☼ theelt712: tapering off Zoloft

[theelt712]

A little bit, but with all of the snow delays and personal delays, not much and I have a tech rehearsal for drama on the day of the program next Thursday.

[Altostrata]

Meditative breathing is something you can do anytime, anywhere. When you're standing in line, waiting for the bus, watching TV.

 

Please keep at it, it will be good for you.

[theelt712]

Hey guys...I am 9 months off and at the tail end of a bad cold. My sense of smell is coming back, but my taste has been gone/blunted since Friday and I really hope it was not the sinus meds/tessalon perles that did it. But- being that the taste was gone before the meds were given- I will say it is still the cold. Docs say 10 days before it is gone completely. I still wake up coughing/congested but feel better the rest of the day, everyday a little better. My anxiety has actually diminished quite a bit this week, and I am thankful for that.  

 

The taste thing frightens me, though, and makes me think I may have damaged myself further.  

[mammaP]

Hi Theelt, I'm glad the cold is getting better, I'm sure the taste/smell will get better in time,

I always have problems with it when I have a cold and it clears up eventually.   9 months

off, and you are doing great. It's been a rough road for you but you have travelled it and 

now starting the rest of your life. 

[theelt712]

Hello everyone! I, unfortunately, have a full blown sinus infection and now I get to take Amoxicllin. Yay! :/ I've been having episodes of having a fever and coughing my brains out...I hope that I don't have a bad reaction to the AB's. Never did before, but WD is a whole 'nother game. As for the emotions....they have been coming back a little bit, but they always do during PMS/my period, which I currently have. This PMS and period have not been nearly as awful as months prior have been, which I have been thankful for. The anxiety was a bit down. I'm a bit nervous about taking Amox, I know some members can have a bad reaction to them. I'm almost *10* months in! I actually started writing a story...an idea came to me while I had a huge fever during a stomach bug. My doctors agree that I have a sinus infection and it needs treatment. Amox pills are huge and i have trouble swallowing them all at ones. I got honey and decaf tea at home. Hopefully, because the PMS wasn't as bad, hopefully this is the beginning of things going upward. 

ELT!

[theelt712]

Hey all! Antibiotics are kicking my sinuses's ass and I'm trying to get over a bad breakup.  It's been about 10 months and even though I'm nowhere near where I'm supposed to be with my emotions, I'd have to say that maybe things are going to get better. My PMS and period last month were not nearly as awful as they were in past months. I do have to say that the antibiotics worsen my weird breathing and make it so that my sinuses sorta clench and my nostrils flare with my neck muscles extending as I breathe. It feels scary, but my heart anxiety has been way down recently. My emotions have been coming back a bit more during my PMS and I hope that soon it will extend beyond that, maybe soon I will get back to doing more things I enjoy. I've been pushing myself to write more and something I wrote has just [as of last night] gotten to be over 10,000 words. I've even reintroduced tea into my life, but decaf tea. Mostly good update! Except for the breathing and the part where I'm getting over my boyfriend hurting me.

[mammaP]

Hi Theelt, that is a positive update and I am so glad to see that things are getting better. Anti b's 

affect me badly and I have to admit that I rarely finish the course  ! 

 

You will be so much better once they are finished. Well done with the writing, 10,000 words, wow

that is amazing and I reckon it will be very interesting reading because you write so well. 

 

And for the boyfriend, it's his loss.  You will get over him, just don't let the way he treated you put you off 

relationships for good. There are some decent people out there and one of them will be right for you.

[alex]

:) :)

[theelt712]

Hey guys...life has punched me in the face. Repeatedly. I got broken up with because of jealousy issues. On top of that, the town hospital got shut down, resulting in my mother losing her job. When I first heard about it, I got chest pains. My heart literally felt broken. I protested and ended up being so dizzy from anxiety that I nearly fainted. I woke up today, and I really do not feel motivated to do anything. I am definitely more emotional during sad events than I was months ago, but I have aways to go and hopefully more positive emotions will rebuild themselves in coming months. My body aches and spasms. I really do not like life. It feels like it is all falling on top of me. Job searches. Contemplating dropping out of school...life is a convoluted mess. Gah! Life! Sucks. 

