☼ theelt712: tapering off Zoloft

[theelt712]

I am pleased to say that I begin another writing workshop next week, next Wednesday in fact! :-) It will not take away from me being on here a lot but I am really excited for it. I have an open mic this weekend. More poetry.

[theelt712]

It truly is common. I did drink A LOT more today, it helped but not a lot, I still had those feelings at times. Now, here comes again...for the first time in months...uncontrollable muscle spasms, often triggered by the cold. Ugh! I freaking hate these! They are so painful and never seem to go away, no matter how much I replenish myself...I think my dehydration is getting worse, despite having had Vitamin Water yesterday and drinking water all day.

[alex]

All this suffering experience will lift your spirit and make you a superb poet!!!

I know what I'm telling you

 

Hugs to you Super T.

[theelt712]

Thank you! I just want it to end..,

[alex]

You're welcome; me too.

[theelt712]

Probably had my most emotional event in months. This happened when something I felt semi excited, or as excited as anhedonia would let me be, about did not happen. I just straight up flipped out. And I did not feel madness but I flipped the hell out. I calmed down, talked out, and felt semi relaxed after exhaling. This week begins PMS. Ugh! Everyday seems gray again, though. Sometimes, I just feel like life will always be this numb. And horrible. Part of my mind wants to try drugs again. I am getting to a point where it is unacceptable and I can not take it.

[alex]

. Part of my mind wants to try drugs again. I am getting to a point where it is unacceptable and I can not take it.

 

It would be a HUGE mistake and you know it.You don't want to be stuck with meds for the rest of your young life, making your brain and yourself sicker and sicker...

That is what I remember every time I get angry, scared or frustrated as you are now.

You have to be patient T; you have to be patient, and you'll get your life back and better than ever.

[theelt712]

Thank you Alex, for your continued support through this process. :-)

[Jemima]

Many of us on this forum have, at one time or another, lost patience with the long, slow process of getting through anhedonia and have considered going back on meds. Take a deep breath and remember that not only will more drugs prolong the anhedonia, the long term side effects of antidepressants and antipsychotics are SCARY: decreased lifespan, weight gain, diabetes, heart problems, kidney failure, increased risk of dementia in later years, and probably some things we aren't even aware of at the present time.  Not worth the immediate gratification of--maybe--feeling better for a short time.

 

Hang in there, girlfriend.

[theelt712]

Thank you, Jemima :-). I have had this nagging upper left arm pain I had been trying to ignore all day. Then, when with my friends, my breathing felt soow and my hands went numb....like every other panic attack. I was sure I was gonna die. Then, I got this squeezing sensation IN MY LEFT BREAST, it was so severe, especially when I inhaled, it went from rib to breast but never actually radiated into my chest or anywhere else. It lifted after five minutes, but later in the night I got nauseous. The nausea is partially due to food I ate but I fear I actually had a heart attack. I am 15....so scared. The numbness in my hands went after being distracted for thirty minutes. I am so afraid. :/ You do realize what this does mean...I can actually FEEL ANXIETY. For the first and strongest time in months...

[theelt712]

Another day, another anhedonic trial. I seriously wonder if there is an end to this. I am sick of tired of being sick and tired of waiting! I hate waking up to it daily.

[theelt712]

I'm dehydrated again, I am sure. Having vertigo and weird breathing pauses, it makes it kinda hard to stand up. Here I am with a bottle of Vitamin Water and a huge glass of water I just swallowed down, I hope it helps a lot.

[theelt712]

I will be five months off on Sunday and I can honestly say that I am terrified. Even though a lot of symptoms are gone or going, I am SOSOSO scared that the next three ish months will be the worst of my life. It seems common at this time in WD. Almost half a year off. Let's go.

[Skyler]

Yes but the.. you were not on all that long a time (5 weeks), so it's unlikely you will have the delayed WD you fear.  Think of how well you feel instead. To worry about what may come is useless, and it's probable your recovery will not be complicated. So for now...

 

Enjoy the day!

[alex]

. Even though a lot of symptoms are gone or going,

 

GOOD!!! This is what you have to focus on T;

Don't let your mind trick you.

