a4strain: Paxil CT, 6 months off, feeling worse

[a4strain]

Hey everyone - happy to have found this forum.

 

So the problems started soon after I switched from Lexapro to Paxil following a major anxiety episode in September 2011. A few months later, in spring 2012, I started noticing that my aerobic capacity was decreasing - I couldn't maintain my usual pace while doing things like running or hiking uphill. Then in about November of 2012 I also started feeling really fatigued after doing anything strenuous. This got worse until in spring of 2013 it was tiring me out just to walk around the block.

 

I was also starting to feel strange emotionally - I felt really desperate and hopeless for reasons I couldn't understand, and I just had this feeling that if things stayed on the trajectory they were on I wouldn't be alive for more than a few years. My energy levels kept deteriorating, and one day after being unable to finish what should have been a very easy run, I finally got concerned enough to go to the doctor. After testing me for everything under the sun, he suggested the possibility that Paxil was causing my problems.

 

After realizing that the timing fit and having no other explanation for what was going on, I stopped taking Paxil right away, on June 1st, 2013. I'd been on the lowest dose (10mg) for about 5 months, which at the time I thought was a "taper". Of course I know better now.

 

In the first few weeks I went through what I think is a fairly standard withdrawal - brain zaps and nausea were the main symptoms, but it really wasn't all that bad to deal with. After that stage passed, I was actually feeling reasonably decent for a while, even through a move across the country at the end of July. The move was emotionally difficult, but I actually felt better physically following the move than I had in a while. Not "normal", but much improved.

 

Unfortunately, that was as good as it got. Starting in about late September I settled into the waves and windows pattern, or at least that is what I hope is going on. I would experience a few days of feeling relatively good, followed by a crash where I felt terrible. I had about a week of feeling the best I have in a long time in early November, and since then I've felt worse than ever. The general trend for now seems to be downward, though, not upward.

 

Physically, my main symptom is fatigue. I've been too tired to even think about running, and even walking is hard for me right now unless I go at an easy pace. It often takes a significant act of willpower to drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I often feel like I'm just trying to hang in there until the next time I can lie down. My sleep is actually far better now than it was while I was on the Paxil, so I don't think sleep deprivation is a factor. The fatigue feels qualitatively different than normal sleep loss-related fatigue. It feels like it's at a much deeper, more fundamental level than just being tired.

 

I'm also finding that in the last week or two my eyes get fatigued really easily from reading, whether on a screen or in print - I've had a feeling of almost constant eye strain and minor headache.

 

Emotionally, I've been a wreck - I cry far more easily than I ever have before, I often feel hopeless, imagining the future fills me with fear and sadness, and I've had waves of incredibly intense nostalgia and longing for the past, usually happy times in my childhood. I also tend to wake up feeling anxious - it can range from mild nervousness to a sickening dread in the pit of my stomach.

 

I know this is different for everyone, but I hope these symptoms sound at least somewhat familiar to some of you out there. My big fear is that this isn't really Paxil withdrawal, and that I'll not only never get better, I'll never even figure out what's wrong. That said, if any of you don't think this sounds like it's because of the Paxil, please don't be afraid to say so.

 

Thanks a lot for reading.

[Petunia]

Hi a4strain,

Welcome to SA and thank you for posting an introduction.  After reading your post and looking at your history, (thank you for putting that in your signature), I have no doubt that what you are experiencing is withdrawal effects.  You have been on SSRIs for 9 years, then went cold turkey.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, but for someone in your situation, having symptoms such as yours, at 6 months out, isn't unusual and if you read through some of the stories here on this site, you will see that you are not alone.

 

I tapered much too fast from SSRIs which I'd been on for 13 years, and am still having problems 2 years later.

 

The way I understand it, is the reason withdrawal symptoms can last so long in some people is because over time, these drugs change the way our brain and nervous system works in very physical ways, by altering the natural balance of brain chemistry.  Once the drug is removed, our brain has to once again 'learn' how to function without the drug.

 

Sometimes, when someone has reduced too quickly and is experiencing withdrawal symptoms, reinstating a small amount of the medication can help, and then a slower taper can be started.  But I wouldn't suggest that at 6 months, it often works when started within a few weeks, but the longer you leave it, the less likely it is to work and its more likely to cause worse symptoms.

