needhope: i am in the horrible wave/window loop

[needhope]

Hello friends - First off thanks for having me here. I am a 45 yo male. I am in therapy for "social phobia" based on my lifelong fears, feelings of inadequacy, low self-worth/self-esteem, etc. In this condition I'm in I just can't handle the DBT process - this panic/anxiety I'm in, I just can't face it. As per my screen name I REALLY need some hope. This has been the hardest time (in acute terms) of my life. Please refer to my signature for my history with Antidepressants. If the title of this thread and my AD history is enough info to ask questions, here they are...(and if not please ask me for more info)

 

-Does anyone know a doctor in the Northeast (preferably close to Buffalo) who understands SSRI Withdrawal and will listen to me for more than 10 minutes before whipping out his prescription pad? I have been wanting to tough it out and stay off SSRI/SNRI's if possible and just get through this, but it is not getting better over time - seems to be getting worse in fact. I just know I can't go on like this.

 

-Like how? Insane anxiety that drives my depression to unthinkable levels...all my fears,defects,and inadequacies as I perceive them get multiplied by 100. If anyone has read the blog by James Heaney re: SSRI withdrawal, that is the most accurate description of how I feel that I have seen yet. The waves are scary horrible and become my reality that there is no talking me out of, even though the pattern is that there will eventually be a window, no matter how brief, where I can think a bit rationally again. But as I said this pattern seems to be progressing in the wrong direction...meaning it is not lessening with time but worsening.

 

-I am lucky enough to still be on a private disability ins even though I lost my job a while back for being out too long. But as far as health insurance I am on what they call Charity Care meaning I am covered at Kaleida facilities, which for me means Buffalo General Hospital where my mental health clinic is based out of. I really don't know what to do. Am I suicidal? In the worst waves, well, kind of. I think about it constantly but haven't made a plan. I think about causing my family grief and just can't, but if left just to me, no I don't want to live like this. But back to the point, what would/could the hospital even do for me? "Well you're not going to hurt yourself so just go home". Should I maybe consider going back on a small dose of Zoloft? Man if I did I would be so scared of an adverse effect I would want to be under observation.

 

Well I'm sorry to dump all of this on you all...I'm just desperate for help/advice. And if anyone did know of a good Dr. or clinic that deals with this kind of thing, insurance be damned I would find the money and do whatever it takes.

Edited March 8, 2013 by tezza
Added name to topic

[dunerbug]

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation.

 

Please don't give up. I know how difficult it is because I'm dealing with withdrawal myself.

 

You have found an excellent resource here.

[Meimeiquest]

Hi NeedHope,

 

There is a list somewhere of recommended professionals...someone will come along and tell you and me where it is. I honestly don't know of reasons to go into the hospital except to radically increase meds or to prevent harm to you and others. I haven't been, but most want to avoid that at all cost. But something has to change...I play a game with myself to see if I can guess what Alto will recommend . Until she comes along, take a walk if your weather is good enough. I unknowingly went off Cymbalta cold turkey...neither dr. nor I understood that is what changing drug classes would do. It was awful and I ended up on unnecessary drugs, but my life is mostly normal now. Just going off those drugs. Wishing you hope and peace, Meimeiquest

[laineyk]

All I can add is that you are NOT alone...I am feeling like you everyday & its miserable exsistence....I just got a buisness card from Dewey Meyer PhD, MD who totally goes holistic now his buisness is called Clear mind body institute.

 

problem is hes in Syracuse, NY but if you want I can PM you the phone # and he might be able to refer you to someone near you

[Nikki]

Zoloft - late 1997 to 2/2012 dosage 50-200mg., most time spent at 100mg

Cymbalta - 2/2012 until 12/2012 dosage 120mg. Self-titrated over approx 2 months.

Prozac - started on 20mg. 01/17/2013

started noticing increased anxiety after 1 week

01/29/2013 went into extreme panic fueled depression complete with suicidal thoughts

01/29/2013 stopped taking the Prozac but this rollercoaster of suicidal panicked depression

followed by brief periods of relative "remission" continues to this day and is getting harder and harder to bear.

