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☼ Mattinsmom: update


mattinsmom

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It's possible the evening lamotrigine is interfering with sleep. That can be a side effect. You might gradually move 25mg from the evening dose up to the morning, by taking the 25mg a couple of hours earlier every day.

Lamotrigine does interfere with sleep for me, especially when I was on higher doses. I tried to time my doses so they weren't too close to bedtime.

 

Lorazepam is short-acting, so you might want to consider doing multiple daily dosing with that, to keep blood levels more even and forestall interdose withdrawal symptoms.  I wouldn't recommend increasing it; you're already on a fairly high dose, for one, but mainly because tolerance develops with benzos and although an increase might help temporarily, after a few weeks of taking it regularly it will lose effectiveness but you will then be addicted to a higher dose which you will have to taper off eventually.

 

I am still of the opinion that what will help you most at this point is making few or no changes and allowing your CNS to stabilize. Everything you describe (insomnia, alterting, cognitive problems) can be caused and certainly exacerbated by withdrawal. I do understand that it's a constant balance between the bad effects of the meds and the bad effects of withdrawal. But over time, with much observation of people going through this, I have increasingly come to believe that tweaking the meds, once a person is already destabilized and experiencing withdrawal, is likely to do more harm than good. Once everything's destabilized and chaotic it's hard to predict what a med will do. They just aren't that precise, they don't have such predictable effects.

 

Gotta run now but could elaborate on that more later if you're interested. Mainly thinking, the place to look isn't "how can I tweak the meds to get rid of these symptoms" because in my experience that approach doesn't usually lead to solid results except in people who are already stable (and even then the results can be paradoxical and unpredictable if there's any history of withdrawal already.)

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Just reread my post and it sounds like I'm saying, don't try moving your doses around to different times of day. That's not what I meant, I think that can be helpful, especially if you can spread them out and keep blood levels smoother and more even, or avoid taking something stimulating before sleep. Just do it slowly, don't mix it with other med changes at the same time, and keep a journal to see what patterns emerge. And did I mention, do it slowly. Very gradually.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Just reread my post and it sounds like I'm saying, don't try moving your doses around to different times of day. That's not what I meant, I think that can be helpful, especially if you can spread them out and keep blood levels smoother and more even, or avoid taking something stimulating before sleep. Just do it slowly, don't mix it with other med changes at the same time, and keep a journal to see what patterns emerge. And did I mention, do it slowly. Very gradually.

You're too funny. Yes, you mentioned slowly  :)

 

I think I was complaining more than anything else about increasing the lorazapam. I don't plan to increase. I even told my best friend that I can't see her for awhile because I don't know how to handle the anxiety w/o extra lorazapam (long story). I said that its not ok, on so many levels, to need meds to spend time with my friend so for now I need to physically stay away from the stress. I really don't want to take any more meds than I have to. 

 

I would like to stay on the med levels that I am at it just gets so confusing. I'm finding that I can handle (deal with) the side effects more easily as I learn that other people experience them and live to tell.  My biggest exception is for weight loss and heart stuff. I've lost a lot of muscle tone w/ the weight and I know that my heart is a muscle. Sometimes it just pounds and races and I lose my breath. Its all so scary. I've had every test possible done and the results are always fine. My weight really must stay in triple digits and at the moment I'm just over 100. 

 

I'm scattered and rambling, probably not the best time to try to figure anything out.  I just talked with my friend a few hours ago so right now it hurts so much that I kinda want to die. BUT, I did not take any extra meds and I do not plan to.  

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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It's possible the evening lamotrigine is interfering with sleep. That can be a side effect. You might gradually move 25mg from the evening dose up to the morning, by taking the 25mg a couple of hours earlier every day.

Lamotrigine does interfere with sleep for me, especially when I was on higher doses. I tried to time my doses so they weren't too close to bedtime.

 

Lorazepam is short-acting, so you might want to consider doing multiple daily dosing with that, to keep blood levels more even and forestall interdose withdrawal symptoms.  I wouldn't recommend increasing it; you're already on a fairly high dose, for one, but mainly because tolerance develops with benzos and although an increase might help temporarily, after a few weeks of taking it regularly it will lose effectiveness but you will then be addicted to a higher dose which you will have to taper off eventually.

