MadMed: please help.. thx :)

[MadMed]

Hello everyone .. I don't know how to use this site yet, or using tags, so I'm just going to jump in..This is a very long post to explain my story. Please excuse me for that..Not sure if it becomes a reference or not, but I hope it helps others somehow, & myself if possible..I will publish my drugs history on another post as it's far to long as a signature lol. I'm also starting a FB page called Medication Madness, after the Dr.Breggin book of the same name (see www.breggin.com I promise it's not a plug) specifically to help others avoid the same nightmare or who are still in it, like me..

 

I'm also thinking of starting an association in France to improve public awareness here about the risks involved with 'meds' as France is the 2nd highest consumer of these drugs in the world.

 

My story started in 1998.. I was 28.. had a son of 3 years, my career was going well, I was a press & advertising photographer etc.My life was good, was happy, no problems, never suffered depressive symptoms ever.I liked consuming a bit of THC at that time, at the end of the day as I didn't like a drink like a lot of people do.The effects were relaxing, & pleasant.. had been taking it on & off for a few years with no problems.One evening I smoked a bit more than usual, went to bed well relaxed, but not for long..

 

That night I suffered a massive panic attack, I didn't understand why, thought I'd had a heart attack.When I arrived at the emergency ward of my local hospital was informed I'd suffered a panic attack.A nurse passed me a little bottle with quite a few pills in, said to take 1 if I needed to.This was the start of the end of my life, though I didn't understand that until years later.Those pills were a short life benzodiazepine, don't know which one.

 

The problem was the panic attack had started a general anxiety state that would have taken a few months to to heal naturally, but I suddenly found myself unable to work..The 'pills' helped a bit for a few hours, but the symptoms got worse after the effects wore off.With in a few days the symptoms were getting worse.This was when my 1st expiereance with a psychiatric clinic happened.. I wish Id never gone there now.They stopped the little pills & put me on another.. I found out years later this was Zoloft.I started having sudden, massive depression attacks within 48 hours of the new 'treatment'.. I didn't know what was happening.

 

These sudden attacks carried on punctually for the next few days. By day four I said, I'm going home & stopped the pills.

I wasn't ok, but after a couple of weeks things were improving very slowly, the depressive attacks stopped but anxiety, confusion, disorientation was quite high..

 

I found myself in another psychiatric ward. They observed me for a couple of days but considered me not ill enough to stay, + no sign of depression (nice UK NHS reaction, we need the bed for more serious cases & probably also due to tight budget considerations, though I can't confirm that).I said I wasnt ok & had no where to go as my partner at the time couldn't look after me as she was working & none of my family or friends could take me either.. the doctor said, try some Prozac, which he gave me, & duly chucked me out of the hospital after the 1st dose..

 

..my cousin picked me up & told me to join him for a week trip in Scotland, which I did.. The massive depression attacks started 2 days into the Prozac treatment, just like the Zoloft did.Again I didn't understand why, but continued the treatment as I had no doctor following me.I realized I needed to stay with someone after the trip & the only person was my mother who lived in France.

 

I arrived there a few days later, thinking of staying a couple of months while the treatment stabilized..

 

Unfortunately even after 3 weeks I didn't feel good at all..I saw a local doctor who saw 'depression' but not why, & I didn't understand either.He put me on a long half life benzo (Nordazapam) & changed me to Anafranill..

 

..within 24 hours I felt much worse, massive depression again, this continued for 2 months before I felt better..Its important to must mention, every time I was put on antidepressants I suffered terrible depression at the start of treatment.. this was never mentioned on any leaflets that came with Prozac Zoloft or any other antidepressants at that time, it was years later I found out that Eli Lilly & probably the other labs had hidden their negative results of preliminary testing, which has now been proved..(see  Dr.Breggin's court hearing very enlightening if you haven't seen it at:http://www.breggin.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=286 )

 

It's also finally been realized that all the modern ADs since & including Prozac don't work very well & can create illness's much worse than the original illness they were supposed to help.. most here will probably know this already... After 18 months, my dr & i decided to tapper a reduction.. everything went ok for a few months.When I was on the last few mgs of benzo & Clomipramine I stopped.3 days later massive depression again.. the dr tried putting back on a lower dose of the meds, this had negligible results, though the depressive symptoms disappeared temporarily with restarting the benzos.. this is when i started getting suspicious about the meds..

 

I've never felt totally ok again to this day.The following 8 years were punctuated with regular hospital visits (about 10 in total), trying to 'stabilize' me.I realized the drugs were the problem a few years after arriving in France, but by then at lot of damage had been done.. I then studied everything about 'meds', drugs, why i was ill, everything to understand my 'illness'.. I tryed stopping the drugs many times..

 

By the 3rd attempt to stop benzos I started having paradoxal effects from trying to retake them again.I was badly addicted & was also having paradoxal effects.. I had to stop brutally, had no choice.The world turned into absolute darkness, the lowest depression possible.. suicide seemed the only way to stop the pain.. 8 years passed trying to allow psychiatry's promise to help, using numerous drugs from all families of medications, at some points all at the same time, A-Typical + standard neuroleptics, benzos, other tranquilizers, antidepressants from every type (SSRI, Tricyclic, others), Lithium, anti-epileptics, you name it, I was tryied on it..  I was an absolute zombie, depressed at times to the point of delirium, terrible anxiety, with symptoms from every mental illness that exists, & any treatment I was given had violent & negative effects.. I got diagnosed for everything from chronic depression to manic depressive, monocyclic depressive ect..

