Laurvic: Is this still withdrawal?

[laurvic]

Could really use some advice.

[Meimeiquest]

I think what you are describing is called depersonalization and derealization--you and your surroundings don't feel real. They are abbreviated DP/DR, and, although they haven't happened to me yet, are mentioned as common symptoms of withdrawal.

 

WD unfortunately is not limited to getting the drug out of your system. The ADs abnormally raise neurotransmitter levels (and probably indirectly lower others). Your brain decreases the sensitivity and/or presence of neuroreceptors so your brain can still work. When the drug is withdrawn, the neuroreceptors have to reinvent themselves...until then, they are reeling. If you search the articles forum, one doctor thinks some people have genetic differences that affect how quickly one of the subtypes of serotonin receptors can recover. But who knows for sure? Difficult as it is, many people have ultimately found the withdrawal process transformational. Can't say that .i'm there yet.

 

We look forward to hearing more of your story!

[laurvic]

Last week was unbelievably rough. I'm not sure I can do that again. Felt like i needed to be committed. I'm trying so hard to keep myself together in front of my kids. I see them and I want to cry...I don't understand it. I hate the overactive thinking. I can't stop it. The obsessively googling how I'm feeling. It has only been about a month and a half. I don't include the 4 day reinstatement because that was an epic failure. I hate the disconnect. I majored in PR and now I barely want to be around people. This is sick. I'm worrying about everything. Today is strange BC my mind is racing but my heart isn't even though the thoughts bother me. What is that about? Thinking about going through this long term is terrifying. No benzo use at all today.

[Meimeiquest]

I'm sorry, I didn't realize the full context of your questions. It looks like you have to choose between reinstatement or just carrying on...only you can make that choice. The truth is, you'll make it through either way....and you will have times when you think you won't make it either way. I have kids too...the hardest part. I can take almost anything lying on the couch (famous last words?) but kids can't just be put on hold. And I have been so mean to them sometimes.

[laurvic]

Reinstating lexapro isn't an option BC it is way too overstimulating. Feel lost.

[Meimeiquest]

I am not advising you at all, but I have become manic on two antidepressants....definitely overstimulated. But dose-cutting helped both times. I am finally able to "hold" on 1/6 of a regular dose of Wellbutrin. And that is without having stopped it. For you, the dose would be lower. How much did you try? Do you still have some? You will be ok either way, but if you can get just a bit to regroup with, it will be easier in the short term.

[Meimeiquest]

Someone who sounded a lot like you started to settle down when she stopped ALL benzos. Often in withdrawal from another drug, you are more sensitive and are having benzo withdrawal without knowing it. That would be one tactic to try. Or you could try just 1mg of Lexapro. You are still on the Trileptal? I would suggest making a plan and then timplementing it without looking back. Good luck!

[laurvic]

I wholeheartedly appreciate the reinstating advice but after what I went through especially after reinstatement last week is not something I wish to revisit. I guess I'm just looking for normalcy and reassurance. I have so many questions that can't be answered its upsetting. Is it normal to think something that bothers you but not physically be bothered....is that a breakthrough?

[Meimeiquest]

I think a disconnect either direction (physical/mental) is normal. I have only been on this site since Jan., but your symptoms and how desperate you feel sound very, very typical off a young mom in withdrawal. It reminds me of the transition phase of childbirth....you just need some support to get settled into the process of birthing the drug-free you. The rest won't be easy, but this panicky state is the worst.

[Meimeiquest]

Okay, this and I'm done. In the list of today's topics is a topic labeled protest. Follow the link Alto placed and watch her talk about the risks of coming off ADs too fast. And then you have completed your complete "informed consent." . Pulling for you!

[laurvic]

Please don't be done. Your words are helpful. Not many people have been posting here.

[laurvic]

Can't find protest.

[laurvic]

Got it. Thanks.

[Meimeiquest]

Well, the reason I "pass" on saying things is that I don't know what to say......we are the ones even psychiatrists don't know what to do about! You are in a tough place. But it will get better:)

[laurvic]

Like I said last week and the weekend were awful. I'm hoping that was the worst of it but its too early to tell I guess. I wish I knew how long this was going to last because then I could really hold on to hope. I'm 32 so I'm hoping age is on my side and the fact that I am otherwise healthy. School ends in a month and I don't want to feel this way for summer vacation. I'm trying to stay positive but when the negative thoughts take hold holy moly. I can't keep looking back and wishing I never took lexapro but its hard. I want to enjoy my family...my kids are 8, 6 almost 7, and 2. I wish there was a way to speed up the process here for their sake. They need a healthy mommy. This has to be hands down one of the hardest things to go through. I know I'm not alone but for whatever reason I struggle at times to take solice in that. 8.5 years on lexapro and obviously too fast in coming off. Its done. I hate fearing the unknown.

