☼ Mattinsmom: update

[mattinsmom]

Hi

 

My name is Amy. I am 45 and  I've been medicated in one way or another since I was 6. Here I am almost 40-years later and and have said "enough" with all the medication. Dysfunctional childhood is a given and the details don't matter. The fall-out of all of it is that I am on psychiatric medication that I do not want to be on. I have tried to discontinue meds in the past, antidepressants specifically, and was unsuccessful. I learned late of things like "rebound" though I feel a bit stupid for having never considered that. I believe I have carried almost every "diagnosis" possible at one time or another. I've been in the process of rule-out and am down to complex PTSD (I feel most appropriate) and bipolar (I feel is questionable).  

 

I have put a lot of time and effort into creating an environment that will help me to be successful. I have a supportive network of my family, psychologist, chiropractor, primary care physician, and I have started neurotherapy. I meditate, exercise, and do yoga (not often enough). I am a practicing shaman and have a community of support there as well. I don't smoke or drink but my diet could use a little tweaking   What I do not have is a supportive psychiatrist or a community of people who have been there/are there/done that. I'm hoping to find that here.

 

I am 5-days in to a drop of Lamictal. I'm not sure that I have chosen the best order of discontinuation of my medications. I think they are listed at the bottom but they are :

400mg Lamictal (decreased to 350mg on October 9th)

300mg Wellbutrin

2mg Lorazapam +1prn (I rarely, as in every few months, take the prn)

 

My psychiatrist won't help me, long story. I'm weeding through information on GAMA/glutamate connections and now wondering if Lamictal was the best place to start. I chose to start with Lamictal because I have found studies supporting that Lamictal is no more effective than a placebo (w/bipolar) above 200mg. Also, I figured that I can use a benzo to slow me down if I start to crank up but I can't use a benzo to help me up if my mood tanks. 

 

I am hoping to find a sense of camaraderie here and to give as much as I learn.

 

 

Oh, and I am terrified of coming off my meds. I cannot imagine a life without them.

[kaza31]

hi mattinsmom

 

welcome to the forum

 

you will definitely find that sense of camaraderie here, the people have been great at giving me advice when ive needed it, they've been very friendly, supportive, encouraging and have let me vent at times when ive needed too..

 

you seem very clued up so far  with regards helping yourself through your medication withdrawal.. you mentioned you have a supportive network of family, your doing mediation , exercising, yoga etc that's excellent your already starting on the right path..

 

its totally normal to feel scared about living without meds and starting the medication withdrawal I felt exactly the same in February.. Everyone on here can relate to those feelings completely..

 

one of the moderators will be on soon to offer you advice about your medication reduction..

 

in the meantime take care

 

all the best

Kx

[mattinsmom]

Thank you. 

 

You take beads out of your capsules...wow! I cannot even imagine how hard that has to be. My hands shake, I'd have beads everywhere. 

That is determination. That helps me believe that it is worth it. 

[Karma]

Hi Amy

 

Welcome to the forum!  Your doctor's recommended tapering schedule is too aggressive.  No wonder he thinks you'll have rebound symptoms and be back on full meds in no time ... he knows nothing about discontinuing these drugs. 

 

We recommend that you decrement no more than 10% of your previous dose at a time http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/300-important-topics-in-the-tapering-forum-and-faq/. You will hold that for at least 4 weeks initially and then see how your system responds.  Some people can go faster and others need to take smaller decrements and hold longer.  The goal is to safely come off of the drugs while leading a productive life.

 

Here is our thread on tapering off of Lamictal http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1122-tips-for-tapering-off-lamictal-lamotrigine/ and here is our thread on tapering off of Wellbutrin http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/877-tips-for-tapering-off-wellbutrin-sr-xr-xl-buproprion/.

 

What you will find in these threads is more specific than the general guidance I am providing here.  For example, Wellbutrin is one of the weaker antidepressants and we sometimes find members can decrease that drug more rapidly.  We are each individuals and you will be more likely to be successful if you are conservative in the beginning.

