Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

☼ angie007's story


Altostrata

Recommended Posts

  • Administrator

angie, you're having good days, too. That's a very good sign.

 

Patience, angie.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey, Angie! I hope your husband free weekend was relaxing. Hang in there, girlfriend.

 

1989 - 1992 Parnate* 

1992-1998 Paxil - pooped out*, oxazapam, inderal

1998 - 2005 Celexa - pooped out* klonopin, oxazapam, inderal

*don't remember doses

2005 -2007   Cymbalta 60 mg oxazapam, inderal, klonopin

Started taper in 2007:

CT klonopin, oxazapam, inderal (beta blocker) - 2007

Cymbalta 60mg to 30mg 2007 -2010

July 2010 - March 2018 on hiatus due to worsening w/d symptoms, which abated and finally disappeared. Then I stalled for about 5 years because I didn't want to deal with W/D.

March 2018 - May 2018 switch from 30mg Cymbalta to 20mg Celexa 

19 mg Celexa October 7, 2018

18 mg Celexa November 5, 2018

17 mg Celexa  December 2, 2019

16 mg Celexa January 6, 2018 

15 mg Celexa March 7, 2019

14 mg Celexa April 24, 2019

13 mg Celexa June 28, 2019

12.8 mg Celexa November 10, 2019

12.4 Celexa August 31, 2020

12.2 Celexa December 28, 2020

12 mg Celexa March 2021

11 mg  Celexa February 2023

 

Link to comment

Hi Guys,

 

Baxter my husband free weekend well what can i say apart from i survived!! it was hard, as i spend a lot of time alone anyway, but i did it, he came back on Sunday evening and seemed very pleased to see me, Monday the arrangements were made for the 2nd stag weekend which entails 2 nights away, that takes place in 3 weeks time, what a year to have had 2 new granddaughters born, and 2 daughters getting married, and me - in bloody wd.

 

So now I'm back whining on again, this time about a friend of mine, a friend I've had for the best part of nearly 30yrs.

And it involves my elderly father who is 87, he is not in good health apart from the fact that he has Macular degeneration and is partially deaf, yes he knew id taken an antidepressant but.... i never ever told him about the wd or my struggles to get off it, because i didn't want to worry him, and consequently since coming off the drug id laid low and led him to believe that our morning meets were going to be put on hold for a while as i was out and busy shopping for the forthcoming two weddings, which he accepted. That was to give me the time i needed to cope with what i was dealing with in wd, as for 22yrs since my mum died he had visited my house each and every day arriving before 9am in the morning, and hanging around here for most of the day, leaving me very little time to get anything done.

He is also very opinionated and doctor orientated, which used to drive my anxiety out of control, and as i was trying to calm my cns to ease the symptoms, i made the decision to take the break i needed in order to cope.

 

i explained to my girls my motive and to this friend, and it was agreed that if they visited my father they would say nothing except mum is out busy shopping for the two weddings.

That is until....... my father foned my friends house, her husband does some gardening for him, hedge trimming etc last night, and all he said was that he hadn't seen me in a while - she then proceeds to tell him all about my struggles since coming off Seroxat, and even had the cheek to ring me to tell me.

YES!!!!! of course i am absolutely furious, what the hell gives her the right to do that, when she has been asked not to say anything, as it would worry him, and she knew i was laying low as i didnt want him to see what i was going through - its worked for weeks, not only for him, but for me too, even my girls have visited and said absolutely nothing as agreed.

My friendship with this person now is unlikely to ever be the same again, i know now, that i cannot trust her, i feel that she has taken away my right to choose to make a decision i thought was in the best interests of myself and my father, i feel absolutely betrayed and upset, and worried about my fathers health now too. This is a person who 5yrs ago had her own mother in the same position as my father is in, and she asked me not to divulge things that were going on in her life that her mum would worry about and find upsetting, which of course i understood and did exactly as i was asked and said nothing!!!!!!!

 

Am i being unreasonable here, have i the right to be angry? has this person betrayed my trust and overstepped the mark?

Or due to wd am i not seeing it for what it really is, as im trying so hard to be rational here, and the only thing i can see right now, is the fact that she has betrayed my trust.

