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Obsessive compulsive disorder or OCD: Repetitive intrusive thoughts, compulsive behaviors

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dunerbug

ADMIN NOTE The term "OCD" has become slang for normal preoccupations or unwelcome thoughts that keep on returning. Most of these situations are not true  Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) but nagging doubts or worries, or a self-sabotaging habit of mind that can be resolved. (Still, you might have gotten a drug prescription to treat this pseudo-OCD.)

 

Withdrawal symptoms can bring up intense, shocking thoughts and feelings out of nowhere and are unprecedented in the person's experience. Ordinarily, we dismiss these thoughts, but the neurological condition of withdrawal seems to exacerbate them or dredge up primal fears. These arise with withdrawal symptoms and fade in the recovery process. This is not true OCD. See Neuro-emotion

 

However, some people have repetitive intrusive thoughts or behaviors that existed before going on drugs, even from childhood. These can be very distressing, impairing the ability to conduct a normal life. This is true Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

 

Nobody on this site thinks any psychological disorders magically go away by going off psychiatric drugs. If you think the drugs are controlling certain symptoms, such as true OCD, you will need to learn to manage those symptoms without drugs.

 

Taking responsibility for your own health and behavior is key to going off psychiatric drugs. If you cannot do that, and the symptoms are hampering your life, perhaps tapering to the lowest effective dosage rather going off drugs should be your goal.

 

If you have a tendency towards obsessive anxiety about your health, no amount of reassurance from others here will have an effect on it. You must do the work yourself. Read Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms

 

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), other types of psycotherapy, and meditation are non-drug ways to manage habits of obsessive thinking. People also find their own effective self-treatments, such as taking up various sports or hobbies. See Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

SurvivingAntidepressants.org is not a general mental health support site. If you wish to talk about your obsessive preoccupations, you may wish to visit http://www.depressionforums.org/or other general mental health support sites, and post on SurvivingAntidepressants.org only when you have questions about tapering.

 


 

I would love to discuss this, as it has been one of my worst issues since I've weaned. I've struggled off and on with ocd since about 2000. Was on zoloft for a year when it first started. Was told at the time I had ppd/ocd. After that time period I'd spent many years managing it without the use of medication. Ocd became a little more bothersome after I'd learned of my husband's affair in 2009. Hello prozac. On it, things felt more calm but the issues were still there. kind of felt like they were paused. Like they were in waiting. I think the med made it feel like I didn't have to work on it because I had the buffer. It didn't bother me the way it should have. Still, it was there and I just sort of carried it around with me. The prozac numbed out the need to to truly work on it. I hope that made sense. It's kinda hard to explain. Now I'm here....in withdrawal. The ocd I'm experiencing now is so vastly different than the ocd of my past. It kind of makes a lot of what I'd once dealt with seem like a mere annoyance. (although the ppd was no picnic) (This must be the neuro-emotion that I've seen talked about here?) The ocd has become relentless. It really likes to focus on the things I love most. I would love to hear from those here that deal with obsessive thoughts and behaviors in withdrawal. How do you cope with them? What helps?

Edited by Altostrata
updated admin note

Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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Narcissus

Obsessive behaviors can differ so widely that maybe you should describe what in particular you're struggling with.


3 Years 150 mgs Effexor

2 month taper down to zero

3 terrible weeks at zero

Back up to 75 mgs

2 months at 75

6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.

3 month taper back to zero

1 HORRENDOUS week at zero

2 days back up to 37.5

3 days back up to 75

One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.

Back down to 75 mgs

At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

 

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

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dunerbug

For me it has been a lot of washing, cleaning and checking. I ask for reassurance A LOT! My hands become dry and cracked from washing them too much. I do not like crowded places for fear of getting bumped or brushed against. (wich causes anxiety/panic) My depth perception must be really off because things seem really close. I will be positive something was right near me only to have my husband tell me that it was really far away. It could just be that I was soo focused on it that It felt closer out of fear...? I dunno.

 

I struggle with intrusive thoughts that can consume mind to the point of not being able to focus on much else. My poor husband get's asked the same guestions over and over and over sometimes, til I can feel "ok" about it. It's very disrupting and difficult. It's very unlike the the struggles of my past.

 

Since weaning, it has become relentless.

 

I will say this, (and I hesitate to) that I have more days where it's not as bad.

 

I'm so hoping that it lessens more and more over time.

