☼ Mattinsmom: update

[mattinsmom]

Thanks mommaP

 

I'm hanging tight while I gather information. I cannot believe my pdoc is being such a *****. He seriously wants to see me fail and come back begging for meds. Even if it turns out that I truly need some form of medication I guarantee you he will never know.

 

As for the rest, its as good as its going to get for right now. Sucks but a tiny bit better.

[Meimeiquest]

I did IR with multiple dosing, and I did SR with a little IR add-in, both tablet and liquid, then finished on liquid IR. Having been through Zyprexa and Wellbutrin, fighting to maintain oxazepam, and tapering Toprol-XL, I have become a huge fan of something not really recommended here: dividing powder capsules and tablets into tiny doses in empty capsules. Believe it or not, I take 8 doses of oxazepam and 5 doses of Toprol-XL daily. But, hey, I can function. Taking and measuring liquid during the day just didn't work well for me. I put the capsules in a round days-of-the-week pill organizer. I have a couple of full, intact capsules/tablets in the inner pouch of my purse just in case I forget. What a junkie!

 

I just let things crumble, then eyeball it into capsules. Because I take it so often, the differences kind of even out. The Wellbutrin really metabolized quickly for me in small doses. The SR is a bit smoother in action, even when cut up. Good luck!

[Meimeiquest]

Here's an example of what I mean by mixing. Let's say you need a daily dose of 135mg. That could be 100mg intact tablet of SR at 7 AM, 25 mg as 1/4 of a 100mg SR tablet at 2PM, and 10mg of a liquid made from either a 75 or 100 mg IR tablet at 5 PM. Or 100mg SR at 7AM and 1/2 of a 75mg IR tablet at 2 PM. Or any other combination that works. The listed half-life has a large range, which means people are going to metabolize it at very different rates, so you really have to feel your own way.

[Altostrata]

That's a good suggestion, meimei.

 

Mattins, you might want to divide doses and take a smaller one at night. Please review http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/877-tips-for-tapering-off-wellbutrin-sr-xr-xl-buproprion/

[mattinsmom]

I never quite understood what people meant by brain zaps. Had my first one(s) tonight. Now I understand. Man they suck.

 

Never a dull moment w this w/d business. Gotta keep the humor.

[Rhiannon]

I did IR with multiple dosing, and I did SR with a little IR add-in, both tablet and liquid, then finished on liquid IR. Having been through Zyprexa and Wellbutrin, fighting to maintain oxazepam, and tapering Toprol-XL, I have become a huge fan of something not really recommended here: dividing powder capsules and tablets into tiny doses in empty capsules. Believe it or not, I take 8 doses of oxazepam and 5 doses of Toprol-XL daily. But, hey, I can function. Taking and measuring liquid during the day just didn't work well for me. I put the capsules in a round days-of-the-week pill organizer. I have a couple of full, intact capsules/tablets in the inner pouch of my purse just in case I forget. What a junkie!I just let things crumble, then eyeball it into capsules. Because I take it so often, the differences kind of even out. The Wellbutrin really metabolized quickly for me in small doses. The SR is a bit smoother in action, even when cut up. Good luck!

 

I do a lot of multiple dosing too. When I've made a series of cuts over time and I hit that point where I start having WD symptoms, I "sip" my meds out of the little bottles over the course of the day, rather than taking the whole bottle at once the way I ordinarily do. I think when things are rocky, keeping those blood levels smooth and as non-roller-coaster as possible can help. I think it helps me and it sounds like what you're describing here too.  Good tip I think. Maybe we should put it somewhere in the Tapering section.

[Altostrata]

Please do add a topic to the Tapering section about this technique.

[mattinsmom]

Please do add a topic to the Tapering section about this technique.

I didn't know that I had. I wouldn't intentionally add unconventional suggestions to an umbrella forum. I thought that writings on my page stayed on my page.

Could you please explain how I did it so that I don't do it again? 

I am very sorry.