Its a sad fact that for me in wd, the only friends i have, that i can really trust are friends i have made on internet forums, cyber friends, people who truly do understand.

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment

To make matters worse, this friend did a fast taper from Seroxat/paxil and effexor too, and yes she may have suffered, but not in the way some of us here do,

i just expected her to understand and be there to support me, and if this is her idea of support, then i dont know what i think anymore.

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Oh, well, angie, isn't that the way of friends and family -- they love to spread juicy info around!

 

Please stay calm. Now, you may be worried you've hurt your dad's feelings. Instead of being angry at your friend, this may help you connect again with your dad. Why not talk to him and straighten it out? Now that he knows, perhaps he will be supportive instead of driving you crazy. He seems like a loving parent.

 

And if you have visits with him again, maybe you won't feel so alone.

 

A second bachelor party! This wedding is really some kind of bash, isn't it?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

I am calm alto, just angry, this friend betrayed my trust, id confided so much over the 30 more or less yrs we had been friends and trusted her,

and she knew that my elderly father would ever accept that a legal prescription drug could do this to innocent people, he would worry himself

to death, he is 87 for GODS sake.

 

Yes i will see my dad, but there is no way i will discuss any of this with him, its not fair, he has enough issues of his own, without

worrying about me too.

 

Alto wedding bash is exactly the correct term i'm glad to see all are enjoying themselves, and looking forward to the day,

but i'm sad i'm not in a position to partake in the same way - wish to GOD i was.

Events like this, make me realise just how far away from being and feeling NORMAL, and that hurts.

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Well guys,

 

Just dropped by with an update for you all, and hope what i have to say here will help others struggling to believe that living a life is indeed possible at any level while in wd.

 

As most here will know ive had a busy stressful last couple of months, as 2 of my daughters decided they are getting married this year - both within 6 weeks of each other. Well, i visited the doctor and he prescribed me 6 diazepam to get me through those days lol.

 

 

 

The wedding was saturday 9th july.

I had a hair appointment at 9am which i went to, i had nails done, i also got a TAN, and i also wrote something beautiful called " my daughter is the bride" which made everyone cry that read it lol.

I went to the wedding, 200 people at the church, we had a limousine for myself and the bridesmaids, and one for my husband and my daughter.

The wedding was an emotional but beautiful day, with all of my grandchildren there.

My daughter looked absolutely stunning, and the whole day was just heavenly - really, i needed NO DIAZEPAM, NOTHING, and i had anxiety too, which kicked in around 5pm, but i dealt with it, i was determined not to take anything.

I now have 2 little lodgers for the week, one of 2 and one of 4 months, that im looking after while my daughter is in Greece on honeymoon for a week.

 

The reason i am writing this is, to let everyone who is struggling right now know, that yes it is hard, and no its not symptom free yet, but it is still possible to live some sort if life while we are in wd, and yes !!!!! i believed for weeks before this wedding, that i was too ill to go, symptoms were too awful and i had a fear!!! of not coming across as a normal person in front of others.

You know what!!!!! that is sheer wd talking, it has us convinced that we cannot do this or that, when in reality we can do anything we want to do, and i have proved this to myself now, by achieving all of this and i am now 9 weeks off paxil, so if i can do this, then that should give others hope that they can too.

 

And you know whAT????? the next wedding is 6 weeks away and i hate to say this lol, but im actually looking forward to buying another outfit and doing it all over again hahahaha.

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Awesome, Angie! I am so glad it was a good day for you.

 

1989 - 1992 Parnate* 

1992-1998 Paxil - pooped out*, oxazapam, inderal

1998 - 2005 Celexa - pooped out* klonopin, oxazapam, inderal

*don't remember doses

2005 -2007   Cymbalta 60 mg oxazapam, inderal, klonopin

Started taper in 2007:

CT klonopin, oxazapam, inderal (beta blocker) - 2007

Cymbalta 60mg to 30mg 2007 -2010

July 2010 - March 2018 on hiatus due to worsening w/d symptoms, which abated and finally disappeared. Then I stalled for about 5 years because I didn't want to deal with W/D.

