Jump to content
dewayne76

Dewaynes Spouse Story

Recommended Posts

dewayne76

Ohh, just one of many stories out there from people who THOUGHT antidepressants were 'making them see things clearly' and ended up being NOT TRUE.
 

Feb 2010, Nikki (Naples, FL), Self, Effexor:“With in a month of being on XR 75mg, I had DESTROYED my 2 and a half year relationship with my ex. It is only now, 3 years later, that I am weaning off the drug and looking back at all the relationships I ruined while I was taking it. I went through 3 boyfriends and 2 roommates in a 3 year period. And I can't tell you how many friendships on top of that that I ended because I thought effexor was making me "see things clearly".

Share this post


Link to post
johnson

So what are you hoping for then? For everything to go back to normal like the way it used to be.

Or do you want to move on?

Share this post


Link to post
dewayne76

I've been trying to move on. I know it'll be full of work if she did 'wake up' etc, but I can't really move on. I think no matter how hard I try to 'move on' deep down, something keeps bringing me back to hoping for her to snap out of it. My daughter wants it, I want it. She's not the same person and I've seen many stories of folks who have been down that dark road and come back. 

 

I guess that's it, I just can't move on. FORWARD, sure, but not move on. I made vows to love that woman through sick and health, I know she's sick from the meds.... but I can't be there for her. She treats me like she hates my guts and I've done nothing to deserve all this. :(

Share this post


Link to post
johnson

good luck. I hope everything works out for you and all of us.

Share this post


Link to post
dewayne76

Thanks. I was speaking with my mother again recently and she said that she too believes the ex is off, for the simple fact of how crudely she's telling us other things, if she was going to be this brutally honest and telling us all these other details and not care at all how we feel, we think she'd also be saying something like 'well I didn't quit and there's nothing you can do about it'. 

 

She literally acts like our Divorce cut all ties. She really acts like I should have no care, or no say in our daughter's life as long as she's with her mother. She said "We're divorced, you can worry and concern yourself with her when you have her. 50/50 remember?"   This woman is a lunatic now. :(

 

my daughter was front and center of a great photo for our local newspaper for a trikathon they had. I had to miss it, because of money, fuel and truck being broken. I didn't know about the picture in the paper, until a week later. Now I"m left struggling trying to find a copy for myself to keep. SHE didn't tell me either, I had to find out by accident. :/

 

I KNOW the drugs changed her. This is NOT the woman I loved and married. I KNOW our relationship was great pre-meds and I know that I believe she's off and all I should have to do is wait, but it's so dam hard.There's a few more stories that's been popping up. Another person woke up while they were still on the meds and realized they have been living in a fog the whole time while on the drugs and can't believe the mahem they caused. Now divorced too, they wish they could fix everything.

 

Once I get the job the lined out and vehicle situation taken care of, I'm going to find another church. Hopefully I can at least find some more support there that will understand my situation and depression etc. 

Thanks for posting with me

Dewayne and yes, Good luck to all of us. 

Share this post


Link to post
Ramsnic

I'm so sorry for you.

I was like your wife. I broke my family and made horrendous decisions.

I recently got off the drug for a few days and the reality hit me hard.

I'm in a state of shock. I can't believe I would have hurt the man I loved and my children in such a way. That I would, without feeling walk away.

It's taken 7 years to get off it and unfortunately due to the side effects I've had to start taking 10mg to cope again.

But for the first time I have reality. I'm now in control of my thoughts and emotions.

My husband (now X husband) has moved on.

I spoke with him when I woke from this drugged state and he said he always knew but the doctor wouldn't listen and eventually he had to give up for his own sanity. We both cried and he went back to his new life.

I felt slightly frustrated that he didn't try harder to get me off it but I also have to accept I wasn't easy to talk to and probably wouldn't have listened. Although I don't know and I wish to god he had tried harder.

I don't know if I can live with the guilt and the loss now. I feel I'm grieving a life taken from me and for the pain I caused my family.

