☼ angie007's story

[angie007]

Thank you shanti , really needed to read that today, and baxter and alto too, thanks as always for your hand holding and kind words, means so much

on days where we struggle badly, so glad you guys are out there. x

Heres hoping everyone's tomorrow is better.

[ajay]

Hi Angie.

 

I'm thinking of you and wishing you longer windows, overall healing, and happy travels in your car.

[angie007]

Why the hell does everything seem to go wrong at once eh, ive lost so much sleep the last couple of weeks, not down to wd, the fact that i have marriage problems,

which is not helping with my wd symptoms one little bit.

 

Guess whats really driving this is;-

How much of my marriage problems are down to this crap im going through??

 

It has gotten to the stage that we just cannot agree on anything anymore - we just seem to tolerate each other, his opinions always differ to mine, on just about everything,

this culminates in words, raised voices, sleepless nights for me, while i mentally digest all that he says, which in turn drives the symptoms.

 

His lack of support has been a major issue for me to deal with also, as the way i see it, if he really cared about me, i wouldnt have to drive the wheel so hard and beg for the support i need.

When i mention this fact --------- it gets dismissed and swept under the carpet, along with so many other issues that remain unsolved from previous yrs problems.

I fail to understand how he just cant see whats right in front of him anymore, maybe........he just chooses to ignore it, as he doesnt want to see it? OR MAYBE

feels he cant help in any way.

Anyone else having similar issues.

[compsports]

Why the hell does everything seem to go wrong at once eh, ive lost so much sleep the last couple of weeks, not down to wd, the fact that i have marriage problems,

which is not helping with my wd symptoms one little bit.

 

Guess whats really driving this is;-

How much of my marriage problems are down to this crap im going through??

 

It has gotten to the stage that we just cannot agree on anything anymore - we just seem to tolerate each other, his opinions always differ to mine, on just about everything,

this culminates in words, raised voices, sleepless nights for me, while i mentally digest all that he says, which in turn drives the symptoms.

 

His lack of support has been a major issue for me to deal with also, as the way i see it, if he really cared about me, i wouldnt have to drive the wheel so hard and beg for the support i need.

When i mention this fact --------- it gets dismissed and swept under the carpet, along with so many other issues that remain unsolved from previous yrs problems.

I fail to understand how he just cant see whats right in front of him anymore, maybe........he just chooses to ignore it, as he doesnt want to see it? OR MAYBE

feels he cant help in any way.

Anyone else having similar issues.

 

Hi Angie,

 

I am so sorry you are experiencing marriage issues.

 

It is hard to say what is causing what. Is counseling/therapy an option as it seems you need a good professional who can help you clarify the issues and sort things out.

 

Of course, you would have to make sure the professional is willing to learn about withdrawal issues if he/she doesn't understand them.

 

Did you have marriage problems before you went on Paxil?

 

CS

[angie007]

Hi CS,

 

Yes, have had marriage problems for a long time, and those issues were never ever resolved, but while i was on paxil, i was complacent and put up with almost anything that was thrown my way,

now bits of the old me are coming back at 6months off, paxil and wd seems to be his excuse for treating me wrongly, and the issues we have he puts down to wd, and the way i have changed.

Yes wd has not been kind in any way, but is not responsible for everything that is going on here, although issues seem to be magnified i will agree.

 

And no!!!!! it is likely that he will not consider counselling, he never has done before.

[compsports]

Hi Angie,

 

I totally understand.

 

Even when there aren't WD issues, when the person who has been very complacent starts coming back to life, that is always threatening to other person for obvious reasons.

 

What about getting counseling yourself as perhaps the professional could give you advice in getting your husband to come in also? Even if she/he can't, it still might be helpful.

 

CS

 

Hi CS,

 

Yes, have had marriage problems for a long time, and those issues were never ever resolved, but while i was on paxil, i was complacent and put up with almost anything that was thrown my way,

now bits of the old me are coming back at 6months off, paxil and wd seems to be his excuse for treating me wrongly, and the issues we have he puts down to wd, and the way i have changed.

