☼ Mattinsmom: update

[mattinsmom]

"Whoville, Mass."???? my family lives in Groveland and Georgetown....never saw or heard of Whoville....other than Dr. Seuss..LOL

 

I just took the time to read most of your past posts and now I see why the Prilosec so you can ignore my warning about gut issues.

 

I am amazed how good you view your symptoms. I must have PSTD for anxiety symptoms. For as long as I have battled all this every symptom still scares me and makes me want to run and hide.

 

do you have good support from your husband? That is essential during this time. I let my hubby read some of these posts on different forums, helps him to understand.

 

I wanted to say that coming off these drugs is like a heroin addict going cold turkey...I feel like my mind and body are being tortured daily.

 

I live in Liverpool,NY and so our weather is so much worse then yours...we don't see sunshine 10 months out of the year around here. we actually were voted worst city for snowfall in all of USA (Syracuse, NY)

I hate the winters, I hate that it looks like bedtime at 4:00pm. I hate being cold....so obviously for me this is not the time of year to be changing anything regarding med dosages.

you may want to ponder that

 

I live in Easthampton MA. When Dr Suess wrote "The Grinch" he was at the top of a mountain range looking over my town. There has been debate as to which way he was looking but in the end Easthampton won the title of "Whoville"  

 

I just read your introduction and wow you've had a bumpy road. Cheers to you for your gumption to keep trying. I completely agree with your dislike of 4pm darkness and cold. I have a pretty thorough dislike of winter. I am happiest when its 90* Why I live in New England never ceases to astound me. Family is here, therefore so am I. 

 

Thanks for your support. From what I can see, we all get through this together. 

[mattinsmom]

Appetite suppression is a well-known side effect of Wellbutrin, as is "speediness" in general.

 

I think maybe Wellbutrin never agreed with you. Do you feel up to another small reduction?

 

Yes, you might be having an allergic reaction to lamotrigine. When this is extreme, it's the dread Stevens-Johnson syndrome.An overlarge dose of lamotrigine can also cause paradoxical reactions, alerting instead of sedating.It's not good to continue in this allergic reactive state. How about decreasing the lamotrigine a bit? http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1122-tips-for-tapering-off-lamictal-lamotrigine/

I'm certainly more than willing to try a cut in the Lamictal. It has always been the drug that scares me the most. I hear you say decreasing  "a bit" and I am guessing that what I have available to cut is far from your idea (and mine). I've been hoarding 100mg pills because pdoc has stated he won't write refills (so far he's written them when I've called his bluff).

I take 150mg in morning and 200mg at night. I can do that now at night too and half both 200mg and 100mg pills to equal 150mg but that is a drop of 50mg (14%). Not ideal but its what I have to work with. 

 

I was just reminded that a few years ago I had been taking lamotrigine and when my pharmacy changed distributors I starting having symptoms of tardive dyskinesia (involuntary tongue rolling). That was how I ended up on the Lamictal brand. I had completely forgotten. I guess I should have kept that tidbit in my signature. I had taken it out because my signature felt too long. 

 

This is a good time for me to try a taper. My family is home and my friend is away until Jan 2. 

[mattinsmom]

With a lot of time, a smidge of ocd, a little magnifying glass, and a very sharp knife I have managed to cut the lamictal from 350mg to 325mg. If my math is correct that is just under an 8% drop!

 

I also noticed another small sore on my tongue. Could be that I bit it and don't remember. It can also be from the magnesium drink. Worth me making note of for future reference.

 

I also told my friend that we need some space. I told her that of course I will love her forever but she'll have to reach out. I'm not asking anymore. If I don't ask/depend on her then I wont be so often disappointed. That might be the hardest and most painful thing I've ever done.

[Altostrata]

Any doctor can write a prescription for lamotrigine. Why won't your psychiatrist?

[mattinsmom]

Any doctor can write a prescription for lamotrigine. Why won't your psychiatrist?