 

We recommend that you discontinue the most activating drug first and in your case that is probably Wellbutrin.  Your plan to keep the benzo until the end of your taper is a good plan because you are correct, you may need the benzo to offset anxiety symptoms from withdrawing from the other drugs.

 

Please read through the links I've provided and have a look around.  I think you may have found that last piece to your support puzzle - you will find a very supportive group here.

 

Namaste to you, my friend,

 

Karma

 

[mattinsmom]

Hi Karma

 

Thank you for your input. I think my pdoc is being aggressive too. To be completely honest I think he wants me to fail. As I was leaving his office he said "You know I'm right, because I am. I am right and you are wrong. I am right 9/10 times and you are going to lose". He's not normally such a ****. I said that might be true but I want to try anyway. I had to walk away or I think I might have "caused a scene". I didn't know that this was a game of win or lose and I most certainly did not know that it was a competition and we were on opposite teams. I wish I had said that then but in the heat of the moment, it didn't happen. I think he has old privileged white man syndrome. How dare I, tiny mentally ill female, question his authority! It is reassuring to hear that someone else feels the taper is too rapid. 

 

I have skimmed the links but will have to look more closely when it is daytime. I have a tendency to want things to go fast. I'm a rip the bandaid off kind of gal. It will not be hard for me to slow down from pdoc suggestions but it will be hard for me to slow down to a 10%. And, he's not going to order me lower doses of Wellbutrin. He says they are short acting so just stop. There won't be much trouble. I know he's wrong. I'm not there today so I will worry when I get there. Baby steps for now. I plan on honoring my body and what it needs. My chiropractor works directly with my CNS and that changes things a bit. The neurofeedback changes my brain communication paths and wave frequencies and that is different too. I wonder how they will play into this.

 

But, thank you again for the links and for reaching back. It sucks to put yourself out there and have noone respond. 

 

 I'm on the US East Coast so its 4am. I'm going to crawl into bed and pretend I'm asleep until I actually am. Have a good week.

[Meimeiquest]

Hi Amy,

 

Welcome! Sounds like you are really working hard! We're all so different, but I wanted to let you know that I tapered Zyprexa first, and then Wellbutrin made me manic. Only by finding this site did I realize that might be the case, rather than believing that it was caused by a lack of Zyprexa. I oscillated between withdrawal symptoms and manic-y symptoms all the way down to 50mg of Wellbutrin, and I could have prevented that by tapering it first. But I had some extenuating issues...Wellbutrin is the second noradrenergic AD to make me manic, and I have taken too many drugs that affect dopamine one way or another.

 

You might want to check the providers list to see if there is a pdoc with a clue near you. Otherwise, we can give you some diplomatic lines to use on your doctor to get the dosage forms that you need.

 

Good luck!

[Altostrata]

Welcome, mattinsmom.

 

You've gotten such excellent advice above, I can't improve on it.

 

Bragging that he's right, your psychiatrist sounds like a jerk. Relationships with such people aren't good for anyone. Our doctors list is here http://tinyurl.com/7cp8l8v

[mattinsmom]

Welcome, mattinsmom.You've gotten such excellent advice above, I can't improve on it.Bragging that he's right, your psychiatrist sounds like a jerk. Relationships with such people aren't good for anyone. Our doctors list is here http://tinyurl.com/7cp8l8v

Thank you so much for the Dr. list. There is someone less than 4 miles from me!!!  

My psychiatrist usually isn't such a jerk. I would like to believe that he was genuinely concerned and trying anything to get me to remain on my meds but there was something in the air that didn't feel that way. He's a psychiatrist, obviously he is going to push meds, but I thought I'd get more from him. 

