elbillingino: Zoloft withdrawal

[elbillingino]

Hi all,

 

Apologies for the long post, but here goes. I first started taking Zoloft (sertraline) in February 2004 when I was 18 and I can honestly say it was the biggest mistake of my life.

 

Since I started taking it, I have had several episodes of major depression (I am aware of the theory that antidepressants themselves 'chronify' depression and in my case it certainly was the case). I had to take so much time off that it took me 5 years to complete a 3 year university degree course. Apart from brief periods on Lexapro and Paxil (the latter sent me borderline psychotic)and a period of about 3-6 months off all medication at the end of 2005 (I went into withdrawal and had to start again) I was on Zoloft until 2012. As far as I remember, I started off at 50mg between 2004 and 2005, was on 100mg in 2006 and 200mg between 2007 and 2009. I managed to reduce the dose to 100mg between 2009 and 2012 (apart from a brief period on 150mg in 2012).

 

My history I suppose is complicated by an on-off addiction to marijuana, which certainly doesn't agree with me and does have a major depression and anxiety-inducing impact at high doses. However, I am fairly convinced these effects are temporary - at least in my case - as after 4-6 weeks of stopping taking it , I return to a 'baseline' of how I was before. I first tried marijuana when I was 18, but it was a few months after starting zoloft. I will never know for sure, but I believe zoloft caused me to start - I had been offered marijuana several times before I was 18 and always said no. I think zoloft sort of induced an apathy whereby I didn't care.

 

Anyway, in terms of zoloft, I decided enough was enough last year - 2012 - when I decided to essentially quit almost everything - tobacco, marijuana (I'd started again after approximately 5 years off it!!) and antidepressants. I had quit both marijuana and tobacco before and they were fairly easy to stop. Between June/July and September/October 2012, I decreased my dose of sertraline and stopped. I can't recall the exact increments I decreased in, but I have since learned that the taper was definitely too quick. My main motivation for stopping were sexual side effects caused by long term use of the medication as well as involuntary teeth grinding/jaw clenching (I was actually told by a consultant orthodontist that zoloft was the cause of this and the resulting wear on my teeth!) and tinnitus. I also wanted to find out how I would be without them.

 

After an initial discontinuation, around October/November I started feeling better than I had done in ages. Concentration was improved, sexual side effects started to reverse, jaw clenching and teeth grinding stopped, tinnitus improved significantly. At the end of December, I started to get waves of horrible horrific depression. These would happen 2-3 days a week, but did actually start to decrease in frequency - 2-3 days every 2 weeks, then 2-3 days every 3 weeks. However, these windows are worse than any other depression I had ever felt - it's like being tortured in hell.

 

While these windows were reducing in frequency, I started experiencing an ever worsening brain fog and continued decline in concentration. I also began to have memory problems (forgetting entire conversations mainly. These symptoms don't seem to be getting any better). This is by some distance my worst symptom currently - brain fog and lack of concentration.

 

I had already experienced similar symptoms from January 2011 when I was diagnosed with labyrinthitis/vertigo and I have had periodic problems with brain fog/concentration since then. I cannot say whether the medication caused this because there was some virus going round at the time which seemed to induce vertigo in others as well - I was off sick for 3 weeks anyway). My GP prescribed me stemetil (prochloperazine) which I have since learnt is a typical antipsychotic, but oddly, is used at low dosages to treat vertigo in the UK. Anyway, I took this at at the recommended dose during the acute phase of my vertigo, lessening the dosages after the acute phase had passed, but I haven't taken any for a long time. I don't seem to have suffered any side effects from it, but I will not take it again - why exacerbate everything by taking another psych drug?

 

I have also started developing OCD type symptoms, which I haven't had for many years - I had undiagnosed OCD as an adolescent, but it seemed to go away. Now I have perfectionism, checking, etc., and symptoms so ridiculous I find them difficult to describe!

 

I also suffer from the seemingly obligatory anhedonia, and have a greatly reduced ability to take pleasure in anything.

 

I have managed to continue at work, but I am struggling a lot due to concentration/brain fog. I had already moved departments to a very undemanding role in November 2012 on medical grounds due to depression. On the one hand, this is good in my current state, because little is expected of me. On the other hand, the role gives me a lot of time to think (and is very boring).

