day 10 of one every other day.

Please don't do this. Alternating doses is a good way to elicit withdrawal symptoms. This causes the amount of drug in your bloodstream to vary, while your nervous system works best while stable.

 

Don't put your nervous system through the stress of withdrawal symptoms. They could last a long time after you're off the drug.

 

At the very least, open the Cymbalta capsule and count out half the beads each day instead. Please do this ASAP and let us know if your symptoms change.

 

That would still be a 50% decrease from 30mg. From 15mg, you may need to taper longer, by smaller amounts. Even though your health insurance is ending, try to get at least another prescription filled. If you get 60mg capsules, you'll be able to stretch them longer for a taper. Your doctor may understand if you explain this to her.

 

But it is the same zaps I got when I started having panic attacks, and when I stopped the Zoloft cold turkey, and when I started withdrawing from Effexor every day. Today when I have them I breathe, and move through it, knowing (hoping?) they will stop one day, one day not too far off, and not letting them stop my life dead in it's tracks.

It sounds like maybe your zaps and panic attacks were adverse drug reactions.

[dalsaan]

Hi Mwjzz

 

Welcome to the forum. You'll find people knowledgable and supportive. This site has been a god send for me.

 

 

I am concerned about the every other day strategy. This is basically throwing yourself in and out of withdrawal. Our brains and nervous system like stability, not chaos

 

The brain zaps are a sign that your system is in distress. If it was me, I would reinstate daily medication and drop by no more than 10 percent reduction.

 

When is your insurance running out?

 

Dalsaan

[Mwjzz]

Thank you both for your responses. I'm going to take the 30mg today and try to find empty capsules tomorrow to split into 15mg daily. My insurance has been cancelled retroactively to feb 1, so I can't get anymore. I do have more refills if needed, but I cannot afford the $300 out of pocket cost at this time. I have 24 pills left. Will keep you all informed. Thank you for your concerns and suggestions, I'm truly grateful!

[tezza]

Hi Mwjzz,

 

Eli Lilly offers Assistance Programs that may be able to help with your prescription cost.

 

Here is a link:

 

http://www.lillytruassist.com/Pages/index.aspx

 

Welcome to the forum,

 

Tezza

[Altostrata]

Mwjzz, there may come a point where paying for Cymbalta out of pocket is worth it to you. This place has good prices https://www.healthwarehouse.com/solr/result/?q=cymbalta

 

Let's see how you do on a half-dose of Cymbalta. If your withdrawal symptoms continue, think about Plan B: Switch to generic Prozac (or Effexor???). It's tricky, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1463-the-prozac-switch-or-bridging-with-prozac/

[Mwjzz]

Greetings:

 

Update: Last night I continued with my every other day. Today I got gelatin capsules and split the 30mg doses into two 15 mg doses each. Im going to try this (15mg day)for a month. Well, I'm going to try it a day at a time for a month. Then my plan is to go to 10, then 5, then off. Perhaps more slowly ... I could possible afford one out of pocket prescription, or even pay for half of it, since I wont really need the full month. I will literally see how I feel each day. Today has been a really good day. A little spacey, I had the pulsing in my brain once earlier while I was driving. But it wasnt too bad. Otherwise I've had some hot and cold flashes. But feel generally good, very content, and really glad to have this resource.

 

Thanks for all the links.

[tezza]

Mwjzz, there may come a point where paying for Cymbalta out of pocket is worth it to you.

 

 

 

I was thinking the same

[Mwjzz]

After two days of no skipping doses I am feeling much better. Last night was my first night of 15mg. I slept very well, and am feeling hopeful and well rested this morning. Looking forward to a good day. Still trying to be gentle with myself, eat well, move slowly, allow myself to move slowly. The anxiety is pretty much gone. I am still having some nausea but I think I got food poisoning Friday night at a Mongolian Grill. They're whole food storage system was just not right. Will keep you all posted on how things progress. Thank you so much to the moderators of this forum for a place where I feel like I can talk about this and get some good suggestions and support.

[tezza]

Please check into getting more Cymbalta so you can do a very slow taper. At least be prepared in case you need it.

 

After I cold turkeyed Risperdal for two weeks, and set off horrendous WD, I developed a tremendous fear of 'running out ' of it after I reinstated it.

 

Wish the best for you,

 

Tezza

[Mwjzz]

Greetings forum! Yesterday was a good day. Feeling much more stable moving from 30 mg every other day to 15mg every day. Very grateful for this suggestion. Am looking into getting another prescription in order to lengthen the taper. I thought I was having a panic attack last night, but I think it may have been hormones (it's that time of the month) my hypochondriac brain started to take off with it, so I put on a meditation track and practiced breathing and relaxing until I fell asleep. And I slept good. Just wanted to check in.

[tezza]

Hi Mwjzz,

 

Thank you for sharing your good news, so happy to know you're feeling better!

 

Alto knows her stuff, I always advise newcomers to follow her expert advice. I've learned a lot from her! I was in BAD shape when I found this site.

 

I've been tapering at a snail's pace for just over a year but its worth it. (Was tapering too fast before that)

 

I was relieved to read that you will taper slower than you'd planned, you won't regret it!

[Mwjzz]

Today I have had some anxiety! Not full blown panic attacks I think I managed to talk myself off the ledge before it escalated to that. I have a sore throat. I'd really prefer not to get sick right now, but am trying to find acceptance if that's the case. And taking Tylenol. I took some passionflower last night but I don't think I'm going to continue that.... I feel like my body is going through so much I don't need to add anything else. Just wanted to check in.

[Altostrata]

It may take you some time to stabilize on 15mg. And, you may find it's not enough, you need to go up a bit in dosage to compensate for the drop from 30mg to 15mg.

[Mwjzz]

Hello everyone. Wanted to check in... Things have been good. Still having low level mild anxiety, nothing really different than before I stopped the cymbalta. Feeling a lot better after stabilizing on 15 mg a day. Going to stay on this for at least 3 more weeks maybe longer. Also going to get one more 30 mg refill so I can extend the tapering off process

[Altostrata]

If you get 60mg, it will last even longer and probably not cost a lot more.