Konjo: Me & my wife

[Konjo]

Hi all,

 

Here is my story.

 

At the very end of last year my wife has some problems with her work. As she said she hated this "rat race" and wanted to do something more significant with her life. Of course I supported her in that.

She was caring, full of empathy loving person. We spent a lot of time together with laughter and long talks about movies, society, books, life. We shared same ideas.

When I/her was out we texted each other very often with lovely messages. She had a great hobby - I fully supported her in this. She loved cats etc.

She had a problem to finish her degree at university but there was no pressure on doing that.

She had no problem with bipolar or other mood syndromes. I know her pretty well - we spent 5 years together. We never had any "silent day". We never fight. Every problematic situation was solved in friendly talk and it worked very well. Very often I heard that I'm perfect man for her. She heard same from me.

 

Last year she got some migraine. She went to medical place and they send her to neurologist/psychiatrist for a meeting.

Doctor give her some medications for migraines but this caused side effect - nausea. She started to use Ginger supplement to fight nausea with success. She discontinued this migraine medications because of side effects. Migraines never went back. But her new doctor after interview realized that she had some seasonal mood disorder. First it was lack of Vitamine D etc. After several months doctor proposed her "very light, new generation antidepressant" It was Lexapro.

 

She started to use it in December 2012.

 

First month (January) I didn't see any changes in her behavior. In February this year, after dose alteration everything changed very quickly.

She had lost her interest in her hobby and lovely animal. She started to avoid me. No more text messages, long talks etc. She started to be concentrated 100% on her career.

After several weeks she have got severe side effect from this drug: abdominal pain, constipation, tooth pain etc. I asked her about drug name and checked side - effects list, online.

It was it. She then to discontinue this drug with consultation with her doc. From 15 mg slowly she tampering it down. But it also developed another side effects - hypomania.

Her doc wanted to put her on another SSRI meds plus Wellbutrin but she rejected it. She want to be clean from this chemical pills.

She started to go out for long walks. Twice a day for 2 hours. At supermarket she cannot stand and look at product - she had to walk all the time. When outside was bad weather she walked like an hour up and down on stairway inside our building. At that time she went totally into her career like working on 2 computers at same time. She started to mention that our marriage never worked, that everything is beyond her and she put so great effort to support our relationship etc. She asked to meet with marriage counselor. I agreed of course but things changed so quickly and several days later she said that she is not in love with me anymore and she is wondering why she married me. She wanted separation in several months. It was a very painful moment but quite fast I found some information online - that sometimes SSRI medications destroys happy marriages and relationships. I found works of dr Helen Fisher that helped me understand what is going on. That SSRI CAN destroy romantic love and ability to stay in happy relationship.

 

I started to concentrate with helping my wife to finally withdraw this poison. Right now is third week after this painful conversation about separation etc. I gave her a lot of space and provided her with healthy organic food. She really enjoyed that.

I didn't go into any unpleasant to her conversations. Just to be with her when she is wishing for it. She slowly went down from 5mg into 2.5. After that I saw a lot of positive changes - hypomania in several days was over. Slowly she started to use again our secret words, songs. She started to show again some interest to cats and her great hobby. Everyday I can see a progress. Her alone long walks went down from 4-5 hours per day into 1 hour. She started to sleep longer.

 

I tried to talk with her about changes in her behavior but she denied that. She is just withdrawing because of severe physical side effects. She told me that except physical side-effect that she hate - she is feeling very well. She finally found a fulfillment in her career.

 

She still wants to separate but from other hand I see that she want to spent more and more time with me.

She said tha I'm her best friend and she wish me to find a better person. I'm always telling her back true - that she is the greatest person I ever meet and her happiness is my priority. Right now I'm concentrating my efforts to help her with withdrawal. She understand that and appreciate it.

 

She started to be angry at some problems of her career. I told her that such anger can be triggered by withdrawal. That is not her but medication. She got this point..

