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Laqiya


Laqiya

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So, I was on Zyprexa for nearly a decade until I quit cold turkey 18 months ago. Right now I suspect I'm in protracted withdrawal. It hasn't been fun.

 

I tend to be in extreme denial about this whole withdrawal thing even though it's clear that it has to be what's wrong with me. Though I'm still not sure. I hoped by joining this site it'll help me to come to terms with it.

 

I don't have much support regarding withdrawal related issues. Though my family who I'm financially dependent on currently is supportive and I'm very lucky to have that. (they are unaware about w/d and they'll probably have a hard time accepting since even I can't accept it yet.)

 

I'm in my twenties and should be studying for basic exams but instead I tend to generally be too sick to do anything much. It's extremely unpleasant going through this. it's terrifying, lonely, guilt inducing and frustrating. I hate it.

 

Denial is how I cope. But I need to at least minimally accept what I'm going through. If I don't I'm going to think everything's okay when it's not. (And I know it takes years and decades even, depending on your health to get well ) It's very hard to focus on these w/d related issues since I find it very hard to accept/deal with right now mentally, since it's painful/very triggering.

 

I have learnt to handle stuff on my own with the help of websites such as this one, family, and generally taking care of myself.

 

I tend to get exhausted easily nowadays and am pretty much bedridden. I can only stand the computer for short periods only.

But I have hope that I will get better! :)

 

I know I can't do this alone, that's why I joined this forum. I need advice , support desperately. I hope I can help in any way that I possibly can as well.

 

I'm so glad, grateful and relieved there are sites like this. Thank you everyone from Surviving Antidepressants.

 

I know everything will be okay in the end and that we are strong. :) Take very good care everyone. <3 <3 <3

Edited by Karma
Added paragraph breaks for better readability

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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Laquita,

 

Welcome! Do you have any symptoms besides exhaustion? Are you on any other meds? Welcome to the "party"!

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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  • Administrator

Hi Laqiya

 

Welcome to the forum. You will find lots of support here.

 

Here are some psychotherapeutic techniques to cope with symptoms http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

 

This topic may answer some of your questions about withdrawal syndrome http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome

 

It sounds like you are hypersensitive to light which explains why you can only do short amounts of time on the computer. What other symptoms are you experiencing?

 

Have you tried Omega 3 fish oil http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/ Many find it helps the central nervous system.

 

Karma

2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax

200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg
Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 mg; 1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg
Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor


I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers

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Hello and welcome to the forum! Hopefully you will find support and kindness, as well as the knowledge you need to better get through your withdrawal. I don't personally know much about Zyprexa withdrawal, but others have good advice. Take care of yourself *hugggg*

 

 

I'm in my twenties and should be studying for basic exams but instead I tend to generally be too sick to do anything much. It's extremely unpleasant going through this. it's terrifying, lonely, guilt inducing and frustrating. I hate it

I can relate to this a lot. I'm in my twenties as well, and I should be starting a career, but instead I'm stuck in a spiral that started with depression and led me here, endlessly mad at antidepressants. It is unpleasant, but you are not alone, and you deserve your life back! If you ever want to talk, feel free to contact me :)

Tapering Zoloft, Dec 2014

Started Lamictal

Re-started Zoloft mid-Oct 2014, 25-50mg

Stopped Zoloft end of Sept 2014

Started Zoloft July 2014, 50mg

Stopped Prozac from 3mg May 2014

Stopped Effexor Dec '13 Started 10mg Prozac

Reinstated Effexor 15mg on Nov 2013

Stopped from 21mg on Oct 2013
Effexor 112.5mg, since Dec 2012

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Im glad you found this forum- I, at least, have found it very comforting supportive and informative.

Being in this limbo is so hard. Are there specific questions you have? I have gotten some great answers here!

 

Im glad youre here.

Francis

2003-2010 up and down 10-40mg celexa for anxiety
2/2011 10mg
8/2011 5mg for 3 wks, then stopped completely.
middle of night waking after apx 1-2 hours of sleep (nightly), panic/jitteriness after waking
11/11 back on 30mg celexa, ambien/many supplements-insomnia/panic.
2/12 30mg celexa, many supplements (Magnesium eliminated morning tight chest/jitteriness). Off ambien!
7/12 20mg
8/12 15 mg(sleep improving,mood pos)
12/12 2.3 mg got liquid celexa!
1/13 2.1 mg
3/13 1.2 mg
4/13 down to .6 too quickly- cortisol spikes, middle of night waking, night sweats...
4/13 held at .6 for 3 weeks so far. Off most supplements as well. Withdrawal depression almost gone!

