☼ theelt712: tapering off Zoloft

[theelt712]

About the site, there are a lot of inactive people, including myself. Mostly, I'm trying to get a move on in life.

[mammaP]

Hi Theelt, I'm sorry you are feeling so sick and hope the sinusitis clears up soon.

Mamma hugs. x

[theelt712]

*hugs back* Thank you. I'm probably going to end up taking the Zpac. I feel like crap...

[theelt712]

Started my Zpac for sinusitis today....and I just feel like crap. I feel nauseous and unable to eat anything. Eww. :/ The sinus infection does not help with that either.

[alex]

Hang in there, my dear child; you will be feeling much better after the sinus clears up

 

You are doing just fine.

 

Hugs,A.

[theelt712]

Day 3 on AB's, and my condition has vastly improved. I was able to walk outside, talk to people, actually eat food, sleep more than 3 hours, and DREAM. The bad part? Some palps after eating [or what feels like palps but aren't true palps], breathlessness [likely exacerbated by the infection], MUSCLE SPASMS LIKE HELL [this is horrendous], AND SOME OF THE WORST NAUSEA AND STOMACH PAIN IN THE WORLD AT TIMES, gas/indigestion [i usually have this but it's worse than usual]. But, the infection seems to be healing rapidly. So, I'd say so far, the benefits outweigh the negatives.

[mammaP]

I'm so glad you are getting better Theelt. I always get severe abdominal problems with anti biotics

but they usually clear up after the course is ended. Maybe a pre/pro biotic later might help,

I can never remember which is which but one of them helps replace the good bacteria that is 

destroyed by the antibiotic. 

It's good to see that you've been getting out, eating and sleeping again. 

[theelt712]

Thank you, Momma! I get bad dizziness as well.

[Altostrata]

Be sure to take a good probiotic when you're taking antibiotics. ABs will kill your friendly gut bacteria. If you take the AB in the morning, take the PB in the evening.

[theelt712]

What are some good probiotics again? I forget....I think you mentioned "Goodbelly"...and I take the AB at night, 4ish.

[theelt712]

I do not know if this is the antibiotic or WD but I just felt WAY out of it today. I was physically in school, in classes, but I was mentally somewhere else....brain fog comes to mind. I was not confused, I just felt fatigued and way too daydreamy. It felt like I did not go to school today but I actually did. Maybe it's because I did not get enough sleep or drink a lot of water, and I haven't been eating a lot lately due to sickness, but it scared me. I felt colder than usual, even though my actual body temp was somewhere around 97 ish when I had it taken. The fog cleared up a little in the afternoon but now it's back and it sucks. I keep daydreaming and feeling out of it. Sigh..muscle cramps were bad too. Really bad.

[theelt712]

Hey everyone! I can confirm that the offness in the last post was caused by dehydration. Drinking water made me feel better. I just remembered I have this journal, if you could believe that. A LOT of semi feelings are happening. Mild euphoria, mild sensations of happiness and nolstalgia, stuff that made my life worth it. The return of GI issues has been awful, with bloating and breathlessness, chest pressure, gassiness, etc. I honestly blame the antibiotics [which did work to a great degree except for a cough, I have an appointment on Friday to discuss issues] for this. The GI issues are almost always worse in the mornings. I predict that by this time next year, the anhedonia will be gone. I wasn't able to say that a few months ago. I remember sitting in math class, and I could actually FEEL...in my head, semi euphoria. It dissipated after a few seconds, but I actually drink hot coco for enjoyment again. Some things are going better than others. The PSSD has regressed a bit, though, that's something I'm not all too happy about. I'm hoping there are more improvements this month. I do have a girlfriend now. I am becoming sensitive to loud sounds.

[alex]

GOOD NEWS SUPER T!!!!!!

I told you you would be fine...........

[theelt712]

Thank you. My biggest problem is muscle spasms, aches, weakness and fatigue at the moment. It sucks right now.

[theelt712]

Muscle achy with fatigue and weird heartbeat....I am certain I am PMSing.

[theelt712]

Oh jeez, it's been forever since I've been on here! I have a slew of schoolwork going on and personal problems. My mom just got out of gallbladder surgery on Tuesday, it was emergency, hadn't she got it taken out, it would have ruptured and she could have had major issues. She's currently in bed and I've been helping her get around. I've been having issues with anhedonia, it's an ongoing battle and it sucks. But last night was a little bit of a break from it, but not in the good way. I had a panic attack [triggered by multiple situations], and felt sick to my stomach because of it.

 

Then, I felt some sadness in the pit of my stomach. I've joined a meditation group and a group for people to be in to talk about personal issues and band together. I get really tired and achy at times, sometimes feeling kinda weak and I'm still having odd breathing issues and muscle spasms. he breathing has, as of this week, gotten quite bad. It feels like I will stop breathing often, like my breath will escape me. I am not gasping for air or anything, plus my muscles tense and tire easily. It's very frightening and the breathing is hard to describe. It's getting through that's been the hard part. I've been needing hugs more often than not lately. I got upset yesterday after someone made some harsh comments to me, and I woke up with anxiety in the pit in my stomach.

