Ribs1. Withdrawal hell. On lexapro for 2 months now 1 month off.

[ribs1]

Hello Everyone,

I was going through a tough time and started seeing a therapist.  She convinced me to go to my doctor and ask for an antidepressant.  The doctor convinced me to start 10mg of lexapro.  This was the start of the worst time of my life.

I have never really been depressed before, I was just having a tough time as a result of some stress.

 

While starting lexapro I had more anxiety than I have ever had.  After about a week I started to feel ok.  I went in to see the doctor and he said I should stay on for at least 4-6 weeks to see the benefit.  I listened to him.  After about 4 weeks I pretty much just didn't care about anything.  I was a totally different person.  I didn't care if I went to work or not and my home life was really suffering.  After 8 weeks I decided to go off and followed tapering instructions from my doctor.  I went down to 5mg for a week then 2.5mg for another week.  Then stopped.  I felt good for about a week then it hit me really hard.  I have been suffering for 3 weeks straight now.

 

I have since read the recommendations on this message board and others and I bought the book your drug may be your problem.  I realize that I tapered too fast.  I really do not want to reinstate as I feel that I should limit my exposure and tough it out from this point.

 

This has been pure hell and the absolute worst 3 weeks of my life.  I would like to list the the symptom progression and see what you guys think.

 

Week 1.  Sleeping all the time

Week 2.  Worst depression of my life.  Bone crushing.  I actually told my wife I wanted to leave (love my wife, happily married)

Week 3.  Serious depression subsided.  Lots of anxiety.  Crying spells.  Trouble sleeping

Week 4.  Moderate depression but just can't get motivated to do anything.  Can't push through.  Work suffering, family suffering.

 

Through all of this I am experiencing the terrible morning cortisol spike.  I am waking up 2 hours early and screaming.  

 

The weirdest thing is that I always feel better by the evening.  Sometimes I feel better during other parts of the day.  It feels like windows and waves but on a daily basis.

 

I was only on this poison for 8 weeks and I have been off 4 weeks now.  I really do not want to reinstate as I feel more exposure would do more damage.  What do you guys think?

 

Thanks and glad to be here.

[Karma]

Hi Ribs1

 

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry that you are experiencing this.  It is so sad that doctors rush to drugs when what we need is some support to get through a rough time.

 

I understand that you do not want to reinstate, but as you have discovered your taper was too fast and there is really no such thing as pushing through. The best option is to reinstate at about 50% of your original dose to see if the minimizes your symtpoms.  Once you stabilize on that reinstated dose you can do a slow taper from there.

 

Lexapro does come in a liquid and you may find that easier to taper: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/406-tips-for-tapering-off-lexapro-escitalopram/

 

Karma

[ribs1]

Thanks for the response.  I would really hate to reinstate as I am so afraid of the startup symptoms that I had.  They were actually worse then the withdrawal.

 

Is there any chance that this could subside in only a few weeks?  It seems like I have gone through a lot of the symptoms already.  I had lots of brain zaps last week, but they are mostly gone.  Most of the other physical symptoms seem to be gone too.  Last week was severe depression.  This week is severe anhedonia.

 

With only 8 weeks on, isn't it about limiting exposure at this point?

 

Thanks again.

 

[Jemima]

Thanks for the response.  I would really hate to reinstate as I am so afraid of the startup symptoms that I had.  They were actually worse then the withdrawal.

 

Is there any chance that this could subside in only a few weeks?

 

There is a slim possibility, but chances are you will feel much worse in a few weeks.  I was told to "taper" off Lexapro much the same way that you did and the really severe withdrawal symptoms didn't kick in until six weeks or so later.  I then went through three months of sheer hell that let up only gradually.  I'm now eighteen months out from my last dose of Lexapro and not quite back to normal yet.  The physical symptoms are long gone, but emotional numbing remains.  It's diminishing very slowly, but that has taken the joy and satisfaction out of my life for far too long.

