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gato98 Help. Suicidal thoughts never had before


gato98

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Hi. I think I did a extreme taper. From 40mg to 0mg in 3 months. It has been a week since my last dose and Feeling suicidal thoughts. Want my husband and children to go away and leave me alone. Manic episodes. Crying spells.......anyway, just razor cut a pill and took 5 mg. I really thought that I was going slowly at 3 month withdrawel. Are extreme suicidal thoughts common with withdrawel?

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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Also.....went on this crazy driving and crying episode today. No idea where I was going or why. Just wanted to be away from EVERYONE. I was gone for 8 hours apparently. My husband was ready to call the police.

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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Hello gato98, AD withdrawal makes us do things we would have never done previously. I'm happy to see you reinstated some of your meds. Crying jags and suicidal thoughts are a part of withdrawal. One of our moderaters should be by soon and can give you better advice, but rest assured, what you are going through is due to withdrawal!

Celexa 40mg from 2004-Oct. 2012. Had to stop cold turkey due to Serotonin Syndrome. Tried to reinstate 3 weeks after ct, but had an allergic reaction to it.

 

Amitriptyline 25 mg from 11/07/12-11/30/12. Stopped due to inability to stay awake and made anxiety worse.

 

Lexapro started at 5mg and slowly increased to 15mg Dec. 8 2012-Feb. 15th 2013. Had to stop cold turkey due to Serotonin Toxicity.

 

Lamictal 5mg 3/2/13 to try to stabilize my nerves. Seems to be helping with the brain zaps, emotional rollercoaster, and DP/DR.

 

Find a reason to smile everyday :-)

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Hi. I think I did a extreme taper. From 40mg to 0mg in 3 months. It has been a week since my last dose and Feeling suicidal thoughts. Want my husband and children to go away and leave me alone. Manic episodes. Crying spells.......anyway, just razor cut a pill and took 5 mg. I really thought that I was going slowly at 3 month withdrawel. Are extreme suicidal thoughts common with withdrawel?

 

Hi Gato,

 

Welcome. Can you please post your drug history so that people are in a better position to help you?

 

Yup, suicidal ideation sadly is a common symptom of a too quick withdrawal. It isn't you.

 

What you might want to do is reinstate your dose which people will be better able to advise you on regarding how much once they see your drug history. Meanwhile, this blog entry on the Mad In America Site regarding suicidal feelings might be helpful.

 

http://www.madinamerica.com/2013/04/time-for-a-new-understanding-of-suicidal-feelings/

Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010
Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006
Finished taper on June 10, 2010

Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016

Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week

April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia

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Unfortunately, It can be a symptom of going on and going off antidepressants. I experienced it myself and it's really scary.

 

Hang in there.

Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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  • Administrator

Welcome, gato.

 

Hold on, it will get better. This definitely sounds like severe withdrawal.

 

What drug are you taking?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Agree to all that's been said above.

 

Additionally, I drove and drove for hours every day during earlier withdrawal after too fast taper. I eventually took off and drove across the entire USA, California to Maryland, unplanned, by myself. I've always liked to drive and it is my way to relax, but became extreme at that time (hypomania plus akathisia). It was a good experience in retrospect. I didn't have any obligations or commitments that I left behind.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Hello Everyone. Thank you so much for the quick reply. Here is my history.

 

After suffering severe anxiety and depression due to a brain tumor, my neurologist recommended Celexa. It has also been known to help with the severe head pain. I was put on 40 mg. This was in 2000. All I can say is WOW. Pain was gone within 1 week. I never had another anxiety attack, and slowly, over the course of 7 years, I made it through rehab and recovered. Not sure how much the AD helped with that. Downside. 60 pounds of weight. I got fat. Hard to say how much of that was tumor, but I tend to think it is mostly the Celexa. So fast forward to 4 months ago. The motivation for getting off was mainly the inability to take off the weight. Believe me, I have tried everything. I was never overweight prior to the drug. The other reason was: I asked myself, why am I still taking this drug when I no longer am recovering? So here we are.

 

Withdrawel: January: 30 mg, February: 20mg March: 10mg, April: Dicking around with 10- 0mg. After my fiasco yesterday, I took 5mg. I cut the 40mg pill with a razor blade along with 30 others. I honestly thought that I was going slow with a 4 month taper, until I found this website. I just want to thank you all in advance for the help. You are very much appreciated.

 

Today, I am feeling a little more in control and "here". If I could say one word regarding my withdrawel so far, it would be MANIC. I have organized and cleaned and painted most of my house and my house is not small. Yesterday was the first "depressed/suicidal" day I have had. Of course it was "in addition" to the mania. It was a really, really bad day. I told my whole family that I "hated them, and wanted them to just go away". This is without a doubt uncharacteristic of me and not something I would ever say to my family. As for yesterday's craziness, that cannot happen again. It really scared me.