 

I am still of the opinion that what will help you most at this point is making few or no changes and allowing your CNS to stabilize. Everything you describe (insomnia, alterting, cognitive problems) can be caused and certainly exacerbated by withdrawal. I do understand that it's a constant balance between the bad effects of the meds and the bad effects of withdrawal. But over time, with much observation of people going through this, I have increasingly come to believe that tweaking the meds, once a person is already destabilized and experiencing withdrawal, is likely to do more harm than good. Once everything's destabilized and chaotic it's hard to predict what a med will do. They just aren't that precise, they don't have such predictable effects.

 

Gotta run now but could elaborate on that more later if you're interested. Mainly thinking, the place to look isn't "how can I tweak the meds to get rid of these symptoms" because in my experience that approach doesn't usually lead to solid results except in people who are already stable (and even then the results can be paradoxical and unpredictable if there's any history of withdrawal already.)

 

 

Lamictal is 150 in am and 175pm. lorazapam is 2mg pm. I find that I drag thru my days and then start to perk around 8. I know that has to do with body hormonal rhythms but when I take my meds at 10:30 I really start to feel better. I don't want to say its energetic, not hyper but more aware, alert. My thinking is clearer and I am not so overwhelmed by every little thing. I feel "normal". I feel physically comfortable..with the huge exception of sleep. With the Lamictal I am wondering if I should be taking the 175 in the am and the 150pm. Or, split to 125 each? 

 

I just realized that I wrote this the night before last. I did not mean to say that I wanted to take 125 am and 125 pm. OMG - 75mg drop...no. What I meant to say was should I split the 25mg between my am and pm doses. At the moment I am slowly working the 25mg closer to the am. I took it at 9 tonight. I can see why you would think that I was tapering way too fast! 

 

I find it interesting that you say my lorazapam dose is fairly high. My pdoc said that anything under 6mg isn't significant at all. Go figure. I do like your idea of spreading it out more during the day (24hrs) to keep blood levels more even. The pills are easy enough to break up. 

 

Thanks for your support :)

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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I had my appointment with my psychiatrist and he said "Just tell me what you need, I won't let you run out of pills"  How's that for a change?!?!?!?!?!!!! He was a completely different man from our last visit. I can stay at the dose I'm at for as long as I want. I don't have to keep calling monthly for each medication - these have refills. I don't have to worry about the Wellbutrin running out. He's ordering me lower doses so that I don't have to cut/quarter so much. This feels nice. 

 

I did start to spread out the lorazapam by .25 in am and .25@4:00. Then I do the 1.5 at bedtime. I'm going to stay here for awhile before I move anymore/if I move anymore. This seemed to work well. I managed to sleep last night (yay) and today actually felt more settled. Less up/down. I saw my chiropractor and he always helps. I had one meltdown but it was appropriate for the situation. And, I got the f-ing groceries, by myself, in freezing rain! Booh Yah! 

 

I also noticed that I have reached the age where I know all the words to all the songs playing in the store :(   I probably reached it awhile ago and didn't know because I didn't shop. Of course today's theme was love songs 'cause Lord knows that's what I need to hear right now. NOT. That contributed to the mood before the meltdown but it passed. I felt it, sat with it, let it move thru, cried it out, and moved on with my day. 

 

Time for jammies. 

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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Congratulations on winning over your pdoc! I'll bet it is because he sees you succeeding. When I saw the new pdoc she said something interesting. I explained to her that my PCP had been writing my scripts but "I think he keeps a bed ready for me (at a local mental hospital) with the sheets turned down." She smiled and said she only hospitalizes a patient as a last report. She said "I feel like I've failed when a patient goes into the hospital." And I am thinking that perspective drives a lot of the behavior that drives us crazy.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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Which perspective, the dr keeping a bed ready or the doctor seeing hospitalization as a personal failure? 

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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#2

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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Meime - I wonder what would happen if rather than seeing things as a personal successes or failures, doctors of any kind could see it/life/healing as a process? Maybe there is a mistake or a step backwards but that doesn't mean personal failure. 