 

I've got some really great books on ocd and have sought help for it since weaning. I'ts just that the feelings are so intense since going off prozac. Some of the things I know I'm supposed to do or ways I'm supposed to think toward it, go right out the window during a particularly tough episode.


Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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antoinette

I have it terrible too. Obsessive thoughts and cleaning rituals. Thats my biggest complaint in wd. I did cbt therapy and it helped a ton. Your right it does center around what we love the most. I remember always having ocd but like ypu said just merely an annoyance, this is awful. It will pass too just like everything else. Just ride the wave and let the emotions come and go. Its a very scary thing to have and time consuming, i just keep myself busy, which sucks because i would.like to relax too but its not possible. Do you feel like that?


http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2895-antoinette-lexapro-withdrawal/page__p__31234__hl__antoinette__fromsearch__1#entry31234

 

Lexapro for 10 years

Cold turkeyed in April 2012

Reinstated and had severe adverse reaction in may of 2012

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dunerbug

I have it terrible too. Obsessive thoughts and cleaning rituals. Thats my biggest complaint in wd. I did cbt therapy and it helped a ton. Your right it does center around what we love the most. I remember always having ocd but like ypu said just merely an annoyance, this is awful. It will pass too just like everything else. Just ride the wave and let the emotions come and go. Its a very scary thing to have and time consuming, i just keep myself busy, which sucks because i would.like to relax too but its not possible. Do you feel like that?

 

I know what you mean. If I'm up and doing things during the day it's with a lot of anxiety and effort.

I just want to be able to sit with my family and watch a movie or something without terrible anxiety.

 

The only way I can relax is to be alone and holed up in my room.


Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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Barbarannamated

Dunerbug,

 

Your use of the term "paused" gave me pause. That is EXACTLY how i feel... as if my life was put on pause at age 33 and, now, at 50, I've completely lost who i am, my career, friends, and nearly 2 decades of life. A few times recently, when I stop to remember how old i am, my gut reaction is *early 30s*. Then reality hits. My body defintely is not early 30s, or 40s. :(

 

Sorry for the tangent.


Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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dunerbug

Dunerbug,

 

Your use of the term "paused" gave me pause. That is EXACTLY how i feel... as if my life was put on pause at age 33 and, now, at 50, I've completely lost who i am, my career, friends, and nearly 2 decades of life. A few times recently, when I stop to remember how old i am, my gut reaction is *early 30s*. Then reality hits. My body defintely is not early 30s, or 40s. :(

 

Sorry for the tangent.

 

Maybe that was part of why I wanted off of the med so bad. I wasn't getting "better" I was simply going on.

 

Part of the sadness I feel now is because of things I'm missing out on. I'm currently in my 30's and I feel so worn and broken sometimes.

I know that is very woe is me .... but really, I'm so thankful I found this site! I read in the success stories and it makes me feel better.

 

I know, in a lot of small ways, I'm improving....even if I can't always see it.


Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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dunerbug

I know that for a lot of us, this particular subject is really difficult to talk about. It carries a lot of shame with it because, often the subject matter of intrusive thoughts can be so repulsive and out of character.

 

I won't even get in to the depth of mine. I was told by my psych doc. that the subject matter of our ocd thoughts is irrelevant, as it is all treated the same way and all comes from the same place.


Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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antoinette

Thats exactly it dunerbug. I just want to relax with my kids. I feel like my life is passing by and i cant enjoy it. Did u have this before wd?


http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2895-antoinette-lexapro-withdrawal/page__p__31234__hl__antoinette__fromsearch__1#entry31234

 

Lexapro for 10 years

Cold turkeyed in April 2012

Reinstated and had severe adverse reaction in may of 2012

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Outshined

I developed OCD-like symptoms after withdrawal, I've never had them before. I like a lot the "flare-ups hypothesis" (I totally made up this name by myself :) ) pgd0308 gave in this thread :

 

The flare-ups tend to give our thoughts an urgent quality that they wouldn't have otherwise, and as our nervous systems heal I suspect that this will go away. The anxiety produced by withdrawal seems to often lead to obsessive and cyclical behavior, as 'normal' anxiety so often does.


From 2001 to 2010, I took almost continuosly a host of different SSRIs , including Prozac, Celexa and Paxil, plus various benzodiazepines and Bupropion for a limited period of time.

 

From July 2010 to April 2012 >> Duloxetine, dose ranging from 60mg to 120mg.