[Meimeiquest]

I'm supposed to but I don't know how to capture it with my iPad.

[mammaP]

Hi Amy, you haven't done anything wrong, I think Alto was asking Meime  to put her method into the tapering section.

[mattinsmom]

Thanks

[mattinsmom]

The last 4-5 days I've noticed that I am waking up with a headache that goes away about an hour after my am meds (150mg Lamictal and 225mg Wellbutrin) but comes back mid-afternoon. Its a weird headache, more like a fullness and pressure with random piercing pain that shoots from the middle of my brain to the top of my head and to my ears. Yesterday I decided to try to space out my Wellbutrin and took 187(ish)mg in am with the intention of taking the remaining 37(ish)mg in early afternoon. That didn't go so well. My headache went away but I got agitated and overwhelmed about 2 hours later. I took the other 37mg at that point and things kinda settled. Still had my afternoon headache.

 

This morning I woke up with my headache, took my meds as I had been (150/225) and about an hour later my headache went away. At 1ish I completely let someone get under my skin. I am so disappointed in myself because I give this woman my peace of mind every time I see/talk with her. She is the CPA for my business, happens to be a friend my business partner's mom. She's done our taxes for 7-years and every year she has been a pain in the a**. Oh, she drives me crazy and I let her do it again today. I was surprised at how fast my anger escalated today. I had myself so mad that my heart was racing, my hands were shaking, my breathing was quick, and I couldn't be still. I thought about healthy coping skills like meditation but that just made me even angrier. After ranting and continuing escalation I took .5mg of lorazapam. I did calm down but I'm mad at myself for "needing" a pill to stop the escalation and my headache is back. I'm also crazy-craving sweets. 

 

I was surprised today at how quickly I got as angry as I did. I want to cut myself a little slack because I have a lot going on, but it was scary. The idea that this "proved" I "needed" meds swam around in my head for a little while. I reminded myself over and over that w/d can look just like a return of symptoms. I had sent an e-mail to a friend and in it made reference to suicide (I'm not suicidal) as casually as if it were as common as taking a walk. That's when I knew it was w/d. I have had many bouts of suicidal thoughts and several attempts in my teens but its not something I take casually. 

 

I don't know if my original drop in Lamictal or the drop in Wellbutrin is the culprit but I believe that I am now/still experiencing w/d. I am simply going to have to stay here at these doses for awhile longer. I'm not happy about having to call my pdoc and beg for a Wellbutrin refill, I'm sure he will gloat, but if I've learned anything from this site it is to go as slowly as my body says, not what drs or fact sheets or others opinions say I "should". That said, this is really frustrating. It has to be worth it, right? Has to be.  

[areyouthere]

mm…. I have experienced frighteningly rapid increased anger with people as well during WD &/or  after a rather large up dose in my AD or a change to a generic. 

 

I also was aware at the time that it was uncharacteristic ( I can get pissed… but this was like I wasn't in control) and it made me very uncomfortable not to mention sorry and embarrassed.

 

I think that your choice to swallow your pride and talk to your pdoc is a wise one. And yes… it is worth it in my opinion and from my own personal experience.

 

Good luck…. and good job!!

 

RU

[Rhiannon]

It's worth it. At least, it's been worth it, way more than worth it, for me, and I've been at it for almost four years. No regrets at all. (About the taper that is. Nothing BUT regrets about starting on the drugs in the first place.)

[mtnbkr]

Hi Amy.

 

I just wanted to say hello, and let you know that I've been following your thread.  I am so sorry for all that you've endured.  You are a brave woman.  I'm rooting for you, and I hope that you get a break from the WD headaches and neuro-emotions soon.  It does get better.  Hang in there!

 

BTW - is the dog in your photo a Vizsla?

 

Smiles,

-mtnbkr.

[mattinsmom]

Hi Amy.

 

I just wanted to say hello, and let you know that I've been following your thread.  I am so sorry for all that you've endured.  You are a brave woman.  I'm rooting for you, and I hope that you get a break from the WD headaches and neuro-emotions soon.  It does get better.  Hang in there!