 

 

My check in - the last few days have been rough, really rough, on a purely emotional level and one fitting the circumstances. Grief is hard enough. I'm starting to see the connection between the past unresolved grief of my mom's unexpected death and the grief of losing (not physically) my best friend and strongest support. They were both my "safe place" and both went, to varying degrees, without any warning. I guess that life will give us repeat opportunities to learn lessons. I am absolutely feeling growing pains but even at their worst, and there have been some truly ugly moments, I think I prefer this to the numbing disconnect of medication. 

 

Even tho the area of loss in my life is excruciatingly painful I think I am in a window. Things seems to be understandable, I'm not disoriented. I am able to see that the ground beneath me did not actually disappear even tho it may feel like it. I can see that it won't always hurt this much. It is like I am able to take a step back and look at a bigger part of the picture without disappearing or shutting down. Yay me, I think?

 

Oh, and I am just shy of 101lbs. Absolute yay to Christmas cookies! Now I just have to keep moving in that direction for a little longer.

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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Yay for you, through the pain. The Harm Reduction calls it a custodial attitude, feeling responsible for the outcome.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

Link to comment

I'm doing fairly well. I have to say I am quite sure I am in a window and quite grateful to be here. I've been sleeping and that is always such a game changer for me. 

I've also realized that I've stopped apologizing for my emotions. Sometimes they make obvious sense, sometimes it takes a little effort to see where they are really coming from  but they are what they are, and they are to whatever extent they are, and that is all that matters. I feel them. I go thru them. I move on. They come back and visit here and there but healing emotions takes time. 

 

Christmas cookies are gone and so is the weight. I'm frustrated with that. I don't think that it is reasonable to eat 1/2-dozen cookies + just to stay above 100. Not sure what to do with this information exactly but will keep trying different combinations of food. I did wake up hungry today and that is a step in the right direction. 

 

Talked with my friend yesterday. It is hard. It is uncomfortable. I survived. We are going to have to work something out because my oldest wants her to be here for his 21st birthday in a week. She is family and should be here. She has been like another parent since he was 4. If I ever asked him, he would not have her come but I refuse to put him in that position simply because 2 supposed adults can't get their **** together long enough to celebrate something this important to him.

 

I suppose we all have family members that we aren't always thrilled to see. I'll be ok. I'm going to spend some time this week building myself up. I have skills and resources available to me that I've been too lazy, angry, apathetic, etc, etc to use and its time for me to bring them back into my life.  And I'll be reminding myself that she means no harm. She is not a threat, we are just in a crappy place and a couple of hours isn't going to kill me. There will be other people at the house too so there is diversion.

 

That's where I am at. Slight headache today but we've had bizarre weather and I think it is mostly connected to the air pressure.  

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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  • Administrator

Certainly you can find some yummy fattening foods to maintain your weight! How about mashed sweet potatoes with butter?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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Alto

 

People tease that I butter my butter :)  We're having beef stew for dinner and that is good and hearty. My weight has been a struggle since last spring. It started as a drop 10, go up 5, stay there for a little while and repeat. Now I am doing the drop 5, go up 3, stay there for a little while and repeat. It wasn't that long ago that I was 101 and today I am 98. I haven't weight 98 pounds since I was 10.  Yes the cookies changed things up but my diet otherwise has only improved. My thyroid has been checked. Everything has been checked. Its frustrating and scary. Your sweet potato idea makes me think that adding starches might be a really good thing to do now. Its probably time to get back to the McDs milkshakes too. Not healthy but they help.

 

I'll be ok. I'm pretty sure at this point in life that I bounce.:)   

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Just checking in to say hi...it sounds like you're stabilizing a bit, that's great! Please don't change up any meds for a while, other than arranging doses to keep blood levels smooth.

 

Like most people I wish I could lose weight rather than gain it.  Supposedly carbs and fat combined are the best way to put on weight. I imagine you know more about that than I do, though.

 

Glad you're feeling a bit better!