I think that out of concern for my well-being he is trying to "force" me to stay on my meds.  Or he's just a *****. He doesn't believe that I can be med-free. He said I've tried to stop meds in the past and came back when symptoms returned.  He believes that if I crash I'll come back asking for more medication. He is a firm believer in the idea that there is no w/d w/ the meds I take, only proof of the original condition.   Its hard to get much conversation in during our scheduled 5-minutes every 3 months. Insurance won't pay for more unless I'm in crisis or starting a new medication. 

 

I see him on the 6th. I know I want to ask him things, just haven't figured out what yet.

[mammaP]

Hope you manage to talk to him and get what you want Amy, he sounds delightful.......NOT! 

[Altostrata]

Oh, I see. He won't write a prescription for the lower dosages.

 

You can make your own liquid lamotrigine to taper http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1122-tips-for-tapering-off-lamictal-lamotrigine/

[mattinsmom]

Oh, I see. He won't write a prescription for the lower dosages.You can make your own liquid lamotrigine to taper http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1122-tips-for-tapering-off-lamictal-lamotrigine/

Thanks Alto. I'm ok for now and will ask him for the smaller doses when I see him on Thursday. If he doesn't prescribe them, mommP has offered to help with the recipe for a liquid taper. I found a few 25mg tabs (from the summer debacle) tucked away in the back of a drawer. I can use those in lieu of my knife/magnifying glass. I sound like such a junkie having meds hidden away. Humph! 

[mattinsmom]

Well, I got cocky today. I know better. The sun was out and I felt pretty good this morning so I started little chores/projects around the house. Of course I didn't start just one. I'd start something, walk into another room and think of what needed doing there, start that, etc. After a couple hours of this fatigue visited and there I was with a house full of 1/2-finished chores. Naturally I had done things that had to be finished and couldn't wait until tomorrow. I had to sit for awhile but it all got finished.

 

I don't have the racing heart, speeding up, etc today. I think it is placebo thing. I don't think that my Lamictal cut last night could have already changed anything. I did hold firm to my "no" with my friend and I've never done that before. Now she is in Albuquerque, actually she's probably flying over Baltimore right now, and I have some physical distance. I know that has a lot to do with my feeling less anxious today. It will be very interesting to see how the week plays out without her here. It will be more interesting to see what happens when she gets back.

 

Anyway, I was cocky and I was reminded that I'm not all big and strong right now. My body has limits and if I don't respect them it will simply stop me. Dinner is cooking - and I'm hungry?!?!?! and then the night is free of any responsibilities.

[mattinsmom]

Amy is there any way you could limit contact with your best friend for now? I imagine some of what you are experiencing with your emotions IS real and some is neuro emotions...she is obviously such an important part of your life but for what ever reason is unable to give you what you need and deserve right now... sometimes people let us down...and that is something I too have struggled with with friends and family. I am happy to report that with family it all worked itself out years ago but i too was similarly close to my sister in the way you are with your friend and the more I asked her for the more she let me down....she really really let me down!! But, you know what, none of that matters now...it all slipped into the past and it will for your and your friend too, in time. BUT you do need to keep yourself sane and safe and supported....especially now...just because we are all struggling with W/D doesnt mean we have lost the right to or ability to set boundaries for ourselves, indeed it is when it is perhaps most important as we are VULNERABLE!!! Would you consider giving her a wide birth for now (meaning just drop off the face of the planet and only respond to her when she contacts you) You WILL go on to resume your friendship in time if it is strong enough....does she understand anything about withdrawal??Your health must come first...I hope you are okSC

[mattinsmom]

Hi

With my friend I have talked about space, respect, and the boundary that for now she needs to be the one reaching out and showing effort. I told her that I will no longer expect anything from her and that way I wont be disappointed. She said her luck she will still manage to f-it up and disappoint me. I am trying so hard to follow the boundaries I set. It's a killer.

 

She is on the other side of the country until next week I have some time to have physical distance. Today was much better for me health-wise and it scares me to think how influential this relationship might be. Don't have to figure it out today tho.

 

She left today and I am so disappointed with myself because I still kept checking the clocks waiting for texts, and then leaping to get to the phone, to see that she had landed safe and sound. She didn't have to text - I made that very clear, but she did and then I cried because that's just what I do now.

