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How to behave correctly with a suffering person. This is important. Please.


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Well, I absolutely hate having to do this. I don't want to give lessons about this. I don't want to know that lessons must be given. People should not have to be educated about this. It should be natural, for god's sake. But I see things and I can't let harm being done. Things must be said.Respect the suffering of other people. This means that you must let it be. Don't try to solve it. You can't. You can just assist.  If you can do anything that can ease the suffering or help the person getting over it, Do it. Assist this person. It means striving to understand what he/she needs to get through and give it to him/her. Not giving yourself what you need to get through his/her suffering.. This is negation. This is harm. This is ****.

An exemple, very common on this site: telling that it will get better. It can be useful, but it has to be very well formulated. Do you know what you are doing when you tell this? You are talking about a future you ignore but you want to see because it is convenient for you, and thus ignore a present that needs to be seen  to be given what is convenient for his/her person. The person you are talking to is in his/her sh*tty present. Not in your convenient future. Don't protect yourself against his/her suffering. Accept it. Because this is what is going on. Solving  is a way of negating a problem that you are afraid of. Don't lean on yourself when you believe you are leaning on the person. Lean on where he/she is. Lean on what he/she feels. Lean on what he/she is. This is the subject. How can you give back a good paper if you are off the subject? 

Now you know what to focus on, here is what to do. There are two fundamental needs. Two fundamental Goods that must be done.

The first one simply consists in making available to the person everything that can ease his/her suffering or enabe he/she to get over it, as I have already said. Even yourself (in the limits of your capacity and stability of course), if necessary. This is a goddamn emergency.

The second one is even more important. Suffering needs catering. But it  needs .acknowledgement too. Of its existence AND its importance. There is a ******* person behind it, who needs love and recognition. So, when you are with a suffering one, your biggest duty is, even before trying to do something, to give him/her a sense of recognition of its existence and importance through the recognition of the existence and importance. of his/her suffering.

 

I would like to make a concrete guide about how to speak to a suffering person, but I am not able to do so at the moment. I will just give an example that countain " you'll get better", to show you the proper way to do thngs:

"You seem to be in great suffering and your distress deeply moves me. I know it doesn't change anything to your pain, but there is a place in my heart that is dedicated to you. Things can get better, and I would like you to feel better so much. This is what you deserve, and if you can't believe it, it's nothing, I will believe it for you :) . But please, do everything you can to make things the least painful for you. Please, also know that I am willing to do anything that I can to ease . Just ask. I am here for you. I don't know who you are but I don't need it to love you."

 

True compassion has the humility  to acknoledge its helplessness and not to have the pretention to solve a suffering that must be let been to be respected, while discretely showing your thougtful presence. The one who practices compassion moves back, while remaining there. He/she renounces to understand and solve. He/she allows and loves.Acess to the Other and his/her Good is only possible in the most complete humility, in the consience that nothing that comes from yourself can be effective, and is even negating and injuring. So as not to negate the other, you must have the courage, and even the decency, to temporarily negate yourself. Tune your being to the very specific frequency ot the being in front of you. Try to vibrate on his/hers. Not yours. 

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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I approve of the message which suffers from the lecturing tone, sadly.

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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Yes I am aware of that. It is a shame if it harms the message.. Hope at least it doesn't abuse. This is my nature but if it abuses somebody in anyway, then he must tell me, because then i would force myself to be smoother. 

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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