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Glad you are feeling better Amy andthat you have your pdoc onside at last. He must

see that what you are doing is working. :)

Milkshakes are good for weight gain, full fat milk is high in calories and good for you. :)

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment

Rhi and mommaP  thanks for checking in on me. I am feeling better. A couple of sad moments today but I am grieving and to think there won't be moments of sad (and every other possible emotion) is setting myself up for a nasty fall. Sad visited. I sat with it. It left. I laughed and played with a puppy too. You know - life, I'm just living it. Its new for me to sit with any emotion and I'm learning that they do pass. i just keep reminding myself that I'm a'ight. 

 

No med changes until after Peru at soonest (May). Of course I want to be done now. Not going to happen. I figure at some point in life we all have to learn to live with "want". There aren't quick fixes for everything and instant gratification often leaves as quickly as it comes. 

 

Right now I am in an ok place and grateful to be here. 

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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Feeling a little pissy at the moment. Just found out that insurance doesn't cover the vaccinations that I need to travel. That part I understand, don't like, but understand. What I cannot wrap my head around is how the actual vaccine can be priced anywhere from $65 - $350+  I mean, what is the deciding factor on that? Do people in bigger cities get them cheaper because the city buys bulk? I can't imagine any city here in the US needing to buy vaccinations for Yellow Fever in bulk. Or, maybe it goes by how much they pump into your arm? Could it be by weight? If weight would be the case they could just wave the needle by my arm and I'd be good to go :)

 

My friend is stopping by for dinner and tea tomorrow. I'm a little anxious but ok. I've already set some boundaries and asked for a clear start and end time. And its structured time, not "hanging out". She wants to see the boys. I think that she just realized that she hasn't seen "family" since Christmas. They want to see her too. So do I, I'm just guarded. Will be exercising, eating right during the day, and meditating before she visits. I'm going to do a little extra "I'm good" prep work. Tomorrow is good time for us to break the surface also. My oldest turns 21 on Monday and wants her here for the family party. It would be really awkward if that was the first time we'd seen each other in 3-weeks. Rather have the awkward tomorrow. I can do this. 

 

Otherwise, all is good.  

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hope everything goes well today :) 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Awww, thanks mommP

 

Everything went better than ok. I rearranged my room so it feels new, clean, peaceful again. Of course I turned my bed so we will have to see how my head likes sleeping in another direction. Full moon might not have been the best night to start with that :)  

 

My friend came over. She arrived earlier than planned and I explained to her that it is very important for me that we stick to a schedule. Her coming early makes it too easy for me to start watching "just in case she's early" and then being disappointed if she's not. Her leaving late does the same thing where I will allow myself to wish (hope) that "maybe tonight she'll stay late too". It is a habit that I am trying very hard to break. I want to start with new clear understandings and I want my needs met too. I'm not ready to be casual or to hang or to play house. I'm still grieving and this is what I need to continue on my path for now. She was very respectful and understanding. I am so PROUD of myself for sticking to what I knew was best for me even tho it was hard and not necessarily what I wanted. Of course I would have rather hung out all night like old times but those times are gone and me reaching, grasping, isn't helping me. I feel stronger for having spoken my truth. 

 

She was able to see both boys and for a little bit we were all at the dinner table long enough to do "best part of the day" as a family. That was good. We even managed to squeeze in a neurofeedback session that went better than they'd been going before. She asked "have you noticed any changes in you that might be an influence?" I said "Everything about me is changing and its all good". The results showed a much calmer, clearer mind. I know it won't always be this way but today was splendid. So I had a hot fudge sundae with bananas and nuts and whipped cream to top it off. There better be some weight on this body by tomorrow. I've been exercising, eating (a lot for me), and trying really hard.

 

And I found the best song. Pherrill Williams "Happy". and it makes me happy. I wonder if I can link it in the other stuff forum. Hmmm. 

 

Soon to bed. 

 

Hoping that you are feeling a little better every day mommaP. I know these last few have been rough. But you did get a mighty fine coat ;)

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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I am learning so much about myself on this journey. Right this minute I'm feeling a bit of the ouch that didn't happen yesterday. Its ok. My friend said something that was completely innocent but still stung. It only hurt because of circumstance. Anyone else could have said the same thing and it wouldn't have even caught my attention. It wasn't even pertaining to me and yet I grabbed it and let it run in my mind. Its a good lesson tho. I recognized that I had given these thoughts free reign and decided to change the channel. (always a thanks to Alto for this)

 

I think it's weird that that when my heart is broken my chest actually hurts. Fascinating. What is interesting to me is that when my heart took that first hit and started to ouch just a little my immediate thought was Lorazapam. 