 

no shrinks saw the real problem, & even those who were open to my research findings didn't know what to do about the 'symptoms'.. it's still the case today.My last stay in hospital was 2005.. I refused to go back many times, though Ive been regularly at the point of suicide.. I've been off benzos now since 2005, but still get some uncomfortable moments related to that, though it's almost gone.. Unfortunatly the antideppressants, namely Anafranill (again) has been with me since 2005.. at one point I was on 350mgs.. I desperately wanted to stop, but the depression just kept coming back.. A couple of years ago I started smoking regular but small amounts of THC like a medication. It helped the symptoms, enough to allow me to reduce the Clomipramine by half over a year.

 

But I couldn't afford to keep up the THC consumption as it was to expensive (Ive lived off disability benefits since 2003, when I was officially given a disability statue). I was forced to stop that a month ago.. this turned my world into a nightmare all over again.It even seemed like the Tricyclic did nothing, & even started giving me the effect as if it was a new treatment all over again, even though I'd been taking it for years.Ive tryed continuing it, but it's as if I'm starting a new treatment all over again.. the more I try to take the worse the depression, but if I try to lesson the dose I still get depression, though less badly & crippling anxiety.

 

Each time I take it now (which is down to 35mg a day), it makes the anxiety & depression worse, including skin crawling, back pains, head aches, electric shock sensations, low blood pressure bouts, heart palpitations, dry mouth, excessive sweating, nausea, panic attacks, blurred vision..Basically all the side effects as if I'd never taken it before.Ive researched this subject for many years now & tryed many products, alternatives to.The only one Ive found that helps a bit with depressive symptoms is a specific Omega3 formula I've been taking for a month now.. it's percentage of DHA/EPA has been specifically formulated to help with emotional balance. The others I've tried don't work as well. Even when I have an attack of very strong depression it raises it a couple of points with in 20mins.

 

(I rate symptoms from 0=normal to -10 worsed possible, suicidal thoughts start around -4 or -5, Im fluctuating between -2 to -7 at the moment, I dont know if I should up or down the the treatment Im on now.. Im ready for the nutty house again, & that scares the sxxt out of me).I'm desperate again & realize I'm now suffering Tardive Dysphoria, as well as the left overs of THC addiction.. I can't up the AD, but if I lower it it's still awful.. I'm now seeing for the 1st time an addictology expert, he's a general practitioner.. don't see a psychiatrist about this type of problem as they only see symptoms not reasons for, so always think taking more drugs is the only way out.

 

If I hear the works 'you need to stabilize on an medication' again I might just strangle the person lol.The problem is I'm so ill again I might end up in hospital again for the 1st time since 2004..This is not an option as I know what doctors will surgest, especially psychiatrists.. very dangerous people for individuals like me, but it's not their fault, they were educated to believe that 'melds' will help.. as I know what they will suggest.. they even suggested shock therapy to me more than once in the past.. its madness).But even the addictologist wants to put me on Buspirone.. I'm not sure if that's a good idea, as it is a seratonine/dopamine antagonist & has possible side effects profile that includes depression.. 

 

I can't risk worse depressive symptoms.I need to find more things that will help my brain work normally again, like the Omega3 I'm taking.Anxiety I can handle, but any state of depression is impossible to deal with.. suicidal thoughts are something that is not possible to function at all with.. I have lost a lot of weight & am dealing with this alone with my dog in my 30meter square studio (thats her on my avatar), with not enough money to even eat properly.I must add, I've lost everything in my life due to this. I never went back to the UK, have never heard from my son since, he turned 18 in April 2013, lost my career, friends, social life, lived a missable existence due to being homeless at some points, & all the difficulties of having not enough money to even live basically.. not enough food, difficulty paying bills, rent, dept, ect.. right now I have to get my food from a Red Cross type association once a month or I'd starve.. when my dog needs a vet I can't pay the bills, that really hurts me as I love her dearly.I also want to start a legal case against the original manufacturers of Prozac and Zoloft (our friends Eli Lilly + Pfizer grrr).. their deception about the real risks of their antidepressants has ruined me & millions of other people's lives since the release of the 1st SSRI type drugs.. so many have died because of this.

 

Can anyone help me with that too as no one wants to take my case.. Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read all that.. I hope I live long enough to continue my mission to inform others. Be excellent to each other.. MadMed

Edited April 17, 2018 by Altostrata
added paragraph spacing

[Angel7366]

Wow MadMed! That is some story! It's amazing how things can spin out of control - I think almost everyone on here can relate to how their lives have been changed by an innocuous little pill. The THC must also be a culprit though. Are you still using it?I am so sorry you have lost so much and also for your poor health which I really hope improves in time which I am sure it will.Keep up the good fight against Big Pharma!Angel

[MadMed]

Hi Angel,

I was so surprised to get such a fast reply.. thankyou.

Ive been doing this a very long time & studied everything there is to know.

I hope what I've been through & learned can help others to avoid going down the same road.

 

For me, I have to find a way through.. the only upside I've realized, the more you suffer the stronger you become.

