Serious difficulty with writing

[UnfoldingSky]

I wondered if anyone else is having this problem?I am at a loss for what to do about this.

 

When I first reacted to drugs and developed severe withdrawal issues, writing became a much more difficult undertaking than it had been.  However, I could manage to get my general point across if I worked very hard at it.  I had enough understanding of what it was that I wanted to say, and enough motivation to say it, that I somehow persevered even if it was a struggle.

 

Over time, this has been changing.  I'm gradually losing motivation to write, and the relative clarity I had in early withdrawal.  Gradually it seems I have lost my ability to understand what constitutes proper sentence structure.  I often can't even remotely remember how to spell, and my grammar is a mess. 

 

Even worse, though, is a more recent inability to completely realize what it is I am trying to say.  I start off wanting to write about one thing and then wander around from one topic to another until finally I forget the point of what I set out to do.  Then later I remember what I wanted to say, but by the time I sit down again to write it out, it's gone again.

 

This is getting to be impossibly upsetting.  There are a number of people I need to contact via email and I keep putting this off out of fear of not making sense.  I find that I now actively avoid a lot of writing; even writing a birthday card can be a big problem.

 

I also find I have no follow through with writing something.  I might write something one day, and then the next day start writing something on a similar subject, because I can't easily pick up where I left off on the other piece of writing.  I can't synthesize information at all now.  I can't sum it up, I have to re-read it over and over again and it doesn't stick well even when I do this.  So I wind up starting from scatch over and over again.

 

I'm so angry about this.  I know quite well it is because of the drugs I took, as they profoundly affected my memory.  For a while I had accepted what happened to me, as I did find some good in what happened.  But now I seem to be back at square one; angry that this happened, not accepting, etc...

 

I am also wondering if this is linked to a more recent problem.  I seem to have developed chronic fatigue.  I was half expecting this.  I had assumed that since my nervous system was in a severe state of agitation for three years, the only logical thing to come after that would be a crash.  Total burnout.  And that seems to be what has happened.

 

I'm not sure what to do about it though.  With memory loss it's very difficult to map out a strategy and stick to it, even if one exists.  And over time I've grown very tired of having to solve all of this on my own. 

 

I feel like I am just going to fade away. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Nikki]

You are not alone, believe me.  Spelling and writing are problems for alot when WDing.  You said you got off Celexa.  (I am in the process) and memory, spelling and recall go right out the window after a drop in dose.....

 

You did mention there were numerous other drugs in the mix.  That would probably add to it.

 

I have found that reading is good.  It stimulates my mind into recapturing words.

 

Hang in there

[Meimeiquest]

Not to minimize your issues at all, but you both had very nicely written emails. I am starting to have anxiety-avoidance of my charting at work, leading to having to bring it home. It's like a kaleidoscope of issues.

[mtnbkr]

I'm sorry that you're struggling to express yourself.  I, too, am strugglind with writing - it takes HOURS to get out even a simple e-mail -- I have to write and re-write and re-write to get a point across. And the slightest bit of stress exacerbates it. It might be nothing more another manifestation of the generlized confusion, memory-impairment, and brain fog that WD is causing, but it's distressing nonetheless.

 

I find it's helpful to know that others have had these symptoms and that with time they resolve.  Thanks for sharing your experience and for reaching out.  Hang in there, my friend. 

 

-Mtnbkr.

[theelt712]

Forgive me if this is not related but I hope it is at least tangental to the topic. I am just now getting my ability to properly form sentences and express my thoughts correctly, metaphorically, and deeply through writing...this is at almost 4 months off. There is hope.

[mtnbkr]

Forgive me if this is not related but I hope it is at least tangental to the topic. I am just now getting my ability to properly form sentences and express my thoughts correctly, metaphorically, and deeply through writing...this is at almost 4 months off. There is hope.

Thank you for that information. Yes....hope.

[Sparrow]

I have this trouble too. It can take me an hour to compose a simple reply to a post or email. Type-delete-type-delete-type-give up.

[UnfoldingSky]

Thank you to everyone here for responding, and sorry for the late reply.  As usual I have been struggling to respond.  In a sense I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem but being that it's not fun I'm sorry you all are experiencing it as well. 

 

Nikki--I'm curious to know if you are finding it clears up near the time you are about to drop the dose again.  I had to c/t off Celexa so it would be interesting to know just how severe this symptom is for someone doing a proper taper.  I've try to read, and I can manage it sometimes, but I find now I have to be very interested in what I am reading or I can't concentrate.  I'm glad it helps you. 

 

Meimeiquest--Thank you, you made me feel a tiny bit better, though I struggled to write this post.  Avoidance. Yes.  It gets so frustrating doesn't it?  I knew things were bad when I started putting off writing birthday cards.  Last time I wanted to say to the recipient: "Here's a card, just fill in what you would imagine I'd say."

 

mtnbkr--Sorry you're in the same boat, and thank you for the encouragement.  I hope things improve quickly for you as well.

 

theelt712--Very good to hear!  Thanks for chiming in!

 

Sparrow--It can take me that long or longer, and I get to the give up phase all too often even after struggling for a long time. Hopefully this starts turning around soon for you, and everyone else still suffering with it.