March 2018 - May 2018 switch from 30mg Cymbalta to 20mg Celexa 

19 mg Celexa October 7, 2018

18 mg Celexa November 5, 2018

17 mg Celexa  December 2, 2019

16 mg Celexa January 6, 2018 

15 mg Celexa March 7, 2019

14 mg Celexa April 24, 2019

13 mg Celexa June 28, 2019

12.8 mg Celexa November 10, 2019

12.4 Celexa August 31, 2020

12.2 Celexa December 28, 2020

12 mg Celexa March 2021

11 mg  Celexa February 2023

 

Link to comment

Fantastic Angie!!

 

 

Also good to hear that you're excited about the next wedding!

 

 

May you experience many more meaningful and fulfilling life events!

 

 

Punar

To Face My Trials with "The Grace of a Woman Rather Than the Grief of a Child". (quote section by Veronica A. Shoffstall)

 

Be Not Afraid of Growing Slowly. Be Afraid of Only Standing Still.

(Chinese Proverb)

 

I Create and Build Empowerment Within Each Time I Choose to Face A Fear, Sit with it and Ask Myself, "What Do I Need to Learn?"

Link to comment

Great update, Angie :)

 

Hope there will be many more bright days ahead!!

End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.
End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in.

Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

angie, you forgot to tell us July 12 was your birthday!

 

Happy birthday, dear friend.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,ANGIE!

 

1989 - 1992 Parnate* 

1992-1998 Paxil - pooped out*, oxazapam, inderal

1998 - 2005 Celexa - pooped out* klonopin, oxazapam, inderal

*don't remember doses

2005 -2007   Cymbalta 60 mg oxazapam, inderal, klonopin

Started taper in 2007:

CT klonopin, oxazapam, inderal (beta blocker) - 2007

Cymbalta 60mg to 30mg 2007 -2010

July 2010 - March 2018 on hiatus due to worsening w/d symptoms, which abated and finally disappeared. Then I stalled for about 5 years because I didn't want to deal with W/D.

March 2018 - May 2018 switch from 30mg Cymbalta to 20mg Celexa 

19 mg Celexa October 7, 2018

18 mg Celexa November 5, 2018

17 mg Celexa  December 2, 2019

16 mg Celexa January 6, 2018 

15 mg Celexa March 7, 2019

14 mg Celexa April 24, 2019

13 mg Celexa June 28, 2019

12.8 mg Celexa November 10, 2019

12.4 Celexa August 31, 2020

12.2 Celexa December 28, 2020

12 mg Celexa March 2021

11 mg  Celexa February 2023

 

Link to comment

You guys are just amazing - THANKYOU so much, i really appreciate it, along with the support i get too. x

 

Alto didnt forget - it was just a bad day with wd symptoms,

but i got through and made the most of it.

im gonna try and download a picture for you all of this wedding on saturday with permission from Alto of course,

will wait to hear from you.

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment

This was a mum and daughter special!!!

Which my daughter thinks i should share with my good friends here, hope you all like it.

 

Just once upon a yesterday, I held you in my arms, you grew into a lovely girl, with cheeky childhood charms,

Now it seems I only turned around, to see you by ****s side,

I cant believe my eyes today - my daughter is the bride.

 

I guess, somehow, I always knew, this day would soon be here, still wonder as I look at you, what became of all those years,

No words could ever quite express, the way I feel today, I cant believe my eyes today-my daughter is the bride.

 

And the laughter and the teardrops,the sunshine and the rain, I'd relive every moment to bring them back again,

but now the time has come, to send you on your way,so I wish you every happiness and blessings on your day,

I hope the love I've given you, will forever be your guide,

I cant believe my eyes today - my daughter is the bride.

 

So today dear daughter, as you walk down the aisle, you will see all those faces wearing a smile,

but as we remember those young tender years, our smiles will conceal a few hidden tears,

Cos now you have grown and made me feel proud, as you smile for the camera and the rest of the crowd,

be blissfully happy and enjoy your day, as I'm always here for you, come what may,

Just be happy and content with your life,

Because from today, you become ****s wife.

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment

i am glad things go well for you

 

bye!

for anxiety 

12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 

67 years old - 9 years  med free

 

in protracted withdrawal

rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate,

function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little 

 

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Oh, that was the bad word filter throwing some ******* (flowers) at you! (It's a little eccentric, I'll have to change it.)