Nothing in life seems compatible to the hell of forced depression, so to me things that might make others flip, like loosing a loved one, being in dept, poverty, homelessness, the worsed things imaginable seem easy in comparison.

At the times when I've felt 'better' (this is relative) it seems so wonderful just to be alive, & no problem seems difficult.

 

I see your signature.. how you finding Mirtazipine ?

Have you managed to keep living/working since 2003 ?

Good thing you got off the benzos, that was absolute hell for me & the reason I will put on ADs in the 1st place.

 

Cheers, for your support..

I'm going to publish my drug history as a post as I'm not sure how to make it small enough for a 'signature'.

If anyone can help me put it in a shorter version..

[MadMed]

OK, here goes my drug history..

The depression fits are so strong now that I may have no choice but to go back on a higher dose of AD or change as suicide thoughts are really strong.. any suggestions ? I'll be very surprised if some one suggests something lol

 

ANTIDEPRESSANTS:

Anafranil - Clomipramine (on 35mg a day now, from 350mg, have taken since 2007 & again at other times in the past)

Athymil - Mianserine (last taken 2004)

Buspirone - Buspar (dr wants to give me now)

Deroxat - Paroxetine (took for a few days 2003)

Effexor - Venlafaxline (took a few days 2003)

Ixel - Milnacipran (took a few weeks 2002)

Norset - Mirtazipine (took around a month in 2002)

Laroxyl - Amitriptyline (took around 4 months 2003)

Prothiaden - Dosulepine (took around 6 months last taken 2010)

Prozac - Fluoxetine (started my depressive symptoms took 4 months 1998/1999)

Seroplex - Escitalopram (one week around 2004)

Seropram - Citalopram (same as Seroplex)

Stablon - tianeptine (can't remember.. around 2003)

Zoloft - Sertraline (started my depressive symptoms in 1998, took 5 days)

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

BENZODIAZAPINES+GABA / ANXIETY 

(1998/2005 - finished 2005):

Imovane - Zopiclone

Lorazepam - Temesta / Ativan

Lysanxia - Prazepam

Nordaz - Nordazepam

Seresta - Oxazepam

Stilnox - Zolpidem 

Valium - Diazepam

Xanax - Alprazolam

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

ANTIPSYCHOTICS/HYPNOTIQUES 

(between 2003/2004 - finished 2004):

Abilify - Aripiprazole

Solian - Amisulpride

Risperdal - Risperidone

Tercian - Cyamemazine

Zyprexa - Olanzapine

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

HUMOR REGULATORS + ANTI- EPILEPTICS 

(between 2003/2004 - finished 2004):

Depakine - Valproate

Depakote - Divalproex Sodium

Depamide - Valpromide

Lamictal - Lamotrigine

Lithium - Teralithe (2004 finished 2007)

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Other Taken:

Atarax - Hydroxyzine (last taken 2004)

Euphytose (valerian/obepine/passiflour) - still take sometimes

Teralene - to sleep - last taken 2005 (nocked me out, even at small doses).

 

I am hyper sensitive to anything I take.. always get all the side effects even at small doses..

Apparently this is normal for people who have had benzo problems..

 

Problem right now.. if I try to lower the Anafranil terrible anxiety & depressive attacks..

If I try to take more the depressive/anxiety symptoms also get worse..

I'm close to being hospitalized again.. do I try to stabilize at higher does, change AD or try to stop.. ?

In any case, I need help/advice, which I know is very difficult for someone in my position.

[Finn]

Hello and welcome. I too am sorry to hear about your miserable history with drugs.

[Jemima]

I'm not clear on what you're currently taking or how much you're taking, but as a general guideline, we recommend tapering off antidepressants by 10% or less with at least a month's hold in between cuts.  (See: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/).  However, you seem to be awfully unstable at the moment so I hesitate to recommend tapering at this time. 

 

You might want to look over our 'Symptoms and self-care' discussion which offers a lot of non-drug ways to feel better during withdrawal.  And please do put your history in your signature, like so:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/281-bts-please-remind-posters-about-signatures/  It's difficult to make good suggestions when we aren't sure what's going on with you.  If there's too much for the signature area, please give details on the more recent years of antidepressant and benzo use and a summary of earlier years, but squeeze in as much history as possible.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, James.

 

Please specify what you're taking now, your current symptoms, and what happens when you reduce it.

 

It is possible that you are hypersensitized to any neuroactive drugs now.

[MadMed]

Hi Jemima (& thanks Finn),[it is] is a sudanim..I will try to abrivate.. I started with a panic attack in 98 from smoking canabis (no signs of depression ever before).This led to benzo prescription, still no depression, which led to SSRI prescription.The SSRIs Prozac & Zoloft started depressive symptoms which led to mistakingly being treated for classical depression.This led to multipal benzo/antideppresant/treatments, which in turn led to many hospitalizations & many more drugs.(see my 1st post & following drug history post of what I've been prescribed over the years).By the time I realized it was the drugs that were the problem my brain had been fried..Trying to stop benzos/antideppresants caused more depression.I had to stop benzos brutally even though I was also addicted to them in 2004..But since then I've been taking high does 350mgs tricyclics (Annafranil), since 2007..I started consuming THC 2 years ago to reduce the ADs as reducing them with nothing was not possible.Managed to get to 100mgs after 18 months tapering, but couldent continue the THC & was forced to stop abruptly 5 weeks ago.This screwed everything up..Tryed to continue taking the Anafranil but now it has the effect as if I was starting from nothing, so am getting terrible anxiety/depression attacks trying to get back to 100mg, but can't manage to up the dosages above 35mg a day right now.. if I up the dose it's terrible side effects, if I try to lower the does it's also terrible outcome, start getting massive anxiety/depression attacks, so either way I'm not able to get releaf.. my new dr wants me to take Buspirone for the anxiety, to ultimately help reduce & stop the ADs..That's were I am now.. I can handle a lot of discomfort before complaining, but depressive symptoms are impossible to handle as they lead to suicidal thoughts to stop the pain + unable to eat, do anything.. I rate mental pain between 0=normal to minus 10= psychotic depression (I've reached -9 in the past.. at that level you stop functioning completely, I mean vegetable state, piss & crap in bed, total loss of reality, on a drip of food).. suicidal thoughts start around -4/-5, & the last few days I've had fits that reached -7 at worsed, but don't last more than an hour..