 

It seems like I have gone through a lot of the symptoms already.  I had lots of brain zaps last week, but they are mostly gone.  Most of the other physical symptoms seem to be gone too.  Last week was severe depression.  This week is severe anhedonia.

 

With only 8 weeks on, isn't it about limiting exposure at this point?

 

Thanks again.

 

If I were in your position knowing what I know now, I wouldn't take the chance.  You've already experienced withdrawal symptoms, which is unusual for someone going off an SSRI for the first time.  Usually the first cold turkey or two has little to no effect.

 

It's your choice of course, but here are two topics about tapering, one specifically about Lexapro, and the other about  tapering in general:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/406-tips-for-tapering-off-lexapro-escitalopram/?hl=Lexapro

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

 

And here's another about reinstatement:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

It's important to reinstate within certain time limits and one month is about as long as you can go to be reasonably certain that reinstatement will work.  After that, it becomes more and more risky by the month.

 

It may be that reinstating only a small amount, one or two milligrams, would be enough to stabilize your CNS for now.  A taper off of that would be relatively short.  You can do that by making your tablets into a liquid, like so: 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

 

Welcome to the forum, Ribs.  You'll find lots of solid information and friendly support here.

[ribs1]

I think I will give this a few more days just to see if I can any improvement at all.

 

Right now the worst of my symptoms is insomnia.  I fall asleep just fine but wake up between 3-4 am.

2 weeks ago I was sleeping to much.  

Maybe this will level off.  I didn't really get that morning rush of cortisol today but probably because I was up before it was light out.

 

I feel like if I got a few good nights sleep that I could deal with the other remaining problems.

I am so worried about reinstating as I have been off for 4 weeks already.  I really don't want to take the chance of things getting worse.

I will if I have to tough.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, ribs.

 

Since you were so sensitive to the startup, perhaps 1mg or even 0.5mg Lexapro would be enough to reduce the withdrawal symptoms. You can then taper off by very small amounts. Lexapro comes in a liquid, which can make this easier.

 

The initial alerting reaction was a sign you shouldn't have been on the drug at all, it was too stimulating for you. Some people do not get along with antidepressants at all. If I were you, I'd avoid all serotonergics in the future.

[ribs1]

Thanks for all the responses so far.  I think I will take a few more days before I make a decision.

Right now, it seems like the worst is behind me, although it is still pretty bad.  

These are the strangest symptoms right now.

1.  It comes and goes through out the day.  it seems like I have windows of feeling normal every day.  Sometimes for only a few hours.  Sometimes for half the day or more.  It actually seems to turn on and off like a light switch.

2.  A week ago I was sleeping all day.  Now, I am waking up very early and can't get back to bed.  It seems to swing one way for a week and then back the other way for a week.

 

Right now I feel pretty good.  Just went out and mowed the lawn.  Hopefully this window will last the rest of the day.  I felt terrible this morning though and last night when I couldn't sleep.

[Jemima]

Have you tried keeping the bedroom as dark as possible and/or wearing a sleep mask?  I had terrible insomnia in early withdrawal due to high cortisol levels waking me at the faintest glimmer of light.  I often went for 36 to 48 hours without any sleep at all.  Unlike many people in withdrawal, I didn't feel dread and anxiety upon waking.  Instead I was as irritable as a disturbed grizzly, often flying into rages over small inconveniences.  When I finally figured out it was early morning cortisol levels causing the problem, I pulled the curtains closed, wore a sleep mask, and I began to start getting a decent night's sleep again.  Once that was accomplished, other symptoms began to diminish.

 

I was overall quite sensitive to light and sometimes wore sunglasses even in the house.  Outside, always, and I either didn't drive in the evening or wore amber tinted "sunglasses", which cut headlight glare.

[ribs1]

It is pretty dark in our room but maybe not dark enough.  I might try a sleep mask.

Thanks

[Jemima]

Give it a try. You can probably get one for cheap (under $5) at any drugstore.

[Karma]

Hi Ribs

 

When I suspected cortisol causing some issues in the morning I used a bandana folded up into a head band and tied around my head so that it covered my eyes ... I didn't think it would make a difference because at that time of year I got up before first light anyway, but it did make a difference and I wore it for about a month or so until my sleep and waking patterns normalized.