 

BTW - is the dog in your photo a Vizsla?

 

Smiles,

-mtnbkr.

Yes, he is a Vizsla! Noone ever knows what he is I'm guessing you either have/had one. Clyde is 8, way too chubby, and a big 'ole baby. 

 

I know things will get better but sometimes it doesn't feel like its worth the effort. I'm 45 (I know, not old) and I've been medicated my entire life. I don't know a life without meds. That scares me too. I can't imagine anything other than the nothing that I had with all the meds and the too much that I've gotten with the reductions. The support on this forum really helps. 

 

The sun is out today. Today will be better if for no other reason than that. I don't do rainy or dreary, I'm too melodramatic. I also have a clear plan on how my day is going to look and I'm a schedule kind of girl. Not spontaneous! Today will be better.  

[mattinsmom]

I just read a post from someone struggling with a Trazadone taper and remembered that I did a stint with Trazadone. I looked into fixing my med signature and having to write it all out - no wonder I'm having issues! Lots of changes in a very short amount of time. The time is long compared to what the pdoc wanted but there is something about creating that list that was surprising. I don't know how a doctor can look at those changes and say that they are too slow and that w/d isn't real or doesn't last long. 

[Rhiannon]

I just read a post from someone struggling with a Trazadone taper and remembered that I did a stint with Trazadone. I looked into fixing my med signature and having to write it all out - no wonder I'm having issues! Lots of changes in a very short amount of time. The time is long compared to what the pdoc wanted but there is something about creating that list that was surprising. I don't know how a doctor can look at those changes and say that they are too slow and that w/d isn't real or doesn't last long. 

 

It doesn't matter what the doctor says anyway, about if it's real or doesn't last long. I haven't met a doctor yet who has a clue, no matter how well-intentioned. They just don't have the information or the experience. My docs have been quite sweet but quite ill-informed.

 

If you've been on psych meds your whole life, you definitely need to taper very, very slowly. You have to grow a whole new brain and nervous system, and your body really doesn't have a lot of information about how to do that, because this is not something that evolution has equipped us for. Your body's going to have to figure it out as it goes along and it will make mistakes and have to correct them in the process. Please be very,very patient and cautious. This is going to take years. It will be worth it if you do it right.

[mtnbkr]

Yes, he is a Vizsla! Noone ever knows what he is I'm guessing you either have/had one. Clyde is 8, way too chubby, and a big 'ole baby. 

I thought so!!  I'm on my second Vizsla.  She's 2 now, and still has an amazing amount of energy. They're just the best dogs.  I don't think that I'd have made it through the past decade without the unconditional love of my Vizslas.

 

Glad that the sunshine and some structured plans have given you a few easier days.  I hope that continues.

 

Smiles,

mtnbkr. 

[mattinsmom]

Grief and w/d = not good

[mammaP]

Are you ok Amy? I agree, grief and withdrawal are not a good mix. 

 

Mamma hugs XXX

[mattinsmom]

Thanks mommaP. The hug and your concern mean so much.

 

I am not ok. I am so far from ok its immeasurable. I don't know that I have ever felt emotions this strong. Cried myself right into a migraine.

 

Warning- vent coming, won't be offended if skipped it I just need to get it out. Best friend (read "abandonment") issue reared again.

 

Last week- Monday we agreed to a clean-slate. All was ok. On Friday she went to a baby shower. She called when she was leaving, we always talk when she's driving home from something. The weather was nasty, ice/sleet. I said both hands on the wheel and asked her to call when she got home so I'd know she was alright. (she lives alone, I am the only one who would notice her missing if something had happened). Time went by, then what seemed like a lot of time went by. I decided to give her a few more minutes before I called because I didn't want her answering and driving. She called a couple minutes later. She'd been home for over 20-minues!!!! She'd decided to put her stuff down, check her e-mail, get ready for and crawl into bed, and then call. She was "sorry" and "Didn't mean to make [me] worry". Saturday/Sunday she was away with bio family but she'd text when she got there (it was a 2-hr drive) so I'd know she made it. She did and she sent another text at 10:00 saying g'night.