Edited June 7, 2013 by Altostrata
removed personal information

[MadMed]

Hi Altostra, thanks for your contact..

Your absolutely right about hypersensativerty to all substances..

I found that out many years ago.. apparently due to the benzo damage, so I've heard.

Even so called 'homeopathic' doses (as the shrinks described it lol) of any psy drug has violent effects..

 

I've been taking a specific OM3 Formula for a month now, specifically dosed for emotional stability (see last posts)..

It helps even with in a crisis situation, for example early I reached a -7 depressive state, took one OM3, it lifted the DP 2 to 3 points in 20mins.. + 10mg Anafranil, this helps a little, but is soon followed by worse anxiety, itching, electric shock sensations, blurred vision..

all Anaffranil side effects.. voila

[MadMed]

I'm terrified about how tomorrow will go.. one side of me wants to up the Anafranil to a therapeutic dose, like 75 or 100..

But I know I'll get worse before getting better.. or take another AD like Mirtazapine as it acts fast & is similar to a Tricyclic but less seratonine active than Anafranil..

 

But another side of me says I'm the closest I've come to stopping ADs for good in the past 14 years..

Unfortunately like I said, lowering the Annafranil causes massive DP fits again.. it's the bloody rate race all over again.

[MadMed]

Today Ive taken 20mgs Annafranil, I feel very tierd right now as it's almost 3am now, Ive got to sleep..

Will be back online tomorrow.. I'm very scared about more DP fits like I had today.

[MadMed]

Good morning to anyone following..

it's 09h here, my iphone tells me its midnight in San Francisco (sleep well Altostrata

Got 6 hours straight sleep.. that's rare for me.

 

DP (Depressive symptoms) are around -2, that's the best I've had in the last 3 weeks.. ANX (anxiety) about the same.

(see my method of calculating pain levels in past posts).

Posting here has reminded me that keeping a journal would be a good idea.. did it before but never in a format that is online..

not just for me to refer to when it's gets hard, remind myself that it's not always the same, but to remind others in the same boat.

 

I want my story/expireances to help others, it's so important to me, even if the worsted happens, there's a record.

I'm not sure it's practical to post in diary format here.. any suggestions ?

Read somewhere here about making a blog or a means to be able to write everything down on a daily basis..

I don't want to fill this thread with hundreds of pages, unless anyone says here is where I should do it.

 

I'm going to open an FB page to inform, help others (mentioned it yesterday).. might help me too.

Will publish the link here when it's done, if 'you' think that's a good idea ?

[MadMed]

..don't know how to edit/change/delete (if nessisary) a past post, so have to make a new post to update.

DP & ANX is going down again.. at -4 & descending.. those bad thoughts arnt far away.. took my OM3 pill & 10mg Clomipramine..

Let's see what happens, as I'm starting to have spontaneous crying..

 

I managed to create/launch my new FB help site.. but after warnings about publishing certain details here, I'm going to wait for others to tell me if it's a good idea to post it here.. the page needs working on, but Ive got the time.. time is something I have in abundance

[Altostrata]

Many people find keeping a journal to be helpful to track their healing, and it helps inform others, too.

[MadMed]

Many people find keeping a journal to be helpful to track their healing, and it helps inform others, too.

Can I do this here, or is there a section/service here for daily type posts, so others can follow it ?If not, what do you advise ? I have a lot of knowledge about the web & tech things in general, not a webmaster, but not far off lolOnly things I can't do is coding development, HTML, php, sql, c++ ect .. What should I be looking at to keep a daily, online journal ? Things like Blogger / Wordpress or something totally different ?Should I publish my new FB site here publically ?

[MadMed]

Hello everyone following this thead

Here is a FB page to help those related to psychiatric drug problems & inform others about all the facts.

Please share to get the information out there a bit more, thx

 

Many doctors, psychiatrists, medication + drug withdrawal professionals may also find the info useful.

 

https://www.facebook.com/MedicationMadness

 

.. as for me, tonight is bad.

Tryed going back on a small dose of Anafranil (Clomipramine 30mg a day),

but it's causing worsed deppression/anxiety to start, then serotonin syndrome excitability as it just to serotonin active..

bloody nightmare.. my doc says to try to handle the excitability at this stage..

he even said that uping serotonin levels can be helpful & to not focus so much on symptoms lol

He is totally open & interested about my 14 years of research..

the more doctors I can help to learn the more lives can be saved.