You will be fine I have NO doubt in my mind.

 

Hugs, A.

[theelt712]

Thank you all, you all make me smile. I found a guy that was really handsome and smart today in poetry group, and that made me smile quite a bit because I was just about to give up on crushes and the sort. That was the highlight of my day. The crush. :-)

[theelt712]

Hi all! The past few days have been stressful as goodness knows, with essays, faults of my own, and other things. Definitely not feeling emotional highs yet, but there's a lot of physical events that go on in place of emotion. When I am depressed, my body begins aching and I get tired easily. I never really feel like eating. The last time I really felt anything was a few days ago...Monday..mildish euphoria. It was when I saw a cute guy in my writing class and really wanted to chase after him. Made memin a semi good mood and actually.. 'happy'. I really miss the highs and lows. PSSD saw a great improvement yesterday in one situation, but I will not go into detail about what that actually was. I have had the oddest nicotine cravings....cravings for a cigarette. This is odd because I quit smoking about a year ago.

 

Trying to be a little bit away from the forums so I cannot think about my anhedonia as much, but I usually do anyway. I miss what I used to feel, the high highs and in some cases, the deep lows. Although, in a lot of ways, the anhedonia protected me from complete emotional destruction this summer in personal situations that I would have otherwise gone through. Either way, I would have gone through hell this summer with loneliness, anhedonic or otherwise. In a lot of ways...I still get disturbed by my loneliness. I want it gone. I want the anhedonia gone and the improvements here forever. Every tarot reading that I have had says that I am becoming open for a new beginning, but before that I will have to go through a lot of anxiety. It says I will be happy in the end. Let's hope so.

[theelt712]

I have noticed that not much is known about these. I, for one, had a severe AR that led to anhedonia. I am a teenager, who became anhedonic thirteen or so days on the med. Most ARs to take a while to recover but Ifear that because I am a teen (15) and I had an AR at so young, recovery is no longer possible without drugs. Even then, it may not work, so why bother? What is known about ARs, and what could be recommended. But then again, my friend was in the same boat and recovered after a week. And she is younger than I.

[Skyler]

Hi the... correctly or not, I see the above as a muse about the possibility of taking more ADs, if not now, possibly in the future. You should keep in mind the adverse response you had to Zoloft means you are much more likely to have a similar response to another AD.

[theelt712]

You are correct, and I do not know, I have considered it as a means of having some sort of quality of life. I know it may end badly if I did, somewhere down the line (talking 2-3 or so years) took ADs.

[theelt712]

Really feeling hopeless and out of options today. I am achy, demotivated, and tired. 5 months off tomorrow.

[Skyler]

You are correct, and I do not know, I have considered it as a means of having some sort of quality of life. I know it may end badly if I did, somewhere down the line (talking 2-3 or so years) took ADs.

 

The problem is, you still have the same body and the same genes, the same factors that went into the development of the adverse reaction in under 5 weeks will sill be there.  I don't think you should take ADs ever again. You risk making yourself as sick, possibly more so, than you have already been.    

 

Sounds to me like you already have a decent quality of life. You just need to learn to deal with your feelings in a better way.  I'd suggest psychodynamic talk therapy, NOT more ADs.

[Jemima]

Everyone is different, Theelt.  The fact that you're still suffering from anhedonia doesn't mean that you're permanently damaged and it may or may not have something to do with your age. There was a time when neuroscience thought that the human brain quit developing at age 26 or so.  Now we know that change is ongoing throughout life. You may not be healing as fast as you'd like, but I promise you that you are healing and will someday feel like your old self, and maybe even better because you'll appreciate being normal. Taking more antidepressants is just going to delay your healing.

 

Being patient is hard for all of us, regardless of age.

 

 

[theelt712]

The question is...what is the difference between an AR and just getting off the med, healingwise? That is my question. ADs will slow down healing for sure but it is all about the quality of life, I guess.

[Skyler]

The,  an adverse reaction starts when you are on meds.. and may continue after you get off... as opposed to just getting off? I don't quite get what your question is. 

