Laineyk: back for another shot of antidepressant freedom

[peggy]

Hi Lainey,

My thoughts are with you - i am so impatient during this journey too. Knitting is good therapy - i find it medatative, and look at each stitch and each row as being a step forward.

[Meimeiquest]

I had akathesia once as a drug side effect. A new drug, so I was just switched to another (that I could suffer through withdrawing from at my leisure). But I feel your pain. I took an airline flight with it Wyoooo. Whine on! Wishing you calm...soon! Meimeiquest

[laineyk]

Day 19...not to bad today even though I slept lousy and had a million night sweats. Yesterday on the other hand was bad all day!!!! It was constant anxiety non stop and trembling etc.

 

its weird how one day you can feel a little better and then the next BAM!!!! in your face

 

 

told husband last night that I am getting tired of this fight & its getting harder and harder to hold onto what little sanity I have left. This poison has ruined my life

[compsports]

Day 19...not to bad today even though I slept lousy and had a million night sweats. Yesterday on the other hand was bad all day!!!! It was constant anxiety non stop and trembling etc.

 

its weird how one day you can feel a little better and then the next BAM!!!! in your face

 

 

told husband last night that I am getting tired of this fight & its getting harder and harder to hold onto what little sanity I have left. This poison has ruined my life

 

Lainey,

 

I totally understand about feeling like psych meds has ruined your life.

 

I think what has motivated me to keep going is I felt that if I gave up and did something drastic that psychiatry would win and say, see told you CS was mentally ill. I will be dammed if I am going to give them that satisfaction.

 

But of course, you have to find what works for you to hang on. Just remember that many people who were successful in getting off of the meds felt the same despair but pushed through it.

 

CS

[peggy]

it's great you had some improvement the other day - shows you are the right path

[laineyk]

Peggy how are you doing? I am so consumed with myself I never think to ask others how they are. so sorry

 

today was pretty much like yesterday...havent been crawling out of my skin. But something I have found is that I can not play any of the FB games during the day....way to stimulating & causes me anxiety...in the evening I can play them and am fine.

 

I also get a headache the same time each day and its ususally right when I am due for my mid day clonazepam.

 

Thank you for checking on me and asking

[peggy]

i am doing ok, thanks for asking - still not quite back on my feet after my updose but getting there

[laineyk]

so as by my info you can see that I went up & down on doses since dec. but I have at least had 50mgs in me during those changes...I have heeded to the advice here & am on week 3 of staying on 50mgs. question is doesnt all those weeks of being on 50, 75, 100 count? or am I just starting fresh from three weeks ago?

 

I am really getting disheartened by my sickness and am not sure if continueing is in my best interest....how did any of you make the decision to either hang on or stop the RI?

[Altostrata]

lainey, I answered that question in your Intro topic.

 

{Note: this and the previous post were merged with the Intro topic to keep progress notes all in the same place. -Jemima)

 

The stabilization clock starts when you STABILIZE. That means when you stay at one dosage for a good while and your symptoms lessen.

 

No, the earlier jumping around in dosage does not count towards stabilization.

 

I'll leave others to add their experiences with reinstatement and stabilization.

[Jemima]

Lainey,

 

I moved your latest post and Alto's response to your Intro topic. This is where all posts concerning your personal journey through withdrawal should go. Topics like 'Symptoms and self-care' are meant for more general information that might benefit any number of people. It's also very helpful to have your own posts in one place where you can read back and see your progress.

[Altostrata]

Lainey, please read these two topics about reinstatement and stabilizing:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3949-what-does-stabilizing-mean/

[laineyk]

thanks Alto I read them and iot was very educating

 

Now update I had a fabulous late afternoon evening yesterday. went to my daughters for dinner and even helped cook....It was like a miracle, but today not so good?! Hope the good days start happening more often because I am going to be babysitting my grandson Mon & tues for the next 4 weeks

 

I used to watch him 3-4 days every week (I worked evening shift at the hospital) but since all this happened to me I no longer work or babysit

 

I am stepping out on FAITH and facing my GIANT with Gods hand and hopefully I will be able to do this. Tomorrow is our "trial" run

 

so sad that watching my grandson is such an ordeal, but with the way I have felt there was just no way I could care for him

 

today is day 24...1/2 into 4 weeks and I am praying with all my might this will work

[areyouthere]

thanks Alto I read them and iot was very educating

 

Now update I had a fabulous late afternoon evening yesterday. went to my daughters for dinner and even helped cook....It was like a miracle, but today not so good?