.. any advise from anyone would be helpful

 

Oh yeah, if anyone from Eli Lilly or Pfizer fall oh this page.. you screwed my life, my son lost his farther & millions of other people's lives have been screwed with your drugs.. I know it helps some, but if you'd told the whole truth about your 'medications' to start with many lives could have been saved.. & you still deny that SSRI's can cause depression.. shame on you.

[MadMed]

Wow, need help.. suicide thoughts are back, I'm at -7 DP this morning (see past posts)..

tying to go back to a bit of Anafranil is having a double wammy effect..

During the day, take 10mg in the morning+ another 10 midday..

seems to temporarily help, then in the evening massive anxiety & by the morning much worse deppression.

 

I don't know what to do.. I'm alone & I need help, but if I ring the emergency department it will be a return to the nutty house & my probleme will be ruined again by psychiatric prescriptions..

Am I going to have to kill myself to stop this, is that the only way out ?

If this happens please continue the fight..

I hope I won't be just another waisted life that changes nothing.

I know it's just the depressive symptoms talking, but they are real thoughts & only go away when the symptoms improve

[Altostrata]

This topic is intended to be a record, or journal, of your progress. You may wish to put more detail on a Facebook page or written in a private notebook.

 

Are you taking varying dosages of Anafranil from day to day? When was the last time you were taking a stable dose, and how much were you taking? Are you still taking a benzo? How often are you taking it?

[MadMed]

(this is going to be a long post, my appologies)

I stopped benzos in 2004, brutally, I had no choice at the time, was suffering paradoxical effects but was also addicted, so tapering wasn't possible.. this was after multiple attempts to quit.. antidepressants were taken through out the period 98 till now because depressive symptoms were always coming back, at the time of benzo wds depression was massive.

 

I'm pretty sure @ 95% benzo wds is now over, but ive now understood that ADs infact have very similar wds, as I've felt many symptoms that are identical. Most recent history I can give is as follows:

 

2 years ago I was on 350mg of Anafranil, any attempt to reduce was impossible..

I then found small dose cannabis use helped depressive, anxious symptoms & various other benefits like, calming, sleeping, relaxing, eating, functioning better & others, though it ruined any sexual activity, caused bad memory loss, general uninterest in anything else except consuming THC & it caused very bad skin problems .. I also managed to reduce the AD to 100mg over the 2 years till about 6 weeks ago.. then I was forced to stop as I couldn't afford it anymore..

 

My whole world collapsed within a few days, as if the AD was doing nothing.. I still think I've got some of that left over.

I didn't know what to do.. can't remember how or why I ended up reducing the Anafranil also, but I was so bad that I tryed reinstating it..

This time it was as if I'd never taken it before, I suffered massive side effects even at small doses, I'm talking 20mg a day..

Heavy sedation, confusion, blood pressure loss, panic attacks, worse depression.. at some moments I thought I was going to fall into a coma.. I tryed upping the doses but the symptoms got worse..

 

I then saw a addictology expert general practitioner.. he said stay at 75mg.. but any attempt to go higher was a living nightmare.. so I tryed to reduce instead, but that also caused very bad crying & the other symptoms related to reducing.. at one point I was on 35mgs for a few days in a row but I started having serotonin syndrome effects, to exited, though less depressed.. my new doc said to deal with the over excitability, but it was awful in a different way, this is why I was given benzos in the past with Anafranil which I've had before.

 

Right now I'm on 20mg a day, but I can't stabilize.. when I take it there's less anxiety to start, a bit less deppression, but still present, then within a few hours massive anxiety (like right now as I'm writing, it's so bad I can't breath properly).. then followed by depression again.. if I try to take the 20mg close together there's improvement on both anxiety & DP, but excitement, unfortunately this is then followed a few hours later by much more intence anxiety & depression..

 

Each morning over the last few days I wake with at least -7 deppression which = suicidal thoughts, so I rush to take the 10mg Anafranil+ my OM3 tab.. both together help a bit, but only maybe 40%.. so today I said to myself try to split the 10mg tabs morning & evening to see if it can balance out, but the effect of each 10mg dosnt last long, & as mentioned, followed by terrible DP/ANX/vertigo/crawling skin/pains within a few hours.

 

I'm totally lost.. I realize restarting the ADs was possibly a bad idea, but the symptoms one way or the other are so bad that I make desperate decisions hoping to improve the symptoms & avoid being hospitalized again. The shrinks will just see symptoms & prescribe more drugs which has never helped me (see 1st post for total story).. I tryed to let them help the 1st 8 years & just became a zombie, incapable of functioning at all. The only way is for me to stop all drugs & let my brain heal, but doing that sends me back into constant depression/suicidal ideology. The practical problem is that extreme anxiety or depression stops me from eating & I've lost a lot of wight already due to this (I'm at 60kg for 1'80m, normally 68kg) & I've got no one who can help me on a daily basis to eat, wash, go out ect.

 

When I went through benzo wds I had a partner who helped me to get through, but unsurprisingly we split because she couldn't take it after years of the same crap.. we stayed together for 14 years, she dealt with this the whole time, but no one is capable or qualified to help someone in my situation which ultimately = being hospitalized in a psy Clinique which = more drugs..

what am I going to do, it seems which ever way I go = hell, I can't deal with this level of pain constantly & I'd rather die than go back into a psychiatric establishment again (I say that without emotion, just the facts)..

