☼ Wulfgar: insomnia and mirtazapine/zopiclone withdrawal.

[EternalOptimist]

Ditto MB. I still struggle to wrap my mind on staying on this drug long teem to get off ESP since I'm it short time.

Best of luck with this cut,

[Altostrata]

You may wish to hold off on the mirtazapine taper until your sleep stabilizes somewhat.

[wulfgar]

Ok, thanks Alto, i will wait a bit for my sleep to stabilize.

 

Im three weeks benzo free today. Good times!

[EternalOptimist]

Congrats on the 3 weeks benzo free. I have a copy of a gold medal of that achievement on my wall still, 9. 1/2 years later.

Know how much you want off that MIT. You are so close. If " less is more" then is "slow is fast?"

[wulfgar]

Thanks! Think i will bake a cake at 4 weeks.

 

I have tried to reason with myself about why i am in a hurry to get of. One of the arguments seems to be that i blame mirtazapine for my tinnitus, and that there can be no healing before im of it. My tinnitus still threatens with new tones and wierd sounds. I so much long for the feeling when there is no drugs and there is only healing and feeling better in the future.

 

My son and i hade a chat today and he misses the happy and ingenious dad I used to be, and asked again for a father/son day. "You are so gloomy and angry". My heart got all sore and sad. There are so many things that pushes me to come of and get some serious healing going. He is growing up and his dad has been a boaring, good for nothing, oaf.

[EternalOptimist]

Oooooh, "a boaring, good for nothing, oaf?"  Hope that's in jest.  We can be so hard on ourselves.  

I miss myself, the self that would be jocular, teasing, fun, loving, industrious, etc.  Not that I'm all that but "that" is better than 

"this".  :-)

 

You know, my sons are grown and on their own and I still think I need to role model how to do life as I age, etc.

So I don't think it ever ends.  Isn't the "will to live" amazing?  I add to that, "the will to live and live well!" 

I'm sorry for the tinnitus you experience.  I knew several in benzo w/d that had that.  It gets better over time.

 

Hope you have that father/son wonderful day, or at the very least, a "decent' one soon.

 

Take good care,

[mammaP]

Boring good for nothing???  Never!  You are a brilliant dad and your children are very

lucky to have you. You are struggling right now but it will pass. You are doing great and 

are very supportive here, you've given me some good advice and now you need to give

some to yourself.  Have that day with your son, do something that will not tax you too much

that you will both enjoy. I'm sure he will be delighted with being with you, even just

watching movies. 

[wulfgar]

Thanks mammap and eo. I will try to find something smart to do with my little one. Its such a awful weather, its winter, there is snow, but its raining when it should be -15 centigrade.

[Altostrata]

Strange weather anywhere.

 

How about reading to a cat?

http://laughingsquid.com/kids-read-to-cats-with-the-book-buddies-program-at-the-animal-rescue-league-of-berks-county-pennsylvania/

[wulfgar]

Now 4 weeks of Zopiclone. Sleep is not bad, maybe 5 hours average. Dizziness, elevated blood pressure and tinnitus is my prevailing symptoms right now. About as good as its been since being on these meds. Going to try jumping of the last mirtazapine now. Will add a small amount of antihistamine instead for the first month. This, i think, will enable me heal from parts of the mirtazapine effect and taper of the mirtazapine antihistamic effects later on.

[moodyblues78]

I wish you luck Wulfgar. 

[EternalOptimist]

Best of luck Wulfgar. You'll succeed!

Did u get n some quality time w/ your son?

[mammaP]

Glad you are feeling better Wulfgar and sleeping ok. Sleeping makes so much difference!

I am a bit concerned about you jumping off mitazepine at 2.5, it's a huge leap and could

send you into withdrawal again.  I jumped off effexor at 5 beads (1mg) and was hit by withdrawal

I wouldn't wish on anyone! 

[lexicon]

Just to say that I have been following your posts wulfgar, moody,  EO, mamma ..

 

I sympathise with you having to endure all these symptoms, but I appreciate that you are able to find humor amidst this madness that befell us ..