 

Sunday night she was expected (unspoken) here for "family dinner" because we always try for Sunday family dinner - especially after not seeing each other and we hadn't seen each other (except for her stopping by only to eat on Wed) since that previous Monday. She didn't come. She had been texting with a new guy since Friday (while I was waiting to hear if she'd made it home safely) and they were going out on a date. She sent me a text at 8:30 telling me where they were as a safety check in. She called at 10:00 on her way home. I told her that my and the boys feelings were hurt. She never thought anyone here would expect her for dinner. "Sorry, didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings" 

 

Last night **** hit the fan.  It was supposed to be "our" night. Since she's started on-line dating she's not around as much and I asked for 1 consistent night. We picked Mondays because she is always here on Mondays (groceries and laundry day). Mondays are chaos until after dinner and we've talked about it being important to me that we have time to visit and not just cook/eat as a family and her leave right after. During dinner she commented that she was really tired and it would be an early night. It was 7:30. I understood, she'd had a crazy day at work etc and asked her to help me wrap something quickly before she left. While we were wrapping she perks up with a "guess who just got a second wind". I got excited thinking maybe she'd visit for a bit, maybe we'd have a chance to talk, play a game, whatever. Nope, before I could say a word she said "Guess I can go see (new guy of 2-days) tonight after all". I was crushed. Not only was she blowing me off for the new guy, it was on "my Monday".  But I get it, she has a new infatuation. I figured we could talk about it later when I wasn't feeling like I'd just been kicked.

 

So, 11:00 rolls around. We say goodnight every night by 11:00. We had agreed when she started on-line dating that we would always connect by 11:00 for a check in/good night. We had an agreement that if I hadn't heard from her by 11:00 I would call her. At 11:15 I called her and she didn't answer. I left a message asking her to call whenever she got home so that I'd know she was ok. She called about 10-minutes later and said "Sorry I didn't answer the phone, I knew I'd be leaving (for home) soon. She said "I guess I could have sent a text at 11:00 or I could have answered. Sorry, didn't mean to make you worry".  I lost it. I couldn't not lose it. I said I was done. I was in tears on the phone telling my best friend that I quit. I give up. I said I didn't want to see her anymore because I always get hurt. I love her, but I'm done being hurt. She says "call me if you want, I'll always be here". She said good night. I said good bye.

 

We sorta share kids. She lived w/ my family for 8-years. The boys were little, 4 and 9, my youngest doesn't remember a time w/o her. My oldest has a chorus performance on Thursday. He is so proud and we are all going...including her. He'd be crushed if she weren't there. My youngest is 16, stand 6'1" and weighs nearly 200lbs and last week sobbed saying he's afraid he won't get to see her if she and I stop being friends. They have both been assured that their relationships with her will go on regardless of she and my friendship status. She'd be just as lost without them. Anyway, I'm still going to have to see her. Tomorrow we have to meet w/ our CPA to officially close our business. Thursday is my oldest's performance. He has another Christmas performance on Saturday afternoon. I just told her that I'm done - we're done - and now I have to spend time on 3 separate days with her. 

 

 

Today I'm in tears because I want my best friend. I don't understand how she can keep doing the things that I keep telling her hurt me. I don't understand how she can say "I know I keep doing it but I'm sorry. I don't mean to do it" and think that everything is ok. What she says and what she does are 2 very different things. I want to call and try to work it out but I've done that so many times. And I'm always the one to call. Part of me doesn't want to call. I'm tired of having my feeling hurt. My partner said that I'm treated like the sister who will just always be there. She doesn't have to worry because I'm not going anywhere, just like when kids give their parents a hard time. But I don't know that I want to always be there.