 

Before I had discovered this site and really knew about withdrawal, I had surgery on 28 February to correct a deviated septum.

 

During a particularly bad 'window' last month when I was off work recovering I decided to try and start taking sertraline again with the intention of tapering off at a lower dose. This was a big mistake and I think it has set back my recovery. I took 50mg for 4 days and by the fourth and fifth day was experiencing the worst derealisation/depersonalisation I have ever had. I felt like a ghost, and did not sleep for three nights. This slowly got better. My reason for trying to reinstate in desperation was in preparation for going on holiday on 4 April - a three week holiday to America (I live in Britain). I did go and returned yesterday from a ridiculously active trip for someone in my situation, in which we didn't stay in the same place for longer than 4 nights. I did enjoy some of it, but a lot of the time I just wanted to come home! To be honest, I would have cancelled if it hadn't been for the inconvenience it would have caused others.

 

Since trying to reinstate, I am also having hypersensitive reactions to common over the counter decongestants/antihistamines. I have had to stop taking them. Thankfully, I appear to have no reaction to the steroid nasal spray used to treat my rhinitis.

 

Basically, so far I've done everything wrong with my withdrawal. I tapered far too quickly, I've made virtually no lifestyle changes and I've exacerbated the problem by having surgery, going on holiday and trying to reinstate the drug far too late!

 

I know from this site and other communities that almost every one does get better and their symptoms either drastically improve or disappear eventually. But I do sometimes wonder if I've damaged myself permanently by taking the drugs for a long time; tapering too quickly; taking them so young while my brain was still developing. But then I see people who seem to have had it worse than me in withdrawal; have taken the drugs for longer than me and younger than me and who have reported more or less recovering. I'm also aware that younger brains seem to recover quicker (I'm 27 now).

 

I will now try and assist my recovery by taking it a lot easier.

[elbillingino]

Hi,

 

can a mod add my screen name to the title? Forgot to do this? Thanks.

[Karma]

Hi elbillingino

 

Welcome to the site. This post will be your journal - please post your progress and additional questions in this thread. (I added your name to your thread, too.)

 

As you have discovered once you have gone off of SSRI's more than 3 months re-instatement is a gamble. Your system is definitely sensitized by withdrawal and we do find that it is common for over the counter medications to cause strong reactions when sensitized during a too fast withdrawal.

 

You will heal over time, you need to be patient and take care of yourself. See the Symptoms and Self-Care forum: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

One thing that tends to help is fish oil: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/. Start with a low dose to see how you react and then if there are no negative reactions you can increase over time.

 

When you get a chance please add your drug history to your signature so that when you ask questions your history is readily available. Here are the instructions:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

You will find lots of support here.

 

Karma

[Jemima]

Welcome, elbillingino, and ditto what Karma said. I'm sorry that you're having to go through all this pain. Do be assured, however, that you will get better. I have yet to read or hear of anyone who has not recovered from Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome. The human brain is a remarkable organ that is able to repair itself, although it does take time and a lot of patience.

 

You might be interested in reading about the windows and waves pattern:

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Recovery

 

This topic has been reassuring to me throughout my ordeal following getting off of Lexapro too fast.

[elbillingino]

Thank you to you both for your messages of support!

 

I am fairly sure I will recover - as will we all sooner or later - and who knows, maybe I will be lucky and it'll be in a year or two rather than three or four? Certainly, some people seem to have had a far worse time of it than me from the outset.

 

That said, things did get worse since I tried to reinstate and the brain fog began to develop quite slowly so I realise nothing about this process is linear. I could have new and interesting symptoms to look forward to!

 

Actually feeling ok today - in spite of the jet lag, brain fog and drinking too much last night (I realise alcohol is something I am going to have to severely limit if I don't want to set my recovery back further).

[dunerbug]

Thank you to you both for your messages of support!

 

I am fairly sure I will recover - as will we all sooner or later - and who knows, maybe I will be lucky and it'll be in a year or two rather than three or four? Certainly, some people seem to have had a far worse time of it than me from the outset.