[mattinsmom]

Hi Amy,Welcome! Sounds like you are really working hard! We're all so different, but I wanted to let you know that I tapered Zyprexa first, and then Wellbutrin made me manic. Only by finding this site did I realize that might be the case, rather than believing that it was caused by a lack of Zyprexa. I oscillated between withdrawal symptoms and manic-y symptoms all the way down to 50mg of Wellbutrin, and I could have prevented that by tapering it first. But I had some extenuating issues...Wellbutrin is the second noradrenergic AD to make me manic, and I have taken too many drugs that affect dopamine one way or another.You might want to check the providers list to see if there is a pdoc with a clue near you. Otherwise, we can give you some diplomatic lines to use on your doctor to get the dosage forms that you need.Good luck!

I had wondered about the Wellbutrin causing a manic experience. Lamictal scares me, it always has. I was spoon-fed the "its a disease, you'll die without treatment" schtick. Its sad to think of the things I have put into my body simply because I was afraid. Its sadder to know that I'm not the only person.

[mattinsmom]

Hello all

 

I have been on mood/mind altering substances my whole life. I've spent the past 16+/- years steadily on polypharm. There were a couple attempts to dc my AD over the years but they were always short-lived due to withdrawal symptoms. For the past year I been building supports and then chickening out. I'd get ready and then believe pdoc that my interest in stopping meds was a symptom of trouble so I'd stay on, increase, and/or add another drug to the cocktail. I finally have had enough and I have an amazing support system. 11-days ago I did my first med cut. I had the 2-day honeymoon where everything is great and then I got a bit sick. Some days have been pretty good, some not-so-much. Today I felt great. I felt clear minded and happy. Just as I was starting to internalize this well feeling a thought snuck up on me.

 

"Oh My God....What if this is the beginning of mania?"

 

And then I got sad. I think it is sad that I cannot have a good day without being afraid that its somehow a bad thing. I realized that "bad" days leave me thinking the depression is getting worse and "good" days have me worried about mania. The only times I ever think I'm  "normal" are the times when I don't feel or care about anything.

 

Today I realized that that is a very sad thing. I'm angry, but mostly sad. I think I need to spend a little time grieving the loss of the belief that I can have a good day without it meaning that I am horribly sick and something evil is on its way. Then I need to spend a lot of time learning to change that thought pattern.

 

I don't know too many people who would think having a good day was an ominous warning. I think a few people here will. Thanks for listening.  

 

 

 

[Abilifyneedhelp88]

I understand.......

[mattinsmom]

I understand.......

thanks

[dalsaan]

I'm sorry, that is sad.  But I like your response of taking time to grieve and then engaging change.   You're obviously strong, courageous and thoughtful.  That will help

[mattinsmom]

Hi

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this. My thinking is a bit less then optimal at the moment. And I don't know how much sense I'm going to make. My head is spinning. I apologize in advance.

 

I'm in a situation I don't know how to handle. I have been on poly- psychiatric meds for longer than I can remember (I'm 45). I am at the very beginning of the process/experience of discontinuing meds. My first decrease was 15 days ago and the past few days I've felt good. Technically I kinda still do but last night my father-in-law died and today I am a mess.

 

I feel like I'm an elevator that someone jumped on, pushed all the buttons, then jumped out leaving me alone. I don't know if what I am feeling is reasonable, if its what I've heard called neuro-emotion, if its going to get worse, or if I should just stay on my meds and say the h*** with it, its too much. The timing of this is so ridiculous I couldn't have made it up had I tried. 

 

Back history, my mom died when I was 15. The following are just the big events. They're years apart, just the dates are crazy.

My mom's birthday was October 24th.

My mom died on November 5th.

My Papa (her dad) died on November 5th

My Mammy (her mom) died on October 23rd 

My father-in-law died overnight, October 25th.

 

On the 22nd my spouse learned that there has been a company buy-out, job will be there but contract has to be re-negotiated w/in the next 2-weeks. We are in MA. The funeral services will be in Florida. We will be driving.