 

I'm just lost. I don't know what is real anymore. I need her more than I ever have and she is constantly telling me she's here for me and then she's not around. Am I over-reacting? Is this just neuro-emotion? Part of w/d? Or is it ok to say no more because she does take advantage of me "always being there"? Do I just need a few days away to grieve it as a loss and move on? I want my friend but I don't want to be hurt anymore.

 

And I found out earlier today that I paid bills from the wrong account and was just bouncing checks left and right (its been fixed but still). And, I can't eat/keep food in which isn't helping matters any. My life is too much, too big, and to think just a couple days ago I thought I had it all under control.

 

I'll be fine. I always am. Vent done.

Whew!

Wow its good to have that out. I think I just took my first real breath of the day.  

[mattinsmom]

Today feels better. I haven't slept and food is not my friend but the sun is out and I just came from therapy. I'm always good on Wednesdays. I think that my brain knows its therapy day and makes everything "ok" before I go so as not to deal with anything hard when I'm there. Yesterday would have been the day I should have gone. Doesn't matter, today is better than yesterday. 

 

I see my CPA and my friend (who I'm not talking to?) at 5:00. Feeling apprehensive but I'll get thru it.  

[mammaP]

I'm glad you are feeling better today. I hope the meetings go well for you. 

[mattinsmom]

As I was getting ready to head out I started to panic and took .5mg of Lorazapam. Meeting w/ cpa went surprisingly well. It was short too! I am grateful. As for the friend, I'll be crying myself to sleep again. I want my friend back, but I don't want to keep being hurt. She's gotta fix this one. She broke it.

 

Chiropractor adjusted something today that completely erased my nausea. I ate dinner without any problems!!!! Love that man.

 

Thanks for checking in mommaP

[Meimeiquest]

So glad you made it through the day....tears are a good thing....welcome back to the world of emotion

[mattinsmom]

Long, you're warned:  As of today I have decreased my wellbutrin from 225mg to 187.5mg in am. I know, its a 17% drop, larger than ideal but its a consistent cut/crumble that I can do. Here's why I'm tapering:

 

My heart races and my insides vibrate. I've noticed that my leg bounces. I find myself rocking side to side. I pace. My hands shake. My sleep patterns have gone to 4-5 hours every 2+/- days. My heart pounds so hard that it is hard to hear over. I'm restless and irritable. I'm nauseated, don't want to eat, sick when I do eat, and the biggest weight problem is I just hit 98-pounds (NOT ok). Today I awoke to bruises on my hips and knees from being in bed after only a couple of hours. Point of reference, I'm 20lbs less than in my picture. I've watched my weight just steadily decrease and my thyroid is fine. Yesterday I started having mild auditory hallucinations.There have been moments of suicidal ideation (not desire tho) All of these symptoms had been steadily increasing and lorazapam no longer aids with sleep. it does take the edge of a little but it is very short-lived and reading works better. I believe that my metabolism is winding up. Most of the irritability, heart pounding, restlessness happens 3-4hrs and again 10-12 hours respectively after my morning dose (only dose) of Wellbutrin. From the outside I bet I look like I am starting to show beginning symptoms of hyper-mania. 

 

That said, I know I have been an emotional roller coaster. I am grieving and experiencing the chaos around loss. My chiropractor and neurofeedback have been amazingly helpful and I love my therapist. I read some things posted by GiaK and by Rhi about (dark) emotions and learning to sit with them. I have allowed myself to laugh, cry, shake, cry some more, yell, cry some more..... Emotions hit, they get bigger than I ever imagined possible (thanks years of blunting - humph), and then they pass at least for awhile. I do DBT unofficially and I just printed off all new forms. I am going to ask my Shamanic Elder to hold a ritual for grief and loss. 

