success ☼ Hudgens's story

[Hudgens]

It started May 6th at night, a few hours after going to bed. The second half of yesterday was better, and I slept well last night with no real anxiety. Felt pretty good this morning, but now the anxiety is coming on again, not too bad, though. Not sure if I could call it a pattern yet.

[Altostrata]

What's useful is identifying patterns with at least 2 occurrences. Keep notes and let us know.

[Hudgens]

Absolutely, Thanks.

 

Strange to say, the 2 Tylenol and hot bath worked two days in a row. I feel fine now. More and more I'm finding out that my symptoms (even when they're very bad) if not completely, are at least to some extent vulnerable to different things like Tylenol, hot baths, walking, reading, abdominal breathing, mindfulness tecniques. In the past, this hasn't been the case-- it was more like these kinds of things were just something to keep me occupied until the symptom(s) left.

 

So, even though the symptoms seem as bad as ever-this could be a sign that they are weakening over time. That would be wonderful in itself. Hudgens

[Hudgens]

4-5 hours sleep last night. Mild anxiety off and on during night. Still there in the morning, but felt fine during the day from noon until about 830 pm, when flu-like symptom appeared and continued to worsen until right now. I'm going to give it another hour to go away and then, if it doesn't, take 2 tylenol. It seems to be lowering my mood, too-which otherwise has been up all day.

[Hudgens]

Not a good night last night-several bad dreams and lots of anxiety and dizziness. Surprising, since, as I said, I'd had a very good day the day before.

 

I woke up with anxiety this morning and it stayed all day. Now I also feel very weak.

 

I don't usually have two bad nights in a row, so I'll most likely be alright tonight.

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful night's rest, Hudgens

[Hudgens]

An uneventful night's rest last night, grateful for that. I also got about 5 hours sleep, very good. Today was not too bad either-alot of mild anxiety, with several intervals of an hour or two with virtually no symptoms. Got this and that done. Got in a nice walk. Ate some fairly healthy foods. Very pleased after such a rough day yesterday. Feeling pretty good at bedtime. To book and bed, an uneventful night to all. Hudgens

[Hudgens]

Some confusion upon almost first falling to sleep last night, lasted a few minutes. A good night's sleep after that.

 

Mild anxiety in morning, gone by about 1pm, then felt very normal rest of day up until now, 11:22 pm.

 

A good day. Hudgens

[Hudgens]

Today was exactly like yesterday. Although I didn't get as much sleep last night as the night before. It took half of the day to shake off the sleepy feeling.

[Narcissus]

Glad to hear you're having some okay days, Hudgens.

[Hudgens]

Thanks Narcissus. Yesterday and today, so far, I still feel pretty good. Although I've been irritable lately. I slept very well last night-a peaceful 6-7 hours. Getting a lot done, but finding it hard not to over do it a little. I immediately get involved in more outside activities-I mean in just the course of a week of feeling better. Being around other people makes me feel better-but withdrawal doesn't care about any of that. Anyway, I don't want to unsettle things because I'm thinking about making another drop soon. Hope you're having a good day, Hudgens

[Hudgens]

Another good day. A good night's sleep last night, 5-6 hours. I'm surprised my insomnia is finally starting to ease, I've had it for almost nine months now and was getting used to it as normal. Had some irritability for the last few days, though. If things could only stay this way, but I know they can't. Feel good right now though, and got a lot done this week.

[areyouthere]

Just dropping by to root you on H. I'm glad that you are moving forward and have a chance to enjoy some productive days with diminished wd symptoms.

 

This is a true journey we are all on and we each experience getting better in different ways but yet have a lot in common. For example... finding our own way(s) to combat symptoms is an individual exploration/ experimentation and discovery but with determination we find it.

 

And then things change and we again search and find what works.

 

And finally... we all eventually get better; In our own way, on our own time/ rate , but we get there. That is the common thread that holds us all together... success. I'll get there, you'll get there and together we help by boosting one another during the difficult times and celebrating the good times, no matter how short... sometimes only minutes but those are IMPORTANT minutes! ehhh!