 

From August 2012 to September 2012 >> reinstated 30 mg of Duloxetine

 

From September 2012 until present days >> Valproic Acid/Sodium Valproate, dose ranging from 300mg to 1000mg. Now I'm on 400mg. I've also taken Amisulpride (50mg) for 9 days and Abilify (10ml) only once.

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Barbarannamated

For me, the perception of time is very different than when on Pristiq. Missed time, passed time during which i was not fully aware. I've called it a Rip van Winkle effect. Waking up and feeling as if others' lives have marched on and i was put on PAUSE in the 1990s but lost many things along the way to 2013. Leads to urgency to catch up, make decisions and changes.

 

I never had this prior to withdrawing.

 

Sorry... I'm repeating myself again. :(

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2319-urgency-to-reclaim-lifemake-up-for-lost-time/page__fromsearch__1


Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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dunerbug

For me, the perception of time is very different than when on Pristiq. Missed time, passed time during which i was not fully aware. I've called it a Rip van Winkle effect. Waking up and feeling as if others' lives have marched on and i was put on PAUSE in the 1990s but lost many things along the way to 2013. Leads to urgency to catch up, make decisions and changes.

 

I never had this prior to withdrawing.

 

Sorry... I'm repeating myself again. :(

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2319-urgency-to-reclaim-lifemake-up-for-lost-time/page__fromsearch__1

 

That's really interesting and I think I feel this in a sense. Sometimes I get panicky, thinking of how much time has been stolen from me.


Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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dunerbug

Thats exactly it dunerbug. I just want to relax with my kids. I feel like my life is passing by and i cant enjoy it. Did u have this before wd?

 

I have experienced ocd symptoms off and on for the past 12 years, so, I'm no stranger to it. It changed themes and what not. With the exception of PPD, it has been very manageable over the years.

 

The ocd I deal with now, since prozac, is vastly different. It is a relentless beast that I can't seem to get out from under at times. Between this, the depression and all the physical symptoms, I get pretty beaten down.

 

I hate, hate, hate, that I will inevitably be told that what I'm experiencing is a relapse by most doctors. Because I have had some ocd in my past, it makes a good case. But I know how my life was before all this mess.


Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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Earthworm

I did not have OCD before withdrawal started. I had social anxiety all my life though, which is a form of OCD as I've come to realize. The first simptom that appeared in withdrawal from Lexapro was OCD. Horrific intensity OCD that I never had before. It started with perfectionism, then checking and never feeling sure that I've closed or finished doing anything. Then I stopped driving because I constantly feel I ran someone over but didn't notice. I have so many obsessions now. Some other ones include the obsession of someone misunderstanding me and thinking that I was rude or mean to them when I really wasn't. I have some minor germ OCD and cleaning. What has been bothering me most all these years though is the perfectionism and religious OCD.

 

Ever since withdrawal started I've had OCD, thats almost 6 years now. I did start back on SSRI's a couple months after withdrawal started, and that did lower the OCD, but it is still terrible as I've described above. Without the SSRI's my OCD becomes unbearable 24/7/365 non stop horror in the brain that is unsurvivable.


-On SSRI since April 2006.
-December 2007: SSRI discontinuation and withdrawal start.
-February 2008: SSRI reinstatement... improvement, yet withdrawal symptoms remains to this day.
-Currently taking: 16mg Citalopram, 1mg Risperidone (for insomnia).
-Current issues: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), social anxiety disorder (SAD), insomnia, exaggerated physical symptoms of anxiety, muscle fatigue, weight gain, high prolactin/low testosterone

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antoinette

O god earthworm that sounds like me. Cbt has helped a ton and its getting better but i obsess over everything since i stopped lexapro. I hope to god mine doesnt last forever.


http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2895-antoinette-lexapro-withdrawal/page__p__31234__hl__antoinette__fromsearch__1#entry31234

 

Lexapro for 10 years

Cold turkeyed in April 2012

Reinstated and had severe adverse reaction in may of 2012

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Narcissus

I realize that phrases like OCD are used colloquially to describe certain behavior, but I just want to warn people about potentially diagnosing themselves with new disorders, especially when withdrawal symptoms are to blame. If you go, for instance, to a psychiatrist and start complaining about your newfound OCD you'll be pigeonholed and prescribed more medication almost immediately. And we know all know where that road ends. Just a word of caution.