This is very good news and very normal to have a spectacular day followed by a not-so-good one. Sometimes it can even be as short two hours of "great" followed by "crap what just thr frick happened?! "! At least that has been identical to what I have experienced during a taper and then stabilizing. !

Hope the good days start happening more often because I am going to be babysitting my grandson Mon & tues for the next 4 weeks

Maybe try to take it easy and get extra sleep/ be gentle with yourself, meditate, take long baths etc whatever works for you... to best prepare for the kids coming. It will give you your best shot anyway...

 

 

so sad that watching my grandson is such an ordeal,

Believe me I understand this too. It is sad that so few people really understand what this feels like but here we do. It's ok to feel this way.

 

today is day 24...1/2 into 4 weeks and I am praying with all my might this will work

 

Rooting for you too laineyk!!! All that you can do is try , do your best and understand that it is the drugs & not YOU if it is rocky. YAY for the miracle day!!! That means that you are HEALING!!!!!!!! And moving FORWARD!!!! Good for you!!!! WOOT!!!

 

RU

[laineyk]

I love AREYOUOUTHERE!!!!! for all your support

 

Monday with grandson went really well...felt pretty good. Yesterday not as great but still doable. Today feel like I have crashed somewhat...more anxiety and shaking (thank God I dont have the baby today)

 

I am taking each day as it comes and I will be gentle with myself. I did cut .25mgs of my klonopin out because it just isnt doing anything & I need to be more "with it" in the mornings when I have a 19month to chase.

 

I wont make anymore cuts with the klonopin until I stabilize with zoloft... this is day 5 dince I made the cut. so now I take .25mg in morning 8 hours later take another .25mg and HS take .5mgs

 

this is a long process and I wish that I never started any of these meds!!!!!!

[basildev]

Hi Laineyk,

 

I'm so glad to see you are feeling better.

 

I just read your whole post from beginning to end and objectively, I can see that slowly but surely, you are healing. I see the classic pattern of 'windows and waves' happening for you.

 

Sometimes it's difficult to see your own improvements when you're in the thick of things.

 

I hope you feel even better soon.

[laineyk]

Today and yesterday, not good days again, feel like crap. head is very whooshy, neck killing me and stomach off...

 

this is so weird because on Saturday I felt so much better...I did decrease my klonopin dose in the morning to .25mg instead of .5 mgs...this is day 6 since I did that reduction and I will say that while I was taking the regular dose I had most days feeling the same way...so not sure that it has anything to do with the klonopin

 

I am 4 weeks done with 50mgs.....now I hang on longer? I HATE feeling useless!!! I hate feeling like a drug addict!!!! I HATE all of this!!!!

[basildev]

Hi Laineyk,

 

I'm sorry you're having a bad time again.

 

I just posted a topic on updosing and how long it can take to stabilize. The time really ranges from person to person. For example, some poeple take a few days to stabilize, some weeks and some take months to feel better again.

 

Hang in there!

 

The reduced dosage of klonopin might also have something to do it.

[laineyk]

well if the decrease has anything to do with it I am not believeing it because I had all those days feeling exactly like this at the same dose of klponi

 

just having a rough couple days. I guess I will hold on 50mgs for 2 more weeks & then think about increasing?

[basildev]

that sounds like a plan.

 

Maybe even a slight increase after one more week to see if that makes a difference.

 

It's hard to predict what will happen when multiple meds are involved (or single for that matter!)

[Sparrow]

Lainey, if your goal is stabilize, dropping the K by .25 mg is exactly what you should not be doing. Sorry to be so blunt, but you're shooting yourself in the foot here.

