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Why Do I See a Therapist


alexjuice

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As time has passed I've become more concerned with the whole word of psychiatry and psychology. For a while I thought the problem was largely in my selection of lousy psychiatrists and psychologists. However I am seeing a psychotherapist now, I have been for a couple of years, and I don't think she is necessarily lousy, but she is not really very helpful.

 

One of my problems is that I am experienced in therapy, way too much so. And because of all of this experience I can predict with pretty good accuracy what my therapist is going to say before she says it.

 

My therapist holds a lot of conventional psychological beliefs. It's not very enlightening or productive to hear her sing from the book of therapy each week.

 

My psychotherapist is also a psychiatrist -- but she's never prescribed me anything -- so she's a very terrible choice to talk about the abuse, neglect and malpractice I received from very lousy psychiatrists and psychologists. I think I am realizing that I don't really benefit from seeing any practioner of this belief system...

 

I wonder if I am alone?

 

Perhaps soon I will be finish my taper and never return to her office. I do hope so, of course.

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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no, you're not alone...

 

I still seek out help from those with wisdom but they're now completely OUT OF THE SYSTEM...

 

healers...that don't identify with questionable degrees in psychology or the like...though sometimes they do have them...not always though!!

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

In general, I agree with Gia. But if you need support, compassion, a good listener, where to turn? the biological model has really rotted out the most important aspect- the relationship between the client and the therapist. But in my travels through the rich and varied world of helpers as I searched for relief from anxiety and depression, there were not too many decent folks in the institutions that I came in contact with.

 

I feel for you, really. Not that you asked for advice, but I would probably move away from talking to the shrink about anything of deep importance to you. Just because it's like letting buffalo into your living room, you know? They just stampede and leave lots of deep hoof prints on top of whatever else is there.

 

Have you heard of co-counseling? Is there anybody doing anything like peer support near your undisclosed location?

 

1989 - 1992 Parnate* 

1992-1998 Paxil - pooped out*, oxazapam, inderal

1998 - 2005 Celexa - pooped out* klonopin, oxazapam, inderal

*don't remember doses

2005 -2007   Cymbalta 60 mg oxazapam, inderal, klonopin

Started taper in 2007:

CT klonopin, oxazapam, inderal (beta blocker) - 2007

Cymbalta 60mg to 30mg 2007 -2010

July 2010 - March 2018 on hiatus due to worsening w/d symptoms, which abated and finally disappeared. Then I stalled for about 5 years because I didn't want to deal with W/D.

March 2018 - May 2018 switch from 30mg Cymbalta to 20mg Celexa 

19 mg Celexa October 7, 2018

18 mg Celexa November 5, 2018

17 mg Celexa  December 2, 2019

16 mg Celexa January 6, 2018 

15 mg Celexa March 7, 2019

14 mg Celexa April 24, 2019

13 mg Celexa June 28, 2019

12.8 mg Celexa November 10, 2019

12.4 Celexa August 31, 2020

12.2 Celexa December 28, 2020

 

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Barbarannamated

You're definitely not alone, Alex. I have almost as much disdain for the psychologists I saw over the years as the psychiatrists. NOT ONE explored the impact of becoming physically disabled / losing my independence at 39 ... having a drug addict sister...

I don't remember what the h*** we even talked about. Not surprising that it all became buried in more drugs over many years.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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compsports

During the time I was on psych meds, I saw two social workers. One seemed to be very pro meds. But the other tried to get me to realize that antidepressants weren't that great of a treatment when I complained about side effects.  Unfortunately, I was too spellbound and wedded to meds to pick up her clues.

 

Later in my taper phase, I saw a psychologist for career counseling. She was very supportive of my med tapering and definitely felt that meds weren't all that wonderful.

 

Alex, in a spite of my mostly positive experiences, I have heard your experiences sadly are not uncommon. I mean, after all, many psychologists want med prescription privileges so that says it all.

 

CS

Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010
Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006
Finished taper on June 10, 2010

Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016

Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week

April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia

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Barbarannamated

I mean, after all, many psychologists want med prescription privileges so that says it all.CS

That, it does. Good point, CS.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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You're definitely not alone, Alex. I have almost as much disdain for the psychologists I saw over the years as the psychiatrists. NOT ONE explored the impact of becoming physically disabled / losing my independence at 39 ... having a drug addict sister...I don't remember what the h*** we even talked about. Not surprising that it all became buried in more drugs over many years.

I'm glad I am not alone. I've been reflecting on the pointlessness of continuing to see a therapist for a while...

