☼ mtnbkr intro: grand mal seizure = no more psych meds

[Altostrata]

I'm grateful you're doing so well, mtnbkr. When you're fully recovered, don't forget us -- come back and post your success story!

[mtnbkr]

I will DEFINITELY post a success story when I actually get through this.  I'm a long ways away still, and certainly not out of the woods, but no worries about me forgetting. 

 

Actually, I'm trying to figure out how I can best make a difference moving forward.  There are some attorneys in California who are successfully suing nursing homes for improperly administering psych meds to their elderly patients - sometimes without informed consent, sometimes without MD approval.  They might have some ideas re how to go after big pharma in a way that will get some real attention.  I plan to contact them early next year.  And there's a non-profit advocacy group for elders which has put a lot of effort into reducing the use of psych meds in the institutionalized elderly.  Right now, I'm just mulling over a bunch of thoughts re possibly jump-starting an effort re education, litigation, or changed laws.  Until I come up with a better plan, I'll make a difference one person at a time, by sharing my story and experiences.

 

I'm so grateful to all of the administrators and organizers of this site.  The information and support has eased the pain of going through this ordeal.

[Altostrata]

Your doctor is a better target re the grand mal episode. Pharma companies are pretty well protected from injury suits by passing responsibility to doctors re warnings on labels.

[mtnbkr]

The new year is right around the corner, and I'm impatient to have these meds and the withdrawal behind me so that I can focus on the next steps in healing my life.  In my heart, I know I've got to take the time to do this right.  But I don't want to.  I want to be childish, stomp my feet, and have everything fixed now.  I want to get my life back on track. 

 

My health has really stabilized since slowing my Prozac taper down to a 2.5mg drop every 3-4 weeks. On Friday, I was scheduled to make another dose reduction. I've been thinking about it for quite a while, and I and decided to see if I could tolerate a slightly larger drop. I reduced by 5.0mg instead of only 2.5mg. So far, no trouble, but it's too early to know for sure. I'm watching it very closely, listening to my body. I'll increase by a smidge if any WD sympoms develop.

 

If I can tolerate this drop, I hope to make my next reduction at the same rate then return to the slower rate again as I get closer to the end of the meds.

 

Keeping my fingers crossed.

-mtnbkr.

[mtnbkr]

After hitting "post", I read over a handful of my prior entries.  How quickly we forget our pain and suffering when we're on the other side of it. It seems stupid to have increased my taper rate when all was going FINE at the slower rate.  WHAT was I thinking???  I was simply in a rush. I might get away with the bigger drop, but it was a completely unnecessary risk.

 

Just sayin'.

 

I gotta remember to keep it slow.  And then remind myself again.  Slow.

 

Aaarg!!! I hate slow.

 

-mtnbkr.

[Petunia]

From someone who tapered too fast, stopped too soon, in protracted withdrawal.... and too late to reinstate:

 

A long slow taper is better because while you are still tapering, you have some control over how and when you experience withdrawal symptoms as your body/nervous system heals in response to the changing levels of drug its getting.

 

Once we are down to 0mg, if there is still more repair work the body needs do, its going to do it according to its own schedule with no consideration for us or our plans.  I didn't know any of this when I quit Lexapro, if I had, I would have tapered over 2 years rather than 2 months.

[mtnbkr]

Well, I seem to have caught a break.  The increased drop earlier this month did not cause any trouble.  And I'm just into the first days of an equivalent drop, still without trouble.  I'm very excited to be down to ONE PILL!!!!!! Yay!!!!!  It seems like just yesterday that I was taking a handful of pills.  Now, just one. 

 

I'm going to hold here for a bit because I'll be facing some loss and turmoil in my life in the next 6-8 weeks as I begin bankruptcy proceedings.  It's likely that I'll have to move, which will be disruptive and time consuming, but not the end of the world.  What really worries me is that it's unlikely that I can find an affordable rental that will allow me to keep my dog.  She brings me so much comfort and love. She makes me laugh and smile, and she makes it easy to strike up casual conversations when I'm out and about with her.  Life will be really, really lonely without her beside me. None of my friends or family can take her in, but I've been in touch with the local rescue group for this breed, and they expect that they can find a new family for her in about a week since she doesn't have health or behavior problems.  It breaks my heart to even think about it.  I keep hoping that things will fall into place so that I can keep her.... I won't know until I get there, but since I have time to plan I'm trying to make sure I have contingencies in place.