 

Sparrow

[laineyk]

its been a whole week...do I go back to original dose of K?

[Sparrow]

If I were in your situation, that's what I'd do. I don't know how you can get to stable place with the Zoloft if you suddenly throw a 20% benzo cut into the fire.

 

How are you feeling today?

 

Sparrow

[Altostrata]

I agree with Sparrow. Stop playing with the Klonopin dosage.

[laineyk]

yesterday I felt off but not AS anxious by evening. Had entire family over for MIL b'day and I actually survived

 

today I had a horrible stomach this afternoon but after 2 Tums I was ok. anxiety wise much calmer...kinda doepy feeling though

 

have my grandson tomorrow & Tuesday and that kinda freaks me because do not want to feel crappy around him.

 

I guess I decided not to add back the klonopin I tapered...going to give it another week and see...of course that can always change in a second with the way my mind works.

 

Today is day 30 and I am calmer but still feel weird in the head and stomach issues.

 

I see dr on 27th will be interested in hearing where we should go from here...Prayerfully I will be a whole lot better by the time I go to see her

 

Alto & Sparrow, please dont become annoyed with me...I must have some OCD tucked away

[peggy]

hey lainey,

 

great update - sounds like you may have turned a corner.

[laineyk]

well I sure hope so...whats been happening with you Peggu? how are you feeling?

 

I had grandson from 7 am till 330 pm and I survived...felt extremely washed out but didnt fall out with panic and I even took him to the library (hubby went with us) but thats a huge step for me to get out and try to stay focused on the present.

 

This has been hellish in EVERY kind of way and I almost feel that if/when I stabilize I may neve go off this because how bad this has been.

[Nikki]

Hi Lainey sorry to chime in so late...

 

Whenever I reinstated an ssri, I felt the calming or stabilizing effects right away.

 

Not anymore.

 

I dropped my Celexa by 5mgs. recently (had not problem doing that twice before) and I ended up with WD. I reinstated and the advise I was given was that the amount of time I would need before feeling better was somewhat dependent on how long it was that I was on the decreased dose.

 

For example, if it were a month since the 5mg. decrease it may take a month for the reinstatement to take effects. It took about 2 weeks.

 

That never happened to me before an I am going to guess that being on meds for a long time can alter the stabilizing effects. You have jumped around quite a bit and then at 50mgs. you started to see some sunshine.

 

Don't mess with K now that's for sure. Stay put. When you increase the Zoloft it made you feel lousy. It just seem to agree with you anymore.

 

Feel for you....HUgs

[laineyk]

Thank you Nikki.

 

Today I felt like yesterday, like a wet wash rag. No energy, real tired and blah. But less anxiety. I am not doing anymore with the kloni for awhile. I was off the zoloft for almost three months

 

Like you I have gone off and on this poison three other times and each time it did take longer to get back to feeling "normal" Thats why I satyed on it steady for 6 years

 

but like a dofus started skipping every other day for almost a year and BANG!!!!! In my face w/d

 

so heres to another day down, I am doing more (forcing myself) watching my grandson 2 days a week and trying my best to get out of this house more. The weather here is snowing and cold so it makes it hard to want to do anything

 

My symptoms keep making me think that I have a brain tumor or something equally wrong with me, because it just doesnt seem possible this is all due to a little blue pill.

 

Question for any who may read this...does playing video games or even the games on FB wire you and get you tense, like my CNS cant handle that much stimuli?

[laineyk]

so I had fecal & mouth swab taken several weeks ago to check gluten intolerance...and the results came in yesterday...yup, thats right I AM gluten intolerant which was exacerbated by all this nonsense... that would explain feeling even worse then ever

[peggy]

It's good to find that out, making some diet changes is likely to really improve the way you feel.

Keep on keeping on!!!

[tezza]

Hi Lainey,

 

I'm sorry you've been struggling so. Things will surely get better!

 

To answer your question about games, they seem to help me but we are all different.

 

Fell better soon!