Yes wd has not been kind in any way, but is not responsible for everything that is going on here, although issues seem to be magnified i will agree.

 

And no!!!!! it is likely that he will not consider counselling, he never has done before.

 

[Barbarannamated]

Yes, have had marriage problems for a long time, and those issues were never ever resolved, but while i was on paxil, i was complacent and put up with almost anything that was thrown my way,

now bits of the old me are coming back at 6months off, paxil and wd seems to be his excuse for treating me wrongly, and the issues we have he puts down to wd, and the way i have changed.

Yes wd has not been kind in any way, but is not responsible for everything that is going on here, although issues seem to be magnified i will agree.

And no!!!!! it is likely that he will not consider counselling, he never has done before.

 

Oh, Angie, I could have written this! When my emotions (read: anger!) began to break through after years of being blunted by meds, it scared me. I think I described it somewhere. I was always reserved (self-blunted) before meds--maybe part of the reason I felt depressed? I feel that the 15+ years on meds 'helped' me supress my feelings even more--both good and bad. I tapered off of Pristiq from Aug.2010 thru the spring. It was very unsystematic. I knew to taper b/c I had been on Effexor for years and had problems if I missed just one dose (dizzy, zaps). For some unknown reason, I had none of the obvious and immediate effects when tapering Pristiq, but,in retrospect, DID have DP/DR, vague emotional stuff, and the 'breakthroughs'. It felt like I had woken from 15 years of my life dismantling. As my mind replayed everything, the emotions I SHOULD have had at the time came thru. To compound things, my husband is an MD who is also very medicated (2 ADs, a stim, benzo+Z sleeper -- by same doc that treated me) and very stoic/unemotional ('robotic' has been used to describe him). When I began to regain emotions, I was absolutely enraged by his lack of emotion. I had so much emotional energy built up but had no place to go, nothing to 'bounce off of' even if it was anger coming back at me. Anything would have been better than a blank stare! That was absolutely maddening (just what I needed as I felt like i was going crazy!). I didn't know that I was having DC reactions at that point.

I drove ALOT. It was my escape, my safe place, and, as one friend suggested, a way to feel some bit of control. (Her father, incidentally, was a psychiatrist who was against psych meds years ago and wrote about it but never published).

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack. Just saying I understand. It's hard to sort out what's what, but I've also known things were bad for many years. I can only speculate as to why I couldn't seem to take action.

I think that men also have an innate need to solve problems rather than 'just listen' and offer support. When the medical establishment doesn't even acknowledge the problem, it makes it even harder for lay people to understand.

Have you seen the post of "what others mght see" or 'how WD may look to others'? I believe it is under Family. I also believe Alto will correct me if wrong

There is also a very interesting post by a woman who started meds in her teens and DC'd in her 20s and is experiencing marriage issues due emotional/physical blunting. She posted a few months ago. Haven't seen her recently.

RE: therapy. That's been a tough one for me. I've felt unheard even before DCing and came away feeling worse. I'm not a good one to comment on that.

 

I do not mean to convey that I am off all meds. I must put that in my sig now that I'm on a real computer and not my mobile. I have a long way to go.

 

Vyvanse qam, trazodone & Klonopin qhs.

[Altostrata]

The Family forum is a good place to have more discussion.

[Maybe]

I am sorry that you have trouble with your marriage, especially while you are still in wd.

On the contrary, it is very positive that you slowly get back your old self!

 

I wish you much energy to overcome the current situation, be it wd or "real life" issues!

[Phil]

 

It has gotten to the stage that we just cannot agree on anything anymore - we just seem to tolerate each other, his opinions always differ to mine, on just about everything,

this culminates in words, raised voices, sleepless nights for me, while i mentally digest all that he says, which in turn drives the symptoms.

 

His lack of support has been a major issue for me to deal with also, as the way i see it, if he really cared about me, i wouldnt have to drive the wheel so hard and beg for the support i need.

When i mention this fact --------- it gets dismissed and swept under the carpet, along with so many other issues that remain unsolved from previous yrs problems.

I fail to understand how he just cant see whats right in front of him anymore, maybe........he just chooses to ignore it, as he doesnt want to see it? OR MAYBE

feels he cant help in any way.