7/13 OFF OF CELEXA!!!

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Laqiya,

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this at such a young age.

 

They say the younger you are the better chance you have of recovery - so you have age on your side.

 

I know that doesn't help when you're in the thick of things, though.

 

Please post as often as you need to.

 

Take care

July 2001 prescribed 20mg citalopram for depression;
On and off meds from 2003-2006.
February 2006 back on 20mg citalopram and stayed on it until my last attempt at tapering in September 2011.
By far the worst withdrawal symptoms ever. Reinstated to 20mg citalopram
October 2012 - found this forum!
Nov 2012 to Feb 2013 did 10% taper, got doen to 11mg - was going great until stressful situation. Cortisol levels hit the roof, hideous insomnia forced me to updose to 20mg.
March 2016 - close to 100% back to normal!



****** I am not a medical practitioner, any advice I give comes from my own experience or reading and is only my perspective ******

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Thank you for your warm welcome and replies everyone. :) <3

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Do you have any symptoms besides exhaustion?

 

Flulike symptoms , gut issues, heightened emotions, raw nerves and senses, restlessness, psychological issues (minor memory lapses, problems with learning, comprehension) and many I'm unaware of probably. I'm trying to learn how to deal with each one though I'm guessing over time these will just fade as my body heals. So I'm not worrying about details just doing the best I can to support my overall health.

 

Thank you for the welcome, Meimeiquest.

 

 

 

It sounds like you are hypersensitive to light which explains why you can only do short amounts of time on the computer.

 

 

Karma

 

Thank you for the links, Karma.

 

I am hypersensitive to artificial light, though it's not as bad as before. I'm trying to limit my time on the net and do other activities as well.

Also probably since I'm new I get anxious posting, but usually anything dealing with w/d subject in general gives me severe anxiety whenever I am in contact with it. Because the emotional cost is too high for me personally, avoiding it seems smart right now. Especially since I deal with a lot of similar stresses. In time I will be more comfortable with it I hope.

Emitted EMFs from wireless and computer radiation might be harmful as well I've heard.

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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Hi Laqiya! Just do what u can, when u can and be kind to yourself, it's such a hard thing to have to accept. Thinking of you, get lots of rest, it will get easier. Xxxxxxx

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Continued~

 

I have been on Omega 3 even before quitting the drug and it has helped me immensely. (I didn't know how to do safe tapering then and I think it helped protect me from worse w/d symptom.) Other than Vit. B complex, occasional antihistamines or laxatives (lactulose) for sinus and gut issues, I'm wary of and don't take any medicines.

 

 

I can relate to this a lot. I'm in my twenties as well, and I should be starting a career, but instead I'm stuck in a spiral that started with depression and led me here, endlessly mad at antidepressants. It is unpleasant, but you are not alone, and you deserve your life back!

 

I am sorry you are going through this as well. But I am sure we both will get through this eventually. I wish you well in your healing path. As for work, for me personally my only "job" has been to try to get well.

 

Thank you, Finn *hugs*

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Laqiya,

 

I'm very glad you've joined us!

 

I moved your thread here, it will get more traffic.

 

We don't usually recommend reinstatement after being off the med as long as you have been. Please do look through the Symptoms and Self-care threads, I think Karma gave you some links. There's a wealth of helpful info there.

 

I'm very sorry you've been suffering so long!

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Im glad you found this forum- I, at least, have found it very comforting supportive and informative. !

 

Im glad youre here.

Francis

 

Thank you, Francis.

 

I am grateful I found this forum. I am so glad you are here too.

 

 

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this at such a young age.

 

They say the younger you are the better chance you have of recovery - so you have age on your side.

 

I know that doesn't help when you're in the thick of things, though.

 

 

Thank you, Basildev.

 

I guess it's hard for anyone at anytime in their lives to deal with this. I kinda knew it would be easier for me because I have been luckier than most. Having someone finally saying it has validated it. It has given me hope even if it is hard. It really makes a difference.

