☼ Hello. mammaP checking in!

[mammaP]

I am reluctant to ask my doctor for tablets after he was so reluctant to give me liquid, and he visibly 

snorted with disbelief and shook his head when I told him I am very sensitive to meds and even have

to take care with additives. He doesn't know me really and sure he thinks I am hypochondrac!

He wanted me to just stop and said I was making things worse with a slow taper. I really don't

think he would give me a script for tablets now.    I'll stick with the beads for now and try to stabilise again.

I think maybe stress took it's toll, plus I took a full 75mg cap by mistake a few weeks ago, then the change to liquid,

perhaps it's all catching up with me and I need to stabilise at the dose I was ok with, 4 beads. Does that sound right Alto?

Or am I hoping against hope that it will settle again? 

[MaryKA]

What such bad luck mammaP. To have a liquid that damages your skin and you've been taking it internally. I hope you start feeling better soon.

 

Is it time to go to another doctor in the practice? Or even a new practice? What you say about your current GP makes me think of a 'breakdown in your working relationship'. I'm in Scotland like you and I've not have to argue hard for what I want....

[mammaP]

Thanks Katie, there are a few doctors in the practice so think I'll be seeing another one. 

There was one who was good about my BP meds and gave me a tiny dose to try because

he'd read my notes and noticed I was sensitive to a lot of meds. It's very hard to get an

appointment with him and have to be booked a month in advance! I only got him that time

because it was an emergency and he was the only doctor still there. I will try though,

I don't want to see the other one if I can help it bur he is often the only one with any spaces.

Now I know why!! 

 

Feel a bit better today, still feel physically ill but more positive. Had lunch with my daughter today,

First time in months and we used to have lunch out once a week. I still don't know what went wrong 

there but it's over and we are all moving on from it. It was nice. 

[Altostrata]

Yes, you might settle with 4 beads again.

 

Don't be embarrassed to ask your doctor for tablets -- you can tell him you had an obvious allergic reaction.

[mammaP]

I felt really ill while taking the liquid but feel much better now, yesterday I actually did something!

I flattened cereal boxes and cut them into strips, then put then in a drawer to make dividers. 

Now all my hair stuff and cosmetics are easy seen. Those pesky velcro rollers are a nightmare for 

sticking to everything but now they are all organised. And this morning I was up and had been to

the shops before 10am. That is unheard of, lol. All good and long may it continue. 

 

Hope everyone else is having a good day too. 

[mammaP]

Well my 2 good days was are over as today I'm back to exhausted and pain. Was good while it lasted

and its a sign that things are settling down again.  It's a shame they had to be spent inside dealing with

other peoples incompetence! One day had to be spent ridding the computer of viruses, then more that

were dumped on it after following a link given by technical support! Lodged a complaint but not even an

acknowledgement. Yesterday got to the local shop early then had to wait in for a courier who never arrived,

despite being promised that day. The same courier that didn't arrive on Tuesday and had to be rebooked!

 

Physio today which means I won't be fit for anything tomorrow but they insist it will benefit me eventually. 

[tezza]

MammaP,

 

I'm sorry you're feeling bad again. Maybe it won't take too long for things to settle back down for you.

[MaryKA]

I'm glad you had a couple of good days! That is so fantastic after what you've had for weeks! Hope the good times come back soon, and stay for longer.

[Rhiannon]

Yep, the good times are a good sign, even though they don't last so long.  They will come back.

[mammaP]

When I was very young I had facial tics, Somewhere along the path of growing up they were

replaced by vocal tics and throat clearing. Somewhere they disappeared and I can't remember when

it's so long ago. Now I find that both are back, together, how and why I have no idea but I hate to think of being

plagued by them now!  Could it just be stress? Or is it to do with withdrawal?  I'm only just starting to go out briefly

but don't want to be out while pulling faces and grunting!! 

 

 Does anyone else suffer with this? I read online it could be a form of tourettes, another site said OCD. 

I can do without this. 

[mammaP]

Was exhausted all weekend and in bed for much of today but it's more physical now.

Mentally I don't feel bad, just very very tired. Feel a bit better now it's bedtime and hoping

for some good sleep. I've hardly slept lately, no more than 2 hours a night so no wonder I'm exhausted! 

 

Tomorrow is another day. 

[mammaP]

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep, I need sleeeeeeeeeep!  I just don't sleep more than an hour or two and I'm sure that is

more of a problem than actual withdrawal. I have a chronic sleep disorder and always have but tend to blame

everything and anything on withdrawal and stress when really a good nights sleep would make a huge difference.

Tonight I am going to start working on sleep. I feel that I have settled again on my 4 beads so maybe will be able to

get into a pattern. 