 

I don't know if I would have listened but I will always wish he'd tried harder. He could havd Printed off stories from sites like this and videos on YouTube which outline these drugs are given to shoulders to numb their emotions so they can cope while killing people. There's lots of evidence on the Internet. I wish he'd put a pack of info together and left it at my house. On a low mood I may have looked at it. I just may have listened.

 

I hope you get there or put yourself first and move on. I know how hard it must be.

 

The devastation she will wake up to will kill her, if she ever stops the medication. I pray she wakes up soon from this drugged state. Before it's too late. God bless xx

Share this post


Link to post
dewayne76

Ramsnic, I got an email from a friend who noticed my thread here. Said there was a new person here and I should read up. I read your thread and like so many others, your story resonates with me and mine. 

Since this is my thread I suppose I'll update a bit. The Dr. told my ex that she either had to quit her job as a Hotel Manager or get back on the antidepressants. I honestly felt like it was a ruse / excuse to get back to saying that she was on the meds> ie: I'm not entirely sure she EVER got off of them. Taking them sporadically? Yeah, I can guess that. My ex has become a 180* turn around from an honest, caring person who was strong willed into a psychopathic "loser" that gives up on everything, steals, etc. Complete opposite. Don't take my insult (loser) to her light heartedly, she literally is a screwball now. Like, her #1 priority in the world, our daughter has taken a 3rd row back seat to everything else. I just dropped her off at their house (trailer) tonight for the first time. .. . there were absolutely ZERO signs that a 5yo girl lives there... 

Update on ex: My room mate and possible future girlfriend prospect lol, have noticed that the ex is staying quite a bit longer than usual lately whether it's dropping off or picking up our daughter. She has dropped off our daughter before, started conversations and in this one instance, the conversation was done and we both (roommate and i) were like "Umm.. ok, you can go now..." didn't say it but were both thinking it. 

She also now is much more friendly and even brought up things recently that she knew, like she asked if I had any of our old ornaments for the christmas tree etc.. I said "Um, no. I didn't have room, you know cus I was living in the truck and you said you didn't have time for it because all that you cared about was your new friends, partying, hanging out etc..."   She looked down and nodded, saying "some of those my mother gave me" (her mother died a long time ago) I told her "you gave me no choice..." She is JUST NOW realizing what had happened with the ornaments. 

The other day, we were at my mother's house and she dropped daughter off over there. For the first time since all this happened 2 years ago, she asked my mom for a hug and told her she loved her. My mother is aware of the drug situation and has seen first hand the severe changes in the ex. It (the hug etc) blew my mom away. 

My roommate said to me tonight she can see things that she doesn't think I see, and that would be the ex's feelings for me are starting to surface. I told her I thought she was wrong but I guess I can see how she gets it. Last but not least, just a week or so ago now I had asked the ex if she was still on the meds and she said she had quit... said the dr. pulled her off in 6 weeks.  Said she was completely off of them now and have no side effects. I think she could still be lying but we'll see. 

To answer a very old question here, I have been trying to move on and yes, that's what I'd like to do, move on. When I feel I am strong enough, with enough of this behind me that I feel I can be fair to someone, I may start dating my roommate. But for now we're just friends waiting for more healing on my end. 

Sorry for the essay fellas, I broke it up to make it easier reading. 

Hope everyone is doing well and will have a great holiday season this year. 

Dewayne

Share this post


Link to post
Ramsnic

It sounds like she's off the drugs but not realised it was them yet. Show her the links above.

I'm worried that she was taken off them so quick.

At the moment she may be wondering why it's all happened. It wasn't until I read the above ^^ links that I realised it was the drugs.

I feel so sorry for you all but I feel sorrier for her.

Her life was raped from her. She had lost everything and everyone she loved.

When she realised it was the drugs it will got her very hard. I have contemplated suicide 2 times. I wake it a panic with flashbacks if my actions.

I see my now X husband living with another woman. Christmas is the hardest. This is when we should be a family.

I'm sorry for your pain. I hope you can forgive her at it wasn't her. It was the drugs.