?) ...

 

Onward ho..

 

RU

[Hudgens]

Thank you very much, Areyououthere, that means a lot to me. Today I had mild to moderate anxiety all day and a slightly lowered mood. I don't know why, but I didn't experience the usual disappointment from a bad day coming on the heels of several good ones. And it didn't stop me from going to several social events--even when I wasn't feeling good at all, and just going through the motions-I still felt much better than I would have if I'd stayed home and taken it easy. Besides, many times today in the middle of some conversation, I even forgot I was having a bad day.

 

The anxiety is easing now toward bedtime.

 

Hope your day was a good one, Hudgens

[areyouthere]

Yes I had a good day H. Less stamina than I would like ( took a late afternoon nap) but slowly I am getting that back. Very slowly.

 

I too find that once in awhile when I get myself to a social gathering I can enjoy some of it. I still am not where I would like to be but again, just as with the stamina I am grateful for what I am granted. I have been in a much worse place and sometimes I revisit that same place but it is with much less frequency and that is progress. I'll take it!!!

 

Wishing you well!!

 

RU

[Hudgens]

My right eye is twitching this morning-not just the eye lid, but the whole eye, making tiny little jumps. This is a brand new withdrawal symptom. It calms down when I close my eyes, so it has something to do with light. Hope it is episodic as are all the other symptoms so far. I'd hate to have this for days on end.

 

What next? Hudgens

[Hudgens]

A strange day, twitching eye stopped suddenly at 3 PM. Then depression began around 430, this got bad by 8PM, then changed to anxiety which may now just be beginning to ease, 1119PM. Can't call this a good day.

Yesterday wasn't too good either. The only thing I can say was good about the last two days was the peaceful night's sleep in between them. I still got things done today, and am looking forward to reading a good book before sleep. And at least my mood is back up to where it ought to be, I was feeling pretty low there for a few hours.

[Hudgens]

Another good night's sleep, and another progressively bad day. Not too bad until early afternoon, then anxiety that builds over the next couple of hours. Anxiety turns into flu-like symptom (body aches) Lowered blood pressure (99/66). Flu-which started about 7PM gets worse until 930PM when it suddenly stops. Right now I'm just back to mild anxiety, which itself seems to be easing, (blood pressure back to usual 115/77). Hoping for another restful night, but realizing that that doesn't garantee

a good day. Don't know why the Cortisol is hitting me so hard in the evening for the last three days, but, there it is. A good night's rest to everyone, Hudgens

[Narcissus]

Don't know why the Cortisol is hitting me so hard in the evening for the last three days, but, there it is.

I found that during my acute withdrawal phase my cortisol/anxiety attacks would shift every few days to a different time of day, so you're not alone. Things will settle down.

[Hudgens]

Thanks, I hope so, this was another bad day. 4 hrs sleep (not too bad), but then anxiety in the AM becoming flu-like symptom in early afternoon, lifting for 1 and a half hours around 3PM--then coming back and worsening for several hrs.. Easing a little now, as usual, at bedtime. I also wake up with anxiety 2-3 times a night, but this goes away each time so that I can get back to sleep.

 

So this wave-with several hours of relief each day-has lasted 4 days now. I'm stuck at my current ammount for almost 3 months. Anyway the confusion I was getting upon falling to sleep has disappeared for now. No depression either-just anxiety and flu, classic WD symptoms. A peaceful night to everyone, Hudgens

[Hudgens]

A good day after 4 bad. Slept very well last night, a little anxiety this morning, but gone by 11 AM and for the rest of the day. No other symptoms other than a few short periods of brain fog. If tomorrow's good too, I'll be able to say the good days are beginning to out number the bad. For example, I had 7 good days just before the recent 4 bad days. A quiet, restful night to everyone, Hudgens

[Hudgens]

Thusrday, the 23rd was not a good day, but the last two were. In fact I feel absolutely normal today, I mean normal as in before ever taking an antidepressant normal. Just amazing. Sleeping better lately, that's probably part of it.