3 Years 150 mgs Effexor

2 month taper down to zero

3 terrible weeks at zero

Back up to 75 mgs

2 months at 75

6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.

3 month taper back to zero

1 HORRENDOUS week at zero

2 days back up to 37.5

3 days back up to 75

One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.

Back down to 75 mgs

At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

 

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

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Jemima

I realize that phrases like OCD are used colloquially to describe certain behavior, but I just want to warn people about potentially diagnosing themselves with new disorders, especially when withdrawal symptoms are to blame. If you go, for instance, to a psychiatrist and start complaining about your newfound OCD you'll be pigeonholed and prescribed more medication almost immediately. And we know all know where that road ends. Just a word of caution.

 

Pgd makes a very good point. When Lexapro began to overstimulate me, I thank God that #1) I was getting my medication from my long-time PCP rather than a psychiatrist, and #2) I said the medication was too strong and making me hyperactive. I hate to think what might have happened if I had said 'manic' instead of "hyperactive".

 

I'm 67 years old and at this point in my life I find it's best to avoid doctors of any sort as much as possible. Medicine certainly isn't the helping profession that it was when I was a kid.


Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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dunerbug

I realize that phrases like OCD are used colloquially to describe certain behavior, but I just want to warn people about potentially diagnosing themselves with new disorders, especially when withdrawal symptoms are to blame. If you go, for instance, to a psychiatrist and start complaining about your newfound OCD you'll be pigeonholed and prescribed more medication almost immediately. And we know all know where that road ends. Just a word of caution.

 

It was recommended for me to get back on meds a few different times since the ocd worsened. I'm holding out because I didn't have ocd as horrific before prozac. This tells me something.


Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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Barbarannamated

I realize that phrases like OCD are used colloquially to describe certain behavior, but I just want to warn people about potentially diagnosing themselves with new disorders, especially when withdrawal symptoms are to blame. If you go, for instance, to a psychiatrist and start complaining about your newfound OCD you'll be pigeonholed and prescribed more medication almost immediately. And we know all know where that road ends. Just a word of caution.

 

Exactly. It astounds me how often i hear people, including kids, say "I'm depressed".

 

/back to original discussion.


Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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IndigoEarthling

I did not have OCD before withdrawal started. I had social anxiety all my life though, which is a form of OCD as I've come to realize. The first simptom that appeared in withdrawal from Lexapro was OCD. Horrific intensity OCD that I never had before. It started with perfectionism, then checking and never feeling sure that I've closed or finished doing anything. Then I stopped driving because I constantly feel I ran someone over but didn't notice. I have so many obsessions now. Some other ones include the obsession of someone misunderstanding me and thinking that I was rude or mean to them when I really wasn't. I have some minor germ OCD and cleaning. What has been bothering me most all these years though is the perfectionism and religious OCD.Ever since withdrawal started I've had OCD, thats almost 6 years now. I did start back on SSRI's a couple months after withdrawal started, and that did lower the OCD, but it is still terrible as I've described above. Without the SSRI's my OCD becomes unbearable 24/7/365 non stop horror in the brain that is unsurvivable.


Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

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IndigoEarthling

Earthworm- I'm 10 months cold turkey off citalopram and experiencing very similar obsessions with washing, cleaning, checking and making sure my dog is inside the house.

 

Did it ever get better or go away?


Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

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Wildflower0214

I have them about feeling guilty over things.

 

I have felt guilty about driving 5 miles over the speed limit, and have had thoughts of of turning myself into police. Ridiculous.

 

I also have them over many other things. It's only guilty feelings that are somehow connected to me being punished in some way for what I've done that bother me.

 

I have had intrusive thoughts about self-harm and harming others, and earlier in WD, I was able to recognize with help from a therapist that these thoughts were rooted in a fear of losing control. Now knowing that doesn't help as much as it did months ago.

 

I feel also like my conscience is overly active.... Like on steroids. I also have the religious aspect to it.

 

I know God does not accuse me. But, at a gut level when the thoughts happen, it often overiees this knowlege.


2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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Broken

Posted this on an OCD forum prior to PGAD which rendered me pretty useless. I was at one point pretty upbeat and tried to will those with OCD to help themselves by viewing their thoughts as that, just thoughts. It might help someone so I thought I'd post it here.

 

As I was saying...

 

The trick is NOT caring about the content of your thoughts no matter how abhorrent.