 

I would be very grateful for any advice/knowledge you all may have.

 

Again, Thank you so much.

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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Side note. I slept for 12 hours. That seemed to have made a big difference.

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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  • Administrator

Sleep is good, gato.

 

If 5mg works to stabilize your nervous system, you may wish to stay on it for a month or more, then very, very carefully taper off.

 

Here's a topic on tapering Celexa http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2023-tips-for-tapering-off-celexa-citalopram/

 

It comes in a liquid, if you can get it, that would be much more convenient than estimating 5mg cuts in tablets. Or, you can make your own liquid.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hang in there, I also experienced these thoughts! Your taper was definitely too fast. I am just now getting used to my reinstatement. After my body gets stabilized, I'll then begin a very long, slow taper. You've come to the right place: there are many people who will help you. It has been a great comfort to me!

We are going to check up on you now every day!!!!!

Keep fighting the good fight, sister!!

 

-Tim :D

10 mg daily Fluoxetine/Prozac Jan. 2009-Nov. 2012

Went COLD TURKEY Nov. 2012-March 2013

.05-1 mg daily Lorazepam March 2013-April 2013

After approximately 21 days, stopped COLD TURKEY

Doctor put me on 20 mg daily Fluoxetine/Prozac as of 4/25/13

I decided to jump down to 10 mg daily Fluoxetine/Prozac as of 5/08/13

Will stay here for a few months, then taper to ZERO!!

 

 

I am not a medical practitioner, any advice I give comes from my own experience and research and is only my perspective

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Thank you all. So kind. I will continue on this 5mg. regime for a few more days and report how I am doing. <_<

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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To inject a bit of humor: I will fondly remember yesterday as "The day I drove myself crazy"

 

"

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Humour is good gato!

 

It sounds like you're starting to stabilize.

 

I just wanted to stop by and welcome you to the forum.

 

How are you doing today?

July 2001 prescribed 20mg citalopram for depression;
On and off meds from 2003-2006.
February 2006 back on 20mg citalopram and stayed on it until my last attempt at tapering in September 2011.
By far the worst withdrawal symptoms ever. Reinstated to 20mg citalopram
October 2012 - found this forum!
Nov 2012 to Feb 2013 did 10% taper, got doen to 11mg - was going great until stressful situation. Cortisol levels hit the roof, hideous insomnia forced me to updose to 20mg.
March 2016 - close to 100% back to normal!



****** I am not a medical practitioner, any advice I give comes from my own experience or reading and is only my perspective ******

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Hi Basildev. I am MUCH better today. Much. I think I had some kind of psychotic break yesterday. I am on 5mg again today. Thank you for asking..... :rolleyes:

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Very glad to hear it:)

July 2001 prescribed 20mg citalopram for depression;
On and off meds from 2003-2006.
February 2006 back on 20mg citalopram and stayed on it until my last attempt at tapering in September 2011.
By far the worst withdrawal symptoms ever. Reinstated to 20mg citalopram
October 2012 - found this forum!
Nov 2012 to Feb 2013 did 10% taper, got doen to 11mg - was going great until stressful situation. Cortisol levels hit the roof, hideous insomnia forced me to updose to 20mg.
March 2016 - close to 100% back to normal!



****** I am not a medical practitioner, any advice I give comes from my own experience or reading and is only my perspective ******

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I've been there with the suicidal thing and it's really scary. Came very close. I would highly highly recommend staying on the 5 mg (or whatever is the smallest dose that helps you stabilize) until you're feeling really stable and pretty normal even if that takes many months, then taper off at no more than 10% at a time. Be careful!

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Basildev. I am MUCH better today. Much. I think I had some kind of psychotic break yesterday. I am on 5mg again today. Thank you for asking..... :rolleyes:

 

That wasn't a psychotic break, that was withdrawal. Please don't label yourself like that. It's all too easy to blame ourselves for the hell of withdrawal so please keep in mind that most of the awful things we feel and do after quitting an antidepressant or benzo is due to the DRUG, not us.

 

When you have a minute, please add your drug history to your signature, like so:

 

How To Add Your Drug History To Your Signature

 

It's difficult to offer advice without the complete picture.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Hi Goldstar!

 

How is this? Is this enough info. on my signature? Do I need to add anything. Thanks

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Very good, and thanks. I wasn't sure if you'd taken other psychiatric drugs along with the Celexa as is so often the case. The fact that you've only been on the one drug and that this is your first time tapering off may make your withdrawal less harsh, although I can't make any promises.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Hi Jemima. How funny. I thought your name was Gold Star. Oops.