 

The holidays have been better this year, but still tough.  I need to re-establish some deeper connections with people as I heal.  I miss the intimacy that I've had in the past.

 

Cheers to all!!  Ring in the New Year with Optimism and a Smile.

-Mtnbkr.

[Nikki]

Hooray for you Bask in your accomplishment.  Give yourself a well deserved pat on the back...this is great news.

 

We have a few days for our New Year Resolutions and you have already made one....get back to having relationships.

You will.

 

About your dog.  You may very well find a place that will take a dog.  Look for a rental that does.  Keep that as the focus of your finding a place.  Alot of people are sharing apartments/condos to keep rent down.  Bankruptcy is not a bad thing.  It will help you get out of a financial hole.

 

When I lost my job in 2009 I had credit card bills.  They gave me a hard time about reducing payments and that ruins credit scores.  Like a knucklehead I paid them each off in four payments.  I took a huge chunk out of my savings and it damaged my credit even though I paid them off! 

 

In a short time I was able to rebuild credit, however I have not been able to put that money back into my savings.  In hind sight I should have filed for bankruptcy. 

 

Don't worry you will rebuild your credit.  You will have more intimate relationships and you will do what you can to find a place where pets are allowed.  Keep moving forward.  Can you take in a room-mate?

 

I am so sorry that you have had to go thru the grief of thinking about your dog...I will send alot of prayers your way that you find suitable housing for you and your dog.

 

Hugs

[mtnbkr]

Thanks, Nikki!! 

[mtnbkr]

A few thoughts and comments...

 

Random Moods:  I woke up on the 26th with the blues.  I didn't want to see or talk to or interact with anyone.  The mood lasted all day. I didn't leave the house. When I went to bed that night, it was still with me.  Then, I woke up on the 27th with a smile on my face.  Just happy.  Plain old happy.  I was able to get up.  Get out.  Stay busy. And enjoy the day. And THAT mood lasted all day.  On Saturday, I was cranky and grouchy.  I wanted to tell everyone I met just what they were doing wrong in their lives.  For some reason, it was just really tough to be nice yesterday.  A few times, I couldn't help it and was a bit of an ass to people.  Oh well.  I have no idea what the difference was.  Maybe hormones.  It wasn't severe enough to be WD symptoms.  But the feelings were still quite unconnected with anything that I could see was going on in my life.  It was kind of like a 24-hour flu - but instead of the flu, it was 24-hour random mood swings.  LOL.  Still, it's better than WD.

 

Improved Quality of Sleep:  I've been given an unexpected gift which corresponds with my last medication drop.  I'm suddenly sleeping much better than I have in years.  All week, I've fallen asleep within15-30 minutes of laying down, and I've slept soundly, only waking up briefly, 5-10 times during the night.  I'm so grateful for this rest.  It's so much more restorative than the "sleep" I got while on higher doses of meds. 

 

Holidays and New Year:  So very glad that the holidays are behind me.  I worry every year about getting through them.  And in a few days we get to start a new year.  A new beginning with hopes and dreams and goals to look forward to.  I've been putting together a written list of what I hope to see in the next year of my life.  I haven't been able to do that for quite some time.  It's exciting.  Maybe I'll post the list here.  Maybe I'll just print it out an put it on the bathroom mirror.  I'll wait and see how I feel.

 

Hugs and Smiles and Healing to all of you!

-Mtnbkr

[Altostrata]

Good to hear you're sleeping better. Seems that Prozac was always too stimulating for you.

 

If I were you, I'd reduce the amount of taper right now to avoid destabiizing sleep. A 5mg reduction is way too much. I suggest you think in terms of 1mg reductions, or less.

[mattinsmom]

Hi

 

Please tell me how things are going with your housing search. Have you had any luck finding a place that will accept dogs? Have you looked into foster care? You might find someone willing to "house" your dog for you without you having to give her up. I'm across the country or I would offer. 