 

INOH....all of us have been in your shoes probably more than a half-dozen times. It is a terrible state of desperation.

 

I pasted your history to be able to see it while I type. You went off of several drugs, recently in a short amount of time. Prozac is awful for anxiety because it can cause anxiety.

 

Suicidal, panicked depression...yes that is what happens. I live in the Southeast so I cannot recommend anyone. I would not tell anyone feeling this way to tough it out. It is taking alot out of you and you are suffering from it.

 

Did Zoloft or Cymbalta help you at all? The Prozac didn't. When I needed to overcome this, I was given a tricyclic (imipramine) which had a calming effect and greatly lessened the anxiety/depression. It did not numb me, it just helped me get a hold of myself to function.

Maybe and ssri is not what you need right now.

 

This is what aided me. Hang in there, more people will come along with other suggestions.

 

Nikki

[needhope]

Thank you everyone so much.

 

leineyk - yes please do PM. The only problem I see (well honestly you know I see a problem in every blade of grass right now) is that a holistic Mind-Body doc, awesome though they are, is going to tell me to take vitamin c and it'll be ok. But when you're so desperate and don't think you can make it a day let alone months getting over this you want something more...but that usually means DRUGS. This situation is a loop of horrors.

 

Meimeiquest - thank you for the comments regarding hospital...that is my fear also. But geez, you know, you like to think that when in desperate need the hospital can help. Maybe not in this case.

 

Nikki - Thank you! I jotted down the name of that tricyclic.

 

Thanks everyone, even if I didn't mention you by name. My little sister who has been keeping me alive for the last month or so is saying "Oh my what nice people! All those responses already?"

[Altostrata]

lainey, thanks for the information about Clear Mind. This was co-founded by Mark Foster (use search on this site to see more about him) and I'm positive the folks there know about tapering and withdrawal syndrome.

 

needhope, thanks for joining us. From your history, it looks like you went off an extremely high dosage of Cymbalta over 2 months ending in 12/12. My guess is you have Cymbalta withdrawal syndrome, and your adverse reaction to Prozac was because your system was sensitized by it.

 

There's a chance that a small dose of Cymbalta might reduce your withdrawal symptoms. If I were you, I'd try a slight reinstatement of Cymbalta, 6 beads for example. Because you're hypersensitive, a tiny dose might do a lot. If it helps, you might stay on it for several months to allow your nervous system to stabilize, then try very slowly tapering bead by bead over many months.

 

If you can't get Cymbalta, you might try perhaps 1mg or 2mg of Prozac. You can make a liquid to take this small a dose, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/759-tips-for-tapering-off-prozac-fluoxetine/

 

After a few days, if a tiny dose of either Cymbalta or Prozac makes your symptoms worse, I'd stop immediately.

 

I do not believe the Clear Mind folks will advise you any differently.

 

If you go to the hospital, it's highly likely they won't know what to do and will put you on high doses of multiple psychiatric drugs.

[needhope]

OMG Alto thank you so much. I think I can get some samples of Cymbalta - I'm definitely not brave enough to ever get near Prozac again. Couple ?'s while I have you (btw sorry this reply is tardy I don't seem to be getting notifications)...

 

-Are all the granules the same? Back when I titrated and halved the last few doses I seem to want to remember different colored beads(?)

 

-Do you think it will take the standard 2-4 weeks that AD's take to be effective for it to provide any relief? Please say no :-), but seriously either way, having a sense of hope would be priceless at this point.

 

MANY MANY MANY THANKS

[peggy]

hi needhope,

you may get some immediate benefit from the small reinstatement, but for me the time to feel good was always around 4 weeks.

[Altostrata]

The beads vary a bit, but with Cymbalta counting beads is all you can do.

 

Hopefully, you will feel a good effect very quickly, but it will take months for stabilization.

[tezza]

Hi needhope,

 

I agree with Peggy. When I reinstated my med, I did feel some small benefit right away but it took at least four weeks to feel better. When I say better, I'm not saying completely well.