 

Thank you everyone again, I just can't convey in words how grateful and touched I am. Take the best possible care of yourselves. <3 <3 <3

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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We don't usually recommend reinstatement after being off the med as long as you have been. Please do look through the Symptoms and Self-care threads, I think Karma gave you some links. There's a wealth of helpful info there.

 

I'm very sorry you've been suffering so long!

 

Thank you, Tezza.

 

Oh thank goodness! Even the idea of reinstatement sounds scary. Though I'd be willing to try anything at this point really. I am always trying to read as much as I can and that thread in particular has been very helpful.

 

It seems like while I have been suffering, I've gradually been getting better too, like detoxing. That's another way to see it, I guess. :)

 

Also right now this is one of the lowest points in my recovery so far, since I had a major setback 7 months ago by being exposed to chemicals plus overdoing it (partly my fault partly circumstances) I was practically okay before that. It had been in as "steady" and "gradual" pattern of recovery of w/d as could be expected. Oh well, I'll just have to be responsible for it and be careful next time, since these things do happen.

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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Hi Laqiya! Just do what u can, when u can and be kind to yourself, it's such a hard thing to have to accept. Thinking of you, get lots of rest, it will get easier. Xxxxxxx

 

Thank you, Fizz.

 

That is very encouraging. :)

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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Laqiya, can you tell me what happened when you got exposed to chemicals? It sounds daft but I have been using black coloured hairspray everyday for some time, getting it all over my scalp, etc, sure it was making me worse, had loads of benzene things and weird stuff in it, stopped yesterday after reading what harm it could be doing. I also had a short setback for about a week after thinking I was fit enough to scrub the decking in th garden, which still looked crap afterwards anyway. Xxxxxx

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Laqiya, can you tell me what happened when you got exposed to chemicals? It sounds daft but I have been using black coloured hairspray everyday for some time, getting it all over my scalp, etc, sure it was making me worse, had loads of benzene things and weird stuff in it, stopped yesterday after reading what harm it could be doing. I also had a short setback for about a week after thinking I was fit enough to scrub the decking in th garden, which still looked crap afterwards anyway. Xxxxxx

 

Hi Fizz,

 

I was exposed to a lot of furniture/window polish, paint, dust while renovators worked on the entire house within a short period of time. Since that was a lot of chemicals, I kind of got worse after that.

 

I am not an expert on chemical exposure, but if you think you are sensitive to hairspray stopping it was probably a smart thing to do. I am still learning about multiple chemical sensitivities. Maybe there are people on here that know more about this particular subject?

 

I'm sorry to hear about your setback.

 

This has happened to me so many times before too: I get a little better, then thinking I'm strong enough to do at least a minor chore (except it isn't "minor" or "easy" now, even though before being sick I would have considered it to be so) I go ahead and before I know it I've somehow gotten worse. It took a little time to trace the cause to w/d. But at least I learnt more about my own limits while trying to test my strength.

 

I have to consciously be extra careful now since everything has changed. Even though my inner drives seem to be telling me to do stuff just as if I were okay. It's confusing to decide what to do, with such contradictory messages coming from within myself. (not to mention dealing with people around me not knowing what's going on and being insensitive to my condition)

 

For me when it comes down to doing stuff, less is more, while taking care of myself is the main priority. It's hard and draining enough as it is and it seems the right thing to do for now at least.

 

It can be tough to do anything when you're sick like this. Take it easy and be good to yourself. Take care. <3

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Laqiya,

 

Many people become sensitive to a lot of things once they are in withdrawals. Lights, sounds and smells are common sensitivities.

 

Also, I've noticed that anytime I'm a little under the weather, it seems to aggravate WDs even if I've been doing well.

 

Chemical exposure can be bad for anyone, I'm sorry this has added to your struggle.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

Do you have any symptoms besides exhaustion?

 

Flulike symptoms , gut issues, heightened emotions, raw nerves and senses, restlessness, psychological issues (minor memory lapses, problems with learning, comprehension) and many I'm unaware of probably. I'm trying to learn how to deal with each one though I'm guessing over time these will just fade as my body heals. So I'm not worrying about details just doing the best I can to support my overall health.

 

Thank you for the welcome, Meimeiquest.

 

 

 

It sounds like you are hypersensitive to light which explains why you can only do short amounts of time on the computer.

 

 

Karma

 

Thank you for the links, Karma.