 

Thinking about each of you, and wishing for wellness,  peacefullness, serenity and healing ..

 

May we all find the light at the end of this painful, dark tunnel that we are traveling in

 

Take good care,

 

Love, Lexicon

[wulfgar]

Thanks Lexicon,

 

Humor has been a saviour throughout my life. Even in the worst of moments, which there have been many, there usually where nothing else I could do, i tried to laugh at it all. I think i survived on that.

 

These drugs have brought anxiety, a new kind of terrible anxiety into my adult life. Even stronger than anything felt during childhood. This withdrawal anxiety is so very hard to combat. There is no abusive father or bully causing it, so there is no one to hide from to get relief. I so feel for you all going through this. There is almost no escape from tinnitus, etc. The fear that this will never end is also a terrible feeling.

 

I am so much better now though. It looks like there could be an end to much of this. Maybe not a complete end, but at least there is hope of symptoms lessening to a degree that i could live with them, and be somewhat happy.

 

I have read through your intro thread and i feel for you. You have and are going through some rough stuff! I can feel the power of love for all that shines out from and between your words! That power must surely be enough to eventualy heal you from this!

 

Take care you to, Lexicon!

[lexicon]

You are very gracious and kind wulfgar, Thank you for your comforting words.

 

I wanted to say that one thing that has helped me with sleep, is Magnesium Glycinate ..

It has a calming effect during the day too .. I get the heart flutters and PVCs and this magnesium helps.

 

Wulfgar, I will follow your progress, and will hold you in heart and prayer.

Hang in there .. We must keep walking to get to the end of the tunnel ..

We cannot loose sight of that ..

 

Sending you love, and wishing you healing blessings ..

 

Lexi

[Nikki]

"These drugs have brought anxiety, a new kind of terrible anxiety into my adult life. Even stronger than anything felt during childhood. This withdrawal anxiety is so very hard to combat."

 

Wulfgar this has and is my experience along with many other members.  I ask myself daily, where do I go from here.  Good luck with the last of the Zoplicone.  It must feel good to be at the end of it.  I remember getting off a drug and thinking "Oh my God, I did it."

 

You have alot of perseverance and that will serve you well.....

 

Hugs

[EternalOptimist]

Hi Wulfgar.

 

How is it going? Did u jump off mitrazapine ?

Thinking of you as I taper.

What wonderful support here, such kind hearts.

Best

EO

[wulfgar]

Thanks lexicon, Nikki and thanks EO,

 

You all and this forum has my biggest gratitude. I would not be sane now had it not been for all your stories, knowledge and fullness of heart!

 

I did jump mierazapine and i feel a bit "wonky" right now. I have some itching, not bad, but anoying (like mosquito bites), and feel a little speedy. Sleep is quite shallow but i manage to get about 4 hours so i manage. Almost no dizziness, thank god for that. Thought i got a cold yesterday but better today.

 

I give this a 50/50 chance of success but i do not think i will take it hard if i have to reinstate. I will reinstate back to 2.5 mg then and taper slower. My taper has usualy been more than 2.5 and usualy hard but bearable. What have been my problem earlier i believe is tapering to often. I think that if you taper larger than 10% / month you need to have some longer rest periods now and then.

 

Good luck to us all!

[lexicon]

Hi wulfgar,

 

You are brave, and I admire your perseverance ..

 

I think that you will be just fine .. You are almost at the end of this journey, and you are doing it

with resolve, bravery, and wonderful sense of humor ..❤️

 

Thinking of you, as you are an inspiration to me ..

 

Hang in there ..

 

Wishing you many blessings ..

 

Love, Lexi

[EternalOptimist]

Good attitude Wulfgar.  Bet you've heard:  "It's 10% what happens to you, 90% attitude" ?  

[mammaP]

Hope the symptoms stay mild Wulgar, and can stay off the mirtazapine . 

 

You are doing great ! 

[moodyblues78]

I admire your determination Wulfgar. You are a very strong person and will get through this. I`m sure of it.