 

I have officially closed my business and while it is sad, it is such a weight lifted. Such a thought consuming ordeal that is finally at peace. My boys are doing well, youngest has agreed (temporarily) to stop smoking pot since its not legal in MA. He says "no promises for when he is 18 with a  As for my friend, she is the biggest trigger for me and no amount of meds are going to fix that. Its rough and painful and ugly and beautiful and fun and a mess. We just have to keep working at it. I need to lower my expectations and raise my self-sufficiency. I also need to look to other places for support. She is not going to be able to keep promises she made, even tho they were sincere at the time. We talked and I've set some clear boundaries, stated what I need, and made it clear that I will walk away if "we" negatively interfere anymore in my recovery. She's an amazing person, just caught up in her own lessons at the moment.

 

I was sitting with my dog today and thinking about her and my expectations, disappointment, loneliness, forgiveness, and happiness. He expects nothing of me (except marshmallows at bedtime), is probably disappointed when I leave but always happy when I come back. He's alone when I'm gone and seems to have worked it out because there is never any destruction. He forgives me when I get frustrated or push him away because I'm busy with something else. He just waits for attention and soaks it up when its offered. He sits silently near me when I cry. He doesn't care if my eyes swell or I get all snotty or if I've told him the same whiny story again. He paces with me when I'm restless or runs with me chasing balls in the house. When I am really upset and yelling (tend to do this when home alone) he will sit directly in front of me and shake until I lower my voice and calm down. He makes me aware of my behavior and its effects on others and shows me that I'm probably scared and not angry. When I stop, he casually walks away like "job done". Sometimes he pins me down and gives me reiki (energy work). He leaves me to experience whatever I am experiencing, supports me as much as he can, and loves me every chance he gets. Time for me to start evolving to dog level! (with all the human bumps along the way)

 

I expect to have headaches, brain pressure, a few more mood swings for awhile, and many more tears. They are rather helpful, tears that is. I expect some moments of exhaustion. My family is on notice, my chiropractor is on notice and we have appointments on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I have neurofeedback scheduled for Monday and therapy on Wed. I also have my therapists cell number for anytime. Monday night I have a firm (not unspoken or assumed) commitment from my friend for tea and board games.. My friend is on notice that changes are happening (meds and otherwise) I'll be looking into creating other safe places and people to lean on. Of course here/people here are right on top of my list.

 

So please wish me luck that this decrease helps with the physical stuff. The emotional would be so much easier to handle with sleep and a few more pounds. I am open to and  asking for suggestions or things to consider. I will go back up on my Wellbutrin if the w/d symptoms get worse or interfere in my ability/daily living. I'd like to give it a week before I make any decision about increasing unless it gets bad. I'm running out of Wellbutrin tho. I'm calling my primary on Monday to schedule an appointment to see if she'll call in meds.  She's never worked with someone tapering psych drugs, and tends to fall into the "recommendations" of pharm companies re taper speed but she is open-minded and has detoxed someone off of alcohol.

 

Yes, I see the hint-o-manic in my writing. You should see how clean my house is and how much I've decorated for Christmas. I am, seriously, wound up.

 

Thanks all for listening, caring, supporting, and surviving your own experiences and being willing to share them with the rest of us.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Hi mm,

 

Reading your note I was struck by something you wrote:

 

 

My heart races and my insides vibrate. I've noticed that my leg bounces. I find myself rocking side to side. I pace. My hands shake. My sleep patterns have gone to 4-5 hours every 2+/- days. My heart pounds so hard that it is hard to hear over. I'm restless and irritable. I'm nauseated, don't want to eat,

 

These are the same things that I found happening to me off and on before I really hit this wave. All along I had read others describe these things but never put 2 and 2 together. When they all hit at once and I found myself unable to even lie down in bed without the inner vibration starting, then I realized what was happening. I believe you are experiencing withdrawal. Of course you are the only one that can tell what is really going on.

 

Just wanted to mention it. I found sipping mag citrate really helps with the heart stuff. I stay lying down in bed for at least 8 hours so my body can 'rest' even if I can't sleep. I force myself to eat sometimes and get out for a walk at least twice a day. Hope you are feeling better soon!