 

Today she started last turn of tapering down her medication: from 2.5mg every day into 2.5 mg every other day. It will take a week or two.

I'm still preparing for her such food as mustard greens, Kale, broccoli, rappi, soy, hand made guacamole, salmon, sardines, green salads sometimes with eggs / her favorite cheese, full grain bread, lean turkey etc.

I convinced her to temporarily change her coffee to decaffeinated one etc.

She really enjoys all it.

Additionally she started to use some supplements: 2 capsules of Salmon oil twice a day. 1 capsule of Lecithin once a day. 1 capsule of Magnesium once a day.

 

I see that she is determined to be clean. She said that taking this pills was a big mistake. She wants to deal with her mood in natural way.

She even asked me to teach her some relaxation meditation. I have some years background in that and I showed her some techniques. We are trying to do this together.

 

I know that the worse symptoms can occur after final withdrawal (in some days after last pill and can lasts several weeks)

I want to be prepared for that and inform her about that.

 

My question is - how can I help her in the best way with last stage of withdrawal?

 

(Sorry for my English - it is not my mother tongue)

 

 

All the best for all of you

[Wingbatty]

Your story made me sad and angry. I'm so sorry your life has been affected so much. I hope very much that you can recover this and the loving marriage you had before.

 

Everything that can be done, you are doing. Especially helping her to see that her symptoms are not HER, they are just symptoms. You will find on this site many stories where withdrawal can continue for a long time after the last pill is taken. I hope this is not true for your wife.

 

Encourage her to lower her dosages very slowly. This will help a lot. And let us know how she does -

 

W

 

(PS - your English is very good. You should not worry.)

[Rhiannon]

I am concerned about your wife's taper. She may be setting herself up for some severe withdrawal symptoms. It is NOT ADVISED to alternate days on AD's; this will make withdrawal symptoms worse, because of the constant chaotic fluctuation of drug levels in the brain.

 

She has also reduced very quickly. We recommend reductions of 10% at a time.

 

Please read through some of the information on tapering and see if you can get her to read any of it. I hate to see her end up like so many of the tragic stories I have seen.

 

Also, I recommend for you the books Your Drug May Be Your Problem and Medication Madness by Peter Breggin, and Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker, to help understand the experiences that you describe having with your wife.

 

I congratulate you on your insight in realizing that the drugs were causing the problems. It took me 20 years to figure that out for myself. Breggin talks about that in Medication Madness, how when people are taking the drugs, the effect of the drugs makes it difficult for them to see how much they are being changed by them.

[Konjo]

Thank you very much for your support.

 

I know that this withdrawal schedule is quite fast. But I cannot convince her to change that because it was advised by her doctor.

 

My hope is that she used this drug just for several months. She started at mid December 2012. Slowly from 2,5 mg she went into 5 and 10. In end February/ beginning of March her doc upper the dose into 15 mg but very quickly that produces severe physical side-effects. On 15 mg she was just several days.

From that time she is gradually lowering her dose according to her doc schedule. Additionally she is feeling herself pretty well (physically and mentally) right now and from this perspective she doesn't want to listen to stories I read online.

 

Dr Breggin lives in our area and I already contacted his office.

I informed my wife about him and said that if she only wants we can set appointment with him.

 

Thanks again for your support.

 

K.

[Nikki]

HI

 

You sound like a loving partner. If you go over to symptoms discussion you can read a post by Healing on Neuro-emotions. It is what you see in your wife. If you can get her to come on to the board she may be able to see things in a better light.

 

One of the hardest things I did in my life was to get off Lexapro, and I had to do it alone. I leaned heavily on friends and my daughter and mother. You wife is fortunate to have you. Sadly she can't see things clearly due to Neuro-emotions from WD.

 

As much as you want to care for her, please remember to take care of yourself too.

 

Getting her to read thru the site would be very good for her.