I pray she realises and never takes them again.

 

God bless you and your family.

Share this post


Link to post
dewayne76

Thank you. I've been to the SSRIstories page but haven't visited your links yet. 

I showed her the findings. Timeline: Her first pill (for chest pains) was June 17. Sept her mood changed. Oct. she was lying, cheating, stealing money from business etc. Oct. 31, Halloween, our anniversary, she paid the divorce lawyer the retainer. Nov. 3 I was moved out. Jan of the next year, 2013, I found the sites. Took me a bit to realize that I was living the same story, but then showed her. She was at her worst at this point and shrugged it off. Later on, she admitted to the drugs changing her, but kept telling, screaming that it's what she wanted and she loved the new her. 

She's been shown, she knew / knows the drugs have this affect. IF she is indeed off of the drugs, then it could explain her behaving BETTER, I mean, at least not so cold hearted etc. I believe you're right, I believe she'll 'wake up' one day and realize etc, but it's too late. There's too much that's been done... but I will definitely try my hardest to forgive her. But only then, because right now, I see her as the beast that destroyed my family and putting my daughter through so much pain. 

Thank you for your kind words and I pray your life continues to get better. 

Share this post


Link to post
btdt

Dwayne I looked at the that link and found one of my old posts I am going to fix here hope you don't mind... I think it was the old site you were on and looked for you posts there to but did not find any ... so many old friends there I wonder how they all are. 

I wonder too if your wife is finally off the meds ... seems so long I wonder if she has remained on them all this time and they are starting to not work too.  Interesting life isn't it?

Glad you have a new place to live where your daughter can visit wishing you a Merry Christmas and peace. B

http://ssristories.drugawareness.org/archive/indexb6a1.html

 

I am not sure who made this page but I did see my post there (taken from another withdrawal site) was unreadable there tho it is a bit better once copied here I have tried to fix it if you know who made it you can tell them it is here if you want it. 

 

If she stays off the drugs she will heal in spite of herself and in spite of admitting the drugs had any part in her choices. I would not be surprised to see this early on but she may take a look once she is down the road some and see it differently. For some reason people are strongly resistant to thinking a drug could affect them so strongly. Nobody wants to believe we have been controlled so well by a drug it messes with who we are as human being and our free will which we have been lead to believe is a human right innately out of reach of manipulation. Sadly this is exactly my experience with these drugs. There is some part of me yet that wants to believe it is not possible even tho I know better... I don't want it to be true. Even tho the evidence it clear in illegal as well as legal drugs we all resist it. Those of us changed the most even seem to resist the idea the most. Sadly even when we crash and burn we want to still believe it was our own doing. Pride? Sense of self? I can't quite figure out what the bases of the resistance is but I do know it is strong... almost life or death. Ego maybe tho I don't understand the term that well. At the end of the day it is a big hurdle to get beyond but once it is crossed there is a new respect for everything human.... for the parts of us that are suppose to be sacred ground but aren't. A new fear too of where we are headed as a species. Some have known this for eons the ones that pull the string the rest of us have never been to the table on this issue as we were basically unaware not affected in huge numbers(illegal drug addicts were a minority but that is changing now)... now that these legal variety of this type of drugs is playing such a huge roll in the development of our world.

 

I wonder how long it will take for this issue to come to the table of the general population. The 2004 hearing attempted to address some of these issues the suicide in kids from these drugs... that was 30 years after the fact of knowing about it... so maybe in another 30 years this issue will come to the table and be up for discussion.

 

In one of the books I read Breggin Healy not sure which they talked about the 30 year timeline of a drug being on the market for the truth to become known. It is called after market research. Docotors are paid to put people on these drugs and report back.. and no they don't tell you they are doing this and making extra money of the report they make.

But when a drug changes your consciousness to the level these ones do that your unaware of a change... or an effect... how long does that take to get to the light of day... when the actual people taking the drug are unaware of the effect? Could it be never?

