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Letter to God


Nikki

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Last night I worked at TJMaxx and closed didn't get home till 10:30 - went to bed and could not fall asleep.

 

Sooooo I have my Letter of Resignation which I will submit.

 

This morning I was reading an excerpt from Breaking Out by Joel Osteen about what we say and the influence it can have.

 

I realized I need to change my verbage to believing I will be okay, it's okay to take care of myself.  Surrender and trust to let my Higher Power open doors.  Do something every day to keep moving forward and keep me out of worry.

 

I heard someone share at an Al-Anon meeting yesterday that he went to see a Psychiatrist and asked for medication because he worries and takes things to an extreme in his thinking and the Doctor said:

 

"you have the Worry Too Much Syndrome and you need to work on that without adding medication."

 

This is me too....need to work on it as well.

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Zoe that is part of what I do....I will say Thank you for healing me.

 

Right now the path is rough.  I need to sit down and re asses  things.  There must be something I can do to help me get myself together.

For the over view when things are too rough I just give it all to God and leave it. 

 

To reset myself and get into a state where I can receive an answer God may be trying to send to me... I empty myself by doing a deep relaxation video... 

I think deep relaxation is the state where healing happens I also find the reset helps me get unstuck when my brain is in over drive and trying to be bossy sometimes I need to shut it down... deep relaxation on utube helps me it will be the first one that pops up... 

nothing simpler than that. 

I wish you peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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  • 4 weeks later...

If you have gotten through all the difficult times you have had in your life, and you made it this far,  Id say that God is right there with you, Protecting your heart and giving you strength to make it through. Hang on, and every time you need another ounce of strength, he will provide it.  HUGS and Keep the Faith.. 

Maggie Mayhem

 

I cant begin to tell you the dosage, milligrams or dates OF ANY KIND.   One of the trophies I walked away with is the inability to remember numbers.  Birthdays, Anniversaries, Length of Time, Dosage, Phone Numbers, heck, Im lucky I can tell you my age..

 

 

Pristiqe

Zoloft

Cymbalta

Xanax

 

Cold Turkey

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Thanks Maggie- I needed to hear that today. Hugs & blessings to you!!

 

If you have gotten through all the difficult times you have had in your life, and you made it this far,  Id say that God is right there with you, Protecting your heart and giving you strength to make it through. Hang on, and every time you need another ounce of strength, he will provide it.  HUGS and Keep the Faith.. 

 

Jan. 1994 Pamelor

2000 switched to Zoloft 

2011 Zoloft pooped out- Dr. switched me directly to Lexapro15mg -had a horrible 6mths

2013 upped Lexapro to 20 mgs-pooped out

June 2013 Dr. added 150 Wellbutrin to Lexapro.

July 2013 Switched back to Zoloft 100mgs.Was still taking Wellbutrin. Lots of anxiety from the Wellbutrin

July 2013 Started to wean Wellbutrin- off by Sept.

Oct. 2013 added 400 mgs of Neurotin to the Zoloft

Jan 2014 Tapered off of the Zoloft and onto Prozac 30 mgs. Also still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Feb 2014 Reduced Prozac to 13 mgs. Still taking 400 mgs Neurotin

Aug. 2014 Prozac 13 mgs. Finished with Neurotin. .7 Risperadol

 

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Im just paying it forward..  Something a wise old man had told me when I was at one of my low points.  Glad it helped..  Hang in there..  ::Hugs::

Maggie Mayhem

 

I cant begin to tell you the dosage, milligrams or dates OF ANY KIND.   One of the trophies I walked away with is the inability to remember numbers.  Birthdays, Anniversaries, Length of Time, Dosage, Phone Numbers, heck, Im lucky I can tell you my age..

 

 

Pristiqe

Zoloft

Cymbalta

Xanax

 

Cold Turkey

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  • 9 months later...

Petu

 

I loved what you wrote..

 

I also thought that the other day...maybe everything is ultimately ok just as everything is..relatively there is so much suffering.

 

I struggle with the idea though..how can damaging psych drugs and the suffering from them be ok..from the human perspective it doesn't seem it..

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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  • 1 month later...

I feel like I owe my nervous system a big apology.  Sorry, brain!  I had no idea...

March 5, 6  2015 1 10mg Paxil each day - only 2 pills total - experienced huge tingle in my head on first pill

 

numbness in my hands and feet, skin less sensitive over all... not ticklish anymore

**anhedonia, blank emotions

PSSD, anorgasmia

heartbeat rhythm problems

"To err is human.  To really foul things up requires a psychiatrist."

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8554-akakoom-lost-in-no-mans-land/

 

"When you are going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill (the only way out is through)

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