 

Nikki

[Rhiannon]

Thank you very much for your support.

 

I know that this withdrawal schedule is quite fast. But I cannot convince her to change that because it was advised by her doctor.

 

My hope is that she used this drug just for several months. She started at mid December 2012. Slowly from 2,5 mg she went into 5 and 10. In end February/ beginning of March her doc upper the dose into 15 mg but very quickly that produces severe physical side-effects. On 15 mg she was just several days.

From that time she is gradually lowering her dose according to her doc schedule. Additionally she is feeling herself pretty well (physically and mentally) right now and from this perspective she doesn't want to listen to stories I read online.

 

Dr Breggin lives in our area and I already contacted his office.

I informed my wife about him and said that if she only wants we can set appointment with him.

 

Thanks again for your support.

 

K.

 

Dr. Breggin would be an amazing resource, if you could get to see him. I should say that in his books the taper pace he recommends is too fast for many people. But it's much slower than what your wife is doing now.

 

Please at least let her know that alternating dosages from one day to the next is a minefield. Most people we see here do very poorly when they try that approach. Much better to take half a dose but take it every day at the same time.

[Barbarannamated]

Konjo,,

 

I found this forum after i sailed through a too fast and sloppy taper of Pristiq (~8 months). I had some anxiety and emotional surges similar to your wife but I was very functional DURING THE TAPER. Protracted withdrawal hit me a few months after my last dose and I'm only beginning to regain some daily function now, at 2 years out. I wish I had it to do over again. The fact that your wife IS having some issues now is concerning.

 

It's heartwarming to hear how you are helping and supporting her through this.

[Jemima]

 

Last year she got some migraine. She went to medical place and they send her to neurologist/psychiatrist for a meeting.

Doctor give her some medications for migraines but this caused side effect - nausea. She started to use Ginger supplement to fight nausea with success. She discontinued this migraine medications because of side effects. Migraines never went back. But her new doctor after interview realized that she had some seasonal mood disorder. First it was lack of Vitamin D etc. After several months doctor proposed her "very light, new generation antidepressant" It was Lexapro.

She started to use it in December 2012.

Lies, lies, and more lies! Lexapro is a very strong antidepressant with lots of side effects. In addition, prescribing Lexapro for pain is an off-label use.

 

I went off Lexapro with that alternate-day dosage at the end and a month later my trip through Hell started. I've been off the poison for sixteen months and am still not back to normal, mostly in terms of apathy and numbed emotions. The first three months of withdrawal from Lexapro were painful beyond belief, and I could just barely go out once or twice a week to buy necessities. I wouldn't wish what I suffered on anyone except maybe the inventor of Lexapro.

 

I do hope that your wife will be willing to browse our discussion forum on Tapering. I hate to see her do this the hard way.

 

You sound like a wonderfully good man and I wish both of you the very best.

[dewayne76]

Konjo,

 

I'm new to the site. I haven't made an introductory yet, but I will. My name is Dewayne, as you probably guessed by my tag. I am a victim of the SSRI Spouse/Divorce epidemic. I have met with several people locally, spoke on the phone with some that I've met online as well that all have had the same experience, some were even the medicated ones.

 

Your story is so familiar with mine. Of course, we had the ups and downs as well as any marriage but DEFINITELY nothing worth what I got, mainly the Divorce part. I was always willing to change anything I needed to, to try and make my wife happy. In march of 2012 before selling our house and hotrods to start a business, I asked my wife (now ex) If she was 110% happy with me, the marriage and family. She gave a perfect response, telling me she was still very much in love with me and if anything, she should be worried about me leaving her.

 

She started Citalopram on June 19. 20mg for minor chest pains, NOT Depression. Inside of 3 months, I no longer recognized my wife. All the symptoms were there. Lying, cheating, hypomania, drinking, trying drugs, all of which she despised. Running with the new crowd. Affairs with 18yo punk kids, running our business into the ground, etc.