[mammaP]

Hi Amy. I fear you are tapering too fast. I looked at your sig and tapering 2 drugs is 

difficult because it's hard to know where the withdrawal is from. You are going through a 

lot emotionally and it's usually best to leave cuts at times of stress because  withdrawal

does increase the intensity of stressful situations.

My own experience has been that I had to updose when a stressful situation hit me. I felt

more pain emotionally than I had ever felt in my entire life, and was quite ill for a while with it.

Those neuro emotions multiply grief x 100! 

Withdrawal can also cause hypomania , I've experienced that too! 

 

Of course I could be completely wrong but I would hate to see you getting worse, please take care.

[mattinsmom]

Hi mm,

 

Reading your note I was struck by something you wrote:

 

 

My heart races and my insides vibrate. I've noticed that my leg bounces. I find myself rocking side to side. I pace. My hands shake. My sleep patterns have gone to 4-5 hours every 2+/- days. My heart pounds so hard that it is hard to hear over. I'm restless and irritable. I'm nauseated, don't want to eat,

 

These are the same things that I found happening to me off and on before I really hit this wave. All along I had read others describe these things but never put 2 and 2 together. When they all hit at once and I found myself unable to even lie down in bed without the inner vibration starting, then I realized what was happening. I believe you are experiencing withdrawal. Of course you are the only one that can tell what is really going on.

 

Just wanted to mention it. I found sipping mag citrate really helps with the heart stuff. I stay lying down in bed for at least 8 hours so my body can 'rest' even if I can't sleep. I force myself to eat sometimes and get out for a walk at least twice a day. Hope you are feeling better soon!

 

 

Hi Amy. I fear you are tapering too fast. I looked at your sig and tapering 2 drugs is 

difficult because it's hard to know where the withdrawal is from. You are going through a 

lot emotionally and it's usually best to leave cuts at times of stress because  withdrawal

does increase the intensity of stressful situations.

My own experience has been that I had to updose when a stressful situation hit me. I felt

more pain emotionally than I had ever felt in my entire life, and was quite ill for a while with it.

Those neuro emotions multiply grief x 100! 

Withdrawal can also cause hypomania , I've experienced that too! 

 

Of course I could be completely wrong but I would hate to see you getting worse, please take care.

 

I thank you both for your feedback and your concern. There is something about hearing from people who have been there and are there tapering their medications. Family and friends try to understand (sometimes) but you really have to be in it to understand. 

 

I am very impatient with this withdrawal process and am trying hard to keep that in check. My reason for this drop is not impatience, I sincerely believe it is physically necessary.  I agree that withdrawal is a factor but I also think that the agitation of Wellbutrin was running too high. Not sleeping has historically caused very dangerous situations for me. My heart symptoms had progressed beyond racing/panic. My weight hitting 98 pounds was the final deciding factor for me. One of the agreements I have with my psychologist is that I will stay in triple digits. To hit that low with all of the heart stuff was too risky. I did this drop because I felt it was less dangerous than waiting. I don't think it is the ideal situation but I think it is the least harmful. Today most of the physical symptoms, especially the chest pain/heart pounding, are gone or significantly less. And I ate. I managed to eat, and keep in, 600 calories today. It has been a long time since this has happened.

 

I know that tomorrow may be different. I believe there is honeymoon period during the first few days of a drop, its been my experience. I know that by mid-week I might be updosing again, and I'm ok if that needs to happen. In the meantime I need to get as much weight on and water in that I possibly can. I know symptoms will return. I know I am not out of the woods. I know I need to get my body healthier in order to stay safe. 

 

The neuro-emotions are absolutely 100% bigger. For so long I wasn't allowed to have emotions and then the meds took them away. I might regret saying this but in some ways I appreciate them. Right now they get big and overwhelming and painful and I feel such a release once they pass. I am learning to sit with them. What a new experience that is. My tears have continued today, tho not to the extreme. When I looked at my long driveway covered in a foot of snow only to find my snow blower had tanked, I cried. I sat right down on it and let the tears flow. And then I picked up a shovel. Today was good I think. Tomorrow I see my chiropractor and have neurofeedback. I hope that tomorrow is good too. 