 

I tried reinstating at about 15 months out and my symptoms became much worse, but its something to consider.

 

Have a look around the site, especially our section on symptoms and self care here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

Many people find that taking magnesium and omega 3 fish oils is beneficial.  Don't worry, you will recover, it may just take a little longer than you would like.

 

You will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

Petu.

[mammaP]

Hi A4strain, Sorry you are feeling so sick. I agree with Petu that it seems very much like you are suffering

withdrawal symptoms. Healing takes time and most of all patience. Everyone wants to be better now, it can

be very distressing when symptoms go on and on but it is the healing process. It does get better, the brain 

is remarkable with it's ability to heal from these drugs. I find fish oil helped a lot with the head symptoms,

as if it is oiling the cogs! 

 

Have a browse round the boards, you will find lots of info and links to resources that will help you to cope

with what is happening. Alto has done all the research and  has built this amazing site to help others in

this situation. 

 

All of us here are either in withdrawal from, or tapering anti-depressants and are here for each other. 

It's great that you've joined us, a rough ride is smoother when there are lots of you on the same road

to help each other along.

[Ellen042]

Hi a4strain.  Thank you for sharing so much about yourself- for being so open and honest right from the start.  I don't have anything to contribute reguarding your diagnosis (sorry), but I want you to know that there are others here who are suffering not only mentally but physically too.  I myself have anxiety and insomnia combined with debilitating lyme disease, dysautonomia, and a Chiari malformation (causes paralysis or death in the absence of repeated skull surgeries).  I'm going through antidepressant withdrawal, but also battle even getting out of bed to go to the bathroom from my physical illnesses.  You're not alone.  My reasons for mentioning these things are 1) to let you know you're amongst company, and 2) to reassure you that you WILL get better.  Don't dispair!  If all your symptoms are from Paxil withdrawal, they're bound to resolve.  If they're partly due to a physical illness, it will eventually be diagnosed and get better with treatment.  Yes, I myself am still going through the throws of antidepresant withdrawal while also battling debilitating physical illnesses, but I sure am better now than when I first got sick!  I'm not in the hospital, not paralyzed or dead, am able to raise my children even as a single mom, and going back to work in a few days!  I also can relate to the forward AND backward steps, but in the long term, LIFE GETS BETTER!  Hang in there, and just write when you want to talk with someone.  I'm new to this group too, but boy is this a supportive site. 

[Altostrata]

Thanks, Ellen!

 

Welcome, a4strain.

 

It's good you're able to sleep. Sleep is healing, don't short yourself on this.

 

The fatigue sounds to me like your body needs just a little help to heal. Do try to get at least half an hour of gentle walking in every day. This type of exercise helps the body to regulate itself without triggering adrenaline and cortisol, the stimulating hormones.

 

Make sure to eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies. You may also want to add whey protein isolate to provide amino acids building blocks for your body to use in its reconstruction.

 

Many people do well with fish oil and magnesium supplements, seehttp://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Have you taken stomach acid blockers (PPIs) for any length of time?

[a4strain]

Thanks for the replies - I appreciate the tips and especially the words of encouragement. It's not that easy to find people who can relate to what's going on.

 

I'm currently on fish oil and a multivitamin - never taken a PPI before. I'm trying to get out and walk as much as possible - I really wish I could run but even easy running is just too much for me to handle right now. I'm also getting back to eating fruits and vegetables - normally I like them but there were a couple of months during withdrawal where I had almost no appetite for them.

 

Otherwise it seems like there isn't really much to do other than rest and take it easy and be patient. I'm able to get through my days and take care of my responsibilities, so unless things worsen significantly there's no real emergency - it's just difficult and a little scary. I normally have the tendency to push myself too hard, so I guess it's good to be forced to learn how to go easy.

 

Thanks Alto for setting this thing up and contributing so much - it looks like you follow just about every thread on here. No idea how you do it, but I'm glad you do.

[Altostrata]

Good that there are no PPIs in your history.

 

Please let us know how you're doing.

[a4strain]

Been incrementally better the last few days - trend, window, or other, not sure.