 

I don't need it for this. I don't want it. It has just become so ingrained in me that any uncomfortable emotion should be "treated". I believe that there is a time and a place but I have spent my life receiving medication for any hint of emotion. Learning to experience feelings is scary but I still think it is better than the alternative.

 

Breathing deeply, channel surfing, going to be ok. 

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

 

 

I don't need it for this. I don't want it. It has just become so ingrained in me that any uncomfortable emotion should be "treated". I believe that there is a time and a place but I have spent my life receiving medication for any hint of emotion. Learning to experience feelings is scary but I still think it is better than the alternative.

 

Breathing deeply, channel surfing, going to be ok. 

 

:-)

 

Yay! And it's just going to get better now. As long as you behave yourself and keep with the slow, controlled, stable tapering. (Don't forget, you're growing a new brain. Not something you want to rush.)

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Timing questions

 

I would like to adjust the time that I take my meds. I'm on a 10:30am,  4:00pm, 10:30pm schedule. I've noticed that I'm starting to get tired earlier in the evening but stay awake until my pm dose. By then I've gotten a second (3rd, 4th) wind and can't get to sleep until 2-3am. I'd like to get into a 9:00 pm/am pattern. My thought is that I can move entire doses back slowly as in 10:30s become 10:15s become 10:00s etc. Is this reasonable? What would be a good speed to go at? Would I need to change the 4:00pm med time too? My 4:00 is .25 lorazapam and 20mg Prilosec.

 

Thanks :)

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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  • Administrator

You could probably move them a half-hour at a time.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thanks :)

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

Link to comment

Glad youre doing ok Amy

 

SC 

May 2001 - age 24 given 20 mg seroxat. Tried to reduce myself after a year. Told by GP to take on alternate days and I would be fine. FAIL. Assumed 'wrong time' due to university stress and that my 'depression' must be worse than I thought.

Increased dose to 30 mg December 2002. Tried the same technique as before to reduce- made it down to a quarter tablet but couldn't stand symptoms, had a sneaking suspicion that it was due to tablets but never considered dependency - 'depression is a diseased brain after all' (is what I was told)

 

Continued until October 2010 - tried to CT and managed to last five months - assumed the depression was really bad but had no understanding of the reason for awful anxiety. Ran back to GP started Prozac- went crazy thought I was going to die. Stopped Prozac after two weeks.

April 2010 Started sertraline. Stablished but felt numbed.

September 2010 Asked for seroxat again. Upped my dose to 30 after three weeks. Felt hyper, caffeinated, but functional. Glad to be over what I thought was 'depression'..

Realised it is the meds, want to be free at last - July 2012 started 10% taper from original dose and took supplements. Took suppliments sporadically and despite the temptation the taper, wanted it 'over with'. Taper took exactly six months and 10 days.

Reductions were as follows:
First 2 weeks- 27 mg
Next 2- 24mg
Next 2- 21 mg
Next 2- 18mg
Next 2 15 mg
Next 2 12 mg (held for four weeks due to house move from London back to Ireland)
Next 2 weeks- 9 mg
Next 2 weeks- 6 mg
Next 2- weeks 3 mg
Next 2 weeks 1.5 mg (held for 5 weeks as scared)
10th February 2013 Jumped to zero

Within 3 weeks sadness, led to anxiety.  Restarted suppliments - helped a bit.  Stressful move to London. A lot of fatigue and DEEP emotions. Crying LOTS. Took suppliments on and off, moved back to Ireland after being back in London for only eight weeks as felt too sad and unsettled. 

 

No suppliments when moved back.  Unhappy at being back, scared I wouldn't ever find happiness - deep deep sadness, anger, STUPIDLY went back to doctor and decided I must just be a 'depressive'.  Given Citalopram/Celexa 20mg.