 

It's the only way to break free from OCD's grip. Difficult to do though when you feel that it's too significant to ignore. We're problem solvers, it's like we're trying to get all the sides of a rubix cube only the more we play with it the more convoluted and impossible it becomes.

 

Eventually we get bored and put it down, occasionally we'll pick it up only to loose interest in it.

 

It can remain unsolved forever and it matters not a jot.

 

Put down the rubix cube!

 

Incidentally I can only ever manage one side, ******* rubix cube!


December 2008 Prescribed 20mg citalopram (celexa) for depression and OCD.July 2013 stopped taking citalopram (celexa). November 2013 reinstated citalopram (celexa) following replapse at 20mg for 4 weeks, 40mg for 4 weeks and tapered off over 4 weeks as my condition had deteriorated. February 2014 started 20mg of fluoxetine (prozac). Didn't tolerate it and stopped 4 weeks later, experienced no withdrawal. May 2014 started 25mg of sertraline (zoloft), increased to 50mg after 1 week. Remained at 50mg for 4 weeks before increasing to 100mg at the request of my psychiatrist despite advising of suicidal ideation for an additional week before stopping. Advised to drop to 50mg for 3 days before withdrawing altogether. I did as advised and horrendous withdrawal ensued. 11th August 2014 commenced escitalopram (lexapro), weaned off end of October 2014. Commenced Clonazepam December 2014 0.5mg twice daily, switched to Diazepam 10mg twice daily with a view to tapering of the benzodiazepine altogether. Tapering schedule presently at a reduction of 1mg of Diazepam every 1-2 weeks depending upon side effects. So far experienced no severe physical side effects except worsening of PGAD symptoms upon reduction which does seem to improve within a few days of doing so. Presently taking no antidepressants however still experiencing mild agitation, severe depression and PGAD which is currently being treated by a physiotherapist.

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serena

Thank you, Broken!

Your rubix cube analogy really registered with me.

 

Serena


My daughter was prescribed venlafaxine and lamictal for migraines.

She tapered venlafaxine slowly for one year.

Now starting lamictal titration.  

100mg once a day.

Found the migraines were caused by gluten all along!

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hopefullyhopeful23

Has anyone had Zoloft or seroquel to trigger harm ocd. Or any type of ocd and repitive unwanted thoughts

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LoveandLight

Yes zoloft.


2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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hopefullyhopeful23

So this triggered you to have harm ocd? Even when off of it mine didn't appear until a few months after quitting zoloft

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LoveandLight

Sorry - repetitive suicidal thoughts. Reptitive thoughts of memories/flashbacks, loop of some song, or phrase, obsessive thinking but not harm OCD.


2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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IndigoEarthling

The OCD has gotten better in some regards, however it seems to have just been replaced with more general anxiety and depression.

 

Has anyone tried exposure ritual prevention therapy for contamination ocd?


Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

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Wildflower0214

Ok, this may be similar to OCD, or ruminations. But, since this whole WD has started I have been scared of myself because I have an idea of how nuts I am.

 

Like, I cannot watch anything scary on TV that is the least but violent. My mom watches crime shows, and I used to not be able to watch them because I would be afraid something like that would happen to me. Now, I'm scared I would end up doing something awful because I feel totally unstable.

 

Another example is when they had it on the news about that guy who killed the man from the American sniper story. I could not even be in the kitchen and hear the TV, because I started getting afraid that I could do something terrible like that.

 

And, the bad thing is, that when I try to talk myself out of this state of mind, my brain will attach to one event that proves that I MAY do something crazy and will use it as evidence against me. Like, I will be trying to overcome the fear of harming someone, and all of the sudden I will have a memory of an incident in traffic when I lived in NY, and that day I did want to smack that person. Of course, I didn't. But, just remembering the desire and anger then throws me into anxiety thinking I would actually hurt someone. :(

 

I don't know if any of this makes any sense or if anyone relates. I never thought about stuff like this before. If I did it was so minor that I don't remember it.


2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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mammaP

I don't think you would be a danger to anyone JDM, because you are aware of what you fear. People who lose control usually don't think they are wrong, they feel justified, if you get what I mean. You are the last person to cause harm to anyone!  The thoughts and fears that come as a result of drugs and withdrawal are very real and upsetting but they aren't you and will not last. Try not to take them seriously, I have got very good at sweeping them away and even laughing at them they are so ridiculous. Dwelling on them reinforces them and the fear is amplified. 