 

Bankruptcy was one of the bests gifts I've ever given myself. I saw it as a chance to start over, another shot. It was very humbling to stand in front of the judge to have it filed and accepted but you know what, he was so kind. It was over in less then 2-minutes. My lawyer even managed to negotiate a lower interest rate on my mortgage and I hadn't even thought to ask for that. So much stress disappeared that day. Like I said, for me, it was a gift. As for credit - I had credit card/car loan offers in the mail in less than a month. Of course they were insanely high rates. I did get a discover card and I use it for gas and therapy. I pay it off every month. My credit was fine within a year. 

 

Also know that hormones mess with things like cognition, mood, memory, even balance. You are dealing with multiple factors right now. Be kind to you. I would love to see some of the things on your list. I'm looking for ideas!

 

Be well

 

You have my admiration at how true you've been to listening to your needs. Hang in there. 

[mattinsmom]

How are you?

[Nikki]

ditto.....

[mtnbkr]

Hello to all of my SA friends.  I'm way overdue for an update, so here it is.

 

I have been on a long hold at 10mg Prozac.  And it's been fabulous.  My moods are stable.  I'm working fairly regular hours. And I'm getting my life in order.  I feel so blessed to have recovered so much of my health.  And I finally feel ready to tackle getting off of the last of the Prozac.  Keeping my fingers crossed for an uneventful, and final, taper. 

 

Although I had expected to be filing for bankruptcy at the beginning of the year, I had to wait until my CPA finished my business and personal taxes, which, unfortunately, he didn't get to until 4/15.  Then I had a bunch of other issues to take care of, and had to put it off again.  Hopefully, that'll be moving forward in the next 2 months or so.  In the meantime, I haven't had to move or give up my dog - two wonderful gifts, even if temporary.

 

That's all for now.  I wish you all peace and recovery.

Smiles,

mtnbkr.

 

 

[Petunia]

Hi mtnbkr,

Thanks for the update, it sounds like you are doing really well its great that you are feeling stable enough to continue with your taper.  Take it really slowly and if you do have to face some stressful changes in a few months, then you could hold again, if you wanted to.

 

Petu.

[mtnbkr]

Today is the 1-year anniversary of my seizure.  I'm off all psych meds and off BC pills.  It's REALLY awesome to not take any pills.  I take vitamins and other supplements, but they're not meds and I don't HAVE to take them.  FREEDOM!!  That's what I've earned in getting off of these meds. 

 

I wish I could say that my problems have been solved and that life is great.  But it's not.  It's real.  I still have problems.  I'm emotional.  And lonely.  And sometimes I really feel lost.  And sometimes I cry and cry.  And I'm sad about the life I didn't have - the one that I dreamed of.  But, I'm NOT depressed. There's no black cloud hanging over me.  It's just me waking up, and processing the grief and the emotions that were blunted by taking the psych meds.

 

And when I'm feeling sad, I just let it wash over me.  I don't panic.  I don't try to fix it.  I just accept it.  And know that it's the flip side of the joy that I'll feel when the pain passes.  At least that's how I try to handle it.  Sometimes it's quite a struggle.  It's hard when I'm in that dark spot to believe that it will get better. 

 

What a lesson this past year has been.

 

So many lessons in this life.

[Altostrata]

What an excellent update! Do you feel ready to post a Success Story topic?

[mattinsmom]

Congratulations!

You are absolutely a success story.

[mtnbkr]

Sad news to post today. Fourteen months after my first seizure, and three months into my Rx-free life, and last week I had another grand mal seizure. This one apparently lasted nearly five minutes.  Another ambulance ride, and an afternoon in the ER.  The docs are now labeling me as epileptic, and they're telling me that I have to take anti-seizure meds in order to keep my driving privileges.

 

They've started me on Keppra. It makes me tired (which isn't bad since I've struggled with insomnia forever), and it makes me depressed. All that hard work to get off of SSRI's, which I DON'T need to stay on as I'm not actually depressed anymore, and now I may get put right back on SSRI's because of the side effects from the Keppra which they say I HAVE to take, and which is apparently better than the other options out there.  

 

I'm hoping that the side effects will resolve on their own, but right now I'm not feeling too optimistic.

 

I need to learn a lot more about what's happening in my brain and what my options are going forward. If any of you has relevant experience or suggested reading materials or referrals, they'd be greatly appreciated.