 

I am hypersensitive to artificial light, though it's not as bad as before. I'm trying to limit my time on the net and do other activities as well.

Also probably since I'm new I get anxious posting, but usually anything dealing with w/d subject in general gives me severe anxiety whenever I am in contact with it. Because the emotional cost is too high for me personally, avoiding it seems smart right now. Especially since I deal with a lot of similar stresses. In time I will be more comfortable with it I hope.

Emitted EMFs from wireless and computer radiation might be harmful as well I've heard.

 

If you still question whether this is withdrawal, let me just say that everything above sounds like classic withdrawal, especially AD withdrawal.

 

Also, your youth is definitely an advantage for healing, but it's also a disadvantage for risk of difficult withdrawal, because if you took ADs for a decade and you're in your 20s, you were taking them for many years while your brain was still immature (the brain doesn't reach its fully adult functional state until the mid to late 20s, or so I've heard).

 

I personally have noticed certain risk factors that seem to be associated with difficult WD from psych drugs, and starting use in childhood or teen years is one of them.

 

So it's not entirely unexpected that you're having an extended problem with withdrawal. Be patient and gentle with yourself, though, and at your age, you'll probably heal fairly quickly.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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  • 1 month later...

Posted 19 April 2013 - 08:40 AM

Hi Laqiya,

 

Many people become sensitive to a lot of things once they are in withdrawals. Lights, sounds and smells are common sensitivities. 

 

Also, I've noticed that anytime I'm a little under the weather, it seems to aggravate WDs even if I've been doing well.

 

Chemical exposure can be bad for anyone, I'm sorry this has added to your struggle.

 

Tezza,

 

Very true. 

 

I'm sorry <3  :( I've experienced this too. I guess it's likely they are pseudo sensitivities caused by w/d and made worse by mcs.

 

Thanks, really appreciate the sympathy <3

 

 

 

If you still question whether this is withdrawal, let me just say that everything above sounds like classic withdrawal, especially AD withdrawal.

 

Also, your youth is definitely an advantage for healing, but it's also a disadvantage for risk of difficult withdrawal, because if you took ADs for a decade and you're in your 20s, you were taking them for many years while your brain was still immature (the brain doesn't reach its fully adult functional state until the mid to late 20s, or so I've heard).

 

I personally have noticed certain risk factors that seem to be associated with difficult WD from psych drugs, and starting use in childhood or teen years is one of them.

 

So it's not entirely unexpected that you're having an extended problem with withdrawal. Be patient and gentle with yourself, though, and at your age, you'll probably heal fairly quickly.

Rhi,

 

Thank you.

 

Nope, I know it is w/d for sure now, thanks to this site.  :lol: I'm just finding it hard to accept and dunno how much mcs plays into it as well. 

 

That's very interesting, I didn't know that. This explains why so many young people struggle to quit drugs and find it to be hard afterwards. I mean you'd think it'd be easier for them being young, but because most people don't know how to taper safely, plus this, it actually gets to be much more complicated. Thanks for the info.

 

That's very cool. It definitely helps to know these things, even though I don't like to think about risk factors much.

 

Thanks for your kind words. I definitely have hope I will get better.

 

Sorry for taking so long to reply.

 

Kinda going through a stressful period right now, will post that'll make sense later when I get better.  :mellow: Just focusing on my health, managing stress for now. Meanwhile I'll be lurking the Self care section and others on this site and trying to apply them.  :ph34r: Cognitive functions are really challenging. I want to post much more, especially in others intros. So, sorry if I don't. :/

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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Hi Laq, just wondering how you are doing and also to say that extreme exhaustion is now also one of my strongest symptoms. It is very frustrating, only being able to do so little. People around me haven't got a clue what effort it takes to do the simplest tasks. Earlier on in wd I seemed to have more energy although it was nightmarish. So things keep on changing and we know that our energy will very slowly return, it's a long wait. Sending hugs. Xxxxxxx

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Hi Fizz,

 

I'm doing as well as can be expected, I guess, thanks for asking. Does the stress ever end?  -_-  Kinda sleeping through w/d mostly right now, so that's a good thing anyway.

 

I'm sorry to hear you have been experiencing a difficult time  :( I've experienced everything you've mentioned. Trying to do as little as possible, (only the essential stuff) and hinting to people around me that I need a big break/not feeling the best, so they don't expect as much from me, has been helpful. I don't know if that's possible for you to do, but I hope that you find helpful solutions soon.