 

I know you will have seen it already but Alto's change the channel thread helped me to deal with my disturbing thoughts, but like you I can't watch anything violent. I used to watch the cop shows like CSI but can't watch them now, for me it is like I witnessed murder right here in my house and takes a long time to shake off the images, testing my change the channel techniques to the limit. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/846-change-the-channel-dealing-with-cognitive-symptoms/


**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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NoMeaning25

Wow I have this since the beginning of withdrawal, what is it called??


Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010

Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks

Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better.

Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION

Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012

Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill 

Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma

Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 

 

6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms

Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged 

 

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Wildflower0214

I have no idea what it's called. But, it is one of the worst symptons ever. I think it stems from a fear of losing control.


2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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Wildflower0214

I don't think you would be a danger to anyone JDM, because you are aware of what you fear. People who lose control usually don't think they are wrong, they feel justified, if you get what I mean. You are the last person to cause harm to anyone! The thoughts and fears that come as a result of drugs and withdrawal are very real and upsetting but they aren't you and will not last. Try not to take them seriously, I have got very good at sweeping them away and even laughing at them they are so ridiculous. Dwelling on them reinforces them and the fear is amplified.

 

I know you will have seen it already but Alto's change the channel thread helped me to deal with my disturbing thoughts, but like you I can't watch anything violent. I used to watch the cop shows like CSI but can't watch them now, for me it is like I witnessed murder right here in my house and takes a long time to shake off the images, testing my change the channel techniques to the limit.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/846-change-the-channel-dealing-with-cognitive-symptoms/

Thanks MammaP. :)

 

I need to learn how to change the channel. Lol I'm trying to learn. I feel like everything is a trigger and I have to be so vigilent about anything, or it sends me down the rabbit hole with this kind of anxiety.


2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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dalsaan

I think these drugs generate a loss of confidence in self. We see and experience ourselves in a different light and we ask who the hell am I. I agree that this leads to a strong sense that we have lost control (and therefore anything is possible). I think changing the channel is important but so is positive self talk and positive body language.

 

I love this talk on the power of body language. I think it helps feel in control and get back in touch with our body in a positive way. This, in turn helps to chase away the fear http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

 

Give it a go

 

D


Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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btdt

I agree the loss of confidence is a big problem I have it still I have a completely different take on the world and all the people in it now but mostly a different take on myself... how can I ever trust myself again... I think I wrote something about this once... more the confidence issue and seeing the world differently. 

 

As for the other... I don't watch things that put me on edge I found it a bad idea for a long long long time years I did not watch the news or any crime drama sort of tv ... I prefer not to watch any now.  I cannot stomach it.  Still at times things will hit me the wrong way and start a chain reaction of crap. It makes it difficult to live in the world as there are so many violent shows on ...even abuse of power or any sort of power issues freak me out now...even worse as I see doctors and what I have lived thru as abuse I do... and I do not care ...who see this doctors have power ... giving damaging drugs to people and hurting them for decades is abuse of power. in my mind. 

 

As for the trusting yourself not to do something outward that hurts others... for me this passed in time.. to know I have that in me as part of myself even in a wd or drug induced state is alarming as bf drugs there is no way in hell I would ever ever... think of such things.  After this experience I fear for and from others who may be taking these drugs and act on the effects to hurt others maybe me maybe some I love or maybe strangers and I think we see a lot of it already that is never talked about. Nobody holds the light up and says hey wait a minute that guy who just shot three cops for no reason was taking a drug or was in wd do you think we need to do something about that?  They don't join the dots cause they don't believe us and those who do join the dots are ignored as they are not walking the "party" line politically.  So the only people who listen to them are the collective "WE" here and others like us. 

 

For you personally... I will say this will pass as you heal till then lie low... and don't watch crap... negativity and crime on tv... it is bad enough to have to deal with this without the triggers. 

 

You know the first experience I had with this was in the 90s after I had the prozac hell... I did not have a converter for my tv and I would literally run to the tv to change the channel or turn it off when a scary movie commercial came on... at the time I thought it was just proof I was mad... wide open to poor more drugs into my body. 

 

It is all bs... and as you heal it will fade for me it took a long time... but it did end. 

 

Confidence and trusting yourself and the world after this is done is another story. 

peace to you JD

 

ps I tried the Ted link... did not connect with me.. wish it had been something that would help but nope


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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