 

Seriously, I hate October. I hate the weather changing. I hate the clocks changing, I hate that everything big happens in October (there is so much other stuff) 

 

I guess my father-in-law's passing opened something up for me. I'm being hit with emotional connections with my past that I didn't even know existed and they are big. I know how uncomfortable I am now and the thought that continuing to decrease my meds (over time, not right now) might put me more in touch with my emotions (and all that childhood trauma I've never dealt with) is freaking me out. I've been numb and brain-fogged for 40-years.  S*** just got real. Right now my brain is telling me that I can go pop a little prn, go back to my previous med dose, and just let this all float away. I'm sure my psychiatrist would be more than happy to increase my meds.  I don't know if I can do this. 

 

I know that I cannot be the only person who has ever questioned if its worth it. I would love to hear a happy ending. I want to believe that in the end it will all be ok.

 

Help

 

 

 

 

[Meimeiquest]

Amy, First I'm so sorry for all your losses. Second, I just want to say again that for me, tapering the antipsychotic ahead of the antidepressant made me manic...not from bipolar, but from the med. please be careful in this stressful time. But I will defer to our pros for the details of your exact situation. Again, I am so very sorry. Meimei.

[Barbarannamated]

Mattingsmom,

 

I am so sorry for the compounded pain of loss you are experiencing. I believe that we remember or encode feelings of seasons that reignite both good and bad experiences (beyond the well known seasonal depression). This is, understandably, a very traumatic time of year for you.

 

One of the moderators will be along and offer direction for you. I just wanted to express my sincere sympathies.

 

Until then, this thread about past traumas may resonate with you:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3655-long-pasttraumatization-might-seriously-exacerbate-your-complaints/?fromsearch=1

 

B~

[mattinsmom]

Amy, First I'm so sorry for all your losses. Second, I just want to say again that for me, tapering the antipsychotic ahead of the antidepressant made me manic...not from bipolar, but from the med. please be careful in this stressful time. But I will defer to our pros for the details of your exact situation. Again, I am so very sorry. Meimei.

Thank you

I haven't decreased the Lamictal since the first time. I decided to hold that where it is and dc the Wellbutrin. Your point was spot-on. I had considered starting the ad taper this week but decided to put it off until the job situation had settled. I'm glad I waited and I won't make another move until that and all funeral services (etc) have calmed. I see that I'm not at a spot where dropping would be good for me. I would be setting myself up for failure.

Thanks for responding. I have friends/family who are supportive but they don't really get it.

[mattinsmom]

Mattingsmom,I am so sorry for the compounded pain of loss you are experiencing. I believe that we remember or encode feelings of seasons that reignite both good and bad experiences (beyond the well known seasonal depression). This is, understandably, a very traumatic time of year for you.One of the moderators will be along and offer direction for you. I just wanted to express my sincere sympathies.Until then, this thread about past traumas may resonate with you:http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3655-long-pasttraumatization-might-seriously-exacerbate-your-complaints/?fromsearch=1B~

Thank you. I, too, believe that emotions are stored in all kinds of places in our bodies. I've found that chiropractics, massage, and reiki have released things. I am going to check out the link you suggested. 

[mattinsmom]

Oh, I don't know how strong, courageous, or thoughtful I am. Knowing what to do and actually following thru and doing it are not my best skills. I'm stubborn as a bull and received a lot of advice from my therapist, friends, and chiropractor. I just keep reading and doing what is directly in front of me. Staying mad at my psychiatrist is pretty motivating too  

[Petunia]

Hi Mattinsmom,

I merged your new introduction topic with your original one.

Petu.

[Meimeiquest]

That sounds wise, but of course there is no right or predictable answer. And I can tell you get that. You can also increase the Lamictal a little bit, not clear up to original dose, if you need to. In a two-pronged family crisis, just staying stable is the top priority.

[Karma]

Hi Amy

 

What you are experiencing is perfectly normal at the front end of tapering.  You probably are having some neuro-emotions, but I often find if I can name them they have less hold over me.  Don't look at tapering as all or nothing ... look at it as what do I need to do right now to make myself more comfortable.  You may make a different decision at a different time.  But for what you are experiencing right now, you found the answer ... you need to stay the course and hold until the events that cause emotional upset settle down.