[laurvic]

Sorry for the double post. My phone froze.

[laurvic]

I could really use more reassurance. Kind of feel like I posted more than anything. I appreciate all the advice but can people keep posting on here. Not to be needy but I feel needy right now. Sorry so annoying!

[Altostrata]

Laurvic, you've made a lot of changes in your drugs. Your nervous system will take time to settle down.

 

We can't tell you what will work for you. It may be reinstatement of Lexapro is not for you.

 

Whatever other changes you make, be very gradual and regular. Hang in there and treat your nervous system gently.

 

(It would help a lot if you put your withdrawal history in your signature, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/ )

[Meimeiquest]

You're right that things can get better or worse, but what you can do is learn from each hard time how to handle bad times better both for you and your family. Some examples from our house: Easter was a horror....but my husband finally got it that I just cannot handle having guests over for meals. At my most anxious, my husband would put everyone in the car and drive us around in the country. It comforted me to have my peeps with me, to get out of the house, and to know I didn't have to talk to anyone else. A cup of herbal tea can also be very calming. It has become too upsetting for me to go to my pdoc that wrote all the scripts. Being outside is good medicine for me.

 

Those things won't fix your problems, but I would encourage you to stay alert to the little things that help you make it through another wave.

[laurvic]

I'm trying.

[Meimeiquest]

And you're succeeding! Almost halfway through another day .

[SaltedGingkoNuts]

And you're succeeding! Almost halfway through another day .

 

 

To those who don't understand, or who have not experienced AD's and AD withdrawal:

 

Making it through half of a day is GLORIOUS!!!! Take comfort in that!!

 

It will lead to a FULL day of normalcy, followed by DAYS of normalcy, etc.

 

You can do it!

 

 

-Salted

[laurvic]

I honestly don't know how many more days of this I can take. Wish I had a timeline.

[laurvic]

Add chest pain to the mix. This is horrific. You guys are a lot stronger than me.

[Meimeiquest]

Are you taking care of all 4 kiddos full-time?

 

Is it bearing the symptoms that feels overwhelming or bearing the symptoms while keeping up with everything else?

[areyouthere]

laurvic,

 

How are you doing?

[dunerbug]

I just wanted to chime in and you are not alone.

 

I suffer from ocd and intrusive thoughts very bad while in withdrawal. Although, I have had a history with that kind of anxiety since before ever taking antidepressants.

 

I'm just over 14 months off my med. Withdrawal has been absolute hell.

 

I also have 3 kids, so I can relate.

 

You can do this! Rest whenever you can. 

 

No one can tell you how long this will last. You have to take it one day at a time.

 

Though I still suffer, I have frequent windows now and can tell my system is getting stronger.

 

If you would have asked 8-9 months ago I thought.......well, let's just say it was a dark time for me. I spent several months in bedridden. 

 

So please hold on and treat yourself kindly.... you can't rush this kind of healing.

[dunerbug]

Are you taking care of all 4 kiddos full-time?Is it bearing the symptoms that feels overwhelming or bearing the symptoms while keeping up with everything else?

 

This is an important question.

 

This is a time in your life where you might have to cut back drastically.

 

I made sure and was very open to my family that I'm sick and can't do a lot right now. 

[dunerbug]

Add chest pain to the mix. This is horrific. You guys are a lot stronger than me.

 

This is not true. People here have experienced horrific symptoms. 

 

Me included. 

 

You are strong too.

[laurvic]

So I stupidly started the generic Zoloft almost 3 weeks ago because fear got the best of me. I want off. I'm ready for whatever will be because I have already seen hell. I got weak and regret it. How do I safely come off 100mg? I've only been on that dose for a little over a week.

[laurvic]

Started at 50mg.

[laurvic]

I'm sorry alto....you guys gave amazing advice and I got scared.

[Altostrata]

You don't need to apologize to me, Laur. Listen to your body and take care of yourself. Make changes very carefully.

 

Are you feeling better on the Zoloft? How much are you taking now?

[laurvic]

I'm on 100mg going on 2 weeks. I was on 50 for about a week before Dr upped it. No I don't feel better. I thought it would help but I'm still in the same boat. Dr said it takes up to 4 weeks to feel any effect. Very frustrated!

[laurvic]

Lost over 20 lbs..can't sleep...feel distant. Doing the best I can but I'm so tired.

[laurvic]

I have never felt this awful in my life. Stopping the lexapro sent something into motion that is beyond me.