[Rhiannon]

I'm sorry mammaP. Sleep is SO important. Hopefully you'll settle down soon and be able to catch up.

[mammaP]

Still no sleep, probably had no more than an hour last night and that was broken  .

I seem to cope ok for a while then it catches up with me. I started sleep therapy before I started tapering

and was getting 4 hours after 6 weeks therapy, which was amazing for me. Then started tapering and it

all went out the window! Part of the therapy was sleep restriction and only being in bed for 5 hours. I'm

going to try that again and see if I can do it. The therapist said to wait until I've stabilised off the AD's but that

seems so far away! Can't hurt to try so will give it a whirl. I have a dawn simulator clock which is an alarm

clock with sounds and light. The light dims over 10,20.30 or 60 minutes simulating dusk, and comes to full brightness

the same way in the mornings. There are sleep sounds, including white noise, rain, waves and soothing 'stories'.My

favourite wake up call is the dawn chorus. 

 

Over a year ago it broke and the light stopped working so sent it away for repair. When it came back the 

light and sound didn't go off completely so I shoved it in a cupboard. Yesterday I ordered a new lightbbox 

that does the same job, then pulled out the old broken clock to check it over before donating it. 

Whadya know, it was ok after all, I just forgot to re-set it after it's repair which returned it to factory settings  .

 

So, tonight I will be going to bed at 12 and setting the clock for 5am.  I must not get into bed in the meantime,

I can lay on the sofa, the floor or even the table if I'm brave but not my bed. It's gonna be torture but worth it

if I get to sleep every night for more than a couple of hours. 

[kaza31]

hi mammaP

 

I too have one of those lights, I set mine at night on the sunset timer for half an hour. I read my book and over the half hour the light starts to dim until it finally goes out and you are in the dark. its meant to help produce the melatonin in the brain to activate sleep.  then in the morning over a half hour period before the alarm goes off, a bright light is radiated which is meant to ease you out of your sleep more gently and help awaken you.

 

I find mine really helpful, I think it will be really useful when the dark mornings start coming in.  I still don't sleep consistently during the night, I do waken a few times but I do sleep for a couple hours then when I waken im able to get back to sleep easily , this is definitely a great improvement from someone who hardly got to sleep at  night until maybe 4 or 5 in the morning..

 

I hope using yours again you might start to see some results in your sleep

 

take care

 

Kx

[Nikki]

Involuntary eye twitching, bruxism.....the eye twitching happens after a drop and bruxism started right away from taking AD's and hasn't stopped for years now.

[Jemima]

These tics are sometimes due to antidepressant withdrawal.  You might want to read this topic under Symptoms and self-care:

 

Tardive Dyskinesia

[Meimeiquest]

MammaP, I did a "sleep diet" coming off a benzo the first time. It's a bit brutal but it worked. Good luck! I'll think of you on the table

[mammaP]

I gave in today and went to bed at 4.30, just had to lie down and the table was too high and hard,  

dozed a bit and had that awful feeling of being frozen and unable to move, trying to wake up 

but can't. Then the doorbell dragged me out of it and it was 7.15! Will probably ruin any chance of sleep tonight 

but really needed it. I had to go out and couldn't contemplate driving. Was too late by the time I got up again!

 

Thanks for the link Jemima, I was worried that I would be stuck with these rotten tics but they seem to be settling

down a bit now , I think it might be with the disruption of changing from beads to liquid and back again, hopefully

they won't be back. 

[MaryKA]

Hi mammaP, just want to say hi, and I hope you sleep tonight.

[mammaP]

Didn't sleep much but what I had was good sleep, coupled with the nap in the afternoon

feel much brighter today and ready to go to the shops before they are even open! 

The window is open again but MUST control myself and not do too much. 

[mammaP]

So much for controlling myself! I had a good day but find it very hard not to get stuck in and sort things when I'm feeling ok.

I decided to tackle my paper clutter and went through 12 years of statements and bills    ! Had to leave it all and go to bed

but I actually SLEPT !!! Woke up a few times but drifted off again , then got up to a living room floor that is a sea of paper 

Now to get rid, I'm going to soak the important ones in water and bleach then pack them tight into a plastic box to make bricks

and give them to my son for his wood burning stove. I don't have a shredder and wouldn't know what to do with the sheer volume

of shredded paper!  Deep breath and dive in. 

[mammaP]

All paper now in relevant boxes, was not too bad, all in piles but on the floor, Then I collapsed in bed 

and slept again, that's a marathon sleep for me and I could go back to sleep right now! 

Went to bed at 11.30pm, up at 10.30am, back in bed at 1.30pm and up again at 6 30pm

Still sleepy, this is REALLY odd! 

[Altostrata]

Sleep is good, it's healing.

