Arshness: Wellbutrin Taper and a dilemma

[Altostrata]

You may wish to consider compounding Wellbutrin SR into lower doses in capsules.

 

Or, you might try making a liquid and see if the taste is as horrible as you expect. The drug will be quite diluted.

[Arshness]

Worst night in a long time. I couldn't sleep due to panic and anxiety. I couldn't. I laid there, used my calming techniques, tried reading to sleep, tried just forcing myself to relax... nothing.
I felt nerve twitches and I felt my heart "pounding/racing" also known as "beating noticably because I'm scared" and I couldn't rest.

I moved to fast I guess. I dropped my evening dose again. I guess it was too soon. I had let it go about 3 weeks and I got impatient because I"m on such a low dose now and it's feeling so steady... yes I made a mistake. 

So I'm up. I've not slept more than maybe 30 minutes when I dozed off earlier and woke back up with my leg twitching.


I have an interesting concept to report however...
I have noticed that my mind and my beliefs have immense power over my anxiety symptoms.
If I'm afraid of having a heart attack, I'll undoubtedly have chest pains, little vibrating sensations in my chest, or lots of rapid or heavy heart beating.
If I'm afraid of deep-vein thrombosis or a pulmonary embolism, I'll get a spot somewhere that I expect a blood clot to form that feels too warm and pinchy, or even that twitches at me. Usually the spots match diagrams I've seen of where a blood clot might form.
Etc. Etc. Etc.

Tonight, while trying to read myself to sleep, I happened to be reading a story in which a woman was suffering anxiety attacks after having been attacked by another person previously. She described a feeling of her throat tightening (something I've never experienced with my anxiety that I recall...) And sure enough... once I'd focused on the idea of that sensation, my throat started feeling tight and I couldn't breathe comfortably and had to get up again.

I really feel that this insists to me that it's possible to control it through mental discipline. 

I'm trying more and more. And really, for a while there, any anxiety I'd had, I'd squashed it down with mental self-control and determination... so I know this works. 
I just wonder... if our minds can create effects so real that our nervous system literally responds with twitching muscles, pain, and other reactions... what else can our minds do? 
It just really lead me to think about how incredibly positively we could put that control to use if we tried...

Maybe there's not much point to this post, except to say... tonight, despite the anxiety and panic and exhaustion... I felt I saw something positive that I could take from my experiences. Maybe something interesting to share even...
I don't know. But I thought it was an interesting thing to think about. 
What if we could control our bodies with our minds by choice? Obviously, we do it to a grand degree with our anxiety. Could we do it for more positive aims? 
I must remember the things like pain-management I did when having my daughter naturally, and things like physical stamina that we increase by choice... 
It's just food for thought. 

[Altostrata]

Sorry to hear you've hit a rough spot, Arshness.

 

Yes, many people learn to manage anxiety through non-drug techniques. I'm sure you can do this!