 

That said, things did get worse since I tried to reinstate and the brain fog began to develop quite slowly so I realise nothing about this process is linear. I could have new and interesting symptoms to look forward to!

 

Actually feeling ok today - in spite of the jet lag, brain fog and drinking too much last night (I realise alcohol is something I am going to have to severely limit if I don't want to set my recovery back further).

 

Welcome to the site! This place has helped me a ton.

 

Sorry to hear of your struggles. Taking it easy and listening to my body is something I had to learn too. (still working on it) We worked on our yard yesterday and my husband mentioned that I probably overdid it. I started to cry a little and said, "I just want my life back" It's a tough road we are all on and really have to make some sacrifices in order to get well.

I had to completely give up the occasional alcoholic beverage as it just doesn't agree with me. You might find you will have to give up some stuff too. Stuff that affects your central nervous system can be really bad during withdrawal.

 

Hang in there!

[elbillingino]

Thanks Dunerbug. I've decided to quit alcohol for a month and see if it helps (it doesn't really seem to make a difference one way or the other once the hangover's gone but I don't know for sure until I try without). Big birthday party to go to on Sunday so was going to have a potentially 'last hurrah' but I may bring it forward, keep off the alcohol and leave early.

 

Terrible night last night - 3 hours sleep - facial twitching, body jerking to wake me up just as I was drifting off the sleep, mind racing etc. Now work to go to - oh joy.

 

Question for Alto (if you read this): does the long term recovery time for someone who has attempted to reinstate far too late worsen significantly? I know everyone is different, but does it tend to set people back months, years? I only began to develop intolerances to meds, after I tried to reinstate zoloft. Also the cognitive fog got significantly worse. Up until attempted reinstatement, I suppose I would characterise my withdrawal - while nonetheless horrible, worst experience of my life, etc. etc.- as milder compared with many of the people on this site, including yourself. But then again, I had only done 5-6 months up to that point.

[elbillingino]

Oh and the facial twitching, body jerking etc., only emerged after attempted reinstatement too.

[Altostrata]

....

Question for Alto (if you read this): does the long term recovery time for someone who has attempted to reinstate far too late worsen significantly? I know everyone is different, but does it tend to set people back months, years? I only began to develop intolerances to meds, after I tried to reinstate zoloft. Also the cognitive fog got significantly worse. Up until attempted reinstatement, I suppose I would characterise my withdrawal - while nonetheless horrible, worst experience of my life, etc. etc.- as milder compared with many of the people on this site, including yourself. But then again, I had only done 5-6 months up to that point.

 

For anyone with post-withdrawal hypersensitivity, a misadventure with a drug can set you back a bit. But people do recover from that -- it can take a few weeks or months, they go back to baseline. You can expect to gradually recover from your attempted reinstatement.

[elbillingino]

 

....

Question for Alto (if you read this): does the long term recovery time for someone who has attempted to reinstate far too late worsen significantly? I know everyone is different, but does it tend to set people back months, years? I only began to develop intolerances to meds, after I tried to reinstate zoloft. Also the cognitive fog got significantly worse. Up until attempted reinstatement, I suppose I would characterise my withdrawal - while nonetheless horrible, worst experience of my life, etc. etc.- as milder compared with many of the people on this site, including yourself. But then again, I had only done 5-6 months up to that point.

 

For anyone with post-withdrawal hypersensitivity, a misadventure with a drug can set you back a bit. But people do recover from that -- it can take a few weeks or months, they go back to baseline. You can expect to gradually recover from your attempted reinstatement.

 

Thanks Alto.

[elbillingino]

In the last week, I've seen improvement in some side effects (ahem, sexual ones); anxiety is generally ok; mood is stable apart from a couple of brief episodes of low mood(lasting about an hour!) Optimism seems to be creeping in - a growing belief that I can do this. I'm also feeling less angry (while I was on the antidepressants and up until this point in withdrawal, I've often been a horribly irritable person, particularly to family members - but oddly, this week I've been inexplicably calmer).