 

Full emotions have not returned yet, and I also get periods of complete numbness, but it's getting a little better. Certainly better than 6 months ago. I'm trying to push forward, a bit. I'm a little excited for Christmas. I'm hanging out with a guy I like on Thursday. I'm trying to push myself forward. But most of the time, I just become lonely. I'm frustrated with feeling lonely and hopeless to a degree, and this is a pre-WD issue. I'm trying. Happy 7 months off to me!

[theelt712]

Today's update: my breathing issues are better today. I have daily heart palpitations, but I have had some fast food today and it's giving me nausea and other pains. I really shouldn't eat fast food, but there's certain situations that makes that the only option. I get chest pressures/squeezing still as well, same old, same old.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Glad you gave us an update, T. I have been wondering how you have been doing. Must have been stressful with your mom having surgery but it sounds as though you are able to cope. Your post sounds more upbeat than you think, seems as though you are having some better moments here and there. Congrats on the 7 months!

[theelt712]

Thank you! Right now, my breathing issues and horrible intrusive thoughts are my main concerns. My breathing feels like I am not breathing a lot, or feels like I will just stop and it scares me to death....a lot. It's been constant over almost a week, and have been there for way longer but have been worse since my mom got her gallbladder taken out, almost resulting in a few panic attacks and lots of hypochondria. I also get mild chest pains and pressures from time to time.

[alex]

Happy to see you again in the forum.

I can see an overall improvement in your situation T.

What do you mean by "horrible" intrusive thoughts?

[theelt712]

By horrible, I have thoughts of hurting friends, flirting with their significant others just to see what would happen, I'm trying to shut them up. It sucks

[mammaP]

Hi Theelt, sounds like you have been doing better but now have a wave. It is 

lovely to read that you are helping your mum, gall bladder surgery is no picnic

and I'm sure she appreciates your help  very much. 

Remember the intrusive thoughts are not you, hey are withdrawal. A pain in

the neck but they will stop if you don't entertain them. I heard a good 

illustration, "you can't stop a bird landing on your head but you can stop it from

building a nest" . I loved that think of when unwanted thoughts pop

round to torment me, I imagine they are birds and chase them away!  They used to 

upset me until I saw them as unwanted 'birds' I could chase away. 

 

I hope this wave is over for you soon, you have done well lately. 

[theelt712]

I hope this wave is over soon. Damn it, today I've been dizzy a bit, especially with bloating and standing and more breathing issues. It seems to get worse with each wave and better with each window. I'm in my 7th month off, so major rebuilding usually goes on with this time frame. Next window will probably be much better.

[Petunia]

 Next window will probably be much better.

 

... I'm sure it will be, and its just around the corner.  Thank you for updating your thread, I was also wondering how you were doing.  Your Mom is lucky to have you around to help her after her surgery.  The groups you joined sound like they will be very supportive, that was a good idea, you are doing really well. 

[theelt712]

Thank you guys. I've been waking up achy still and feeling really tired lately. Winter doesn't help WD, it makes me feel run down and completely tired at points. Winter's darkness has encapsulated me, and I feel like a hermit half of the time. I hate it, so much. I did hangout with a few friends on Thursday for a couple of hours, and it helped me get my mind off of things. I believe that I need to hangout with people more often for me to keep my sanity, LOL! I can't wait for this anhedonia and achiness/fatigue to go. It's overstayed its welcome.

[theelt712]

Hello lovelies!

 

While I have made progress in anhedonia here and there, very slowly over 7 months, it usually goes back into a state of numbness. It's bugging me a lot lately- I have to do something about it. I need my depth of emotion back. My hope is that in 2014, I get it back and that I never have to think about Zoloft or what it did to me ever again. The anhedonia's really the thing that's holding me back. My hope is that I never have to take another psychoactive psych med in order to correct what another one did to me. If after two years, this is the only progress I've made [by December 2015], then and only then will I consider another psych drug. Never again an SSRI, though. One doc even recommended I go on Prozac a while back to correct anxiety. Not going to happen. I'm tired of waiting at times, I've done it for 7 months. It gets to the point where your brain tells you that you have to do something other than this same routine in order for something to change.

 

Then, I also keep in mind, that amongst all of my friends, family, and just everyone I know- 2013 was everyone's universal crap year. I know so many people this year that almost committed suicide, almost made the most tragic of decisions, that went through the worst of hardships, and very nearly lost everything this year. I know of about 2 people that had a relatively good year. That's it. It's bad....extremely bad. I'm also dealing with a lot of loneliness. I've hungout with about two people during break, but I want my creativity and excitement in life back. That's all I'm asking for. I've had hints of it. I want the entire thing, and nothing less. If I don't get it within a two year period, I'm looking for other alternatives. One thing I've tried not to do recently is not go on the forums so much. Freaking myself out isn't going to get me anywhere. I made a terrible mistake. I'm tired of paying the consequences for it.

