☼ Hello. mammaP checking in!

[SDOE]

Mamma P I just noticed a long time ago, you inquired about the pressure in my eye.  I completely suspect the reason the pressure went down was because I quit taking testosterone ( I was using bio-identicals, essentially hormone replacement.)

 

[mammaP]

Wow it has been such a long time since i updated my intro.  Life has been busy with grandchildren, even in the pandemic. When we went into lockdown I decided to make scrubs for local doctors, but soon made a mess of that so tried masks instead. I haven't had the sewing machine out for years and soon learned that arthritic hands and sewing  aren't easy. It took too long so gave up and decided that children are much more fun 😅. As we live next door to each other we isolated as a family and it worked well. One of them stays for a sleepover most nights and the now 2 year old little cutie has to come for cuddles and dancing every day.  

 

i started having panic attacks a few months ago and went to my gp. Told her I did not want meds but wanted someone i could talk to about my PTSD.  This is where it gets 'interesting'.  I had a call from psychological services who said that because I have a bi polar diagnosis I couldn't be referred to a counsellor, i would need to be assessed by a psychiatrist first. That was fun 😄😄.   It was a phone call because of covid. Questions were fired at me from the DSM. It was like taking an exam when you know the subject inside out. 😃.  All the usual ones with 1-10 scores and anyone filling it in will tick the boxes for moderate to severe depression.  

 

"Do you feel you have super powers?"   I wish!! 

"Do you feel you can achieve anything?"  'laughs'  I wish! 

"Have you had mania recently?"  I never had mania I had reactions to the drugs.

"You took street drugs?"  No, the ones that were supplied by doctors, I had adverse reactions to most of them, mania was a reaction. 

"That can happen unfortunately."  Almost fell off my chair, a shrink admitting this! 

"My job is to prescribe medication, if you cannot tolerate it or do not wish to take it  then I can't help you. I will refer you for talking therapy. 

 

All the questions about mania came after I had scored low on the depression chart. I swear they assume that anyone who does not have depression must be manic! 

 

That crisis passed, it was PTSD rearing it's ugly head again and i couldn't pull myself out of it. Years ago I took the drugs, now I know better and it is thanks to this amazing place! 

 

When I was in the depths of the PTSD,  (which stems from childhood trauma),  I decided to apply for compensation.   I had to get my GP records.  My whole life in a pile of paper. It was shocking to read the psychiatric reports.  Hospital admissions, ECT, many more drugs than I remembered.  Letters to my GP accusing me of making up side effects and questioning compliance. Drug after drug, withdrawal, and being so sick i could barely move and they said it was all psychological. Some felt sorry that they couldn't find something to help, others dismissed me as histrionic. It has made interesting reading. I am not upset by it, but it is very clear that the treatment was disgusting. 

 

I am going to go through them again in the morning and note all the drugs that were prescribed. I will then list them here. I wanted to update this when i read all that stuff, this is where I wanted to let off a bit of steam.  It was like reading a horror movie about someone else.  

 

I have thought about writing my success story, it is 5 years since i quit effexor. My tramadol taper is still super slow, no counting it became too much to work out and mistakes were made so now it is one drop of liquid at a time with 2-4 weeks between.  It is less than 1% but i am not bothered like I was. It is better this slow. Any more and I get withdrawal after a day or so then take weeks to settle again so I stick with this, one drop at a time. If I wait till I am off it my success story will never get written and after reading my history that was written by others i want to share it.  I need to get these papers off first though, I can only think about one thing at a time these days! 

 

i hope everyone is as well as can be.  Hugs for all who need one. 

MammaP

💓

Edited August 12, 2020 by mammaP

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, mammaP said:

Hugs for all

Great to hear from you, mammaP!

[mammaP]

On 8/12/2020 at 10:45 PM, Gridley said:

Great to hear from you, mammaP!

Thanks Gridley, it's been a while! You are doing a fantastic job here. I miss helping out and hope that one day I might be able to help again in small ways. 

 

I wanted to clarify some things that I said in my last post. I talked about not calculating or measuring. That is NOT what SA is about and I apologise for

looking blase and rebellious! 

 

I do have to work things out but my reductions are so tiny that a drop at a time is my limit. I have used many formulations in the 5 years I've been tapering tramadol and this is what works best for me.  I mix the powder in water, it was a 50mg to 5ml ratio for a long time, using various syringes from 10ml to 0.5 ml.  I now use a 50mg to 10ml and 1 syringe. I increase the number of drops that I discard, thus lowering the dose.  If I have zero symptoms  I reduce again in 2 weeks, if there are any symptoms at all, however mild, I hold for however long it takes.  When I have reduced by 0.25ml  (5 drops) I have a long hold of 1-2 months.  I held for over 6 months before I started this regime, because whatever I did I would get withdrawal symptoms. I actually resigned myself to staying on it forever at the low dose.

5 drops takes me down to the half ml mark and I start counting again.  I am currently at  3.5 ml -3 drops. When I get to 3 ml I will dilute it further, or the % reduction will rise. 

It looks confusing but it is based on @brassmonkey plan.  

 

A bit more background. I had childhood trauma and an extremely violent ex husband which led to PTSD.  I went to my GP and asked for counselling. He referred me to a psychiatrist who had no clue about trauma therapy.   I was given drugs, drugs and more drugs. The more they gave me the worse I got. They blamed the trauma and then claimed clinical depression. ECT followed after it was decided I had treatment resistant depression. The Bi polar diagnosis followed  and I spent many years housebound and at times bed ridden.  Then I found SA and I believe this forum literally saved my life by teaching me how to get safely off the drugs I believe were slowly killing me.  I too my last effexor in 2015 after tapering for 3 years from 37.5

 

I was shocked when  I was told that I could not have talking therapy because I have a bi polar diagnosis!  After i told the psychiatrist that I was not interested and not suffering from mental illness but from stress and need to speak to someone she agreed.  I was on the phone for 10 minutes being 'assessed' and the questions were fired at me in quick succession from a check list.  The good thing was that she accepted side effects and withdrawal, which was a shock!    

 

When I picked up my GP records I was very nervous about seeing what had been reported by the psychiatrists and it was a shock.  The most shocking one was from a locul who said I appeared to be in pain but did not complain. "She grimaced and winced several times, with hystrionic movements to gain attention"  . That really upset me because i was in agony,  I have arthritis everywhere and at that time was waiting for surgery. The slightest movement was like having red hot  skewers jabbed into my joints. I had never seen him before and never saw him again!  

 

My stays in hospital were detailed with all the drugs, one after another. Withdrawal not accepted but side effects were logged.  I am going through them today now my head is a bit clearer.  

 

For those who are just starting on this journey, it will be a roller coaster, but you will get there. Take it slow and steady and most of all you need to develop patience. It will be the thing that gets you through and out the other side. The tunnel does have a light at the end of it, a big bright one! ☀️

[Cheeky]

Hi MammaP
I’m just chiming in to say I admire your strength fir what you’ve been through . You give me hope that I too can get so a small dose as well. 
You really are a true Survivor 

I wish you all the best 🌈

[curiousnootropics]

How are you now ?