 

Brain fog: still terrible, but oddly enough, this week I seem to be making gradual, subtle improvements in concentration. It doesn't feel any different in many ways - my head still feels like it's stuffed with cottonballs; I am very lightheaded, quite depersonalised etc. Oddly though, I've certainly got more work done in the last week that I have in a long time. As I said, the fog isn't discernably any different, but by pushing through it, I am relieved to find my brain does still work (although obviously nowhere near its pre-withdrawal level).

 

It's such an odd thing to describe ... as if, before carrying out a task, I don't feel as if I'd be able to perform it any better than over the last few months, or have the cognitive abilities to do so - the fog is still horrific - but once I get going, I can actually carry it out a lot better than I predicted and a lot better than I would have been able to several weeks ago. It's as if there is a disparity between the level of the fog and my actual abilities to concentrate - the fog utterly drains the confidence and masks the ability. I don't know - can anyone else relate to this? Is this a possible prelude to the fog lessening too?

 

I am also walking an hour a day which may be having an effect. It is definitely helping me sleep better. I will carry on doing this until I am recovered. It's not easy to work it into my daily schedule but I am fairly convinced it will help me long term.

 

Of course, next week I could hit a wave and all these improvements could melt away, but this week, on balance, has seen improvement.

[elbillingino]

Bad wave. Desperately need some support. Would really appreciate replies.

 

Dizziness hit very badly last week. I'd convinced myself I'd fully recovered from a bout of labyrinthitis which started more than 2 years ago and that any residual dizziness symptoms were anxiety (the brain fog was only one aspect). As my dizziness symptoms worsened last week, the realisation dawned on me that the dizziness is vertigo. I was out on my daily walk and it appeared that two parked cars were moving - until I stopped for a few seconds and looked and realised they weren't. In truth my dizziness never went away, and I stupidly believed my GP when he said any remaining symptoms were anxiety related (when will I ever learn?!)

 

Anyway, I have the money for a consultation with an ENT specialist privately (someone who is at least more experienced in balance and dizziness issues) - my local NHS ENT department are awful and discharged me two years ago following an MRI which found nothing. That and a hearing test were the only assessments they did. In reality, I am fairly convinced that my labyrinthitis is uncompensated - a nasty thing to have to face as well as withdrawal. If I'm right it means I'll have to undergo vestibular rehabilitation therapy (VRT).

 

Of course all this is likely being exacerbated by (but not caused) by the withdrawal. I know a lot of people report dizziness/vertigo symptoms for a long time.

 

Or sometimes I wonder if my ear symptoms were not caused by labyrinthtis but taking sertraline for so long at such high doses? I've recently found out it's ototoxic (damages the ears). I started taking it in 2004 and first experienced constant tinnitus and periodic feelings of fullness in the ears in 2005 - both of which haven't gone away since!!! I had problems with my ears when I was a kid (poor hearing, gromits), so I was no doubt susceptible to ototoxic meds given my past history. I can live with the tinnitus and fullness symptoms but I cannot deal with the dizziness. Inner ear dizziness is unreal in terms of how horribly debilitating it is.

 

And as I've hit a wave I'm convinced I'll never recover from withdrawal, the ear stuff, everything. Some symptoms that had been improving (I'll be honest, sexual side effects) have gone backwards again ... I feel so anxious, disoriented and hopeless. I've read this question being asked by so many people at so many different times on here and the other site, and try to push it out of my mind, but does almost everyone REALLY recover in the end? What if I don't? Certainly there are a couple of people here and on the other site who are 5+ years in and haven't and have lost all hope! Particularly in ever ridding themselves of the anhedonia.

 

And I made it all worse for myself by blundering in and doing a quick taper without really researching it. For God's sake, there's even a charity in my region - CITAP - that could have put me into an outpatient withdrawal clinic. But I leapt in first and thought about the consequences after.

 

I'm also fixating on the past (another withdrawal symptom I know). Back to before I'd ever taken these horrible pills. When my mother told me not to take them but couldn't give me a concrete reason why not (who knew she would be so right and now be one of the people I'm putting through hell in the fallout???!!!) What kind of person would I be now if I hadn't taken them?