 

Very lovely, anj, made me tear up.

 

Of course you can post your photos here.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Hi Angie, so glad to hear you had a great time at the wedding! And that poem is so lovely and touching.

 

May you have much more happiness to come.

Off Lexapro since 3rd November 2011.

Link to comment

Thank you guys for your kind messages, its much appreciated, especially as, the last decent (ish) day i had was he day of the wedding 9th july,

since then its all gone south, what with symptoms of wd.

 

No day since has been very good, but today has been the absolute pits which started at 6.30am and hasnt let up all day long,

the anxiety has been brutal, the crazy mental head has been relentless and awful, WHY guys, i slow tapered, why has this happened,

can it be normal for us, in wd to suffer in this way. the thoughts i have tried to control but lost the battle so many times today its untrue,

my eyes are so swollen and red raw from crying, this is some scary stuff.

I knew it wasnt going to be easy, but i guess i didnt expect it to be so brutal as i spent so much time tapering so slowly.

This is so unfair, no one should have to go through this to ditch a legal prescription drug.

im off to bed ive had more than enough for one day, but i have to say, im a little apprehensive about waking up and having to do

this all over again tomorrow.

 

maybe..... some words of encouragement and reassurance from you guys is what i need to pull me through, sure could use them.

Thanks for listening, i hate to whine, but the last 9 days has not been at all easy.

Does anyone know???? if wd symptoms tend to ramp up at around 3 months off by any chance- or if this is likely to be just

a bad wave, if so, its been a long one. So sorry its not better news, i sincerely wish it was.

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment

Hi Angie,

 

sorry you're suffering, isnt that the way it goes with withdrawal eh, ups and downs. Maybe after the wedding your body was just tired from it?

Remember how it is with many others...waves and windows, you might feel a lot better soon even though youre suffering now.

Off Lexapro since 3rd November 2011.

Link to comment

Hi Angie... my withdrawal was actually pretty livable until about 4 months in. I'm going through the worst of it now in terms of anxiety (I hope). There seems to be a lot of variety in how we respond as individuals, but it makes sense that some of the worst stuff will come months later, as our brains and bodies are trying to readjust. I'm suffering from some pretty severe anxiety and insomnia... it's only been a few days of the really, really bad phase, and already I go through moments when I feel like I'm not going to make it. I try to remind myself that this means there is some serious "moving around" going on in my brain, and THAT must mean this is a phase of healing. So hang in there, know you are not alone, and that things WILL improve. We are rooting for you!

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

Link to comment

Hi Angie,

 

I'm so sorry you're in a rough patch. Please hang on. There will be better times ahead.

I know for me, 3 months after I stopped was when things got much worse.

 

You've had a busy month with lost of emotional things going on along with the withdrawal. Go easy on yourself. You can do this.

History is approximate; I didn't track my dosages.

 

1995 - started zoloft/sertraline for depression

1995-2008 - sertraline ranged from 100-200mg, may have gone as high as 250mg

2006 - 2009 - added welbutrin/budeprion SR, 150 mg

sometime in 2009-2010 - stopped budeprion c/t

sometime around 2009-2010, Tapered down sertraline w/o guidance to 50 mg, then 25mg.

~ feb 2010, stopped sertraline.

~ Apr 2010, resumed 25mg low dose (really bad business trip)

Oct 2010, stopped sertraline

Jan 2011 - another bad business trip "breaks" my sleep.

 

current issues include insomnia, anxiety, GI distress, depression.

Taking multivitamins, Vitamin D, fish oil, Chinese herbs, ~ 0.5mg melatonin in the evening.

Going to therapy and acupuncture once a week.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Guys/phil,

 

I so appreciate you guys checking in on me, it means so much.

 

Since the wedding of 9th July, things as regards wd have been pretty brutal to be honest, as in mental head/weird stabbing pains in the head,

anxiety and low mood.

Today has probably been the beast of them all. I had an awful day yesterday, felt really sick like i was gonna pass out many times,

went to bed last night the anxiety/panic ramped up and it took me ages to get to sleep, and i woke early this morning, the low low mood

is really not nice, been fighting back the tears all day, now 12 weeks off.

Just hope this passes soon, and thanks guys for caring to check in, really appreciate it.

