Redmanone Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Hey adagiooo, what i read wouldve made me cry if i wasnt so emotionally blunted. I am so sorry for what you're going through. In my honest opinion i think you should just taper off of them. They have ruined me and i hate seeing them ruin you. I too have just recently gotten 10x more depressed than i usually am. Im thinking about loading up my gun and ending it tonight. Its a shame. I havent used the gun for anything, so sad its only use was to kill its owner. Im so depressed and i cant do a thing about it because the medicine is in my head literally. And it wont get out, even when it does idk if ill be better. ???????? Anafranil 100mg -was injected with invega sustenna 234mg then a week later 156mg Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 Thank you so much Redmanone for your compassion and empathy. I can't just quickly taper off of the risperdal because it gives me terrorfying insomnia when I try to do that. But I'm thinking I might just have to go a little faster than recommended because I am really, really at the end of the line. I also have to consider psychosis though, so...I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm also trying to migrate my benzo to the afternoon. So there's a lot going on and I don't want to destabilize myself any more than I already have. My heart breaks for you too Redmanone. I know you're suffering terribly. But please, please give someone else that gun! You will get better. You are off of the Invega and your body and brain will readjust. They really will. Please, just say to yourself that you'll wait till morning to see how you feel. And then keep holding on minute by minute. You've gone over a big hurdle. You got off of the Invega. Now just do what Alto suggested and try to taper the Zoloft. You can make it. (((((((Healing hugs))))))) to you. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
Redmanone Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Thanks adagioo, i have fortunately tapered completely off zoloft pretty quickly. I dont know how you are without the risperdal, but in my oppinion adagioo. I would rather be altogether insane than emotionless like i am. I would give anything to be back as i was. Id be drug free for the rest of my life if thats what God wanted for the cure. ****, id be a talking head if i could at least feel alive again. Anything would be better than this right now. Dont worry either, you can taper however slowly needed and get off of it. It will be easier than awaiting a long acting injection trust me. The problem though is, even once its completely out of my body, there may be some left stored in fat cells. Thats where they hide. Im so desperate. The days are getting harder and harder each day. I hope things get better for you really. ????????no to antipsychotics???????? Anafranil 100mg -was injected with invega sustenna 234mg then a week later 156mg Link to comment
Faithbarelysurviving Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Thank you Adaggio. God Bless you! Please have patience and read : a great Mental Health Care System indeed/Never been hospitalized prior to starting meds -Not sure all is accurate:2005 Diag. with major depression and anxiety after second birth -switched AD,getting worse (maybe:Celexa, Effexor, Wellbutrin-diagnosed with bp -Zyprexa, stopped it fast, got hosp.,Seroquel incr. at 300mg, wors. depr, akathisia bad, -changed dr.,dropped Seroquel 300mg to 100mg !!!- -new dr.got me off Seroquel in 1 mth at home!!Lamictal to help...getting worse,was also taking Clonazepam -severe muscle twiches, dp/dr,neck and shoulder muscles tight straight like cement, psychotic, bedridden for 1yr -Got put on Zoloft in the hosp.,and 3 mg of Clonazepam, "Stabilized" some after some months, 5-6, -Came off Zoloft by dropping some weekly, not knowing better!debilitating symptoms, got back on, tried to reduce Clonazepam after research.Prof. Ashton; hosp., asked dr. to follow Dr Ashton, he dropped 3 mg Clon. in One day!put on much less Valium...hysterical,pain,rage,couldn t breathe,akathisia etc etc -Zoloft up to 200mg!, hyperv. muscles tight like cement...my dr., on vacation!!Other dr red.zoloft, gave me Remeron Current meds:Buspirone 20mg,Tegretol200mg,Trazadone 50 mg,Clonaz. 3mg,Escital.15mg,Propran.20mg,Bupropr.150mg,Baclofen30mg,Gabapentin200mg, taken 4 times/day in various comb Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Haven't posted in a while and really can't. Too tired, too suicidal, too everything. I want to post on some other people's threads but I'm in such a bad space right now I don't know what to write. I have to drop a little more of the risperdal. It's killing me. I am literally dying to die. The only thing keeping me alive is that I don't have a sure fire way to do it. Peace and healing to all. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Peace to you, too..maybe dropping a little will give some relief xx hope so..don't worry about not being able to post on others threads xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I'm with you my dear. I know how it feels to want to die. Let's try and hang on together. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Thank you LoveandLight and Bluebalu86. I'm hoping a little drop in the risperdal will bring some relief. I'm crying as I write this because this is not about self pity, this is pure torture. Yes, let's hang on together. Better days are ahead. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 If me make a decision to stay alive, we can do this. No matter how bad it gets. People have gone through it and recovered. So can we. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Faithbarelysurviving Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Thank you for your care Adagioo. I feel so guilty i can t write more, and cannot comfort other people. I cannot go on other threads.....i can barely go on mine because i am so desperate, i think this place is why i am still alive... God help us all Hugs Please have patience and read : a great Mental Health Care System indeed/Never been hospitalized prior to starting meds -Not sure all is accurate:2005 Diag. with major depression and anxiety after second birth -switched AD,getting worse (maybe:Celexa, Effexor, Wellbutrin-diagnosed with bp -Zyprexa, stopped it fast, got hosp.,Seroquel incr. at 300mg, wors. depr, akathisia bad, -changed dr.,dropped Seroquel 300mg to 100mg !!!- -new dr.got me off Seroquel in 1 mth at home!!Lamictal to help...getting worse,was also taking Clonazepam -severe muscle twiches, dp/dr,neck and shoulder muscles tight straight like cement, psychotic, bedridden for 1yr -Got put on Zoloft in the hosp.,and 3 mg of Clonazepam, "Stabilized" some after some months, 5-6, -Came off Zoloft by dropping some weekly, not knowing better!debilitating symptoms, got back on, tried to reduce Clonazepam after research.Prof. Ashton; hosp., asked dr. to follow Dr Ashton, he dropped 3 mg Clon. in One day!put on much less Valium...hysterical,pain,rage,couldn t breathe,akathisia etc etc -Zoloft up to 200mg!, hyperv. muscles tight like cement...my dr., on vacation!!Other dr red.zoloft, gave me Remeron Current meds:Buspirone 20mg,Tegretol200mg,Trazadone 50 mg,Clonaz. 3mg,Escital.15mg,Propran.20mg,Bupropr.150mg,Baclofen30mg,Gabapentin200mg, taken 4 times/day in various comb Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Thank you for the encouragement Bluebalu86 and Faith there is no reason to feel guilty about not being able to post on other people's threads. Use all your strength to try to hold on and untangle your meds. As for me I have been very, very unwell. Pushed myself yesterday to help out a friend in need and I'm still paying for it. I did more yesterday than I have in the last three months....it seems. Sleep is very, very fragmented and the foot pain at times is intolerable. Still, will migrate 1mg of K to 8 am...this process seems to be dragging on and I'm not feeling the relief yet. Feelings of doom and thinking I'm not going to make it flood my brain and the best I can do is distract. Am reading a very uplifting book about ballerina Misty Copeland but it makes me a little sad and wistful. Will I ever dance again? I'm 52 for goodness sake so I know the best I can manage (once I'm well) is an adult class at a community center somewhere. Would like to believe I can at some point in the future take a more challenging class but.... That's where my brain and mind are right now, not very hopeful but still pushing on. Peace of mind and healing to everyone. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Dead Adagio, you are a very kind, gentle and precious soul. We human beings are more resilient than we realize. I once read a quote that when you feel you absolutely cannot go on any longer, you have only used 50% of your resources. So you still have 50% more. Resources change in time. Sometimes we have more, sometimes we have less. But we can make it through this, one day at a time. Many people have gone through hell and survived, so we can do it too. You will dance again dear. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Thank you for your kind words Blue, I would like to believe I still have 50% of my resources to draw on, I think I can make it on that. I know others have survived far worse than I'm enduring so I have to find some hope in that. Your posts mean more to me than you know so thank you for writing. It makes me cry to think about dancing again, but it's a dream and we have to have dreams right? You be well and hang on...we'll hang on together. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Of course we need to have dreams! And yours is a beautiful one and when you get better, you will make it a reality. We'll hang on together and make it through this. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 Can't post PMs...is there something wrong with that part of the site? 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted July 9, 2015 Administrator Share Posted July 9, 2015 Check to see if your mailbox is full. If it is, delete some pms. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Dancing..that's something that I wish that I stuck at when I was little.. There is an amazing programme of dance for adults at the local theatre but it's very expensive so can't go there. You will be able to do it again Xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Hi dear, are you there? Are you OK? You haven't logged in in a while, I was worried about you. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 LoveandLight and Blue thank you for your kind words and concern. No, I am not ok. My feet are in excruciating pain and my legs and body just hurt and feel so heavy, it's like I'm dragging around an elephant. The fatigue is unbearable. My sleep is becoming more and more fragmented and I wake with a horrible sense of doom about everything. Quite frankly I feel like a loser. That's why I haven't logged on in a while because I really don't have anything good to say about this awful situation I find myself in. I can't drop my dose right now because of the sleep piece and I'm trying to migrate one of my benzos to 1 pm.; I'm at 10 am right now. Life is pretty much awful and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to find any joy or peace. I feel like I'm destined to suffer like this forever. So you see, that's why I haven't posted, because of rants like the one above. This has moved beyond my ability to cope. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted July 22, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 22, 2015 Adagiooo.. are you worse now than before you started to migrate the benzos? I sorely wish I knew what else to suggest, but you really need to even the benzo blood levels out before tapering.. but I'm cringing to think the benzo migration is adding to your difficulties. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Sorry honey that things are tough for you right now. It's pretty bad for me too. Don't worry you have nothing good to say. This is not a "fun club", we are here to encourage and support each other and carry each other through difficult times and to ease each other's suffering. Post whatever you want, rant, complain, cry, use this site in any way you feel is helping. This is really gonna suck for a while, but it won't be permanent, I promise you. At some point things will start to get better. Hold on and hang in through the pain till that moment comes. And it will come, I promise you. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Hi Skyler, I was just headed over to the benzo section to update. Yes, I am worse. But I think it's because my sleep is steadily deteriorating and the pain and my outlook is getting worse.I don't know if that has anything to do with the benzo migration or not, but this really feels like a risperdal thing. Can't be sure though. Thank you for checking on me. All you can do is offer the best advice you have based on my situation. The rest is up to me and I'm really not up to it. I'm sure my attitude is not helping, but I can't seem to shake it. My prescriber asked me if I wanted her to take me off the clonazepam and up the temazepam to 30 mg. I promptly lectured her on cold switching and also noted that temazepam has a shorter half life than K so the T might be harder to taper off of. I was, however, tempted to take her up on her offer as being on one benzo is less psychologically damaging than being on two. Have migrated the K to 10 am so: Bedtime- 1 mg K, 15 mg Temazepam and 1 mg Risperdal. 10am 1mg K 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Thank you Blue, your words always make me cry. I want to believe so badly. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 ...and I'm sorry you're not feeling well either. I hope things ease up for you very soon and you can start to taper. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted July 22, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 22, 2015 My prescriber asked me if I wanted her to take me off the clonazepam and up the temazepam to 30 mg. I promptly lectured her on cold switching and also noted that temazepam has a shorter half life than K so the T might be harder to taper off of. I was, however, tempted to take her up on her offer as being on one benzo is less psychologically damaging than being on two. Responded in the benzo thread. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 Can someone tell me where the cussing thread is? I can't seem to find it even if I do a search. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted August 4, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 4, 2015 Here you go... It's in the Off-Topic sub forum http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1081-lalochezia-the-cursing-thread/page-12#entry173075 As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 Thank you Skyler. I hope you are well. (((((hugs))))) to you. And thank you for all your help with everything. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 I have so much hatred in my heart right now for everything that's happened it's driving me crazy. And I hate everybody too, especially my mother who treats this like it's a passing phase that will be over soon. My sister doesn't even call me anymore unless she wants to talk about her problems. They just don't get it. The only person who gets it is my husband who sees me suffer everyday, but I have resentment towards him because he is the one who made me go to the hospital and then the doctors forced me to take those Invega shots. Now, he sees how much I am suffering and has vowed not to ever send me to the hospital again. He is also struggling with guilt which I can't really help him with because a part of me feels like I wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for