 

Rest is important, though waiting is the hardest thing for busy people used to doing so much, it's a skill in itself. Keep at it <3 You're doing great! 

 

Thanks for posting and hugs. *lots of hugs and kisses*  :D

 

Take good care of yourself <3 <3 <3

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Sorry this is rambling, don't mind me, just needed to vent:

 

Having some bad days lately. Family keeps pushing me to do stuff much faster (silly stuff to them but hurtful to me, they keep panicking and being ridiculously abusive, I mean every conceivable thing that hurts me was hurled at me in the evening. So much drama on and on and on....A healthy person would get sick if they went through the same and in the state of w/d I'm in it's just cruel) The external stress they create out of nothing ( they seem to hate any kind of peace) is frustrating to handle and emotionally painful. 

I have severe (well, it seems like that anyway) constipation and respiratory issues (really hard to breathe) , constant sinusitis plus recovering from flu ( I just wait it out for like 2 weeks usually w/o resorting to drugs, but due to people not being careful (irresponsibly so) I think I relapsed again. ( it's nice to blame sometimes) 

 

Dealing with more repairs that worsen stress and negotiating with them to slow it down just drove me over the edge tonight. No complete sleep for 4 days straight. 

 

I seem to sabotage my attempts to get well. If I experience a good day I use it so fully that it might as well be the worst. Just been so high from pain that doesn't seem to let up. The better I get the more painful everything seems to be when I have energy enough to be conscious about it. need to let go. 

 

Lately in need of people to chat online for support but hardly want to do "left brain activities" since it activates me too much. Tried to self sooth but it seems to backfire since the more I enjoy (and ultimately stress myself) even a little comfort that I think I deserve, immediately later something painful seems to happen. People are so out of control around me that it's driving me up the wall. I thought of reinstating and the thought scared and shocked me so much I thought I'd better post something on here. everything's so messed up. 

 

Maybe this isn't a very smart post to do publicly and I should stick to private journaling.( I seem to be unable to do anything privately it just intensifies the loneliness) But hey this is a Journal too, right? I feel better when I post. Not so isolated. Ohhh, so tired, sad, hurt, ragey and everything. :( And terrifyingly threatened. :o Oh well, been through worse and I'll get through this just as I did before, I guess. I feel a little better already. 

 

I haaate abusive people, they suuuuck. ugh. grrrrrrr. >:[ What do I have to do to get through to them not to create nerve wracking drama around me? I've been trying to explain to them what's wrong with me and it just backfired big time. Oops my mistake. ( it always is! as everyone keeps reminding me : /) 

 

Maybe I'll put off telling them anything for years until I get better, I can't deal with this right now) I continue to keep learning the depths of cruelty people can sink into. here I am trying to survive and manage pain every second and in they waltz in having no conception of boundaries, space whatsoever and seeming to trample and detroy every effort I've tried to create. Funny thing is the more meaningless they are the more vicious it gets. 

 

I try not to think about it. I tried "doing" everything I can but I know I just need quiet and private space to recover, and be still. Externalize. Breathe. Either the symptoms won't let me or external situations. Everything is so overwhelming mainly on top of everything because people keep pushing me to become "friends" with people who've committed horrendous abuse towards me in the past. Sheesh.

 

The more I try to control myself the more people seem to lose it. I wonder if all this is worth it in the end? -___- Discouraged, but I know I'll be alright. I hope I forget the outrageous, out of line things that happened daily in the future completely. (w/ lots of therapy hopefully) Ehh, I'll get over it. I have a lot of practice on my side anyway, even if there is not one single person on my side in real life.  

 

I'm grateful for the info on this site, it's really been a lifesaver. It is comforting. 

 

Again, sorry for the rant and Thanks for letting me do it.

 

Take care everyone <3 <3 <3 

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Laqia I am so sorry things are so bad for you. Be assured that you have lots of people on your side here. 

It's awful when those who love you don't understand what you are going through and sadly most people don't

know because it is not spoken of or accepted. You will get better and you have many good years ahead of you

when you will be well and enjoy life. Treasure the good moments and remember them when the bad ones hit.

 

I hope it isn't very long before you are having many more good days and less bad ones. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Laquiya,

 

I'm really sorry you're suffering. It sounds like you have some 'drama-addicts' in the mix there, and they seem to enjoy feeding off your misery.

