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I think I'm going to have to stop coming here for a while


magpie
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No offense to the site coordinators.  I've been browsing SSRI withdrawal sites (this and PP) for about a week now and I know that it's time I took a good break, because there are far too many horrific tales of people not getting better, even after years.  Today, I even felt a bit suicidal because of it.  Problem is, I have such OCD-like symptoms in withdrawal, I find myself coming back to login and put myself through even more torture.  Just can't seem to stop myself.  It's like I'm manic about it.

 

I just don't see much of a bright future for me, and I have two children and a loving spouse.  This is so not fair to them.  I'd do myself in, but then my daughter rushes to my arms and says she loves me.  I just can't take it, you know?

 

I'd do better to stay away from these sites for a while... but I can't seem to. Disabling my internet is not an option, unfortunately. 

 

 

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I had to do this too a couple of months (weeks?) ago. Reading all the stories just got me down. But when I needed to pour out my feelings and frustrations, I logged back on and saw things with fresh eyes. People were writing of improvements in their lives (not all were) and posting here again (and just reading) somehow helped.

 

We are all here for you when you need us. Do what you need to do for YOU. We've all been there too :)

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I know what you mean, it can be oddly addicting! I have to restrict myself now and again because I just sit here 

refreshing pages. It's nice to see when people are feeling better though and to offer a word when someone is suffering.

Somehow that makes me feel useful sometimes. And it is always nice to get a friendly comment from people who

know how it is and don't judge. I do have to drag my self away though and shut the laptop, then shove it under the chair!! 

Don't stay away too long, let us know how you are doing. x

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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It's nice to see when people are feeling better though and to offer a word when someone is suffering.

Somehow that makes me feel useful sometimes. And it is always nice to get a friendly comment from people who

know how it is and don't judge.

 

You are so right! Just knowing that others feel the same is such a comfort to me. And a comment on someone's thread is so welcome. The human touch does what all the pills in the world cannot - even though in my case, I once needed them. Words on a screen mean so much!

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Magpie,

 

Keep in mind that there are people who discontinue these drugs without significant difficulty or need to seek out forums such as this one. The stories you're reading are the ones who've had the worst times but are making their way through it, not going back to additional drugs.

 

I do understand your feelings. I've been here a long time (tapered far too fast) and during my one window last spring, tended to naturally stay away and seek outside activities.

 

That said, do whatever you need to best help your frame of mind!

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Hi Magpie

 

I know exactly what you mean.  I did the same thing when I first found this tie.  I read every thread, every update and kept checking back for more.  I did become frightened by all of the tragic stories ... but this OCD-type behavior is part of your withdrawal and it will pass.

 

Someone pointed out to me, as Barb has for you, that people who don't have problems weaning these drugs don't come to these sites to post because they don't need the community or the support.  In addition, we find that when people start to feel better they move on and don't come back and post their success stories ... so you need to remind yourself to have perspective.

 

Now, when I first found this site I was suffering some intense withdrawal symptoms.  I had never felt that anxious or unsure in my life.  But here I am nearly 2 years later and I am slowly weaning off of my AD and I can actually write of feeling joyful, balanced and calm.  I don't feel that way all of the time, but I do get there and have sustained periods of feeling well. 

 

If you need to take a break, please do so.  But please give yourself cut yourself some slack and realize that what you are experiencing is part of withdrawal and that as you stabilize it will pass.

 

Love and light,

Karma

2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax

200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg
Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 mg; 1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg
Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor


I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers

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magpie...I checked out of withdrawal boards very early on and didn't come back for a long time...

 

I think it's a good call.

 

you can come back if and when it feels like it's helpful...or when you need particular information...

 

trust yourself always.

 

best to you

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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Hello- Im not sure if youre still around, but I just wanted to say "hi" and offer some support.  Reading your initial post, I feel sorry that the responses arent all that gentle.  