Anyone else having similar issues.

 

Hi Angie,

 

Although I am not married or anything, I can relate to the arguments and disagreements thing.

I genuinely think that w/d makes us more prone to have these problems. I have been med-free for 3 days now and I have felt very irritable with my friend when he has been over. I have to stop myself getting into arguments with him, because similar to you and your hubby his opinion always differ to mine. But it's not like a "friendly" debate, it's more like heated arguments, and seems to escalate. And then I just feel bad and blame myself afterwards.

 

So, I do think w/d can be partly to blame, but also if you had issues with your hubby before stopping meds I think that is going to be mega-intensified during withdrawal.

[angie007]

Hi Phil,

 

CongraTs on being med free, thats brilliant news, i know, flipping drugs eh, the problem for me seems to be one of feeling resentful towards him for being non supportive more than anything else, i mean people on forums like this can offer support freely to others who we may never meet, and it hurts to think that there is no support from a 34 yr marital partner.

Maybe i expect too much i dont know -------- ive begged and pleaded for support at diffrent times through out this, and never gotten it, and tried my hardest to make him understand when its been really bad, he just dont get it!!!!

Guess i have to accept, that unless you have been in our shoes, it is hard to offer the support thats needed, as all im hearing is " you cant be that sick, because you look so well" ----- if only that wAS HOW IT REALLY IS.

 

But thank you for your kind words and understanding all of you, it means a lot.

[Phil]

Hi Phil,

 

CongraTs on being med free, thats brilliant news, i know, flipping drugs eh, the problem for me seems to be one of feeling resentful towards him for being non supportive more than anything else, i mean people on forums like this can offer support freely to others who we may never meet, and it hurts to think that there is no support from a 34 yr marital partner.

Maybe i expect too much i dont know -------- ive begged and pleaded for support at diffrent times through out this, and never gotten it, and tried my hardest to make him understand when its been really bad, he just dont get it!!!!

Guess i have to accept, that unless you have been in our shoes, it is hard to offer the support thats needed, as all im hearing is " you cant be that sick, because you look so well" ----- if only that wAS HOW IT REALLY IS.

 

But thank you for your kind words and understanding all of you, it means a lot.

 

Thanks Angie.

 

You hit the nail on the head - people just dont understand w/d unless they've been there themselves.

I've tried to make people understand, but my friends, my family, counsellor...none of them get it, and it makes me feel resentful to.

 

"you cant be that sick, because you look so well" - this is frustrating too, we look normal to others but no one knows what is going on inside.

 

At least we know we aren't crazy because of forums like this!

[Shanti]

 

Hi Phil,

 

CongraTs on being med free, thats brilliant news, i know, flipping drugs eh, the problem for me seems to be one of feeling resentful towards him for being non supportive more than anything else, i mean people on forums like this can offer support freely to others who we may never meet, and it hurts to think that there is no support from a 34 yr marital partner.

Maybe i expect too much i dont know -------- ive begged and pleaded for support at diffrent times through out this, and never gotten it, and tried my hardest to make him understand when its been really bad, he just dont get it!!!!

Guess i have to accept, that unless you have been in our shoes, it is hard to offer the support thats needed, as all im hearing is " you cant be that sick, because you look so well" ----- if only that wAS HOW IT REALLY IS.

 

But thank you for your kind words and understanding all of you, it means a lot.

 

Thanks Angie.

 

You hit the nail on the head - people just dont understand w/d unless they've been there themselves.

I've tried to make people understand, but my friends, my family, counsellor...none of them get it, and it makes me feel resentful to.

 

"you cant be that sick, because you look so well" - this is frustrating too, we look normal to others but no one knows what is going on inside.

 

At least we know we aren't crazy because of forums like this!

 

I totally relate. I have friends that are suggesting things that I know won't help or I know will just aggravate the nervous system. I just wanted to pipe in and say too that I'm grateful that I find people here that can understand what I'm going through. No one can know this that hasn't been there.

[pax80a]

hope your doing better angie! It will get so much better!