 

I stopped at my psychiatrist's old office building off the highway recently. I needed to make a rest room pit stop and I only knew of one bathroom in the immediate vicinity. My shrink moved offices six years ago so his old building is the building I started with therapy and psychiatry in, before I was an adult.

 

I hadn't been in that office complex in over six years and was unprepared for the effect of returning to the scene of the crime.

 

When I left my car and walked towards the front door, I started feeling queasy. I was totally  unprepared for the power of the effect of returning to that building. So much destruction occured on those premises. After using the rest room, I high-tailed it out of there. Still queasy I started to literally get weak before I reached the exit. For a moment, I could have wept and a tear did trickle down my face.

 

When I returned to my car, I realized I'd been breathing short, holding my breath and I exhaled massively. As I drove off, I imagined the building on fire and that made me feel better.

 

I wish there was a way to talk to my therapist about this, alas a perfect example of an instanec in which we are on two sides of a wall and no amount of openmindedness on her part can ever bridge the gap of knowing what it is like, which she can not any more than I can understand what it is to woman. No amount of trying or training can bridge the gap, there's whole topics that can not be productively discussed with her because there is no amount of exposition about my side of the wall that can do it proper justice. Staring across this wall, it's very difficult to not believe I am wasting my time and her time by doing 'therapy' with her,

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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sounds like a waste of time to me...and though I'm no fan of psychologists in a general sense...I do know that there are many who would be able to talk about what you speak of...they're simply in a minority...a small minority, unfortunately. 

 

If you're motivated at some point and feel the need it's pretty easy to vet them over the phone before you ever meet them...you just have to be brutal with questions and boundaries and see how they respond...if they get it they're worth a meet...if they don't...you don't bother going to an appt and yeah, wasting your time. 

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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I believe you about the small minority.

 

At this point, I wonder if I want to expend the energy to interview someone new. I think I might like first a total break from the process - I've done continuous drugs/therapy for 17 years - and maybe I can recharge my batteries in that time. After a break, I might decide I want to invesst in finding someone more worthwhile to have a therpeutic relationship with...

 

Also, I've noticed the new board system doesn't highlight my spelling errors ... which is leading to more errors in the published posts ... oh well, this is a brain on drugs. wink.

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

Link to post
Barbarannamated

Alex,

 

A few months ago, I drove through the area where I self*admitted to the 2 outpatient programs and then 3 day detox nightmare. I had a similar reaction to what you described. I fear ever stepping foot in the buildings or general hospitals again, in an emergency.

 

I don't expect anyone, especially a therapist still steeped in that culture, could ever understand that visceral reaction.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Meimeiquest

Alex, does it help to tell your stories here? There are many people here pulling for you.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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Alex, does it help to tell your stories here? There are many people here pulling for you.

Meimeiquest,

Yes, it helps for sure. I am grateful for all the support I have recieved here, absolutely.

Alex

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

Link to post
Meimeiquest

In all your therapy, have you ever done cognitive therapy? I think I may have arrived at the day I knew would come. I wrote some about my family yesterday....I have so little insight about it. I started Prozac back in 1989 because I felt I couldn't work safely as our premarital counseling turned into a major "dealing with my dad" saga. Prozac and voila...I don't really care. Wonderful drug!

 

So this morning I woke up with that Mac truck feeling. Not sure what to do. I'm afraid I can't afford the "compound interest" I've accrued since my late 20's.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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Thank you Alex for your describtion of going to your old pdoc's office made you feel quesy. Recently a friend asked me to accompany her to her pdoc's office and I cringed because he shares the same area with my old pdoc. No way I was going in there. I'm no longer the same person. The majority of therapists I know are diagnosis based. One read a diagnosis of a family member that was in my notes and negatively commented on it. I replied you never met her so how could you say this was accurate when you say my diagnosis was wrong?? You know nothing of what she went through either.

 

Taking back my life psyche drug free and all things psyche related was very refreshing. I needed it to see I really really did NOT need it. Sometimes I sorta would like to chat with the therapist to update my achievements but why bother rehashing the trash?? Words can not express my awe of being free from it all (besides the residue trauma).

Unable at this time to correspond by private message.

 

Link to my Introduction thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2477-aria-my-psych-journey/

Reading my psychiatric records: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5466-drugged-crazy-reading-my-psychiatric-records/

My Success Story is listed under "Aria's Recovery".

 

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Meimeiquest

I have been through nothing drug-wise compared to you all, and I was very uneasy at my last appt., changing doctors

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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