Hudgens

[Hudgens]

Another good day, although I had to short periods of anxiety (each about 30 minutes). I slept 5-6 hours last night, which is great for me these days. So this is my 3rd good day in a row. a few more and I can still say I'm getting more good days than bad since about the middle of April. A peacful night to everyone, Hudgens

[Hudgens]

Monday, Tuesday and today (so far), feeling pretty good. Some mild anxiety-usually during the night, but nothing bad, really. This is my 6th good day in a row. Starting to think about making a drop soon, maybe June 1st if things remain settled. That would put me at .22 mgs.. My good days out number my bad, and even the bad are fairly manageable these days. I'm very lucky. I believe therapy (individual and group) has helped a lot.

[Hudgens]

Wednesday, another good day. Some very manageable anxiety in morning and late afternoon, also pretty irritable most of day. I feel very good right now at bedtime (1025 pm). I guess I can call this my 7th pretty good day in a row-lots of hours feeling normal, and a few short lived problems, but nothing too bad.

[Hudgens]

30 and 31st not too bad, In fact today I didn't have any WD symptoms at all. Still waking with anxiety several times during the night, but it goes away within a half hour.

 

Went in to NYC for the afternoon/evening. Perfect weather. Very tired, off to bed.

[Hudgens]

Saturday and Sunday were almost symptom free, and I didn't wake up either night with anxiety, and no anxiety upon waking in the morning either, very good. A real window. I feel like I'm finally settling down at my current dose.

I feel so completely normal for hours at a time lately. I'm even sleeping better. It's wonderful. And at times like this, all the awful (beyond awful) experiences of the past nine months immediately begin to almost evaporate. I find it easy to not think about them, and to get more and more back into regular life. Regular, but it all seems so much better. Going to be difficult to make the next drop, knowing that it could all get bad again for a while.

[areyouthere]

Going to be difficult to make the next drop, knowing that it could all get bad again for a while.

 

My theory on this is to just hold longer. #1) It gives you a peaceful / joyful time to love your life #2) I believe the longer you let your brain heal & time to adjust the EASIER the next cut will be.

 

I have found that #1) gives me hope and happiness #2) is true.

 

Just a thought.

 

RU

ps. VERY glad that you are turning the corner in a taper. There is no better feeling. Good for you. This spells success in my view.

[Hudgens]

Yeah, I'm waiting until the middle of the month for a drop. Still doing well. Sleeping better and mostly living a normal life.

[Hudgens]

Today was half and half. First half good, second half 3 hrs of moderate anxiety followed by lightheadedness from about 8 pm until now. Nothing too bad though, my mood's been good all day, and I got a lot done. As a matter of fact, I feel the lightheadedness lifting. 

[areyouthere]

YAY to your last two posts!!! Hold and then hold!!!!       New smileys!!!!!  RU

[Hudgens]

Felling good last couple of days and today so far. Some anxiety here and there, but all manageable. Sleeping much better lately. Eating a lot of bad foods. That's another sign that I'm feeling like my old self. Gaining weight, too. Planning things weeks in the future without so much fear that I'll be feeling too awful to do them. No depression for a long time. All good.

[Meimeiquest]

I love your updates. The full story of a patient (character, not sick person) withdrawal. Glad things are going so well.

[Hudgens]

A pretty good 5-6 hours sleep last night-only woke up once and no anxiety during the night or waking up. Some irritability today. No other WD symptoms and feeling good at bedtime. This is the longest I've ever waited before making a drop, about three months.

[Hudgens]

Another good day, a good night's sleep, got a lot of work done, went out to dinner. Felt very normal all day (After puting a grocery cart away I actually broke into a run on the way back to the car)--I don't remember the last time I ran anywhere, it felt really good. Now I'm going to get in bed and read. Amazing.

[abir]

that is so great Hudgens   i wish you continued success in your tapering journey

[Hudgens]

Thanks Abir.