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

ang, you're going to be okay.

 

All of us have spells when we ask "Why me?" and feel very sad.

 

Maybe you've been under a lot of stress lately, with a lot of socializing, etc.? A lot of sugar, a lot of alcohol?

 

Your body and nervous system may need to settle down.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Hey Angie,

 

Remember that you had some good days inbetween and they will come back. I guess the most important thing is that even if things brighten up, one has to stay calm and not stress oneself too much (not even with positive stress!) or it gets downhill again very quickly.

 

I wish you all the best!

End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.
End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in.

Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left.

Link to comment

Thanks Guys,

 

Im sure many here know exactly the sort of time im having -or at least i hope you do for my peace of mind, that it is all normal in wd.

I have socialised with friends but definately not any sugar or certainly no alcohol, havent touched a drop in 15 yrs lol, its such an uncomfortable

painful feeling to have to experience all of this, and it seemed to come out of nowhere.

I cant live in a dark room for as long as this is going to take, so am trying to live some sort of a life, and when you feel like your nervous system is really

gone haywire and the horrendous stabbing head pain, along with never feeling well, let alone the low moods and trying to fight back the tears all the time, its really

not easy, all i can do is my best - and hope for the best.

There are days i lack even hope that this ends i swear, today is one of them..... all i can hold onto is, that tomorrow will be a bit better

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment

Can I ask here please,

Does it get any worse???

 

If it does, then i cant do this!!!!!

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment

Hi Angie, you're about 3 months off which is when many people get the worst of the withdrawal hit them, from what I have read.

 

I know what it's like when every day is a battle, feeling pure misery, and you just want to crawl to bed only to have to get up and make it through another day.

It feels neverending when you're going through it.

 

Is there one small thing that would bring you some happiness today?

Off Lexapro since 3rd November 2011.

Link to comment

Hi Phil,

 

Thank you my friend for responding to me, it means a lot, most dont want to hear any of this at all.

Even my doctor, he told me, he don't want to hear about symptoms, so no point in seeing him.

 

I had already heard from here, that 3 months or so is when wd ramps up, and i guess, i hope and pray that it aint gonna

ramp up too much more, especially after my 56month slow/long taper, that would be beyond cruel, and i am disappointed

that my slow/long taper and the following 3 months have been so brutal to be honest.

But i guess that is the hand i've been dealt for taking this drug on trust. This 3 month ramp up - anyone know how long this can last????? and do things eventually calm back down again????

 

The low mood of the last few days doesn't seem quite as low today, but its been replaced with thoughts of dying and death which im trying to push to the back of my mind, ahh yes, the battle, it sure is one hell of a battle, and one i have to win, for my families sake and my own, and working so so hard to do that and get through this the best way i know how.

 

Some days i often think maybe i need to be on something to make all of this go away - but rationally i know, that turning to another drug is not the way to go and is not going to work, as i had akathesia on the tiniest doses.

So, all thats left is me and my fight to get through yet another day in paxil hell i guess.

 

What would make me happy Phil - is to see the back of all this, once and for all, but thats unlikely to happen as

quickly as id like, so for now, im going out with a friend for a couple of hours and hoping to get some small pleasure from that, and what i would like to do is to throw away this paxil pity pot, im so sick of sitting on it lol, this is just so not me at all. You guys here, and i know everyone here is suffering, must think im a right whinger and moaner, but thats just not true, and i hate to think i come across in that way, but this is one form of hell, that no one should ever have to endure to get off a legal prescription drug - it takes us to places, i never ever knew existed.

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment

Oh Angie, I know exactly what you're saying, I know that place far too well as I'm sure do the others here. The feelings take over your world, to the point where they feel like they are reality.

When in this state it feels like no one cares or understands, or wants to hear it (those who havent ever gone through withdrawal anyway).

I guess that's the comfort of this site, we all know what it feels like. You're certainly not a whinger Angie, you're expressing how you feel, I don't think you're a whinger anyway.

 

I have many of the same thoughts as you, wondering if I need to be on some kind of medication, wondering when it will end, etc. I guess that's a natural reaction to wanting the pain to stop.

 

As for the length of time...I hope the others can give you more of an idea, but I remember on the lexapro w/d page that 3-6 months off would be the hardest, and after that things would improve.