 

Frustrated and Discouraged and Very Blue,

-mtnbkr.

[Meimeiquest]

I am so sorry, and then more sorry. I remember how hard you've worked. The main thing I have heard of alternatively is a ketone in diet, don't know how that would go over with those who control your driving privileges. Also, I think a really thorough search for the cause would be important. At epilepsy.com they mentioned a sleep study being important. I would think with your insomnia history it would be even more important. Please keep us posted!

[Altostrata]

Sorry to hear that, mtnbkr. Are you seeing an epilepsy specialist?

 

I would not add an antidepressant to Keppra. Just because it's called an "antidepressant" doesn't mean it can counter adverse effects from another drug. Rather, I would explore a slightly lower dose of Keppra.

 

Avoid drug cocktails if you possibly can.

[mattinsmom]

I'm sorry. 

[btdt]

Sad news to post today. Fourteen months after my first seizure, and three months into my Rx-free life, and last week I had another grand mal seizure. This one apparently lasted nearly five minutes.  Another ambulance ride, and an afternoon in the ER.  The docs are now labeling me as epileptic, and they're telling me that I have to take anti-seizure meds in order to keep my driving privileges.

 

They've started me on Keppra. It makes me tired (which isn't bad since I've struggled with insomnia forever), and it makes me depressed. All that hard work to get off of SSRI's, which I DON'T need to stay on as I'm not actually depressed anymore, and now I may get put right back on SSRI's because of the side effects from the Keppra which they say I HAVE to take, and which is apparently better than the other options out there.  

 

I'm hoping that the side effects will resolve on their own, but right now I'm not feeling too optimistic.

 

I need to learn a lot more about what's happening in my brain and what my options are going forward. If any of you has relevant experience or suggested reading materials or referrals, they'd be greatly appreciated.

 

Frustrated and Discouraged and Very Blue,

-r.

Hello mtbkr... it has been a few months and that is enough time to know how your doing on the seizure meds I am sorry I did not see your post or I would have talked to you about it then. 

There was a time I don't recall the years but post prozac I was having some issues and I could not sort out what was going on a doc I had decided we would call them experiences and after awhile and some inconclusive testing he  decided it was a possible seizure issue.. so I tried those drugs too just for the H of it ... a couple different ones and then I stopped taking them.. one caused a lot of trouble just now I can't recall the names just now but I will.   

I looked up your drug cause I am like that.. I don't know this one.  For anyone else who may want to look I will make it easy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levetiracetam

 

I was wondering if you would please update as to how you are doing now. 

Peace B

[JanCarol]

hey mtnbkr - 

 

How are you?  Have you settled on a dose of the Keppra?  Did you consider Alto's suggestion that a lower dose of Keppra might be enough?

 

Also - you are in California, there may be a medical cannabis - low THC (mind altering) high CBD (anti-seizure, anti-inflammatory) that might help you.  They use it in children.  All the videos I've seen show this is more effective in controlling seizures, and has fewer side effects.

 

Have you had any more seizures?  Does the Keppra control them?  Please let us know how you are doing.

 

I hope you see the sun today.

[mtnbkr]

Success Story

 

I haven’t been on the forum for a few years, but I wanted to post an update to encourage everyone who’s struggling right now. 

For me, it was a lot of work with a very slow taper, but I successfully got off and have stayed off of Wellbutrin and Prozac. I’ve been antidepressant free for about five years now.  And, last year my docs agreed to take me off hormones that I had taken to help control PMDD with suicidal thoughts.   
 

I’ve been able to handle my moods, and some suicidal episodes without meds, and I will never, never, NEVER again agree to take antidepressants.

 

We can do it!! Stick with your slow, slow tapers and follow the invaluable advice on this forum. I couldn’t have gotten through the withdrawals without the support of the members on here. I will be forever grateful.

 

Sending support, love and blessings to all of you. ❤️

Edited September 9, 2021 by ChessieCat
Clarifications / cc added topic title before merging to intro

[ChessieCat]

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[ChessieCat]

Thank you for returning to update us.  Congratulations on being psychiatric drug free!  That is great news.  I'm sure that the SA members would love to read more details of your story.  It can be very encouraging for SA members who are currently tapering.