 

So you're not the only one, but at least you haven't lost as much as I have. It sounds like you may still be able to fix your family. Right now, I am divorced and watching her have this weird life thing going on with a 20yo kid that looks like he's 15. In fact, all of his facebook pics are of him in high school class, or on the bus, lol. She's almost 30. He's completely different from what she use to be attracted to.

 

So I really do understand your position. With that said, I truly do hope the best for you guys. I am losing faith, but I will still pray for you guys and hope for a full recovery soon and you guys to get on with your lives as you had planned.

 

Dewayne

[Finn]

Hello,

 

I am so sorry to hear your story. You sound like such a caring person. I hope this site can help with any answers or support you might need. These drugs hurt people. There might not be a fast, easy solution, but I hope with patience and time, things can improve.

[strawberry17]

Another one chipping in to say you sound like such a caring husband, I would also reiterate what others have said, I crashed and burned many times by doing the alternate day thing with antidepressants, and Jemima is right, these drugs are NOT benign, you were both sold a lie as many of us have been here. I know though that it's very hard to convince people that doctors don't have all the answers.

[btdt]

Hi Konjo 

I just read the posts you made from the Topix thread.  You can find my post there on page 16 under BTD. 

I have been doing this a long time going through withdrawal from a cold turkey I was drugged a long time so please don't think my story will be your wife's story.  Still due to the long time reading I have watched a lot of people try to come off these drugs. I know what it is like to be functional on the outside but have half the inside gone at the same time while drugged.  You wife may look ok and may think she is ok and still not really be ok.  She will not see this till later if she is the same as a lot of people here and myself. Read what I wrote on page 16 of your Topix post it explains it as well as I can. 

 

I know she wants to respect the knowledge of the doctor who is suggesting her taper schedule right now I too  have read the scientific studies that say taking a drug every other day is sound however a lot of what I have read in the science regarding these drugs has been proven to be false or at the very least contradicted by further study.  While I am not suggesting you disrespect you wife's wishes I am suggesting to you that she may not be functioning as well as she thinks she is and may not be aware of it till after she has quite a bit of time away from the drug.  I know it is tempting to do this as fast as possible hey I went cold turkey as I thought I could not stand it any longer and I failed at tapering.  I felt so bad tapering I thought stopping it sooner would end the suffering sooner when actually it turns out to be the opposite. 

 

I don't know what you can do to get your wife to reconsider not doing an every other day taper or to do a longer daily taper...maybe stay at this dose for an extended time if she feels ok with it.  

 

I am going to say some things here you may have read other places just to be sure you see them.  

It does not take a long long time for these drugs to change a brain.  Once the brain is changed however it takes a long time for the body to undue the changes as the body cannot do things quickly like the drug can.  It is my understanding that increasing serotonin causes the body to think there is too much serotonin so the body stops making as much serotonin and some of the receptors for serotonin are shut down by the body....all because the body thinks pill increasing the serotonin is it's mistake and it is trying to repair the mistake. 

 

So when she stops taking the drug she will have less serotonin being made by the body on top of that some of the receptors that use the serotonin are shut down... this will cause her to not have enough serotonin  - please do not think my simple attempt to explain it here is how it actually works I am sure it is much more complex than this ... I am not an educated person... basics is all you get from me.  We think this is the cause of withdrawal or part of it at least. 

 

So by reducing the medication slowly especially if she is feeling ok is the best way to do this because it allows the body to start making more serotonin slowly which is the only way the body can make it...SLOWLY and get more receptors going. 

 

Many people have done this and this is the best way we can say to do it... reduce wait wks... 3-6 see how she feels if she is good at some point in that time reduce again... by 5-10 %   

 

She is at a place now which is tolerable but it can get worse after she stops if that happens it turns out to be faster to just go off slowly... 

 

Please show her these posts so she knows 

That is it for me... I wish her a speedy recover and peace to both of you.