 

I agree with Barb that the time of year has emotions associated with it.  I lost my father 2 days after my birthday.  I characterized it at the time that he wouldn't leave me on my birthday.  He had been in a vegetable state for about a month before he passed.  Unfortunately, since my father passed the time around my birthday is always filled with negative emotion and it is very sad for me because I used to love that time of year ... but it passes.

 

It is more often than not a good decision to hold tapering when dealing with emotional times of the year or when dealing with potentially stressful events like job changes or the loss of loved ones.  In fact, for me I will generally hold my taper around Thanksgiving and Christmas, but that is my decision based on how I feel at those times of the year. 

 

It isn't a race - the goal is to taper off safely with minimal negative impact to you or your life.

 

Namaste,

Karma

[mattinsmom]

Today feels a little better, actually a lot better. I've had shakes today but I read that those can be somatic (thank you Barbara). Because I am aware of that I was able to let them happen. I did feel a release of sorts as they passed through.

 

I've definitely see where my emotions are much more extreme than needed. I honestly thought that I was past the w/d symptoms. I had those couple of good days and believed that all was good. Now I see how naive that was. I'm glad that I am holding and I appreciate all the support here for doing that. I also appreciate the reminders that its not all or nothing and that its not a race. This is such foreign territory for me.

 

Thank you all for the support, the feedback, and allowing me to bend your ears.

[tezza]

Hi MM,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your FIL passing. I've dealt with several deaths while in WD and I know how difficult it is. There were nine deaths in 18 months, so about every two months I found myself grieving, almost constantly, and ONE of my worst symptoms was severe depression.

 

I've been trying to get off Risperdal since July 2011 and had only been on it 3-1/2 months. I tried to leave it off CT (at half the original dose) mid-Sept. and that's when WD got REAL BAD. I wondered MANY times if the battle was worth fighting, then I'd remember what these meds do to us and decide it was.

 

From Sept. 2011 until August 2013, I was far from well. I had good windows along the way, they were very short at first but gradually got longer and better. Around the first week in August, I felt ALOT better and it has remained so. Periodically, I have some sad moments but nothing like I was for 23 months.

 

I had one person that I talked to almost every day; I could tell her anything. She passed away suddenly Oct. 11 during the night. I handled it better than I handled any of the other nine deaths and it was a much greater loss because of how close we were. Of course, I grieved but I grieved normally. (I'm not sure I'm getting the point across but I'm trying.)

 

I'm still tapering Risperdal and Remeron but have DCd some and gotten to lower doses of all the others. I still wake several times during the night, still have varying tinnitus and still don't go out very much but I feel successful, none the less. I had MANY symptoms! I'm a different person than I was for 23 months.

 

I've learned a lot and believe I'm stronger; yes, to me, it's been worth not giving up.

 

Hugs!

[mattinsmom]

Tough few days!

 

There has been a death in the family and this is the anniversary of several other family deaths so I expected some bumps. I know they play a huge role, but my word this has been insane. I still don't think I know which end is up. I cannot tell what is still possibly rebound a month after a Lamictal 50mg drop. I thought for sure that would be done. Now I'm thinking maybe not. 

 

The vicious desperation to understand what happened to me, what is continuing to happen to me, is exhausting. I know that my loved ones are exhausted too. I know that they want to help. I know that I need help. I can't find the words to ask for the kind of help I might need. There are words in  my head - whole entire stories - but they do not cross my lips. A friend pointed out a neurological r-brain/l-brain connection (or lacking of) and it makes sense, but I am still without my story. Maybe that is it. Maybe I am missing my story. but I need my words in order to write my story. 

 

Still, I think I can work with that. Thank you all so much for allowing me to think aloud, for your support, and for your feedback. 

 

Opinions please...

Is it possible to still have w/d symptoms this late after a taper? 

Have any of you lost your ability to speak words even tho you can see (and hear) them clearly in your mind?

 

Amy

[Petunia]

Hi Amy,

 

I merged this post with your original topic, one introduction thread per member, this way its easier to keep track of your progress with each post being in the same thread.  You can use this thread as your ongoing journal, adding posts as you go.