 

What did you do to help with creating and maintaining your space with sister? How did you deal with the heartache and confusion over what's best at that moment?

 

Thanks

[mattinsmom]

Today's update:

 

I managed to eat 3 meals yesterday! I was zonked out around 1:30am. My sleep was restless, I know I dreamed but don't remember anything else. Dreaming is really a stand-out for me because I so rarely do it since benzos. I had "flu-like" symptoms this morning but they were short-lived. I've got a little bit of a headache but I haven't been able to eat today. At the moment I am craving McDonalds and my son is bringing me a burger, fries, and a milkshake. Not healthy but I have found that when I am craving something it will usually stay in. We will see.

 

Having mixed feelings with my friend being away. My head is running too much and I'm trying not to get caught in creating stories or predictions. Surfing here has helped and I will be turning on the tv soon. Passive (mostly) mind-numbing is my goal for now. I'm thinking too much for meditation. I'll give that another shot tomorrow. 

 

I have been insanely tired. I've gone from bed to bath to couch. I'm just exhausted but after the days of too much energy/agitation it seems fitting.

 

I am one step/day closer to better.  

[mattinsmom]

Dear Amy

 

I know things are really hard and confusing right now. Honey, it won't always be this way. Your emotions are real but the hurt is compounded by the changes your brain is making to recover. This is a sign that you are healing. Your body is working to bring you back to you.

 

It will get better. This is passing even as you type. Its time to dry your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and sleep. Tomorrow morning you will awaken feeling better. This moment will have passed.

 

This can be,will be, conquered.

Love Amy

[Sweetcreature]

Amy what a lovely idea, be GENTLE with yourself...try if you can to forget your friend for now and trust that you will re establish your friendship when things are easier for you  Mc Donalds and Milkshake??  I say go for it if you crave it, eat slowly though!!

 

I love the letter your wrote yourself...I too am keeping a journal and plan to make a scrap book of this hell as a harsh reminder to myself if in the future I feel the need or desire to try another SSRI..than

 

You asked about my sister and our relationship - well for a while I ignored her...yes that's right....months and months (it hurt me and it hurt her) I didnt mean to hurt her but like your friend, i put MYSELF first...saying that - I was a lot more 'stable' back then...well seemingly stable...in a sort of haze or la la land from SSRI's but you know what I mean....you are much more vulnerable than that right now but I really think that your letter to yourself makes sense and that if you put yourself first you will recover (emotionally) much faster...

 

Wishing you luck - glad youre eating

 

SC

[mattinsmom]

Thanks SC

McDonalds was awesome   So were the pizza rolls and the chocolate cake. Yup. It was good. I ate much healthier today tho, 3-meals and I just hit 100lbs (yay). I am also very, very tired. Its been a rainy/gloomy day and that never helps. 

 

Curious - I am experiencing the return of hot flashes. It isn't anything terrible, more like warm fuzzies, but they had been gone for a little while. Its not related to menopause and I am thinking the med changes are also changing my adrenals/endocrine functions. 

[mattinsmom]

I'm feeling much better today. The exhaustion has left and I was able to get a few errands done today. I had one moment this morning when I thought I was going to lose b-fast but I pulled thru w/o incident. The most troubling symptom, mostly the only symptom, that I am having today is chest pain. I feel like I was kicked in the chest and now someone is sitting on it. I know that I am fine but it really hurts. I'm thinking that I need a better method of keeping track of symptoms. I'm to general in my methodology. 

[mattinsmom]

Observation. I took my am meds at 10:30(ish) as usual. I'm not sure when the crushing chest pain came on but I remember noticing it at 1:30 and it steadily increased. I did take as asprin at 3:30, because of course I was having a heart attack - not. As I see above I was still hurting at 6:30. Around 8 I noticed a decrease and by 10 it was gone. I took my meds at 10:30(ish), usual time. I am starting to feel a little tender. Just an observation I want to keep track of. 

[mattinsmom]

1:30, tender chest was fleeting and never really amounted to much. Could have very easily been that I was tense with my dog for his incessant barking. Both my boys had company which therefore means he must bark and weave in/out of people's feet. And of course everyone arrived and was leaving at the same times. But for now, its all good. I'm heading to bed. Not sleepy but we will see what happens. Rest is better than nothing.