 

Karma

[ribs1]

Hello,

Just an update.  I am so tired of these symptoms changing day to day.  Now I have full blown insomnia.  I didn't sleep a wink last night and only slept 3 hours the night before.  I am going a little crazy here.  Most of my other symptoms are easing though.  All I need is a good night sleep right now.

[Jemima]

Have you tried the sleep mask or bandana?

[ribs1]

Hello,

I went out and bought a sleep mask yesterday and some melatonin.  I used Benadryl the night before but don't really like the side effects.

Melatonin seemed to work and I fell asleep just fine.  I was also pleased that the sleep mask didn't bother me.  I woke up a couple times and fell back to sleep but still had the rushes of cortisol and finally woke up for good at 4:45am.

 

I wonder how much longer this will persist.  Most of my other symptoms are gone or have greatly subsided.  It feels like I will be in much better shape if this cortisol thing levels out.

[Altostrata]

Sounds good, ribs. Early-morning waking is "normal" in withdrawal. You may wish to further darken your bedroom with light-blocking shades or drapes to reduce light stimulation, which even your skin can sense.

[ribs1]

Sounds good, ribs. Early-morning waking is "normal" in withdrawal. You may wish to further darken your bedroom with light-blocking shades or drapes to reduce light stimulation, which even your skin can sense.

Thanks for the reply.  In your experience, is this symptom likely to come and go?  I really need a break for just 1 or 2 nights.  I am not sure if I can take this for much longer.  Another night or 2 of this and I might have to go inpatient.  I am going crazy.

I just need some encouragement.  I saw the psychiatrist yesterday and they just want to figure out a new med for me.  They don't really believe that this is withdrawal.

Thanks for the reply.

[Altostrata]

You have to be patient and work with these non-drug interventions. It will gradually get better.

 

Some people find significant benefit just from darkening the room and wearing the sleep mask. See the Symptoms and Self-care forum for more suggestions.

[Karma]

Hi Ribs

 

If you feel you cannot wait out the non-drug interventions, then I would suggest reinstating a small dose ... Alto suggested 1 mg to 0.5 mg ... of your previous med to see if your symptoms resolve.  Switching to another med isn't going to relieve the withdrawals from the initial drug.  I would suggest that you avoid going inpatient because in that setting you won't have control over how many or what drugs they load you up with ... and then you have to figure out how to get off of all of those drugs.

 

It is unfortunate that doctors are not aware of withdrawals.

 

Karma

[ribs1]

Doing slightly better today. (slightly)

These cortisol rushes have been going on now 5 days now.  I guess it is just slightly better.

Please tell me this will improve more.  

 

I miss going to bed whenever I want and sleeping for as long as I want.

This sucks.

[tezza]

Hi Ribs,

 

It will get better but no one knows how long it may take. It differs among people. I'm very sorry you're suffering so.

 

I was used to going to bed and getting up "whenever", too. I guess most of us were. I'm usually able to get back to sleep, now. Once in a while I have a bad night.

 

I reinstated my med to make most of the symptoms go away, especially the early morning waking.

 

If you decide to reinstate a small amount, sooner is better than later.

 

I hope you feel better soon!

[ribs1]

Hello,

Still waking up at 4am with the high cortisol.  Melatonin is working to fall asleep but not to stay asleep.

Thinking about trying Seriphos.  Good idea?  Or really bad?

Thanks

[Karma]

Hi Ribs

 

Here is a link to a discussion on how to reduce cortisol both rx and natural - there is a discussion about seriphos in here.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1852-how-to-reduce-cortisol-both-rx-and-natural/.

 

I've used PS from time to time with success, but others have had a paradoxical reaction to it.  If you try it start small with 100 mg.  Here is a discussion on experiences with seriphos http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3999-seriphos-recommended-dosage/?hl=seriphos

 

Karma

[tezza]

I take 100 mg each night. Like Karma said, some it helps, others it doesn't.