 

Opinions please...

Is it possible to still have w/d symptoms this late after a taper? 

Have any of you lost your ability to speak words even tho you can see (and hear) them clearly in your mind?

 

 

From your signature, its difficult to tell when you last made a cut, if it was the 10th October, or even a month ago, then it would not be unusual for you to still be feeling some symptoms from it, especially since you are going through such a difficult time at the moment.  If I were you, I wouldn't even be thinking about tapering any more at the moment, do what you can to take care of yourself and your family and get through this sad  and stressful time.

 

At times I've had difficulty speaking and especially writing, but I've also had problems finding the words and forming sentences, so its a bit different from what you describe.  Perhaps its not the 'right' time to be writing your story.  Its hard to see the story when you are still right in the middle of it, overwhelmed by its details.  Perhaps the whole story will come together clearer as you continue to recover. 

 

Withdrawal from these drugs cause the most unimaginable symptoms, try not to add worry about your symptoms, do your best to accept them and let them pass.

 

Petu.

 

[dalsaan]

Hi Amy

 

Sorry for your loss. I also lost a 93 yr old grat uncle last week and it rocked me

 

I agree with Petu. Yes it's very feasible to still be destabalised from a drop. And external stressors will also make a contribution to this.

 

I personally think struggling to understand, make meaning of what's happened is an integral part of the journey. I could have written 3 different stories by now, each of them partly right. I think those stories were stepping stones and I now understand my experience from a very different perspective

[mattinsmom]

Thanks Petu and dalsaan

 

I didn't even realize until reading your post, Petu, that it hasn't even been a month since my first (and only) drop. My drop was on October 10th. Time, my perception of time, has become so skewed. It is beginning to show in other areas of my life. last nights time change should be fun  It just feel like it has been a very, very long time since I began this process. Maybe because I put so much time into getting ready for it? Regardless, my perceptions are off-base. This leads directly into your experience dalsaan of seeing things through different views as time goes on. 

 

I want this fixed and over now! I am quite sure I am not the only person who feels that way. This feeling emotions thing is hard work

[Meimeiquest]

Hi Amy,

 

In some ways, all we can do is project ourselves on each other, since we don' each other as "real"people. I am going to totally project here, so feel free to discard this.

 

I don't think you've had a normal reaction to this cut. Remember on day 1 you wrote about feeling good, and how sad it was you had to worry about even feeling good. I remember thinking then, "She's having trouble with her Wellbutrin already." Day 1 of small cut one typically would feel like the day before. What if your Lamictal barely made you able to tolerate Wellbutrin, and taking a bit away is causing side effects from the Wellbutrin to emerge? Does that resonate? I hope Alto or one of the other pros can weigh in on this.

 

On a non-med note, I have found the Pomodoro Technique really helpful in focusing my thoughts and efforts, really as much impact as a drug (just the little info I got off the web, not buying anything).

 

The frantic interpretation and reinterpretation of all of life has definitely been my experience in this process. Some people have been guided towards many changes...I have been guided towards being less impulsive because I realize I do this. Learning to live with a brain that generates too many thoughts and not enough action.

[mattinsmom]

Hi Amy,In some ways, all we can do is project ourselves on each other, since we don' each other as "real"people. I am going to totally project here, so feel free to discard this.I don't think you've had a normal reaction to this cut. Remember on day 1 you wrote about feeling good, and how sad it was you had to worry about even feeling good. I remember thinking then, "She's having trouble with her Wellbutrin already." Day 1 of small cut one typically would feel like the day before. What if your Lamictal barely made you able to tolerate Wellbutrin, and taking a bit away is causing side effects from the Wellbutrin to emerge? Does that resonate? I hope Alto or one of the other pros can weigh in on this.On a non-med note, I have found the Pomodoro Technique really helpful in focusing my thoughts and efforts, really as much impact as a drug (just the little info I got off the web, not buying anything).The frantic interpretation and reinterpretation of all of life has definitely been my experience in this process. Some people have been guided towards many changes...I have been guided towards being less impulsive because I realize I do this. Learning to live with a brain that generates too many thoughts and not enough action.