[mammaP]

Amy I am so glad you are feeling better and that you enjoyed your meal, it sounds yummy.

Glad the chest pain didn't get any worse too. Hope you had a restful night. 

[mattinsmom]

Sleep was not my friend last night! That **** Mr. Sandman was nowhere to be found. I had trouble falling asleep. I had trouble staying asleep. I felt like I was going to puke. My entire body hurt. And, I had nightmares. For God's sake - I rarely get to dream at all and then that's what I get?!?!?!?  Humph!

 

However, I no longer feel like vomiting and my body is only mildly achy. More like I can't find a comfortable position. Best thing - no chest pain. I'm happy with that. 

[mtnbkr]

Wow, Amy. Every time I read your posts I am struck by what a strong a courageous woman you are!! I hope that you have a quiet, uneventful day today, and that rest and sleep will come more easily tonight. Smiles, mtnbkr.

[mattinsmom]

Thanks mtnbkr.

 

I am having an uneventful day. I am having an absolute "I cannot move, concentrate , stay awake" day. Apparently I am having an "I can't spell day" too because word check is having a field day with all the little red squiggly lines. I don't even want to think what this would look like if left to my own typing.

 

I was sitting here in my chair, wrapped in a blanket, eyes closed, and I thought "Well at least this [withdrawal] crap is almost over". I think I was falling asleep because I knew that something was wrong with that statement but I couldn't figure out just what it was. It took a couple minutes and then Wham! Umm, no. I am not even close to finished with any w/d. Oh well, it was a lovely thought while it lasted :/

 

I am noticing that I am insanely tired today, rather blah, and noting that yesterday I took (prn) .5mg. of lorazapam. Of course Lorazapam doesn't make me tired at night when its time for bed, but it does take the edge off. I'm also thinking things I would rather not. I have done a couple of things to "change the channel" (thanks Alto). They're just not quite sticking. But I have other ideas. Right now I am going to surf this site. There is always something new going on. 

[Meimeiquest]

I'm in your boat today. With all sorts of stuff around me that need done. Wondering how I can make it through all the months/yeArs that remain to get off this stuff. But, really, there is no other choice.

[mattinsmom]

Vent and question

 

Too tired to stay awake

Too restless to fall asleep

Too hot to stand by the fire

Too cold to walk away from it

Too scattered to scattered to read, watch tv

Too much thinking without the diversion

Too hungry to skip dinner

Too nauseated to eat it  

Too much energy

Too weak to work out

Too ready to say f*** it

Too committed to give up now. 

 

Question, I know there is a name for the feeling of not being able to be still but I can't remember what it is in order to find a link. I am seriously too fatigued to even breathe and yet I "have to" move. Will someone give me the name of symptom or link please?

[Meimeiquest]

Is it akathisia? It can be physical and/or mental?

[mattinsmom]

Thanks. I will look it up. Interesting that you mentioned that it can maybe be physical and/or mental. Both would be fitting for me at the moment.

[Needmylifeback]

Well I finally was settled enough myself in my agitation and sick enough to be holding still to be able to read and catch up on your intro and the posts that followed!!

 

First: I had mouth sores and sores on my skin and in all mucous membranes incl ears and nose (the most painful) as a reaction to naproxen. Drs had never heard of it.... But luckily NIH and CDC had!!

 

Second: a psychiatrist gave that exact same advice to my husband of 20yrs (do only what feels good to you... Ignore guilt over the damage you do to others) and we ended up divorcing bc of it all.

 

Third: I have struggled with keeping in the food I eat for six years.... With drs and ERs all telling me I must have food poisoning or a tummy bug.... What virus lasts ten months?! None

Finally found a think outside the box dr and he detoxed my diet and gave me an anti inflammatory diet plan.... Worked great!! Eating for the first time in years... Safely! But my pain clinic decided I had to change from Xanax to buspar this fall.... And buspar took what little appetite I could muster!! I could Not force myself to eat a single bite of anything for weeks and weeks.