I think it possible for this effect to never get to the light of day and the very sad thing is that condemns How many other people to go thru this. NOW THAT BOTHERS ME. Yet I have no real power to do much about it.

 

When the effect of the drug can go unknown like this and the people taking the drug are resistant to the facts ... healing is so long... if ever... is it possible.. this could go on forever? With the folks like your seeing the difference more than the ones taking the drug is this the avenue that must play a part to bring this to light? maybe the only way

 
 
If she stays off the drugs she will heal in spite of admitting the drug had anyt part in her choices.  I would not be surprised to see this early on but she may take a look once she is down the road some and see it differently. For some reason people are strongly resistant to thinking a drug could affect them so strongly. Nobody wants to believe we have been controlled so well by a drug it messes with who we are as human beings and free will which we have been lead to believe is a human right out of the reach of manipulation.  Sadly this is exactly my experience with these drugs.  There is some part of me yet that wants to believe it is not possible even though I know better. I don't want it to be true. Even tho the evidence is clear with illegal as well as legal drugs all of us resist it.  Those of us changed the most seem to resist this idea the most. Sadly even when we crash and burn we still want to believe it was our own doing.  Pride?  Sense of self?  I can't quite figure out what this resistance is but I do know it is strong almost life or death. Ego maybe tho I don't understand the term that well. it is a huge hurdle to get over but once it is crossed there is a new huge respect for everything human...for the parts of us that are suppose to be sacred ground but aren't. A new fear to of where we are headed as a species.  Some have known this for eons the ones who pull the strings the rest of us were largely unaware unaffected in large numbers till now.  (illegal drugs addicts knew but were a minority)  Being unaware we  have never been to the table on this issue perhaps our day is now here.  
The hearing in 2004 tried to address some of the issues with these drugs childhood suicide that came to be after 30 years of the string pullers knowing... that is a generation. Maybe in another 30 years we will get another swing at bat.  
skipping a bit...
When a drug changes the users consciousness to the level that these drugs do ...to the level that the user is not aware they are changed how long would that take to be known and seen by those is power... or anyone?  Perhaps never. I think it quit possible for the truth of this to never come to the light of day to the extent of being any use to people before they take them... what use is it after... what would anyone who has lived thru this already want... to never have taken the drug that is what they want.  We can't get heard... and that means other will have to live through what we have and that bothers me. 
 
 Kids are being prescribed these drugs right now while I type this despite the 2004 hearings and black box warnings. To get  this affect known by the general population will take some effort... to have it believe perhaps a miracle.  
 
When the effects the drugs can go unknown like this ...  are changing  the users and  make them unaware of the affects ... and they users are resistant to the facts ...healing is so long and painful... if ever....it is possible this could go on forever. With people like significant others seeing and being aware of how people are changed they may be as important or more important to bringing awareness about the personality changes to light. 

Share this post


Link to post
dewayne76

Update on myself. 

Christmas went well. Jobear (daughter, 5 now) had a great time. Things didn't go as planned and I didn't get her that cool ass black and green power wheels jeep, but hey, it's freaking winter time anyways, right? lol. She got a TON of what she asked for... play food and kitchen gear. She got some wicked cool electric kitchen gear like blenders and mixers, all with moving action and audio fx. She loves it... however she had to leave shortly after opening gifts so she could spend time at the 'other' home. .  she sobbed and wasn't nearly as upset this time as she usually is when it comes time to leave... but that was because (I'm pretty sure) 'momma' mentioned more gifts to get at gramma's house. 

Mom has spoken to me a few times and she still thinks the ex is off the medicine, too much has been said / done to make her think she's still on them. I try to say and act like I don't care, but I really and truly do. I SAW FIRST HAND , the changes that were made when she started the drugs... it's sickening and amazing at the same time. I even watched her change personalities inside of a 5 min. period. Very, very scary. 