[wulfgar]

Thanks you all for the encouragement! Perhaps i feel a little bit of strength right now, MB, so maybe this is the right moment to bring the last fight on? Time will tell!

 

I am still with my head above water. 5.5 hours of sleep, albeit shallow. Tinnitus is bad these last two days. Manage to resist "anxietylating" about it. Stress is quite high, but doing relaxing exercises helps a bit. No work right now though! Took two short slow walks yesterday that felt really good. Its a precarious balancing act to select the right amount of walking/activity.

[EternalOptimist]

Popped in to see how u r doing. You're hanging in there. Good news. My tx suggested a YouTube qi gong 7 min exercise.

I did it last night. It is VERY mild. Wonder if might help u?

[Altostrata]

What a great exercise. It looks like it might soothe the nerves in the spine and back plus the vagus nerve.

[wulfgar]

It looks promising. I will try it out this weekend. I almost fell asleep watching it. Thanks EO! This is the kind of things that fits within the boundaries of pacing oneself. 

[EternalOptimist]

Welcome. Like Allo's feedback too.

[mammaP]

That looks really good, think I might give it a whirl too. Hope it helps you Wulfgar.

[bubble]

Hello Wulfgar,

 

I'm glad I finally found the time to get to know you better by reading your thread. It made me smile many times You and MoodyBlues are such a great team with such great humour even when the times are tough.

 

I look forward to following your progress. And will do the exercise EO posted

 

best,

bubble

[wulfgar]

Hi bubble! Thanks for reading up on my thread. I try to read through some others threads but there is so much. Its like hours of reading and thinking. Humor is the only tool i have left to combat depression and resignation. Try to use it as often as possible.

 

I read through parts of yours just the other day. My writing fingers itched when i read about your boyfriend insulting you in emails and chats. Arghhh! I have been bedridden for a long time, and definitely not very interesting for my wife any longer, but i try to give her space, and definitely not any insults. He needs a kick out the door. Give him a fishing rod or something! 10 tickets to a solarium.

[wulfgar]

Its now 9 days without mirtazapine. I think this time it will work. Slept for about 5.5 hours with only two short wakings. The wonkyness and dizziness is quite low, so I'm having a window. Also felt tired after supper which usually never happens. I yawned!! I usually are never tired, only fatigued so being tired is nice!

 

When can i feel happy about being of the meds? There really is no date to be set, day to celebrate. A wave can hit any time.

[mammaP]

I am so glad you are feeling better Wulfgar, I hope this window stays open for a long time for you. 

[Nikki]

Wulfgar enjoy the fact that you are off of it and you are feeling well.  Just keep saying that to yourself without entertaining the thought of "what if" a bad wave hits.  Alot of motivational speakers (the gurus of positive thinking) just say bask in the sun and repeat affirmations like I am so relieved and proud of myself for getting off this stuff.  I feel good.  Things like that.

 

If something does happen remember it is only a blip and it will pass

 

Congratulations.  I remember when a friend of mine got off paxil, she couldn't believe it and walked around with Rescue Remedy by Back Flowers with a tiny amount of Paxil at home due to the fear.  That was three years ago and she is fine.

 

It's normal to have that fear after what we have gone thru.

[wulfgar]

Tinnitus high and poor sleep. Had to have the white noise up high so it became disruptive to. My ears feels like someone has inflated them with a bicycle pump. I can imagine a grinning madman at night sneaking up on me, chugging away with a pump in my ears.

 

Also, I have failures in my motivator circuitry. It feels broken. Trying to tell my legs to get out of bed but they do nothing.

 

Had nausea and a low grade migraine yesterday. Hitting a wave? Hope not!

[moodyblues78]

Ah. Know that feeling about the white noise. The thing that shoud give you a break from the constant noise hell suddenly becomes your enemy. That is the definition of fustration. I had that today too.

 

That is why I use blue noise now. It too can get too stimulating. Then I usually take the other headphone off and use the noise only to my better ear. It gives rest to my worse ear and I still can distract myself from the T.

 

At the moment my tinnitus is so low that I don`t use any masking. Earlier today it was very bad.