[theelt712]

I looked at today and noticed the calender. ELEVEN MONTHS OFF? Next month, it's a year. It's a year tomorrow since I took my last full dose of Zoloft. Crazy, right? I can't believe it's been almost a year already. I'm sorry for not being on here so much. Unfortunately, the circumstances of life have distracted me quite a lot from being on here. My mom lost her job almost a month ago. The hospital here closed, and she was a medical biller for the hospital for almost two years. She was given three days notice that the hospital was closing, and she and about 530 other people lost their jobs. It was major local news- I participated in a protest [in which I was so filled with anxiety that I nearly fainted multiple times] against it, I've been trying to find work myself, and I nearly contemplated dropping out of school. 

My boyfriend and I broke up, and at first, it seemed like a world of hurt. A lot of complicated stuff went into that break up, but they are happy now. 

I still struggle with hypochondria, and it gets particularly awful around the time in which I am menstruating. I don't know if I should see a therapist or not for it, since I'm not very trustful of them. Yet again, I'm not trustful of many during this harsh time period. Life circumstances distracted me from writing a lot, which I was beginning to do again. 

The only real major thing that I am waiting for to improve is anhedonia, and I'm waiting for it to improve monumentally over the next year. I keep noticing that improvement with it is happening slowly. Surely and oddly enough, I've been remembering a lot of feelings mildly lately. I keep having mild feelings of nostalgia and remembering happy times, and times in which I've felt happy and content with life. I almost remember exact feelings, almost, it just feels like something in my head needs to click. However, it isn't as dull as life was just a year ago, where my brain just seemed to flatline with almost zero interest in anything. I went to a school dance a couple of nights ago where it seemed like an interesting time for everyone and I had a few laughs with friends. One of the more interesting aspects of the dance is the glass of Sprite I had. It felt soothing and relaxing to have, like it quenched my thirst. I hadn't had that feeling in a while. I guess I've just gotten used to it, and it will likely improve within the next year. 

I also feel as if I'm regaining some of my articulacy, and that's partially through writing as much as I have been over the past few months. Oddly enough, an idea for something that I was writing came while I was having a horrible fever and a stomach bug back in early March after preforming at a preliminary acting competition, in which I won an award for the play I preformed in along with a female costar of mine. I am proud to announce that I am the lead role in the new play that I'm currently working on, and although it's a short comedy, I'm struggling a bit to memorize lines. I need to get on myself about practicing a bit more. Procrastination won't solve anything, but it's so easy to fall back and just do nothing. I wish I could improve that aspect of myself. 

I'm beginning to write more lengthy emails to my friends, and I guess that's also improving my articulacy, added to increased testing during school [ugh]. I'm almost done with my sophomore year of high school already, which is surprising! I can't believe I'm headed into junior year. By far, I struggle with math and geometry the most. Aside from hypochondria, and this lingering aspect of anhedonia, which is mainly waiting for 'feelings' to improve. But while waiting, I'm looking for stuff to do inbetween. There are hopes that the poetry group that I was in last summer *is* coming back this summer, so there's that to look forward to. I'm currently on Spring Break, so bring on the warm weather and excitement! This winter has made me despise winter and all it's had to bring. I'm honestly done with snow for the rest of my life at this point. 

Still waiting? Yes. But most see improvements in the second year, so I hear. Just looking for stability. I've been walking more, as the weather's been nicer. I'm beginning to love warm weather and the outdoors. Spent 4 hours outside last week with a few close friends of mine, and time alone with a close friend. I guess that's my life lately.....I hope everyone's doing well. 

 

Today marked something really incredible...the slight return of positive emotions. Woah. Emotions are usually around in some form during my period, which I'm currently on, and I make a point of that because it's on a consistent basis. Today marked the first time I've even begun to feel anything positive, no matter *how* minute it is. I actually got urges to listen to music because I wanted to and the song sounded good, and some jokes are actually pretty funny. 