 

Or I even think back to while I was on the damned things - I knew taking them for so long was not good for me, but I actively avoided searching for the long term effects, tapering, the dissenting voices of psychiatry - Breggin, Healy, - or when I stumbled across sites like this or the other site, dismissed you all as cranks in a similar vein to Scientologists. I got annoyed with my dad when he asked me every month or so if I was thinking of coming off them. Perhaps if only I'd come off them after 4 years, or 5 years rather than 8 I'd be ok. Turns out both my parents were right - they didn't know how or why, but they were! Can quick tapers damage the person irreversibly?

 

Would be grateful for some replies ... really struggling. I can't keep on putting my parents through it - they believe me about the withdrawal, but they don't understand what it is like, having never been through it. They don't understand what inner ear dizziness is like and fighting seemingly insurmountable battles on two fronts.

[Altostrata]

The waves are very difficult. Hang on, elbill, you know the wave will pass.

 

Talking to a specialist about the labyrinthitis might be helpful. It's possible the Zoloft might have contributed to your labyrinthitis, or accidentally taking it inconsistently, as withdrawal syndrome can be mistaken for labyrinthitis, see http://www.bmj.com/content/324/7332/260.1.long (Peter Haddad, one of the world's experts on withdrawal syndrome, is in Manchester, I believe.)

[elbillingino]

The waves are very difficult. Hang on, elbill, you know the wave will pass.

 

Talking to a specialist about the labyrinthitis might be helpful. It's possible the Zoloft might have contributed to your labyrinthitis, or accidentally taking it inconsistently, as withdrawal syndrome can be mistaken for labyrinthitis, see http://www.bmj.com/content/324/7332/260.1.long (Peter Haddad, one of the world's experts on withdrawal syndrome, is in Manchester, I believe.)

 

Thanks Alto. That's helpful.

 

I've considered the possibility that this horrific dizziness could be withdrawal, although when it first started, I was on zoloft and I was very compliant with taking them. Yes, I missed the odd dose here and there over the years - everyone does - but could missing a dose or two have given me several weeks of acute dizziness followed by daily (sometimes low level, sometimes worse) episodes that persist to this day?

 

Both Peter Haddad (apparently an honourary lecturer at the university I finally graduated from!) and David Healy are both within an hour of me. I think it would be very difficult for me to see either of them on the NHS. There is a right to be referred to the service of your choice anywhere within the UK on the NHS (but not a particular doctor) although mental health is excluded from that. Also, I'm unsure what they would actually be able to do, other than diagnose me and tell me to wait to get better? The (probable) diagnosis and vindication would be nice, but other than that, do you think it would be of any possible benefit to me?

[Altostrata]

Neither of them is treating withdrawal syndrome. Haddad might be able to identify whether you had an adverse reaction, whether he has any remedies, I don't know.

[elbillingino]

Ok, so for several weeks I have been driving myself mad trying to find a cause for a whole range of apparently physical complaints - dizziness mainly and a few other things. I realise this is a major withdrawal symptom for many people but I have been obsessed with finding a tangible, physical cause for it.

 

I have self diagnosed myself with various things including uncompensated labyrinthitis, Lyme Disease, tardive dystonia (facial twitching which seemingly only occurs when I consciously think about it), Meige Syndrome (a type of dystonia) and empty nose syndrome following a septoplasty operation in February (this is my latest theory).

 

Both doctors I have seen - just my GP and an ENT so far - have blamed anxiety. To be honest, I could probably walk into a doctor's surgery with my leg hanging off and they would blame anxiety - it's a diagnosis which allows doctors to dismiss you very easily. I do however realise anxiety is a very powerful thing particularly in the neuro emotion form of anxiety withdrawal brings.

 

One thing nearly all of these things have in common is that I need to act relatively quickly in order to get them sorted or begin treatment and/ or that research indicates the health service here in the UK where I live is utterly ill equipped to deal with them and that I'll need to spend thousands to get them fixed or treated adequately. They're either things which will cost me a lot to treat or which are permanent but won't kill me.

 

Obviously, they can't all be true - or it's very unlikely, because my withdrawing nervous system would probably just give up and I'd keel over. Is it likely to all be down to withdrawal? (Curiously, the only thing listed which DOESN'T have a great deal of medical recognition - but which I can be fairly sure I DO have and which I know exists from previous experience!)I have always been a hypochondriac even before I started taking antidepressants/withdrew.