 

Hugs,

Tezza

[laineyk]

So as of today I am on a gluten/dairy free diet...UGH!!!!! but found that gluten intlerance can cause alot of my symptoms

[tezza]

Hi Lainey,

 

I've merged your new topic with your existing topic. We are limited to only one topic per member in the Intro section.

 

Please add all updates to this thread. Thanks...

 

I'm very sorry you are just learning this; indeed, it can be a huge contributing factor in the symptoms you've been having.

 

One discussion here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2591-gluten-and-depression/

[Meimeiquest]

so I had fecal & mouth swab taken several weeks ago to check gluten intolerance...and the results came in yesterday...yup, thats right I AM gluten intolerant which was exacerbated by all this nonsense... that would explain feeling even worse then ever

 

 

Going gluten-free radically helped me. It would be great if someone brought me three gluten-free meals/day, but as a part-time working mom in WD, I don't always pull it off. Which makes me mad at myself, because I know if I had celiac disease, I would do it. Good luck! Meimeiquest

[SaveMooses]

Oh my goodness! I didn't even know there was a "gluten intolerance" test. While going through my WD and went through a class on fighting depression and a large aspect was diet. I started implementing some of the steps from my class and was tired of the medical roller coaster..

I thought I was going start seeing a natural nutritionist but couldn't really afford it. I figured they would say "get off dairy, sugar and gluten." I just decided to try one at a time so I picked gluten..

My entire life I suffered with heartburn, intestinal issues but tested negative for every test. Had upper GIs, allergy tests, etc. tested negative for Celiac..

When I quit gluten to improve my diet in my war with depression, in about 8 weeks I found myself forgetting to take my Prilosec sometimes...and I was okay!

I have always had issues with foods, sinus allergies, milk products....heck, WATER gave me heartburn! IT IS ALL GONE by simply removing gluten..

Some steps that have helped me conquer depression, and I still maintain some of these steps, are:.

• -remain gluten free
• get sunlight and if it is not available, I use my portable Philips light.
• Tai Chi
• consume daily 3000 mg Omega 3 and a vitamin B supplement with vitamin C..
• keep my circadian rhythm in order; go to bed by 8pm so I can get to work the next day. My class told me no more than 6-8 hrs of sleep a day, but my magic number is 9 hours.
• -listen to classical music (some studies show that whether you like classical music or not, it can improve brain waves and can help)..
• -pray the Lords Prayer.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know to hold the course with your meds, don't jump around. Now that I made it to the other side, my Philips light actually causes me anxiety so I haven't used it in a while. Things sometimes change during this journey. I don't have to listen to just classical music all the time..

I found a thing that helped me was writing down a daily log of what time I woke up, what I ate, supplements I took, amount of water I drank, the amount of sunshine I took in each day, amount of exercise I did each day. You can't remember everything while your brain is giving you fits during WD, so I was able to track the more I stuck to my daily goals, the better I felt..

Just some thoughts, suggestions and encouragements! You can get to the other side and be ok! It is a rough ride, but be patient with yourself, good to yourself and hang in there. I'm glad to hear you have a supportive husband and grand kids to help make this journey worth it..

May God bless you and may your journey with WD be short!

[Karma]

Hi Laineyk

 

I have Celiac Disease and went gluten free in 2005 ... it takes a little education and effort to learn to read food labels, but there are far more GF products available now. In 2006 the FDA labeling act went into effect and most of the foods you buy in the grocery store have to declare if they have any of the eight major allergens ... of which wheat/gluten is one. Many chain restaurants have gluten free menus ... and many more including independent restaurants can accommodate gluten free requests.

 

When I was diagnosed I learned that I was suffering from anemia due to malabsorption ... the autoimmune reaction causes us to not be able to absorb nutrients from our food. If you haven't already tried magnesium, you might give it a try. It helps us with absorption. You should also check your iron if you haven't already.

 

This discovery is likely the root of your problems. If you were suffering from gluten intolerance you would not get good results from various supplements until you addressed the root cause. It is likely that as you adhere to a GF diet you will begin to see improvements in your symptoms.

 

I know it is difficult to see this new development as a good thing, but in my case this diagnosis changed my life for the better.

 

Karma