[theelt712]

Hey guys! I'm out of school and I signed up for summer programs. The first week was field ecology. I spent about a week in the woods, identifying trees, plants, playing games in the woods, getting bitten by various bugs and mosquitoes [despite the incessant amounts of bug spray I wore, those bugs always found a way to prick me], and learning more about the nature around me. This week was yoga and basketball. Yoga was...PAIN. It was a bit rewarding--the experience was--but it was painful. Basketball was spent at a court and I would just relax and watch others play. I found two four leaf clovers this week, and it was absolutely beautiful. I have never found those before in my life! It was a marvel to find not only once, but twice. I treasured the rarities and saved them both in a Ziploc bag. 

Now, today has been hard. I've been more anxious today than I've been in a while. Just a lot of near panic attacks and getting to a restroom in a social gathering. However, I had periods of feeling moderately good and letting the wind blow through my hair. I felt...kind of strongly today. I don't know how to describe it. You know when you can just feel something? I felt myself wanting to know the answers to certain things a bit more strongly than usual, than I had the anxiety today, then I had periods of feeling slightly good as songs were playing, and then nostalgia. Recently, I've been having nostalgia for old feelings and for the deep euphoria I used to feel and the moments I've missed. It hasn't happened in a while, but it's been happening for the past few days. 

Then, today, it hit me. Maybe this is me starting to feel again. I haven't felt this much happening in a day in a while. Probably well over a year. The anxiousness, the mild good feelings from songs, moments of anger when thinking about wrong things said, it's a HELL of a lot more than it was last year. I am not 100% in feeling yet, and I have a feeling it will take a while more to get there. However, yesterday, I noticed my heart beginning to warm up when thinking about cute kittens.  

Anxiety is going to be a challenge of it's own, but I have to learn how to manage it. I have alternating periods of calm and anxiousness. Maybe it's all because I'm nearing my period again, but I've been having moments of some of the mini feelings happening in general as well. I hope that this expands and deepens within me. I miss the complexity within me that my deep feelings provided but I am hoping it comes back within the next year and a half. 

The weird thing is, I don't really stop and notice the feelings that happen when they do. I just sort of let them...happen. Anyone else notice that? The feelings are still a bit transient, coming and going and not lasting for forever, but still. Like I said, I'm not 100 but I'm far from where I was last year. 

[Petunia]

Thanks for posting an update theelt.  It sounds like you are starting to feel 'normal' again.  I'm glad you are enjoying your summer program.

 

"Anxiety is going to be a challenge of it's own, but I have to learn how to manage it. I have alternating periods of calm and anxiousness."

 

But this is what you've been doing all along, you have been managing it.

 

((hugs))

[bubble]

hello theelt from me too and thank your the update.

 

It's so nice to hear such great news. You've been waiting long but the patience and endurance are being rewarded. I like your insight that all those changes that you've noticed mean that you started feeling again. It reminded me of a flat line that strated pulsing with life again, a bit awkwardly but I'm sure it will soon pick up the right rhythm. 

 

Look forward to more of your updates.

 

best,

bubble

[Karma]

Theelt, 

 

I think you are making progress!  Just be present in the moment ... when you experience the beauty of not one, but two four leaf clovers ... just be present in the moment.  (I could feel the joy in your experience just by how you expressed it!)

 

That you can notice that you are able to feel significantly more than you could a year ago it huge progress.  Celebrate it, don't rush it.  Enjoy your summer.

 

Karma

[theelt712]

Hello to all; it's the ELT once again. I'm 17 years old now, and still going throughout the days. What an interesting experience, these past couple of months have been.At first, during the month of December, I was abandoned by someone that I really cared about. That led to a lot of sadness. Whenever I tend to experience any sort of emotion now, I don't feel it in my head; not nearly as much as I did pre-Zoloft.I feel it in my stomach. I also found that I was able to cry a lot because I had a loss of them in my life at the time, that I was depressed to the point where I became numb...naturally. It was very disturbing how apathetic I became.