[angie007]

Hey Pax my friend,

 

Welcome and thanxs for dropping by to check us out lol, yes things have settled down, until stress from something or somebody ramps it up, but at least i know what caused the flare up.

Yeah im doing ok buddy, just hoping that one day i will be able to handle better the ups and downs that life throws our way sometimes you know, families eh.

Still hope your doing ok my friend and life is treating you kindly x

[angie007]

Hi Guys,

 

Sorry i havent been here in a while, have found ive been having a few better days each week, with maybe one pretty rotten day and the rest slightly more tolerable,

until......... a mega bust up -through no fault of my own with a friend -well with what i thought was a friend of almost 30 yrs.

It may be responsible for the latest ramp up -- who knows, but last night was one of the worst iv had in a long time, hopeless, helpless and nothing worth fighting this crap for,

that was my stinking thinking, woke early after a couple of hours sleep to more crap and a whining 2 yr old who isnt well either.

 

Hope all are seeing some improvement, slow as it is,

[Altostrata]

Well, ang, bad news about the trouble with your friend but GOOD NEWS that you're doing better. YAY!

[Phil]

Hey Angie, great to hear you're having better days

 

If it's any consolation I had a big bust-up with my best friend yesterday and it really ramped up my depression and hopelessness too.I felt the same as you describe all day yesterday and when I woke up this morning.

It's all ok now though as we patched things up.

[angie007]

Hi Guys,

 

How is everyone doing?? -----better i hope lol.

 

Well it seems such a long time since i last posted here so i thought id drop by with an update.

 

Since the last time i came here, my symptoms pretty much were tolerable for the most part, hence the major bust up with my friend, which has not been repaired and likely not to be, that was the start of the anxiety kicking back in.

Then as that started to settle down, my baby grandaughter was hospitaLISED And very poorly with a secondary chest infection.

Dont quite know how i got through that wk, what with babysitting the other sister and hospital visits, doing my daughters housework and washing along with my own -but i did.

Baby is now home and doing well happily ---------but the anxiety has hitten me hard, wasnt really expecting a ramp up this far out, but i guess in the nature of ssri wd, this far out to me, is a relatively short space of time.

Hopefully it is stress induced, rather than a ramp up of symptoms due to wd, but whatever its hard to deal with right now.

 

Sorry to only come back when things get hard, but could do with a little support to get through, and YES i still continue to help others going through exactly the same thing.

x

[angie007]

Forgot to add, its not only the anxiety, its the head pain, back of head and neck and the awful tearyness too, IM praying this will pass too and soon!!! x

[Altostrata]

Hello, angie. Sorry to hear of more troubles for you.

 

But -- it does sound like you are slowly improving, on average.

 

Hope you enjoy the holidays with your family now that your granddaughter is back home.

 

Always good to see your cheery face!

[angie007]

what has happened to my sleep???????

 

Friday no sleep, saturday no sleep, sunday i sleep, then monday again lucky if i got a couple of hours!!!

 

makes me feel "off" teary, jittery and shaky, why is this, am i doing something wrong, or am i just at a hard stage of wd i dunno,

but just [praying this passes soon.

[brighteningup]

I'm so sorry to hear your sleep has been rubbish the past few days.

 

I do hope you get a wonderful nights sleep tonight to make up for it...and if not that at least it gets better very very soon.

 

Take care, do restful relaxing things if you can.

[Altostrata]

angie, were you worrying about anything?

[angie007]

Hi Guys,

 

Thanxs for the hand holding guys, no Alto i dont think i was, its odd as i havent had any major sleep probs up until now, but have had a stressful past few wks, i noticed while i was under that amount of stress i was running normally, once the stress seemed to pass, i got hit with insane anxiety and the insomnia.

 

Cant help but wonder wether it is the stress thats ramped this up, i know we dont react in the same way after ads, but would have thought this would have happened while i was under the stress, rather than after it had died down.

 

Since friday i have had 2 nights sleep in 5, the anxiety has been super intense, and the head pain, back of head and neck has been worse too.

I notice that after a nights sleep, the symptoms are more tolerable, so hopefully this wont be long lived.