I just want to say that I am honestly feeling much better now, after dealing with withdrawal for almost two years.  Im finally off of meds and am in no pain.  My sleep is not back to normal, but Im certainly sleeping better than I was initially.  My life is close to back to normal and now Im learning to eal with my anxiety without the drugs and trying to cope with any underlying medical issues/imbalances.  

Im tired, but Im strong.  Improving little by little the entire time... (little setbacks here and there, but moving forward all the while).  

 

I hope you can find some positive support in a way that is healthy for you.  Being on these forums can definitely get overwhelming.  

2003-2010 up and down 10-40mg celexa for anxiety
2/2011 10mg
8/2011 5mg for 3 wks, then stopped completely.
middle of night waking after apx 1-2 hours of sleep (nightly), panic/jitteriness after waking
11/11 back on 30mg celexa, ambien/many supplements-insomnia/panic.
2/12 30mg celexa, many supplements (Magnesium eliminated morning tight chest/jitteriness). Off ambien!
7/12 20mg
8/12 15 mg(sleep improving,mood pos)
12/12 2.3 mg got liquid celexa!
1/13 2.1 mg
3/13 1.2 mg
4/13 down to .6 too quickly- cortisol spikes, middle of night waking, night sweats...
4/13 held at .6 for 3 weeks so far. Off most supplements as well. Withdrawal depression almost gone!

7/13 OFF OF CELEXA!!!

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I can definitely relate! I drop out from time to time myself. 

 

I've been doing this so long that I've seen many people improve, though. It's not always super direct--it's more like if you follow their course over time, they start out miserable, then they gradually improve albeit with ups and downs, then you can watch them taper, and then they start posting some more hopeful-sounding posts, and then they generally disappear from the boards, which I consider a good sign.  

 

Well, maybe I'm reaching, but to me those are success stories. I've seen a lot of them.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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To follow up with Rhi...and what others said too...

 

The boards really do attract those of us who get the very sickest. It's not a very good representation of everyone who comes off drugs...in fact those who come off with little or no problem the boards really don't hear much about.

 

Because I have a blog that draws in the entire mental health population I've always been very well aware of the very large percentage of folks who don't have a whole lot of problems and who recover and thrive and move on...

 

So yeah, it's good to have a larger perspective and it's really not good to believe that what goes on here is representative of everyone. 

 

If you need some recovery stories to look at all these folks were once on drugs and they're doing GOOD:

 

http://beyondmeds.com/recovery-stories/

 

peace to you! 

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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Hi Magpie,

 

I hope you are feeling better.  I find this site helpful in that I can post my meds and document how I am feeling.  The best advice that I have received from this site, is to taper off meds gradually.  In a crisis such as suicidal thoughts and severe mania, it is important to know that drugs are there to help.  However,  I do not believe in taking these drugs for the rest of my life on a daily basis as psychiatrists have advised.  I believe in short term use over long term use.  The side effects are real, even though the psychiatrists try to down play their danger.  I don't feel I should have been encouraged to take drugs for 30 plus years.  If there is a need for medication, that can be accepted for the duration of the illness.

2013:   (Aug) Lamictal: 75 mg (Since 2003: 25 mg  - 200 mg or more while hospitalized)

2013:  Mental Health Advance Directive completed (which I recommend to others for their own protection)

 

2011:  Last hospitalization:  Lamictal, Geodon, Trazadone, Celexa (even though caused me to become mania, I was given this in hospital), Prolixon (made my arms swing and my right side paralized for several minutes until I received an antidote to the poison) Prolixon also caused 6 months of toe twitching)

 

Celexa: caused me to become manic to the point of hospitalization above

Lamictal: since about 2003

Previously:  Lithium (gave me current disease, hypothyroidism, for which I take Levoxyl) Depakote, Wellbutrim, Paxil

 

Early Adulthood:  Thorazine, Trazadine, Stellazine, Haldol

 

Recommended video that has put me to sleep anytime:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqLzR7gLQmw

 

Recommended video to heal thyself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvF7m4gUi3o

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