 

Thanks for the encouragement and support. I am doing much better today. When I say better, I mean the same withdrawel symptoms I have had all along and not the severe CRAZY stuff. So I guess I can say I am stable. It makes sense that only trying to get off one drug would be allot easier. For all you nice folks who are on benzos or something else, KUDOS to you. I do not know how you do it. Just the AD is enough of a full time job. Peace. M

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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gato I'm pleased to see you stable on 5 mgs of Celexa.I just couldn't get there..You give me hope that it can be done..

C/T Celexa and Trazadone on Jan.29th 2014
Prescribed 1mg of Klonopin every 6 hours on Jan.29th
Began tapering Klonopin April 18th..stretching time between doses...at first one hour for 2 weeks then a half hour for app.10 days then another half hour 10days later.
Presently at .25 three times a day..6 2 and 10pm. Trying to stabilize.
Also still taking gabapentin 300mgs 2xs a day..

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Hi Flower. I am really surprised too. Although I am still not sleeping at night much, I feel much better than I did with zero mg's. You may have read above how I went off the deep end. No more crying, suicidal thoughts, etc. Still not "great", but I will take anything over driving around crying and looking for a final resting place. Now I am trying to figure out how I am going to go down from here. It was not that difficult cutting the 40 mg. pill. Now I see that I am going to have to taper 1mg at a time. That is going to be challenging. I am the last person who is qualified to say this to you but "hang in there". I had a very dark day indeed just 5 days ago. We can do it. All of us.

 

Thanks for the support,

 

M

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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  • Administrator

Good to hear you're doing better.

 

After you get good and stable, I strongly advise you to taper by much, much smaller amounts, 10% per month. Please read http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2023-tips-for-tapering-off-celexa-citalopram/

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Gato98:

 

Glad you're checking in daily. We're going to check in on you too! :rolleyes:

 

-Tim

10 mg daily Fluoxetine/Prozac Jan. 2009-Nov. 2012

Went COLD TURKEY Nov. 2012-March 2013

.05-1 mg daily Lorazepam March 2013-April 2013

After approximately 21 days, stopped COLD TURKEY

Doctor put me on 20 mg daily Fluoxetine/Prozac as of 4/25/13

I decided to jump down to 10 mg daily Fluoxetine/Prozac as of 5/08/13

Will stay here for a few months, then taper to ZERO!!

 

 

I am not a medical practitioner, any advice I give comes from my own experience and research and is only my perspective

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Thanks guys. I had a really great day today. Very energetic. Not sure how much of it was the beautiful 72 degree day after a non existent spring. Thanks again for all the support everyone.

 

Michelle

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Great to hear that you're feeling more stable Michelle! This is a good time to practice patience and hold on for a while to make sure the stability is pretty solid (not just a quick window in other words) before restarting your taper. Also gives you time to learn everything you need to and gather whatever supplies you need for the taper. And to enjoy that 72 degree springtime!

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Update:  Hi all. Hope every little thing is allright.  I wanted to give you all an update regarding my taper. It is official. I have been completely off my Celexa for 2 weeks. After my last post, I stayed on the 5mg for a very short time, maybe a week.

 

 I felt ready to go drop my dose really quickly. Down to 2.5mg for a week with not a single symptom. Next week off. Done. I think, for me, once I got past the drop to 5 mg, it really made no difference to my body anymore. It was the jump from 10 mg to zero that killed me. That was not a good plan. Once I went back to a decrease, I was fine. 

 

Now for the not so good.  I am realizing that I was not really feeling the emotions like fear, frustration, anger etc. Perpetually neutral. I am no longer going through a withdrawel. Now, I think and adjustment to dealing with emotions again.  One not so good thing. Suddenly I cannot stand ALLOT of things about my husband. Guess some of the marriage stuff was getting glossed over. He is probably thinking: "Oh ****, she's back"......LOL

 

Anyway, all in all the process is tough. Beginning to end. If there is an end. I feel as if I am having to learn to cope with life differently.

 

You all have been on my mind. I want to extend a deep gratitude to you all. You have helped me through a tough time.

 

Gato

Started Celexa in 2000 after a brain tumor surgery/treatment.

Was given the advice that it would help with head pain and the depression (situational from tumor)

2000-2013 40 mg. Celexa

Feb 2013: 30 mg

Mar 2013: 20 mg

April 2013: 10mg

April 30, 2013: Completely off Celexa

May 3, 2013: Severe Reaction/withdrawel symtoms, found this site

May 3, 2013: Back on 5mg. Celexa. Stable

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  • 7 years later...
  • Administrator

Hello, @gato98, how are you doing?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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