 

Took it for seven days, changed my mind, decided to be 'strong' and put it behind me. (No particularly adverse effects that I recall, save for day 5 having inner vibrations in arms and legs) Still had pack of tablets however and every time emotions got hard felt I had to 'go back onto tablets'.  I did this from July until November. (On them off them on them off them) ........

 

Started to get body vibrations and told myself it was 'anxiety' and I was 'giving myself panic attacks.  I continued to cry as I 'started' the tablets again and again - not wanting to go back there but not sure what else to do. 

 

More vibrations - but didn't make the connection that I had a compromised CNS -  thought it was anxiety....chest started to pound in Sept, vibrations continued...lost weight, became anxious, sleep was awful and I tried a variety of remedies to replace the tablets and calm my anxiety and lift my mood.  I think they made things worse.

 

(These included, St.Johns Wort, Rescue Remedy, Homeopathic treatments, Chinese herbs, Passiflora, and suppliments from the online company who state they are experts in assisting people get off meds)

 

Also did the following:

 

Talking therapy

Human Givens Therapy

Homeopathy

Narcotics Anonymous

 

October 23rd took Citalopram (20mg) for 12 days - no relief

 

November 6th Started Seroxat 10 mg (to be safe) stupidly upped to 20 the next day.

 

Stayed on 20 for 18 days, no relief, stopped for two days suddenly, relief came - short lived, vibrations and torture came after 72 hours.  Suicidal for days.  Upped to 30 thinking it would improved.  Even more suicidal.  Dropped to 20 again (December 9th) not suicidal, but not better. Started liquid 28th December reduced to 18 mg in effort to reduce and stabilise.  Don't know where to go from here.  Living with parents who are supportive beyond words.

Sweetcreature

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I want to chalk this off to a wave but I don't think it is. I think it is simply that reality is stupid. Generally speaking, I think people suck. I think that guided academic departments that cannot follow special ed learning, plans year after year, suck. I think that doctors who refuse to just call in the damn prescription suck. I think people who say they are there for you and aren't suck. Sometimes I really question the sanity of my decision to reduce/go off of my meds. People in "reality" are assholes. 

 

Looking for input - I take 225mg of Wellbutrin. I told this to pdoc. I explained that cutting the 150s was how I got to the dose. I said I wanted to stay on this dose. He said fine. He ordered me 200mg pills. Take 1 daily. So I have 30 pills. How the f***  am I supposed to make a 225mg dose out of 200mg tablets? And, how am I supposed to make a months supply worth? By the end of the month I'd still be 750mg short. Seriously, I had a working system. He couldn't just leave it alone????

 

GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

Link to comment

Grrrrr...sorry to hear that...Doctors are thick...we all realise that NOW of course.

 

Not having the best day either, some vibrations and chest pounds which is disappointing after a symptom free day yesterday

 

Sending you peaceful energy :-)

 

SC

May 2001 - age 24 given 20 mg seroxat. Tried to reduce myself after a year. Told by GP to take on alternate days and I would be fine. FAIL. Assumed 'wrong time' due to university stress and that my 'depression' must be worse than I thought.

Increased dose to 30 mg December 2002. Tried the same technique as before to reduce- made it down to a quarter tablet but couldn't stand symptoms, had a sneaking suspicion that it was due to tablets but never considered dependency - 'depression is a diseased brain after all' (is what I was told)

 

Continued until October 2010 - tried to CT and managed to last five months - assumed the depression was really bad but had no understanding of the reason for awful anxiety. Ran back to GP started Prozac- went crazy thought I was going to die. Stopped Prozac after two weeks.

April 2010 Started sertraline. Stablished but felt numbed.

September 2010 Asked for seroxat again. Upped my dose to 30 after three weeks. Felt hyper, caffeinated, but functional. Glad to be over what I thought was 'depression'..

Realised it is the meds, want to be free at last - July 2012 started 10% taper from original dose and took supplements. Took suppliments sporadically and despite the temptation the taper, wanted it 'over with'. Taper took exactly six months and 10 days.