 

This begs the question, how will I know if I am actually ill?

 

Feel like I am losing my mind. Currently off sick from work with the dizziness.

 

Does anyone else have any stories of this? Did it turn out something was wrong, or was it down to withdrawal?

[SaltedGingkoNuts]

 

 

Feel like I am losing my mind. Currently off sick from work with the dizziness.

 

Does anyone else have any stories of this? Did it turn out something was wrong, or was it down to withdrawal?

 

 

Hello Friend (from Across the Pond):

 

Your dizziness ABSOLUTELY sounds like a withdrawal symptom.

 

I know for me, dizziness was definitely one of the first things I noticed when going cold turkey off of a benzo and an SSRI.

 

And like you, I myself did TONS of researching and worrying over what COULD be happening to me. I never saw it as being hypochondria, I saw it only as being informed: Knowledge is Power!!

 

I am a bit confused as to your current medication status and dosage though. Are you on anything now?

 

-Salted

[elbillingino]

 

 

 

Feel like I am losing my mind. Currently off sick from work with the dizziness.

 

Does anyone else have any stories of this? Did it turn out something was wrong, or was it down to withdrawal?

 

And like you, I myself did TONS of researching and worrying over what COULD be happening to me. I never saw it as being hypochondria, I saw it only as being informed: Knowledge is Power!!

 

I am a bit confused as to your current medication status and dosage though. Are you on anything now?

 

-Salted

 

Thanks for your reply Salted!

 

I am currently on no medication - I did a too quick taper off zoloft last year before I discovered this site and tapering.

 

How are you doing with the dizziness at the moment?

 

Currently actively considering having tests won my nose by a doctor in Germany which will cost me in excess of £1000. My dizziness problems have mainly started since I had surgery on my nose (septoplasty). Of course, I did try reinstating shortly after that so that seems just as likely to be the cause here (or a combination of both). I've been to ENT; they say there is nothing wrong, but I still don't believe them.

 

What's real and what isn't?!

[Jemima]

It is really difficult to tell medical problems from withdrawal problems, but the fact that you've been examined by an ENT specialist and nothing was found tells me that you're probably wasting your money pursuing more tests. Dizziness is a withdrawal symptom for many people, myself included, and considering the battering your nervous system has taken from stopping and starting various drugs over the years, it's not surprising that withdrawal symptoms are lingering.

 

Please note that intense focus on physical symptoms is also a withdrawal symptom. Most of us have spent quite a bit trying various medical treatments, supplements, et cetera, but so far nothing seems to work except for time and patience.

[Iggy131313]

Hi mate,

 

I know we have chatted via PM, I hope you get to see Dr Healy, I didnt know Dr Haddad was in manchester, thats where I am (and coincidentally have my degree from there also elbil) I cannot find a way to contact him, does anyone know of a way to contact him or if he sees patients? My Dr wants me to get a second opion as she doesnt believe in w/d syndrome (big surprise) I would like to se him...

[Iggy131313]

oh and on a side note, your dizzyness is a withdrawal symptom, please dont waste tons of cash getting loads of tests done, if you are very concerned get it checked out but dont fly to another country and spend a thousand quid when its pretty nailed on its all withdrawal...I cant believe how well you are doing, im so jelous I wish I was doing as good as you

 

EDIT - I think I found haddads email adress, hopefully he will respond

[elbillingino]

Hi mate,

 

I know we have chatted via PM, I hope you get to see Dr Healy, I didnt know Dr Haddad was in manchester, thats where I am (and coincidentally have my degree from there also elbil) I cannot find a way to contact him, does anyone know of a way to contact him or if he sees patients? My Dr wants me to get a second opion as she doesnt believe in w/d syndrome (big surprise) I would like to se him...

 

Thanks Iggy. I did some googling when Alto mentioned him and found Haddad works at Salford mental health trust.

 

I love the way your GP is requesting a second opinion - the boot is on the other foot and now SHE doesn't believe the specialist opinion!!! If you get a typical psych he will just entirely contradict Healy's opinion. What will she do then - get a third opinion?