Prior to this ramp up, i was coping pretty well and doing far too much living, now, its felt like im back in the hole again, but.......

when this eases i will climb back out ---- i pray x

[brighteningup]

Hi Angie,

 

Has everything that's going on caused you to change your diet in anyway or cause you to act differently in ways that could have effected your sleep?

 

For example, I know when things get more frenetic I can end up drinking more caffeine and that can really muck my sleep patterns about.

 

Dunno if this helps, but I'm wondering if you might have been hit by the anxiety reaction now because in the previous weeks you were just too busy coping with everything that was happening that you didn't have time to react then. It's quite understandable you'd be feeling pretty worn after what's been happening, especially your grandaughter being very ill (good to hear she's doing better now).

 

If things are calmer now can you take some time just for you (even if it's just a day or half a day) to relax and recuperate?

 

It can be all too easy when you're busy supporting your family and friends, and being there for them, to forget to take time out to support yourself.

 

I know that I've had to learn to watch out for my anxiety ramping up due to external stresses, if I can spot it at the time, I make sure I take a minimum half an hour out to the relax in someway as soon as I can; if it's all too busy, then I find I may need to take a day or so to recuperate after the external stressor issues have been dealt with or at least are not so urgent. Doing this does seem to help me a lot though.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

Bright

[angie007]

Hi Brightening up,

 

Thank you so much, and yes that is a very real possibility, throughout all the stress period i ran around, how i dunno, maybe on pure adrenalin, now its calmed down i really do feel like im having an anxiety reaction, thank you for suggesting this - its a real possibility, i should have known better, but hey, you know how it is, during stressy times, we still have to function and be around to support others - then we fall after the event.

 

I will use the time before xmas to de stress as much as i can and yes, your right, we should all take time to take care of us too, should have realised though, its not as if im new to this game, and know, that it will be a good while before we can handle stress in the same way as we once did prior to ads. Pity life didnt enable us to do that sometimes lol.

 

Thank you again, really appreciate your kind words and input, and now im listening and will pay attention to the advice you have given me lol.

[angie007]

Hi Guys,

 

Well im back with an update, its now over 8mths since i quit paxil ( seroxat) yes iv had my brutal times, and have also had many good times too, iv recently joined a darts team and managed to win my singles and doubles last week, must have been a sheer fluke, beginners luck lol, so there have been some changes, although there subtle, but the anxiety is not raging and rampant mad as it once was, and i find myself not always noticing it as i once did, the back of head and neck pain is still present, although there have been some days where its been gone, only to return.

My mood has been fairly even until............. friday of last week, when i found myself very teary and the pity pot was in full flight with me sat comfortably on it, Saturday more of the same, but noticed in the afternoon that my gum was giving me some problems, its in an area where id lost a tooth while tapering and frankly i had akathesia and anxiety that bad, i couldnt sit to have the work needed done, anyway woke up Sunday still low and noticed some slight swelling of my face, and immediately realised it was from the root that had been left in and i had what looked like the beginning of an abcess, which was quite sore.

 

So today Monday, i woke early after not sleeping that brilliant, and called the doctor for some antibiotics YUCK i hate medicine, anyway i explained that since Seroxat tapering i was very hypersensitive and could only use AMOXYCILLIN, she was reluctant but agreed to do it. I arranged to pick up the script at afternoon surgery which i did, got the script cashed and drove home, when i got in i opened the packet only to learn that she had prescribed me CLARITHROMYCIN which i know i reacted badly to while tapering, so i called the surgery back the same thing, and explained to another doctor, who said i wil change the script, pick it up in an hour, so my husband called on his way home and i asked if he would mind getting it.

He came home and i opened the packet yet again only to find NO amoxycillin, BUT ERYTHROMYCIN this time it was now 5.30 and the surgery is shut, my face is sore and throbbing and swollen, im so frustrated as id tried so hard since 9am to get this sorted out.out of sheer frustration i just broke down in tears, my head started playing up the pain in the head and neck started, and i was shaky, i didnt know what to do. So after i calmed down a bit, i went to an out of hours walk in clinic and saw a doctor, i explained what had happened and she willingly gave me the script and told me to report the surgery, as thaT TREATMENT OF A PATIENT WAS DISGUSTING, she didnt bat an eyelid, when i mentioned sensitivities since paxil, i was shocked.