 

I am sorry for all the flux going on in your life!! I relate to that as well.... And I only recently realized that my "difficult" mother on whom I have never been able to rely but who uses any and ALL of my personal belongings and possessions as resources for her to reallocate to the more favored "in need" children of our family.... Is actually a borderline personality. When I was left divorced and bedridden from massive traumatic injury (I was thinking now surely *I* will be the one in need everyone else steps up to help!) she not only was not there for me she actively did things to make my already difficult life HELL. And of all the family I have served for decades at great personal cost: not one person lifted a finger to support or help me or my poor kids left to care for me on their own. Plus my mother has lied and kept me disconnected from all ext family.... So everyone thinks I am perfectly fine and when there is a bump she is here and taking care of everything!! She isn't. Not once in my life has she been. And there is nothing that can or will ever change that reality. Maybe something to consider for your friend.... Is there an underlying dynamic to the relationship that could point you towards a possible reason for the chroni ups and downs in your relationship??

 

If I read the wellbutrin taper correctly.... You took the second drop to ease the overall mental and physical irritability it was causing?? I can certainly understand that! But I am new to all this.... I followed my neuro drs instructions as he put me on too many drugs and even more quickly ripped them away. Now a few years later a pain clinic puts me on Xanax then expects me to make multiple drops of 50% or greater of the original dose every two weeks .... Leaving me suicidal. And he is angry at me for not going off it faster.

 

I did take a huge cut off the top of the buspar (Rxd to replace the Xanax) bc it left me feeling toxic. I could not handle the blackouts, swelling of my liver, and inability to put anything in my mouth or stomach. I needed that drug dose down!!! Asap. That was just three weeks ago.... So far okay. But I wouldn't have taken the chance except I could not keep knowingly putting that toxin in my body.... Knowing the consequences I would suffer from taking it.

 

Now if we can all just hang in there until the sun is shining warm again!!

[mattinsmom]

Well I finally was settled enough myself in my agitation and sick enough to be holding still to be able to read and catch up on your intro and the posts that followed!!First: I had mouth sores and skin and all mucous membranes incl ears and nose (the most painful) as a reaction to naproxen. Drs had never heard of it.... But luckily NIH and CDC had!!Second: a psychiatrist gave that exact same advice to my husband of 20yrs (do only what feels good to you... Ignore guilt over the damage you do to others) and we ended up divorcing bc of it all.Third: I have struggled with keeping in the food I eat for six years.... With drs and ERs all telling me I must have food poisoning or a tummy bug.... What virus lasts ten months?! None :PFinally found a think outside the box dr and he detoxed my diet and gave me an anti inflammatory diet plan.... Worked great!! Eating for the first time in years... Safely! But my pain clinic decided I had to change from Xanax to buspar this fall.... And buspar took what little appetite I could muster!! I could Not force myself to eat a single bite of anything for weeks and weeks.I am sorry for all the flux going on in your life!! I relate to that as well.... And I only recently realized that my "difficult" mother who I have never been able to rely but who uses any of my personal belongings and possessions as resources for her to reallocate to the more favored "in need" children of our family.... Is actually a borderline personality. When I was left divorced and bedridden from massive traumatic injury she not only was not there for me she actively did things to make my already difficult life HELL. And of all the family I have served for decades at great personal cost: not one person lifted a finger to support or help me or my poor kids left to care for me on their own. Plus my mother has lied and kept me disconnected from all ext family.... So everyone thinks I am perfectly fine and when there is a bump she is here and taking care of everything!! She isn't. Not once in my life has she been. And there is nothing that can or will ever change that reality. Maybe something to consider for your friend.... Is there an underlying dynamic to the relationship that could point you towards a possible reason for the chroni ups and downs in your relationship??If I read the wellbutrin taper correctly.... You took the second drop to ease the overall mental and physical irritability it was causing?? I can certainly understand that! But I am new to all this.... I followed my neuro drs instructions as he put me on too many drugs and even more quickly ripped them away. Now a few years later a pain clinic puts me on Xanax then expects me to make multiple drops of 50% or greater of the original dose every two weeks .... Leaving me suicidal. And he is angry at me for not going off it faster.I did take a huge cut off the top of the buspar (Rxd to replace the Xanax) bc it left me feeling toxic. I could not handle the blackouts, swelling of my liver, and inability to put anything in my mouth or stomach. I needed that drug dose down!!! Asap. That was just three weeks ago.... So far okay. But I wouldn't have taken the chance except I could not keep knowingly putting that toxin in my body.... Knowing the consequences I would suffer from taking it.Now if we can all just hang in there until the sun is shining warm again!!