 

Certain members of my family don't acknowledge what I'm going through either - not because they don't care (I know they love me very much), but because they believe I should see a medical professional and get more drugs to 'fix' the problem.

 

In any case, I've just stopped discussing my situation with these people. They mean well, but we're just on opposite planets in terms of our views. I know I can't change their opinions so I don't even try. My standard response is to say 'I don't know what's causing this but I'm doing the best I can'. I DO know what's causing this, but discussing my views only gets me into hot water. So.... I change the subject and walk away.

 

My best advice to you would be to surround yourself with like minded people and avoid those who try to force their opinions on you. It sounds to me like you might have to be a bit sneaky about this where your family is concerned. Sometimes when another person is trying to force their opinions and views on us, the worst thing we can do is engage in an ego-battle and try to help them understand our side of the story. In reality, they don't really want to understand; they may even have a vested interest in 'bullying' you into agreeing with their specific beliefs and views. In this situations sometimes it helps to just 'pretend to agree' but go ahead and do our own thing anyway.

 

Rest assured, we know what you're going through and we know it's real.

July 2001 prescribed 20mg citalopram for depression;
On and off meds from 2003-2006.
February 2006 back on 20mg citalopram and stayed on it until my last attempt at tapering in September 2011.
By far the worst withdrawal symptoms ever. Reinstated to 20mg citalopram
October 2012 - found this forum!
Nov 2012 to Feb 2013 did 10% taper, got doen to 11mg - was going great until stressful situation. Cortisol levels hit the roof, hideous insomnia forced me to updose to 20mg.
March 2016 - close to 100% back to normal!



****** I am not a medical practitioner, any advice I give comes from my own experience or reading and is only my perspective ******

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Thanks for the quick replies both. The sympathy and great advice is so helpful.  Take good care <3 <3 <3

 

Quick thought before I reply more fully: Typed this latest post in a semi rage. Rage is great when you know how to handle it and to me it is a good sign, when I have it rarely. (this due to fatigue no doubt) Personally find it hard to emotionally process anything right now.  Hardcore panic and rage seems to need hardcore calming and serenity it seems. I need to not let them get to me. I know it'll be okay in the end through it all. Not only are all of you great people extremely supportive and on my side (as I am on all of yours), but God is with us all as well. So I am comforted.  

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

Link to comment

 

 

mammaP

Posted 13 July 2013 - 03:48 AM

Laqia I am so sorry things are so bad for you. Be assured that you have lots of people on your side here. 

It's awful when those who love you don't understand what you are going through and sadly most people don't

know because it is not spoken of or accepted. You will get better and you have many good years ahead of you

when you will be well and enjoy life. Treasure the good moments and remember them when the bad ones hit.

 

I hope it isn't very long before you are having many more good days and less bad ones. 

 

 

 

 

Hi MammaP,

 

Thanks for the sympathy and encouragement. Indeed I have a lot to treasure. Even in the worst situations little things bring light into my life. Thank you for the support it makes me regain peace in myself again. I am thankful for my blessings.

 

Take care <3

 

 

Hi Laquiya,

 

I'm really sorry you're suffering. It sounds like you have some 'drama-addicts' in the mix there, and they seem to enjoy feeding off your misery.

 

Certain members of my family don't acknowledge what I'm going through either - not because they don't care (I know they love me very much), but because they believe I should see a medical professional and get more drugs to 'fix' the problem.

 

In any case, I've just stopped discussing my situation with these people. They mean well, but we're just on opposite planets in terms of our views. I know I can't change their opinions so I don't even try. My standard response is to say 'I don't know what's causing this but I'm doing the best I can'. I DO know what's causing this, but discussing my views only gets me into hot water. So.... I change the subject and walk away.

 

My best advice to you would be to surround yourself with like minded people and avoid those who try to force their opinions on you. It sounds to me like you might have to be a bit sneaky about this where your family is concerned. Sometimes when another person is trying to force their opinions and views on us, the worst thing we can do is engage in an ego-battle and try to help them understand our side of the story. In reality, they don't really want to understand; they may even have a vested interest in 'bullying' you into agreeing with their specific beliefs and views. In this situations sometimes it helps to just 'pretend to agree' but go ahead and do our own thing anyway.

 

Rest assured, we know what you're going through and we know it's real.