 

Thanks for your encouragement ... this is the worst wave I've hit. I wish I could say I was functioning but I've been off sick this week with this dizziness.

 

I understand people saying I should accept the ENT's opinion (incidentally, it was the doctor who did my surgery, so what else is he going to say?), but I no longer trust doctors about anything at all - unless they are the best possible specialist in their field! But obviously, I can't see the best doctor in their field all the time, or I'd run up a lot of debt!

[Iggy131313]

how many months are you meds free now?

 

always feel free to contact me re healy or anything, or a shoulder to cry on, your not alone in this...but its pretty clear to me that your gonna be just fine. xx I will include you in my prayers, but I have to be honest, your down pretty low on the list because you are gonna be more than fine very soon anyway. xxxx

 

oh and if I got a normal pdoc say I was bipolar or something she would totally agree with that...my last conversation went like this

 

Dr ''I think you need a second opinion''

 

Me ''But Proffesor Healy is the worlds leading expert''

 

Dr ''he may be the worlds leading expert but hes not the be all and end all''

 

Me ''buut I will only see another Dr who takes into account hat ssris COULD have done this damage, I would gladly listen to a knowledgable Dr who understands ssri damage and says what I am experiencing is NOT that''

 

Dr ''caroline, you have anxiety and depression''

 

Me ''I have horrific akathisia, can I have my sick note please''

 

exit stage left

[elbillingino]

Apart from my 4 day ill fated reinstatement attempt in March, about 8 or 9 months. Oddly, unlike many others, I don't remember the exact date or even month I came off them - just that it was Sept/Oct last year.

 

Thanks Iggy, that's really encouraging - sending best wishes your way too

 

I hope you're right. Wish now I'd pushed through the withdrawal first time around back in 05 rather than wasting the bulk of my 20s on these damned things! But of course, I thought the condition had come back, that I 'needed' the sertraline - all the usual crap, etc., etc.

 

Even though you seem to have had a terrible reaction - amongst the worst as far as I can tell - there's no reason why you shouldn't recover too

[Iggy131313]

so you are in the dreaded 5-9 month period, loads of people report a wosrstening at that time, this should be the worst bit...

 

yes sadly I am amonst the worst cases, I didnt know that at first, I thought everyone was this bad, but I realise its not so, im scared but thanks

[elbillingino]

how many months are you meds free now?

 

always feel free to contact me re healy or anything, or a shoulder to cry on, your not alone in this...but its pretty clear to me that your gonna be just fine. xx I will include you in my prayers, but I have to be honest, your down pretty low on the list because you are gonna be more than fine very soon anyway. xxxx

 

oh and if I got a normal pdoc say I was bipolar or something she would totally agree with that...my last conversation went like this

 

Dr ''I think you need a second opinion''

 

Me ''But Proffesor Healy is the worlds leading expert''

 

Dr ''he may be the worlds leading expert but hes not the be all and end all''

 

Me ''buut I will only see another Dr who takes into account hat ssris COULD have done this damage, I would gladly listen to a knowledgable Dr who understands ssri damage and says what I am experiencing is NOT that''

 

Dr ''caroline, you have anxiety and depression''

 

Me ''I have horrific akathisia, can I have my sick note please''

 

exit stage left

 

 

My doc looked very uncomfortable a few weeks ago when I mentioned long term withdrawal, so I suspect she suspects I'm right, but she dutifully towed the party line anyway and said she'd never heard of it.

 

Last conversation

 

'I think I'm long term withdrawal'

 

'We're never going to agree on this, so I'm not going to argue with you about it'

 

'I think years of antidepressants caused me to have recurrent episodes of depression effectively making it chronic. I don't really think I needed the antidepressants in the first place.'

 

'I don't agree.'

 

To be fair, she's not a bad doctor and is generally more helpful than any others, but it's like talking to a robot.

 

Your doctor has the professional opinion from an expert. I'd be tempted to refuse to see another psych and say she either likes Healy's opinion or lumps it.

