☼ Hello. mammaP checking in!

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

mammaP,

 

What a delightful story about seeing the Northern lights! I read it last night and I got little goose bumps from your description, it was written with such descriptive wording that I could almost 'feel' being there. I am glad you posted it in your thread as I do not look at Off Topic very often. I hope you will post pictures when they become available.

 

Kudos to you for the house and craft cleaning! It seems as you and I are in the same mode at about the same time, how delightful! I am so happy for you that you are able to do this, it is so hard to get to this point that we think we will never get there, but we do. It just took a long time to let it percolate under the surface and then it finally arrives. Cheers to you!

[lundeliz]

mammaP, I love your beach story.  I read through your posts and you are doing so well now, it gives me so

 

much hope. I hope the rest of your taper goes without a hitch. I hope you will have many more

 

wonderful evenings, and I hope I will be able to post one day about a wonderful time I have had.

 

Thanks for the hope.

[MaryKA]

mammaP, I'm so glad you are having a positive time. Take it easy and pace yourself if you need to, but the good times after so many bad or non-existent) must be lovely to have

[mammaP]

Thank you, The last couple of weeks have been really good and I've been well enough

to take part and enjoy some lovely experiences.

Today I feel quite ill but not down. I think some of it is withdrawal, light headed and 'wired' .

Some is my usual physical stuff, my body is screaming at me to hit the brakes! 

So that is what I'm doing. My car needs a wash because it looks disgusting and badly neglected,

it was my plan to hose it down but instead I'm taking it to the car wash along the road.

The nice young men there will wash, polish and hoover it while I visit the gallery and gift shop

for a cup of coffee. I'm learning to take care of myself and not feel guilty about it! 

[alex]

. I'm learning to take care of myself and not feel guilty about it! 

 

GOOD!! The most important person right now is YOU...

Scotland is a place I've always wanted to visit; maybe someday.....

 

Hugs from tropical C.R.

[mammaP]

Thanks Alex. I didn't get the car washed, my daughter came to visit and we had a lovely afternoon 

catching up. The car will still be dirty tomorrow! 

I love Scotland, I was born and bred in England but we 'emigrated' to Scotland 22 years ago.  

[mammaP]

Not good today, IBS flare up, no sleep, agitated and weepy.  

Knew it would happen and will just ride it out. 

 

Duvet here I come!

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

 

Knew it would happen and will just ride it out.

 

We do get a lot of practice with this, don't we?   

 

 

Duvet here I come!

 

I know 'duvet' as a covering for a down quilt. Is this how you say you are going to hit the rack? Bed surfing is sure a good way to ride out whatever is ailing you!

[mammaP]

 

 

Knew it would happen and will just ride it out.

 

We do get a lot of practice with this, don't we? 

 

 

Duvet here I come!

 

I know 'duvet' as a covering for a down quilt. Is this how you say you are going to hit the rack? Bed surfing is sure a good way to ride out whatever is ailing you!

 

Duvet is the name for a quilt here, a 'duvet day' is a lazy day on the sofa with films and cups of tea .  

 

Another surfer day today, very very tired and in pain. Feel quite down too,this is my 'depression' , that I had for many years before AD's.

Not enough to see me taking meds but not well enough to do anything much. All things are transient! 

[tezza]

MammaP, I loved your beach story, too; it's beautiful!

 

I hope this wave doesn't last long!

[kaza31]

hi mammaP

 

hope  your well

 

just wanted to say thanks for the wee tip about the Warburtons gluten free bread.. I got it yesterday and I like it.. so much nicer than the other one I had bought

 

all the best

Kx..

[mammaP]

Thanks everyone, feel a bit better today, still feel drained and tired but not weepy today so that's good. 

[MaryKA]

mammaP, I think with everything that you'd had, you are enjoying yourself famously. It's good to see your good times  

 I hope that the bad times are not too agonisingly impatiently so... 

[mammaP]

No sleep again, that's 3 nights laid awake most of the night. I fall asleep quite quickly but wake up an hour later

and can't get off to sleep again. I wish I could get into a good sleep routine but it just doesn't happen. It's been this

way for years and years. Maybe to do with the ADs I don't know. I can function on 3 hours but with only an hour feel

terrible. Think I'll have to stay up all night tonight, that sorts it out sometimes! 

[MaryKA]

what do you do while you're staying up all night?