You are yet another person I have learned had a relationship with a person whose therapist pulled the "your life, no guilt" crap. I do completely believe that we are all responsible for our lives, our choices, and our happiness. However, I also believe that we have a higher obligation to care for our loved ones, to occasionally put someone else's needs before ours, and that balance is often achievable. I think the advice is sound in a broad sense but not in a literal, verbatim sense. mho

 

I don't have extended family. I have a (1/2)sister living in SC (16hrs away) and while she is my sister and I would do whatever it took to help her, we really don't see each other very often. We talk a little, maybe monthly check-ins and then the "like" on facebook posts. Her life played a little differently than mine but I lost my entire family, even my dog, in less than 3 months following my mom's death. I was 15. By 16/17 I was back with maternal grandparents and was able to legally force my step-dad to allow  minimal contact with my sister. At 19 I'd moved to another state and started over.

 

Sometimes I think that in some ways its nice not to have extended family. I have my spouse and my kids and my friend(?). I am sorry that your mother is  not able to be supportive and is instead at minimum neglectful of your needs. 

 

Welbutrin, yes, the 2nd drop was because of extreme physical alerting. When I dropped I ended up having massive emotional breakdowns so went back up. That stopped the neuro-emotion but I alerted again. This time we tried decreasing Lamictal and all the alerting stopped. I think that was the right decision. Of course there are issues but the alerting has stopped and I am putting weight back on. This whole thing is a mess but it was a mess getting on meds too so go figure. If I were having significant symptoms, like your passing out and liver swelling, I would choose a different route and probably drop much faster. The hard part is figuring out what causes the least harm and I believe that is a person by person thing. I'm sorry that you had to take that chance and happy to hear that you are doing ok. 

 

And yes - summer and sunshine will be welcomed!!!!!

 

Thanks for taking the time to share your story. 

[Needmylifeback]

Oh.... And I was planning to say "screw your pdoc!! Claim you do "need" the meds.... Get what you need to work with.... And wean off anyway so you can throw it back at him and walk out his door forever!" so I am glad you did call and get refills to work with!! Who cares what he thinks?? It's your body and your life.... Take it back and have the last laugh when you do what he said you couldn't do!!

[mattinsmom]

I'm not sure if this completely belongs here. Its 2-fold. Part is very specific to my healing journey and part is a little more random. Maybe someone can suggest best approach. General med thoughts.

 

1st thing, and Alto if I could get your opinion too it would be much appreciated. I'm questioning the timing of my Lamictal and lorazapam.

 

Lamictal is 150 in am and 175pm. lorazapam is 2mg pm. I find that I drag thru my days and then start to perk around 8. I know that has to do with body hormonal rhythms but when I take my meds at 10:30 I really start to feel better. I don't want to say its energetic, not hyper but more aware, alert. My thinking is clearer and I am not so overwhelmed by every little thing. I feel "normal". I feel physically comfortable..with the huge exception of sleep. With the Lamictal I am wondering if I should be taking the 175 in the am and the 150pm. Or, split to 125 each? 

 

Lorazapam was prescribed for sleep. I don't sleep well, never have. Over the years I've gone from 2mg to 6mg and everywhere in-between. Its been up/down. I've been on 2mg for a few years now. Back in March I started having major trouble with sleep. By June pdoc was messing with increasing lamictal, adding trazadone and very short and temporary ct of lorazapam etc. It was ugly and short-lived. I do not take trazadone.  And, I am still not sleeping.