 

It does vary from person to person, though. Some people feel much better in just a few days. There is definitely 'hope'! most of us here have been where you are. It will get better, so don't give up hope.

 

You have found the best group on the web. Alto is great and has done SO MUCH research in order to help others, like you and me.

 

Welcome to the forum!!!

 

Tezza

[needhope]

You all have been so great I could cry...well actually I AM crying. With hope I can live. Racing home to grab some granules and pray for best. And for the record I know this is friendly advice and no-one will be blamed for any adverse reaction and I am sooo grateful. Will keep you posted and please keep any helpful comments flowing.

[FeelingAlone]

When I'm going through the darkest days and feel trapped, I find one thing that makes me smile. Today, the thing that made me smile was that you found this support site! I hope it helps you as it is helping me find my way again...

[dalsaan]

Good luck to you. Hope you see some positive change soon and try and be gentle with yourself in terms of limiting stress, eating well, sleeping if you can and avoiding stimulants

 

There is hope

 

Dalsaan

[needhope]

Thank you Dalsaan and FeelingAlone(I read your post earlier which inspired me to reach out also). Those comments mean a lot.

 

I want to ask also just to be sure if all granules are the same size? I took 6 but they are seriously just bigger than pinheads, and each capsule must contain about 2 thousand of them! At least they were all white though :-)

[basildev]

Needhope,

 

I'm so sorry you're struggling so badly.

 

Try to take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.

 

We all want to be able to predict the future (a positive one) and it's so frustrating when we don't heal as quickly as we would like.

 

I really hope you feel better soon.

[needhope]

Thank you kind friend

[alexjuice]

Hi needhope,

 

I'm similar to you in that I struggled with a social phobia and was very anxious and avoidant around people. This led to a lot of isolation and finally I decided I needed to get 'help'. I talked to a therapist who didn't explain anxiety symptoms to me. We just talked. It was difficult to trust this fella but I was desperate. Eventually, I became more depressed because I felt defective and the isolating had gotten worse. I had no one to talk to either so I developed many negative beliefs about my value. The therapist I saw recommended a psychiatrist and I ended up taking lots of drugs. This turned out very poorly for me.

 

I was on Effexor and risperdal and my life had lost its value. I even attempted suicide. I decided to stop taking the effexor and risperdal and I came off them too fast and endured very difficult withdrawal. My major anxiety returned. I couldn't make eye contact or stop my voice was shaking when ordering a subway sandwhich. I felt like such a failure.

 

I didn't have this forum nor did I know of withdrawal support forums. So I was in a very dark place that was terribly frightening for me.

 

I'm so sorry that you are enduring this right now. It may seem like it will not end but it does end. I can assure you that you will not feel like this forever.

 

So hang in there. There is a lot of information about different approaches to symptoms in that sub-forum. And there are a lot of sympathetic folks here who have learned a lot and helped others to feel much better. I'm sorry you had to join us. But if you had to join us, then you joined the right place.

 

Hang in there!

 

Alex

[tezza]

Some people who are tapering granules or beads find they need a good set of scales at some point.

 

Here is a link that you may find helpful:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3526-a-good-quality-set-of-mini-scales

Edited March 8, 2013 by tezza
For some reason it was inserting the wrong link

[Nikki]

NOH...

 

Did the Cymbalta help you while you were on it?

 

Did the Zoloft help while you were on it?

 

The reason I am asking is because reinstating something that did not help may not be so good.

If either drug helped your anxiety and depression then reinstating one of them is a good idea.

 

I don't know how to take Cymbalta, Alto and a few other members here do.

 

I know with Zoloft you can start off at 25mgs.

 

with a tricyclic you can start as low as 10mgs.

 

So nice that your sister is there for you. That must be a comfort. Remember that you are not alone even if it feels that way. The people here truly understand what you are experiencing.

 

If you do decide to go to the hospital, you can explain that you do not want to be overly medicated. Arm yourself with information on medications. Tell them you want to keep it simple.

 

Many times upon hitting a wall, I felt like I had no choices. When I spoke to other people, like you are doing here, I found out that I had and have choices.