 

I began to take the botanical Kava, combined with california poppy and L-theanine. This has produced pretty good effects for me in regards to episodes of apathy. It's allowed me to enjoy music and life more than I have in the past few months, it's allowed me to feel more of a connection to the music and the people around me; which I really appreciate.  I also notice at times that I have more enjoyable feelings and happy feelings when I am not drinking anything caffeinated. I discovered this when I had to go a day without coffee because we ran out of it. I ended the night really alert and awake, I felt really grounded and peaceful in my surroundings. However, getting back onto caffeine induces really disturbing derealization for me. I have numerous episodes of derealization throughout these past few months, especially last month and December.

 

However, I notice that I feel particularly 'strong' about going to college and preparing for that, and for me, that's going to take a lot of mental and social preparation. I'm seeing a therapist next week, and I'm nervous because of the whole Zoloft experience and the bad therapist from almost two years ago. I still see her around town. She's supposedly retired, and she's a nice lady, just wasn't the lady that was meant to be my mentor. I've had particularly bad derealization episodes while I was in her office.

 

I'm almost wondering if I should stop caffeine again to see if my moods improve. I'm not where I was before Zoloft by a long shot, and in many ways, I long for those days and just wish they'd come back. However, I know that it's taken me almost two years to begin to get to the point where I can feel positive emotions in many ways, so I have a feeling that the whole process will continue to take several more years; if not several more months. I'm proud of the progress I've made, definitely. There are some days where I'm more apathetic than others; other days I can feel slivers of positive emotions, slivers of excitement; slivers of lust and nostalgia. The strongest emotions that come on, as I've noticed, are definitely the sad ones, and the sad emotions tend to be hard on my stomach.

 

These are some observations I've made within the past few months, but overall, it's the derealization that's bothering me most and impacting my abilities to get through the day. Maybe ending caffeine consumption will eliminate this.

[brassmonkey]

Hi ELT-- I think that is the best update you have ever posted.  I am so happy for you.  Best of luck in getting ready for college, it can be a very exciting time of life.  Oh, and happy birthday.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

[Petunia]

Thanks for the update theelt, I've been wondering how you are doing.  In case you are wondering who I am, I used to be Petu.  I'm sorry about your recent heartbreak, but over all, it sounds like you are doing really well

 

Perhaps you could try giving up caffeine for several months and see how it effects you.  Some people get withdrawal symptoms from stopping caffeine, but they tend not to last very long.  You could cut down over the course of a few weeks, rather than just go CT.

 

...but overall, it's the derealization that's bothering me most and impacting my abilities to get through the day. Maybe ending caffeine consumption will eliminate this.

 

Caffeine can increase anxiety for some people and derealization can be caused by increased anxiety, maybe giving up caffeine would help, let us know how it goes.

[Karma]

Hi The ELT

 

So happy to read your update.  You've come so far from when you first arrived here.  I'm sorry for the heartbreak, but being able to experience the sadness and cry was a healthy response.  It doesn't appear that you stayed in the depression, so overall I think you came through it successfully, even if it was painful.

 

I agree with Petunia that you might want to experiment with going off of caffeine for a while and just see how you do.  I accidentally partially decaffeinated about a year ago and I really like the result.  I still have a half decaffeinated coffee drink every day, but that is half of what I used to have.  So, maybe even going decaf might be an interesting experiment.

 

I particularly love that feeling of being grounded and peaceful in my surroundings that you describe.  I hope you will have many more opportunities to enjoy that.

 

Remember that going to college is an exciting and challenging time for everyone who does it.  I wish you the best in your college adventure.

 

Love and light,

Karma

[302zoloft]

It's lovely to read such positive news about someone coming off Zoloft. I wish you all the best at college and going forward with your life. Thank you for sharing zx

[theelt712]

Thank you guys, I appreciate all of the support since I have come back and shared updates on my life. I still do have days where I feel flat and those suck; but I push through them. I have switched from coffee to tea and it has made a difference. I have a mild cold and tea doesn't give me the stomach issues that coffee does; while still soothing my sore throat.

 

Also, drinking coffee; for some reason; worsens my derealization by a million. I recently drank a drink w/kava, california poppy, and l-theanine. What was interesting was that it made me feel more connected to things than I have in a whole.