[elbillingino]

It is really difficult to tell medical problems from withdrawal problems, but the fact that you've been examined by an ENT specialist and nothing was found tells me that you're probably wasting your money pursuing more tests. Dizziness is a withdrawal symptom for many people, myself included, and considering the battering your nervous system has taken from stopping and starting various drugs over the years, it's not surprising that withdrawal symptoms are lingering.

 

Please note that intense focus on physical symptoms is also a withdrawal symptom. Most of us have spent quite a bit trying various medical treatments, supplements, et cetera, but so far nothing seems to work except for time and patience.

 

Sorry missed this post before. Thanks

 

No idea if the paxil/lexapro from years ago is doing anything to me now but wouldn't rule it out. Certainly my withdrawal first time around kicked in quicker because of the med changes. I went from 50mg zoloft - 2 week cross over to lexapro for a few months - 2 week cross over to paxil for a few weeks; discontinued over 2 weeks and then nothing until I restarted zoloft 100mg a few months later (thanks docs). It was nothing short of a nightmare at the time and I hung on to sanity by a mere thread and was actually borderline psychotic and very suicidal. Fortunately for me, my psychosis included details visions of being tortured in hell for eternity if I killed myself (an oddly protective effect) and I was far too out of it to plan anything, let alone orchestrate a suicide.

 

I went back on zoloft, and it all felt like a bad dream quite quickly - because zoloft was what my body was craving all along.

 

Can't remember if dizziness was a feature first time around. Probably was to be honest.

[elbillingino]

Ok, it has been a long time since I posted here.

 

To cut a long story short, I was diagnosed with a 'peripheral vestibular disorder' in August by a neuro-otologist (basically an inner ear specialist that deals with balance/dizziness) at the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery in London.

 

I had vestibular neuritis in early 2011 - which is likely labyrinthitis but without the hearing loss - which sent me very dizzy. I'd pretty much recovered by 2012. My nasal surgery in Feb 2013 brought the dizziness back as I became 'decompensated'. I've had vestibular rehabilation therapy (a special type of balance physio) and improved my balance so it is now on 'the low end of normal.' However, I am still extremely dizzy 24/7, and have now been diagnosed with vestibular migraine - which can often be triggered by vestibular disorders. I don't have pain, but apparently this is common. I am dizzy constantly, and extremely light sensitive. I think the diagnosis is probably correct, as I didn't particularly have dizziness during withdrawal prior to my surgery.

 

I have been told to change my diet and lifestyle and see if I cannot improve it. If I can't improve it, the advice is to attempt one of a whole host of psychoactive drugs approved for treatment of migraine including trycyclics and anticonvulsants. Having done some research, it would appear meds really are the only way to combat this.

 

If I go down this road, given my history with SSRIs, I intend to ask to be referred to a neurologist that specialises in migraines who really knows how to prescribe (if anyone does?)

 

I'm between a rock and a hard place so any advice would be appreciated. If you want to tell me not to take more drugs, please provide me with alternatives.

[Altostrata]

Have you tried acupuncture? Here in the US, some MDs practice acupuncture. You might look around for such near you, or find a very highly regarded non-MD practitioner.

[elbillingino]

Apologies for the late reply - been trying to take some time away.

 

I haven't tried acupuncture - apparently it's not a particularly helpful treatment for my condition. I'd probably have to pay for it anyway (and I'm fairly broke).

 

I sometimes wonder still whether this is all withdrawal related. Could my attempted reinstatement have been the straw that broke the camel's back? Can withdrawal/attempted re-instatement contribute to the re-emergence of a latent condition (in my case vestibular neuritis which seemed to trigger chronic migrainous vertigo?) I did put my body through a hell of a lot over a the space of a few months. Could it improve naturally as I emerge from withdrawal?

 

Anyway, I may have some way forward with this. I'm not trying meds yet because my doctor doesn't want me to yet. I was diagnosed with mild obstructive sleep apnoea back in 2011. They gave me a mouth advancement device but it made my jaw really ache so I couldn't tolerate it. I've recently had another sleep study to see if this has worsened/confirm the results of the original study. If this is the case, my doc wants me to trial CPAP for 3 months because he thinks it is triggering the migraine/vertigo. If it works, presumably I'll need to use it indefinitely. If not, it seems my only option is meds.