 

Hang in there

[peggy]

I just wanted to chime in here INOH and say, that even though we feel we are terribly alone when so desparate, there are many people that have gone before us and describe the journey that we are on. For some it is less rocky, it is not always pleasant and enjoyable but we need to remember that we will get through to the next window of sunshine.

[needhope]

Hi needhope,

 

I'm similar to you in that I struggled with a social phobia and was very anxious and avoidant around people. This led to a lot of isolation and finally I decided I needed to get 'help'. I talked to a therapist who didn't explain anxiety symptoms to me. We just talked. It was difficult to trust this fella but I was desperate. Eventually, I became more depressed because I felt defective and the isolating had gotten worse. I had no one to talk to either so I developed many negative beliefs about my value. The therapist I saw recommended a psychiatrist and I ended up taking lots of drugs. This turned out very poorly for me.

 

I was on Effexor and risperdal and my life had lost its value. I even attempted suicide. I decided to stop taking the effexor and risperdal and I came off them too fast and endured very difficult withdrawal. My major anxiety returned. I couldn't make eye contact or stop my voice was shaking when ordering a subway sandwhich. I felt like such a failure.

 

I didn't have this forum nor did I know of withdrawal support forums. So I was in a very dark place that was terribly frightening for me.

 

I'm so sorry that you are enduring this right now. It may seem like it will not end but it does end. I can assure you that you will not feel like this forever.

 

So hang in there. There is a lot of information about different approaches to symptoms in that sub-forum. And there are a lot of sympathetic folks here who have learned a lot and helped others to feel much better. I'm sorry you had to join us. But if you had to join us, then you joined the right place.

 

Hang in there!

 

Alex

 

Alex thank you so much for sharing that. Knowing what you have been through and that there are indeed similarities between us makes your assurance that things will get better really mean something to me

 

 

Some people who are tapering granules or beads find they need a good set of scales at some point.

 

Here is a link that you may find helpful:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3526-a-good-quality-set-of-mini-scales

 

Thanks tezza. I haven't checked the link yet - I will - I am wondering if all Cymbalta capsules have granules of the same size. It just seems weird that those six teeny tiny granules could actually do anything?

 

 

NOH...

 

Did the Cymbalta help you while you were on it?

 

Did the Zoloft help while you were on it?

 

The reason I am asking is because reinstating something that did not help may not be so good.

If either drug helped your anxiety and depression then reinstating one of them is a good idea.

 

I don't know how to take Cymbalta, Alto and a few other members here do.

 

I know with Zoloft you can start off at 25mgs.

 

with a tricyclic you can start as low as 10mgs.

 

So nice that your sister is there for you. That must be a comfort. Remember that you are not alone even if it feels that way. The people here truly understand what you are experiencing.

 

If you do decide to go to the hospital, you can explain that you do not want to be overly medicated. Arm yourself with information on medications. Tell them you want to keep it simple.

 

Many times upon hitting a wall, I felt like I had no choices. When I spoke to other people, like you are doing here, I found out that I had and have choices.

 

Hang in there

 

To be honest Nikki I wouldn't say I had good results from either. I think I was just not in such a bad place for all that time on the Zoloft. I was always depressed but was getting by and just stayed with it. It's hard to judge the Cymbalta - my life had taken a turn and I don't think anything had a chance. I think the logic points to taking tiny amounts of Cymbalta just to help with the withdrawal. Thank you for all of your advice and insights...and you are right about my sister - no amount of flowers and chocolate can ever make up for this

 

 

I just wanted to chime in here INOH and say, that even though we feel we are terribly alone when so desparate, there are many people that have gone before us and describe the journey that we are on. For some it is less rocky, it is not always pleasant and enjoyable but we need to remember that we will get through to the next window of sunshine.

 

Thanks peggy:)

 

I have been in a desperately needed window for the second half of the day and it is certainly because of you wonderful caring people and the hope, support, and direction regarding the meds themselves that you have provided. A half day's worth of peace and lucidity in the midst of this ordeal is something I can't put a price on.

[Altostrata]

You had a window a few hours after you took 6 beads? If so, that is promising.

[strawberry17]

needhope I can offer you a lot of hope as well. I've felt exactly how you're feeling in the past, and reinstatement always worked for me, plus a long slow taper.

It's looking promising already with your window this afternoon, long may it continue.

[needhope]

You had a window a few hours after you took 6 beads? If so, that is promising.

 

 

needhope I can offer you a lot of hope as well. I've felt exactly how you're feeling in the past, and reinstatement always worked for me, plus a long slow taper.

It's looking promising already with your window this afternoon, long may it continue.

 

Thank you both. I have to say though that the window actually opened up awhile before I got a chance to take the granules of Cymbalta. It was really the input from you guys/gals that provided me with some hope that got it started. But I did take them in late afternoon and was just going to post an update that I am still hanging in there and haven't plummeted into the depths of despair. I'm worried that it could happen at any second though because that has been the pattern, but I'm really trying to fight it and so far so good. I am a natural worrier though...something I need to work on in future drug-free therapy

 

I really want to get verification though that I am doing it right...6 teeny tiny granules once a day?

[peggy]

see how you go on the 6. you will probably have some see saw ups and downs - it isn't usually plain sailing.You may need to go up more to get complete relief but take it a day at a time.

 

keep a journal - this is vital because in the depths of it all you can forget to look at the detail - writing a journal helps you to look carefully inside at what is really happening instead of just listening to the noise of it all.

 

exercise if you are able. I too get horribly anxious and exercise helps me enormously. I try to do 20-30mins a day of getting my heart rate at least 75% above resting.

 

and finally, if you are able - meditate. GiaK posted some great download music that you can listen to whilst meditating.

[needhope]

Thanks for all the good advice peggy, it is all much appreciated :-). I do make sure I get at least some exercise every day...if I don't have what it takes to weight train then it's a good walk.I'm sure you know even that can be very tough when you're suffering. I can't seem to get ahold of meditation yet...when I'm berserk it just doesn't SEEM like it'll help. I'll try though. Thanks again.

[Jemima]

You could try just lying on your back with one hand on your stomach and breathing deeply and slowly. Pay attention to your breaths, but don't try to force them into any particular pattern. You could also count the breaths up to ten and start over, which is a basic Zen Buddhist technique I learned long ago.

 

I didn't sign on yesterday, so a belated welcome to the forum. As for your initial question about when to go to the hospital, I'm tempted to say never given that you'd likely just be loaded up with more damaging drugs. IMO, hospitalization is justified only when an individual is suicidal or homicidal.

[Rhiannon]

needhope I can offer you a lot of hope as well. I've felt exactly how you're feeling in the past, and reinstatement always worked for me, plus a long slow taper.

It's looking promising already with your window this afternoon, long may it continue.

 

Hey, pitching in late here but want to say: I have been there too. Where you don't know how you're going to get through the next hour, let alone the whole day, let alone--life. Believe me, we know.

 

It will take time, no doubt about it, but you're going to get better. Everything you describe sounds exactly like the general carnage caused by taking psych drugs, switching them around too fast, and too-fast withdrawal.

 

You are in the best support place on the Internet, and I know whereof I speak. You're in good hands. You're going to get through this and you're going to be okay.

 

I told my daughter the other day, I've progressed far enough in my taper and healing that my brain is working, and I finally do trust my thinking for the first time in many years, but I still don't trust my emotions, which are still often way out of proportion to the realities of my life. Try to develop the "observing I" with your feelings--notice your feelings, notice your self-talk, and try to notice how it waxes and wanes. Just notice it, label it, say "ah...there it is..." and let it go, when you can. Kind of like a meditation. Of course this is way easier said than done, but it's a practice that will prove useful to you, I promise.

 

Also, when you're ready, start a journal with a daily log of symptoms, ranking them on a numerical scale (say 1 to 5 or 1 to 10). You can also jot down notes about what you were feeling, what was happening in your life, whether you exercised or not, what you ate, et cetera, but the most important thing is to keep track of how the symptoms fluctuate up and down. This will make more sense to you later and will be very helpful when the time comes to taper.

 

You're going to be fine. Hang in there!

 

--Rhi

[needhope]

 

needhope I can offer you a lot of hope as well. I've felt exactly how you're feeling in the past, and reinstatement always worked for me, plus a long slow taper.

It's looking promising already with your window this afternoon, long may it continue.

 

Hey, pitching in late here but want to say: I have been there too. Where you don't know how you're going to get through the next hour, let alone the whole day, let alone--life. Believe me, we know.

 

It will take time, no doubt about it, but you're going to get better. Everything you describe sounds exactly like the general carnage caused by taking psych drugs, switching them around too fast, and too-fast withdrawal.

 

You are in the best support place on the Internet, and I know whereof I speak. You're in good hands. You're going to get through this and you're going to be okay.

 

I told my daughter the other day, I've progressed far enough in my taper and healing that my brain is working, and I finally do trust my thinking for the first time in many years, but I still don't trust my emotions, which are still often way out of proportion to the realities of my life. Try to develop the "observing I" with your feelings--notice your feelings, notice your self-talk, and try to notice how it waxes and wanes. Just notice it, label it, say "ah...there it is..." and let it go, when you can. Kind of like a meditation. Of course this is way easier said than done, but it's a practice that will prove useful to you, I promise.

 

Also, when you're ready, start a journal with a daily log of symptoms, ranking them on a numerical scale (say 1 to 5 or 1 to 10). You can also jot down notes about what you were feeling, what was happening in your life, whether you exercised or not, what you ate, et cetera, but the most important thing is to keep track of how the symptoms fluctuate up and down. This will make more sense to you later and will be very helpful when the time comes to taper.

 

You're going to be fine. Hang in there!

 

--Rhi

 

No you're not pitching in late at all...I'm glad you posted, as this HAS to keep going for me to keep hope. So thank you from my heart.

 

Everyone has been so kind, telling me you can do it, you WILL get better, there is hope. But really how is one supposed to survive that long in this condition? I'm so confused. I first have to trust with my sick brain that this is really the reason for the way I feel. Then, when I am - as you said - struggling to survive hour to hour, I have to face the daunting schedule for healing!! I need pdoc support to fill out disability paperwork. Can I find a pdoc to do that while accepting my wishes for no meds? Will the ins company even pay disability for someone who won't take meds? If a pdoc says going back on something, say Zoloft, which I tolerated in the past, will make me feel good as new again, can I resist? Should I? Will I get approved for SSDI when this private disability policy runs out? The thought of not only trying to find a job (with little skills, training, or valuable experience since I never felt adequate enough to apply myself to anything) but feeling well enough to perform it terrifies me.

 

BTW I am back in a bad wave in case it wasn't obvious to everyone. In a window I can think "hey I can get a job, I'll find something to support myself, it'll be ok, I can live out my remaining years in relative peace". That went byebye. Yesterday afternoon I felt it coming on while taking a nice walk in a park on a sunny day...makes no sense. And I fought it harder than I ever have but it still comes. I went to see friends and stay occupied and not just ruminate but it's just unstoppable.

 

Also I am now officially looking for new providers - pdoc at minimum, plus whatever counseling and therapy I need. Friday afternoon I officially broke ties with the free clinic I was going to thru my Charity Care program and Buffalo General Hospital. My therapist was NOT a nice person and we never gelled. She was attempting to treat her social phobia diagnosis of me with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) but I could just not do it in this condition - it was making me even more hopeless and depressed. I asked if we could take a break while I got whatever is wrong in my brain figured out. She said no, my appts with the pdoc would be cancelled also, and that was that. But that is one of the things that actually helped open my window Friday - I felt paroled! But now it has me very nervous.

 

Anyway to all you good people I don't expect answers to all my hyper rambling questions above - I was just venting. Just really don't feel well.

[Meimeiquest]

I don't know the answers to your questions...I have taken drugs in the past to avoid finding out the answers. I wonder if some of the success stories might encourage you...there is a forum for those, I think. One woman lived in a homeless shelter at one point..lbut she has her life back now. There is also a new book out called Death Grip that might encourage you. I'm thinking you can guess the origin of the title! I am pretty new to this, but I think it is partly the struggle to free ourselves of the drugs that prepares us to live without them. Like the hatching of a chick.

[dunerbug]

I wish I had more to contribute, but just wanted to chime in and say hang in there. you are fighting the good fight.

[needhope]

Please forgive me if these are naive questions...

 

- would taking a .5mg Klonopin at the toughest of times be a terrible mistake at this point? My best friend's wife gave me some because she can see how I am suffering. I've only taken 3 of them in the last month at the most desperate of times and they seemed to calm me down a little, but I don't want to do anything counterproductive.

 

- I feel very fortunate that I have usually been able to fall asleep on my own even when I've had a bad wave of a day...maybe it's because the extreme stress it puts me through is ultimately exhausting (also my sister reads to me in her soothing voice sometimes when I'm really suffering - I know, I have a lot to be thankful for in the midst of this crap). But there are often times I could use help also, so do any of you think it's ok to take something to help get to sleep? My options are the aforementioned Klonopin, Ambien I was recently prescribed, and Seroquel I have laying around that a previous quack prescribed for anxiety (was prescribed a massive dose of 200mg, although 50mg Seroquel has historically been more effective for getting to sleep - maybe I could try 25mg). I know Seroquel is a heavy-hitting brain drug. I'm just asking...like I said I'm naive and you all know a lot more about this syndrome. Also FYI if I get to sleep on my own when I'm in a wave I usually wake up around 4 hrs later and there's no getting back to sleep unless I nibble a half or a third of an Ambien...bad practice?

 

MANY THANKS

[strawberry17]

Umm yes, this provoked an interesting discussion elsewhere on this site, here's the link:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3855-sleep-wonderful-sleep/

 

That thread is well worth a read as there are many useful links within it for help with sleep, and GiaK posted a blog about this as well: http://beyondmeds.com/2013/02/24/dogma-anti-meds/

 

 

At the risk of being flamed by others,there are times when it's really desperate and you gotta do what you gotta do to get through, whilst being extremely careful not to slide down the slippery slope. I will admit to using the occaisional tamezapam in a crisis, I get one script a year from my doctor (14 tablets) and use extremely judiciously, better if you can manage without though because it is a slippery slope.

 

Your sister sounds absolutely lovley, I wish she could come and read to me, I love listening to someone read a book or a play on the radio.

[peggy]

hi needhope - remember the road up is not an even trajectory - it has many ups and downs. It's so hard for me to get my head around this when I am in a trough and then when i am on the top again i forget that it may go down again - it's hard to imagine either way when you are in the opposite.

 

one thing stood out to me - you said

 

Yesterday afternoon I felt it coming on while taking a nice walk in a park on a sunny day...makes no sense. And I fought it harder than I ever have but it still comes. I

 

That is what i do too (and probably most people) - however my therapist always tells me to not fight it - just acknowledge it and let it be there. This time around for me (i have just had to updose in my taper as i hit a rough patch) i have been a little more successful in letting it be there - not fighting it, just acknowledging it and not focusing on it - trying to see that i CAN work around the bad feelings. Also, and this is just as hard - don't hang onto the good feelings when they come - acknowledge them, enjoy them, don't hang on. I think it sets up the 'this is good and that is bad' judgement - even though that may be true, it is what is at the time and the judgement doesn't change or help it.

[Edted]

Dear Needhope:

I'm a laymen so I guess the "this Isn't medical advice which could only be provided by a medical professional" disclaimer is understood, but I did want to comment on your question about taking Seroquel to sleep. From what I know of that antipsychotic, its only sleep inducing quality comes from its hit on the histamine receptors. If an anti-histamine is what you should take (I have no opinion on that), a Benadryl would do the same thing without subjecting you to all the other nastiness in Seroquel. I don't post often, but like many others (I'm sure) who may not be posting, we join with those who are, in holding you in our hearts. The hope you will find here is not wishful thinking. It comes from people who have been where you are and found the way(s) back. I look forward to reading of your improvements as they come.

Be better,

Ed