I've considered experimentig with a low dose of l-theanine (200mgs or less), but I am doing all research first.

 

I've been taking claritin and Tylenol for the cold and it definitely helps. Thank you to all

[Altostrata]

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol

 

☼

 

to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[theelt712]

Thank you! I had no idea that was a symbol. There's been a lot of anxiety and depression in my life recently due to schoolwork, a death, and a recent autism spectrum diagnosis and feeling isolated. This finally culminated when I had a very mild nicotine vape (used to help quit smoking on and off), and I experienced a blank mind that was void of any thought. Along with it came short term memory loss, both of which I'm still dealing with. VERY disconserting. That was on Saturday. I have been having vivid dreams that I do not remember at all upon waking, waking every four hours and then feeling like, even if I slept for two hours, I slept for twelve hours. Very weird feeling. I don't know if it was the nicotine (1-2 hits and I have never had a reaction like that to it before) or the culmination of three weeks of constant stress and anxiety from different factors.

 

However, today, something important happened. Feelings. Flashbacks of events with feelings (30-40%) I haven't felt in two years, triggered by listening to music. I probably couldn't tell you what happened an hour ago (short term memory loss/blank mind), but I did begin to remember exactly how good feelings felt. I have had intermittent, very brief flashbacks of old feelings, but less intense and for way less long (4-5 minutes in duration) in the past couple of weeks prior to this. It's very interesting to me, less thought, more feeling. I literally felt like I was right in the event at some points, with a strong feeling that I legitimately hadn't felt in years popping up for a brief second before going away. T scared me, because I thought/felt like I was somewhere else, and almost forgot that I was in the state/place I was in, but man. The feeling of feeling is slowly tapering away, as I seem to get more involved in mentally visual daydreams, but man. How remarkable.

 

The blank mind/weird sleep issue/short term memory loss is still disconcerting, but return of feeling isn't. I just hope that when feelings do come back full force, that it's longer than two hours. I also forgot to mention that breathing is a lot more automatic now (well, when my sinuses aren't being bad). I literally forget at some points that I'm breathing normally.

[Altostrata]

Good to hear, theelt. Please stop in now and then and let us know how you're doing.

[theelt712]

Hey all! I've been struggling a little bit. I recently decided that it was time to taper off of caffeine after it started to make me feel lethargic, worsened my anxiety, and made me have derealization. I don't need any of it, so I decided to taper off. It's been brutal.

 

Day 1 (Sunday): no coffee. No headache, either, went to go see a movie with friends and it was pretty good. I did notice a lack of focus.

 

Day 2 (Monday): Headache. Ouch, my head. No coffee. I wanted to sleep and couldn't get much done.

 

Day 3 (Tuesday): More lethargy, no coffee. I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep during my classes. My focus was shot and I can barely remember what happened on this day. During this whole week, my sleep is interrupted to get up in the middle of the night to pee, and then wake up more times in a night just because. This sucks. I also just felt complete apathy, complete disinterest in life. Soda use is present, but limited.

 

Day 4 (Wednesday): Apathy continues. No coffee. Any change in schedule throws me off balance, the lethargy is still there with brain fog. Gross. I did, however, see a Holocaust survivor speak. High point of my life right there. More on that later.

 

Day 5 (today): Woke up depressed and still apathetic, never wanted to leave bed. But, today was the best day of them all by far. I could feel the sun shine, and I felt sort of normal.

 

That's how caffeine tapering is going so far.

[brassmonkey]

Hi ELT-- so nice to see you.  Sorry to hear about the caffeine trouble.  Monica has done it a couple of times and it was brutal each time. Luckily it only lasts a few weeks, and then you feel a whole lot better than before you started.  Best of luck with it.

 

((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) 

[theelt712]

Thank you Brassmonkey . The last time I quit caffeine use was immediately after starting Zoloft. I've been missing my intense feelings lately. 2 years later, and I still have that longing for it, despite things being better than they were when I started. I hate that deep longing, but I have come to accept it. My memory's been off lately as well, has anyone here tried Gingko with results?