 

Went to the doc and had labs done - they were particularly interested in thyroid but that came back normal. There was a low-normal testosterone reading that they want to investigate further.

 

Also went to a naturopath (mistake?). He suspected adrenal fatigue and had me do a 4x / day saliva test for adrenal hormone - I've since learned that adrenal fatigue is a very questionable diagnosis. I'm hoping the results come back normal just so I don't have to fight pressure to take adrenal supplements.

 

Seems like taking any medication / supplements is probably a bad idea at this point, although the waiting approach is hard, especially for my wife, who is impatient for me to get better.

 

I'll update if / when anything definitive comes up.

[Nikki]

Hi and welcome....

 

Paxil takes time to bounce back from.  I did take Paxil and then Lexapro.  It is a hard hit.  Both strong drugs.  You sound good in spite of the WD and I was thinking along the lines of what Alto said.  Sleep is rejuvenating.  Eating healthy will help you too.

 

Supplements can cause problems.  You will know right away.

 

When I went on Paxil I had Epstein-Barr Virus which is a chronic fatigue type virus which caused lots of anxiety and crying.  Were you tested?  It is grossly overlooked.  Nothing to be done, but let it run it's course and eat well and lots of rest.

 

I am just throwing this out to you because it happened to me.  I recovered from EBV - Paxil and Lexapro.

 

Nikki

[Petunia]

Hi a4,

Thank you for the update, its good you have been feeling better.

 

I think you are right to be cautious about advice given by a naturopath, they generally have no more experience or understanding of the unique situation of AD withdrawal than doctors.

 

Please don't be concerned about getting tested for Epstein-Barr Virus, its highly unlikely you have it, and just the experience of another member.

 

I hope you continue to feel better, and do keep us updated.

 

Petu.

[a4strain]

Throwing out a quick update - I'm just past the one year mark post Paxil CT.

General summary: November - February (months 5-8) seem to have been my worst months. As far as I can tell I'm on an improving trend, albeit an infuriatingly slow one. If I had to guess I'd say I feel about as good (ie, not very) as I did right before I ditched Paxil, although qualitatively different. I've gotten to the point where I can now handle about an hour a week of easy running and I don't feel like it's such a struggle to make it through the day.

 

A couple of observations:

 

Brain zaps - anybody else get those for a very long time after stopping? I still get them occasionally, although they're far less frequent and intense than at the beginning of withdrawal.

 

Sleep - I was actually sleeping relatively well for the first few months after quitting Paxil, but that is no longer the case. Most nights I take a long time to fall asleep, wake up for significant stretches, and feel like I'm not sleeping very deeply. I get maybe 1-2 nights a week of relatively decent sleep. This is probably my least favorite aspect of withdrawal. I try to get an afternoon nap whenever I can to make up for a little bit of it.

 

Stress - I seem to have a relatively low limit to the level of mental and physical stress I can handle. If I exceed this limit I start feeling really bad really quickly - partly it's low energy and fatigue, mostly it's feeling angry, depressed, and extremely self-critical, and fuming and raging at the slightest provocation. All those feelings seem right to me while I'm experiencing them, but when I get back to feeling relatively normal again, they seem completely crazy.

 

So overall I guess things are pointed in a positive direction but moving far too slowly for my taste. I was hoping to feel recovered by now but it seems that it's going to be a multiyear process for me. This is definitely demanding more patience from me than I thought I had.

 

Hope everyone else is doing ok out there.

[Petunia]

Thank you for letting us know how you are doing A4strain.

 

I'm happy to hear you have had some improvement, even though it has been slow.  None of the symptoms you are still experiencing are unusual, for someone in protracted withdrawal.  But its a good sign that you have seen some improvement, this should continue in a windows and waves kind of pattern.

 

Petu.

[dalsaan]

A4Strain,

 

Thanks for the update.  I think many people can relate to all the symptoms you discuss.  Sleeplessness is very difficult and exacerbates the other stuff like low tolerance for stress.   My advice - keep doing what you are doing.   Be gentle and patient with yourself.   Don't stress yourself out.

 

Have a look at the stuff on sleep in the symptoms forum.   I have found a combination of magnesium/taurine and sleep hypnosis has paid dividend overtime

 

all the best

 

D