 

But, and this is a big but, while lorazapam doesn't do squat to help me with sleep  I do believe that the lorazapam is a lot of why I feel "normal" at night. When I have taken it (.5 - 1) prn during the day it has calmed whatever crisis but not made me sleepy. I'm questioning if I should take it in the morning or space it out differently.

 

That still leaves me with not sleeping well. My days and nights have steadily reversed. I don't do well with supplements. I typically have a very short amount of success but then they poop out. That is if I'm not having allergic reactions. Tubs wake me up. Exercise wakes me up. Dark room, computers off, meditation, tried it all and I feel I've rested but not slept. Reiki doesn't do it, shamanic work doesn't do it tho they do quiet my damn head sometimes. I've even just laid there and waited it out. I will say that hearing stories on "The Moth" really help and I am turning to those more. 

 

I know that 3mg of lorazapam at one time will get me to sleep. Dilemma, do I dare ask my pdoc for more, knowing its a benzo, until my sleep is stable and other meds have stablized/tapered. I don't really want to increase on some levels but I do on others. I think that the tapers and life in general with its current crap will be easier to get through with the additional med. On days that I've taken the prn things have gone more smoothly (I think) and I know that sleeping is huge for me. 

I'm confused???

 

General question that might get more feedback in symptoms? How the hell do I explain this to pdoc? Is there a poetic way to say that I want to continue to taper at a slow rate (which goes against his every grain)? That I am confused about timing things (thus asking for help)?  And, that at the same time I would, maybe, like to visit the idea of increasing lorazapam for sleep? 

 

Or am I simply out of my mind tonight and should just go to bed? My pdoc appointment is on Monday (we had snow today). I took my pm meds at 10:15 and I feel pretty good and not sleepy. I feel better than I have all day. I even want a snack. What the hell is going on with me?

[Cryptopsy]

Your doctor sounds like such a tool. I wish you good luck in the future.

[mattinsmom]

Your doctor sounds like such a tool. I wish you good luck in the future.

He's a peach. And thank you.

[Altostrata]

It's possible the evening lamotrigine is interfering with sleep. That can be a side effect.

 

You might gradually move 25mg from the evening dose up to the morning, by taking the 25mg a couple of hours earlier every day.

[mattinsmom]

It's possible the evening lamotrigine is interfering with sleep. That can be a side effect.You might gradually move 25mg from the evening dose up to the morning, by taking the 25mg a couple of hours earlier every day.

Thanks - and thanks for the reminder to move it slowly and not all at once

[mammaP]

Hope moving the lamotregine helps Amy, Akathisia is terrible and I'm thankful I don't suffer with it. 

I had a bad time with it years ago and have much sympathy for everyone who is struggling with it. 

[mattinsmom]

Sleep again did not visit. I wasn't worried about not falling asleep, no anxiety, just awake. At 6am I was wondering if it would be better to stay awake and hope to be tired enough to sleep tonight. My concern with that was I'd already been up 20+ hours and was looking at a potential of adding another 15. I wouldn't dare nap in the afternoon. I suppose 35hrs awake would not have been the end of the world but I'm on a 'leaning toward hypomanic-ish' edge and I don't think it would take too much to push me over. What I didn't think to do until just this second was to get up and have a magnesium drink. Duh! I was too busy thinking that at least I was resting. Double Duh!

 

I am happy(?) to say that I did finally shhh myself to sleep. Yes, I just whispered shhhh over and over and over and.... I managed 4-hours. It was disrupted and anxious sleep but sleep nonetheless. 

 

I woke up with anxiety/dread and that isn't typical for me. It was short lived. I was a little worried because I take Wellbutrin in the am but it hasn't caused a prob. I'm starting to think that my meds are all acting paradoxically. My body often reacts and runs opposite of how it "should" so it wouldn't be surprising. Calm now tho and grateful for that. 

 

I am slowly moving 25mg of Lamictal to my am dose. I took it an hour early last night. Hopefully when it gets closer to the am sleep will improve. 

 

My weight is back up to 100.4lbs. Yay for Christmas cookies   I watched a blue jay back down to a woodpecker in my bird feeder earlier. I've never seen the jays back down to anything before. Silly but amusing.