I absolutely appreciate your projection!!! I had never thought of any possibility other than the Lamictal. I suppose that is the same thinking I am so pissed at doctors for, seeing something from only one view. It is quite possible that the Wellbutrin is showing. I am so sensitive with drugs, I always have been. I'm a lightweight who develops a fast tolerance. Sometimes (ok, a lot of times) I wonder how I am still alive with all the things my body/brain has had to do to change with all the meds. 

 

I have no idea what put the bee under my bonnet. I'm guessing it is a combination of things, particularly because of all the extra triggers happening right now. I don't think there is an area of my life that is not somehow in flux. I have way too much life happening for comfort. I, too, have a brain that generates too many thoughts and not enough action so for now I have plenty of fuel running but it will pass. I am definitely going to look into the Pomodoro Technique you mentioned. 

 

Thank you for the feedback. I really do appreciate it. I'm kinda on my own with this med discontinuation. I have support, but noone understands any of it. 

[Meimeiquest]

You will be rolling your eyes when you see what the Pomodoro Technique is

[Rhiannon]

Hi Amy! 

 

I just wrote you a long and probably brilliant post, and then managed to lose it (I have trouble with my Chromebook keyboard doing unexpected and annoying things way too often).

 

The gist was something like this:

I have complex PTSD from horrific childhood too, so fist bump to ya;

If I were to cut 50 mg of Lamictal at once I would be a basket case for months and months, and Gia found Lamictal to be a real bear too. It's the hardest to taper, for me, of the meds I'm tapering (multiple meds), and I cut at most only a few mgs a month;

I think you can absolutely get off these drugs or onto low enough doses to improve your life dramatically; and

 

given the history you describe, to be successful at that you are not going to be able to indulge your wish or propensity to rush in any way whatsoever.  I don't think you should start with cuts as large as ten percent--that's a rule of thumb for people with all kinds of backgrounds, but with your history that seems like too much to me.

 

If I were in your shoes I would probably reinstate about 25 mg of that 50 mg cut, and then hold for at least three months and see how long it takes to stabilize.

 

I wish I had time to give you the full background about what I'm saying, and who I am, and what makes your history different, and why I think I know so much, but I don't have time to rewrite just now. 

 

There's a lot to learn and absorb. You can find most of it here on this forum, in various places,  from over the years. This will be a multi year project, so you don't need to rush. 

 

Here's a good place to start:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4954-rhis-start-small-listen-to-your-body-taper-plan/

 

Welcome to the forum!

[mattinsmom]

You will be rolling your eyes when you see what the Pomodoro Technique is

I only rolled one eye   I do all kinds of alternative stuff. Let me rephrase, I know, understand, and have taught all kinds of alternative techniques but haven't been good with self care this month. Its the scenario of doing it the least when I need it the most. Its in the back of my head as an area in need of improvement. 

 

I only skimmed the timer idea and was actually overwhelmed by the idea of having to follow a timer/plan. Yup, bit of a control freak - so much so that I don't want to limit myself to the boundaries of a timer. I'm also at a nasty place w/ life changes so I'm pissy. I will look at it again next week when I get home from funeral stuff in Florida (I'm in MA).

[mattinsmom]

Hi Amy! 

 

I just wrote you a long and probably brilliant post, and then managed to lose it (I have trouble with my Chromebook keyboard doing unexpected and annoying things way too often).

 

The gist was something like this:

I have complex PTSD from horrific childhood too, so fist bump to ya;

If I were to cut 50 mg of Lamictal at once I would be a basket case for months and months, and Gia found Lamictal to be a real bear too. It's the hardest to taper, for me, of the meds I'm tapering (multiple meds), and I cut at most only a few mgs a month;

I think you can absolutely get off these drugs or onto low enough doses to improve your life dramatically; and

 

given the history you describe, to be successful at that you are not going to be able to indulge your wish or propensity to rush in any way whatsoever.  I don't think you should start with cuts as large as ten percent--that's a rule of thumb for people with all kinds of backgrounds, but with your history that seems like too much to me.