 

My friend (my biggest trigger) did something today that I started to get upset over and then I decided to look at it differently. I decided to be grateful for the things that she did that I had asked of her and chose to ignore (as best as I could) the things she messed up on. I am proud of myself for that. Its a learning process. Tomorrow I might not be so open for those lessons but today, I made it. And soon I am off to bed. I'm getting sleepy and this is 5 hours sooner than it has been so I might catch some sleep too! 1st, I'll have a snack. My stomach is growling. 

 

I am so grateful knowing that I have people keeping an eye on me. Truly, I thank you.  

[Petunia]

 

I am very impatient with this withdrawal process and am trying hard to keep that in check. My reason for this drop is not impatience, I sincerely believe it is physically necessary.  I agree that withdrawal is a factor but I also think that the agitation of Wellbutrin was running too high.

 

 Hi Amy,

You have so much going on which could be adding to your agitation and loss of appetite.  Grief, loss and stress are probably a huge factor.  I hope this drop does help, but please hold for a while and give yourself the time to emotionally come to terms with the loss of your relationship.

 

Your dog sounds lovely and such a wonderful support for you, there's really nothing like the unconditional love we receive from pets.

 

I hope you get some sleep and start to feel better very soon.

[mattinsmom]

Hi Petu

If my weight stays in triple digits and the unusual chest pains stop I will hold until spring. Summer is always my best time of year anyway. Some heart stuff is ok. I recognize panic and the irregularities of hormones. I had a hysterectomy a little over a year ago. These last few days were different. Scary.

 

And yes, I have major grief work to address. For now I am taking my full belly and tired body to bed. Thank you for checking in.

[mattinsmom]

Today's check in is good overall. Most of my physical symptoms are still being held at bay. Of course sleep is a problem but I think that has just as much to do with childhood as anything else.

 

I did find myself becoming more distracted and confused as the day progressed but I was still functional. Confusion was probably the biggest symptom today.

 

Had a moment or two of anger that was probably more intense then needed but I was able to see it and walk away. I managed to keep my mouth shut. Frustration was justified but a hostile conversation was not. The talking can come when the heat of the moment has worn off.

 

Bit of a headache starting but I'm ok. Taking it one step at a time.

[mattinsmom]

Checking in:

 

Heart not pounding, stopped vibrating, stopped shaking. Still easily confused and distracted and have a few "flu-like" symptoms but food is going in and most of it is staying there:

 

Mood - well, I'm ok. Get really mad, really easily. Last night was a good example. I went from mildly annoyed to furious in 2.2 seconds. BUT, I remembered what mommP suggested awhile ago and recognized that there was probably an element of not real to my mood. My friend knew (it was obvious) that I was ticked and asked if I was mad at her, I said "Lets let it go for now, I'm not sure what I am really feeling and what is neuro so I am going to just shut up". She packed her stuff up and left and all was ok. Later today I will talk to her about what was upsetting to me. I am able to identify what I found upsetting, what would feel better for me in the future, realize that it will probably happen again, and let it go.  Of course that is just right now. 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Hi mm,

 

The good news is that the anger and upset goes away, I had it really bad when I first came off the meds and somehow my poor mom was the brunt of it. I gradually came to notice when it happened, realized something was not right about the intensity of it, and finally was able to just shut my mouth and walk away. It finally just stopped happening. I still feel some irritation now and then when things don't go my way, but can always shrug it off and not think about it. You'll be able to do this too. Knowing that it is 'neuro emotion' and not an accurate picture of the situation is making it a little easier to deal with the uncomfortable emotions that come up now. Glad to hear your other symptoms are subsiding.

[mattinsmom]

My 16-yo informed me that I have w/d swearing happening today. I have to admit, he's ******  **********  **** ****** * ***** right