[mammaP]

This sleeping is really strange for me! I am sleeping much better but am also having to go back to bed in the morning, going back to sleep then again in the afternoon, usually 2 hours from 4-6. The only time I've slept this much was when I had carbon monoxide poisoning! 

 

It is nice though, snuggling down and drifting off to sleep. It's still broken sleep, waking several times but not laid awake for hours. I'm drifting in and out of sleep instead of lying awake.  

[Jemima]

I think this is a sign of healing.  Once I was able to sleep, I started sleeping for ten to twelve hours a night as opposed to my usual seven to seven and a half before antidepressants turned my life upside down.  I still need nine hours a night in my twentieth month from a too-fast taper off of Lexapro, but that occasionally decreases to eight and a half. I'm still in the anhedonia phase, so I'm hoping this means I'm getting closer to being fully healed.

[MaryKA]

I had waves of sleepiness while I was reinstating in June. A whole month's worth, at least. I just had to go with the flow, but I believe that's the thing to do when it comes to sleep.

 

Hope you're sleeping now, mammaP! Night night zzzzz

[mammaP]

Thank you everyone,you are absolutely right about sleeping when I need to. I was trying the sleep restriction

thing and actually think that just 2 nights of self imposed sleep deprivation got me sleeping like a baby!

I felt much better today than I have in a long time and I'm sure it's because I've had some good quality sleep.

Hopefully it will continue 

[Rhiannon]

 

Thank you everyone,you are absolutely right about sleeping when I need to. I was trying the sleep restriction

thing and actually think that just 2 nights of self imposed sleep deprivation got me sleeping like a baby!

I felt much better today than I have in a long time and I'm sure it's because I've had some good quality sleep.

Hopefully it will continue 

 

 

Yay! and useful, I will remember about the sleep deprivation trick.

[mammaP]

No napping yesterday and no sleep last night, wasn't even the slightest bit sleepy! Hope I'm not back

 on the no sleep merry go round. Feel fine but a bit light headed. Will resist napping today,

will be out most of the afternoon. Will go to bed when I can't keep my eyes open but leave the alarm set

for 7.15. Hopefully will get some sleep tonight, it makes such a HUGE difference to get even a few hours good quality sleep.

.

[mammaP]

Had a busy few days, busy for me but probably boring for most people.  Had an appointment every day this week

which meant I HAD to go out so it's good that I felt better or would have had to cancel. It's caught up with me today

and felt ill this morning but had a physio appointment so pushed myself to get up and go. Came back and went to bed

and slept till 6.30pm the woke up in terrible pain and couldn't walk! Food and painkillers got me moving again but  

really fed up that I can't do much at all without being exhausted and in pain.  It's awful feeling motivated but having to

stop yourself doing things because you know it will make you sick. Yesterday I went for my psychologist appointment ,

visited a friend who has been very ill in hospital, and visited my grandaughter. All within half a mile of each other and I

was driving so it wasn't too taxing. 

It was a huge step forward to visit my friend, I haven't seen her for 2 or even 3 years, we keep in touch on facebook

but haven't met face to face in all that time because I haven't been socialising for so long, putting people off visiting me

and not being up to or even wanting to see people.

[mammaP]

Feel physically ill  and exhausted again today. I was referred to physio by the ortho consultant and every time I go I'm 

in pain. It sets off something else so there's more pain than before! I was working hip muscles that made

the joints much worse, changed therapist and she said stop those because they are irritating the joints.

Then gave me pelvic exercises and they have caused my back to flare up and go into spasm. Plus all

the walking to get there is making my joints hurt.  They say it's not good to make something else sore

but that seems inevitable. Can't win! 

 

Feel fine regarding withdrawal so that's a good thing. 

[areyouthere]

Hi MammaP. Sounding positive...! Good for you to visit your friend. I'm sure it was  much appreciated!!! Being tired or having to hold back on activity when you actually feel good because you know you will suffer later can REALLY be frustrating!!

 

Hang in there! One foot in fron t of the other right ?!

[mammaP]

Today has been awful, in lots of pain and exhausted, in and out of bed all day. Wasn't well yesterday then 

my daughter invited me for lunch so went and had a trip round the local bargain store so today is payback.

I really should listen to my body instead of pushing it.  Early night and hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

[mammaP]

The last few days have been bad physically with my ongoing conditions but have to say that mentally feel very well

with no signs of withdrawal symptoms  . I went to have my hair done yesterday for the first time in years. I walked

past the salon on the way to the post office. It was empty so I went right in and asked if they could do something with my 'mop'.

30 minutes later walked out with a new hairstyle!  I had just showered so had a dry cut and straightened. It feels great. 

[Meimeiquest]

Resuming life's simple pleasures