Any way, i know have the AMOXYCILLIN, and im praying hard that i will be able to make the abcess go away and the swelling go down, but more than that, i pray i do not react to it.

 

Anyone here take antibs in early wd??? couyld do with a little reassurance, it is the very first med iv had to take since being free of the evil poison that is paxil.

[angie007]

Dear All,

 

Well its my 2nd day on amoxycillin, and the swelling from the abcess has gone down loads, also the pain level is so much better than a couple of days ago.

But have been having some headaches today, feels almost like someone put an axe through the top of my head, with the shakes, now i cant totally state that is down to the abs,

as i was ok yesterday on it, but have once again had some very heavy marital stresses, which resulted in no sleep last night and a very tense day for me today.

 

Either way im sure the next few days will see the back of it, no matter what caused it -hopefully xx

[Altostrata]

That's the spirit, ang! Keep calm and carry on!

[Nadia]

Hi Angie... glad to hear you are generally doing better, and I hope your antibiotic use goes smoothly! I think reactions to meds can be so variable, there is no use worrying about it if someone else has had a bad reaction. It seems like you're going to be fine on it. Also, good job of being assertive, especially when you were feeling so vulnerable!

[Barbarannamated]

This is cause for "Going Pharmacy" which I've done a few times over Work Comp scripts getting screwed up multiple times and necessitating several trips to pharmacy usually in severe pain •

 

I hope you got the name of the good doc and take her advice ~we NEED to be reporting these incidents if only on consumer websites like HealthGrades

Just curious ~what kind of reaction did you have on clarithromycin (tweaked erythromycin)~GI upset and metallic taste are common in healthy subjects

[InNeedOfHope]

What is it with doctors and not listening? Perhaps instead of studying for all those exams, they should have more emphasis on LISTENING to the patient as part of their training. It is good of you to keep coming back updating as you get further and further away from the medicine. If only more people would do that in terms of giving hope to others and information too in terms of sensitivity to medicines. Glad your infection seems to be responding! Hope the other pain settles soon.

[angie007]

Hi Guys,

 

Well im back again, Can anyone tell me wether its " normal" in wd, im 8.5months off paxil to develop low mood/depressive periods with tearyness???????

The last couple of weeks on and off havent been good in terms of mood, and many times *i think* i maybe need to go back on, much as it pains me to admit it, its the last thing i ever want to do.

 

The other thing that bothers me is, sleep???? i seem to have dreamless sleep?? does that mean i am not getting restorative sleep??

Is this also common in wd?? havent heard anyone else mention this.

 

On the upside, apart from the back of head/neck pain, the anxiety seems to have taken on a whole new flavour -in that its a whole lot less intense, and very often now i hardly recognise it,

im getting out and going places and doing things i thought were impossible only a few months ago, i do what i can now, irrespective of how i feel, just struggling a bit with the

depressive low mood, so unlike me to be honest - but still glad to be shut of the poison just the same.

 

If its " normal" i will deal with it, just come and reassure me please.

[Altostrata]

Dreamless sleep is good! It means you're not waking up in the middle of dreams, you're completing them.

 

Teariness could be a withdrawal symptom. It's the same, ang, you have to wait out the waves.

 

Good to hear the anxiety has lessened so much. It was such a beast. You're doing great, ang.

[Barbarannamated]

Angie ~

I hit a wall of depression around Christmas that has gotten MUCH worse --not sure how far out I am from Pristiq but roughly 7-8 months •

Like you my anxiety is mostly gone •

Started Prometrium progesterone (plus estrogen patch) for autoimmune ovarian failure and the Prometrium sent me into an extreme depressive state very like my worst depression

I also had vivid bad dreams which had not returned for me (except on occasion)~ I had never heard about completing dreams and not waking up as Alto mentioned ~ very interesting ~

Q: do we have dreams if we don't remember them ~ I've never pondered that --just thought I wasnt dreaming all these years