Reductions were as follows:
First 2 weeks- 27 mg
Next 2- 24mg
Next 2- 21 mg
Next 2- 18mg
Next 2 15 mg
Next 2 12 mg (held for four weeks due to house move from London back to Ireland)
Next 2 weeks- 9 mg
Next 2 weeks- 6 mg
Next 2- weeks 3 mg
Next 2 weeks 1.5 mg (held for 5 weeks as scared)
10th February 2013 Jumped to zero

Within 3 weeks sadness, led to anxiety.  Restarted suppliments - helped a bit.  Stressful move to London. A lot of fatigue and DEEP emotions. Crying LOTS. Took suppliments on and off, moved back to Ireland after being back in London for only eight weeks as felt too sad and unsettled. 

 

No suppliments when moved back.  Unhappy at being back, scared I wouldn't ever find happiness - deep deep sadness, anger, STUPIDLY went back to doctor and decided I must just be a 'depressive'.  Given Citalopram/Celexa 20mg.

 

Took it for seven days, changed my mind, decided to be 'strong' and put it behind me. (No particularly adverse effects that I recall, save for day 5 having inner vibrations in arms and legs) Still had pack of tablets however and every time emotions got hard felt I had to 'go back onto tablets'.  I did this from July until November. (On them off them on them off them) ........

 

Started to get body vibrations and told myself it was 'anxiety' and I was 'giving myself panic attacks.  I continued to cry as I 'started' the tablets again and again - not wanting to go back there but not sure what else to do. 

 

More vibrations - but didn't make the connection that I had a compromised CNS -  thought it was anxiety....chest started to pound in Sept, vibrations continued...lost weight, became anxious, sleep was awful and I tried a variety of remedies to replace the tablets and calm my anxiety and lift my mood.  I think they made things worse.

 

(These included, St.Johns Wort, Rescue Remedy, Homeopathic treatments, Chinese herbs, Passiflora, and suppliments from the online company who state they are experts in assisting people get off meds)

 

Also did the following:

 

Talking therapy

Human Givens Therapy

Homeopathy

Narcotics Anonymous

 

October 23rd took Citalopram (20mg) for 12 days - no relief

 

November 6th Started Seroxat 10 mg (to be safe) stupidly upped to 20 the next day.

 

Stayed on 20 for 18 days, no relief, stopped for two days suddenly, relief came - short lived, vibrations and torture came after 72 hours.  Suicidal for days.  Upped to 30 thinking it would improved.  Even more suicidal.  Dropped to 20 again (December 9th) not suicidal, but not better. Started liquid 28th December reduced to 18 mg in effort to reduce and stabilise.  Don't know where to go from here.  Living with parents who are supportive beyond words.

Sweetcreature

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Your doctors and mine should be abducted by Wulfgang's aliens and dropped from a great height! 

Maybe experimented on and given a few doses of meds and shots of etc too!! ;)

 

Know what you mean though, sometimes the world seems to be filled with incompetent idiots, especially

in professional positions. You know what their greatest mistake is? They don't LISTEN.

 

Hope you can get something sorted out Amy, it must be very frustrating and I can feel it for you.

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Today my friend showed up at my house unannounced. This is the second time counting Thursday that she has not respected my boundaries on visits. Today I told her to leave. She did, immediately and without fuss. She understood why. Thru me off my game for a while now.

 

She is coming over later to celebrate my sons 21st birthday. I will not ask her not to come. It is too important to him. I texted her with perameters of when she can be here. Hoping she respects them.

 

I also have to get groceries and bake a double thick cheesecake. That pretty much means I will start getting anxious around 8am and should be in full on flipping out mode by 2 with panic attacks setting in by 4.

 

Somewhere in there I have to write to my other sons school about stuff they messed up.

 

Asking that prayers (if you pray) and supportive thoughts be sent my way. She'll be here between 5-9:30 US Eastern Standard Time

Wish me luck!

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

Link to comment

Today my friend showed up at my house unannounced. This is the second time counting Thursday that she has not respected my boundaries on visits. Today I told her to leave. She did, immediately and without fuss. She understood why. Thru me off my game for a while now.

 

She is coming over later to celebrate my sons 21st birthday. I will not ask her not to come. It is too important to him. I texted her with perameters of when she can be here. Hoping she respects them.