[Petunia]

Hey elt, thank you for staying in touch and letting us know how you're doing. Its great to see you are doing well, apart from the caffeine withdrawal, but that usually doesn't last too long.

 

I used to take gingko before withdrawal, and found it helpful. My daughter, who is just a little older than you uses it for memory and energy, she says it helps. Perhaps if you try it, start with a small amount to see how its going to effect you.

[theelt712]

Hello everyone! I never did end up trying ginko. My memory's getting a little better on its own, often coming and going in waves. I've had this interesting thing happen to me, and I don't know how to explain it. Sometimes, I'll think of and remember events and remember exactly how they felt and the feeling that came with it, but I don't fully feel the emotions of the event. However, I'll remember what they felt like. It's been happening quite a bit over the past two weeks and I really don't know what it entails, other than brain healing. My sleep at night also hasn't been the same since withdrawing from caffeine. I get around 4-5 hours of straight through sleep before waking up. I'm used to it, but I wish I could get better sleep. Sinuses are being awful this time of year. I can barely smell or taste but I don't have other symtpoms of sinus infection. I'll give it a week or two before I get looked at.

 

I finish my junior year of high school in two weeks. Man, time is flying by. I can't believe that I'm going to be a senior! Feels like just yesterday that I just started freshman year...

[theelt712]

Hello everyone! Interesting things are happening in my life, an interesting transition. After two years, I can recognize parts of me beginning to come back. Not nearly of the same intensity of emotion--but I can remember how intense the emotions were. I can remember how certain moments of my life were, how they felt, how songs sounded, and begin to feel something with it--to the point of goosebumps. I had an interesting idea for a novel today, began writing a little more, and began to have some sort of feelings during songs. Although blunted, it's more than I've experienced in the past couple of years. Although this type of event is happening a bit more frequently, it's coming and going in waves. However, I think I'm getting much closer to the end. Another couple of years, and I predict I'll be 100%. 

 

The tough part with dealing with some of these new found feelings, however, is trying to channel them. Often, the feelings come with remembering events in my life or during a particular song. The song will arise a memory or emotion, usually a combination of the two, that I would have never thought about in a million years. However, today in my English class, we finished a very intense movie and a song within a pivotal scene began to give me goosebumps. It was profound music. Gorgeous. I hope that this continues to happen, happens with more events, and becomes stronger. 

[Skyler]

 However, today in my English class, we finished a very intense movie and a song within a pivotal scene began to give me goosebumps. It was profound music. Gorgeous. I hope that this continues to happen, happens with more events, and becomes stronger. 

 

EXCELLENT NEWS!

[theelt712]

I It’s been so many years since I was on this forum. I decided to check in on this site because I saw a post online that mentioned a website that reminded me of this forum. PSSD honestly was one of the WD symptoms that took extremely long to recover from — I finished all meds from a short taper in May 2013, and I considered my PSSD about 70% healed in late 2017, when I started to notice hormonal changes. 

 

What honestly worked for me was time. I hope that you are doing well these days. Sometimes, things take time and the only way out is through. Sending peace and kindness.

[ChessieCat]

Hi theelt, and welcome back,

 

It's great to hear such good news.  I found your post in a member's topic and moved it to your own Introduction topic so that your history is in one place.

 

We'd love you to write your success story here:  Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal

 

Once you do that we will lock this topic.  It would also be appreciated if you could return occasionally and answer any members questions if they have any, but only if you want to.  We understand that many/most members who have recovered would prefer to leave their withdrawal experience in the past.  We do appreciate you taking the time to come back and update us on how you are.  It gives hope to other members.  I've quoted your post and placed it in the PSSD topic.

 

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all the best for the future.

[Carmie]

Hi theelt, 

 

I’m sooo happy you’re doing pretty well. Thank you so much for sharing, sending hugs🤗

[Altostrata]

@theelt712, how are you doing?

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

On 8/13/2013 at 9:12 PM, theelt712 said:

I have anhedonia but it does not have me

wonderful words to hear