 

I'm a very capable & strong individual when symptoms are less intence, Ive managed to start mounting a new ecommerce/dropshipping business over the last few years, but I'm unable to advance when symptoms are bad, & there is no way I can make it a success until I'm totally clean of these nightmare drugs & have my head back.. it feels so hopeless

 

The solution would be, stop all psychoactive substances then put me into an artificial coma for time it takes for my brain to heal.. bit extreme, but would allow me to get through the worsted symptoms without having to go back to taking more drugs.

[strawberry17]

Hi MadMed

You found me on FB last night, I'm sorry for all the trauma you've been through.

Strawberry

[MadMed]

Thx strawberry

see your 'journey' started same year as mine..

you will get through..

It's just so important the info gets out, especially to the medical professionals who were also kept in the dark.

 

Were I live (France) it's still unknown how bad these 'meds' can be & France is the 2nd largest consumers after the states.

It's always a question of money, if the government here realized how much money they could save by helping people to think twise before taking these drugs, then developing ways of getting people off them & back to work they would save a fortune.

[MadMed]

an update.. few days ago I started reducing the Annafranill..

it was doing me more worse than good.. the WDs started, including DP/Anxiety, very strong nausea, vertigo, head aches, crawling skin sensations, spontanius anxiety attack, electric shock feelings etc

loads of typical WDs symptoms that I must say resembles a lot benzo WDs Ive know well in the past.

 

today/tonight is the 1st time I haven't taken any psychiatric drugs in the last 14 years.. this is just the start..

the hardest is probably going to hit me in the next few days.. I've decided that no matter what happens I'm not going back.

I made a vow, this time I will either succeed, or die trying..

I say this matter of factly, as I'm alone & it's hard to eat when it's bad.. would be nice if someone could be with me during this, help me eat, wash, go out, force me to function at a minimum..

I've already lost 6kgs in the last month as I've got no-one to help me with this on a daily basis, which would be helpful, but the only type of daily type help in this type of situation is hospital, & that's out of the question, very dangerous to those like me.

 

no more drugs, no more hospitals, I've told those around me, including my new addictology dr, I prefer to pass away from hunger or suicide than to return to drugs or psychiatry.. don't worry, that's life, I made a similar decission when I went through benzo WDs.

 

I'm going for it as there is no other way.. substitutions for other drugs exist, but not antideppressants..

I'll no doubt be here when suicidal thoughts start.. wish me luck

my dr has been very open to my surgestions for alternative treatments ect..

I will look for a Reiki therapist in my town tomorrow as 14 years ago when I tryed that last it helped me enormously.

 

ps.. I haven't seen my son in 14 years because of this 'problem'..

he was 2 when I last saw/heard from him, is turned 18 on the 15 April this year.

maybe one day he will read this, so I want him to know that I always loved him,

what happened wasn't my fault.

 

pps I got a form today to get free legal help as Ive wanted to start a case against Eli Lilly & pfizer for ruining my life & those affected by my situation.. if anyone can give me advise as to how I should approach this or point me in the right direction to info or a lawyer who might take my case, please contact me, as I've already tryied getting a lawyer 4 times in the UK but no one will help me.

thx

[flower]

Your story about your son brought tears to my eyes.I thank god I never took a drug raising my sons..I pray for you to find peace. Everyone here will help you get through this..

[MadMed]

grrr my post wasn't finished, so I'm posting it again in full.. can someone please erase the last one if this one works..

 

thankyou so much flower, your reply brought tears to my easy to, especially as I'm feeling particularly sensitive today..

I'm going to write next update before I must lie down as depression is really kicking in :/

 

here goes.. DP+ anxiety is around -5 right now & descending (see past posts to understand).. massive vertigo, itching skin, electric shock sensations, head aches, trembling, wanting to cry ect..

so for the benefit of others who follow this thread, I'm going to make a list of things that have helped me, now & in the past.. also some things I've heard work well that I'm going to try, if I make it

what's more important than whether I make it or not is that what I've learned in 14 years can benefit others..

 

- Rieki therapist.. this one really helped me with depressive symptoms, anxiety, general well being many years ago so I'm trying to find a good therapist in the town where I live.. maybe it was fluke the last time, but for what ever reason it helped me. Unfortunatly like many 'alternative' treatments, it's not recognized yet by the medical profession so isn't not payed by public health systems, in uk, France ect.

 

- MindSpa - one of many 'mind machine' systems, using light/sound to stimulate brain functions..

found a link here www.avstim.com but can be found under different links in most countries. This is apparently the best on the market for depressive symptoms, so I've read, but it's expensive, around $€£300.. please, if anyone knows where to can get one cheap or an alternative that defiantly works for deppresive symptoms please post it.. I need one now, & others after me.

 

- EMDR.. Eye Movement Densensitization and Reprocessing. This is covered by the health system in France, maybe in other countries too. Ive got my 1st session in a week..

 

- OM3.. a must, but has to be the right EPA/DHA % formula otherwise it doesn't work as well. Ive tested many, but only found one that works for me, even in any emergency attack.. I've found it here www.isodisnatura.co.uk/om3emotion.html

.. do me a service, I buy from this site & have an account.. I get reductions if I pass others through my account, it's not exactly an affiliate thing, but helps me, & is the same price as a referral or not.. if you want to help please send me your mail at : psychiatricratrace@gmail.com Ill refer anyone through my account, which helps me buy my supply. this is also the official mail for my Facebook help site..