 

"ADs will slow down healing".. so if you started to take an AD while you are still healing, you would just slow the recovery process down? The problem is, there is a very real possibility taking another AD would set off a second adverse reaction.  So it's not a matter of slowing down.. it would be a matter of resetting the clock back to when you felt the worst this time, and you could have an even more miserable time of it.

 

You are trying to parse words to set up a scenario wherein it would be okay to take ADs again, but doing so would be very risky. I can't take them because an AD gave me an adverse reaction, and trying a second time started to set off the same response.  

[theelt712]

Five months off today and I really have no expectations, which is odd for me. I do not kmow what to expect or when to expect it, I am at a stagnate point where all healing seems to have slowed or stopped immensely. But anywho, FIVE MONTHS OFF TODAY! ALMOST A HALF YEAR!

[theelt712]

No, I was wondering about the difference in healing between ARs and people who just get off the med after it works for them. People with ARs seem to heal differently than other people who tapered off the med.

[Skyler]

No, I was wondering about the difference in healing between ARs and people who just get off the med after it works for them. People with ARs seem to heal differently than other people who tapered off the med.

 

The fact a medication 'works' (meaning folks are not symptomatic when they are on a prescribed dose of the drug) does not mean there will be no WD,.. people who have a 'good' response are subject to having WD too.  Many on this site who decided to stop taking ADs, either because they were no longer needed or because they 'stopped working', found they had to taper slowly to avoid WD.

 

What made you ask this question? 

[Jemima]

Theelt, I read back over the first few posts in your Intro, and in my opinion, you haven't had an adverse reaction to Zoloft at all, just a common reaction to tapering far too fast. I know it feels awful, but what you're going through is normal withdrawal. The emotional numbing is the last symptom to go and it takes a while.

 

I'm going to merge this topic with your Intro because it's about your personal experiences, not adverse reactions in general.

[theelt712]

Alright, thank you. The problem is..l had emotional numbing whilist on the med. I am confused.

[Jemima]

Emotional numbing takes place while taking the meds and during withdrawal.  Antidepressants actually change the physical structure of the brain, destroying some neurons and growing new ones. That is why we recommend a slow, gradual taper, so that the brain will have some of that chemical support it's used to having while it gradually rebuilds and normalizes itself.

 

Emotional numbing is basically how antidepressants work. No feelings, no depression. Easy peasy, but underlying problems never get resolved.

[theelt712]

I understand, it just sucks. A lot. A year ago at this time, all I wanted was to be numb. The grass is truly greener on the other side.

[Jemima]

I understand, it just sucks. A lot. A year ago at this time, all I wanted was to be numb. The grass is truly greener on the other side.

 

[theelt712]

In a place between confused and weirded out. I get heart palps and chest tightness daily. The palps will happen when I am at rest usually and my heaet will not speed out but skip then pound throughout my body. My breathing is either slowed down usually or makes me feel outside of myself at times. Even though it is so subtle I usually do not realize it till later, bits of feeling are coming back. Not strong ones but mild, subtle ones. I remember feeling mild jealousy today at the day over a friend and an ex of mine, and also mild affection toward someone I like. Today was almost as normal as can be without feeling. My body is returning to NOT getting a period...I have missed one for five days. Very weird. So confused as to where this is leading. Is this as good as it gets for me?

[theelt712]

Having a mini cold, bad nasal drip and bad taste. No menstrual cycle. Since I have ended Zoloft, this is the longest I have gone without it and before Zoloft, I was without one for a year and a half. About four months before taking Zoloft, this is where I was at. With a bad cold and no period, going through hormonal changes. I honestly think that, as much as a cold sucks, this is my body going back to the way it was. Although, the taste in my throat resembles a sinus infection...which could mean antibiotics. Not fun....

[theelt712]

Update: I ended up getting my period minutes after writing the last post. Class field trip today...feeling dreary and dreamy as I listen to this song and head into the weekend, the song brings semi sadness. Feeling more semi feelings than I used to. Certain things bring a tear to my eye.