 

*Sending healing thoughts your way*

 

Hope you enjoy seeing your friend.

Off Lexapro since 3rd November 2011.

Link to comment

Angie, I'm so glad you're getting together with a friend for a bit, and I hope that brings you some relief and distraction.

 

Are you able to go out for a walk? Unfortunately it has been too hot here lately and I have not been going for walks as I should, but I think it does help.

 

You wrote that what would make you happy is to be on the other side of this. Can you imagine what that would look like? See yourself doing things you enjoy and being content? I don't know if it's a good idea, but I'm thinking anything that can give you a break from the intrusive negative thoughts would be nice.

 

I'm just rambling, which is my way of trying to say that I'm thinking about you and wishing you calm and peaceful thoughts and deep, cleansing breaths.

History is approximate; I didn't track my dosages.

 

1995 - started zoloft/sertraline for depression

1995-2008 - sertraline ranged from 100-200mg, may have gone as high as 250mg

2006 - 2009 - added welbutrin/budeprion SR, 150 mg

sometime in 2009-2010 - stopped budeprion c/t

sometime around 2009-2010, Tapered down sertraline w/o guidance to 50 mg, then 25mg.

~ feb 2010, stopped sertraline.

~ Apr 2010, resumed 25mg low dose (really bad business trip)

Oct 2010, stopped sertraline

Jan 2011 - another bad business trip "breaks" my sleep.

 

current issues include insomnia, anxiety, GI distress, depression.

Taking multivitamins, Vitamin D, fish oil, Chinese herbs, ~ 0.5mg melatonin in the evening.

Going to therapy and acupuncture once a week.

Link to comment

I don't really have any answers, but I just wanted to chime in with the understanding and encouragement. I recently am fighting my way out of what has been the worst part of my withdrawal. It is very slow going and erratic improvement, but it is there. So it's possible! I wish you courage and moments of serenity to see you through to the other side...

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

I just want to recommend this virtual recovery spa. Of course it's all imaginary, but I feel better every time I visit it.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

YOU guys all of you here, are the greatest i swear, thank you for your kind messages and words of encouragement

they mean so much, i'm truly grateful to be amongst people who really do understand, and most of all care!!!

 

Thank you all!!!

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment

Just want to add that it was at the three month mark that I stupidly went back on Celexa... at that time I had no idea it was withdrawal related, and was positive the original symptoms had returned. So, just ride this out the best way you can. When the intrusive thoughts come around, like Alto suggested in another thread, change the channel. It really works... give it a try.

 

Changing the channel has been great therapy for me. If I'm thinking about something I don't have to be thinking about, I simply tell myself to... Change the Channel. I actually do that and start thinking about something more pleasant - like the flowers in my patio, the new friend I recently met, my granddaughter, what I'd like for dinner, the spa of our dreams... I think you get the point.

 

Happier thoughts to you.

 

 

Charter Member 2011

Link to comment

Thank you so much for all your kind words and tips to get through this part,

its a beast isnt it.

 

I went out yesterday with a friend and drove 32 mile to another town and had a day just strolling around shopping, and felt better after a while,although when we stopped for lunch

i could feel the crazy crap brewing back up - but i made it and managed to push those thoughts aside, and actually managed to have a laugh of sorts coming home, something i hadn't done in a while.

 

Today, the crap is back, had a stroll round the car boot, not easy when your fighting the thoughts, but i did it.

When i got home, i found an email from a friend who used to visit the other site , she wrote and told me this!!!!!

And im going to run this past you guys for reassurance.

 

She got off paxil 2 weeks before me, so she is now 14 wks free.

She asked me a question a couple of days ago, as in "what would make me happy???

So I replied and said, " to be through with all this paxil/wd stuff and be able to live a life free of symptoms, as i was prior to my use.

 

She wrote me back saying, that if i cant accept what symptoms i have now and get on with my life i will never be happy.

In other words, if this is as good as it gets, then i should be happy and accept that.

And that i am my own worst enemy for expecting more!!!!

 

So what is so wrong?????

Is she right??? should we all just accept that this is how we are and be happy and move on???

Or is it right that we all here are unhappy with having to live with this crap through no fault of our own???

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy