The Pursuit of Happiness

[Nikki]

Honestly I don't know what to do for myself or about myself anymore.

 

Happiness is something that I can't seem to find or when I do have it, keep it going.

The majority of the time I am worried, fearful and lack happiness. As you know I wake up like this.

 

What on earth is the answer or path? I know that I get in my own way, and there are the same old issues that I have not changed and need to.

 

I do get panic attacks. Had one while logging onto the site and I observed it. That made it go away.

 

I have lots of friends who genuinely seem to be happy. There are things they have in common.

 

They are married and have nice spouses.

They are financially solvent.

They have a firm belief and trust in a Higher Power.

They have time and money to pursue traveling.

 

They do have troubles that come along, but they seem so much better able to cope and bounce back.

 

Yesterday I didn't have any work. No clients and no TJMaxx and I was out of my mind. Depressed. I had to have work done on my car for a recall and I had to put in some money and that bugged me alot.

 

Money is a biggy. I think I have some type of PTSD from losing my job and trying to find my way back to security. I think this is a biggy.

 

Can we talk about the Pursuit of Happiness...

[Jemima]

Happiness is something that can't be directly pursued, IMO. It's a bi-product of other things you do with your life. Sitting around wondering if you're happy and how happy or unhappy you are seems like a good way to get depressed. At least, that's how it works for me.

 

Money never made anyone happy. It may relieve some pressure or buy some things you want, but the relief and pleasure don't last long. Those friends of yours who appear to be financially secure may be for now (and may be up to their ears in debt, but no one talks about that), but I'd bet they've been through some hard times, too.

[Nikki]

Jemima do you consider yourself to be happy most of the time? I hear that happiness is an inside job.

 

Like you said I think it has alot to do with being a bi-product of things we do.

 

Hugs

[Corey]

Hi There

 

I think I might be able to shed some light on this topic as it was something that changed my direction in life for the better.

 

1st point

 

I'd always hated school and felt it was like a factory without a paycheck. I was always failing, not paying attention in class and getting into trouble with all my teachers for not focusing.

I could never figure this out until I watched a TED video entitled "schools kills creativity", Sir Ken Robinson was the speaker. After listening to all his stories and explaining why and how schools kill creativity, I burst into tears of joy!!! Why??? because of a simple quote he said during his speech. "Some people need to move to think" It was as if I'd been struck by lighting.

From this point on, I started to focus on work which allowed me to be on my feet more which felt amazing.

 

2nd Point

 

1 more Ted video entitled "The 8 traits of successful people", speaker-Richard St. John.

He said these quotes in order:

 

Passion – Successful people find what they love to do, though this may take a long time for many.

Work – Successful work very hard; however, because they love the work, it’s fun.

Focus – Successful people focus long-term efforts on just one thing.

Push – Successful people overcome barriers like shyness and self-doubt and push themselves beyond normal expectations.

Ideas – Developing ideas to solve problems and take advantage of opportunities is a hallmark of the successful person.

Improve – Successful people aim to do their best by constant practice and learning from mistakes.

Serve – Offer others something of value, think about others, work on their behalf.

Persist – Success does not come instantly but comes over time and by working through failure, mistakes, criticism, rejection, and adversity.

 

Summary-By understanding how we learn best and combining it with what we love to do, not matter what the hobby, activity or job. This seems to lead to finding our purpose in life and a sense of self fullfillment. Though easier said than done I can assure you. But finally in 43 years I know my direction and can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I know I still have alot of underlying mental issues to deal with but, by being able to focus on these two points to the best of my ability, I know I'm going to make it one day and so can you

 

My dream: To become a international keynote speaker to discuss the critical importance of the 2 points that I'd never knew or been taught.

 

Please take care always and try to find that one thing you love the most and do it, no matter what anyone says. It's inside us all, I promise...

Wish you could see the tears running down my face, thank you hypersensitivity!!!

[Jemima]

Jemima do you consider yourself to be happy most of the time? I hear that happiness is an inside job.

 

Like you said I think it has alot to do with being a bi-product of things we do.

 

Hugs

 

No, I don't consider myself happy most of the time right now, although I've gone through long periods of being satisfied and content with my life in previous years.

 

I'm recovering from the double-whammy of retiring and spending my first year+ of retirement in withdrawal. It's only in the past few months that I've been able to feel any pleasure at all, so it's been very difficult to find what I love and do it, as Corey says. The ideas he posted are very valuable, but it's a lot harder to be passionate about an interest or goal when one doesn't feel passionate about anything, except maybe an anxiety attack.

 

Things are improving slowly, though. I actually had a very good time at soup kitchen last night, joking with staff, volunteers, and clients, one of the very first few times I've been able to spontaneously say something witty and laugh along.

[Nikki]

Hi Corey

 

How thoughtful of you to send me that post. I will have to give it a second read to let it seep in. The one thing I love to do the most? I really don't know.

 

I do know that like you, I am better off on my feet and moving.

 

Alot of flying objects hitting me in the last few years.

 

Than you again.

 

Nikki

[Nikki]

Yesterday my daughter sat down with me and showed me a Pie Graph....she said she did some research and wanted to figure things out without the use of AD's.  She was on imipramine and got off last year and does not want to take meds.

 

Her time and thoughts that went into this were to help me and her.She is doing very well in all areas (just getting IC under control again)

 

If you can picture a circle:

 

50% of the circle/graph represents people who are and are not predisposed to Depression/Anxiety.  For example how can a sheep Herder with 10 children be happy and the millionaire on Palm Beach not be?  Just and example.  Why do we have anxiety and others don't.

 

10% of the graph represents Superficial things which we chase and focus on more than most things.  Money, status,jobs, careers, cars, the house, etc.  Even though this is only 10% it is where alot of the angst or unhappiness comes from.

 

Remaining 40% is Activity, Hobbies, Passions, and areas in our lives which "I" and not following which elevates endorphins, dopamine, and ssri which leads to more happiness and joy.

 

My daughter asked me:  Are you happy when  you play with out dog - yes.  Do you dance - no  Do you sing - no  Do you go to the movies - no   Do  you exercise no

 

What was the last thing that you remember that was fun and the memory of the fun lingered?

 

"when we went to see George Carlin"  I laughed for a week straight after that."

 

Is this kid amazing or what

 

She told me that she wants us to commit to practicing living in the 40%, no excuses.  She is going to pick out things for us to do to get those endorphins going and keep her. myself and her boyfriend out of a rut.

 

This was very eye opening for me and I am grateful to have her in my life.  I must have done something right

[Aria]

The psyche drugs caused me to fear the unknown and to be terrified of being alone. Off drugs I enjoy my "me" time and staying busy reading, petting the silly cat, cooking complicated desserts and now planting my flower garden. I've posted about my insomnia but as I'm writing this I feel my life is OK and much better than it was years ago.

[Nikki]

Aria this is so true.  I had to stop my taper due to taking Cipro and there is a world of difference in how I feel.  They do play a large role in how we feel and what we see.

 

There are voids in my life.  Self imposed?  I guess so.

 

"if I weren't so afraid, what would I do with my life?"