Lately, I've been doing better, eating more healthily and doing more exercising / walking... adding steps to my day. Though, depression tries to set in sometimes... late at night, early morning after dreams. Which have increased in quantity and severeness. The other night was a really bad one, I was talking to the ex and she suddenly started bawling and telling me she was so sorry for what she's done... I woke up shaking, in a like paranoid rave... I think it was the Tramadol pain meds I took to help with tooth pain. I am under the influence that it has SSRI properties, but either way the last time I took that medication something similar happened (got paranoid, shaking uncontrollably, couldn't rest / sit still etc) My dreams of the ex are much more common now and higher in degrees, but I also dreamed about my 20 yo girlfriend who was technically engaged (told me single).... and I woke up confused etc. 

I really thought I had won the lottery, with my wife I mean. We got a long so great the last half of our marriage / relationship, we started a family, did it RIGHT! (got married, jobs, then kids)... Never fought, we'd argue and that was enough to make us feel like ****, always apologizing etc, making things up for each other and having fun doing it. Was almost perfect. It's so amazing / shocking to see how a drug that's suppose to help people can absolutely destroy EVERYTHING!

Rant / Vent off. I have no one to talk to about this hardly anymore. Just my mom and I try to stay silent unless she brings something up. I try to stay positive in my life, so that means keeping things to myself.. until I can come here with you nice folks who understand. Thanks for letting me vent off a bit. I hope everyone's doing well so far this new year. 

Share this post


Link to post
cymbaltawithdrawal5600

DW76,

 

I did a quick search but did not find anything. You might consider giving a synopsis of your story in the topic btdt started here:

 

Marriages Destroyed by SSRI SNRI - Topix

 

with a link to your continuing topic in "Relationships".

Share this post


Link to post
dewayne76

Ok. So I'm back for tonight, after another long spell. Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd come here and ... I don't know why honestly. I tried to stay away. 

Life is moving forward. My new businesses have done ok, but we're saving up / building the "big" business which will launch in a few months. 
Mom got cancer again, been fighting that. Moved in with her to help out. So did my roommate / friend. 
Kiddo is doing great. She's going into 1st grade this year. She's 6 now. We now have been divorced longer than together with our kid. 

The ex: Sometimes you can just tell she's being a b!tch that day. Most times she's ok. But, she STILL lingers, almost 99% of the time, she will just stand there, blocking the doorway, nothing to say, seeming to try to make conversation to have an excuse to stay. Well, one day she had a pissy attitude and I blew up on her. Told her "Look, nobody wants you here. Just GO AWAY"  I later apologized, then she took responsibility and said it was all her fault. She has, in the past few months, seemingly found reasons to ask me for help. From making her hand carved gaming 'discs' out of lumber I cut down, to helping her with her computer problems, chatting me up about games etc. Now, here's the wierd kicker. She's this 'all goodie church goer' now, right? For a long time acted like the haunted house projects / business was "the Devil" and stupid. (she was more involved than me at times in 2012, fyi)... she has sent me, not one, not two but 3 or 4 messages, sharing 'horror' things... from cute little cups to flat out, all out HORROR, blood & guts costume of a clown. Was an advert of a clown gathering of haunt actors that happened to go viral on fb. Got to her, she shared it. I'd respond as if we were 'friends' and see how she reacted... no reply. Now, we're not friends on FB, so perhaps she was upset that I didn't friend her? I don't know, but she keeps sending things like that, that she at most points disapprove of, out of the blue, then wont respond when I say "That's funny! Where'd you see that?" 

Kiddo: She has said that "mommy said that, back when you and her were together, that you became mean, and she left you before you got married and fell in love with JXXX"... I had to literally reality check myself.. I couldn't believe it. So I got her on tape explaining this (I have sec. cams always recording now in 3 of 4 rooms I frequent)  So I have it on tape her saying this, and me explaining, showing her the marriage license etc. She looked confused and said "I knew you were married"  Was cute at the end, but... wth man? Who starts this b/s with a young child? So it seems that the ex still finds ways / reasons to lie and try to justify everything she's done, even with our 6yo daughter. 

I've accepted she's never coming back, my friend. She's gone. I miss her every day. It hurts, still, every, dam, day. But, she's lost forever. 
As for me? I try not to trust anyone anymore. When I get down, I'll rewind the tape and realize that there's no point in reminiscing.  