him. I want to tell him he did the best he could based on what he knew at the time and I often do, but just under the surface is resentmemt toward him. On the other hand I love him more than anything in this world. I can honestly say I would rather be sick and be with him than be well and without him. Do you see the paradox? Everything I think about myself is negative and I just can't break away from it. The only things I seem to recall are my failures, missed opportunities, dreams unfulfilled, insulting things people said to me which I should have challenged and of course the trauma that has been my life and these drugs. And I ruminate, ruminate, ruminate, ruminate about every single negative thing that has ever presented itself in my life. The drugs really are starting to drive me crazy. I hurt all over. My body feels like it's on toxic overload; I feel sick, just really, really, really sick. I can barely walk one block without feeling like I'm going to pass out. And my feet. The neuropathic pain that I KNOW is caused by the risperdal is getting worse and worse everyday and moving from my feet to my legs. It used to be that if I ate sugar my feet would hurt. Now, EVERYTHING I eat causes my feet to hurt. They feel like a million bees are stinging them and they pulse, throb and ache ALL DAY LONG. My legs feel like I am carrying around 100 pound weights on each and they are getting weaker and weaker despite the daily walks I struggle through everyday, and I mean struggle. I have a therapist who is very supportive but she's a Pollyanna and most of the time I just feel worse after talking to her. Not because of anything she says (well sometimes because of what she says but I have no problem challenging her whe she gets it wrong) but because I feel trapped in this horror of a mental health system. I don't HAVE to talk to her but I feel like I need an objective sounding board for all the suffering I'm experiencing. She represents something I so hate, despite her support. And my sleep. Well let's just say that every evening at about 7 I start to panic because I know I'll be going to sleep soon. I wake frequently and almost like clockwork--two hours after taking my meds-- I sleep eat a breakfast bar. This started when I started the Temazepam and I can't stop it. I believe temazepam is part benzo and part hypnotic, hence the sleep eating. I wake up again and again and again throughout the night and it feels like I waging war just to get some sleep. I'm exhausted when I wake up for the day and as soon as I wake up my feet start torturing me. That is my life. I know there are others on here who are suffering as badly or worse than I am and my heart goes out to you all. This is an awful way to live and I don't know how much longer I can do it. There are no reserves of hope or energy, there's only the suffering. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I'm so sorry Ada.. You sound like a beautiful person, no need to feel guilt or bad about yourself at all... It's such a hard 'trap'. Xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Thank you Love and Light. I know you are having a difficult time now too so I wish for you healing, strength and peace. I know you have been tinkering with your dose of drugs but I think we just naturally want to do something, anything to try to make ourselves feel better. You will get better. Let yourself stabilize then taper when you think you're able. Much love to you and I'm sending you healing vibes. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Thanks Ada..when I stabilise I'm doing tiny drops no way am going to end up that sick again,, Hugs sx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Good for you. I know slow is the way to go. You'll get there. xoxo 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I'm with you honey. I have the anger and hatred too. It's normal. Let's try and turn all this rage into fuel to survive this. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Adagiooo Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 I'm lonely. I'm frustrated. I'm desperate. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. The pain in my feet is unbearable. The fatigue is unbearable. My mind is not in a good place. And no one is coming to save me. Every adult knows that no one is coming to save you. 2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol 03/04-11/04 Abilify 11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic 6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium. 07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional 10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia 6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted August 14, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 14, 2015 I'm lonely. I'm frustrated. I'm desperate. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. The pain in my feet is unbearable. The fatigue is unbearable. My mind is not in a good place. And no one is coming to save me. Every adult knows that no one is coming to save you. I'm sorry you are still feeling so dreadful. I wish we could come and visit with you real time... so as to give you a great big hug. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
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