[mammaP]

Hi Mary, staying up all night is something I do now and again. When I have a run of bad nights 

then sleep deprivation can see me sleeping like a baby the next day. Self imposed can be quite hard but 

can do it if I have a good book or an addictive computer game! I probably won't do it though, I'm too tired, lol. 

 

I have good news about  my wayward grandson. After he took money I had strong words with him then didn't

see him for a while.Dad told me he was really upset because I was angry with him and embarrassed to come

and see me. He had been in trouble at school and constantly removed from classes because of his behaviour.

Then one day I called school and told them about the boy who is kind hearted, would do anything to help

anyone, helps me out and talks to me. I told them what I thought the problem might be. They thanked me for

calling and said it changes the way they will deal with him. 

 

2 weeks later he is a changed child! He is the boy we all know and love, completely turned around.

Doing well at school, not in any trouble and has stopped hanging out with the crowd he was in with. 

I sent him a message to say I was proud of him for doing well and he came round with a huge smile . 

Whatever school has done it has worked. Dad said he thinks the change is more to do with my getting 

cross with him and telling him off. I never raise my voice to them and he feels that it was just the wake up

call he needed, that he must be going too far when grandma's had enough. 

I felt really bad because he was upset but it is what he needed at the time. Long may it continue! 

[Meimeiquest]

That's a big yahoo!

[MaryKA]

Great news, well done both of you!

[mammaP]

I am so tired I feel sick and lightheaded. I so wish I could sleep normally instead of just an hour or so 

now and again! Didn't go to bed until 3am, was so tired and fell alseep ok. Woke up feeling like I'd had

a good sleep but only 90 minutes had passed! I have no idea what wakes me!. When I wake up sometimes

I am comfy, warm, all is quiet, dark and no pain. I should sleep on but no....I wake up anyway. 

 

I am going on holiday in 2 days with my daughter and 2 toddlers. Will probably get even less sleep. 

I just get on with it usually but then it catches up and I sleep in the daytime for a few days. 

I don't want to spoil the holiday for everyone else too by being so tired. 

I haven't taken sleeping pills for many years but have been considering a few for the holiday.

But that could be worse because of side effects and new drugs. Sigh, I don't drink alcohol usually

but maybe a nip at night might help Or maybe not  :/ 

Ignore me, just moaning, lol. 

[mammaP]

I go away tomorrow for 9 days with my daughter and her 2 toddlers and can you believe it I am in a panic!

I feel really anxious and even scared   . I have talked  to her on the phone but haven't seen her since 

May when we had a hugely stressful week together when she had quit her AD's cold turkey and accused me

of being nasty and critical. She is back on them now but I have no idea how she is with them, except that she

is anxious a lot of the time and finds the boys hard to cope with sometimes. 

I don't blame her for a second for what happened, she was in withdrawal, but  can't help being nervous. 

[areyouthere]

Ohhhhhh I can believe it!! Maybe having a Plan B ( an escape plan) for yourself would help? Any chance of that?

 

RU

[mammaP]

Ohhhhhh I can believe it!! Maybe having a Plan B ( an escape plan) for yourself would help? Any chance of that?

 

RU

No plan B ! The littlest one still takes a nap in the afternoon so I will stay with him and have a nap myself

while mummy takes the older one to the pool or playroom, that should help us both I think. 

She is probably just as nervous as I am actually! The weather forecast is great so shouldn't be holed up in the

hotel very much. The sunshine and swimming pools are going to be very welcome 

[MaryKA]

mammaP, if you can read this, you can be glad you're not in the UK. Winds and rain and frosts have arrived, and we're starting to put on our heating. So I hope the weather there cheers you, and maybe even you're having a good time 

[mammaP]

Hi everyone, back to the cold and wind, brrrr, it's freeeeeeezing after a week of sunshine! 

We had a lovely time, played on the beach and in the pool most of the time. We got along great

and really enjoyed it. It was exhausting and we were all in bed by 9pm, that is just NOT me, I usually

fall into bed in the early hours! Since coming home on Friday I've had 'flu, felt rotten and been in bed

for a few days. Bit better today and went for a little walk to the shop for a newspaper.

 I'm going to try and keep to the early nights, it will be better getting daylight early rather than up

at lunchtime when it's dark by 3.45pm!

 

Away to catch up. 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Yay mammaP!

 

So glad you had a good time! What wonders a change of scenery can do for one. We've missed hearing from you..

 

It gets dark that early in the UK?

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Congrats on becoming a mod! You've always been so helpful to me and to others'

 

Big hugs!