 

If I were in your shoes I would probably reinstate about 25 mg of that 50 mg cut, and then hold for at least three months and see how long it takes to stabilize.

 

I wish I had time to give you the full background about what I'm saying, and who I am, and what makes your history different, and why I think I know so much, but I don't have time to rewrite just now. 

 

There's a lot to learn and absorb. You can find most of it here on this forum, in various places,  from over the years. This will be a multi year project, so you don't need to rush. 

 

Here's a good place to start:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4954-rhis-start-small-listen-to-your-body-taper-plan/

 

Welcome to the forum!

I, too, have moments of pure brilliance that somehow get deleted! Fist bump back at'cha 

 

I've had a hard time figuring out what to do with my meds. My psychiatrist is so completely against me decreasing, let alone stopping, medication that he is uncooperative and overly aggressive. His taper suggestion for Lamictal was 50mg every 5 days. So, 8-weeks? I saw my gastroenterologist just last week for a follow-up. I've been on meds for reflux/gerd (which was caused by the psych meds) for awhile now. We discussed a taper and he said not to taper until I was done with everything else and then have me a schedule that will take 7+ months. I left scratching my head. He wants to do a 7-month taper off of what is basically Prilosec and my psychiatrist thinks I can do Lamictal in 8-weeks, Wellbutrin in 8-days, and Lorazapapm cold turkey. I wish my gastro guy was doing my psych meds. 

 

I am going to hold steady with the 50 drop until next week. I am leaving soon to drive to Florida for a funeral and will be gone until the 11th. I know what my body is doing right now and don't want an unknown while I'm driving or down there. Devil you know is my thought. I already might have trouble getting my shrink to call me in more of the 200s because he said he wouldn't at our last meeting. 

 

Yes, I realize I need a new psychiatrist. Working on it. Insurance and $ is an issue for me. 

 

I know I need to go slowly, just stomping my feet and wishing it weren't so. I will not, however, fail (wrong word but words are hard these days) and give my psychiatrist the satisfaction of needing to ask him for more medication. He threw down a gauntlet and I'll be damned if he'll win. I also know that I might very well need some level of medication and am perfectly ok with that being the case, I'd just have another prescribing dr so this one would never know. Yes, petty, but where I am at today. 

 

Thank you for telling me that a 50 drop would cause you trouble. Its close (sorta) to the 10% mark so I thought a lot of what is going on with me couldn't be related to that. 

[Rhiannon]

Most of us have found that psychiatrists (and doctors in general, but it seems the psych docs are the worst) are no use when it comes to med withdrawal. Yours sounds particularly obnoxious, I must say.

 

In my experience, your own body is the expert on how fast you can withdraw. People who've been polydrugged for many years usually need years to get off the meds and restore normal functioning.

 

That's why I recommend going very slowly at first and keeping a careful journal, so that you can learn your own body's responses and become your own expert. 

 

If you haven't yet, when things calm down for you and you have time, I recommend reading Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker, to help understand why so many doctors and particularly psychiatrists are so ill-informed and unhelpful regarding the use and discontinuation of psychiatric meds.

[mattinsmom]

Most of us have found that psychiatrists (and doctors in general, but it seems the psych docs are the worst) are no use when it comes to med withdrawal. Yours sounds particularly obnoxious, I must say.

 

In my experience, your own body is the expert on how fast you can withdraw. People who've been polydrugged for many years usually need years to get off the meds and restore normal functioning.

 

That's why I recommend going very slowly at first and keeping a careful journal, so that you can learn your own body's responses and become your own expert. 

 

If you haven't yet, when things calm down for you and you have time, I recommend reading Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker, to help understand why so many doctors and particularly psychiatrists are so ill-informed and unhelpful regarding the use and discontinuation of psychiatric meds.

Anatomy of an Epidemic is what got me to question my meds and decide to discontinue. It was quite an eye opener!