 

I've been having weird sleeping patterns lately. I'm waking up literally every three hours and having these oddly vivid dreams. It's some of the oddest crap I've seen in my life, too, such as solving murders. o.O It's weirding me out a bit, plus I don't get truly restful sleep anymore. I get bored all of the time. I guess this is how it is. *sighs* Sorry for the longish rant.

[johnson]

Just wondering, when you have dreams do "feel" emotions?

[theelt712]

Johnson, no, not at all. :/ I can't recall a dream where I've felt emotions in months. I feel sick at the moment. Whenever I eat a PBJ with Doritos, I feel like total crap. I get really bloated and achy. I'm currently so tired that I can fall asleep and I actually slept today. I had a dream and when I woke up, I was shocked because I couldn't feel my heartbeat. I slept on my hand wrong and it had gone numb for about a half hour. I feel bloated, nauseous, and tired. It scares me when I get this tired and achy because my breathing gets weird and it makes me fear that something will happen to me in my sleep. Chest pressure at times now also seems to extend to my back. I spoke to a woman who had a heart attack, and she said her back heart when she had it and she felt unwell, so she decided to call someone and that was that. Provided, this lady was elderly, but it freaked me out. Now, we're supposed to get a snowstorm and I'm sleepy as all hell. I want to feel better.

 

I remember waking up from a dream this morning where the person in my dream was in a coma, so I woke up terrified that I was going to end up in a coma as well. I just remember thinking, "I'm gonna be in a coma, I'm gonna be in a coma, oh my God, this is terrifying...". Today, for the most part, was boring and dreary. I haven't felt like doing anything, nothing sparks my interest. I wrote more today, which is really good. I'm having more creative bursts, but not the feeling I need to spark those bursts. It really sucks. If I can get rid of the fatigue, muscle aches, heart fears and anhedonia, I'd be set. I just want to be set. I'm tired of waiting.

[johnson]

I hear ya on the tired part. I'm tired too, I want everything to get better now. It's been too long.

[theelt712]

I feel you, too. :/ Feel better. I still have those thoughts of taking other meds or drugs just to feel better but I fear that it'd be a huge mistake so I'm waiting a while.

[theelt712]

Hey guys. I wasn't going to post here today, but I had to share this. Last night, I had the most vivid dream I have had in years. I crashed and woke up confused at 12, but then woke up and had an extremely vivid dream. I mean, it's easily the most vivid dream that I've had in almost 4 years. It shocked me so much that I woke up thinking it was the weekend when I quickly realized that it was just Friday. I have been having more and more vivid dreams lately, and it's been very odd. I've also had moments of insomnia lately, which is also odd for me. I also had a nap dream in which I was dizzy. It is wicked cold in the room, I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

[theelt712]

Stopped taking Digel as of right now and OMFG do I feel HORRIBLE. Generally weak, slowed breath, tired, and my stomach is being all sorts weird, and weaker pulse [not my usual strong pulse]. The urge to sleep is rising. I feel like death. Can you have withdrawals from this Digel crap? It feels like it. The ingredients include magnesium....so I'm guessing I'm really sensitive to that. Gonna lay off the digel and high magnesium containing products. The active ingredients are: Simethicone (20 mg), Calcium Carbonate (280 mg), Magnesium Hydroxide (128 mg). Maybe there is too much calcium in it as well.

[Petunia]

Was it helping with your stomach problem? If its making you feel worse, its best not to take it.  According to information here, its generally recommended for only short term use.

[theelt712]

Petu, it did for a short time but now it doesn't. Having issues with vertigo. I turn my head and it feels like it's spinning. It lasts briefely but is bothersome, especially with my fear of heart issues. I still get nausea and mild chest aches when eating (never enough to make me puke, however). Feeling a tiny bit better than yesterday. Still feeling my head spinning, though, and this is new.

[theelt712]

Update: super tired. I have been eating like crap lately, though. This sucks. I can sleep right now. I do fear heart issues, chest ache isn't painful but mildly dull.

[theelt712]

Hey guys, I stopped the Digel for two days now. First day sucked because I still had the bad vertigo and tiredness, today is not bad, still having slight vertigo but now I'm just tired. It hurts to pass gas and using the restroom involved a lot of stomach pain. I ate today, but I'm kind of afraid to eat again. Again, at the moment, I can go to sleep. I just keep fearing something's wrong with my heart or body and that this is going to be bad for me in the end. I'm getting pretty anxious about my breathing, and often fear that I have low oxygen levels. Chest pressure is less but it's still happening. So....freaking...tired. It's horrible.