- 400IU Vitimin E to help OM3 - d-alpha-tocopherol and natural mixed tocopherols

(as advised on other posts in the forum of survivingantidepressants.org )

 

- Bach Rescue Remedy & other Bach products www.bachflower.com/rescue-remedy-information

 

- Neurofeedback therapy.. Ive heard this can help & would like to try it, but equipment, therapy can be expensive.. it's sad, as the people that really need alternative possibilities that work often can't afford it.

 

- Immunocal @ www.immunocal.com .. this is a contravercial treatment, but does work for many symptoms, & many other things, has also been proven to work in helping some psychatric illness's like manic depressives (eg bi polar disorder), depression.. I managed to get some many years ago, I have to say it's an amazing product, but I couldn't afford to keep it up.. in my oppionion, it's one of those things that should be taken for general well being like OM3 all the time.. I might even see if I can set up an affiliated link with them to further help my mission

 

There are many other things that can help (please see the forums).. feel free to add your suggestions to this thread, but don't just post anything unless you know for sure it helps or has helped you.. thx

One thing that is important for anyone following this thread & is desperate.. don't think there is a magic bullet, cause I have tried & tested many things, & so far haven't found a magic bullet so it probably doesn't exist lol.. time is the only healer so far, maybe science & others research will change that..

 

I'm going to mention this, though I didn't really want to, but as much as it may or may not offend some people I'm pushed to do it not only to help me, but also to help my mission to help others, to run future & present projects I'm intending to do (like a separate hosted site, a non profit association & any promotion linked to getting the info out to the public... if I manage to find the force/energy/capacity lol & ultimately to help others get alternative treatments/methods/help that they can't afford.. these are big projects, I hope I can do them, we will see.. if anyone wants to help me with the multipal skills that are going to be needed to pull this off you know where to find me.. something is pushing me to do this, I can't ignore it ).

I'm going to open a PayPal account to accept any donations that people may wish to offer..

I know here they also have a donations menu tab on the site survivingantidepressants.org

PLEASE don't feel obliged to give anything cause I'm not doing it to play on people's emotions like a begger or something, only give if you want to, not for any other reason

 

.. & my favorite quotes..

Don't mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness

.. be excellent to each other (those who remember the film will understand )

[LisasLove]

MM

Sorry that you  have gone through so much pain. Hang in there.

 

You stated that it is normal for people who have had benzo problems to also be sensitive to antidepressants. Do you have any research that you can share on this? Benzo's is where it all started for me too. I was addicted to benzos within 3 to 7 days of taking them.

[MadMed]

MM

Sorry that you have gone through so much pain. Hang in there.

 

You stated that it is normal for people who have had benzo problems to also be sensitive to antidepressants. Do you have any research that you can share on this? Benzo's is where it all started for me too. I was addicted to benzos within 3 to 7 days of taking them.

.. the best info I've found related to benzodiazepine withdrawal & related symptoms was given to me by Professor Heather Ashton

(in full for those Google spiders ), I spoke to her twise in the past.. don't try to contact her, she's retired now & anything she can tell you is on her manuel :

http://www.bcnc.org.uk/professor-heather-ashton.html

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/

(I know the author of that site, Ray Nimmo, he's still suffering years after stopping, read his story)

 

In short, for those who have been affected by benzos & found it difficult, antideppsants are the only option, or suffer long enough for the brain to heal.. Unfortunatly ADs can be just as difficult to stop, especially SSRIs & modern antideppressants in general.

Drug withdrawal of any kind is often replaced by another drug, then that drug becomes the problem.. it's a ratrace.

Their even talking about reaserching the fast antidepressant effects of Ketamine as a possible new line of drugs !!

 

I see you have passed by the typical story of SSRIs ect I've expiereanced & read about 100s of times.

Your brain needs to heal, like mine & any other substances that you through at it may make things worse & stop the healing proccess, though it seems hard to accept, there is no know cure for this problem yet.. blame Eli Lilly & other labs for having hidden their true results from the public.

[burnedbypills]

Your solicitating money from the poor suffering people on this website.  Something smells fishy.  This can't be right.

[MadMed]

Your solicitating money from the poor suffering people on this website. Something smells fishy. This can't be right.

I'm not solicitatiing anything.. please read my past posts, if u haven't already.. I didn't want to post it, & I don't want to 'play' with people's feelings.. it hurts some to read your post, but I was expecting it.. I genuinely want to help others avoid going down the road I've taken (am still taking) & try to help those already in it.. but to push this subject into the public eye & professional circles takes work, time & unfortunately money.. I only have time to give, but time alone has it's limits. The kind of projects I would like to get going need more than nice words.. also, 1 person can't do much alone, but many people with the same message can cause pressure where it needs it to be put..I'm sorry if I have to be blunt, but I really don't have the force or energy to convince those that doubt my intentions.If you have doubts, look at the links/info FB page I've launched so far & remember this was done by a person at 10% of his capacity.When I get through this I will be able to invest more efforts.. I hope you will change your view, but I can't do more to persuade you.. Ive been doing this for a long time, trust me on this one. Also, please be careful what you say to people that are already weak, it has 10x more effect than to someone who is ok..