I hope all of you on here are finding peace, in some form or fashion. I'm trying. Hopefully, when we launch our haunted house, we'll do well and things can get back on track. I'll be honest though, once I get another hotrod, I'll probably not make it back here, lol. That's waht I used to self medicate myself with! BUrnouts and 135 mph just as fast as I can get there. 

Share this post


Link to post
brassmonkey

Hi Dewayne-- Thanks for dropping in with the update. It sounds like things are slowly improving over all.  Sorry to hear about your mom, I hope that improves also, it's good you could move in and help out.  So you're going to give the Haunt Venture another go, that's exciting.  We're starting to gear up for this year, we start installation in a few weeks.  Right now it's repair time.

 

Best of luck with it all and stop off between burnouts to let us know how things are going.

 

Brass

Share this post


Link to post
dewayne76

How ya doing BM? I STILL think of Beastie Boys when I read your name. :)  That's nice. Some music I was listening to when I was younger, dumber and pre-marriage / family. It truly is amazing how.... well how we just DO NOT REALIZE how great we have it, until it's decades behind us. 

I guess I should footnote, Depression is still here, it's my bunk-mate. I'm learning to deal with it. Unmedicated. and without 500 horsepower. In fact, today is a bit of a rough day. Jordan went home a day early (yesterday). So now I'll have to wait till Tuesday (open house again for school) and I just wrote BTDT a pm... things are 'ripe' today, so to speak. 

Someone turned me onto Blue October. At the time I had zero knowledge outside of "Hate Me" song. Now, it's "Fear", "Worry List" and "Not broken anymore". It's on my daily tracks. I am now putting together a "morning set" and "evening set" of songs, that helps keep me on track. Justin from Blue October also has "Home" which is a great song as well...  

I'm sure I'll keep coming back, checking up and giving updates. I still look for a day where she comes to me, and apologizes. But, that's only 1% of 'me' that's looking. The rest is trying to concentrate on the here, now, and the future. I have a new great person in my life, and even if we just stay 'friends', I'm ok with that and I need to build on that relationship. 

Take care BM. Hope things are going well for you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Konjo

Mag from Topic here. Similar story here. My ex divorced me in 2014. Last year she married a new guy. I guess that escitalopram made a lasting effect on her brain. She had some windows but not so strong. 

Share this post


Link to post
dewayne76

Yeah, I think more folks than we want to admit seem to have a permanent change. I'm sorry. 

My ex has a few episodes once in a while, where she'll call me up "Where is our / my xxxx?" ANd I"ll say "you left it when you moved out. Do you not remember?"  and her typical reply is "No, I don't remember." 

She called the other day, telling me about how her new "Friend from work" (she JUST started a job, been there 3 or 4 days at time of this call) asked her to go "haunted house hopping" with him. She said "I told him I used to go a lot, but that I didn't have anyone to go with anymore"..... now, for a recap, this is the same girl who after leaving, switched back to full on 'church girl', no make-up, never dresses nice and everything outside of church is 'the devil'.... but here she is again, excited to go haunted house hopping with her new friend. Mind you... she's still married. Does anyone see a pattern here besides me??

Yeah, as I posted once or twice, I built a new haunt this year. Well, guess what? Yeup. She asked "what's the name of yours again?" and proceeded to tell me that her and her new friend will be out sometime to see it. I see the "Ho" coming out again in her. 

OH! Not to mention how she was telling me "This mother stuff is getting to me. I'm not use to this"... I said "Um, you've been a mother for almost 7 years woman...."  She said "Yeah but once they get in school they're not in my hair much"   !!!! YEAH she said that. She is referring to her new son btw. So we'll just see how this will all play out. I had high hopes of her at least staying calm and not reverting back to previous behavior, for my daughter's sake but, time will tell how it goes. So, as it seems, she is in a permanent "bad wiring" state. I fear she will never be her old self again. 

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...