 

 

Thank you basildev,

 

You seem to know exactly how to handle this situation. I am sorry for you too that you are going through this. I feel we just shouldn't have to deal with it at all. It is cruel.  :( *hugs* 

 

I know my Family loves me as well. There is at least one person in particular who understands that I can talk to sometimes so it is not as bad as I make it out to be. They do support in other helpful ways and I am grateful for that. It is not their battle.

 

So I will just try to escape from them as much as possible. It's not easy for them either, to deal with me. If they corner me I can pretend as you say, and not be mentally or emotionally present even if I'm physically there. 

 

The more I try to understand them the more the truth gets buried and passive aggressive tendencies arise in me giving way to explosive rage when they push me too far as can be seen in the above post. 

 

I've forgotten to be sneaky lately. When I was feeling much better last year "sneaky" was my middle name. I was careful. To revert again to being "the victim" and forced to resort to basic raw survival defense mechanisms to deal with all this seems bitterly frustrating, upsetting and annoying. But guess one has to sometimes, to be a survivor. It only makes me stronger, I know. 

 

Thankfully at this stage unlike before I have massively great support on S.A. that I've never thought I could get, which is a very pleasant thing. I have also joined abuse support forums as well, since I understand this is not primarily about these issues and I don't want to turn out to be abusive myself.

 

My family is not helpful anymore in this issue, so I will be silent. I can spend more time here. That way I won't forget myself and the issues I face and hopefully be helpful to others as well. I need much more practice being confident and stronger to deal with these issues. 

 

It's just hard when you are in a worse state to have patience and live with people who have no concept of space, privacy and boundaries. But at least I learn from my mistakes as well as theirs. I know they cannot hurt me even if they try to without meaning it sometimes. To me having a sense of humor and a they-do-not-know-what-they-do kind of deafness or spiritual earplugs are key when dealing with situations like this.

 

I know that bad instances like these are rare. Even if thinking about taking drugs again is scary, it is not cause to panic only a sign that I'm desperately stressed and need to go into "self care mode". If I could just wait a bit impatiently, it's helpful even if I cannot exactly be in that state of grace called "patience".      

 

I pray God protects and gives strength to everyone who is suffering.

 

Thank you for everything. Take care <3

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

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  • 2 months later...

Been feeling better lately. Getting lots of rest, diet etc. Symptoms are getting much lighter. Still kinda prone to get tired and not organized. Family is consistently driving me up the wall, but that's normal :) lol. Thinking I should do something but still not really able to. Frustrating. Overall I'm okay.

 

Love and healing to everyone. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Very good news, thanks, Laqiya.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 3 months later...

Thanks so much for everything, Alto. Sorry for not replying sooner.

 

Doing better the last few months, I think mainly because I started using magnesium. (epsom salts solution applied on skin)  It helped with my G.I symptoms, muscle aches, nerve pain, anxiety etc. I can think clearly now than before. The windows are frequent and have less waves.

I'm really enjoying the small things and grateful for the relief. :)

 

Take very good care everyone <3

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you for the update Laqiya,

 

I'm glad you are feeling better and that the magnesium is helping.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • 1 year later...

Belated thanks for the reply Petunia.

 

Sorry for not posting in a long while. I've been much better since I posted last but then had a setback about 6 months ago and still recovering. Been very stressed lately and discouraged. At least it isn't as bad as setbacks before. Definitely recovering but just now not in a great place. Have trouble trying to keep myself on track so decided to post at last after years putting it off. was busy and took on a lot of stuff too when I was better. I will post details later of that window period when I'm a bit better and what helped me.

 

Wishing everyone good health and progress in recovery

<p>Quit Olanzapine 2.5 mg cold turkey. (by the way I do not recommend c/t, but an appropriate safe taper instead)

April 2013: 18 months drug free yet suffering protracted withdrawal.

On no medications except: 360mg Omega 3 cod liver oil daily and epsom salt spray for magnesium.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Laqiya, I'm sorry to read that you are having a wave after feeling better for a while. Unfortunately stress takes its toll in withdrawal and makes it worse.  It is so easy to take on things when feeling well and in a good window, then to find it was too much and suffer the consequences  :( .

 

This wave will pass too, just like the others. Take care of yourself while you wait and be kind to yourself like you would to anyone else who is suffering. I hope you get another good window soon. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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