[MadMed]

**** !! that one really took it out of me, even if I was expecting it..

makes me want to stop everything & just focus on getting better.. but I can't just let it go even if it's hard.

like I said before, there's something pushing me to do this & I don't give a crap if there are those that doubt me..

 

it's not a 'god' thing or anything related as I'm an agnostic, but I do beleave everything in the universe is linked, so everyone is somehow related, so it's impossible to ignore the suffering of others & do nothing.. my last thought for tonight

(it's 22h50 here, & I'm not good tonight, but that's the up & down ride that those who are in it already understand)

 

ps to any administrators here.. does anyone disagree with what I'm trying to do, or the way I'm going about it ? if yes I'll pull out.. I'm filled with doubts now, which in my state is harder to deal with..

makes me want cry, but that's just because it's a hard night.

[burnedbypills]

If you are legit I apologize.  It is up to everyone to decide if they want to help you with money.  Let everyone make there own choice.

[MadMed]

If you are legit I apologize. It is up to everyone to decide if they want to help you with money. Let everyone make there own choice.

hay it's ok, like I said, I was expecting it, & your doubt/point of view is normal....but I really appreciate hearing back from you ;)I can't see anything on your signature, but if your in this in some way, do look over the forums here & my posts, the info is useful & can help.

[MaryKA]

the more you suffer the stronger you become.

 

well said, up to a point of course!!

[Jemima]

...I also want to start a legal case against the original manufacturers of Prozac and Zoloft (our friends Eli Lilly + Pfizer grrr).. their deception about the real risks of their antidepressants has ruined me & millions of other people's lives since the release of the 1st SSRI type drugs.. so many have died because of this.

Can anyone help me with that too as no one wants to take my case.. Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read all that.. I hope I live long enough to continue my mission to inform others. Be excellent to each other.. MadMed

 

These cases are extremely difficult to prove and are, hence, unprofitable.  That's why most lawyers won't take them on.  Personally, I think I've got a good case against Pfizer because of Lipitor damage, but trying to prove my problems came from Lipitor is just about impossible, especially since most doctors would not agree to my diagnosis.  I figure my best bet is to wait for some enterprising law firm to start a class action suit, and I do believe that will happen eventually.

[Narcissus]

Madmed, I'm very sorry for all that you've suffered.  It sounds like your life has been severely affected by the use of psychiatric drugs.  I hope things begin to improve for you soon.  A few observations.1.  I find it strange that with all of your history and familiarity with these drugs you're still jumping around as much as you are.  You keep reporting that increasing and lowering your dosage both cause unbearable side effects, yet you continue to do both.  I would strongly suggest finding a dosage where you're able to stay put for a while until your symptoms subside a bit.  2.  I understand that you would like to help others, and I admire your dedication.  Still, I would try to focus your energy on healing at the moment.  You'll be much more useful to people when you're less distressed.  3.  I know it may seem imposible, but please try to relax.  I realize that much of the anxiety is probably physiological at this point, but you still have some say in how you respond to it.  This is something we all struggle with here, it's sort of an ongoing discussion you're welcome to take part in.  But I can't help but wonder if your urgent attempts to help others are not adding some to your already mounting anxiety.  

 

3.  I could be wrong, but I do not get a sense that you've thoroughly looked through this forum.  I've found these threads to be especially helpful, please look through some of them even if they contain information you're already familiar with:

 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/392-one-theory-of-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome/http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery/http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/ 

[MaryKA]

MedMad, I'm so shocked how you've been sucked into the med madness, and with no way out. I don't have the depth of your agony, but I am really really sorry your life is wrecked. Keep your intelligence and your strength is all I can suggest.

[Jemima]

**** !! that one really took it out of me, even if I was expecting it..makes me want to stop everything & just focus on getting better.. but I can't just let it go even if it's hard.like I said before, there's something pushing me to do this & I don't give a crap if there are those that doubt me..it's not a 'god' thing or anything related as I'm an agnostic, but I do beleave everything in the universe is linked, so everyone is somehow related, so it's impossible to ignore the suffering of others & do nothing.. my last thought for tonight(it's 22h50 here, & I'm not good tonight, but that's the up & down ride that those who are in it already understand)ps to any administrators here.. does anyone disagree with what I'm trying to do, or the way I'm going about it ? if yes I'll pull out.. I'm filled with doubts now, which in my state is harder to deal with..makes me want cry, but that's just because it's a hard night.

 

Posting your Facebook or blog link in your signature is perfectly acceptable.  However, soliciting donations on this site is not, so I've hidden the post with your request for donations and the related email address.  No harm done.  This site has been in flux for nearly two weeks because of a software "upgrade" and the usual introductory rules aren't as prominent as they used to be.  Here's the link to "What Will Get You Banned from the Site":

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1598-what-will-get-you-warned-or-banned/

 

As for your idea in general, I'd wait until I was all the way through withdrawal before attempting anything like what you suggest.  Being angry, especially when unstable in withdrawal, isn't going to impress people well.  There's a very good blog by one of our mods, GiaK, called "Beyond Meds" where she has been fighting the good fight with a great deal of dignity and wisdom for several years.  Her writings and posted research are quite impressive and she has become a "name" among the anti-antidepressants crowd.