[mammaP]

Thanks CW, I'm happy to help where I can, it's nice to feel useful, I've gained so much here that I want to give something back. 

 

I took a drop from 4 beads to 3 5 days ago and feel fine so far but now feel a bit 'squiffy' . Not quite brain zaps, not quite  dizzy

but not quite normal.  I'm praying it won't get worse because there aren't many options at this stage. I was going to try alternating

between 3 and 4 beads but will never remember where I'm at so decided that to just go with the 3. 

 

Still a bit wiped out with the 'flu but coping. Went out to see my psychologist today, she thinks I'm doing great and only need 4 more

sessions so we can work on my social anxiety. Then picked up my son and went to the garden centre for a browse and a coffee.

Now it's time for pyjamas I think!

[mammaP]

Feel terrible today, am exhausted and my sinuses are blocked from the 'flu I'm recovering from.

Had a brain zap this morning when I moved my eyes,I think my body might be complaining about the loss

of a bead, but maybe it's the sinus thing.  I have to go shopping and really do not feel like it. 

I need to put on my light box too, it is so dull and dark now there is little natural light. 

In winter I wish I was a hedgehog and could hibernate, curled up warm and cosy, sleeping the winter away!

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Sorry you are feeling poorly from sinus and flu, I'm having sinus too and the only way I can tell that is what it is is that my face is swollen up.

 

Although I am not feeling 'depressed' I have started to use my light box in the mornings (and I guess it can be used another time during the day too) just because I am pretty sure that in the past I may have suffered from seasonal depression. It is so hard to find anything that is a sure thing when we feel 'squiffy' (I love that word!) to relieve it because I am sure causes are entwined with withdrawal and recovery (whatever recovery really is) and our bodies just moving through our environments.

 

Hugs to you!

[tezza]

I'm sorry you feel bad, too! Hope you feel well soon!

[mammaP]

Thank you both, feeling a bit grim now, went out to go collect some shopping but had to come home after getting fuel

in the car. Now the computer is playing up and I'm gong to try to sort it out, run some scans etc.

Hopefully it won't die on me in the process! 

[Nikki]

Hi Mama....if you are recovering from a flu you are bound to feel poorly both physically and emotionally.  You are under the weather.

It is hard for most of us to give ourselves permission to just 'be' and recover.  I am brutal on myself this way.  Go, go, go.

 

I was laughing at your desire to hibernate....you can and you should while recovering from the flu.  We can't hibernate here.  It's generally quite warm and sunny.  I do remember hibernating during the winters in New York and it was nice.

[mammaP]

Thanks Nikki, it has been a non starter today. Was in bed until 2.30pm feeling terrible, and couldn't wake up.    Spent all day since trying to fix the computer,

Hope it's going to be ok now, if not it will have to go to the repair shop or will have to buy a new one  . Hopefully all the hours of tinkering will pay off. The online tech support have been great and showed real patience, it's thanks to them if it's worked, I wouldn't have a clue!  Another early night for me, tomorrow is another day.

[mammaP]

All the hours trying to fix the computer were not a success, it has crashed 3 times today with the dreaded blue screen so it's looking like a problem with the machine/hard drive etc. If I disappear it's because it has given up! Think I'll take it to the repair shop tomorrow and see what they say. Hopefully won't need much to fix it. 

 

I've been feeling some withdrawal after dropping a bead. It seems ridiculous that just 1 bead, 1 tiny bead can make such a difference! A bit better now but felt quite depressed and nauseous this morning. Hopefully it's getting better. Also probably worse with getting flu but that's almost gone now, just wiped out. 

 

On the plus side I've been sleeping loads which is very unusual for me but it's good to get some sleep  , 

[mammaP]

I am feeling withdrawal. My grandson is here and wants to make a necklace for his girlfriend (he is 14, she is 12    ) 

 

He has all my beads out on the table looking for the 'ONE' and the noise is really hurting my ears and head!

I want to tell him to go away because every tiny sound is grating on my nerves, like they are raw. Oh dear I

have to be patient,  maybe I should help him? Then he'll be finished sooner and on his way to present it to her.

 

Any other day I would have enjoyed looking through them with him  .

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

mammaP,

 

My heart goes out to you that you are suffering. Why WD doesn't come at more appropriate times (like 'not now') is a mystery. I've been struggling with mine and nothing seems to help (but nothing has made it worse either!) It's just there (and there and there). Ugh!