 

I also have to get groceries and bake a double thick cheesecake. That pretty much means I will start getting anxious around 8am and should be in full on flipping out mode by 2 with panic attacks setting in by 4.

 

Somewhere in there I have to write to my other sons school about stuff they messed up.

 

Asking that prayers (if you pray) and supportive thoughts be sent my way. She'll be here between 5-9:30 US Eastern Standard Time

Wish me luck!

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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Day started with crying in the grocery store (people are mean) and ended with me sitting here snot-nosed and covered in tissues. Wave time? 

Sometimes, like right now, I don't even know whats real. Are these my thoughts and feelings or are they just stupid psych drug bs? Hell, I don't even know what I'm thinking. 

Having a FML moment. Hoping its short-lived. 

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Well, pretty much everything you describe has always sounded like withdrawal to me. But that's not saying much since withdrawal has so many faces. 

 

Still, one of the most common faces is emotional volatility and neuro-emotion. Given your history I would say you can pretty much assume that your thinking and feelings are being drastically affected by withdrawal and the general neurochemical chaos caused by drug changes.

 

Given the doses that you're on and how long your history on psych meds has been, Amy, this is going to be a long process for you. You can get off these meds or at least get to more tolerable doses, but it's going to take a couple of years at the very least. Please try to be patient. I know that is way easier said than done.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Thanks Rhi

 

I know that this is going to be a very long journey. My hoping that it passes quickly was in reference to this particular wave. Its more like a tsunami. 

 

I'm in a miserable spot, I have to deal with miserable people, and its all over stupid ****.  Humph!

 

I did get a med issue straightened out today - on the first try! I don't know how, maybe the psych nurse was having a window moment ;)  But, the stupid **** that lead up to this is that I take Wellbutrin 225mg. I accomplish this by taking  one 150mg and cutting another. It has worked fairly well I think. My pdoc called in a prescription saying to take 1-1/2 daily. Well, the pharmacy didn't like that idea because you aren't "supposed" to cut an SR. so they told someone (pdoc/nurse) that the closest they could get was the 200mg tabs and got an ok to change the dose! So, yeah, just drop 25mg instantly was their idea of better than cutting a pill. I asked if we could just order it the way that we had been. Psych nurse said - I'll order you what you've been getting, and, well, you know you're not "supposed" to cut them. I'll pick them up in a couple of days. I have plenty until then. I'm keeping the 200s because I can cut those (much later when the time comes).

 

I think I am going to wallow in miserable for a little while longer. I might even provoke a tear or two, stomp my feet, and then maybe take a bath. 

I still don't know how much is real and how much is reaction. Waves suck. 

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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No tears today. I'm exhausted from the emotions of the past couple of days but no worse for the wear. 

 

Saw my therapist today. She rocks. My weight is still 98lbs and while we both know that emotions play a huge part in my eating/metabolism/weight, but not enough to totally account for it. She said she is concerned about some of the extreme emotions, particularly anger (rage) and suicidal thoughts. She questioned that the weight loss might be causing problems with how my meds work. I thought she was going to say that I needed to increase my meds to prevent emotional waves (damn neuro-emotions) but she didn't!!! She asked me to see my physician and have blood work done. That's it. She wants to find out what my levels are (electrolytes, iron, sugar) so that we can figure out ways to address those things w/o increasing/adding meds. Someone in "the field" is advocating that we rule out medical and or try to address medical so that meds can stay put for awhile. No up/no down. Just hold. Yay therapist!

 

I'm seeing my dr in the morning. Its good that I'm going. I want to talk to her about the heart stuff (pounding and I can actually see the beating thru my clothing) just for reassurance. And, coincidentally, I have an earache that I've been trying to ignore. 

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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Amy, have you done any digestive work past the big esophagus problem?

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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Meime

I've been checked from one end to the other multiple times. No gluten allergies. No sugar issues. No problems in stool samples- multiple samples over multiple months. No ulcers. No internal bleeding found. Positive only for gerd. Last head to toe exam was in October.

 

Any other thoughts come to mind to you? Can you think of something I could ask dr in the morning?

Current:

Lorazapam2mg: 4/9/152mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/1450mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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